First, an apology to anyone who thought I was trying to silence your opinions. That was never my intention.

The point is this: the message that is sent when someone like Kimberley is told that she should straighten her hair (whether it is meant or not) is that her hair isn't good enough the way it is...her kinky hair isn't beautiful. Most black or black/white biracial people in the 'biz' have straightened their hair (either via perms - perms straighten hair as opposed to curling for African Americans, in case you weren't aware) because that is what is 'beautiful' by society's standards.

I guess it's hard to explain because most people just don't have to deal with this sort of thing.

My own mother is a very open-minded person when it comes to cultural differences (her husband is Mexican), but after my daughter was born, she said "oh I'm so glad she didn't get 'black' hair". That was crushing to me because the chances are more likely than not that my next little girl (if and when I have one) WILL have hair that is far mroe textured and tightly curled than my daughter's and my mother will think it's not as good. My mother is hardly the only one who thinks this way.

I already know that we will have a VERY hard time because my daughter looks white to almost everyone. She has lighter hair than me (mine is reddish brown, hers is kind of dark strawberry blonde), her skin is as light as mine, and people will naturally assume that she is white. The last thing I want is for her to think she is any better than someone with thick, tighly curled hair much like Kimberley's or with darker skin (because of how our society defines beauty). How many black or black/white biracial women who are considered "beautiful" by society's standards have anything but straight hair? Black women are often 'made' to perm their hair because their natural hair isn't "professional" looking. What on earth? I can't tell you how many black women I know who've gone on interviews and have been told "do something about your hair" when it is in it's natural curly state. In fact, most people probaby wouldn't know what a black woman's hair looks like in its natural state because it's not deemed as 'acceptable' in our society. In order to be 'professional' looking or respected, you have to have either straight or non-black looking hair. So black women get perms in their hair because they are told they aren't beautiful and aren't respected in the business world if they don't. As I said, it's hard for someone who isn't exposed to this sort of thing on a regualr basis to understand.

I really can't do much more to explain, so I hope you understand what I'm getting at. Kimberley herself may be partially at fault (I don't know how much 'say' she has in her look at the moment...I imagine not much because she started out with her natural curls), but I think it's moreso the people in charge of her 'image' who are telling America that it's not okay to have 'crazy' hair. Simon reinforced this (I have always agreed with his remarks when they are not personal attacks) and in doing so, sent the message to girls everywhere that in order to be beautiful you have to straighten your hair. That's my only 'beef', not with anyone here...just thought I might be able to shed some light is all.

As I said, it's hard for someone who isn't exposed to this sort of thing on a regualr basis to understand.

I think I understand your concerns, PM, but I really don't think that is the situation with Kimberly.

Kimberly's huge hairstyle was simply unflattering to her features and figure. I equate it to her early clothing choices. She looked awful in those slinky slip dresses that she wore early on.

Her change in clothing styles gives her a much more attractive appearance on TV. By saying that, I am not slamming overweight people, I'm simply saying that her current clothing choices are more flattering to her figure.

Same with her hair. The big hair style made her look bigger, and it overwhelmed her beautiful face. You couldn't see anything but her hair! She could have chosen to go with a more flattering cut, instead of the straightening, and it would have produced the same results. A more flattering look for Kimberly.

Some people look better with a shorter style, some with a longer style, some with curls, and some with straight. I think it has much more to do with what's flattering to Kimberly as an individual, not a message that everyone has to have straight hair to be considered beautiful, because that is simply not true.

not a message that everyone has to have straight hair to be considered beautiful, because that is simply not true.

Sigh. One thing that binds us women together, regardless of race, is the quest to find the hairstyle that shows off our individual attributes the best.

I've always envied the girls with any sort of body or curl in their hair, since I have perfectly straight hair. I've tried curling it to see if that would help it, but I'm just not meant to carry off the curly look. Similarly, some people who were born with curls look better with their hair straight.

True's right when she says that's an individual thing. I'm sure we could all easily find pictures of women of all races who wear their hair one way and would probably look better the other.

I had an African-American roommate at camp when I was a teenager, and I was so jealous that she had options how to wear her hair. With my stringy short hair, there were only so many things you could do to make it look pretty. But she had gorgeous hair, and she wore it in a flattering style that really showed off her pretty facial features.

Kim has gorgeous features, and her hair - straight or curled - should highlight that fact. After all, what makes Kimberley Kimberley isn't just her hair, or her stunning smile, or her fantastic voice...it's the whole package inside and out.

Bebo says...919 beats 205 - I am your American Idol and the Baroness of Babedom.

I think I understand what you are trying to say, PM.

I have a child with wild curly long hair and I have wanted to straighten it, mainly because, that is the look nowadays. We are caucausian however, and this has nothing to do with race.

I am letting her go with a natural look, but I still think she would look better with straight hair. All of the girls her age seem to have similar looking straight hair, though, and maybe this is her way of being an individual.

She's 13 and I let her choose her own style anyway and help her with product suggestions to control the frizzies. She is starting to play around with her hair and see what she can do to make it look better.

Kimberly, on the other hand, is in a very public forum right now, so her look is important. When she becomes famous, maybe she will change it up and get really crazy hair - like Patti LaBelle, for example.

I do think that women should choose a more natural look when it comes to their hair, but that would probably put a lot of beauty shops out of business.

Just my thoughts.

I haven't been to a beauty shop in years, though, because I do my own hair.

LAST EDITED ON 05-09-03 AT 09:26 PM (EST)

There are very few people who are born with the hairstyle that makes them look best. Let me say, PM, that I DO see your point and understand your concern. But get a grip.

Where in pop culture do young girls ever get the message that what they are born with is good enough? I don't give a damm what their race is. Pop culture is male-dominated, and women are taught from a young age to want to be something they are not and to throw money at their insecurities.

Did Kim L look good with her frizzy hair while singing "Home?" She looked good. How did she look when she sang "New York State Of Mind?" PHENOMENAL. The fact is, that wearing kinky hair "just out there" is not the style. When you're in the pop eye, you only fight style if you have a lot of nerve and if you look GREAT. Should Kim be faulted for not taking a huge stand for her kinky hair? Not on this show, where every contestant is manicured by the producers. The producers suggested she change her style not only because it went against the grain, but because her old style didn;t look great on her.

Now, kinky hair does look good on a lot of girls. That's why it was such a rage in the 60's-80's. But welcome to the new millenium. It just is not the style. Plus, Kim's face is very, very wide. With her hair up and out, it made her look enormous. SHE looks better with straight hair. Sorry, but she does.

Come on, besides Ruben, who in the top 8 wore their hair "natural?" NOBODY. Do you think Carmen woke up with those waves? Do you think that Kim C didn't spend an hour a day under the iron? I mean, cripes, how much gel do you think CLAY goes through in a week?

I hope that this isn't disappointing for you. I'm going to assume that you have never had your hair done, and all you've ever used is a brush and a water bottle. Otherwise, I really hope you reconsider your beef.

And please, when your future daughter inevitably wants to change her hairstyle, don't take it as an insult to her black heritage, and don't make her feel ashamed. Every girl wants to experiment with her look. "Mother knows best, but baby knows otherwise." It's just a part of parenting.

Edited to note: I just read your latest post, and I agree that it is a tragedy that women who like to sport "kinky" hair (you probably hate that word, but it's succint, and not meant in a negative way) are frced to change it for business purposes. I know several women who wear their hair like that - but they don't wear much of it, and it works better. At the last office I wored at, there was a white woman who had hair literally past her butt. She was management material, but never went into management either because her look wasn't professional. Everyone has to conform to a degree to get what they want in the corporate world. It sucks, but it is.

Wow, cycle, when you get serious, you can make some really insightful comments. *is impressed*

Femme
"We are men of action; lies do not become us."