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Forum: DCForumID6
Thread Number: 18970
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Original Message
"Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by Wheezy on 03-01-05 at 06:58 PM

It is time for some more answers, if it be your will. People, now is the time to get these sweater and manner questions off your proverbial chests.

My questions:

Dear Sir,

1. Do you think a black bunny pelt would make a nice sweater?

2. What should I do about all the people who are mocking my new dress?

3. If Landru wears a sweater in a swimming pool that is 60 degrees F, will that keep him warmer than just wearing swimming trunks alone in the pool? What kind of shrinkage should we be concerned about, or will it bounce back when it dries?


Wheeze

Wheeze * Everything In Between

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by Dizwiz on 03-01-05 at 07:06 PM
I have no questions, or answers...just dropped in to tell you that I like the new look, Wheeze! I'll always be partial to the s&m hamster, though.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by ARnutz on 03-01-05 at 07:13 PM
Duh, she is wearing that get-up under the gown, silly!


*stalk*

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by kathliam on 03-01-05 at 07:37 PM
I dunno, I kinda liked that pink thong.
"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by ARnutz on 03-01-05 at 07:12 PM
I have a question:

Is it proper to make fun of Phil Keogan's manboobs when he is wearing a sweater on TAR?


... because everyone is doing it!

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by TechNoir on 03-01-05 at 07:30 PM
It is proper to make fun of his manboobs under all circumstances. But remember, when he is foolish enough to wear a sweater the poor sweater is embarassed. Be kind to it.


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson


"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by ARnutz on 03-01-05 at 11:18 PM
Oh, I would never do that!



It's not the sweater's fault!

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by MTW1961 on 03-01-05 at 07:19 PM
Oh, you're talking about sweaters that you wear. I popped in because I'm president of people who sweat.



I have polled my people and we think the brown dress makes you look like you're administering CPR to a giant acorn!

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by TechNoir on 03-01-05 at 07:33 PM
The dress isn't brown. It is 'golden toast' and looks just lovely. I think some simple yellow diamond earrings would set it off nicely, don't you?


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson


"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by MTW1961 on 03-02-05 at 01:08 AM
Ahhh, golden toast! My mistake. In that case, yes the diamond earrings would be fabulous.



"Nevermind" - Emily Litella

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by TechNoir on 03-01-05 at 07:29 PM
Dear Ms. Wheeze,

1. It would make a nice, albeit skimpy, sweater. I suspect the wearer would have some difficulty regulating his or her body temperature if that is all that is worn above the waist.

2. Why you thank them, of course. Using your sweetest, most polite words. And then you secretly put their names on Your List. You know the one. Oh, and don't tell them what you are wearing under it. (It could use some bling, though.)

3. Landru does not wear sweaters. He does, however, sometimes wear deck shoes.


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson


"Deck Shoes question"
Posted by true on 03-01-05 at 07:35 PM
Dear Dr. President,

Does Landru wear socks with his deck shoes, and if so, is that proper attire? If not, how does he keep his feet from stinking?

Love and Kisses,

true

"RE: Deck Shoes question"
Posted by TechNoir on 03-01-05 at 07:38 PM
One does not wear socks with deck shoes. They are intended to be worn sockless. Landru, of course, wears them fashionably.

The rest? Much too personal. You'll have to ask him.


"RE: Deck Shoes question"
Posted by true on 03-01-05 at 07:40 PM
So, it's inappropriate for one to enquire about the odors of ones tootsies. (I learn fast, huh? And no, I did NOT just call you toots.)

"RE: Deck Shoes question"
Posted by landruajm on 03-01-05 at 07:49 PM
Nothing about me is odiferous, but you are welcome to get close enough to find out for yourself.

"RE: Deck Shoes question"
Posted by nailbone on 03-02-05 at 09:31 AM
LAST EDITED ON 03-02-05 AT 09:51 AM (EST)

I thought all that brimstone stuff was pretty stinky. No?


New from Sigs by Syren!!

Keep lookin' up, cuz that's where it all is. o-

"RE: Deck Shoes question"
Posted by landruajm on 03-02-05 at 09:35 AM
The brimstone thing is way overplayed.

Librul media, y'know.

"Dr Manners:"
Posted by Spidey on 03-01-05 at 07:40 PM
I just recently found a thank you note I had written to my aunt and uncle for a law school graduation gift. This gift was given in May. I apparently never mailed it. I feel like an ass.

It seems too late to mail it now. How do I avoid looking like an ungrateful cad and/or forgetful idiot?




"RE: Dr Manners:"
Posted by TechNoir on 03-01-05 at 07:53 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-01-05 AT 07:54 PM (EST)

Buy a large, oogie "Thank you card." Inside write a note about what you did and how apologetic you are. And include the note that you didn't send. That much abject apologizing will give you an automatic 'bye' -- you will not look like an ungrateful cad. It is best to look like a forgetful idiot. Folks just smile nicely and shake their heads a bit.

If you still feel like an ass, you can do penance by telling your kids about the Bad Thing you did, turning it into an object lesson.

Oh, don't forget to gush in the card.


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson

Edited to spell ass without any #s.


"RE: Dr Manners:"
Posted by Wheezy on 03-01-05 at 08:34 PM
Dear Doctor,

You are brilliant.

Do I owe you a thank you such as this, perchance?

ever your loving,

Wheeze

Wheeze

Wheeze * Everything In Between

"RE: Dr Manners:"
Posted by TechNoir on 03-01-05 at 08:38 PM
Dear Wheeze,

Why no, you owe me nothing.

But.

Why did you stop bouncing? You are holding your hamster boobs with your hamster paws, so the bouncing shouldn't be a physical problem. Is there something else we should know?


Are you ... um ... expecting?


"RE: Dr Manners:"
Posted by Wheezy on 03-01-05 at 08:42 PM
I am feeling a bit queasy, now that you mention it.

Wheeze
and yes, I AM expecting! Yet, nothing ever comes. It's like waiting for Godot over here.

Wheeze * Everything In Between

"whoa!!!!"
Posted by zombiebaby on 03-01-05 at 10:00 PM
For real? Is that a maternity dress?


One more of J Slice's Awesome Creations!

"RE: whoa!!!!"
Posted by Wheezy on 03-01-05 at 10:50 PM

"Hmmm," she said, coyly.

Wheeze
hell no.

Wheeze * Everything In Between

"Darn!"
Posted by wandacal on 03-01-05 at 11:23 PM
I thought maybe there was a hamster in the oven.


Modified by JSlice

That would go lovely with a nice chablis.
*slurp*

"RE: Darn!"
Posted by TechNoir on 03-02-05 at 07:13 AM
"A" hamster, not likely. Some large number -- up to 20 I am told -- perhaps.


Mother hamsters sometimes eat their young. Perhaps they have a recipe book we don't know about.


"RE: Darn!"
Posted by Dizwiz on 03-02-05 at 09:29 AM
Oh stop! I'm having horrible hamster flashbacks!

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by diamond on 03-01-05 at 11:25 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-01-05 AT 11:29 PM (EST)

Dear President of Sweaters:

How can I get rid of those little pills that grow all over my sweaters? Do those shaver things actually work?

Respectfully submitted,

diamond


P.S. I have probably asked this before, but my memory doesn't work so good. If this is a reapeat inquiry, please accept my humble apologies.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by TechNoir on 03-02-05 at 07:16 AM
Dear Miss Diamond,

I am concerned about the quality of your sweaters. I have heard of sweater 'pills' but, of course, have never actually experienced them myself. Are you purchasing *cringe* man-made materials? Handling your sweaters roughly? Otherwise maltreating your sweaters?

Perhaps you should consider a nice cotton blouse.

PSM


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson


"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by diamond on 03-02-05 at 07:57 AM
Dear PSM:

Oh, heavens, no! Only wool here, and the occasional cashmere, when it's on sale. I think I just wear them a lot. (Unfortunately, I suspect I am part reptillian, because without my sweathers, I would freeze to death every day.)


"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by anotherkim on 03-01-05 at 11:30 PM
Dear President of Sweaters,

Is there a Secretary of Shoes? I have some newish leather mules that I like to wear without socks, but now they make my feet stink. How do you make leather shoes not smell like stinky feet? I paid more money than Mr. Kim needs to know for these shoes and I have to wear them a whole lot more. I can't go around with stinky shoes.

Thank you,

Kimmah


P.S.

I wash my feet. Really, I do.

Miscellaneous Ramblings
--I was going to say that I had a friend who had smelly leather shoes, but I was afraid you'd just think that Wheezy had smelly feet and she has so many other strikes against her.....

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by TechNoir on 03-02-05 at 07:18 AM
Dear Ms. Kimmah,

I really have no knowledge of foot matters beyond the material and care of socks. However Ms. True has made her concern about feet and their odor public knowledge. Per haps you two might get together and jointly seek 'foot' information.

Just a hint -- I have occasionally noticed a squirrel sporting what appear to be duck feet. Perhaps the owner of such a thing has specialized foot knowledge.

PSM


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson


"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by Drive My Car on 03-02-05 at 07:22 AM

Dear President of Sweaters and Manners,

I have missed many important postings by my cyber frinds.
Is there some way to catch up in the half hour I have in the morning?
What if I missed posting on something important, will peeps think I dissed them?
I got this in a forune cookie last night - The World in an oyster, and you are it's pearl.
What does it mean?
Sincerly,
Buggy


"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by landruajm on 03-02-05 at 08:10 AM
It means that the author of your fortune cookie didn't go to the CocoNanny School of Random Apostrophes, because they'd have told her that stray apostrophes are not asseptibull.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by Drive My Car on 03-02-05 at 08:58 AM

Oops, that was me. I hadn't woken up yet.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by landruajm on 03-02-05 at 09:04 AM
I much prefer to blame the fortune cookie writer. I mean, like so many of those slips of paper inside our fortune cookies, it also wasn't really a fortune. Bastiges. I want real fortunes, like "You're gonna die" and "If'n you don't stop shagging the babysitter, your wife is gonna take everything you have."

Buggy is my Queen.

"Ahem."
Posted by Coconut on 03-02-05 at 09:31 AM
If you lay a cloven 'finger' on the babysitter one more time, you're going to the naughty mat.

I could see myself working that tight suit/ample cleavage/severe tone of voice. Hmm...

"RE: Ahem."
Posted by landruajm on 03-02-05 at 09:37 AM
I think you're a little mixed up here.

Yes, you're quite extremely mixed up. Draco's with the nanny fixation. I'm the one who tried to bigamize your university chum. Can it be all that hard to sort?

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by geg6 on 03-02-05 at 09:04 AM
Dear President of Sweaters,

I'd like some advice about a friend who insists that he has no objectionable odors. However, every time he is around, there is a distinct odor of brimstone. How do I let him know that he might need an olfactory check up?


I'm such a slut for the blues.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by landruajm on 03-02-05 at 09:07 AM
Jebus H Tapdancing Christ on a Wobbly Freakin' Crutch, could you please just take it on faith that I spend every moment of every one of my days noticing you?

I mean, is that so hard to believe?

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by geg6 on 03-02-05 at 09:10 AM
Noticing poor, shy me? Hey, I'm not the stinky one.


I'm such a slut for the blues.
I must have ALL the attention ALL the time.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by landruajm on 03-02-05 at 09:13 AM
You're the shyest whip-bearing, leather-clad submissive dominatrix I know, Geg.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by geg6 on 03-02-05 at 09:25 AM
Plus I smell like figs today. Don't forget that.


I'm such a slut for the blues.
You do know that the Terps and the Panthers may be slugging it out for a spot in the brackets, don't you?

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by landruajm on 03-02-05 at 09:41 AM
I didn't know that, lost as it was in all that brimstone talk. Figs, hmm? I'm not sure I'd know that smell if I smelt it.

Gah. We're that bad?

Okay, I just looked. We're worse. Way worse. Ain't no slugging about this, y'all are in, we're barely bubblicious.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by Roo on 03-02-05 at 09:43 AM
>1. Do you think a black bunny pelt would make a nice sweater?

SilverStar, is your bunny missing???



Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by SilverStar on 03-02-05 at 11:03 AM
He's not at the moment, but I will definitely be keeping my eye on him. Savages, I tell ya.


Syren? she awesome.
She's just a hamster- I think he could take her.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by RollDdice on 03-03-05 at 02:02 AM
Do you think a black bunny pelt would make a nice sweater?

I know JV is the Holy Keeper of Martial Arts, but what the H-E-double chopsticks is a "black bunny belt" and what wimpy form of karate awards it?


Currently perfecting my spinning back kick. Kung Fu bunnies need not apply.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by Gothmog on 03-02-05 at 08:01 PM
Dear President,

Please tell me how I can better get in touch with my inner Wimp.


It's time I stopped living a lie.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by TechNoir on 03-02-05 at 08:08 PM
Dear Gotmom (or Gotmom?)

Does this fall under "Sweaters" or "Manners?" Your answer is crucial to a successful recovery.


Yes, yes it is.


"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by Gothmog on 03-02-05 at 08:35 PM
Well, I've never been a Sweater Person--should I be? Is that step 1? Should I make Phil Keoghan my new fashion model?


I don't think it's Manners. Maybe Wymyners?

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by landruajm on 03-02-05 at 09:42 PM
1. Not unless you're moving to West Hollywood.
2. Not unless you're moving to West Hollywood.
3. Not unless you're moving to West Hollywood.

For future reference, when TechNoir dresses you up in pink panties, parades you about the showroom floor, and suggests that you contact your homies?

That would be a real good time to hunker down and wait for reinforcements. We'll get there, we'll bring the big artillery, we'll get you through it, man.

Now adjust yourself publicly and get back in the game, big fella. We shall speak no more of this.

No. It's Manners. And complete submission? Truly does not become you. I suggest you go nurture your cult of dominance; I know for fact that you suffer from no shortage of hot OT babeage crushing on you around here. Now get out there and exploit your masculinity, and remember your mantra ("I looooove p00ntang!").

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by Wheezy on 03-02-05 at 10:59 PM

Dear Mz Prs,

Our family was invited to dine at the home of some friends this evening, along with another couple and their children. The following things happened:

1. I brought a nice bottle of Merlot as a gift to the hostess, and she put it in the refrigerator (ouch!) Should I have said something?

2. There were many little children present. When I went outside to check on them, two of the younger ones (boy age 5, girl age 4) were jumping on the trampoline with their pants and underthings down around their ankles. What is the proper thing to do/say in this situation?

Thank you in advance for your thoughtful answers.

Wheezy

Wheeze

Wheeze * Everything In Between

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by TechNoir on 03-02-05 at 11:11 PM
Dear Mz Wheeze,

1. How thoughtful you were. But ... do you normally tell people what to do with the gifts you present? Do you explain how to wear a tie? To be sure to read a book beginning with page 1? And the like? Of course not. Perhaps someone in the household has a throat condition that is only relieved by chilled Merlot. You might remember this the next time you take a gift to these folks, however. Flowers are always suitable.

2. How odd that you would notice the attire of the children. But, since you did, Mz. Prz probably would have walked purposefully toward the parents and asked loudly what they were using on the children's genital rashes. In a most concerned tone, of course.

Alternatively, had you fortunately found a Sharpie in your purse, you could have initialled their little behinds. I know you are living in a new area. Perhaps this attire is culturally appropriate. Is this how you were dressed when you had your trampoline incident?

PSM



"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson


"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by Spidey on 03-02-05 at 11:10 PM
WIth obnoxiously gushing card sent to dissed Aunt & Uncle, I have yet another dilemma.

When Spideyboy's art teacher call my work today to complain about my 8 year old son's disruptive behavior in her class every Friday afternoon, last period and wondered what she should do about it, and in particular the incident where son's friend pull son's other friend's hair which is somehow son's fault, would it have been wrong to tell her to bite me and do her job and if he didn't behave then do her job some more and send him to the principal?

Cuz I wanted to. But I didn't. I suggested she sit son at a different art table. She thought that was a good idea. Don't they teach this stuff in education classes?


Personally, I think I showed remarkable restraint.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by TechNoir on 03-02-05 at 11:15 PM
How odd. A trained educational professional phoning an amateur for advice on how to perform her job.

I think you might have explained that she could make an appointment at your usual rates and you would be glad to try to help her solve her problem. You might also have suggested that she may have more success contacting someone who was trained in this field, however.

And, while you might have suggested that she bite you, she really should make an appointment first.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by Spidey on 03-02-05 at 11:21 PM
See and I would have though "bite me" impolite, appointment or no. You truly an asset to our collective etiquette.


I'm thinking the next time I have a legal question, I should call her for advice.

"RE: Dear President of Sweaters and Manners, "
Posted by TechNoir on 03-03-05 at 02:07 PM
Thank you so much Miss Spidey.


"Fear is just another word for ignorance." Hunter S. Thompson