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Original Message
"Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."

Posted by shakes the clown on 05-31-01 at 06:31 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-31-01 AT 06:33 PM (EST)


Shakes Burnett Production is looking for ONE person to partake in the adventure of a lifetime. Many of you people have already applied and were rejected for this opportunity in the past...that does NOT preclude you from applying again. And who knows, just because you were at one time deemed too boring and not interesting enough to be a part of the show, doesn't mean that you will not be ultimately chosen....were in a bit of a time constraint so its definitely a seller's market.

So, since I already have your applications on file, this is your last chance to convince me why I should choose you....please, in 50 words or less, tell me why you should be chosen to be a memeber of Shakesvivor.

Begin...................now!

Shakesvivor: Whoring it up for 23 straight days

Edited to remove some of the more glaring spelling errors


Table of contents

Messages in this discussion
"Foul!"
Posted by IceCat on 05-31-01 at 06:58 PM
A point of order...

The addition of fresh whore meat to the AA tribe would present an unfair disadvantage to the BB tribe.

I suggest that either no replacement be provided OR any replacement be subjected to a good, savage, and near-fatal kicking administered by the BB tribe prior to their delivery to the AA camp.

Respectfully submitted for the consideration of the producer.



"RE: Foul!"
Posted by Outfrontgirl on 05-31-01 at 08:33 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-31-01 AT 08:34 PM (EST)

ROFLMAO UNFAIR!!!! LOL...LOL
DUDE, NOTHING ABOUT THIS GAME IS FAIR!

IF YOU WANNA SMELL SOMETHING FOUL,
STICK YOUR NOSE IN YOUR BB TENT, LIKE
CHECK IT OUT

AND ICE CAT, MAN, ARE YOU PLANNING ON MAKIN THE MERGE
CUZ YOU JUST MADE YOURSELF OUR FIRST TARGET.
GET READY TO SIT ON A POLE FOR LIKE 2 DAYS

ARROWGENT AUSSIES REWL!!!!!!!!



"RE: Foul!"
Posted by dangerkitty on 05-31-01 at 10:09 PM
Skierdude, you're so..so... articulate!! I had no idea that you could speak in complete sentences!

Thirteen, hmmmm? Wanna go behind the tent and play teacher and schoolboy? I get to be MaryKay!!!


"Whatever charm school you went to, you should demand a full refund."
-a guy at my dojo, after I offered to kick his butt during sparring (he thought it wasn't very 'ladylike').


"RE: Foul!"
Posted by ItzLisa on 06-01-01 at 06:39 AM

>Thirteen, hmmmm? Wanna go behind the tent and play teacher and schoolboy? I get to be MaryKay!!!

*** EEEEWWW, DK!!! LOL!!! Hey!!! Unfair advantage! If they play "Mary Kay", that means they're gonna crank out at least two babies between her jail terms - that gives them a two person lead before the merge! I say UNFAIR! (hee hee!)

Skierdude, has Outfrontgirl been teaching you to talk (and walk upright) again????

**************************************


"RE: Foul!"
Posted by George Tirebiter on 06-01-01 at 11:00 PM
> I suggest that either no replacement be provided OR any replacement be subjected to a good, savage, and near-fatal
>kicking administered by the BB tribe prior to their delivery to the AA camp
Hear, hear! It would be an unfair advantage to have someone well-rested, well-fed, and with a complete lack of body odor come into the game at this point. . . Whether the rules will allow this or not, I say we follow IC's suggestion and knock the crap out of the guy! (And it ought to be an interesting thing to see how the Mounties prefer to beat the crap out of their suspects--kinda like Cops Goes to Canadia!)

GT


"Dedicated to the Felines of Law Enforcement..."
Posted by IceCat on 06-02-01 at 01:23 AM
Bad Cats...

Bad Cats...

Watcha-gonna-doooooo?

Watcha-gonna-do when they come for youuuuuuu - eh?


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Drive My Car on 05-31-01 at 07:05 PM
Ok what the Hell, I have been taking a beating for thinking you are funny anyway.

Lets see 50 words.( oh wait that is already four) and now there are 10 words. This is so easy. Ummmm Pick me Stupid Clown Pick me.Damn only 27. You are the ruler of all that is bad, so pick me, ummm, so you can make fun of me, and ah..... ( ok how many is that? )

EBug
( who doesn't really wanna be on it, but thought Shakes post looked really pathetic just sitting there)


"The real truth about Cherberrie"
Posted by Cherberrie on 05-31-01 at 07:29 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-31-01 AT 07:46 PM (EST)

OK, Shakes, you asked for it! Here's my "audition" in exactly 50 words:

So you think I’m a sweet Cherberrie
Too proud to sleep with a clown
My real persona is bawdy
I love sex from sunup to sundown

I had to decline your offer
When asked to sleep with you
You would have caught my diseases
From all the men I screw


Cherberrie


"RE: The real truth about Cherberrie"
Posted by George Tirebiter on 05-31-01 at 10:08 PM
> You would have caught my diseases
>From all the men I screw
Shakes, if this doesn't fit the bill, nothing will. . .

GT


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Lisapooh on 05-31-01 at 11:24 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-31-01 AT 11:26 PM (EST)

Does this mean those of us that hadn't yet discovered the mayhem, the madness, the infinite wonder that is shakesvivor are excluded? I mean - how can you really discriminate against people that miss deadlines?

I am pooh - hear my plea...

1. I am sneaky, mean, self-absorbed and more than a little paranoid

2. I'm just a single mom trying to make it in a harsh harsh world (this line works for me more often than not)

3. I'm a slut with a full "C"

and finally - if you don't pick me I will turn into one litigious b!tch

edited to add that I've slept with clowns before


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Dakota on 06-07-01 at 01:20 AM
>edited to add that I've slept
>with clowns before

Who hasn't?



"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by desert_rhino on 05-31-01 at 11:27 PM
How about 6 words?

1: I'll
2: stop
3: blowing
4: up
5: your
6: shit.

-- JV


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by landruajm on 06-01-01 at 05:28 PM
Y'know, I first read this BEFORE I caught up on almost a week of action here at SB/OT, so I thought it was kinda weird that someone who was already a contestant wanted to be picked.

Please don't pick JV. I LIKE him blowing up stuff.


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by dabo on 06-01-01 at 00:12 AM
lol.
obviously, as i am a morph between danl boone and ziggy stardust, not to mention a determined oblivious saint, you don't have the writing skills to do me justice.

"If the race of man should be left naked upon a desert island, we should become extinct in six weeks. A few individuals might linger, but in a year would become worse than monkeys." (Samuel Butler, "Erewhon")


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 06-01-01 at 00:28 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-01 AT 01:24 AM (EST)

Who knows more about raising le stink in the wilderness and wooing zee fine women? Pepe's the way to go! Also, got to celebrate my 100th DAW in style and go out in a blaze of glory before my wedding at end of this month. Also got tomato juice stash.

Edited to fix typos


"SAVE THE IDIOT"
Posted by idiotcowboy on 06-01-01 at 03:12 AM
deep in though, in the west texas desert a cowboy sadly ponders his retirement... if only that stupid clown had of picked me... if only...

Ok Mr Clown here goes.

Pick me and I will STAY FOREVER (or at least until I get voted off)
Pick me not, and I will GO AWAY FOREVER (or at least a week this time)

it's that simple... please start your writting campaign immediately.

SAVE THE IDIOT

-ICB
"If you don't go, you can't come back." something a girlfriend once told me... I think it was a trick question.


"RE: SAVE THE IDIOT"
Posted by VampKira on 06-01-01 at 03:17 AM
Woo Hoo.. Save the idiot!! But don't feed him beans!

w.l.s.f.c.

Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska



"RE: SAVE THE IDIOT"
Posted by Outfrontgirl on 06-01-01 at 03:38 AM
Yeah, what he said and she said.

Idiot, there was an old Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks hit:
"How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?"

Your girlfriend may have borrowed the line...
I always liked that song.

SAVE THE IDIOT!




"The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by AyatollahKhomeini on 06-01-01 at 03:42 AM
>Idiot, there was an old Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks hit:
>"How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?"

OFG, I saw what I content was the most mismatched pairing of artists ever: Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks opening for Steppenwolf!


"RE: The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by Outfrontgirl on 06-01-01 at 01:49 PM
Sounds like you got it, Aya K. I'm laughing away at the image.
Thanks...

"RE: The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by SkyRaider on 06-03-01 at 12:46 PM
Nope, you're not even close to the worst double billing.

The Antelope Valley Fair (High Desert area, California) must
have the very, very worst.

Gary Coleman is appearing on the same night that Bob Dylan is going to be on in August.

How low can Bobby Zimmerman actually go? I thought his Born Again thing was about the lowest point of his career, other than
changing over to electric guitars, but this
has to top them all.

Don't even ask what Gary Coleman will be doing there, I have
no idea and I don't think that I want to know.


"RE: The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by Outfrontgirl on 06-06-01 at 06:36 PM
Sky Raider,
I just saw this reply and lol...
"The Antelope Valley Fair (High Desert area, California) must
have the very, very worst."

OMG, this is where I went to High School, as, I might add, did Frank Zappa! The sad thing is, the AV Fair is the biggest thing to happen there in the entire year--it's been a long time since I went. This Dylan appearance almost makes me want to go back.
How did you manage to hear about this.

Ummm, no the lowest moment will be if Coleman gets top billing...
Give Zimmy a break; at least he won an Oscar this year for writing a song about a guy who burned out on drugs after doing genius writing in his youth...As long as you can mock yourself...



"What you talkin about Willis"
Posted by Mumbo Jumbo on 06-07-01 at 11:25 PM
Dylan played here a few weeks ago. I spent the whole night listening to: ammum ammum tambourine man ammum ammum. The rest of the evening was devoted to argueing about whether Dylan was singing all his old stuff but indecipherably, or whether he had ripped off his own songs so the new ones sounded virtually identical to the old ones. Then comes the intro and crystal clearly: Knock, knock, knockin on heavens door. It was the back- up singers. Only time all night we were sure which song it was.
Still a good show.

Dylan looked like Vincent Price in kabuki makeup at the Oscars. Scary. Maybe I should have posted this under the phobia thread.


"RE: What you talkin about Willis"
Posted by SkyRaider on 06-08-01 at 11:56 AM
"Dylan looked like Vincent Price in kabuki makup at the Oscars."

Wow! That's EXACTLY who he looked like...and it was scary!


"RE: The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by SkyRaider on 06-08-01 at 11:54 AM

I read about it in the Newhall Signal, which devotes most of their "Escape" (weekend section) to slamming the fair citizens of the Antelope Valley. The Antelope Valley Press does likewise to us superior beings in the Santa Clarita Valley.

The Antelope Valley is trying to make its annual "Poppy Festival" another major draw in addition to the AV Fair. That would probably work if they could process the Poppies into the commmodity they are most known for. I knew that Frank Zappa grew up there and figured the Poppies might have had something to do with his wonderful tongue-in-cheek outlook on life. Either that or he spent a lot of time licking those toads.

Of course, we in the Santa Clarita Valley get our kicks less naturally, riding those stupid roller coasters at Magic Mountain.


"RE: The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by Drive My Car on 06-08-01 at 12:32 PM
Hey Sky Raider I think I posted this to you once before, I used to live in Santa Clarita, worked for Valencia Company, lived on Magic Mountain Parkway.
I love that Valley.

EBug


"RE: The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by SkyRaider on 06-08-01 at 12:38 PM
Wow! I lived two blocks behind Shakey's Pizza off of Bouquet Canyon for about 26 years and now live directly behind City Hall on Del Monte.

And yep, Valencia Company STILL owns the SCV, lock, stock and barrel.


"RE: The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by Drive My Car on 06-08-01 at 01:10 PM
City Hall is on Del Monte?
I worked customer service/construction , I worked on those Condos that are on Del Monte ( the pink ones what are they called?) When I worked there we built Discovery ( behind Hughes) Bungalows, Arbor Park, The Summit etc.
I worked for them for 5 years. And actually lived in their Company housing. The old Edison houses that used to be on the nasty curve on MM PKwy ( I think they straightened the road)
And I lived behind MM's parking lot, in one of those little houses where the riding stables used to be.

I grew up in Sylmar, so Newhall was like home to me. I had a friend to went to Hart.
Last time I was there I couldn't believe it. What happened to the Old Road????? Really grown.

EBug


"RE: The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by SkyRaider on 06-08-01 at 01:54 PM
Naw, City Hall is on Valencia Blvd, but across the fence (the infamous pink condos) backs up to it on Del Monte. They are called the Santa Fe(s).... Uh, I think. Now that I've typed that, it doesn't look right. I'll look at the sign at the entrance when I walk the mutt later on.

So you lived in the old Edison houses at the horrible "Edison Curve?" They are still in the process of straightening that thing, or adding more lanes or something. The Kaiser clinics are down that little street now.

The Old Road west of the freeway has really boomed in the "Stevenson Ranch" area. I try to avoid it and pretend that nothing exists "west of the freeway." Except In'n'Out Hamburgers, of course.

My kids used to go riding at that stable behind MM..it wasn't Circle K, but something like that...Rocking J? One or two of those little houses that used to be back there have been moved over to Hart Park by the train station as a part of "Heritage Park" because one of the early Newhalls lived in it.


"RE: The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by Drive My Car on 06-08-01 at 02:09 PM
Oh My gosh the memories.
It was Circle something, and when I moved in the stables were still there ( and the flies)for about a year, then they were torn down, we used to walk down to the river on the old riding trails. The houses that were moved to Hart Park, one was one of the Edison houses, though not mine, they were the coolest, built in the 20's. The Feedmill Rd houses that went to Hart park were both lived in by friends of mine, til about 2 years ago ( I think) In fact there were only 6 houses when I first lived there, but they were torn down one by one after they were vacant. Which made me mad because they tried to charge me a clean up fee when I moved out of my house, AFTER I knew it had been bulldozed.

Was neat to be able to see Colossus from my kitchen window.

Santa Fe, Yep, my Boss actually lived in one of those. I worked mostly in on site Trailers, in big empty fields that now have been built over ( like the field where the Mall is now)

What High school did you go to?

EBug


"RE: The world's worst double-bill"
Posted by SkyRaider on 06-08-01 at 02:22 PM
I went to Newhall Elementary back in the 50's for one year, but went to Washington High in South Central. It wasn't that bad, really. It was great training for Vietnam.

Both of my kids went to Saugus High. The also both worked at and were fired from MM at various times, as most kids in the SCV have been.

There are five roller coasters at MM now. Some woman 28 years old died on the newest and biggest one last weekend of a stroke. MM is claiming it wasn't related of course. She just got on it doing okay and at the end of the ride she was deader than a mackerel. A couple of bangers from Pacoima just filed yet another lawsuit claiming racial discrimination because the security people at MM shook them down and sent them back to their cars and away from the park.

That's funny about them wanting to charge you a cleaning fee when they bulldozed the house!!


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by aymelek on 06-01-01 at 09:08 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-01 AT 09:10 AM (EST)

I only replied to this so I can try to stop the clown's head in front, because now I'm obsessed with it.

edited to say THANKS A LOT King Oscar!!


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by mistofleas on 06-01-01 at 01:33 PM
Shoot, now KO and Aymlek have got me trying to stop the stupid clown head from rotating too! Dang it people, I'm suppose to be working here!
Shakes darling...I don't think there are 50 words to describe how I feel about being or not being on show. I'll give it a go:

I have realized that clowns and mimes are two different animals. My issues with the evil mime of my past of nothing to do with the evil clown of my present. So, that said...pick me and I will sleep with you, often. Incentive for you...I'm very "bendy" *wink*

I guess I was wrong...that was exactly 50 words!! Do I get extra points for that?

mistofleas


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Drive My Car on 06-01-01 at 03:44 PM
"Bendy"?
that cracked me up

EBug


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by desert_rhino on 06-01-01 at 03:51 PM
"bendy" is good...

-- JV


OMG! {click} It's so SOFT and CUDDLY!!


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by sleeeve on 06-01-01 at 08:50 PM
>Incentive
>for you...I'm very "bendy" *wink*

Mmmmmmm *licks lips*





I like bendy...

"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by landruajm on 06-01-01 at 05:31 PM
Pick me, I need to get me one of them signature pics anyway. And you know so little about me you could boot me almost immediately, allowing mo' ho' time for bigger DAWs.

"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Outfrontgirl on 06-01-01 at 05:38 PM
landruajm--I know one thing about you--you were a very sharp trader on Survivor Market, which leads me to suspect you are craftier than your application makes you sound. And by the way, hello, nice to see you.

"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Lisapooh on 06-01-01 at 05:50 PM
I think I need a lobbyist, pr professional and a crack market research team to help infiltrate the game.

Screw it - I'm resorting to the lowest common denominator. Tomorrow is my birthday. You don't want to reject me on my birthday do you? Well, maybe you do, but it would be really really mean.

I'm all over that signature picture thing too. That was an excellent ploy.

buhbye.


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by dabo on 06-02-01 at 00:38 AM
happy birthday, lisapooh!!!!


Hey, Shakes, pick Lisapooh!!!!!


Much as I know ya don't got the skills to do me, Lisapooh would be an even bigger challenge for ya!!!! Prove you got da bones, pick Lisapooh!!!!!


"If the race of man should be left naked upon a desert island, we should become extinct in six weeks. A few individuals might linger, but in a year would become worse than monkeys." (Samuel Butler, "Erewhon")


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Lisapooh on 06-02-01 at 01:43 AM
I'm trying to figure out if there's a compliment wrapped up in there or an insult!

Thanks for the birthday wishes, dabo. Just don't send me a freakin' e-card. If I see one more dancing duck, flitting butterfly, virtual flower arrangement or adorable cat jumping out of an animated box in the next 24 hours, I may have to hurl.


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by dabo on 06-03-01 at 02:23 AM
No insult intended, Lisapooh, I'm just trying to encourage the clown to flex his creative muscles, challenge himself, rather than falling back on the cheap and easy tricks he knows. Would you like the email with the running man and the multiplying candles? It's hysterical.

"If the race of man should be left naked upon a desert island, we should become extinct in six weeks. A few individuals might linger, but in a year would become worse than monkeys." (Samuel Butler, "Erewhon")


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Kismet on 06-01-01 at 07:12 PM
LOL! We Market players will always be our own little secret society on here won't we?


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by moonbaby on 06-02-01 at 11:51 AM
Please pick ICB. We miss Colby! And if you don't pick him, I think Jenna Bush would liven things up a bit


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by desert_rhino on 06-07-01 at 09:13 AM
I am suuuuure you meant to say young BARBARA Bush would liven things up a bit... gggrrr.rrr.rrr.rrrrr.rrrrr

-- JV


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Survivorchick on 06-07-01 at 01:59 PM
Pick me! Pick me! I'm very good at playing two characters at once. If that little girl did it in "Parent Trap" I can certainly do it! One of me is a man-hating lesbian, the other could be an overbearing bossy slut! We could both sleep with you at the same time Shakes. That could get interesting...


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Drive My Car on 06-07-01 at 03:27 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-07-01 AT 03:28 PM (EST)

Hey Chickie
You're scaring me

EBug

** she looks so innocent too***


"RE: Shakesvivor Audition Announcement....."
Posted by Dakota on 06-07-01 at 10:31 PM
Hey, girls, while you are all busy offering to cyber-sleep with Shakes for a spot on his cyber-show, has it ever occurred to you that some of us already have in REAL time/space? We really don't know who he is! Think about the guys you've "known". Have any of them been funny AND incorrigible? Got any stories that could have been Shakes?


"Selection"
Posted by AyatollahKhomeini on 06-12-01 at 07:11 PM
As I've said, I'm not shakes. I didn't like the idea of having to select a new contestant from scratch ... but somebody had to do it, or we'd only have 15 episodes. So here's what I did --- I assigned each of the candidates a number in sequence and ran a random number generator to make the choice. And the winner is...

PepeLePew13

"The Skunk" will debut in E3. To the rest of you, my apologies. To PepeLePew13, my congratulations. Unlike the real Survivor, we seem to have quite a few Canadians in our version!


"Bumping to the front"
Posted by AyaK on 01-31-02 at 10:00 PM
The audition posts should be near the front of the forum, right? So I'm bumping this one. skierdude10 lives!