• RE: TAR All-Star Hawkeye - Bonus version,Silvergirl1, 08:38 AM, 04-03-07
• RE: TAR All-Star Hawkeye - Bonus version,Bebo, 12:27 PM, 04-03-07
• RE: TAR All-Star Hawkeye - Bonus version,Snidget, 01:00 PM, 04-03-07
• RE: TAR All-Star Hawkeye - Bonus version,warp_core breach, 02:22 PM, 04-06-07

1. Jumping into their taxi, Mirna asks if they should wait for “Jamie” and Oswald. Just who is this interloper?

"Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend." (Sitcom reference, you figure it out.)

2. The Beauty Queens realized very quickly that Chopin was actually dead. When did they acquire this amazing insight?

They tried calling his house, and his wife told them, which is scary because she's dead, too.

3. What other medical emergency should Mirna have announced while waiting at the Zanzibarian travel agency?

She needs her mouth sewn up, please!

4. Danielle was surprised to find out that Warsaw, Poland is not in Zanzibar. What other global locales does she think are on that island?

Cleveland, Ohio?

5. OK, so Joe has a major meltdown at the Kilimanjaro Airport. What did Bill do to keep security forces from beating him to a pulp?

Bill distracted them with a dance routine he learned while selling vacuum cleaners in college.

6. What was the taxi driver thinking when Schmirna asked him about ‘polish hot dogs’ and ‘polish sausage’?

Oh, no! I hope they aren't asking for a 3 way.

7. Joyce was looking for an “Angel” at the clue box. Where did it go?

It was actually a gnome, and they all live at Travelocity.

8. Team Cha-cha managed to break not one, but two piano wires. How did they get so strong?

They eat their spinach, like Popeye.

9. Team Guido was looking for the ‘hunkiest’ mannequin, with nice pecs. What other physical feature wasn’t mentioned?

The 2 foot polish sausage.

10. Danny thought the piano player was ‘eye candy’. How would Charla describe him? (Bonus - how would the piano player describe Charla?)

Charla thought he had a lot of nose hair from her perspective view point, but then everyone does. The piano player thought Charla was a tone deaf midget who likes to hang out with skelps (see #14 below).

11. Just what has Danielle done to become so tone deaf?

It was silicone that muffled the tone.

12. Where was the naked mannequin Charla recalled?

This one time, at band camp...

13. What kind of tip did the BQ/Schmira Unified Team leave at the kielbasa restaurant?

I don't think they left a tip, just hunks and chunks. Ewwww!

14. Team Guido dashed into a Polish 7-11 to get a road map (a “Polish road map”, fortunately!). There was a sign that read “skelp”. Just what does that mean?

Skelp is a word meaning skinny beotch. See #15 below and #10 above for use in a sentence.

15. OK, get in the mind of Charla’s horse. Give us a brief monologue of the trip to the castle.

Maybe if I keep turning in a circle, she'll let go of the reins and I can go back to the stable for some oats.

Yikes, that shrieking skelp is annoying me so much, my ears are bleeding. I can't stand it anymore!

Okay, I'll follow the yellow brick road out of here with the Munchkin in the suit of armor. Better get it over with!

Hi, Phil! Nice man boobs. I'm leaving before the shrieking starts again.

1. Jumping into their taxi, Mirna asks if they should wait for “Jamie” and Oswald. Just who is this interloper?

Jamie is a little person that travels with Oswald. Jamie bit the cameraman, which is why he never appears onscreen.

2. The Beauty Queens realized very quickly that Chopin was actually dead. When did they acquire this amazing insight?

They weren't talking about Chopin. This is another 'blame the cameraman' moment. Their cameraman dropped dead of shock as soon as one of the barbies made the comment, so the 'he' being referenced was the cameraman, not the decomposing composer.

3. What other medical emergency should Mirna have announced while waiting at the Zanzibarian travel agency?

Constipation. 'Roids. Oops, sorry, those are the medical emergencies Mirna's presence inspires in others.

In the TAR outtakes, there's a scene of Mirna yelling, "Hurry, I'm having a baby!" Unfortunately for her, the travel agent saw Charla and thought that there was no longer a need to rush.

4. Danielle was surprised to find out that Warsaw, Poland is
not in Zanzibar. What other global locales does she think are on that island?

Djibouti, given the number of times Eric has commented on hers. Sound it out, folks...it is funnier than it looks.

5. OK, so Joe has a major meltdown at the Kilimanjaro Airport. What did Bill do to keep security forces from beating him to a pulp?

Sang three verses of What Would Brian Boitano do and bought him a mochachino.

6. What was the taxi driver thinking when Schmirna asked him about ‘polish hot dogs’ and ‘polish sausage’?

So, is there a way I can crash this taxi that wouldn't hurt me or the taxi but would inflict serious physical harm on those morons in the back seat?

7. Joyce was looking for an “Angel” at the clue box. Where did it go?

It was stuck at the airport, waiting for tickets on a connecting flight.

8. Team Cha-cha managed to break not one, but two piano wires. How did they get so strong?

When you've gone this long without a proper manicure, honey, you can do anything.

9. Team Guido was looking for the ‘hunkiest’ mannequin, with nice pecs. What other physical feature wasn’t mentioned?

They had already dealt with two feet of it at the intersection.

10. Danny thought the piano player was ‘eye candy’. How would
Charla describe him? (Bonus - how would the piano player describe Charla?)

Tall and mean. After all, since she's a little person, he should be nice to her and explain exactly what needs to be done to finish the Detour. And just because they didn't do it right, that shouldn't be held against them. Doesn't he have any compassion?

Bonus - He was too busy looking for her organ grinder to say much.

11. Just what has Danielle done to become so tone deaf?

Tuning out Eric.

12. Where was the naked mannequin Charla recalled?

In the same bizarro world where taxi drivers don't expect payment and being annoying constitutes an emergency.

13. What kind of tip did the BQ/Schmira Unified Team leave at the kielbasa restaurant?

Just a drop in the bucket. (GROAN)

14. Team Guido dashed into a Polish 7-11 to get a road map (a “Polish road map”, fortunately!). There was a sign that read “skelp”. Just what does that mean?

Big Gulp.

15. OK, get in the mind of Charla’s horse. Give us a brief monologue of the trip to the castle.

What the hell is that thing? It's too big to be an apple. It's talking, so it's not a carrot. Damn, can't eat it...oh, look, it fell down! Hehehehehehehe, that was cool. Wonder what would happen if I spun it around. Ooo, that's fun. Maybe I can make it fall down again. Cool! I just wish that ugly whiny stick next to it would shut.up.now. This would be loads more fun if I didn't have to listen to that thing go on and on and on. SHUT UP! In the name of everything holy, SHUT UP! OK, OK, I'll walk to the damn castle if you will just SHUT UP!

1. Jumping into their taxi, Mirna asks if they should wait for “Jamie” and Oswald. Just who is this interloper?
James aka Rocky from Survivor.

2. The Beauty Queens realized very quickly that Chopin was actually dead. When did they acquire this amazing insight?
The giggle fit of the cameraman as he rolled on the ground

3. What other medical emergency should Mirna have announced while waiting at the Zanzibarian travel agency?
The rupture of her vocal chords.

4. Danielle was surprised to find out that Warsaw, Poland is not in Zanzibar. What other global locales does she think are on that island?
Xanadu

5. OK, so Joe has a major meltdown at the Kilimanjaro Airport. What did Bill do to keep security forces from beating him to a pulp?
He volunteered for a cavity search

6. What was the taxi driver thinking when Schmirna asked him about ‘polish hot dogs’ and ‘polish sausage’?
His Winky?

7. Joyce was looking for an “Angel” at the clue box. Where did it go?
Flew away, flew away, flew away home.

8. Team Cha-cha managed to break not one, but two piano wires. How did they get so strong?
Paddling from Cuba.

9. Team Guido was looking for the ‘hunkiest’ mannequin, with nice pecs. What other physical feature wasn’t mentioned?
Nice butt

10. Danny thought the piano player was ‘eye candy’. How would Charla describe him? (Bonus - how would the piano player describe Charla?)
Knee Candy? (Zee leetle won)

11. Just what has Danielle done to become so tone deaf?
Dated guys who only thought they were musicians

12. Where was the naked mannequin Charla recalled?
There was a naked mannequin recall? First pet food, now this.

13. What kind of tip did the BQ/Schmira Unified Team leave at the kielbasa restaurant?
Blond tresses braided into a noose.

14. Team Guido dashed into a Polish 7-11 to get a road map (a “Polish road map”, fortunately!). There was a sign that read “skelp”. Just what does that mean?
Mirenglish not spoken here

15. OK, get in the mind of Charla’s horse. Give us a brief monologue of the trip to the castl
How many donuts can I do on the way to the castle. Oh look, bushes, must eat some bushes. Why is that hag shrieking? What did I just step on? Ooooo look, bushes, must eat some bushes

"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top."
- An English Professor