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Thread Number: 1470
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Original Message
"Be the All-sTAR 11.2"

Posted by Seana on 02-25-07 at 11:56 PM
Hello Racers and welcome to the Vally of Death!

*jarring chord*

Many of you were stupid this week, lucky for you the Festers were stupider. You guys from the easier seasons must be surprised at how the clues and puzzles are once again clues and puzzles and not just instructions on what to do next.

Rob and Amber, for crying out loud. *I* dance at the Pit Stop. Do not - I repeat - DO NOT continue to muscle in on my schtick. My job is totally secure and I resent the two of you constantly trying to outdo me. *checks Golf Equipment*

Oh, and you're team #1 again. Have some off-road motorcycles. Did Amber ever try out for the Price is Right? I know Bob is always looking for contestants who give REALLY BIG REACTIONS. Or maybe she just really loves motorcross?

Danny and Oswald: I'm not sure that being able to manipulate nuts By Hand means that you were a man in a previous life.

Joe and Bill: I only like the hot gay guys to hug me. Sorry, Bill, though I *am* impressed that you were the second person to figure out the Detour.

Eric and Danielle: I could probably make fun of Eric for not figuring out the clue at the Roadblock, but I'm just looking forward too much to next week's flounder-catching Roadblock. Hee.

Uchenna and Joyce: Well, I guess I *will* make fun of Joyce. You were nearly the first person into the boardroom and one of the last to figure it out. Good grief.

Dustin and Kandice: Mucho applause for Dustin for being the first to figure out how to complete the Roadblock. Too bad you couldn't hang on to your lead.

Teri and Ian: You were there. You did stuff. You finished. Meh.

Charla and Mirna, we're going to be playing Hole song for your background music now:

Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to

Bitter, angry music, though not being sung in a fake accent of any kind.

David and Mary: Mary says that she's spent all her time on TAR helping people. I must have missed that last time. Besides, didn't you say that you didn't need anyone?

Kevin and Drew, you're the last team to arrive... um, Drew? OK, you have to come back. I have to say this stuff and everything. No, really. Look, it's in your contract. Thank-you. Alright.

I'm sorry to tell you... Get back here. Seriously. Thank-you. OK.

I'm sorry to tell you... Hey, Native Greeter! Go sit on Drew would you? Thanks.

I'm sorry to tell you you've been eliminated from The Amazing Race. Ha! Said the whole thing.

OK, Greeter, you can let him go now.


Administrative Notes:

Please keep the game in the game thread.

New posters are welcome! All the Racers are taken. Anyone may post as a sound person or cameraman or taxi driver. Or hey, be creative! Post as a front-end loader or the guy who tried to get $100 out of Charla and Mirna and got a purse instead. Jump on in and play with us!


Table of contents

Messages in this discussion
"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 02-26-07 at 02:20 AM
Where's the showers? More importantly, who'll drop the soap?

And we can not only have gay 4-wheeling, but gay front-end loading, right Bill?


Nice outfits at the last Pit Stop, if I do say so myself.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by sporkman on 02-26-07 at 09:47 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-26-07 AT 04:44 PM (EST)

...Y-M-C-A! It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!

What was that Joe, sorry, I was pretending to be a member of my favorate Man-Band.
Driving this front-end loader is really fun. If we weren't in a race and had more time I'd let you give it a try.



"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 02-28-07 at 03:23 PM
Get the heck out of it, goof! I TOLD you I needed a turn, didn't I? We are so not getting penalized for not doing a Detour properly.


I wonder what Momily was thinking when they saw that?


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by mikey on 02-26-07 at 09:07 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-26-07 AT 09:08 AM (EST)

Hey, Drew, for All Stars 2 I ditch you and team up with Danielle.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Max Headroom on 02-26-07 at 06:43 PM
I hope you don't have to drive anywhere to pick up Danielle! She'll die of old age before you get there.

*sticks out tongue*

Or was it Drew who was driving? With those matching chrome domes, I can't tell the two of you apart. Sheesh, people say D and I look alike...


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by zipperhead on 02-26-07 at 09:42 AM
You didn't see what was edited out. That bastard driver wanted something more than money. And he wanted it from Charla!



"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Estee on 02-26-07 at 10:16 AM
...I'm racing with a lunatic.

Okay. Let's take this step by step. We were okay getting to the first airport, more or less. Everything was fine on the plane. The Roadblock? No problems: we cleared it eventually, there was another bunch point at the airport anyway, and this gives me one of the few that aren't going to be that physically intensive. And then we get to the copper mine and things start to go wrong. Maybe it was copper fumes getting to my cousin's brains. Who knew copper and asbestos were in the same family? I didn't until I realized just how insulated Mirna's been up until now.

News flash, cuz: the tires are about nine feet tall. Everyone needed a stepstool! Did you see the big collection of stepstools a few feet away? They weren't there just for me: they were waiting for the whole field to come and get one! But no, you deny the existence of stepstools. And tires. And lugnuts. Suddenly, she's gone soliphist on me: only Mirna exists, and somehow, this doesn't put her in first place! She's the only person in the universe and she's still trailing. How does that work? (And who is she checking in with?)

So I get to carry an insane person, because I can toss her around, but she can't lift me. Gee, that sounds oddly familiar...

The taxi... oh, boy... Okay, this is one of those things that happens on the Race. You pay for the work and someone else rides the results. Taxi drafting, and sure, we all get a little fed up with it, especially when it's our money and those insane customs tolls for entering or leaving the country haven't gone down any. So sure, Mirna's a little frustrated. We all get frustrated. The complete loss of sanity which followed it, that's kind of unique to Mirna. And then I had to defend her. I had to stare up the BQs because my cousin was too busy trying to remember if she'd stuck her marbles in her purse along with all of the money. Did you notice she tried to give the driver the marbles? And the money? And let him keep the marbles? Back in the car, no more lead (but at least we've got some money again), and I have to do a confessional that supports her because she's in the car with me and if she gets upset, it's Hello, Mr. Cliff.

Let's not even start on the 'I pass, you pass' thing. Let's just don't.

I hope Drew left some medication in his car. Something with a sedative effect. It must have a sedative effect: look at the way he was racing. Time for a little game of cousin doping. It's either that or -- Danielle, is Dani doing anything right now? I'm used to racing with blondes: I'd just like to try a sane one for a change...



Send help.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Max Headroom on 02-26-07 at 06:48 PM
D and I understand the whole "taxi drafting" thing, but your cousin needs some serious congeniality lessons. Snarling at us, the taxi driver, you, every team that passed by, and random passers-by-- not good. Better get her some valium, and soon.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by zipperhead on 02-28-07 at 04:36 PM
First of all, you were damned lucky to get that first task completed. There was no way you could have seen over the table to read all of the letters. You must have promised those guys some under-the-table action to get them to prop their clues up so that you could read them.

Regarding the step stools: I am not used to needing such help. My mind was focused on getting the task done. And we certainly couldn't have done the big machinery task because a certain relative of mine would not have been able to see over the dashboard. Thanks, though, for eventually lifting me up on your ungainly shoulders. At least your low center of gravity is good for something.

You think I got upset about the taxi? Check the tape, babe. We were both pissed off at the taxi driver and the BQs. In fact, in the previews for this leg of the Race Phil said that you were the one who confronted the girls. Maybe the lack of fresh oxygen down there has affected your memory.

And did I pass people off and on while driving? Yes - because we're in a Race!

I'm getting real aggravated at your insults, Char. Do you hear me go around saying, "Hey, feel sorry for me because I have an emotionally distrubed half-person with me!"? No, I try to be supportive. I try extra hard. And all I get is dumped on.

Real nice.





bitch


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Estee on 02-28-07 at 07:09 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-28-07 AT 07:15 PM (EST)

Hello? I've seen you in these 'if you're not screaming with me, you're screaming at me' moods before. It's join in or get left at the side of the road: pick one. (Why do you think you became a lawyer in the first place? You got to scream in public and people paid you for it!) Look, I'm not exactly in love with the BQs and as a move, trying to get them to pay for part of the taxi fee was a good idea. It's just that the execution needed work. And the part where you gave him your purse, passport, and lip balm? Problem. You have to take a few deep breaths. You have to calm down. But most of all, you need to take this soothing green pill every six hours until I tell you to stop.

As for the Roadblock, I did what everyone did: copied off Joyce. It's not like she was using the letters for anything.

For the record: one of the backhoes was rigged up with custom controls just in case we went for that branch of the Detour. The real reason we didn't do it? Too much giggling over the word 'backhoe'.

I like passing people. Just ask Drew. But the hysterical fits when they pass us slow us down.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Sahara on 03-01-07 at 11:47 AM
Hey thar, Ah thought you was my FRIEND. Ah's the one that gave you that answer in that ther boardroom place. Ah lahk to have friends. And then you gals decide to PASS David 'n me, so that there friendship thing is over.


Ah don't lahk them little people no more.



"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by mikey on 02-26-07 at 10:42 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-26-07 AT 10:42 AM (EST)

>You didn't see what was edited
>out. That bastard driver wanted
>something more than money. And
>he wanted it from Charla!
>

Of course, all she needs are big ears and a flat head to rest your drink on....

>


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Estee on 02-26-07 at 10:59 AM
I'm sorry -- did you say something? I'm having trouble hearing you shout all the way from Sequesterville. By the way, do you also come equipped with backup lights?



"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by ARnutz on 02-26-07 at 10:06 AM
I have an eye for details. I really do! Except when there are too many details, like a bunch of letters and stuff.

I am amazed that I was able to ignore the fact that all the other racers were reading the names from those pictures on the wall for all that time!




"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by cahaya on 02-26-07 at 02:52 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-26-07 AT 03:24 PM (EST)

What was going on in the boardroom? Did Donald Trump show up in there or what?

Tied for last out of the boardroom, you'd make a good Apprentice!


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by ARnutz on 02-26-07 at 04:37 PM
Oh it was horrible! There were letters everywhere! On neck ties, pens, legal pads, cigarette lighters, cuffs of their sleeves, ... You name it, there were letters there! I think there were about 15!



There was a guy with some bad hair and at first I thought it was Donald, but his hair wasn't that bad!


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by jbug on 02-27-07 at 11:38 AM
Joyce, I really think you were distracting Ian the whole time in the boardroom. I know he is good with details; it must have been your cute new haircut that kept him mind off what he was supposed to be doing. I may have to talk with Uchenna about that.
But, I do thank you for spelling the clue out to him at the end. That was very nice of you and I will () remember it later in the race if/when you need help (~~looking aside, mumbling under breath~~~ yea, right with your million already!).


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by buckeyegirl on 02-27-07 at 05:03 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-27-07 AT 05:04 PM (EST)

Now, just because I used to be a detective or something, doesn't mean I'm thatgreat at solving clues..I was just concentrating on having a Marveloustime...


Hoorah! Ian's here!
edited because i forgot my Ian sig!


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by jbug on 02-28-07 at 10:01 AM
>Now, just because I used to be a detective or something, doesn't mean I'm thatgreat at solving clues..I was just concentrating on having a Marveloustime...
>


Hey Baby! Been wondering where you were! I'm soooooooo glad you're wearing that hat and NOT that goofy one that I tried my best to get you to leave at home on this race! You're looking pretty good hon!
(& don't forget about how we discussed no yelling and no hoorah this race, ok?)



"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by sporkman on 02-26-07 at 10:39 AM
Oh Wow! It's Amber of Rob-and-Amber fame. Did you know you're a really big television star back in my home country? Do you need a PEN to write down your clues? Here you can borrow my PEN. It has an H on it. H as in CHuquicamata.

Wow, Amber figured out a clue all by herself!


How did I do Mr Koeghan?


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Cyndimaus on 03-03-07 at 02:55 PM
Of course I figured it all out on my own! I'm not blond, you know! And I've learned a lot from Rob since we've been together.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by dragonflies on 02-26-07 at 12:37 PM
(valley girl voice) Oh My God Oswald, we are men! (end valley girl voice) Or were men in a previous life! See, I told you I could do something as manly as you did the last time we raced! Remember the train box car thingy you did! You felt so manly then! Well, now I feel positively masculine! I must go find my pink sparkle shirt.

I'm still in need of a nail file. Anyone? Do you think they will have a manicurist at the pitstop?



"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by jbug on 02-27-07 at 11:55 AM
You know Danny, I think the only thing I remember from watching your first race was the wimpy fast forward you got. Weren't you the one who all you had to do was jump in a swimming pool and take the FF off the little platform? Talk about a gimme!!! (& IF that wasn't you I do apologize, you have to remember that Ian and I are the oldest racers to have made it to the final leg in any season, sooooo.)


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by LibraRising on 02-26-07 at 01:53 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-26-07 AT 01:54 PM (EST)

Darn it! The out-of-shape bald guys are out of it.

I'll bet you guys didn't know this, but Rolly and I are waiting in the wings and have the right to take over for any team sidelined by injuries prior to Philimination.

Those cranks were our best chance. Hey, dwarfy? Want to play with an electric fence? Right now, our best shots are you guys, the old guy with the funny hat and those two old sodomites -- who, according to my bud Pat Robertson, are already years past that usual homo life expectancy of 40.

Ciao for now, all. Remember -- Jesus loves you! Not as much as he loves me of course, but, well, you know all that.



"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by dragonflies on 02-26-07 at 03:06 PM
Hey Libra! Linda! Your son is a dork.


nice to see you LR!


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by LibraRising on 02-26-07 at 03:52 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-26-07 AT 03:53 PM (EST)

(in her best Lady MacBeth voice) YOU! Have all the demons in hell returned to torment me?


OK, that line was from "Sweeney Todd," not MacBeth, but still. And thanks, DF! I was going to post as the Ghost of Joyce Past, but I can't seem to find that old sig pic. I do still have Julie Chen and Brandon from Survivor, however. And is this the longest tag ever, or what?


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by dragonflies on 02-26-07 at 04:10 PM
(singsong)We'll be comin round the mountain when we come!


Brandon, ah...Glad to see you, and hope to see Libra more and Linda less!


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by cahaya on 02-26-07 at 10:37 PM
Oh, there you are, making fun of everyone again! Now come on inside, it's dinnertime.


Weaving by the Weavers.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 02-26-07 at 04:23 PM
Ahem.


We're easier to deal with than Lynn and Alex.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by LibraRising on 02-26-07 at 04:29 PM
Joyce...
Joyce...
This is your old self calling...
Repeat after me...
I am not Samson...
I am not Samson...
When I lost my hair, I did not lose my strength...
I will not suck at easy roadblocks anymore...
I will not suck at easy roadblocks anymore...


Woo hoo! Thanks, Cygnus!


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by ARnutz on 02-26-07 at 04:34 PM
Oh no. I'm hearing those voices again. Eeep.




"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by cahaya on 02-26-07 at 10:31 PM
Me too. I tellya, Joyce, I'm glad the Weavers aren't in this race!

Woo, Lordy.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by sporkman on 02-26-07 at 05:01 PM
What's wrong Phil? I wasn't hot and sweaty enough for you? Maybe next time Joe and I will both hug you at the same time.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Max Headroom on 02-26-07 at 06:45 PM
He just likes my hugs better.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Sahara on 03-01-07 at 11:51 AM
Ah'll hug ya both. Ah lahk them thar ho-mo-sex-u-als.



"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by CwazyWabbit on 02-26-07 at 05:33 PM
*bats eyelashes* *twirls hair* *jiggles a little alot*

So now that I have out Ambered Amber in the world of contributing nothing to a team, I shall now take on Monica.

*jiggles some more*


I'm thinking of doing Kendra next. I'd do Flo, but Eric threatened to withhold his coattails if I quit. This girl can't live without coattails.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by indy42 on 02-26-07 at 07:03 PM
My knee's busted... My back hurts.... I can't breathe....


Oh, yeah.... SPEEDING!!!!!


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by sporkman on 02-28-07 at 02:02 PM
Welcome to the Valley of the Moon. From this point until the finish line back in the United States, the speed limit is 40 KPH. If you exceed that speed, you will receive an extreme tongue-lashing from the Philiminator.
Have a nice day and remember drive no faster then 40 KPH.


One less team to take camera time away from our beloved Romber!


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by beau_30 on 02-27-07 at 08:41 AM
Yea Jiggles. Wait I need to focus more.

Hey Rob thanks for stirring up the pot. I did not but in front of anybody. I wasn't even the line thank you. Remeber you were at the airport before us. SO we just showed up and the gate opened.

At least that flight got you delayed, but hey, just wait your not going to win this.

Honey, I have some new tricks for you. Phils Golf Equipment showed me some new techniques.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by jbug on 02-27-07 at 12:04 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-27-07 AT 12:04 PM (EST)

Sure, Jeffy, all you think is "we did stuff" but we are still in this thing, AGAIN!! Get used to us being around!

Sure, it was a little bit of a bummer going from 3rd in the 1st leg to 7th in this one, but it is really only the last one that counts, so SEE YOU THERE!

I really don't know what happened to you, Ian. You've got to get it together! I allowed you to take what will probably be the EASIEST roadblock of the race and what do you do? You stand around oogleling Joyce! So she's pretty! I didn't spend half our last winnings on this botox for nothing! LOOK AT ME!!!! There, that's better.



"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Seana on 02-27-07 at 07:50 PM
Ahem. *points @ name*


Phil. P-h-i-l. Phil.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by jbug on 02-28-07 at 09:56 AM
>Ahem. *points @ name*
>

ROFLOL!!!
You know, it's when you went to Society Islands to play with Alex that has now got me all confused (That's my story & I'm sticking to it! LOL)

Sorry PHIL!!!!



"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by Seana on 02-28-07 at 11:33 AM
*smooches* jbug


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by BriarRosie on 02-27-07 at 01:42 PM
Alright, alright.

Here's the deal. You screw me over, I screw YOU over.
Especially Dave and Mary.

--- the lug nuts

Lori


"Mury's Tha Be All 'n' End All"
Posted by warp_core breach on 02-27-07 at 05:59 PM
Yeah, ah didn hahve much tah say this leg, what with Mury all upset an all with tha new halfs of tha tew-pack. Now ah told her that them thur nuts hadda bin on straight, but she didn wanna listen tah me. But she shore is a smart thing. Figgered owt that thur picture puzzle PDQ. Gowin raht made some sense ta me to - it had tha most wurds. 'Sides thur was no one ta follow when we turned.



"RE: Mury's Tha Be All 'n' End All"
Posted by jbug on 02-28-07 at 10:36 AM
David, You are such a sweet boy, but I am struggling to understand anything you say! Does anyone teach "Kentuck" as a language?




"RE: Mury's Tha Be All 'n' End All"
Posted by warp_core breach on 02-28-07 at 12:24 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-28-07 AT 12:27 PM (EST)

Awww shucks, Turi, y'ar so nice. Mebe yew 'n' Ian kin joins me and Mury's pack. Seems Murna 'n' Schmurna ain't as nice as we thunk 'em ta be.

Whats wrung with tha way ah tawk?



"RE: Mury's Tha Be All 'n' End All"
Posted by Tahj on 02-28-07 at 12:21 PM
Speak English, boy! And tell Mary to get over herself. All Charla and Mirna did was pass them. They are capable of much worse.



"RE: Mury's Tha Be All 'n' End All"
Posted by warp_core breach on 02-28-07 at 12:30 PM
Whats wrung with tha way ah tawk?

Mury! Were's my Mury? Mury, werein tarnation are yew? Tha ho-mo-sex-als 'ssistant's beatin' up on me!



"RE: Mury's Tha Be All 'n' End All"
Posted by Sahara on 03-01-07 at 12:01 PM
*whaps assistant with her backpack*

You be nice to mah boy, or ah'll have to tell Phil, an' he's mah special friend, ya know.


Ah am so sick of people not bein' NAHCE!!!



"RE: Mury's Tha Be All 'n' End All"
Posted by Sahara on 03-01-07 at 11:57 AM
Ah luvs you too, mah big boy. Ah's sorry 'bout that wrong turn thar...don't "This here is the goodest way to go" have more words than "You is wrong"?



"RE: Mury's Tha Be All 'n' End All"
Posted by Sahara on 03-01-07 at 12:06 PM
Ah...Ah mean we...don't need to ride no one's coattails. But ah lahk to be friends. All ah've done in these here races is help peoples so ah kin be friends with them thar reality tv stars. An' then they don't help me back (except those cute Cho brothers). Ah ain't helpin' anybody else.


Until ah wants a new friend, that is.




"So, Mirna . . ."
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 02-28-07 at 03:27 PM
What on earth possessed you to stand on top of Charla? Was she your stepstool?


And can I get away with doing that to Chenbot?


"RE: So, Mirna . . ."
Posted by zipperhead on 02-28-07 at 04:12 PM
There was no way I was going to let that giant lump of crap get up on my shoulders.

She gets really sweaty and she had an odor issue.



"RE: So, Mirna . . ."
Posted by Estee on 02-28-07 at 07:13 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-28-07 AT 07:13 PM (EST)

Translated from the Mirna-o: 'I'm not that strong and I'm still upset about the taxi thing'.

I told her not to attend Chip's negotiation seminar before we left.



We'll make up later, after the pre-Romber tension passes.


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by krisjonfanbg on 02-28-07 at 06:48 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-28-07 AT 07:12 PM (EST)


Kill me!Kill me!Please!Kill me!IN THE MOST PAINFUL POSSIBLE WAY!Mercy!I am a human been not just a driver.
OR
Deal with your self before you get in!I'm not DrPhil.
Mirna and Charla.Amigos.God help me.I don't live near you!
It would be easier for me to chew sand than something i'd bought with those dollars!
You don't eat tomorrow?One soul saved!


"RE: Be the All-sTAR 11.2"
Posted by krisjonfanbg on 02-28-07 at 07:09 PM

Wellcome to Sequesterville Kevin and Drew!Take you sits.Or bed,Drew?Nurse?Pills?
You wont to go?Whatever?Why don't you use this oppoptunity to get in shape?We already good at reading maps and clues.Almost.