Dear Blowsvivor LLC Incorporated;
We still have not received any payment for the housing, feeding, and care of the castoffs from your television series, "Blowsvivor" since out intial contract was made.
The original contract was signed by a Mr. Shakes T. Clown. Upon many attempts to obtain payment from Mr. Clown, we received your letter of June 22, 2001 stating that Mr. Clown was no loner with the corporation and management had been assumed by Mr. Ayatollah Probe and Survivorblows (owned by a Mr. Webby D. Webmaster) incorporated acting on behalf of Blowsvivor.

The agreement stated that we would receive $10,00 per week for each castoffs stay. For the 9 week period to date with a new castoff progressively added eachweek, the total bill is now at $450,000 (figure it out yourself if you don't believe me).
Not only have we recieved no payment, but the castoffs have proven to be an unruly, whiney, filthy, drunke, sex crazed, smart aleck, bitter group of troublemakes and our monkey butlers are quite tired of serving them. Also, they constantly sexually harrass the butlers grabbing thoer little red-hineys at every given opportunity.

We have exhausted all previous methods to obtain payment from your corporation and until your account is settled, the castoffs will NOT be allowed to leave the island. They are presently being held in a secluded part of the island watched by armed-monkey gaurds.

I'm sure you would like to avoid legal proceedings, so please take this final opportunity to remit payment immediately.

If we do not hear from you by Monday, August 13, 2001, we will turn over the matter to our attorney, who will be filing charges of fraud against Mr. Ayatollah Probe, Survivor Blows Inc, Blowsvivor LLC Inc, Mr. Webby D. Webmaster, and the originator of the first contract, Mr. Shakes T. Clown.

We look forward to your remittance of payment before legal action needs to be taken.

Best regards,
Monkeyboy

• RE: Payment Due in Full: FINAL NOTICE,LadyT, 07:30 PM, 08-06-01
• RE: Payment Due in Full: FINAL NOTICE,George Tirebiter, 08:02 PM, 08-06-01
  • RE: Payment Due in Full: FINAL NOTICE,Monkeyboy, 08:13 PM, 08-06-01
    • RE: Payment Due in Full: FINAL NOTICE,George Tirebiter, 08:42 PM, 08-06-01
    • RE: Payment Due in Full: FINAL NOTICE,LadyT, 09:20 PM, 08-06-01
    • RE: Payment Due in Full: FINAL NOTICE,SherpaDave, 00:40 AM, 08-07-01
• Legal Reply,AyatollahKhomeini, 09:35 PM, 08-06-01
  • RE: Legal Reply,Outfrontgirl, 10:37 PM, 08-06-01
    • RE: Legal Reply,George Tirebiter, 11:22 PM, 08-06-01
  • RE: Legal Reply,Riordan, 00:16 AM, 08-07-01
  • Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,Monkeyboy, 11:03 PM, 08-14-01
    • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,George Tirebiter, 11:06 PM, 08-14-01
    • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,Outfrontgirl, 00:25 AM, 08-15-01
    • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,dabo, 00:50 AM, 08-15-01
      • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,Outfrontgirl, 01:03 AM, 08-15-01
        • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,dabo, 01:25 AM, 08-15-01
          • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,Outfrontgirl, 01:47 AM, 08-15-01
            • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,dabo, 02:30 AM, 08-15-01
              • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,Monkeyboy, 08:44 PM, 08-16-01
                • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,Outfrontgirl, 08:56 PM, 08-16-01
                • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,George Tirebiter, 10:47 PM, 08-16-01
                • RE: Thanks for your timely payment! Best regards!,dabo, 01:30 AM, 08-17-01
• RE: Payment Due in Full: FINAL NOTICE,Drive My Car, 00:27 AM, 08-07-01
  • RE: Payment Due in Full: FINAL NOTICE,George Tirebiter, 06:37 PM, 08-07-01
• RE: Payment Due in Full: FINAL NOTICE,VampKira, 11:27 AM, 08-07-01
• RE: Payment Due in Full: FINAL NOTICE,Kismet, 12:40 PM, 08-07-01

LMAO
BTW payment from me to you for services rendered is in the mail.

--------------------------------------
I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve, and I believe in long, slow,deep, soft, wet kisses that last for three days. Goodnight.

LMAO@apeface and his lawsuit-happy little red hiney!

Does this mean the rest of us are no longer welcome? Not even your FAVORITES? I've been missing my little monkey bulters ever since that dreaded "T" person aimed the IRS your way and closed the first MB Island. . . and you were such an excellent host!

GT

LAST EDITED ON 08-06-01 AT 08:14 PM (EST)

Hey Lady_T and Georgie,
Are you talkin' TO ME? You talkin' TO ME...cause I don't see anybody else here.
Do you think I'm funny? Do I make you laugh? How am I funny? Am I a clown here to amuse you? What's so freakin' funny? Huh?

I want my $450,000 and I want it NOW!
Don't even think this is funny! This is going to get ugly if we don't settle this in a hurry!

*puts on his brass knuckles and bullet proof vest*

Yes, I'm talking to you, dear. But your beef isn't WITH us! I'm just an innocent pawn in this game, too! Do you realize that I never applied? Nope--The Clown arbitrarily stuck me in the midst of this lunacy! I'm just trying to be a good sport and go with the flow.

*offers the munky a Cert* (or maybe you'd like some gufu?)

GT
(who wonders what the brown gufu would do to an already-crazed monkey. . .)

I am talking to you!!!!!
And if you think you are getting your Monkey paws on my hard earned cash, well, babe, you got another thing comin!
BTW, where is MY money for publicizing your island. Its now going to be the hottest vacation area in the world. So how about MY MONEY!!!!!

--------------------------------------
I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve, and I believe in long, slow,deep, soft, wet kisses that last for three days. Goodnight.

Somebody better pay the Monkey. I hear he's got a Princess to take care of, and we all know how expensive her tastes can be.

Yeah, I'm a DAW. Is that a problem?

LAST EDITED ON 08-06-01 AT 09:37 PM (EST)

Mr. Monkeyboy
c/o Monkeyboy Resort
Monkeyboy Island
USA

Dear Mr. Boy,

We are in receipt of your letter dated August 6, 2001 purporting to demand the payment of $450,000 from Blowsvivor Entertainment Group LLC (hereinafter referred to as "BEG") and Mr. Ayatollah Probe. After examining the agreement, it is our recommendation to BEG and to Mr. Probe that they should not make payment at this time and should instead pursue their strong breach of contract claim against the Monkeyboy Resort and against yourself.

The agreement between Monkeyboy Resort and BEG has been breached by your company in eight areas. For purposes of this letter, we shall only discuss two of these breaches.

1) The agreement between your company and BEG clearly specifies that the BlowsVivor participants housed at Monkeyboy Resort should receive "deluxe" accomodations, at a level of care "equivalent to that of other deluxe resorts located on the California coast." To clarify the meaning of deluxe accomodations, the agreement states that the accomodations shall be comparable to those offered by the Pebble Beach Resort and Golf Club in Carmel, California, and at a minimum must not be inferior to those offered by the Ritz Carlton Laguna Niguel in Dana Point, California. It is our opinion, considering all of the evidence, that the accomodations at the Monkeyboy Resort do not reach this level of elegance and luxury. Instead, the overwhelming evidence is that the "monkeybutlers", as you call them, frequently engage in mischief of all sorts at the expense of the guests of Monkeyboy Resort.

Although we are aware of your protestations that it was an isolated incident, we think that the feces-throwing directed at Mr. Probe and the BlowsVivors participants during his last visit to the island offers solid evidence that the resort simply is not able to live up to this commitment. We also are aware of your statement that the mischief is only directed at the male guests. Nevertheless, the contract between your resort and BEG does not differentiate between male and female guests, but you have admitted that you do differentiate -- a clear admission of breach.

2) The contract also specified that "<a>dequate security shall be maintained by Monkeyboy Resort to prevent the participants housed on the island from leaving it during the duration of filming." Nevertheless, one of the participants was able to leave the island and return to the mainland, with a goal of producing mayhem on the set of the BlowsVivor production itself. The activities of this participant, known to BEG as "desert_rhino", caused great damage to the set of BlowsVivor as well as a diminishing of interest among some of the public viewing the show. This action was possible only because of your company's breach of the security provisions of this contract.

Additionally, we have been informed that two other participants from BlowsVivor have been leaving the island for purposes of furthering the singing career of one of them. We cannot emphasize enough to your company the importance to BEG of preventing the BlowsVivor participants from other media-whore activities prior to the completion of the BlowsVivor project. The contract itself states that "Monkeyboy Resort acknowledges that security and secrecy are of primary importance to BEG" and that "Monkeyboy Island shall not, through intentional act, negligence, or omission, permit the security of BlowsVivor to be compromised." It was solely to prevent such actions that the glowing green rock ("kryptonite") was provided to your resort by BEG, despite the great cost incurred by BEG to locate a sample of this size and density (and the potential consequences of dealing with famous gem broker Mr. Lex Luthor).

We acknowledge that Monkeyboy Resort has incurred expenses in taking care of the BlowsVivor participants for which it deserves some compensation. However, the continuing breaches of the contract by Monkeyboy Resort ultimately forced BEG to find alternate housing for the so-called "jury members" of BlowsVivor.

BEG has no interest in documenting all of the breaches of contract committed by Monkeyboy Resort. However, if you continue with your threatened legal action against BEG, it will be forced to defend itself both in court and in the court of public opinion with all the resources that it can muster. Such a public battle would not be in the best interests of either party to the contract.

BEG has authorized me to attempt to reach a compromise result, prior to the commencement of litigation, that is fair to both parties. My authority to negotiate on behalf of BEG terminates upon either the filing of a lawsuit against BEG or the issuance of a press release critical of BEG by Monkeyboy Resort, Mr. Monkeyboy, or any affiliated or related parties thereof. If you are interested in resolving this matter without litigation or a public-relations battle, please respond to this letter with a proposal that would settle all claims of each party against the other. I await your response.

Very truly yours,

Q.T. Pye
Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe LLP
for
BlowsVivor Entertainment Group LLC
and
Mr. Ayatollah Probe

LAST EDITED ON 08-07-01 AT 00:42 AM (EST)

ROFLMAO!

Q.T., that was masterful. Just imagine how jury members will respond to the "feces-throwing" Exhibits when you rub their noses (so to speak) in the bad faith behavior of mr. monkeyboy's employees...

Kryptonite, singing career, whine-o, level of care, how you do rise to the occasion!

I now comprehend why I was ordered to document BEG's change of venue for housing all castoffs from Episode 8 on.

I would like to forward the enclosed communication for your attention.

Yours,
Outfrontgirl

Dear Mr. Q.T. Pye:

Thank you for copying us your August 6, 2001 correspondence with Mr. Monkeyboy with respect to his claims, your counterclaims, and your wish for a reasonable settlement of the matter.

As you are aware, my clients believe they have suffered substantial damages from the carelessness of Mr. Monkeyboy.
It is my understanding that Mr. Monkeyboy entered into an agreement with BEG to guide and chaperone the Episode 9 Reward recipients, Mr. sleeeve and Ms. Dangerkitty, for the valuable consideration of the free publicity Mr. Monkeyboy would receive for his attempts to launch his career as a tourguide (as supplement to his resort activities).

You will have noted that Mr. Monkeyboy, in breach of that separate agreement, attempted to feed said contestants inferior grade fare (grubs and bruised bananas), and subsequently deserted the contest winners, causing them to become disoriented, lost, and generally "mis-guided" as a result of his neglect.

As a result of Mr. Monkeyboy's negligent performance of his guide duties, Mr. Dangerkitty suffered public humiliation (not to mention loss of consortium). Mr. sleeeve suffered a loss of innocence from which he may well never recover.

Mr. Dangerkitty has rejected the idea of a lawsuit against Mr. sleeeve, who apparently has very shallow pockets, and instead has joined with Mr. sleeeve in an attempt to recover from Mr. Monkeyboy.

You may anticipate that we will contact you in the near future, in order to ascertain whether Mr. Probe and BEG have an interest in joining as co-plaintiffs in Mr. DK's contemplated suit against Mr. Mboy. Said suit will allege negligent and intentional infliction of emotional distress and other causes of action, including fraud, in that:

Mr. Monkeyboy promised my clients his utmost care and attention, knowing that they would rely on his promise to chaperone them, knowing full well that he was misrepresenting his attention span (its deficit speaks for itself). Ms. Dangerkitty and Mr. Sleeeve did rely on Mr. Monkeyboy's promises and suffered severe detriment when he knowingly placed them in a seductive jungle environment and plied them with alcohol, after which he abandoned them to their own better judgment, absolutely foreseeable though it was that they were judgment impaired and that they relied on his care to hold their instinctual natures in check.

We will, needless to say, seek maximum punitive damages.

Respectfully,

Arnt Uke Lever, Esq.
Bliedum, Drye, & Densome, LLP

for
Mr. and Ms. Dangerkitty
and
Mr. Wassupmi Sleeeve

Edited cause the shyster can't afford a secretary

I am SOOOOOO LMAO!!!!

Monkeyboy--I'm afraid your continued threats to file suit against BV are not going so well--you apparently forgot that this place is chock-full of asshole lawyer-types!

My advice? Settle now--and insist on some glitzy ads for MB Island in the remaining episodes. I think if you play nice, AyaProbe will even see that they cough up something toward covering your expenses thus far.

I think you're evolved enough to see their defense has been well planned-for--and your breach of contract is too well-documented--for you to waste any more time in this manner. . . and it was probably the ultimate faux pas for you to brandish brass knuckles and bandy threats! Quit while you're still (sort of) ahead, Apey--or I fear you'll wind up without a pot to. . . um. . . hurl your feces into!

GT

Q.T. Pye

See now, I think AyaK is the cutie pie.

Dear Mr. Ayatollah Probe,
We are in receipt of your your payment for $600,000, for the
past due bill of $450,000 plus $150,000 for the future care of your current and impending castoffs.
The check was signed by a Mr. Shakes Burnit (as reported by a Mr. Dabo in Episode 10) on behalf of Blowsvivor LLC Inc., and I want to thank you for your timely payment.

Might I personally apologize for any inappropriate behavior by the monkey butlers up to this point. I have spoken with my crew and can give you the utmost assurance that no further problems will be encountered with feces flinging or any other racey humour from the monkey butlers.

Your present castoffs are being catered to in a luxuriant, fawning manner with banana daquiris, cajun fried lobster, and hammocks on the beach with the castoffs being treated like royalty by the monkey butlers.

I'm sorry for any past misunderstandings and can assure you it won't happen again since we received your payment.
We look forward to further business from your corporation and your castoffs and please let me know if there is anything we can do to make their stay on our island the utmost in pleasure.
Thanks again for the timely settlement to the previous billing problem!

Best regards,
Mr. Monkey Boy

Awwww. . . isn't this sweet?

I love a happy ending!!

GT

Monkeyboy, you are awesome--funny, sweet, a gracious winner who keeps his contract and then some...
If only more litigants were as reasonable as you!

Sounds like a damn good lifestyle you're providing there. Sure beats rice and LA river water and a lean-to made of sticks!

*So happy everyone has made up now thanks to Mr. dabo*

As I recall, the additional $150,000 was to cover the expenses etc. re. the monkeybutler animators, let's hope there isn't any confusion over this at a later date. Keep up the excellent work.

"If the race of man should be left naked upon a desert island, we should become extinct in six weeks. A few individuals might linger, but in a year would become worse than monkeys." (Samuel Butler, "Erewhon")

You know, Mr. dabo, you never did answer my question, so I'm just gonna lob it back at ya--

Monkeybutler animators: A VERY AMBIGUOUS phrase

Monkeybutlers who are skilled animators?

or

Human animators who create monkeybutler special effects

I wanna know! Which is it?

Welll, it's up to the monkeybutler animators whether the monkeybutlers are animated or not, but honestly if you were they wouldn't you rather be a monkeybutler than yourself? The answer is the monkeybutler animators do all the animation in the series, whatever that may be. You can think what you like, I can think what I like, it's supposed to be ambiguous that way.

"If the race of man should be left naked upon a desert island, we should become extinct in six weeks. A few individuals might linger, but in a year would become worse than smeaks." (Samuel Butler, "Erewhon")

LMAO--a politician-worthy clarification!

Actually, no, I don't want to be an animated monkeybutler; I want to be a torpid monkeybutleress, and if I don't get to lie in a hammock and drink pina coladas then I quit!

>>A few individuals might linger, but in a year would become worse than smeaks.

smeaky, very smeaky dabo...

LAST EDITED ON 08-15-01 AT 02:33 AM (EST)

lol. Okay then, the monkeybutler animators are monkeybutlers who are animating the series, typing blissfully away at their keyboards, unless you don't like that scene in which case they are animators animating themselves as monkeybutlers typing blissfully away at their keyboards.

"If the race of man should be left naked upon a desert island, we should become extinct in six weeks. A few individuals might linger, but in a year would become worse than thresdsnatchers." (Samuel Butler, "Erewhon")

edited to add: WooHoo! my 600th post, I am so wicca now!

Dabo,
It was my understanding the additional $150,000 from Mr. Shakes Burnit was for the care of the castoffs for the remainder of the show.

As for the monkeybutlers being animators.....those dumb bastiges can't even make a good martini. They're so primitive that they're response to any type of debate is to throw feces. It takes 8 of them to screw in a lightbulb....one to hold the lightbulb and 7 of them to spin the other monkey. I told them to wash their genatalia one day...next thing I knew they were in the laundry scrubbing their jeans. When I tell them to take out the garbage...they still think I'm setting them up on dates.
Trust me Dabo...those stoopid little buggers couldn't even put their little butler uniform on if I didn't put a connect the dots diagram on the inside of it.

But...they sure are good workers. They don't even care if they get Christmas off.

LAST EDITED ON 08-16-01 AT 09:02 PM (EST)

ROFLMAO at your light bulb joke and the trash-dating and the debate response (primitive, hmmm well politicians have stuck with feces-throwing and they seem to think tried and true works for them). Anyway, the whole post is cracking me up, monkeyboy. Thanks!
*Hopes they can blend a good pina colade with fresh coconut*

Edited to add stoopid close )

Ohhhh, I love our munky! So quick to observe the social amenities, so polite, so damned funny!

But these jokes at your butlers' expense. . . seems kind of out of place, doesn't it? I thought MB Island was one of those shining examples of Bhakti Yoga--selfless doing for others!--not just mindless feebs obeying instructions from a more evolved fellow. . .

Speaking of which--since when is Christmas observed as a Hindu holiday? or did you give all that up?

*smooches her apeface*

GT
(who ducks quickly--just in case)

LAST EDITED ON 08-17-01 AT 01:33 AM (EST)

Mr. Monkeyboy,

While all that you say about the personal habits and so on re. the monkeybutlers in your employ is woefully true, it seems there has been yet another break down in communications from the production site, so I will herein explain.

One day, it seems, some of the monkeybutlers on loan at the production site happened to find their way into the computer facility established for the production crew, they then set about amusing themselves with the aforementioned computers, and it turned out that in spite of their ineptitude in all other regards re. formulized activity they do have an inexplicible knack in the realm of computer generated animation.

Whereas an unattended need for such talents had not previously been addressed, I and others then took it upon ourselves to employ those monkeybutler animators in that capacity on the production of the series. We were unfortunately unable to reach you at that time, but with the assistance of a Mr. Anthony Randall I was able to locate a copy of the contract by which those monkeybutlers were on loan to the production site, and so we determined by the clause regarding "other services and compensations" that, by the value of the work being produced (not the value of the workers doing it, certainly) an additional $150,000 should be paid to you, this being to cover the animation required for the entire series.

Naturally, you should have your legal department investigate the matter, but I think under the circumstances that said payment should be regarded as more than sufficient.

I would enquire, out of my own personal curiosity only, how well the commercial shooting is proceeding at your facility at this time? Miss Tabitha Stevens, the advertising agent I met with, assured me that the additional revenues to you, and to the castoff members of the television production, would be quite handsome. I certainly hope this is the case.

Sincerely,
Mr. Dabo

"If the race of man should be left naked upon a desert island, we should become extinct in six weeks. A few individuals might linger, but in a year would become worse than pet rocks." (Samuel Butler, "Erewhon")

Wow Monkey!
Looks like you got a heap of trouble on your hands.
I know this lawyer, he is not always ethical but I hear he is good, his name is Shakes the Clown. Oh Wait!! You are suing him too!! Wow baby, you are screwed.

Was it me, or did Rio just call AK a cutie pie?

>I know this lawyer, he is not always ethical but I hear he is good, his name is Shakes the Clown.
I know we've been over this territory before, but shakes has never claimed to be anything but a BAD lawyer. . .

Let this be a warning to the parents out there--if you strongarm your kid into following the family business, they will most likely never excel at it. . . they're liable to become frustrated media whores and serial killers, and I think we have a prime example of what such angst does to such a person's psyche. Not pretty.

GT

ROTF@ ALL of you!!

And HEY!! I pity the fool who tries to keep this bat from becoming one of MJ's backup's!!!! *evil grin*

"Dangerous... The girl is so Dangerous. Take away my money, throw away my time, you can call me honey, but your'e no.. damn... good for me." -MJ
Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska

ROFL! You funny frickin people! I only have one question. Ummm didn't Misto have a hand in that contract as well?

Kismet

"Do you ever get down on your knee's and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?"