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Original Message
"Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"

Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-30-06 at 11:55 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-01-06 AT 10:09 AM (EST)

Let's see now. Glad to dispense with Povich. I know . . . I'll send him to tour with R. Kelly.

Chances of getting Tyra as an LC: almost zilch. But, it never hurts to ask. She may need a third show.

Antonia is off helping Niambi and Christie run the Bahstan Marathon. The fact that it was run three weeks ago isn't deterring them much; I guess they're getting a head start for next year, which is about the time they'll finish. Look out for that heavy traffic through Natick, ok?

(BTW, Rhonda, we'll get back to the pool soon enough. These Real World auditions late nights at the office have been the pits. I do want to see you in your running outfit, though. You do Gore-Tex justice. And nice sports bra, BTW.)

At freaking last, Cassie is going to meet her son. Could be the greatest thing in family programming since Tiny Tim's wedding.

I so need DAWs like Sommer. She'll do anything for face time. We just want to scare away the last few viewers we have show that no HG is hopeless. (Well, almost no HG.)

Jodi, one of the producers found your purse. It weighs 11 pounds.

And, um, Stan . . . what the hey has gotten into you lately?


And how did the Garden Buddha get out of the pool? Must have transcended.

ADMINISTRIVIA:

Give yourselves a hand! Last week was the
Funniest. Week. Evah!!!
Let's keep up the good snark!

You need not just follow my lead here. You can take this in any show-related direction you wish.

Remember to use your sigs, or at least sign off as your characters.

If you want to join in as a RECURRING character, please sign up in the new signup thread before posting. That's where you'll find your sigs also (although, if you're replacing someone, it may be in the old signup thread).

Remember, if you're unable to post as your character for a time, just send me a note to that effect. Otherwise, I can only assume you're uninterested, which isn't fair to someone who might want to play.

Currently claimed roles are: Jon Murray, Dr. Stan, Iyanla, Rhonda, Andy (and her mom, and her left brow), Antonia (but she's unavailable this week), Jodi, Kelly, Lisa2, Niambi, Christina, Poetri, Dr. VantToLookJung, the Garden Buddha, the Rose Bush, the Front Door, Bead Store Owner, "Mr. Situation," and the Camera Man. New characters, or resurrected old ones, welcome! Not to mention assorted visitors, of whom we had a great many last week!

In abeyance: "Mr. Internet."

Available: Kim. First one in the signup thread gets her.

Do NOT post as a character that's been claimed. Thanks.

You can post as ad hoc, one-time characters WITHOUT signing up. If you intend to reuse your character, please do sign up . . . thanks!

And HAVE FUN!

Non-players: THIS IS NOT A DISCUSSION THREAD. Discussion-type posts may be removed. BUT . . . You may address or ask questions of the role-players as their characters.

E-mail or PM me with any problems.

Based on various other "Be The . . ." games, created by (all hail) Angelfood.


Table of contents
  • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,pinksparkleguitar, 11:49 AM, 05-01-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,mbinkc, 04:08 PM, 05-01-06
      • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,kircon, 11:14 AM, 05-02-06
      • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,Cygnus X1, 00:26 AM, 05-03-06
    • The Brow Mystery,Sahara, 04:53 PM, 05-01-06
      • RE: The Brow Mystery,Sahara, 04:59 PM, 05-01-06
        • RE: The Brow Mystery,pinksparkleguitar, 05:09 PM, 05-01-06
          • RE: The Brow Mystery,JavaT, 09:30 PM, 05-01-06
            • RE: The Brow Mystery,pinksparkleguitar, 10:43 PM, 05-01-06
        • RE: The Brow Mystery,JavaT, 07:57 AM, 05-02-06
  • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,Sahara, 05:10 PM, 05-01-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,Anne18, 07:52 PM, 05-01-06
      • For those of you,Cygnus X1, 00:54 AM, 05-02-06
  • My Emmy,Sahara, 05:19 PM, 05-01-06
    • RE: My Emmy,Sahara, 05:36 PM, 05-01-06
      • RE: My Emmy,Cygnus X1, 00:22 AM, 05-03-06
      • RE: My Emmy,trikelady, 00:34 AM, 05-03-06
  • TYRA!!!!!!,Sahara, 05:31 PM, 05-01-06
    • RE: TYRA!!!!!!,JavaT, 08:19 PM, 05-01-06
      • RE: TYRA!!!!!!,SeasonedRefinement, 00:05 AM, 05-02-06
        • Oh, no she don't.,Cygnus X1, 00:25 AM, 05-02-06
          • RE: Oh, no she don't.,kircon, 11:05 AM, 05-02-06
          • RE: Oh, no she don't.,JavaT, 02:06 PM, 05-02-06
            • RE: Oh, no she don't.,Cygnus X1, 00:17 AM, 05-03-06
        • RE: TYRA!!!!!!,JavaT, 07:39 AM, 05-02-06
          • RE: TYRA!!!!!!,SeasonedRefinement, 00:06 AM, 05-03-06
            • Niambi's Long Scripted Calling Out,kircon, 04:12 AM, 05-05-06
              • RE: Niambi's Long Scripted Calling Out,sharnina, 04:21 AM, 05-05-06
                • RE: Niambi's Long Scripted Calling Out,kircon, 11:49 PM, 05-05-06
                • RE: Niambi's Long Scripted Calling Out,kircon, 03:05 AM, 05-06-06
      • RE: TYRA!!!!!!,BlowingOver, 04:19 PM, 05-02-06
        • RE: TYRA!!!!!!,Anne18, 06:44 PM, 05-02-06
        • RE: TYRA!!!!!!,JavaT, 11:08 PM, 05-02-06
        • RE: TYRA!!!!!!,JavaT, 11:19 PM, 05-02-06
          • Goodbye, Cruel World,BlowingOver, 04:02 PM, 05-03-06
            • RE: Goodbye, Cruel World,Cygnus X1, 08:19 AM, 05-04-06
    • RE: TYRA!!!!!!,JACKBAUERSCHIC, 08:08 PM, 05-02-06
  • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,sharnina, 03:30 AM, 05-02-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,kircon, 10:52 AM, 05-02-06
      • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,sharnina, 00:07 AM, 05-04-06
        • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,kircon, 03:52 AM, 05-06-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,trikelady, 00:54 AM, 05-03-06
      • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,sharnina, 02:58 AM, 05-04-06
  • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,JavaT, 08:16 AM, 05-02-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,beautyboyknockout, 01:55 PM, 05-02-06
      • OOC: beautyboyknockout ,Cygnus X1, 01:14 AM, 05-03-06
      • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,kircon, 04:25 AM, 05-05-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,Cygnus X1, 00:36 AM, 05-03-06
  • Antonia,Anne18, 03:27 PM, 05-02-06
  • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,JACKBAUERSCHIC, 08:17 PM, 05-02-06
  • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,BlowingOver, 04:23 PM, 05-03-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,JavaT, 08:10 PM, 05-03-06
      • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,JavaT, 08:50 PM, 05-03-06
        • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,pinksparkleguitar, 02:14 PM, 05-04-06
      • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,BlowingOver, 03:51 PM, 05-04-06
        • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,JavaT, 09:54 PM, 05-04-06
          • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,BlowingOver, 03:30 PM, 05-08-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,Lanna42, 08:11 PM, 05-03-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,pinksparkleguitar, 02:18 PM, 05-04-06
      • Niambi Gets MAD!!!,kircon, 04:04 PM, 05-06-06
  • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,sharnina, 00:13 AM, 05-04-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,JavaT, 05:43 AM, 05-04-06
      • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,sharnina, 12:23 PM, 05-04-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,kircon, 04:08 PM, 05-06-06
  • Jodi's dance,Cygnus X1, 08:54 AM, 05-04-06
  • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,Anne18, 01:02 PM, 05-04-06
    • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,catmama, 11:05 PM, 05-04-06
      • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,Lanna42, 07:24 AM, 05-05-06
        • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,JavaT, 09:04 PM, 05-05-06
          • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,Lanna42, 06:49 AM, 05-06-06
      • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,kircon, 05:09 PM, 05-06-06
        • RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13,catmama, 05:04 AM, 05-08-06

Messages in this discussion
"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by pinksparkleguitar on 05-01-06 at 11:49 AM
Ahhhh . . . Johnny Boy. Buddha the great never reaveals his sources, but let's just say some of the camera people think I'm quite valuable, they love the filler shots they get with me.

THe great wise and honorable Buddha would be the happiest diety ever if you got Tyra to come and life coach. And um . . . . all of her fine ladies from ANTM, Buddha would make sure you get reincatnated as something really really nice. Anything. You Pick. Buddha makes happen. I promise.

Antonia, Rhonda slipped me a twenty yesterday to go get her a small mirror that fits behind here ar, I'll give you the leftover ten, if you promise to make Cassies' visit even more uncomfortable.



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by mbinkc on 05-01-06 at 04:08 PM
Cassie, young lassie...nobody be tellin' me dat yous like to write da poetry. Honey, baby, you done touched my heart wit dat poem you read to dat long, lost boy o' yours (although I coulda done witout all dem tears, ya know?) If yous watched when I was on da show an worked wit Lisa, you sposed to SHOUT it out (pp) honey!! Aint no poem dats any good witout some YELLIN! If you be Yellin, den you be gellin (pp).

Sommer, you be in da SO house cuz you been havin a life full o' bad hair days? Poetri be havin some hair wax, an even a doo-rag if you be needin ta borrow...jus do somethin wit dat hair.

Niambic Pentamula, girl, mmmmm, you be lookin' fine. Poetri be usin da Tivo (pp) ova an ova on you, babydoll. Den you go an take on dat Whitney look today? Ahhh, dat was nice.

Mr. Bingham-Maury, tell Antonia ta stop all da calls. Every message is da same..."Hey, you got 20 bucks?"

Can someone be tellin Poetri how he can be gettin on da Hollywood Squares? I love dat show. I want da top right square please (dey always use dat one to block). Also, is Mr.Murray Poncho still around? Poetri wanna be on dat show too. Jus no DMV tests, okay? I gots enough kids already.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by kircon on 05-02-06 at 11:14 AM
You really like my hair. I think it is so me. It takes a little work, but look at the result. You are a fine looking man. Do you have anyone special in your life. This house is so lonely. Why don't we meet and you can read me some of your fine poetry, Poetri. hugs and kisses. * blows a slow-motion kiss*


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 05-03-06 at 00:26 AM
As soon as we can get Vilanch the heck out of there . . . ehhh, don't call us, we'll call you.


Who in the name of The Color Purple are you again?


"The Brow Mystery"
Posted by Sahara on 05-01-06 at 04:53 PM
I have been wondering...of course, we have all noticed that Buddha seems to have a problem with his right brow. I was thinking that perhaps Andy's left brow has something to do with this...perhaps a bit of rendezvousing going on? Hmmm...


Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.

Question for Maury: If there are any baby brows, would Buddha be considered the father?


"RE: The Brow Mystery"
Posted by Sahara on 05-01-06 at 04:59 PM
Okie dokie, Fraulein Rhonda, I muzt admit zomethink. Originally I zwiped Buddha'z brow for uze in an egzperiment. I thought it vould be fun to zee how it looked on Fraulein Andy'z mom az a third brow in die middle. But before I could uze it, it dizappeared from my laboratory. I don't know vat happened to it. I did find zome brouchurez dropped on the floor, for zomeplaze called "Zentz of Fashion", I think.


"RE: The Brow Mystery"
Posted by pinksparkleguitar on 05-01-06 at 05:09 PM
The great Buddha is shocked an appalled at the accusations floating around.

However, now that I think about it, there was a night, at the beginning of this season where Andy offered me a drink, and all I remember is waking up in the bathtub with a wicked hangover.

What? Maury?

No I will not put that Q-tip in my mouth just to see how cotton tastes!

No . . .No . . .AAAuughghguuughgguuhmmmmmhhhh.




"RE: The Brow Mystery"
Posted by JavaT on 05-01-06 at 09:30 PM
Buddha, I hate to break it to you, old pal, but something has come to my attention. And in fact, it would appear that someone put that Q-tip in your old concrete mouth at some point, because I did a test and... you are the father!

Father of whom? Well, a picture's worth a thousand words... and brace yourself, Budd, you're the father of twins!

See, Buddha, Andy came to me some time ago and revealed to me her secret pregnancy. Seems after SO, she spent quite a bit of time "working on her Web site," heh heh! What a cover! And the whole time, she was hiding the details about the night she spent with you.

Looks like you... ha ha... rocked Andy's world, so to speak! Waa ha ha! I even make myself laugh!


For a good time, call Connie's cell.


"RE: The Brow Mystery"
Posted by pinksparkleguitar on 05-01-06 at 10:43 PM
Oh damn . . . .

I mean the great and honorable Buddha would like -

Awwww......forget it.

Damn, damn, damn you Andy Paige and your cocktail of death!!!


"RE: The Brow Mystery"
Posted by JavaT on 05-02-06 at 07:57 AM
Dr. Vant-etc.etc., it would be really great if you didn't mention any more about that brochure you found on your laboratory floor. I have a feeling my mother was snooping around one night when she was supposed to be out promoting my award-winning, ground-breaking, earth-shaking, monumentally important new company and Web site all rolled into one... Style Stench! Er, I mean, Sensual Stink. No, wait, that's not right... it's Stinky Sense! Sensi Smoke! Stylin' Sense! Hold on... it's Scented Sense! Oh, dear, that can't be right! What's the matter with me? My brain feels so foggy, almost as if I've been drugged... and come to think of it, I did eat some sushi Mother fixed last night. Hmmm. Maybe those little orange things weren't salmon roe, after all?

Um, anyway, I guess I better call Rhonda and see if she remembers the name of the thing. But please, no more mentions of me, my mother, or Cents of Scents. Whatever.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by Sahara on 05-01-06 at 05:10 PM
*gasp* *choke* *cough cough* *gasp* *sob*

To the camera crew:

I did not take my corset girdle off after the Emmys. I thought I may need it as leverage for some camera time today at the meeting with Cassie's son. It seems to bring me to tears, simply because I cannot breathe for the life of me just the thought of being at the Emmys makes me tear up. Please be sure to get some good shots of me, well, crying. That is so good for PR.

Getting Cassie reunited with her son should give me a big boost in the Viewer Ratings department. I had to come up with something after that Lisa fiasco.


Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by Anne18 on 05-01-06 at 07:52 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-01-06 AT 08:00 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 05-01-06 AT 07:56 PM (EST)

Cassie Cries...

Rhonda, I thought we were friends - best friends. How can you use me only for viewers?? I don't understand. WHY NOW?? Would you like to have dinner with me every Friday night we could have dinner. Okay?? (Big Cassie smile here.)

I never gave up. Never. My son knew I was his mother just by looking at me. The poem I wrote was too short. The long version is at home and I plan to read my son the longer version of the short poem that I read to him on the show. Speaking of poetry, I am a poet. I write poetry. Poetri, I did yell whenever I read the words "my" "son" but they edited it out. That is okay because then it helps my case that I don't yell and am calm when the the adoption/court people review the tapes.


"For those of you"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 05-02-06 at 00:54 AM
who were pre-empted on Monday?

*I* am Cassie's son.


I just won a few hundred grand. What did YOU do today?


"My Emmy"
Posted by Sahara on 05-01-06 at 05:19 PM
Oh, Mr. Maury, I mean Murray,

I was wondering if perhaps you could share this second Emmy with me. Since you already have one, I thought that perhaps I could have the second one? As a teensy weensy favor from your hot little bundle of love favorite Life Coach? Believe me, I would make it worth your while (if you know what I mean).

*stares off in trancelike state*

I just can't wait to hug and kiss you all over and tell you all my soul's secrets and make mad passionate love to you...

*jerks back to reality*

Oops, sorry, Mr. Murray, I was just picturing how fun it would be to actually have an Emmy...


Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.


"RE: My Emmy"
Posted by Sahara on 05-01-06 at 05:36 PM
Cut to garden. Rhonda sits next to Buddha holding one of Allison's graduation trophies, pretending it is her Emmy. She sings softly to herself.

You are my Emmy, my only Emmy,
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my Emmy away.



Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.


"RE: My Emmy"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 05-03-06 at 00:22 AM
Try the Roaming Gnome next time, toots. We need the PP $$$.


You can come visit the Emmy any time you like.


"RE: My Emmy"
Posted by trikelady on 05-03-06 at 00:34 AM
>Cut to garden. Rhonda sits
>next to Buddha holding one
>of Allison's graduation trophies, pretending
>it is her Emmy.
>She sings softly to herself.

>
>You are my Emmy, my only
>Emmy,
>You make me happy when skies
>are gray.
>You'll never know, dear,
>How much I love you.
>Please don't take my Emmy away.

.....and just when us rose bushes were about to recover from Niambi screaming.....we all dropped when Rhonda sang......Buddah! HELP US...PLEASE!



"TYRA!!!!!!"
Posted by Sahara on 05-01-06 at 05:31 PM
O, Great BM, must I remind you that hiring Tyra as a Life Coach would violate the terms of my contract? No, no, a thousand times no, I will NOT work alongside a supermodel. You did so well when you chose Iyanla...she's no cutie-pie like I am. And let me also remind you that this show began centered around MY concept, and my concept does NOT include any Life Coach who may be prettier than I am and take away from my camera time.

Don't cross me on this one, you WILL regret it. Rhonda has spoken.


Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.


"RE: TYRA!!!!!!"
Posted by JavaT on 05-01-06 at 08:19 PM
Rhonda, gurrrl, you are just too, too funny! I caught you the other day sneaking a peek at my daytime talk show, and I heard you crying afterward... or was that that miserable little sniveler Dr. Fran Stan I heard?

I know you want to be just like me! And I'm sorry to say it will never, ever happen. I don't have to be laced into my corset. Hey, wait, I don't even wear a corset! And I am capable of inspiring. And I don't know nothing 'bout no concept stuff. I try and steer my impressionable audiences away from stuff like that. Fact is, we discourage sex before marriage at the Tyra Show. So there. Get outta here with that concept talk.

<squares shoulders, looks haughty, thinking...>Who said supermodels were air-headed?! Ha!

Eat your heart out, gurrrlfriend! I'll be taking your place in Group before you know it. That old IV looks like a science experiment gone horribly wrong -- and sitting beside her, I'll look like the proverbial 'after' shot.


I'm too sexy for one show, too sexy for one show...


"RE: TYRA!!!!!!"
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-02-06 at 00:05 AM
A science experiment gone horribly wrong?

You have offended an Anointed Sovereign of the Universe. Brave, but very stupid.

You are talking to and about a woman who stars on a show that won an Emmy Award. A REAL Emmy Award, one that means somethin'. And no, unlike the tired, unoriginal Tyra Show, it was an award for BEST SHOW in its category...not BEST HAIR STYLIN' on a daytime show. Wasn't that what your show got an Emmy for? Or maybe it was BEST UPHOLSTERY ON CHAIRS...or was it BEST BATHROOMS...whateva...I know it ain't nuthin' to write home about.

You wanna do battle with me...you betta go call yo mama and the United States army. Or have you stopped whinin' to mama now that that you're 39? Oh, spare me the gah-bich that you are 31. Nobody believes it.

Karma will get you, my dear. And if it doesn't, I can always put in a call to Barbara Walters. She loves me.

JILL - RUN HER DOWN! ANTONIA - KICK HER BUTT!


*******************************************


"Oh, no she don't."
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 05-02-06 at 00:25 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-02-06 AT 00:35 AM (EST)

Barbara doesn't love you, honey. She loves me. And so does all of RTVW.


Now that Meredith is gone, I'll get much more DAWface time.

Rosie WHO?!


"RE: Oh, no she don't."
Posted by kircon on 05-02-06 at 11:05 AM
I love you too Star. You are my idol. Could you sign my journal? That's N-i-a-m-b-i. Can I ask you a question. Have you ever been told you were a love addict. All I know is that you got it all, Girl. *smooch* *smooch* You are looking good. Would you like to go running some time. I'm a pro-runner, I could be your trainer. Later. *smooch* *smooch*


"RE: Oh, no she don't."
Posted by JavaT on 05-02-06 at 02:06 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-02-06 AT 02:07 PM (EST)

Rosie ME, ya little punk! No, make that big punk. Star, you might have lost some weight, but you're still a hefty old coattail-rider to me. You are so not Tyra, although I'm sure you long to be.

Now that my asymmetrical haircut's grown out, I can rule the (TV) world! I'm already a media darling. The View will simply be a hobby.

The show I'd really like to be on is... Starting Over! Hey, Jon-Jon, you got any job openings over there? I hear that old RhonDAW is starting to slip. When she gets the boot, whydontcha gimme a call?


"RE: Oh, no she don't."
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 05-03-06 at 00:17 AM
You? Have so got to be kidding, you, you . . . ATHEIST, you!

I have the look for both The View and SO. Stand me next to Iyanla, and it's a slam-dunk.

You? Couldn't be a gaffer for Ellen if you tried.


(oh, zoinks, not another non-show character!)


"RE: TYRA!!!!!!"
Posted by JavaT on 05-02-06 at 07:39 AM
Oh, hush up, you old hawk-nosed, horsey-looking old thing! Who are you to tell me who I'll "get" and who I won't, anyway?

I happen to love Miss Tyra. Uh, I could pass on Barbara Walters, but Tyra? Mmmm-mmm!

And that reincarnation request you put in the other day, to come back as Queen of the Universe? Fughettaboudit, sister. At the rate you're going, you'll be lucky to be Tyra's toilet seat.



"RE: TYRA!!!!!!"
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-03-06 at 00:06 AM
Karma Shmarma! Go tell it to the Buddah.

Don't you comprehend what I am about? I don't mean Karma when I say Karma...I mean Iyanlakarma. Where the hell have you been? Still hopin' that another George Harrison will come around and put you on the map again? Ahahahah!

Didn't you know that I take a little from this faith, a little from that religion, and a little more from nursery rhymes? I put it all together, and I have my own faith...and there is a big market for my brand of spirituality. I like being a deity. And for your information, baby, they are payin' $500 a head for one of my seminars. And you? How you doin'?

I'll call curses down on any loos-ah I want to...and in my book, that witch is a loos-ah! And she's butt ugly too.

Buzz off, will ya? Iyanla ain't got no time for your mess.


******************************************


"Niambi's Long Scripted Calling Out"
Posted by kircon on 05-05-06 at 04:12 AM
*yawn* *stretch* *throws covers off* *shuffles to bathroom*
*looking into mirror* You are so beautiful. Look at you, even when you wake up. *turns head to right-left* *blows kiss at self* *looks around at bathroom* I sure do miss that old chick. She could clean a bathroom.

*Reads days schedule* *wads paper up & flushes down toilet* Mistress IV calls me out about not committing to the process. I'm here aren't I. Why is she making me look stupid. *walks to door* *picks up breakfast left by camera man* *winks* *gets back in bed with today's script* Five pages? What does that editor think they are doing?

Script for:
IV & Niambi afternoon session: green room

Today tells if Niambi is willing to give this her all.
It's now or never.

Niambi answers door at 2:00pm with a smile on her face
Walk to green room

IV: Very forceful

1. Very attached to image
2. Resisting the process
3. Everything must look good
4. Result-can't get to pain beneath image
5. Fight for your life

Niambi: tears would be nice (They got to be kidding)

1. No emotions
2. Stand up & be who I am
3. No apologies
4. No hiding
5. Stop taking all the carp
6. Ask for what I want
(Well, I want more nap time.)

bla bla bla bla bla Who cares about a script? *wipes mouth* *gets out of bed* *strolls into bathroom* *starts 1hour make-up process* *looks at clock* 1:30PM.....

....*walking down the stairs she hears the doorbell*

I must check my face one more time. *walks past Antonia sleeping under the table* Hey Christie. You meeting with that fine running coach today? I will try & join you after my session. Any advice on how to produce tears? That old chick knew how to turn on the waterworks. *ding DONG* I better go get the door so IV won't be to mad. *walking to the door with script in hand* *wink at camera man* *puts hand on doorknob* *smiles and opens door* I'm glad to see you Mistress IV.



"RE: Niambi's Long Scripted Calling Out"
Posted by sharnina on 05-05-06 at 04:21 AM
**Looks around to make sure coast is clear
**Checks shirt and hair
**Knocks on door

Oh, hey, Niambi. **Clears throat** I mean... Yo, Niambi, how's it goin'? **Removes glasses** I'm here for Christie but if she's not available I could work out with you... if you want to, that is.


"RE: Niambi's Long Scripted Calling Out"
Posted by kircon on 05-05-06 at 11:49 PM
*bats eyelashes* Why Lanre, I'm suprized to see you here. *glances at script* Lanre meets Christie 2:30pm *looks at clock* 2:40pm

I have a session with Mistress IV now. Shouldn't take long. If you're still around, maybe we can hookup.

Are you going to start coming everyday to help Christie train? Doesn't she slow you down? Could you imagine the two of us running? Your hair, my looks. What a couple we could be. Maybe you should offer to pose for Christie's brouchure. I would be glad to pose with you. *glances at door* *IV is glaring* I must be off for my session. Later Lanre *bats eyelashes*


"RE: Niambi's Long Scripted Calling Out"
Posted by kircon on 05-06-06 at 03:05 AM
Mr Camera Man, you can tell Miss Iyanla I'm ready now. *Niambi walks to the door* *puts hand on doorknob* *Smiles and opens door* I'm glad to see you Mistress IV.

IV leads us to the green room. I place the script beside the pillow on the chair so I can see it.

IV smiles at me then starts yelling, "Are you ready to fight for your life? ... resisting the process...must look good...can't get to pain...addicted to the pain of relationships...bla, bla, bla...time for a reality check."

You aren't following the script IV. No, I didn't read all the lines. *sniff* *sniff* Why are you all over me and in my business?...Todays the day I end looking pretty?...I don't think so....Yes, I want to fight for my life... I need to make this about me. Excuse me!!!!Everything is about me. Just ask my daddy.

What are you saying? Wash my makeup off. Only if you do. Put on my television clothes. What are you talking about? You are one crazy b*#$%. I can't win the war with mascara & lip gloss. I love my Estee Lauder Illusionist Waterproff Maximum Curling Mascara (pp). And I can't go anywhere without my Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer, shade Coffee (pp). Fine! I'll meet you by the pool in my "tela-vision clothes. *storms off through living room to see if Lanre is around*


"RE: TYRA!!!!!!"
Posted by BlowingOver on 05-02-06 at 04:19 PM
>Rhonda, I heard you
>crying afterward... or was that
>that miserable little sniveler Dr.
>Fran Stan I heard?

It wasn't me. I only cry when someone "touches" my soul. Or unravels my blanky. Or when I have to listen to Cassie's poems.

::clutches ears::

NO! NO! NO! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND DECENT!!

::pulls big Western belt off beltloops::

::loops noose over rafter::

NO MORE CASSIE VERSE!


"RE: TYRA!!!!!!"
Posted by Anne18 on 05-02-06 at 06:44 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-02-06 AT 06:46 PM (EST)

To Dr. Stan,

You held me up when I couldn't walk.
Oh, my gosh, now I can't talk... (Cassie Cries)

You helped me so much to find out who I really am and what had to be done.
You gave me hope when I had none.
You helped me find MY SON (<< Cassie yells those words).

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Because I am a poet, I must use the words heart, hope, and help -all of which you gave me my dear man,
Dr. Stan.
Thank you for you.
This is true.

(Cassie hugs Dr. Stan)


"RE: TYRA!!!!!!"
Posted by JavaT on 05-02-06 at 11:08 PM
Aw, you big stinkin' sissy-pants, you, grow up and smell that Pacific sea breeze, for cryin' out loud! Oh, wait a sec, that's not the sea breeze; it's Jodi's towel from her Rolls Curves workout. Ick! I thought it smelled kind of funky. Sort of smells like your blanky, and I'm not surprised at that. Seems like everybody's jumped in Jodi's bed at one time or another, and old Blanky was probably bunched up in there somewhere.

Anyway, allow me to give you a boost up, old Franny-Boy. And I'll be more than happy to kick the chair out from under you once we notch that belt good and tight around your fishbelly-white, pasty old neck.

I am the SO Babe Magnet! And there's only room for one, on SO.


"RE: TYRA!!!!!!"
Posted by JavaT on 05-02-06 at 11:19 PM
Nuh-nuh-nuh-noooooooo, Fwanny, don't jump! Pweeeeeze don't jump! You wuv me, wemembuh? And I wuv ooooo toooo! Pweeeeeze don't weeeeave me!


"Goodbye, Cruel World"
Posted by BlowingOver on 05-03-06 at 04:02 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-03-06 AT 04:32 PM (EST)

::swings from rafter::

::cell phone rings::

::unloops belt from neck::

::falls to floor, adjusts turtleneck::

Hello? Jon? Emergency? Rhonda is talking about WHAT? Vibrator luv? Haven't those HG's suffered enough . . .? I agree; huge PAIN and TRAUMA POTENTIAL. Be right there.

The greatest challenge of my counseling career awaits.

::packs Family Size jar of Vicodin::

::SWOOSH::



"RE: Goodbye, Cruel World"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 05-04-06 at 08:19 AM
Damn. I was thisclose to saving that much payroll.


I mean, glad you're snapping out of it, Stan!


"RE: TYRA!!!!!!"
Posted by JACKBAUERSCHIC on 05-02-06 at 08:08 PM
** banging head on keyboard** (we see imprint of keys on forehead)

** on the phone**

"NO FREAKIN WAY RhonDAW NO NO NO NO! NO I WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANOTHER FREAKIN SECOND OF CAMERA TIME!! You need to STOP with the threats... I do not care if you tell the whole darn crew WHO I am in bed with!! NO MORE CAMERA TIME FOR YOU!!!!!!"

**slams down phone**
-TALKING TO SELF- boy O boy that women is a NUTT case like anyone cares that I am sleeping with Sommer


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by sharnina on 05-02-06 at 03:30 AM
So, Niambi, baby - I sho am missin' you girl. GirlFriend just ain't enough for one man - I need me some Niambi.

GirlFriend says "Hi."


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by kircon on 05-02-06 at 10:52 AM
Mr Situation, I miss you so much. I don't care what that Trya-wannabe says. You are my main squeeze. My little chocolate bear. Do you realize it's been over two weeks since we've been together. I yearn an burn for ya baby. I so long to touch you again.

*Ilanya's voice playing through her head* "You sold yer soul for a piece of a$$. You've done it over & over & over & over& over.........."

They told me, I'm a love addict. yah! That's right! I am going through Situation Man withdraw. Can't you come here. Be my white knight. Woops! Be my Dark Chocolate knight.

Here's an idea! Send yer GF here to the house. Then we could meet. There are several places that would make great meeting places. You should see my bathroom. It's bigger than your apartment. There's also a spot in the backyard. It has a funny little fat stone-man. No, I didn't say stoned. None of that here in the house. No alcohol, no food, nothing good, no friends, *sniff sniff* The good thing is I've found a couple of $20 lying beneath his fat little belly.

When are you going to leave GF. I'm so much better for you than she is. Just dump her. Think of where I can go from here. I'm getting lots of face time. Some producer will see me and make me a star. What do you mean we have to talk about GF?
Why do you want me to put my life on hold? It is on hold here in this stupid house.

*love addiction specialist voice runs through head* "You are a love addict"

I need to go. I need a nap. I'll call later tonight. M'buy.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by sharnina on 05-04-06 at 00:07 AM
Awww, girl, you know I cain't send Nikai to live witch you. Girl, you might start comparin' notes and then what I'm gonna do?

Tell me more about Antonia? She get on you last neeerve? You want me to talk to her -- 'cause you know I will. I set her straight. Why don't you hookintroduce us. Come on, where is she?


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by kircon on 05-06-06 at 03:52 AM
Mr. Situation, How much do you miss me? I feel bound up because, I was cut off cold turkey from your love. One would almost think you were a drug. **thinks to self, that would make me an addict. Could Iyanla be right? hmmm?**
Antonia? I saw her napping behind the chair in the green room. I'm suprised Mistress IV didn't sniff her out. She's such a hag. Thinks she knows it all. She tells me you are bad for me. *sniff* *sniff* I'm tired, I'm going to try one of Antonia's napping spots. Kisses

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by trikelady on 05-03-06 at 00:54 AM
>So, Niambi, baby - I sho
>am missin' you girl. GirlFriend
>just ain't enough for one
>man - I need me
>some Niambi.
GirlFriend says "Hi."


.....rose bushes repeat what Niambi was screaming to Mr. Situation Man.....GET THE F--- AWAY FROM ME.....SHUT THE F--- UP.....etc. uhm...just in case you didn't HEAR her!



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by sharnina on 05-04-06 at 02:58 AM
Oh, no you di'int! You watch it, I cut-cha. C'mon, bring it! I cutcha!



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by JavaT on 05-02-06 at 08:16 AM
Hey baby! It's your gurrrlll, here, ready to hop on board, if you know what I mean <wink wink>! You bet your sweet Speedos I'll be a Life Coach, and I'll be the best one you've ever had, too.

Sure, I may have two shows going at once, but I'm so talented at multitasking, what's one more? And besides, I could do SO in my sleep. I'd imagine most of your viewers sleep through it anyway... ha!

I can see it now... poor old Jodi in Group, blubbering about her latest issue, and I'll be like, "Gurrrrrlll, you know what I think? ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz!" Ha ha! And old Thunder Thighs Christie, cryin' about why her mama was all strung out -- I'll be like, "Gurrrrlll, you know I advocate women being beautiful on the inside and all, but I do believe your graduation gift should be some... liposuction! ZZZzzzzz!" And Niambi? ZZZZZZzzzz -- I won't even go there. Or Cassie -- man, that old worn-out Baby Mama Drama is gettin' old, I wanna tell ya. I could swear I'm watching "Maury" sometimes.

But that's OK. I'll get your ratings boosted! I've got so many good ideas, Jonny, and I can't wait to start! And I don't mean start over, either. I'm perfect just the way I am.



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by beautyboyknockout on 05-02-06 at 01:55 PM

>Daily Assignment<

^^^ Meet Jodie at Rolls errr Curves and get shots of her working out (says to self, I hate being the rookie cameraman)

^^^ Bring macrolens with you today and find a pretty bug in the yard.

^^^ While in back yard get some nice shots of Budda's good side.

^^^ Be on full alert for any cat fights in the house

^^^ Get shots of chubbies eating, drinking any junk

^^^Lots of Niambi shots

^^^Iyanla gets full camera attention, capture the 'love'

^^^When Tyra arrives, camera stays on her, until you hear 'cut'

^^^ Please update resumes for your own good. Note: Maury, Montel, Martha are always hiring.


"OOC: beautyboyknockout "
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 05-03-06 at 01:14 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-03-06 AT 01:15 AM (EST)

Please see my note to you in signup thread II.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by kircon on 05-05-06 at 04:25 AM
Hey Camera Man. *winks* I'll be making my bed later--in this cute little low cut top. *winks*




"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 05-03-06 at 00:36 AM
That's what I'm looking for, my sweet. Someone who's not a "wounded healer", but who is respected by women and lusted after adored by men everywhere. Just sit there and look pretty. (Try NOT to!)

If either Rhonda or Iyanla give you any carp, a nice shove in the pool works wonders. (And boosts the ratings all the more. Did you see the Dynasty reunion special the other night?)


What's more, your name ends in "a". How con-VEEEEN-ient!


"Antonia"
Posted by Anne18 on 05-02-06 at 03:27 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-02-06 AT 03:41 PM (EST)

Antonia, how would you like this little number that I found in my closet? It's FREE!! It's a GIFT! No strings attached!

http://pages.prototypevintage.com/6695/PictPage/1922823008.html

I was going to wear it when I met my son but since Andy Paige was around, I couldn't so... it's yours! AND don't forget the earrings!

http://pages.prototypevintage.com/6695/PictPage/1922790144.html



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by JACKBAUERSCHIC on 05-02-06 at 08:17 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-02-06 AT 09:58 PM (EST)

**THINKING** How can I get IV to slap RhonDAW on camera??????


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by BlowingOver on 05-03-06 at 04:23 PM
::peers in front door, hears Jodi talking about what kind of lover she is ::

::backs away::

::circles around house, peers in back door, hears Cassie practicing latest poem, "What Kind of Lover is My Son?" for Poetry Slam::


::runs to Kim's ex-anger room, finds Rhonda there, color-coding "special sexy items" for HG::

::flees to tennis court, finds yarn scraps from Niambi's exercise::

::curls up beside Buddha in fetal position, sucking thumb::



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by JavaT on 05-03-06 at 08:10 PM
Oh, Dr. Fwanny, you didn't die, you didn't die! I wuv you! I wuv you for not kiwwing yourself!

Wet's go curwll up in Jodi's bed, OK? You don't need yarn scwaps. All you need is ME

We could go wie down by Buddha, but Buddha's nasty. He wikes Andy Paige and he does dirty things with her



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by JavaT on 05-03-06 at 08:50 PM
I'm so ashamed! These rumors are flying about the Buddha and me, and I just have no way of defending myself. Darn that Maury Povich! Nothing's sacred with him! And not even my own mother will stand up for me. So I guess it's time for the truth. <takes deep breath>

It was a dark and stormy night in SoCal. I'd just come from my condo in Watts Beverly Hills, and I started feeling the tiniest bit woozy. Earlier, my mother had fixed me a lovely plate of sushi, with the orange roe that I really like, and I'd eaten every bite! I decided to go for a drive and wound up in the garden at the SO house.

After that, I just can't remember exactly what happened. I remember showing up at the door, and asking Jodi if she'd consider reversing her sex change operation and going back to her previous man state, in lieu of a graduation makeover... then, as I picked myself up off the floor and rubbed my aching jaw, I saw Antonia glaring at me from the kitchen. Before I knew it, she'd slapped those credit card cuffs on me... and the next thing I was aware of, I was in the garden, chained to the Buddha statue.

And please girls, don't tell anyone, but... Buddha was wearing my <gasp> underwear! On his head!

Well, I spent the rest of the night making over the tennis court, and in the morning, I went home. As time went on, I noticed my clothes were just a teensy tad tight, but Mother said it was probably just water weight. Uh, after 9 months of -- er, working on my Web site, I went to the hospital, where Mother served me more sushi. The next thing I knew, I woke up with those dreadful twin things that Mr. Povich mentioned earlier.

The rest is history.

I'm quite ashamed over this, and I think I may need to come back to the SO house, to reinvent myself. <sobs>


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by pinksparkleguitar on 05-04-06 at 02:14 PM
Lies!!!

Maury Po - - Buddha is asking for a lie detector test on this one.

I had nothing to do with her, at least willingly!

BTW Andy, Don't you dare give our kids a makeover! I'll ask Tyra to do that.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by BlowingOver on 05-04-06 at 03:51 PM
>Wet's go curwll up in Jodi's
>bed, OK? You don't need
>yarn scwaps. All you need
>is ME

Wait a minute. That voice . . . that haunting, infantile voice. Where have I heard it before?


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by JavaT on 05-04-06 at 09:54 PM
It's me! It's your bwanky! I wuv oooo! Uh, don't oooo wuv me too?

Or is your sissy-pants ego wrapped up in that Kim-thing that just regurgitated graduated? Are you so busy trying to be someone's fathuh figure that you don't have time for me any more? Huh? Huh?

Or is it the fact that you're a hot-shot Southern California psychotherapist, no doubt trying to rake in as much moolah as possible in what promises to be a rather short career? So what do you do but milk your clientelle for all they're worth and then some, then plop your old nasty semi-bearded self in the Starting Over house so you can gain more money and face time?

Which is it, Stan? Which is it? Make up your mind, you Cro-Magnon-looking thing, you! And you call yourself a Stud Muffin! Well, let's not forget that muffins have a way of getting old and crusty. And I do believe that's where you're headed.

AAAIIIIEEE! I can't take any more of this!

<a man is standing in the doorway, holding Blanky, and shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts...>

Wow, forgive me for going off on you, there, Dr. Stan! Looks like my GPS got mixed up and sent me to Starting Over, instead of the set of my show, Crossing Over. Well, I mean, what used to be my show. But hey, all's not lost; I'm in syndication now. And I was on Tony Danza last month!

Anyway, when I got to the door of the SO house, all of a sudden I started channeling John Davidson, which is kinda weird in itself since he's alive. Anyway, the negative energy toward you was so great that it just sort of... er, happened. Kinda reminded me of Linda Blair in The Exorcist. I almost wet my pants.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by BlowingOver on 05-08-06 at 03:30 PM
Oh, thank God it's you, John!

Thought that lispy lady was back, stalking my hands again.



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by Lanna42 on 05-03-06 at 08:11 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-03-06 AT 08:19 PM (EST)

Hi Everyone,

I'm sure you all know me the Pillsbury Doughboy.Some better than others.(winks)I'm proud to have been chosen as the next SO spokesman.Yes,I'm a man made of dough.Don't get any ideas Antonia.No,I'm not your son either Cassie but we could play that game sometime if you want.By the way,I think you plagerized that song and dance of yours out of one of my commercials.Talk to my attorney later.

Sure glad that bean sprout diet phased itself out.Jodi and Christie are old pals of mine.I plan to run in the 5K race with them.Ahead of Christie,with you guessed it,a platter of cinnamon rolls.That should speed her up.

Try not to worry about those dropped ratings ladies.The PBDB is here to help.I'm packin heat but I can't pull this show out the dumper by myself.So I'm putting all you slackers on notice.Start misbehavin.Don't make me pop a cresent roll in your a$$e$.(smiles sweetly,blows kisses)

No Iyanla,you don't need to give me a hug to congratulate me.NO,IYANLA......GOD NOOOOOO......(disappears as he's swallowed up by Iyanla's bosom.)(sigh)I was afraid of that and on my first day.I can't get lost in someone's breasts now.I've got BAKED GOODS in the oven!!Oh,who am I kidding Jodi's probably found them by now.They're gone.It sure is DARK in here.I can't see a THING.(finds flashlight,switches on)That's better.Might as well take a look around.Wow!Look at all the STUFF in here.An airhorn,counterfiet bill press,Oh yeah,for Antonia,deflated beach balls,beanie babies?Man it's like being inside the whale in that movie "Pinochio."Yarn,sock puppets,a minature poodle (ruff,ruff,)A whip and blindfolds.Who didn't see that coming huh?(cracks whip once,Iyanla jumps)Sorry I couldn't resist .(giggles)That was Fun!(cracks whip again,Iyanla jumps again)Wow,a whole shelf full of those crappy SO statues.So that's where they store those.

I gotta get outta here.Iyanla can you hear me?Get me outta here!!
That's my LEG! Don't yank on that so hard.It's not a breadstick you know.Gently,just pull GENTLY,okay? (he pops out) No Jon,I was NOT sexually harrassing her.I was swallowed up in her bosom during a HUG.It happens all the time.Believe me.


PILLSURY DOUGHBOY,NEW SO SPOKESMAN
HE'S MADE OF DOUGH UNLIKE ANTONIA


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by pinksparkleguitar on 05-04-06 at 02:18 PM
That's It Stan, let it all out.

Just watch out for Jodi, she might come to stroke - I mean - comfort you.


"Niambi Gets MAD!!!"
Posted by kircon on 05-06-06 at 04:04 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-06-06 AT 04:45 PM (EST)

*pats Buddha on head* *walks to tennis courts* *IV is standing with 2 bats*

This doesn’t look good. I should have read the script better. Well here goes.

These are my "over-indulge in TV" clothes. I still look fine. Where’s my camera?

Repeat after you. What’s your hurry? Don’t get your undies in a bundle. FINE! Just tell me where my camera is.

Negative self talk…self denial….I’m guilty…shame…anger…ugly…stupid…mean…evil…selfish

*repeat 10 times* IV screams “WHAT’S GOING ON NIAMBI?”

I’m afraid. Why are you so mad? OK I’ll turn around. Let go of my arms.

*IV swings Niambi’s arms around wildly* *for a long time*
*Let’s go and spins Niambi around*

IV screams “CHOOSE A BAT” I choose the metal one. “NOW BEAT YOUR SELF”
*IV is still holding the pictures of Niambi* “I FEEL YOUR PAIN”
“WHEN YOU GET YOUR PAIN OUT, GO FIND YOUR ROOMMATES AND TELL THEM.”

*sob* *sniffle* *sob* *looks for camera* *tears start falling*

I’m sorry I beat you up. *whack* I’m sorry I left my situation man. *whack* SORRY *Whack*
SorryeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! I’M STANDING UP FOR MYSELF!!!!!!!!

BACK THE HELL AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

*runs off toward house*

SorryeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *whack* *whack* *whack*



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by sharnina on 05-04-06 at 00:13 AM
**Approaches front door
**Looks at self in glass
**Adjusts dreds
**Adjusts sleeveless shirt to make sure muscles are fully exposed with just a peek of the pecs
**Knocks on the door

Oh, hey, Christie, you ready for your workout?

**Looks over Christie's shoulder
Say, is Niambi here? Maybe she would like to work out with us.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by JavaT on 05-04-06 at 05:43 AM
Ooooo baby, you are so fine! I don't know where that pear-shaped loser Christie is, but I'll work out with you! I think you could add a little spice to my life... only don't tell that guy you saw at the SO house, Dr. VantToLookJung. I'm, er, sort of involved with him, and I'd like to keep me and you on the down-low, know what I mean?

I'd also be interested in seeing if you could make my hair into dreadlocks. I've had this same style for sooooo long, and I'd kind of like a makeover. But don't tell my daughter -- sheesh, the last thing I need is her sticking her pointy nose into my business. Again.

Speaking of Andy, she could stand to do some workouts with you, too. She's still got some post-baby weight to lose. Ha!


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by sharnina on 05-04-06 at 12:23 PM
**Begins backing up toward the door.

Ummm... yeah, **looks at watch** oh, I just remembered I have an appointment... uh, yeah, an appointment... Gotta run - BYE!

**Runs fast - very fast.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by kircon on 05-06-06 at 04:08 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-06-06 AT 04:37 PM (EST)

aaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! I'M SHOUTING OUT TO THE UNIVERSE!!!!

*climbs stairs three at a time* This feels good.

JODI, I'm not going to let IV tell me what to do any more. I'm standing up for myself. SorryeeeeeeeEEEEEEEE!!! *whack* *whack* *whack*
CHRISTIE!!! I forgive myself! SorryeeeEEEEEEE!!! *whack* *whack* *whack*
SOMMER!!! I appreciate my self!!! *whack* *whack*
CASSIE!!! *WHACK*

*lays bat down* I have released my words to the universe and moved through the pain, fear, and doubt. Dam, Ms Editor, you write some fine words.

I'm tired. I'm going to take a nap now.



"Jodi's dance"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 05-04-06 at 08:54 AM
When can we air Jodi's sensual, erotic, naked candle and mirror dance? It is sweeps month, you know.

*phone rings, it's the PTC who has somehow learned of this*

"Look, Murray, if you're going to do that, at least make it something WORTH us protesting about!!"

Okay, we'll put it on DVD instead.


We'll put it in with the workout videos.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by Anne18 on 05-04-06 at 01:02 PM

Why am I here in the house if I already met MY SON?!?!?

Where is that puzzle piece that I am looking for? I don't even know where to start!! Help me Jodi, don't just sit there. If they call you for the Board of Review you could get a C again to see if you are paying attention.

Later, to Jodi:

I think you should stay only if you graduate.
I mean, look at me, I graduated and came back lots of times - like Buddha reincarnates! Well, they keep giving him more face time than me and my friend, Rhonda, but that is okay because now I am back and that means more face time for both of us! Oh where was I?

Oh yeah, back to the puzzle.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by catmama on 05-04-06 at 11:05 PM
*mr. bathroom has been under a little reno... and i don't mean the biggest little city, either! :p*

johnny, i think i've got the answer to your money issues! we could make and market our own line of "starting over cleaning agents"! i don't kjnow too many women who actually work out at home, but i know plenty that do their own cleaning. like...kelly! trust me, i think it would be a hit. and, as punishment, er, her next assignment, atilla-onia could figure out all the ins and outs of what rooms to clean, what scents to use, etc. although, i have a feeling she'd come up with something like "money room door-knob polisher- now smells just like freshly minted 100's!" or something. whaddya think?


i miss my kelly... boohoo!


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by Lanna42 on 05-05-06 at 07:24 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-05-06 AT 09:53 AM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 05-05-06 AT 07:29 AM (EST)

Hey Buddha, I've been noticing you across the garden.I know I'm just a five inch tall man made of dough and your a hard,hard,statue of a 2500 year old Nepalese diety.But I think we could get together.Yes,you heard right.I swing THAT way.Those cherub statues are SO standoffish.

We could meet one evening under the stars.I'll bring partially hydrogynated substandard baked goods.You bring your infinite wisdom and knowledge of DNA testing.I might even take off my chef's hat and kerchief for you.Without them I'm completely...........well use your imagination.They ARE the only clothes I wear.I'm all original dough too.Hardly any kneading done.Except for that unfortunate Jodi incident.Alright,I'll confess.

I was one of the twenty "men" Jodi slept with prior to coming to the SO house.Explains a lot doesn't it?I don't know what I was thinking.I was at the "Date A Thon" at a bar in LA.It was late and the lighting was REALLY BAD.I'd had a few to many beers.The next thing I remember is waking up with a wicked hangover in bed with Jodi.I couldn't remember actually DOING anything but I was squashed flat as a pancake and her fingerprints were all over me.So I knew SOMETHING had happened.There were crumpled cookie dough tubes and empty beer cans all over.I opened my eyes to find Jodi's face coming in for a good morning kiss.I screamed and dove under the bed.When I came out five hours later she was still there.Dangling my car keys in front of me "Looking for THESE Baby?"I did the only thing I could do.I ran out of there like the wind and took the bus home.

So that's my story Buddha.Get back to me okay?And if Jodi happens by you haven't seen me.Alright?

PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY,SO SPOKESMAN
UNLIKE ANTONIA,MADE OF DOUGH


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by JavaT on 05-05-06 at 09:04 PM
Hey, Fat Boy, you stay away from my man! I don't care which way you swing, you're talking about my babies' daddy, and I need him to be their father figure! Sure, maybe he's a little stoical, and I do realize his right eyebrow needs some work, but he's got... style. Kind of.


Buddha's got nothin' on me when it comes to brows.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by Lanna42 on 05-06-06 at 06:49 AM
Yeah Andy..........I think I saw your brow at the "Date a thon" the other night.Some of the "guys" there were trying to pick it up.You might want to look into that. And to STOP me you have to CATCH me!! So good luck.I've been practice sprinting against Christie all week and I'm FAST.We could always make it a three way if you want.Yeah,don't play dumb with me I've heard about your little "make-up" parties.They don't call me Poppin fresh for nothing Baby.

And I'm not fat I'm pleasantly doughy. xxxxxoooooo

PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY,SO SPOKESMAN
MADE OF DOUGH UNLIKE ANTONIA



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by kircon on 05-06-06 at 05:09 PM
Privy Post
5 sheets Charmin Toilet Paper Postage (pp)

My Darling Bathroom,

I hope all is well with you. Are the HG's keeping you clean. I found a new product. It's called ScotchBrite Disposable Toilet Scrubber.(pp) It will fit you in all the right places. Every crevise. The new cleaning crew left some. What a joke that gift was. I have to clean before they come, or they won't. Now it's double the work.

If only I could bring you home with me. I have such fond memories of just the two of us. Me with my toothbrush and you with your shine. I miss you so much my darling.

I'll plan to come a day early for the next graduation. Any special request for products to bring. Maybe Kimmie will be back with her "special sweater". Remember how you shined after I used it. Good times, Good times.

I must close for now,
Yours till you can not flush anymore,

Kelly


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 13"
Posted by catmama on 05-08-06 at 05:04 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-08-06 AT 05:07 AM (EST)

edited for spelling
that's it! you tell that ol' hubby of your's there's going to be a "new additoin" to the family. he doesn't have to know (well, not yet anyway), that it's me, and not a baby/dog/your mother. heck, i'm sure jon-boy could get a crew from one of those home improvement shows to do the swap. yeah, we could even call it "trading spaces-meet your new toidy!" you don't love the bath at your house more than me, right? i mean, sure, you've had that one for X amount of years, but me? i was part of your healin', baby! you can't deny that! scrubbing my tile with your toothbrush? that was all about intimacy, girl. you can't fight it; just give in. i know you want me. besides, if i have to hear that horrible bawstohn "accent," or deal with bad r&b, or someone falling asleep in mr. tub (plus that one time in mr. shower!), i'll tear myself off this place! who's to know i'm not on a fault line? i'm sure your boys will love me. they'll be calling me "mr. bathroom" in no time.
well, i realize that sounds like i've gone off the deep end. really, it's just that jodi has decided to fix the witchy-poo mess on her head in here, and the fumes from the hairspray are choking me. seriously, i feel a little hiiiigh. i've quit paying attention to the others here since you've left. none of them scrub the way you do!
so, farewell, until the next graduation. those sponges sound lovely, but you know, i'd never pass up a can of bon ami
i thought the charmin was a nice touch.
mr. bathroom
p.s.- i'm really tired of looking at andy's stretch mark's in mr. mirror. i'm surprised rhonda hasn't put a stop to that!

b/c you know how she loves a looking-glass!