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Original Message
"Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-17-06 at 11:44 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-18-06 AT 04:39 PM (EST)

* summons Rhonda and Iyanla *

Ladies, we need to find out how this new bean sprout diet is helping the HGs. Would you kindly throw them in the pool and measure how much water is displaced?

Yes, Niambi too.


Would Mary-Ellis do this? I doubt it, but who cares?
Pssst. Rhonda, behind the tennis court, 30 minutes? *wink*

ADMINISTRIVIA:

THE ONE CHARACTER TO A CUSTOMER RULE IS WAIVED. If you'd like to play someone else who is not being played in addition to your character, let me know in the NEW signup thread.

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Based on various other "Be The . . ." games, created by (all hail) Angelfood.

ETA: Remember (that's a word I have difficulty spelling; see the OT forum), you need not just follow my lead here. You can take this in any show-related direction you wish.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 04-18-06 at 02:40 AM
You got it, baby! I love making these women parade around in bathin' suits in front of the TV cameras.

Howeva, I do think it would be counterproductive for Niambi to put on a bathin' suit just now. As her LC, I'm just not allowin' it. I'm undecided about Kim too.

I think just the tubbies...I mean the full figured gals should hafta put on their swimwear. Can I get Jill back here for the bathin' suit episode?

*******************************************

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by trikelady on 04-18-06 at 11:20 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-24-06 AT 11:33 AM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 04-18-06 AT 11:23 AM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 04-18-06 AT 11:22 AM (EST)

"I AM SO BEAUTIFUL TO MEEEEEEE", "I AM SO BEAUTIFUL TO CHRISTIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE", "I AM SO BEAUTIFUL TO...YOU ARE A ROCK STAR BABY", Everyone is just gonna drop when they see me in my teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini! How cool am I?...you can't even tell I had Jax. It's like someone just dropped him off on my doorstep. Wait till Jon, I mean Mr. Murry see's me in this...then he'll be mine and ...Miss BOTOX PUSS will be getting an "F" and be told she's "Going Home"...(among a few other things b!tch)..."I am so beautiful to JON",


...

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by BlowingOver on 04-18-06 at 03:26 PM
::inserts three earplugs into each ear::

Perhaps, Kim, you might restrict your singing and other obscene acting-out behaviors to your SPECIAL ROOM only.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by trikelady on 04-24-06 at 11:27 AM
Dr. Stan... my oh my, what BIG EARS you have!

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by Sahara on 04-23-06 at 06:15 PM
Umm, Kim? Why are you saying these things? I know that you say everything with the very best of intentions, and that you just don't know any better, poor child.

I do think this would be a good time for you to go explore your "feeling room" for a while. I'll unlock it when I think you have explored the reasons for all of these hostile feelings toward me.


Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.

Or maybe I will just graduate you to get you out my hair...hopefully before the swimsuit competition. What to do, what to do?

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by trikelady on 04-24-06 at 11:46 AM
Umm...ask Jon...Umm...Miss Botox Puss. Word is Jon is trying to cut down on (rat testicle) aka BOTOX, blondes, and women with butts bigger than their chests. Knew you would fall for the "feeling room". WOW! What a feeling I felt with Jon in there! BTW the locks have been changed and Jon and me are the only ones with keys...so you may go to your "sorry room" and practice doing whatever it is you do with that mirror.

I AM SO BEAUTIFUL TO JON...............

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by kircon on 04-18-06 at 01:11 PM
*waves hand franticly* It's me Kelly! I've been kind of invisable. I would love to help you throw a few people into the pool. What a great way for me to clean up relationships here at the House. I'll be in my bathroom cleaning, if you need my help.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by BlowingOver on 04-18-06 at 03:20 PM
Kelly . . . thank you for identifying yourself.

Have you worked here long?

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by kircon on 04-19-06 at 11:59 AM
Dr. Stan, don't you remember our talks in the garden. Don't you remember my shy little girl act. I batted my eyelashes at you. But I don't want to be touched. I'M ONE OF THE HOUSEGUEST!

How can I get any where if you don't know I'm here. Well I'm going back to my darling bathroom. We are expecting a new room mate. I want it to sparkle.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by BlowingOver on 04-19-06 at 04:11 PM
:: watches Kelly dance away with toilet brush ::

:: looks more confused than usual ::

:: squints ::

Shy little girl act? Oh, now I remember. The stripper.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by pinksparkleguitar on 04-18-06 at 01:33 PM
The great wise Buddha must insist that Niambi participate in getting throw in the pool . . .perhaps if you are worried about parading her around in a swimsuit, she doesn't have to wear anything at all???

Buddha just thinks that might -erm- help her with -erm- stuff.......?

Please Iyanla? My stay in the garden has been so lonely without Christine.....


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by snowflake2 on 04-18-06 at 10:14 PM
Iyanla says: Can I get Jill back here for the bathin' suit episode?

<<Before the words are even finished coming out of Iyanla’s mouth, there is a screech of tires on the pavement in the SO driveway. Jill, seated in her hover round, is excitedly waving from the flatbed portion of a pickup truck, reminiscent of the one featured on “Sanford & Son”. Once the team of men manning the vehicle extricate Jill from the rest of the junk in the back of the truck, they proudly roll her up to Iyanla, and then turn their attention to picking up the soiled mattress which has fallen off the truck.>>

Did I hear Iyanla right? I’m gonna be on Starting Over again? Oh, this is delicious! I been prayin’ on this, and the Universe just answered me!! Jeeee----yuuuuuul Tracey in the house! (Suddenly remembers herself, and regains composure) Uhhhh, not that I haven’t been, uhhhhhh, you know, busy with my career since leavin’, you know, cuttin’ business deals, weighin’ options, and meetin’ with network executives, but I guess I can uhhhhhhhh, you know, come back as a favor to Iyanla, and also to uhhhhh, you know, pay it forward. I know I’ve been such an inspiration to so many women. BTW, Iyanla, you got some cash on you to pay the driver? I must have left my Prada purse at home.

I am ready, willing, and able to stand in my majesty on Starting Over: Swimsuit Edition. I am so excited to get into my bathing suit and show all my fans the progress with my weight loss. If I can do it, you can too!! Of course, the scale still reads 387 lbs, but just like it’s takin’ a while for the money to catch up with my new superstar status, it’s gonna take a while before all this weight I’ve been losin’ actually shows up on the scale. And the important thing is that I feel skinny now. Iyanla says seein’ myself as thin is enough to keep heart disease & diabetes at bay! It’s all about uhhhhhh, you know, visualization.

Also…and this is gonna show just how miraculously the Universe works for those of us who know how to uhhhhhh, you know converse with it…I have just completed designing my Jill Tracey line of plus-sized swimsuits. And women are just gonna LOVE these. There are some really cute ones where the bra cups are actually jumbo-sized cupcakes. Others feature bottoms with the word “conflama” written on the butt, Juicy Couture-style. You heard of one and two piece swimsuits? Well, my new line also features 3- and 4-piece swimsuits, something uhhhhh, you know, totally revolutionary. You gotta see ‘em to believe ‘em. We also feature specialized bras for “back boobies”, and the largest selection of plus-sized thongs anywhere! Girls, don’t let anybody lie to you and tell you that you can’t look damn fine in a thong just because you weigh more than 350 lbs!! Stand in yo' truth & get yo’ credit cards out!!

<<whispers to Iyanla>> Uhhhhhhh, I might need, uhhhhhh, you know, some help getting’ out this hover round & into the pool. You got my back, girlfriend?


Love ya, Mean it!!




"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by Sahara on 04-18-06 at 11:18 PM
And the important thing is that I feel skinny now.

Ah, Jill, Jill, Jill! Weren't you listening to me at your graduation? (I am positive that all of the rest of America was gazing at me with rapt attention to admire me and see what gems of wisdom came pouring from my mouth.)

No, no, no, dear, remember? The important thing is...you need to have wonderful sex. My goodness, girl, I thought that you hung on my every word. I am very disappointed in you.

If you wish to come back to the Starting Over house for the Swimsuit Edition, I must insist that you listen to me. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to learn some of my mirror exercises. I am sure it would be helpful for you to go on the bean sprout diet!

Love ya, miss ya, mean it! *sneer*


Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 04-21-06 at 02:11 AM
(Iyanla runs down the drive-way, yelling. She's waving her arms and coughing because Jill's "ride", the Sanford & Son dumptruck, is burning oil and there is a thick haze of blue-black smoke lingering in the air)

"Good Lord...give me air! I cannot breathe!!! Oh, now ya'll watch it - Don't you even think of lettin' that dump truck hit my Mercedes! That's a special order model straight from Germany and it ain't paid off yet! (Clearing throat) Um....I COULD pay it off if I wanted to, my financial advisor said I should pay it off on time, though...Antonia, that advice has nuthin' to do with you - I'm rich, and you ain't...ahahahahahahah!

(Looking at Jill perched on her Hover-round scooter) Are you seriously hittin' me up for more cash? Why are you always up in my business, Miss Jill? Why does it feel like your hand is always in my purse? That BS about life coach for life, that's a script, ba-by...that ain't real...Hell, none of this is real...this ain't no Startin' Over House...this is just a stage to showcase my talents since Oprah got all wacked on me...anyway, how the hell am I supposed to be carryin' your butt foreva? Ya'll know the way the industry works with scripts and lies. You're an insider now, thanks to me...Besides, didn't my secretary just give you $75 and some Burger King coupons? Alright, alright...here's $20 and a coupon for Dunkin' Donuts...buy a dozen, get a dozen free.

Now I want to know about this internet site your runnin'? Is it true you're sellin' T-Shirts that say "Life Coaches Suck"? I mean, it may not be true...it's just somethin' a little birdie told me. I also heard you're usin' the word "Conflama" like you made it up yourself. I just know that's MY word - I was inspired when I first used it. I don't rememba givin' the word to you. Actually, I had big plans for that word...it was gonna be in the title of my next book.

So, if it's true that you're makin' money, any amount, on merchandise with that word printed on it...you need to do the right thing and give back to the giver out of what you have been given in a spirit of giving and the giver can give freely even more gifts that you can then give back to the giver in another spirit of giving. That's a POW-A-FUL truth, my darling, and it can be summed up in three easy words: Give to me. Think of it as tithin'...only I need 75% instead of 10%. Livin' large is expensive, ba-by. People are expectin' Iyanla to look a certain way, dress a certain way, and drive a certain car. My butt can't be ridin' the bus, and I can't be buying my costumes in Buffalo Exchange...that stuff is dirty and old, if you know what I'm sayin'. We'll talk later, my love - after you are centered, supported, connected, and fed.

(Looking at Antonia) Um, Antonia, write this down, because I'm feelin' inspired...you're butt should be ridin' the bus. I'm rich, and you ain't....ahahahahaha!

So, ladies, let's suit up. I can't wait to see how you all look in your suits. There's nuthin' more delicious than the female form...

*******************************************

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by c27 on 04-23-06 at 10:21 PM
omg!!! That was hillarious!! I remember the episode allibom threw herself in th pool on that darn life boat as iyanlla called it. the boat practically went under!! Now that is better than seeing her( alli) in a bathing suit. And she did not at that point say That was delicious!! LOL
"To: c27"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-23-06 at 11:21 PM
Hi, and welcome to the boards.

This is a roleplay thread, not a discussion thread, as explained above. If you want an unclaimed role, let me know in the new signup thread. If you have any questions, e-mail or PM me.

"Urgent Message"
Posted by Sahara on 04-23-06 at 06:08 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-23-06 AT 06:36 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 04-23-06 AT 06:20 PM (EST)

Hello, Miss Iyanla, this is in response to your urgent request. Here at Big Bolt Fabrics, we received your order for 200 yards of Spandex. The order specifies that this is for swimsuits for a Miss Jill, a Miss Jodi, a Miss Allison, and yourself. Normally, Spandex for the current styles of swimwear only requires approximately 1/4 of a yard of material per swimsuit. We have not had time to anticipate this rather hefty request, so we must inform you that there will be a slight delay in shipping your order. Also, please note that we must supply you with scraps from several different bolts of fabric, so the suits will possibly have to be made in a patchwork style. We have all three of our factories working around the clock to fulfill your order in the quickest time possible. Please accept our heftiest apologies. Here at Big Bolt we strive to please you.

As a courtesy due to your weight wait, we are enclosing a coupon for a weekend for four at the Waist-Away Fat Farm Spa. Enjoy!

Big Bolt Fabrics

"RE: Urgent Message"
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 04-24-06 at 00:27 AM
From the Desk of: Iyanla Van Zant, Attorney at Law, Best Selling AuthorESS, Motivational SpeakerESS, Life Coach Prototype, Yoruban PriestESS, Caster of Spells, Doer of Good Deeds, ShepherdESS to the Lost, Diviner of Dreams, Seer, Visionest, etc.

TO: Big Bolt Fabrics

Thank you for your recent communique regarding our rather signficant order for Spandex.

While it may complicate our shooting schedule, production has advised that a brief delay is tolerable. Covering almost 900 pounds of flesh in swimwear IS no small objective - Rome wasn't built in a day, as they say. There is no objection to the patchwork designs, as long as the patterns will camoflauge the steel reinforcements the suits will require.

For the record, Miss Iyanla does not include herself in the aforementioned poundage. She will not be modeling her Rubinesque figure on camera in a figure enhancing suit - and even if she did chose to live in that particular moment - well - she assures you that there are multiple fashion designers who would beat a path to her door at the mere hint of such a venture.

Please keep me updated.

Be a Great Day,

Iyanla, Superstar


*******************************************

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by BlowingOver on 04-18-06 at 03:14 PM
:: nervously peers around corner of Jon's office door::

:: glances in Jon's INBOX::

Memo from Speedo: NOT ENOUGH SPANDEX IN THE WORLD, MAN.

Memo from House Owner: SANDBAG THE PATIO FIRST, DUDE. THE FLOOD AFTER THE LIFEBOAT EXERCISE WAS BAD ENOUGH

Memo from Rhonda: Wouldn't you rather see me displace a little fluid of my own, Jon? I'll sprout your beans you sexy little . . .

::audibly whimpers::

::stops reading::

::stratches neck nervously::

::rubs ring-around-the-collar-grimed finger on lime green shirt::

::backs out of office::

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by Bachlott on 04-18-06 at 06:52 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-18-06 AT 06:54 PM (EST)

I would love to join you in throwing several HG's in the pool. They shall remain nameless at this time. However, I'm much to busy basking in the misery of yet another roommate leaving me here to have to deal with my own problems. People, I need to make your problems about me and I can't do that if you keep quitting and graduating on me. Also, I'm letting go of my mask which I can reassure you means that all hell is about to break loose. If you thought I was bad before, just wait until you see the me that's been lurking behind that mask all of this time. Also, I don't think I could get through the agony of trying on my bathing suit only to find that it is 4 sizes to small.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by mbinkc on 04-18-06 at 08:07 PM
Poetri be so agitated right now dat he can't do no rhymin'.
What be with all this cryin' and weepin' wit Jodi? Yeah, I be talkin' to you, you mask wearin', all 'bout me, Kleenepp!) usin' biatch. You done got yo 15 minutes o' SUCKcess a long time ago. Can you shut yo tear ducts down fo jus one day? Poetri don't think so from what he been seein'. You, you, you...dat's the story, huh? Jus go be one wit dat dang Buddah dude (who, by da way, gots some sorry lookin' nose...how you lose half a nose?) or maybe jus go play in da traffic. I be so tired o' you sorry azz dat I might jus come back over to dat house an git dat dang mask an Super Glue(pp!)it to yo face so we ain't got to see yo welled up baggy eyes no mo!


Comin' close to writin' poems dat rhyme wit Nantucket

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-20-06 at 12:31 PM
Yo, Poetri! I've been meaning to ask you . . .

Now that Niambi is in the house, will you start doing poetry in Niambic pentameter?


And that is why I'm a producer, not a writer.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by mbinkc on 04-22-06 at 01:35 AM
A Big Holla Out to You, Mr. Burnham-Murphy...
I really be's thinkin hard bout that pentamtula thang you be's talkin bout, but I ain't been able to find any of da words dat rhymes wit pintanticle.
I apologize Mr. Bunning-Merman. I hopes dat you still be axing me back to da house sometime soon (but can you be's usin some smaller words?)


I still gots some words dat rhyme wit Nantucket

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-24-06 at 03:00 PM
*thinks better of asking Poetri if he's ever read Shakespeare*


A DAW by any other name . . .

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by trikelady on 04-24-06 at 12:08 PM
Poetri...cut Buddah some slack dude. He was out in the garden sniffin us and he got carried away. We found his nose and are still looking for his eyebrow. BTW... have you seen his pinky? I guess that is also missing.

Please sniff but don't touch! Umm...KIM!

"My Darling Bathroom"
Posted by kircon on 04-19-06 at 04:45 PM
*Scrubbing with a G-U-M Super Tip* There, There my beautiful tub. How you sparkle. I do hope you enjoy your Bon-Ami exfoliating scrub with your Orange Glo purifying freshener. Your skin is so smooth and cool. I can’t wait to see you by candle light tonight. Unless I get a new room-mate.
Mr. Shower I have found Scrubbing Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner for you. When I’m gone it will help keep you clean. You know I scrub you after my shower but no one else does. I just don’t know what will happen to my darling bathroom when I’m gone. *funny lip movements*
*Walking out the door and turning around * See you later my darling!

"Oh, Jonny Boy..."
Posted by Sahara on 04-18-06 at 11:04 PM
Behind the tennis court should work very nicely. I feel that life is like a game of tennis. We spend so much of our time running back and forth across the court, trying to hit the ball, but where does it get us? Hmmm...that sounds like a good exercise for Kelly. I will just give her a bean sprout to use instead of a tennis racket, and let's just see how many balls she can hit with that. *rubs hands together in glee* I do so love to watch the housemates try to do my impossible and humiliating exercises. I get such a rush...

Oh, I hope it is time for our meeting now, Jon-Boy Mr. Murray. Thinking up these exercises gets me very turned on stimulated to talk about the show.

*pulls out tennis racket--in place of the mesh is a mirror*

*gazes in mirror adoringly*

*practices several variations of permament sneer tight smile and tries to wiggle eyebrows*

*tries to practice sexy tennis swing with racket while still watching self in mirror*

*trips, falls, and winds up enmeshed in the tennis net*

*hears neighbor snickering from garden*

Nobody laughs at the great and lovable Rhonda. Jim, after you're done filming here, could you go snoop around over there? I do believe we could have much fun with a nice grill like that one over there. We could always use more vehicles in which to burn things. I am sure the ladies will love a taste of grilled bean sprouts.

*manages to free self from tennis net*

*another long adoring look glance in mirror as she arranges face in gruesome semblance of a carefree smile*

Okay, Jonny, I am ready whenever you are. Right now the score is love-love! *giggle*


Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.

"RE: Oh, Jonny Boy..."
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-19-06 at 08:27 AM
I must say that skirt shows off your figure quite nicely.

Well, thanks to Bic (pp) I have the shave of John McEnroe. But I still have the serve . . . of Jonny Murray.


But? You haven't seen my passing shot yet.

"Daily Shooting Schedule"
Posted by kircon on 04-19-06 at 04:54 PM
*Walking into the kitchen and glancing at the shooting schedule*

9 am-Large group with LC’s (info on new HG)
10am- Miss Kelly- Tennis Court- Rhonda,
2pm- Miss Kelly answers FRONT DOOR for NEW ROOMMATE: Niambi

*turning away* not seeing rest of schedule:

9pm-Miss Kelly turns over BATHROOM to Miss Jodi
9:15- 10:30- Shots of Miss Jodi in tub being good to herself

BACON! BACON! I NEED BACON! *standing at stove* I don’t half to wait for Jodi, she’s off for some TLC with IV.

Now is a good time to put little miss kim’s sweater in the wash with her other clothes. She will never know I used it to scrub my darling bathroom clean the other night.

*Runs upstairs to grab sweater hidden in the plunger stand* hehe hehe hehe!

"RE: Daily Shooting Schedule"
Posted by BlowingOver on 04-21-06 at 07:32 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-21-06 AT 07:34 PM (EST)


Goodbye, Kelly.

I hope you notice I invited you to sit beside me at your graduation. I like lime green.

I show no prejudice toward strippers. Or Merry Maids. Or both together. Ooo, baby.

"Life Coach Tip of the Week"
Posted by Sahara on 04-19-06 at 04:14 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-19-06 AT 10:06 PM (EST)

*arranges plastic sneer into almost lifelike smile mixed with look of concern*

What you look like in the mirror does not really matter. The only true beauty comes from within and loving yourself. To come to this point, you must be able to release all of your past opinions and memories of what brought you to this point of low self-esteem and open up to the possibility that you are indeed a lovable person. Once you believe it, others will also.

*camera off*

Oh, Cindy, honey, please bring me that mirror! These hot lights are making my face begin to melt again. And Shirley, please place a call to Dr. VantToLookJung. This is an EMERGENCY! As I was obsessing about checking my last-minute touches before that shot, I noticed a small wrinkle beginning to appear right beneath my left jawline. Tell him that I think I may be ready to begin those hair transplants to give me a fuller head of hair. And please schedule a three-hour session with make-up, as I have a date tonight.

*gazes into mirror*

I love me, I love me, I love me.....


Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.

"RE: Life Coach Tip of the Week"
Posted by Sahara on 04-19-06 at 04:21 PM
Don't worry, Mr. Murray, I should have mentioned that the date is with the head honcho of Acme Mirror Company. This is strictly for product placement issues, no need to worry on your part about our..ummm...private negotiation sessions.

You are still my number one....I mean, number two, because I am my number one, of course.


Be fearless, but be fearful of ME.

"about the bean sprout diet..."
Posted by catmama on 04-20-06 at 04:16 AM
i think a little bit of jodi's "good to herself" time is still in mr. tub. my, the fluids that go 'round in here. not since the lovely xxxtina has there been such an assortment of goos and globs.
anywho, jon-boy, mr. murray, grand poobah, you have GOT to do something about the bean sprout diet! the smell left behind from kim and toadi, it's turning my grout green! and, mixed with kim's various spirits and eggs, egads, i'm sweating here. and, since i predict she either won't graduate, forcing the lc's to send her to l. ron hubbard's folks, or she will just wind up all alone in the house after everyone else is gone, oh my, it hurts to think about. i simply won't allow that- i'll have mr. stove burn this mutha' down!
my kelly, you are leaving soon, and i know that means that dreadful lush will somehow con niambi into giving me up. although, she seems a bit strange, she fell asleep in mr. tub the other day. ssh! she snores! tee hee. you will visit, won't you? i doubt any of these others can scrub the way you do. and with kim and jodi left without your strict, watchful eye, i know i'm going to need all the cleaning i can get. je t'aime, mon cher. and bon ami
"The New HG"
Posted by kircon on 04-20-06 at 03:41 PM
2:00pm I’m waiting in the kitchen for our new roommate.

2:15pm *fry up some bacon*

2:30pm *check front door*

2:33pm *flip through magazine*

DING DONG

*glancing at clock* 3:26pm

*Walking to door remembering what the Disgruntled Editor wrote for her to say*

*Opens door* Hello, I’m your roommate, Kelly. Your name is?

Let me show you around. This is your bathroom.

Mumbling under breath, I don’t want to share my darling bathroom.

We’ll get you unpacked after group.

*Walking out of bathroom, turning back* I’m sorry my darling bathroom, I’m just saying what they write for me. I love you and don’t want to share you.

"RE: The New HG"
Posted by catmama on 04-20-06 at 07:53 PM
nooo! i can already tell- she's a simple green user! no, this is just unacceptable! i won't have it! maybe it's time mr. door "jammed" indefinitely, hehe. and, so help me, if i hear the word "delicious" one more time... well, i'm not responsible for what mr. door does, but if her head happens to get caught in the crossfire, i'm just sayin' is all....totally not responsible.
my kelly, we'll find a way around this! even if it means poltergeist activity, wink wink, i know how to go all amityville on unwitting producers. yessssss....i do.....

ok, i might tolerate niambi, but if that snooty antonia touches even ONE of my knobs, it's on! only one princess in my world!
"I am Here!"
Posted by kircon on 04-20-06 at 03:51 PM
DING DONG

*Hello my name is ****.

I am Niambi. You may all kiss my hand. I’m a runner, pro that is.

***Confessional*** I will have all these old hags eating out of my hand. Wow, what a bathroom. I must request a 10:00 am wake up call. I must call my agent, beautician, nail lady, and who else. Now I’m here, I can really make myself beautiful. Don’t you love my eye brows?***

What did you say, we have group, I have to go.

"Kelly's Graduation"
Posted by alaholly on 04-20-06 at 10:22 PM
<speaking at the podium at Kelly's graduation>

...and so even though I've only known you a few days, I want to thank you SO MUCH for letting me use your credit cards on line last night. What? You didn't? Back off, chick! I'll pay you back, maybe, no really I will...hey don't look so mad! Calm down b!tch!! Help, IYANLA!!!

<Housemate yells, "RUN! She's got a weapon!">

<Kelly takes off after Antonia swinging toilet brush at her>

"RE: Kelly's Graduation"
Posted by BlowingOver on 04-21-06 at 04:57 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-21-06 AT 05:00 PM (EST)


::cowers::

::hides behind sofa::

::dials Jon Murray::

(whispers) Jon . . . please don't let her hurt me.

"RE: Kelly's Graduation"
Posted by alaholly on 04-22-06 at 10:31 AM
<Antonia hiding from Kelly behind the couch>

Oh Hi Dr. Stan. What are you doing back here? Hey you know you're kinda cute and you have very BIG hands. Say...what kind of car do you drive? I bet you make lots of money in your profession huh?

<Scoots a little closer to Dr. S>


"RE: Kelly's Graduation"
Posted by kircon on 04-23-06 at 03:23 AM
*swinging brush wildly in the air*

I'll get you my pretty. I don't know what's going on here. One day I'm scrubbing toilets, the next I'm graduating. They're giving me cleaning service for a year.

*wierd lip movements*mumbling to herself*great*wierd lip movements*now I'll have to clean before the cleaners come*

DR. STAAAAAN, You asked me to sit by you, I'll meet you in my darling bathroom. Now where is that new HG?

Hey New Girl, either one of you, Christie was 'spose to go. I guess they wanted her for the tubbie show. Muuhahahahaha! The teletubbies show.

Hey, one more thing, Kim is the innocent one? Yeah right! I will be proven right. She'll be here for the next two seasons.

*droping the toilet brush* straightening her dress* flipping her hair into place* turning around*

*catching Dr. Stans eye* mouthing the words*

See you later in my bathroom, I need the code.


"RE: Kelly's Graduation"
Posted by trikelady on 04-24-06 at 11:57 AM
kelly...Darling...GUESS YOU WERE WRONG AGAIN!!!!!!!!HA!

"RE: Kelly's Graduation"
Posted by kircon on 04-24-06 at 01:19 PM
*picking up the brush again* *wierd lip movements* *pointing toilet brush at Kim*

The only reason Kimmmie dear, is that they realize you are a lost cause. Why waste money on you anymore.
And by the way your little fling with the Great Mr. Jon, is his way of keeping you quiet.

Mark my word Kim. You have not started over like me. Once the cameras are off you. BAM! Have a good life prissy missy Kimmmie.

*droping brush* *wierd lip movements* I must get control of these. *smoothing dress and hair*

"RE: I am Here!"
Posted by JavaT on 04-21-06 at 02:47 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-21-06 AT 04:48 PM (EST)

Oh, Niambi, I certainly do love your eyebrows! They look awfully familiar... what was your voltage, by the way? It only took about 2000 volts for me, just like they use for Ol' Sparky. But it did take two tries.

Anyway.

"RE: I am Here!"
Posted by JavaT on 04-21-06 at 05:40 PM
Wait a minute... could it be? No... but really... you know, the more I think about it... the resemblance is uncanny!

SIS! Is that you? Your hair's a little different now but those eyebrows? It's gotta be! Howyadoin', girlfriend? Hey, remember my little Andy? Well, she's all grown up now, and she's a big old loser working for a TV show as a Botoxed, eyebrow-plucking, fashion-star wannabe a fashion consultant, of all things. Oh yeah, that's the same Andy who spent all her time in the Chubettes department of Gimbels, eyeing the big-girl thongs and biding her time 'til I let her join Weight Watchers.

And me, well, you know I sort of, uh, went into hiding, shall we say, not too long after the demise of my ill-fated marriage to that big old klutz you probably remember. Guy was a real monster -- ha! I made a funny! Anyway, let's just say I'm starting over, too. Been dating a doctor, can you believe it?! His name is Vantie... sigh...


"RE: I am Here!"
Posted by kircon on 04-23-06 at 03:39 AM
My eyebrows are natural. Don't you just love them. Mama told me my father was a Vulcan. Your's are nice too. You also look familiar. Were you at any of my professional track meets. Maybe you saw my picture at my Daddy's store.

"Ach, Fraulein Bridey..."
Posted by Sahara on 04-23-06 at 05:45 PM
I am zo zorry I haz been zo buzy. I haz been tryink to get Fraulein Rhonda ready for the zwimzuit competition, und it iz a big job. Right now, your Fraulein Andi haz taken her to look for a zwimzuit und a beautiful drezz for die Emmiez, zo thoze two are not in our hair. *znort znort* I made a leetle joke, didn't I? They are not in our faze right now, either, no? *ha ha* I do crack myzelf up zometimez.

I haz been thinkink very hard about the ztunning pozzibilities for your forehead. Vat do you think about theze dezigns?

If you like die firzt one, ve can put die veb all die vay acrozz if you like, and die zpider can be on your cute leetle noze. Die zecond one can be turned zo that die top of die triangle iz at die top of your lovely forehead. I am getting zo exzited...ve can egzperiment all ve vant!

Let'z get together tonight to egzperiment, okie dokie? Ve can zpin our own little Love Veb...*tee hee*

Affectionately,

Your Vantie



"RE: Ach, Fraulein Bridey..."
Posted by JavaT on 04-23-06 at 10:03 PM
Oooh la la, Big Boy! You're as funny as you are good-looking, and clever, too! You are so much more interesting than that Dr. Frank guy I used to know.

Oh, I just adore both designs! And your -- hee hee -- placement ideas are great. Only... maybe we can turn the second one so that die top of die triangle iz at die top of my lovely navel, whaddya think about that?! Wuhoo!

See ya at my place at the usual time tonight, huh babe? And right, I'm glad RhonDog and Pointy-Nose are out of the picture for now, too. Sheesh, if I could only think of how we could keep it that way... got any ideas, cutie-pie?

Fondly,

Bridey

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by BlowingOver on 04-24-06 at 06:49 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-24-06 AT 06:51 PM (EST)

(reads memo aloud from Jon)

Stan --- Neilsen says we need Man Tears for Next Graduation. Get ready. J.

::scrunches up face::

Nothing.

::puts on "Ice Castles" soundtrack::

::sniffle::

::extended pause::

::cracking sob-like utterances::

Jon, you can count on me.


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 11"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-24-06 at 08:26 PM
Here, Stan. Our latest Nielsens.


If THAT doesn't make you cry, I don't know what will.