(for shakes...yeah, it was the clowns idea. I admit it.)

From the home office in Wahooooo, Nebraska. I've got a little something here we like to call the TopTen list. Tonight's topic, TopTen "Real" Reasons that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9.

Paul: Episode 9?

Dave: Yeah, I don't know what the hell it means either. I'm assuming it's the 8th sequel to that Star Wars Episode 1 movie but I have no idea.

Paul: Ohhh... Jar Jar! He's hilarious!

Dave: Yeah... let's get this over with, shall we? TopTen "Real" Reasons that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9, heeeeeeeeeeeeere we go...

Number

10. Floppy retina's finally fell out.

Number

9. Still doubled over with laughter from Who's Awake 3.

Number

8. The episode is in the can! She's just waiting for somebody to fish it out and dry it off.

Number

7. Skierdude isn't finished proof-reading it yet.

Number

6. Keeps asking herself, "Without Superman, is there really a story left to tell?"

Number

5. Just found out about the whole Milli Vanilli faking their songs thing and is now in deep, deep depression.

Number

4. Hooked up with some congressman named Conduit, haven't heard from her in a while.

Number

3. Can't get over the fact that "Outfrontgirlsvivor" just sounds so damn silly.

Number

2. Two week "victory dance" for becoming the first author to write two episodes, still in progress.

and the number one "Real" Reason that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9...........

1. She's been infected with a virus, and I ain't talking about her computer.

• RE: TopTen "Real" Reasons that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9...........,VampKira, 04:13 AM, 07-26-01
• RE: TopTen "Real" Reasons that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9...........,ItzLisa, 06:57 AM, 07-26-01
• Great list!,AyatollahKhomeini, 09:43 AM, 07-26-01
• RE: TopTen "Real" Reasons that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9...........,mistofleas, 10:56 AM, 07-26-01
• RE: TopTen "Real" Reasons that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9...........,Survivorchick, 01:21 PM, 07-26-01
• RE: TopTen "Real" Reasons that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9...........,dangerkitty, 04:20 PM, 07-26-01
• RE: TopTen "Real" Reasons that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9...........,George Tirebiter, 05:41 PM, 07-26-01
• More potential delay reasons for E9...,AyatollahKhomeini, 09:36 PM, 07-26-01
  • RE: More potential delay reasons for E9...,VampKira, 09:43 PM, 07-26-01
  • RE: More potential delay reasons for E9...,ItzLisa, 10:27 PM, 07-26-01
  • RE: More potential delay reasons for E9...,janisella, 09:52 PM, 07-27-01
• RE: TopTen "Real" Reasons that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9...........,Outfrontgirl, 11:52 PM, 07-26-01
  • RE: TopTen "Real" Reasons that OFG Hasn't Posted Episode 9...........,PepeLePew13, 00:03 AM, 07-27-01
  • Semi-Serious Answers to Not-So-Serious Points,AyatollahKhomeini, 00:48 AM, 07-27-01
    • RE: Semi-Serious Answers to Not-So-Serious Points,George Tirebiter, 01:08 AM, 07-27-01
    • RE: Semi-Serious Answers to Not-So-Serious Points,Outfrontgirl, 01:12 AM, 07-27-01
  • OFG!,Superman, 06:08 AM, 07-27-01
    • RE: OFG!,VampKira, 07:13 AM, 07-27-01
    • RE: Superman!,Outfrontgirl, 09:32 AM, 07-27-01
      • RE: Superman!,George Tirebiter, 08:36 PM, 07-27-01

ROTFLMAO!!

Oh my!! welcome home Superman!! *sigh*

>>7. Skierdude isn't finished proof-reading it yet.<<

Tee hee!

>>6. Keeps asking herself, "Without Superman, is there really a story left to tell?"<<

One word: NOPE!

>>1. She's been infected with a virus, and I ain't talking about her computer.<<

OMG! <click>

Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska

LAST EDITED ON 07-26-01 AT 06:58 AM (EST)

Supe!!! You're back! And he comes bearing gifties - YAAAAY!!!!

>Paul: Ohhh... Jar Jar! He's hilarious!
*** Eeeecccch!!! No he's frickin' NOT!!! (LOL!) (I knew Chewbacca, Chewbacca was a friend of mine, and YOU, Sir, are no Chewbacca! And Ebuggy knows Chewbacca too - they're neighbors apparently! She hates when he sunbathes nude!)

>4. Hooked up with some congressman named Conduit, haven't heard from her in a while.
***OUCH!!! (Nor will they, more than likely!)

>Number 3. Can't get over the fact that "Outfrontgirlsvivor" just sounds so damn silly.
*** No sillier than "ItzLisasvivor"!

*** OFG's computer - GET WELL SOON - We miss her! Great job as always, Supe!

****************************************

Thanks, Supe! We needed this list. And thanks to shakes for the idea!

Missed you oh blue tighted one! Great list, but now I can't get the image of OFG standing in front of her toilet looking distressed!

Welcome home superguy!

mistofleas

Super funny man! You've done it again. ROFLMAO!!

Survivorchick

Oh, Supe, this is really, really funny. I love this list!! Each and every one is terrific!!! Now I've got that laugh-tummy, you know, where it feels like the laughs are always on the verge of burbling up. LMAO!!!!!!

"Whatever charm school you went to, you should demand a full refund."
-a guy at my dojo, after I offered to kick his butt during sparring (he thought it wasn't very 'ladylike').

ROFLMAO!! Every number a hit, every hit a number. (or something like that. . .)

But--OMG! I haven't heard from her in over a day!

GT
(who's running off to call her congressman RIGHT AWAY!--noooo. . . THAT won't help--those guys stick together! I'll call the newspaper--that's the ticket. Don't worry, OFG! We'll find someone to track you down--even if we have to wait for sleeeve to return!)

11. Staged competition among potential ghostwriters -- Dubya and two monkeys sitting in front of typewriters; hasn't been able to select a winner due to similarity of entries.

12. Destroyed episode during acid flashback while screaming, "Ants! I can feel them crawling all over my body!"

13. Used episode in a toilet paper challenge against ScotTissue; the episode won.

14. Waiting to see if Spielberg picks up the option for the movie rights.

15. Wanted to win the "lateness" competition against E7.5 ("Midway").

OMG! <click>
AK!! You made me eyes bleed again!!! ROTF!

You are on a ROLL tonight!! What ever you're on, can I have some? LOL!!!!

Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska

>11. Staged competition among potential ghostwriters -- Dubya and two monkeys sitting in front of typewriters; hasn't been able to select a winner due to similarity of entries.

*** Woo Hoo!!! Someone's a Democrat (or not from the Land Of Dalton!)

****************************************

16. Janisella's obsession with the fish being red herring messed with her head.

ROFLMAO
So I leave the boards to take care of business, feeling guilty yet absolved due to supportive messages, and I come back to this?

Supe, my two faves have to be:
8. The episode is in the can! She's just waiting for somebody to fish it out and dry it off.
7. Skierdude isn't finished proof-reading it yet.

And then AK, you come and add to this hilarity? Can't copy yours because I don't have it in front of me but they were great.

It is not done tonight. I couldn't work on it today because I had to take car into body shop and get repaired from real auto accident that involved nobody's sister. Scheduled the work due to thinking #9 would be done Monday. Scheduled stupid Dr. appts this week for same bad reasoning, but since it takes a month to get them couldn't reschedule. Had virus scare yesterday.

It has to get done tomorrow, because Saturday I have a commitment I can't get out of, the one I was supposed to prep for tomorrow...I so want to get it done now!

10 More good reasons and then back to work:
--------------------------------------------------
10.Too busy posting international potty tales on incredibly important thread on OT

9. In despair because by writing two episodes people thought I had the hubris to think I could do as good as Shakes.

8. Spent last night reading Shakes' old summaries desperately seeking ideas and was so entranced have been reading archived posts by the clown non-stop ever since.

7. Have no decent material because everyone with a personality has already been kicked off this show (thanks Shakes and Supe)

6. Wrote the whole thing on single ply toilet paper and SnoopySucks dragged it all over the house.

5. Green checks ate my final draft.

4. Had to fly to Mexico to smash virus-infected computer because some things can't be delegated.

3. Detained at Mexican border because helpfully carried old lady across into USA and her bra was stuffed with cocaine.

2. Am now afraid to publish what I've written or RudyRules will come with Rudy B. and his SEAL pals and terminate me.

1. And the #1 reason I haven't finished Episode 9:

!!!!!!!! PMS !!!!!!!!

>1. And the #1 reason
>I haven't finished Episode 9:
>
>!!!!!!!! PMS !!!!!!!!

lol OFG... Hey... PMS is good for keeping you on the edge, just what you need to come up with the dark humour, biting sarcasm and bitter outlook at things that is needed to write an effective episode... so you go girl!

>9. In despair because by writing two episodes people thought I
>had the hubris to think I could do as good as Shakes.

First off, speaking as the person who assigned you two episodes, I would like to make dabo's point: this isn't an exercise in summary writing! In a summary, most of your readers have seen the episode. Sarcasm and wit are used to express your mutual disdain for the show you've already seen. shakes is masterful at this.

Unsurprisingly, BV (when done well) requires different skills -- think of it as shakes mixed with Mark Burnett. The wit is still needed, but plotting and balancing a story line are more important.

>8. Spent last night reading Shakes' old summaries desperately
>seeking ideas and was so entranced have been reading archived
>posts by the clown non-stop ever since.

See previous discussion. I'm very much looking forward to E11 because I want to see how not shakes, who after all is not shakes, does at this balancing act.

>7. Have no decent material because everyone with a personality
>has already been kicked off this show (thanks Shakes and Supe)

To those of you who didn't follow S1 (and even to some of you who did) ... I'm thinking of a contestant on S1 who had NO personality at all at the end of E8, but was the dominant figure in the next three episodes. Know who I mean? A hint: her picture is looking down on us from the top right of the screen.

In lots of ways, the closest thing to Jerri in S1 was Greg. While Greg was still on the show, MB presented Colleen as his Amber. When he got booted, though, MB showed us Colleen's full personality ... and she became "America's Survivor Sweetheart."

Everyone who is left on BV has a personality. The challenge for the writer is to find each person's Colleen and Gervase traits while ignoring his or her Amber and Nick traits. That's what makes this fun!

>5. Green checks ate my final draft.

ROFL! I was going to have this in my list: 16. Two words: Green checks, but I was worried that some things shouldn't be joked about. Thanks for breaking that taboo.

>2. Am now afraid to publish what I've written or RudyRules
>will come with Rudy B. and his SEAL pals and terminate me.

Kelly survived voting off Rudy; so would you (if that's what you did).

>1. And the #1 reason I haven't finished Episode 9:
>
>!!!!!!!! PMS !!!!!!!!

This sounds like a line that should have been in Airplane!:
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up taking Midol."

I thought Outfront's TTL was the final word in hilarity here--until I read your Airplane! line: "Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up taking Midol."

ROFL! If you tell me that you're wearing two pair of sunglasses (could beeee, with that retina problem!), I may die laughing this very night. . .

GT

AyaK, your semi-serious points are well taken.
These are also different to write because in a summary when it says I'm skipping over all the blah-blah-blah there was a real episode and people can remember what was skipped. Here, if you want it to have happened, you have to write it down...not at great length, but a lot of little things have to get addressed and it takes time.

The personality thing: I thanked Shakes because I lifted it directly from his S2 summary where he complains about that after Jerri, Alicia, and Jeff have all bitten it and he enumerates why each contestant is completely uninteresting (in a very entertaining way of course). Supe I believe made the same point in his list.

Lastly,
>2. Am now afraid to publish what I've written or RudyRules
>will come with Rudy B. and his SEAL pals and terminate me.

Kelly survived voting off Rudy; so would you (if that's what you did).

If you check T's thread on Baba WaWa, you will see that RR has posted that threat against anyone who keeps SS away from him...
Mind you, not telling, just a joke list, ha ha...

Midol! Why didn't I think of that?

Awww... sorry kiddo. Didn't mean to kick you while you were down. Hee heee.. Ok maybe I did a little. *giggle*

Let me make you a peace offering. I'm perfectly willing to help you out with this Episode if need be. Not trying to steal your thunder or anything, but sounds like you're in a bit of a jam. And I hate the thought of you sitting there with your retinas falling all over your keyboard. *sigh*

Again, this is worst case scenario, but if you need me just send what you have, ok?

Alas... Chivalry is not dead....

*sigh*

Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska

Superman,
I loved your TTL. That was really a cool thing to find when I got back to the boards, my own TTL. So you have to be late and irresponsible to get a TTL? I've arrived.

I just put up Part 1, which I wrote last night this morning...
The hardest part is to get into the mood of it, and was to deal with those losers in the shape that GT left them, so I think I can go ahead now. Hope it's not too stupid--I was in some other zone for sure when I wrote it...

I just wanted to get something up and running... I appreciate your offer to help so much, but I would like to try and finish it unless of course those who read part 1 vote that I don't continue...

Monkeyboy will figure in Day 2, as shown in the preview...

>unless of course those who read part 1 vote that I don't continue...
Ugh! A fishing expedition for compliments if I ever saw one!

Not only does she need no help, people, I have FedExed her some medical-quality superglue, and those retinas are now firmly ensconced where they belong. Let's hear no further silliness about them! I have it on good authority that the episode is well underway!

GT