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Original Message
"Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 03-27-06 at 04:47 PM
WEEKLY NOTES TO PRODUCTION STAFF

From: Jon

That fight between Kim and Kelly? Spectacular! I bet that gets those no-lifers folks on the Internet boards talking! Talk about conflama! So why did we have them make up so quickly?

The DAWs ladies have been arguing about bathrooms. Can we just have one? Talk about tension in the house!

The fire drill bit? Why did nobody stop, drop, or roll? (Oh, that's right, many of them HAVE rolls.) At any rate, I'm sure to get a call from Richard Van Lesbian Dick Van Dyke.

And NEVER have Lisa2 jump in the pool like that again. Nor Jodi, either. Christie, meh. I know this has become thisclose to The Real World, but if I want soaked women worth seeing, I know where to get them. BTW, David Hasselhoff wanted too much to serve as the special guest cabana boy lifeguard. Liability insurance is a bear in this state!

And do apologize to the neighbor for the ensuing walls of water that ruined hir begonias.

A string bead front door will not do. Just go to Home Despot and be done with it. Take the money out of the budget for The Simple Life petty cash.

What if we told Cassie that her son is a former member of Hanson?

Check the mileage against the car's fleece lease. I have an AMC Pacer on standby if necessary.

Finally, can we send Iyanla away for another couple weeks? I need to make some more whoopee consultations with Rhonda.


Oh, tell Andy to stop by. I need clothes . . . for a 70s party.

ADMINISTRIVIA:

To repeat, THE ONE CHARACTER TO A CUSTOMER RULE IS WAIVED. If you'd like to play someone else who is not being played in addition to your character, let me know in the signup thread.

HG-wise, we need a Cassie, a Melinda, and a Jessica, for three. Perhaps also a Kelly (otherwise, come out, come out, wherever you are!). We could also use a Universe.

Remember to use your sigs, or at least sign off as your characters.

If you want to join in as a RECURRING character, please sign up in the signup thread before posting. That's where you'll find your sigs also.

Remember, if you're unable to post as your character for a time, just send me a note to that effect. Otherwise, I can only assume you're uninterested, which isn't fair to someone who might want to play. (TJ and Jodi are still around, but have to post less frequently.)

Inanimate objects who wish to change to unclaimed HGs may do so in the signup thread. But we welcome new ones of those too (and they've been hilarious!).

Do NOT post as a character that's been claimed. Thanks.

You can post as ad hoc, one-time characters WITHOUT signing up. If you intend to reuse your character, please do sign up . . . thanks!

And HAVE FUN!

Non-players: THIS IS NOT A DISCUSSION THREAD. Discussion-type posts may be removed. BUT . . . You may address or ask questions of the role-players as their characters.

E-mail or PM me with any problems.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by mbinkc on 03-27-06 at 06:53 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-27-06 AT 06:55 PM (EST)

Sorry I been away so long, gots so much on my mind
Wanted to drop in on you HG's and speak some truth I did find.

I be's watchin you girls gettin' all mean an catty
Yous need to lighten up a bit, 'specially you Toadie fatty.

Oh Lisa2, whatsa matta wit you, you gave in once again
IV says "Jump", and you says "OK, when?"

Christie, I thinks you be brave to go an meet jo mama
You done real good with dat, not any conflama drama.

An Kim, I jus can't understand this bathroom fix you got
Stop slammin' doors and lighten up an pee in yo own damn pot!

Kelly, honey, you do scare me, like when you fixin' yo lunch
If Kim don't listen to what you say, you take her out in a punch

Cassie, dear lassie, why you come back fo more?
I think you can get what you want without dat house, fo shore.

Iguana, I didn't miss you a bit when you was on vacation
I jus' hope you wasn't castin' spells and mixing new libations.

Dearest Rhonda, I have a crush on you dat I secretly hafta admit
You n' me doin' our own talk show, you know dat'd be a hit!

Dr. Stan I idolize yo genius and edumecation
Keep doin' what you do and dat purple jacket, a sensation!

Don't let Mr. Murray know dat Rhonda now loves me
We's gonna go out on our own, we's be a success...
Ms. Rhonda & Poetri!!


Jus' rhyme yo' way thru the day an' you be okay.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by snowflake2 on 03-27-06 at 08:01 PM
Uhhhhhh, okay, so what’s this all about?

(Graphic by Ingenue1983, AKA Disgruntled Editor)


How you gettin’ photographs of me in my new apartment, B!tch? And Saks could never prove anything…they gotta catch you with the stolen merchandise on you and that’s where this baby comes in handy. (lovingly pats handlebars of Hoverround, the tires of which are looking mighty low from carrying all that weight.)

You must have been that editor responsible for makin’ me look overweight. Cause, uhh, okay, listen, I’m not fat. It was all unflattering camera angles. I know I’m thinner than Jodi and Christie, and Iyanla too. I mean, uhhhhh, you know, you heard Iyanla say it herself…I smashed the stereotype of the overweight, sick, loud woman of color.

Speaking of Iyanla, girl, why aren’t you, uhhhh, you know, answering my phone calls? ’Cause I gotta tell you, working three hours a week is really tiring me out. And the owner of my apartment keeps askin’ for RENT. Fool doesn’t even know you don’t ask STARS for money. Iyanla, when is the money gonna start rollin’ in, now that I’m really really really famous? I know you get famous before you get rich, but can you give me an idea how long I gotta wait? 'Cause if I don't get money soon, I'm gonna have to call Jon Murray & offer to come back, put on my bikini, and jump in that pool to get him some ratings.

In the meantime, Iyanla, you got any rich friends who have dogs? ’Cause as you know, I’m uhhhhhh, you know, selling DOG FASHIONS on my website. Here are a couple of examples of my fashion design. You know any rich people who would pay me a lot of money for these?



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by Ijustsharted on 03-27-06 at 09:31 PM
You guys just wait until tomarrow to see all of my progress!!!



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 03-27-06 at 11:47 PM
And . . . you are . . . ? (/David Spade)

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by justfionablue on 03-28-06 at 01:02 AM
*neighbor mucking around back yard in rubber boots*

Damn. First the clogged pool drain that backed up all the plumbing...no idea how those speedos got in there...and now all this flooding from next door. I better be getting a very large check from Mr. Murray this month. Come to think of it, last month's check was a bit late...and a little short. Hmmmmm.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by BlowingOver on 03-29-06 at 09:16 AM
LAST EDITED ON 03-29-06 AT 09:19 AM (EST)


I find Jill's cupcake outfit very moving. I sense she is making real progress with her life. A star shines brightly.

: : dabs eyes with Karl's Jr. napkin : :

: : orders pimp hat for each member of family in purple tiger velvet: :

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-28-06 at 01:36 AM
The Front Door

Dr. Stan commiserating with Kelly about her obsession with the bathroom.

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Set/4159/dadsays.wav

And a few hours later:
Kim to Kelly on their way to the car for their coffee date.

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Set/4159/POPOO.WAV

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by JavaT on 03-28-06 at 08:26 AM
...did somebody call my name?


NO no-hassle rewards for DAWs...

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by Ijustsharted on 03-28-06 at 05:23 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-28-06 AT 05:24 PM (EST)

Well what did you guys think of my dinner party? Wasnt my bedroom just gorgeous!!!! And how about my non matching lawn chairs I used for my guests to sit in? Wasnt it just perfect!! I was soo suprised to see Rhonda at my door. I really wasnt expecting her.....*wink wink*


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by justfionablue on 03-28-06 at 05:52 PM

Oh great. Now my lawn chairs are missing...


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by trikelady on 03-28-06 at 09:10 PM
I don't really want to know what the heck Kelly is doing in the bathroom all the damn time. REALLY!!!! I will be closing my eyes when I walk into her bathroom after the agreed upon 15 minutes and please don't let me see anything I don't need to! It's bad enough I have to look at her ugly puss. Well time to go finish burning what's left of the front door. Oh and by the way those were Lisa 2's undies that clogged the pool. Ask Buddah he'll tell ya.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-29-06 at 02:55 AM
The Front Door

Kim sent Kelly a telegram and this is what happened.

http://161.58.5.90/clue/telegram.wav

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-29-06 at 02:56 AM
The Front Door

Overheard this from Dr. Stan after a long day with Kim.

http://161.58.5.90/clue/wife.wav

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-29-06 at 03:02 AM
The Front Door

Iyanla was NOT happy with the ladies today - especially Lisa.

http://161.58.5.90/element/itwasbad.wav

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by JavaT on 03-29-06 at 07:57 AM
LAST EDITED ON 03-29-06 AT 08:02 AM (EST)

Oh, Mr. Murray, you've got to be kidding me about needing clothes for the 70s party! Buddy, you're all set! I mean, I was going through some of my pictures and found this gem of you back in the day, so to speak. Wow! I knew Peter Max designed neckties, but entire suit jackets? What'd you have to do to get that to happen?! Wait – I don't want to know.

Anyway, if you want me to resize this little number for you, just give me a ring.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-03-06 at 10:29 AM
I think I recognize that as the wallpaper from your bathroom.


Don't ask me how I know that.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by BlowingOver on 03-29-06 at 08:58 AM
Who the hell is hoggin' the urinal in the mornings?

I NEED MY DIGNITY.

: : shaves rogue knuckle hair : :

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by JavaT on 03-30-06 at 04:50 PM
You know, I hate to seem like a goody-two shoes little snitch, but as I was measuring the men's bathroom window for a window-treatment makeover this morning, I did catch Jodi and Maureen at the urinal.

Notice I said at the urinal, not by the urinal, or in the same room as the urinal. That's all I'm saying.

There! I've zipped my lip now, and it's like I never said it at all, isn't it?!

Hey, I said "zipped!" I made a little men's bathroom joke! I'm clever, after all, and not just when it comes to clothes and eyebrows.

Ta!


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-29-06 at 01:15 PM
The Front Door

My Front Door friend at the Flirt-a-thon place reported this conversation to me when Jodi entered the room.

http://161.58.5.90/austin/beavbutt.wav

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-29-06 at 01:17 PM
The Front Door

I overheard Iyanla plotting her next group exercise.

http://161.58.5.90/austin/death.wav

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-29-06 at 01:21 PM
The Front Door

Convo overheard between Rhonda and Jon-Boy.

http://161.58.5.90/austin/yourturn.wav

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by BlowingOver on 03-29-06 at 05:43 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-29-06 AT 05:44 PM (EST)

: : picks burrowing insect from cheek stubble : :

Home from LisaToo's dinner. Yum. Clearly the anger management therapy is going well; she told me she'd been thinking about how to make Tony really hot this week.

: : sniffs sock to make sure it is OK to wear four days in a row : :

: : catches glimpse of own hangnail in mirror : :

: : swoons : :

: : looks down at wife sleeping, pulls back flannel log cabin sheets : :

"Darling, wake up. It's Wednesday. Hump day . . ."

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by lovemydogdude on 03-30-06 at 04:51 PM
Oh how I loved my experience at the S factor today! My body really is SOoo beautiful! I felt it up over and over and ya know it really is very sexy..did you all see how beautiful I was? Got me so worked up..now what do I do?..cameraman OH cameraman..what do I do with all these feelings now hehe!?

Kim told me how skinny my waist is and that I have an hour glass shape aahhhh how sweet of her to notice. I was really hoping we would get to learn to pole dance today..would have LOVED to see Lisa try to shake her booty on that pole LMAO I'm sure it would have been quite the view. On the other hand I suppose that would have definately ruined the sensual trip I had.

Wow I am so perfect nowadays..I'm getting along with Kim..I made up with my Mom..I'm not afraid of BOR..I've got it made..Rhonda already told me so! She has me booked for so many future events,..I'm even going to carry her water bottle at the 5k..I'm so special! Thank God they don't expect me to run, the treadmill's definately difficult enough for me. Rhonda told me I should start using it to complete my "perfect HG image."

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by lovemydogdude on 03-30-06 at 04:57 PM
Teehee that S factor visit was hilarious to watch! I was so hoping you would have learned to dance on the pole too Christie..teehee..would have been pretty funny..I've always wondered if the pole would collapse under such pressure. Just a warning..I think the cameraman is the one who gave me the funk..be careful!!!..he's no good!..and he NEVER returns my calls.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 03-31-06 at 00:29 AM
I am not sublime. I am not at peace. I'm a lioness with a thorn in my paw, a feral cat with the ASPCA closing in to violate my colony, I'm a...subscriber to The Animal Planet.

There is bad energy around me. Darkness, betrayal, and greed. I wanna just shake this thing off-a me, but it is stickin' like a ectoplasmic goo.

I'm not sure where the vortex of negativity is - but I'm gonna find it....oh, yessssssss. And I am sending out this bit of information - when I find out who means to do Miss Iyanla harm...well...'nuff said.

Now, you can take that information and you can agree with it, disagree with it...or just be present in the moment with it.

No, actually I don't know what the hell that means either.

Let your day be an act of faith or what-eva!!! Oh, and by the way, the walls have eyes.


*******************************************

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-31-06 at 00:51 AM
Lisa on the phone with her daughter--

Whispers -- I think Iyanla has figured out a way to hear everything we say, something about the walls having eyes. So just let me say as many Iyanlaisms as I can - don't respond because nothing will make sense anyway.

In normal voice -- So I just need to be present in the moment and stand in my truth. I'm just trying to be my authentic self so I can't let you tell me your problems anymore because they have nothing to do with my authentic self and you know I need to take back the role of parent and not burden you with what's going on between me and your dad and I need to be a great day and so I love you, okay, bye.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-31-06 at 01:02 AM
The Front Door

Iyanla muttering to herself -

http://www.wavsite.com/sounds/6502/beetle09.wav

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-31-06 at 01:11 AM
The Front Door

This overheard from Iyanla to Jodi when Jodi said she didn't get the exercise??? Let's just say she got the exercise.

http://www.pitt.edu/~schach/dgresh/lambs/liver.wav

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by trikelady on 03-31-06 at 01:59 AM
>The Front Door
>
>This overheard from Iyanla to Jodi
>when Jodi said she didn't
>get the exercise??? Let's just
>say she got the exercise.

Could have sworn I burned the front door last week...WTF?

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by sharnina on 03-31-06 at 03:28 AM
The Front Door

I live in all the doors ---You can never get rid of me - mmmwahhhhaaaaaaaaaaa

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by trikelady on 04-01-06 at 05:10 PM
Too funny Front Door...and thanks for the warning. I'll get all of you my pretties!(doors).


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by pinksparkleguitar on 03-31-06 at 04:43 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-31-06 AT 04:44 PM (EST)

The great Buddha has had a busy week, and would like to thank Dr. Vant for the fabulous pinky he gave me. It's so pretty!


However, I would like to ask Andy to stop harssing me to let her do a full makeover on me. Buddha is one fine looking man all by myself, thank you. Leave me alon or else I'll reincarnate you to something hideous like. . . .your mom!

Buddha just made a yo' mamma joke!!!

oh goodness, what has this house done to me??

Kim is right, those big panties of Lisa's were clogging the drain until someone threw them over the fence. Buddha suggests Lisa and Jodi never again become so one with the pool that they no longer need their clothes. For Buddha's sake, let's keep them on. No more skinny dipping! Buddha only liked it when the lovely Christina came out and swam and talked to Buddha . . .

Buddha would also like to humbly submit that Kelly do the following exercise. FIst she needs to pack her bags and carry them around to symbolize her extra anger management issues. Then she nedds to head out side and try to drive with all the bags obstructing her view so that she can see how she will never get where she's going while she has all of those bags. THen she can drive herself home . . .and NEVER come back!

Buddha is very frightened of her. Buddha has refused to even look in her direction or else the oure evil coming from her and the pure goodness coming from myself might cause a very strong reaction . . . .we're talking earthquakes here.

Buddha gives kisses to Rhonda, and Dr. Stan. and a shout out to poetri, and wants him to look over this song Buddha wrote, it could be a hit!!


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by trikelady on 04-01-06 at 05:25 PM
Hey Buddha...welcome back! The rose bushes and garden have missed you. We are sorry you lost your nose sniffing us so much and yes we found your pinky hanging off of a thorn and quickly gave it to Dr. Vant when we figured out what it was. When we find your nose we will return it as well. Please feel free to sniff but don't touch as you have seen what can happen. We would also like to know what we can do to stop that crazy woman Kim from cutting our heads off all the time...please help us oh wise one. Quick...everyone hide here comes that crazy woman again and she has an even larger pair of shears and basket...HEL....snip!
snip! snip! HELP! we're doomed!


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by pinksparkleguitar on 04-03-06 at 11:44 AM
Rest in peace my lovely Roses, may you bloom some more . ...and quickly before that women needs you to make more peace offereings! I shall meditate on your beauty, and help you reincarnate into some lovely flowers. I hear callalilys are lovely this time of year.



"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by BlowingOver on 03-31-06 at 11:37 PM
: : rolls out of bed : :

: : sniffs armpit of jacket to see if it can be worn 17 days in a row : :

: : sprays lining with Brut : :

: : chooses "When a Man Loves a Woman" for ringtone : :

: : buzzes through Friday's show . . . phones agent, thanks him for the No Drums/No Poetry clause in contract : :


"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by Anne18 on 04-01-06 at 08:02 PM
Good Evening! Good Evening! Good Evening! And how are you??

My name is Cassie and I'm back in the house! I missed you soooo much Rhonda!!!! HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!

Where is my son?? I WILL meet my son one day! You have to believe!

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by mbinkc on 04-02-06 at 00:53 AM
My mama jus' told me dat I's was given up for da adoption a long time ago, so I jus' bees, well, you know...umm...Cassie, are you's thinkin' what I'm thinkin?


Them two ladies an they's singin and drummin'...they ain't got nuttin on Poetri

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by Anne18 on 04-02-06 at 08:12 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-03-06 AT 06:01 AM (EST)

LOL!!!!!!!

Cassie: Well, let's see. I DO like poetry. Do you like poetry, Poetri is it?

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by BlowingOver on 04-02-06 at 10:36 PM
Grabs cell.

"Jon. Mayday! Mayday! Cassie is writing poems. No, no, I'm not kidding. Quick, DO SOMETHING before she thinks of a rhyme for "hair spray." Thanks. Love ya. Mean it."

: : shifts nervously, pulls bagel crumb from stubble, pops it in mouth : :

: : adjusts wristwatch : :

: : interlocks fingers, twiddles thumbs : :

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by Anne18 on 04-03-06 at 00:58 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-03-06 AT 06:00 AM (EST)

I wrote a poem for everyone. I hope you like it. Goes like this ....

To Andy

My bestest friend Rhonda and I had a ball
when we shopped at the mall.

Do NOT tell me what to wear.
I liked the outfit on the wall.

Do NOT put hair spray nor color my hair!
I had a breakdown in the chair!

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by JavaT on 04-03-06 at 06:18 AM
Oh, Cassie, Cassie, Cassie... you sweet little naive thing, you! Beneath your frumpy exterior lies a heart only a redneck mama could love made of gold (10-karat). However, it's our exteriors that count, you know, and yours definitely needs some work!

Your little ode to the makeover was enchanting, but honestly, dear, let's put on our big-girl panties and stop with the theatrics. You need a change, and I'm the one to make that happen, and decide how it's done.

So suck it up and move on, sister! Today, K-Mart... tomorrow, TJ Maxx! Nothing but the best for our poor little ewe who's lost her lamb... whatever.

Get a grip on contacting Sonny Boy, too, whydontcha? Good luck to you in contacting your son.

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by JavaT on 04-03-06 at 06:48 AM
Mom? Is that you?

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 04-03-06 at 10:26 AM
Get him outta here. He's C-list, and my budget dictates I don't go anything above D.


(That? Was funny.)

"RE: Be The Houseguest Roleplay Thread - Week 8"
Posted by pinksparkleguitar on 04-03-06 at 11:38 AM
Buddha LOVES Danny Bonaduce! Can we meditate together next time you are craving a forty?

(made props to you, JavaT, I spit coke out of my nose on that one!!)