LAST EDITED ON 11-10-05 AT 05:13 PM (EST)

Fear and Loathing in…

Phoenix!!!

.

Or…Welcome to Wally’s World!!!

Previously on The Amazing Race: Poor, brave, little Carissa Gaghan, the youngest amazing racer ever, and her family were eliminated. WAH!

Leaving the mat: The Paolo Family, being the first to arrive on the previous leg, will depart first at 7:27 am. The Linz family leave 1 minute later and the Bransen family go off 1 minute after that!

The clue says the teams must go to Playa Maracas and swim out to a bouy to receive their next clue. Nick Linz and Wally Bransen have no trouble at all and read the clue back on shore with their families. It tells them to take a taxi to “La Iglesia de Metal” in Grecia where they must find an altar boy, who will hand them their next clue. For those of you at home who were wondering and do not know Spanish, “La Iglesia de Metal” means THE METAL CHURCH!

Tony Paolo has a rough time getting back to shore and calls for help from the rescuers. They give him a life jacket and he’s on his way! The three teams bunch up at some pay phones when leaving to call for the taxis. They get in their taxis and they are on their way to a 2.5 hour ride! OK everyone, no potty breaks this time!

The Godlewskis leave the mat at 8:32 am and the Weavers, who are last to depart, leave at 9 am. Sharon, wearing what I think is Carissa's little pink swimsuit (Just how many pink items of clothing did these ladies bring?), gets the clue and the sistahs are on their way, then Rolly does the same for the Weavers, although he was not wearing a little pink swimsuit at the time.

The Detour: The teams arrive at La Iglesia de Metal (you know, the Metal Church) just in time for a funeral! The clue from the alter boy says that next it’s a detour. The teams need to choose between “barrel” or “brush”.

In “barrel” teams must travel 10 miles to load up a bundle of sugar cane sticks onto a tractor, then transport the bundle 6 miles to a warehouse and search for the next clue in a bunch of wine barrels. The Paolos arrive with the Linzes right on their tails. Both of these teams choose the barrel task. These two teams easily manage to load up the sticks and take their tractor ride to the barrel warehouse to get their next clue. The clue tells the teams they must fly to Phoenix, Arizona and get themselves to the Bondurant Superkart School. The Linzes are off to the airport. The Paolos get their clue and Marion says, “What the hell are we going to Phoenix, Arizona for? I want to go to New Zealand!” Now that? Was funny! These teams probably figured they weren’t going back to the states this soon!

(We interrupt this detour to bring you our special election day coverage… At this time, we are predicting the winner in the NYC mayoral race as Mayor Bloomberg, yes that’s right, with 36% of precinct reporting in at this time, we can say for sure, that Bloomberg will be the mayor again! Huh? 36% is only about 1/3 of precincts, I’ve always wondered how those news folks can make those predictions with what seems to me to be not a majority of votes yet counted. *scratches head*)

Back to the show!

In “brush” the teams will travel 10 miles to an ox cart factory and paint a copy of a design onto an ox cart wheel. Was I the only one who got a flashback to Colin screaming, “My ox is broken!” when the ox was shown on the screen? Anyway, the Bransens choose brush and proceed to get lost on the way, due to a bad taxi driver. They pass La Iglesia de Metal again and the lady taxi driver finally stops for directions! Hmmm... I thought it was only men who wouldn't stop for directions! The Godlewskis and the Weavers also choose “brush”. The Bransens finish first and they receive their next clue, then the Weavers (who got there after the sistahs) and finally the Godlewskis.

At the airport, the Linzes get on the first flight they find, which will arrive in Phoenix through Atlanta at 9:35 am. The Paolos can't get on that one because it's full. In the meantime, the Godlewskis and the Bransens have found a flight going through JFK in NYC that will arrive in Phoenix at 9:20 am. The Paolos manage to get onto that one! The Weavers wind up on that one too.

So, we have four teams going to NYC and the Linzes going through Atlanta. When the Godlewski sistahs arrive, the ticket agent tells them they have no reservation from JFK to Phoenix, but there is a flight going through Newark which will also arrive at 9:20 am. Phew! Lucky them! They hop in a taxi and head to Newark.

The Roadblock: The Godlewskis arrive in Phoenix first, choose a marked car and head off to Bondurant for a 50 lap race around a superkart go-kart track. One of the sistahs (you know, I can only tell who's who if their names are on the TV screen) says, “It’s hotter than snot!” Huh? Snot is hot? Well, maybe if your nose is like an erupting volcano, spewing snot lava!

The Bransens, Weavers and Linzes arrive, get their cars and head off too. The Paolos bicker and wander the parking lot of the airport looking for the cars. Wandering, bickering, bickering, wandering… finally they find the last car and head to the superkart school.

The teams are ready to go with Michelle gunning it for the Godlewskis, Wally buzzing about for the Bransens, Linda whipping around for the Weavers, Tommy lapping it up for the Linzes and D.J. putting the pedal to the metal for the Paolos.

The Weavers are having a tough time because they are faced with another “racing” task. One of the Godlewski sistahs tries to console Rachel and the girl pushes her away! I mean, she’s really rude about it!

I am reminded of a quote from a wiseman, ummm… wiseguy, ummm… Jedi Master alien thingy,

“"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." ~Yoda

…and suffer ye will, ye Weavers! *evil laugh*

Now, I must tell you, I come from a racing family. Not a Nascar family, mind you, but an NHRA drag racing family. My hubby is a licensed NHRA driver. Many of our friends are drivers. So I know a thing or two about being around tracks and cars and whatnot. I have seen things happen with my own eyes and know people personally who have been effected by such tragedies as the Weavers. Would I be afraid of driving a go-kart if my husband were killed at a race track? HELL NO! The two things are nothing alike! They are not even in the same ballpark. Do you think these other people give up the racing life or are afraid to be at a race track? NO! Did Dale Earnhardt Jr. give it up when Dale Sr. was killed? NO! As a matter of fact, those families keep racing! Generations upon generations of them! Life and death happens and you move on.

I did a bit of research because I was really curious about the superkart cars. I’ve driven them, they are hella fun! I found this fact most interesting: Karts Reach Speeds of 35mph+ Hmmm… ummm… yeah, Nascar cars reach speeds of over 190 mph. That’s more than 5 times the speed of a superkart. That is like, well… What’s a good analogy? I KNOW! That’s like my husband being killed by a stampede of wild stallions and me being afraid to ride a tame, domesticated pony! Or, like my husband being killed by being run over a gang of speeding motorcyclists and me being afraid to ride a friggin’ bicycle! Or, like my husband being killed by a shark and me being afraid to swim with dolphins!!! Besides, a Nascar race has 43 cars running at the same time! You? are driving on a closed track with only (at most) four other people at the same time! ...and it's a friggin' go-kart! Get.over.yourselves. Please!

The PitStop: The clue given to the teams when the go-kart race is completed directs the teams to go to the Ranch at Fort McDowell Adventures. In a tight race to the mat, the Godlewski sistahs arrive at the mat first. Phil welcomes them and tells them they have won a trip to Belize! Next are the whining Weavers, followed by the Linzes.

The Paolos are convinced they are in last place and Marion, assuming it is a non-elimination leg, tells everyone to put on all of their clothes! Just as Marion is shown putting on her enormous granny panties and Tony is putting on his tighty whities, they spot another team arriving! Apparently, in Arizona, it is not illegal to wear your underwear on top of pants. The Paolos stop mid-dressing to run for the mat! Phil says, "Paolo family, you’re team number four! …and you look ridiculous!” then he says, "I had no idea what kind of support you had on this race. Now it's entirely evident." I mean, come on! Look at them! ...and check out Tony’s hat that looks like that character from Fat Albert! *snicker*

The Bransens, who had previously stopped at a hotel to ask directions, which they apparently weren’t exactly clear about before high-tailing it outta there and whose dad Wally is exhausted and just wants to use a phone, are so close that they watch as the Paolos get checked in at the mat by Phil. I can’t blame Wally for being exhausted! I mean, is it just me or does it seem like the girls are making him do all of the single person tasks? DJ urges them to run back and put on all their clothes because it might be a non-elimination. They do and then come back to the mat. Phil says, “Bransen family, you are the last team to arrive… but I have some good news…

I JUST SAVED A BUNCH OF MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO GEICO!!!"

Just kidding, he tells them this is a non-elimination leg, but he’ll have to take all of their money and belongings. They will be left with only the clothes on their backs (which happens to be every speck of clothing they brought with them, including mittens and parkas, which they are wearing in the hot Arizona sun in JULY!) and their passports.

Next Time on the Amazing Race: Well, that happens right now! I turn you over to the extremely capable hands of our very own Cygnus X1, who will take us through the second hour of this double episode week!

Yay! I was hoping for a non-elimination leg! I have had that Gieco joke in my head since the first non-elim leg.

ETAdd: a link to Cyggie's Part Deux!