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Thread Number: 1193
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Original Message
"Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by Estee on 11-02-05 at 06:15 PM
As we're seeing, some Christians would like to -- what's a good word here? -- evict? Excommunicate? Philiminate? -- the First Family Of Constant Prayer. Because let's face it: when you've been raised to trust only your family and your deity, the rest of the congregation is there to be taken advantage of. Yes, the Weavers would never commit a sin. They can't. No, really. They literally can't. No act is a sin unless it's made against someone else in their faith. Nothing done to a heathen counts because their deity was going to punish those sinners anyway and the Weavers are just helping out in advance. And since they're the only four people in their faith and they'd never sin against themselves, the Weavers are automatically sin-free saints.

(Actually, Maybe that's why so many Christians want them out. Jealousy.)

So -- of all the world's religions, active or defunct, which ones would be willing to give the Weavers a new home? They're loyal. They're devoted. They'll have no problems with human sacrifice because no one outside the family can be considered human.

For starters, I think the most radical religious elements in Al-Qaeda would be happy to give the Weavers a home. Seriously. They both look down on all people who don't believe as they do. They both say they're only trying to help the world find the right path, no matter what the consequences are. They share a belief in the fundamental non-reality of non-believers. And with his innocent appearance and 'I'm just walking, officer' demeanor, wouldn't Rolly make a perfect suicide bomber?

Next up?

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Messages in this discussion
"Hmm"
Posted by Rhyn on 11-02-05 at 06:25 PM
Maybe Heaven's Gate? They just might be wacky enough!
"RE: Hmm"
Posted by Draco Malfoy on 11-03-05 at 07:25 AM
But I'd bet they're afraid of applesauce.


"Speaking of Draco, he has serious issues, still, the little snot." - kathliam

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 11-02-05 at 08:46 PM
The Shakers. That way, Rolly and the girls would be protected from that icky stuff having to do with the opposite sex.


Of course, first thing to go would be Rachel's incredible shrinking shorts.

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by HistoryDetective on 11-03-05 at 08:28 AM
Great suggestion, Cygnus! That way, none of them will procreate.


Sigs by Syren and Seana. Bouncie by IceCat. One and Only WeinerGuy.
journal
"We must scrupulously guard the civil rights and civil liberties of all our citizens, whatever their background. We must remember that any oppression, any injustice, any hatred, is a wedge designed to attack our civilization." --- Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 9 January 1940

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by Lisa0116 on 11-03-05 at 01:58 PM
Jonestown?? Scientology?? So many to choose from.....The Manson Family???
"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by pumpkinqueen on 11-03-05 at 07:58 PM
hmmm, i wonder if moral Maggie (from BB) is looking for new members--seems like a pretty good fit to me!


an arkiegrl original 2005

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by Estee on 11-03-05 at 09:58 PM
I said religion, not cult.

Other than that, best spiritual match so far.

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by Lisa0116 on 11-07-05 at 09:45 AM
One man's religion is another man's cult......


Just a thought.

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by Estee on 11-07-05 at 03:27 PM
Rephrase: do you want to give Maggie a potential excuse for declaring her half-million to be legally tax-free?
"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by Lisa0116 on 11-08-05 at 03:12 PM
>Rephrase: do you want to
>give Maggie a potential excuse
>for declaring her half-million to
>be legally tax-free?

You have a point.....

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by pumpkinqueen on 11-09-05 at 12:39 PM
do you want to give Maggie a potential excuse for declaring her half-million to be legally tax-free?

good point, although she is such a wonderful person she wouldn't mind paying taxes--after all she is going to give all the money away since she wasn't in it for the money

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by kathliam on 11-08-05 at 06:26 PM
LAST EDITED ON 11-08-05 AT 06:29 PM (EST)

The rampant hypocrisy exhibited by the Weavers ('we're Christians and above all that, wonder how much they paid for their oobies, don't they look silly in front of a garbage truck) would make them excellent disciples of Maggot.

etf: darn enter key

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by 1derfool on 11-08-05 at 01:19 PM
I'd think almost any religion would welcome them if they win the race. Think about it -- 10% tithe is a neat sum of money, who'd turn it down. That's assuming the Weavers are still True Christians in the 'real' sense of the word if they win and do give their 10%.
The question is though - would any religion want to keep them around once the check clears?
"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by lydia on 11-09-05 at 06:32 PM
I think the Kingdom of Self, would be a good one, or Secular Humanism would be another . . .no creeds, or standards, no Supreme Being to answer to for their "actions which speak louder than words" persona as modeled by Mother Weaver
"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by TeamJoisey on 11-09-05 at 06:35 PM
Didn't I see them last week at St. Colin's?


"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by dabo on 11-11-05 at 02:26 AM
Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show.

SMILES ARE FREE

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by pumpkinqueen on 11-11-05 at 10:14 PM
pack up the babies, grab the old ladies, everyone goes, everyone knows Brother Love's show--thanks dabo, now that song is going to be stuck in my head until i find that Neil Diamond cd

i actually think that probably hits the nail on the head for the Weavers--well, not exactly, but something similiar.


an arkiegrl original 2005

"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by dabo on 11-12-05 at 07:36 PM
Starting soft and slow
Like a small earthquake
And when he lets go
Half the valley shakes


"RE: Religions that would welcome the Weavers."
Posted by MattyMax on 11-11-05 at 08:55 PM
Well, I think that they could be OK Calvinists. (I don't know what Calvinists are like today, but I'm thinking about Colonial times)

It doesn't matter if you're nice to anybody else. It's all just predetermined. Divine Grace. And feel free to judge anyone else, you're pretty sure they're just going to end up in hell. God and Jesus are on your side, but not anyone else's.

On this topic, though. I love the Weavers. I love how they are the only team left with real kids, and they really obnoxious. I love how they're dicks to everyone else, I love how the kids were really mean to the 'Desperate Housewives' when they were trying to be nice to them at the race track. But at the same time, they're to only team with no in-fighting.

God bless the Weavers. I hope they win.

MattyM