Amber, during the shopping spree: "I'm not as small as I look."

Amber, the word for that is : FAT

OK, maybe she doesn't want to know the meaning of that one.

This goes against every grain in my body, but...

I have to come to Amber's defense here.

Girl's not fat. She's just got a little pudge. No different from most people, really.

Her problem is that she's completely delusional about everyone else's perceptions of her body.

You should really read my crappy blog

Ummm, you think so? Her comments on how she could be a "model" after BB is over caused deep belly laughs in my living room last night. Before this, I had taken the liberty of Teevo-Freeze Framing some of the semi-nude shots of the gals- and Amber not only has "pudge", but a misshapen body with no hips and a skanky tattoo over her butt crack. "Delusional" is being kind.

LAST EDITED ON 08-27-07 AT 03:47 PM (EST)

Well of course you are right, she just has a pudge, and many of us would kill to just have that just little bit of baby fat.

But for a really minor amount of extra flesh, she sure shows it off in unflattering ways. Even the editors mercifully just showed a quick flash of her in a bikini after (and they are so deliciously cruel) she started talking about her post BB8 career.

The cameraman, and especially the editors, must be just rolling in the aisle with all the material she gives them.

Those hip hugger pants she wears, with a roll just above the belt line. They always manage to show a shot of her walking away, jerking her pants up over that roll.

She does manage to make a pudge seem like fatso city, to me.

But that's all exterior. Let's talk about the mind of Amber....?

Or the spiritual Amber.....?

That pudge in the too-small jeans?

We call that a muffin-top.

See, if you haven't got a great body, it's about wearing the clothes that flatter you. I figured it out by BUYING PANTS THAT FIT and wearing long tank tops to make my torso look thinner. Amber hasn't quite gotten that part yet.

What's "flattering" mean?

You should really read my crappy blog

I'm with you, Slicey. She's not really fat. But she dresses in a way that makes her look like a beast. She looks as good as any young woman looks who never seems to exercise and has had a child. She could look good, if she had a clue.

But modeling??????? What planet are she and Jameka on? Have they ever looked at a model? It's not just the muffin top, though that's bad enough. The hair, the not-ugly-but-not-exactly-beautiful face, the lack of any cheekbones whatsoever?

I have a feeling that the big thing she thinks god has promised her after BB is a stint with Stacey and Clinton.

"Let them call me rebel and welcome, I feel no concern from it; but I should suffer the misery of devils, were I to make a whore of my soul by swearing allegiance to one whose character is that of a sottish, stupid, stubborn, worthless, brutish man. I conceive likewise a horrid idea in receiving mercy from a being, who at the last day shall be shrieking to the rocks and mountains to cover him, and fleeing with terror from the orphan, the widow, and the slain of America." Thomas Paine

First, Muffin top? that's hilarious, I hadn't heard that before. And it fits so well. Muffin top! Ha.

second, unflattering? OK, now that's a word that can one use without thinking about it, but to focus on it, it seems weird. It's an LSD word. Spell check seems to like it, though.

But I'm with you in defending Amber, reluctantly, she makes the show worth watching in a train wreck way. Her cluelessness in attire carries through her whole thought process IMO.

It is possible that her clothes fit better when the show began, she eats like a cement mixer, and has probably gained some weight while on the show.

I still wonder why taking the short cut, and just asking God for lots of money hasn't occurred to Amber. If I had god on a string like that, I probably would.

I've heard muffin top for awhile.

Here is a website devoted to it http://www.muffinhuntin.com/

I agree that Amber isn't fat, she has a pretty normal level of pudge and probably is within the healthy weight for her height.

Unfortunately that usually doesn't make you model material. She either needs to add a few pounds with a lot of toning up and go for plus size, or lose more weight than is really healthy and tone up what is left.

But the time the do the next set of casting she may be too old for "ANTM", the application for cycle 9 went up to 27 but they rarely take anyone over 22 or 23 and this year's crop seems to be really young. Not sure when her birthday is, but...

I also agree that she dresses in ways that accentuates the pudge and the places where her figure isn't that good. She needs "What Not To Wear" much more than she need "ANTM".

LAST EDITED ON 08-27-07 AT 06:10 PM (EST)

All in all, I gotta say, though, Amber is a lot of fun. In cruel laughing at you way. That's saying a lot, she has heavy duty competition in that department this year, Danielle is Soooooooooooooo inane, D1ck is out to lunch, Jameka is, is, well, she is kinda fun in an unconsciously blasphemous way. Jess is just, I don't know, dumb? unworldly? home-schooled by a chimp?

But Amber does take the cake. I don't remember laughing at the hamsters this much in prior years, and she's the main reason. The others are a good supporting cast, though.

I wasn't saying Amber is obese. I just laughed at the way she said it: "I'm not as small as I look." For someone who has such a high opinion of herself, it was funny how she seemed to want to avoid any mention of her fat, pudge, muffin top or whatever you want to call her very ordinary, "could cut a dessert or two", figure. Was she afraid the modeling agencies were listening?!!

LAST EDITED ON 08-27-07 AT 11:23 PM (EST)

** Ring ***
HELLO, Waaaaaaaaaaaaamber?

This is DOG speaking.... Do you remember when you thought you were "model"material after I gave you ALL that money from the TV show, BB8??

You must donate all of it to the ASPCA.... NOW!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaamber: DOG? DOG WHO?

Dog bless you Dog!

There were so many things she does/says that are hilarious, but that comment "I'm not as small as I look." was a keeper.

Amber is priceless. Let's hope she is good at dodging the paparazzi that will for sure be following her around and hunting her down as soon as she steps out of the BB8 house.

Well, that will make her happy. She'll think she's modeling.

"Let them call me rebel and welcome, I feel no concern from it; but I should suffer the misery of devils, were I to make a whore of my soul by swearing allegiance to one whose character is that of a sottish, stupid, stubborn, worthless, brutish man. I conceive likewise a horrid idea in receiving mercy from a being, who at the last day shall be shrieking to the rocks and mountains to cover him, and fleeing with terror from the orphan, the widow, and the slain of America." Thomas Paine

Scrutinize??

OK, so if the girl only got thru the 8th grade, wasn't that word used in her vocabulary lessons, even at the 8th grade level?

Yeah, I know, I was disturbed by this one. Does anyone think maybe she was faking that one on the Power of 10? Perhaps she wants to be seen as that "beauty and no brains" type? Maybe she wants the words "I don't know what that means" to be her catch phrase?

Amber is channeling Ms. Teen South Carolina.

Or vicey versey. Hard to tell, actually.

But still, I think all Ms. SC needs is a drivers license check, and then, possibly, a little love, comfort, understanding, and a full body massage followed by a bubble bath.

Amber can manage by herself.

Model