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Original Message
"Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 09-28-05 at 08:18 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-28-05 AT 08:27 PM (EST)

What?

Huh?

Sorry, I can't hear you!

My eardrums had just finished healing from Jerkathon a couple races back, and now they're busted wide open again, courtesy of the Godlewski Girls! (Did you know that was the original working title for Gilmore Girls?)

Well, welcome to We Just Don't Have The Budget To Send You Anywhere ElseLancaster, Pennysltucky. Say it with me: LAN-kiss-ter. I'm just glad no one said AIM-ish instead of AHM-ish. I have these accents down. Right, Rebecker?

So, (almost) none of you knew the Festers, huh? Good thing we only asked you to ask them for a frank. If you had to identify them, you'd still be on 91st. Or Yankee Stadium, or the UN, or Ground Zero, or . . . with the Paolos. (But you do get credit for being the only ones to know them.) BTW, you haven't vactioned with Jerko and Victimia, have you?

Some of you thought pushing the buggy was going to be the easy Detour task, huh? We were going to have Gretchen come be a guest participant, but she wanted too much money. Good strategery on your part, Gaghans. Nice try, Linzes; if the Race were a Poot 'n Ralph Biathlon, you'd already be millionaires. Aiellos, you can have an extra 12 hours if you need them, and it looks like you do.

And Weavers: I realize that accident was traumatic for you. But do you know how much it cost us to replace that buggy? Or how much e-mail we're getting about your incessant prayers from Americans United for the Separation of Church and DAWs?

Black family, you really are a nice bunch. Please sit over there with Kris and Jon and Dennis and Erika and see how far niceness gets you. Guess we'll have to wait until TAR 9 for the Middle-Aged African-American Couple to win again.

And buy my book.

Now go enjoy a carb- and lard-filled-fat-laden Amish meal. (Damn, THAT should be the next food challenge!)


Before posting as your desired character, please sign up here so I can get you a sig, if necessary.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Seana on 09-28-05 at 09:44 PM
Can we hurry this up a little?


What?

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 09-29-05 at 01:10 PM
Lady, you weren't exactly making me forget Gus as you were getting up to the mat.


"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Seana on 09-30-05 at 10:18 AM
Are you implying I'm out of shape?


Ow. I think I pulled something.

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 09-30-05 at 11:11 AM
Who said I was implying?

*raises the People's Eyebrow*


"Yo! Watch your mouth!"
Posted by warp_core breach on 10-03-05 at 03:22 PM
(*at 10 decibels*)

That's my ma you're talking about! Nobody, I mean nobody, disses my ma - except for us bad-a$$ed dudes. So watch it Phil, cause you're cruzin' for a bruzin.

Sincerely,

An Ungrateful Paolo Boy.

(Sorry. I signed up for one of these guys but couldn't remember which one was the more annoying out of the two. I'm waiting for my assignment!)

(*at 20 deceibels and fists up*)

Yo, Phil. You wanna get off your a$$ and get me my siggie? Your days are numbered man!

"RE: Yo! Watch your mouth!"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 10-03-05 at 09:00 PM
LAST EDITED ON 10-03-05 AT 09:40 PM (EST)

*long stare*

I think that you should go and talk to . . . your mama.


It's the Brandenburg Gate all over again.
(ETA: there's something for you in the signup thread)

"Don't Worry Ma!"
Posted by warp_core breach on 10-03-05 at 03:32 PM
I gotcha back Ma! I told Phil - YO! SHUT YA MOUTH!

The fact that you're out of shape and are gonna make us lose the race doesn't give man-boobs the right to diss ya.

I'm hungry... when are ya gonna feed me!

Your Ungrateful Son.
(sorry don't know which one i am yet!)

"RE: Don't Worry Ma!"
Posted by bystander on 10-03-05 at 04:14 PM
The bible says "Honor thy father and mother". You should respect your mother. She brought you into this world and most-likely she'll take you out!


Whoever you are

"RE: Don't Worry Ma!"
Posted by warp_core breach on 10-03-05 at 04:45 PM
YO, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

(*fists up*)

I'm gonna kick your sorry a$$ out of the state of Pennsylvania punk!


Identity-Confused Paolo Son.

"RE: Don't Worry Ma!"
Posted by bystander on 10-03-05 at 07:15 PM
LAST EDITED ON 10-03-05 AT 07:17 PM (EST)

Hey, I'm not afraid of you. I'm the man of the house you know? It looks like your mom is the man of your house!

Besides, Pennsylvania is a city dummy.

"RE: Don't Worry Ma!"
Posted by Seana on 10-03-05 at 04:52 PM
Don't you talk about my boy. What do you know about my boy?


He was an Eagle scout.

"RE: Don't Worry Ma!"
Posted by bystander on 10-03-05 at 07:21 PM
I know he talks funny, just like you do. Are you from a different country? I'm from the country of Florida. My dad used to say people that talked like you were in the Mafia. You must be from Sicily. I guess I know alot about you.

"RE: Don't Worry Ma!"
Posted by Seana on 10-03-05 at 04:55 PM
You're cute when you're angry.


Have some spaghetti. *pats cheek*

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by LibraRising on 09-29-05 at 09:33 PM
Dear Lord. Thank you for protecting me from the runaway buggy that Satan obviously had taken control of momentarily. Thank you for the chance of showing thy will to a New Jersey truck driver. And lead us to victory over the other teams. Amen.

What? Sorry. You caught me mid-prayer. Quite a first leg, yes? I'm so excited to see all these different parts of the world. I've never been to the city of Pennsylvania before. I certainly hope I get to see the village of Illinois, the township of France and the country of El Paso before the trip's over. God bless!


If the rapture happens during the race, my SUV won't have a driver. I'll bet those wicked Eye-Talians will still be hanging around, though.

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by dragonflies on 09-30-05 at 08:20 AM
Oh hi Mrs. Weaver! Hey, you did a real good job running! Too bad you can't outrun me! After all, I'm a marathon racer. And my parents got some good marathon training pulling that buggy. Didn't you? Oh yea, you fell.


"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by bystander on 09-30-05 at 08:23 AM
You can't talk to my mom like that. I just prayed for you to sprain your ankle on the next Leg. HAHAHAHAHAHA, now we'll see how fast you run.

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by dragonflies on 09-30-05 at 11:48 AM
That's just mean. dork.

(loud whiney voice) Mommy, Daddy, that blonde boy is being mean to me!


I noticed you were the only one in your family that actually beat me. Only because you had a head start.

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by bystander on 09-30-05 at 11:55 AM
It's a proven fact that boys are faster than girls.

Cootie Face!

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by dragonflies on 09-30-05 at 12:07 PM
We'll see about that. I've got wheels on my legs! Just ask my daddy!


you are such a boy.

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by LibraRising on 09-30-05 at 12:03 PM
Now, Rolly? What did we say about praying for others to get hurt?


It works only if we do it all together as a family. Now kneel down, kids! Dear Lord...

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Seana on 09-30-05 at 10:21 AM
Oh, "wicked" is it?

We'll take care of you, Missy.


My husband just wishes he was dead.

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Lisa0116 on 09-30-05 at 10:06 AM
Hey!!! Who farted???? That is so NOT cool!!!


"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by bystander on 09-30-05 at 01:59 PM
Yikes!!! You said the F-word. You're gonna go to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks!

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by zipperhead on 09-30-05 at 11:36 AM
Well, excuse me for getting excited with my sisters. It's not our fault if you don't appreciate the upper register of the human vocal chords. You'd better get used to it, though, because we are going to kick butts and stuff. Unless my sisters continue to screw around. Then I am going to kick their big butts (I'm the skinny one!)



"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by CattyChat on 09-30-05 at 11:39 AM
I'm getting hungry and I think I'll start with you, little Carissa. I'm coming after you to chew you up & spit you out.

Unacceptable finish for my family, we will be back with vengence this next leg. I'm taking out the Stepford Wives for getting us lost. I should have known better to follow those dingbats.

Be ready to feel my wrath all you little animals . . . I just need to find a handicapped rug-rat to help me get ahead.

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by dragonflies on 09-30-05 at 11:49 AM
Na na nee boo boo. Gotta catch me first! I am a marathon runner, after all. I can do a 7 minute mile! Can you? NOT


"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by CattyChat on 09-30-05 at 12:12 PM
You can run, but you can't hide. I will sniff you out, like the frightened little gerbil you are.


Okay, family, here's the plan . . .

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by dragonflies on 09-30-05 at 02:05 PM
OH, I won't be hiding when my family beats your family to the mat! Phil is kinda dorky with that funny eyebrow thingy, but WE WILL WIN! After all, I run in marathons!


"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 09-30-05 at 11:59 PM
Kid.

Do not EVEN go there about the brow.

And just remember that I have one of these:


in XXXS with your name on it.

And marathon, schmarathon. I work out all.the.time.


(Yo, Bert, Bruck: What WERE we thinking?!)

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Max Headroom on 09-30-05 at 11:54 AM
Hey, wait a minute. What's a guy have to do around here to get a turn in the bathroom? Can I use the Black Family's bathroom since they'll no longer be needing it?


"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Cygnus X1 on 09-30-05 at 12:08 PM
The opinions expressed in the previous post do not necessarily reflect those of CBS, Amazing Race Productions, or Jerry Bruckheimer Productions.


...right?

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by zipperhead on 09-30-05 at 12:39 PM
Are you saying that the Black Family had their own bathroom? That is so 1950's.


"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Lisa0116 on 09-30-05 at 03:58 PM
HeeHeeHee..like you remember the 1950's?? WOW you are ancient!! I wasn't even a twinkle til the 80's. Where are my brothers?? Just like them to abandon me.....soooo not cool!!



"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by zipperhead on 09-30-05 at 05:00 PM
Your brothers are hanging around our little hotel room, trying to impress us with their juvenile machismo. We ain't buying it. Keep your brothers on a leash or we're going to make them cry.



"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Max Headroom on 09-30-05 at 04:22 PM
Doesn't every TAR team get their own bathroom? Mine always has a line, so I thought I could use someone else's. Do you realize how long it takes for three young women to get ready in the morning?

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by zipperhead on 09-30-05 at 05:01 PM
Do you realize how long it takes for three young women to get ready in the morning?

*looks around at three sisters*

Yes. Yes I do.



"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by universityofkentuckyrocks on 10-02-05 at 10:07 PM
Nice try, Linzes; if the Race were a Poot 'n Ralph Biathlon, you'd already be millionaires.

Hey were just trying to have fun! You know college students do this! We are going to have a fun time and win big. I kno were in last right now, but watch!

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by bystander on 10-03-05 at 08:57 AM
Thanks for the beer last night Tommy. You sure are way cool! I hope you guys stick around for a while. I'll say a prayer for you. (and your hot sister).

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Molaholic on 10-03-05 at 00:15 AM
Yo -- me an mah boyz ahr on ahr way to the nex rot mahkah ans we get los again. Whys kan't theh give us mahps wif da rot ridn down sos we can knows wherhe the hell wehr goin? I toht Mahk Buhnnet waz kewl -- he lahks tha Sox, riht? Not like thhat spankie lovin spaz Phil!


"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Seana on 10-03-05 at 01:32 AM
Huh?


"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by LibraRising on 10-03-05 at 12:08 PM
Oh my! He's speaking in tongues. Could it be the Holy Spirit? Or a demon?


Most of those eye-talians are Catholic. Isn't that some sort of voodoo cult?

"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by Lisa0116 on 10-05-05 at 02:54 PM
Eeewww...no episode 2 version yet.


"RE: Be the Amazing Racer Family Edition - Episode 1"
Posted by bystander on 10-05-05 at 03:08 PM
Hey there sexy. Wanna ride bikes?