LAST EDITED ON 07-08-04 AT 12:18 PM (EST)

The One Where Tammy Kicks Glass (out of the house)

V 2.6.1 & V 2.6.2

Okay, so NBC attempts to offer us a treat this week with a retread episode 6, just before airing the current episode 7. Lucky us, and it's fortunate for me, because then my summary doesn't really look as late as it really is. No, really. I'm sure no one noticed the lateness of this (except for ssshaw - would you accept a note from my mom?), because most of you have lives, I'll bet.

Both episodes begin with that awful recap stuff, but I'd refer you back to Fester's summary of episode 5 instead. His insights are so much better than NBC's, IMO.

The new stuff begins when John Heffron returns home victorious, and his ever astute observant fellow comics notice that he is not happy, especially after he starts crying into the back of the sofa, having just beaten soundly the only pair of shoulders that would have been there for him, if he'd only acted like a real man. He proclaims himself to be a lone wolf, and alliance free from now on. You go, girl boy!

Later, John is in search for his bottle of water, and Gary tells him he'd better be drinking a lot of water, or he'll get dehydrated from all the crying. John smiles again.

Tammy, by the pool, and what a nice pool they have in the castle, tells us that it's been a nice day without Bonnie. She's not sure if it's nicer just because Bonnie's not there. Hmmm, I think it probably was, since you and she didn't get along. We are treated to a shot of Jay Lo swimming with his long shaggy hair looking all smooth and flowing behind him. It's the best he's ever looked. Just remember that when you read Ep 7's summary, umkay?

Version 2.6.1 features a Ronco commercial, as performed by Todd. Gary is cracking up at it. I find it lame, but to be fair, I wasn't there in the kitchen to enjoy the actual show. I got the NBC edited version. I still wonder why they let Todd around sharp instruments, however, given his ineptitude.

Compare that to version 2.6.2, with Todd complaining to Gary that someone has been using his hair gel, all the while holding a tube of toothpaste. Gary tells him it's toothpaste. Todd rants about people touching his stuff, and he goes on and on yelling, "Don't touch my stuff." and "I want to be alone in the bathroom." Stuff like that. NBC needed to show us more about Todd before his actual demise on the stage later, because that's how it is done. Increased face time = getting trounced out of the house by another comedian. In Todd's case, this was inevitable. BTW, it is also evident that Gary really thinks Todd is funny. Me - not so much.

The next thing up is Yoga class, because the comics are stressed. Monks chant while Tammy enjoys meditating in position, Kathleen whines about having to do this, while Todd snores, and ANT smokes a queen sized cigarette.

The fortune teller card, letting the comics know about their immunity challenge, is retrieved and read by ANT. The card reads "Do you know where Screech lives?" The challenge: Being a tour guide to 13 tourists who just happen to put down good money that day to see a tour of Hollywood. Winner wins immunity, a photo shoot for new head shots, and something else - I think a special show. Our host, Jay Mo, asks everyone to pick up a toy bus at random to decide the order of the competition.

Preview of Jay Lo on his tour guide stint: "Why don't we just listen to the air conditioner?" My prediction? Not a winner.

Going back to version 2.6.2 mode, we get comedy lowlights. This one in particular is very excrutiating - Mother Devine. She had them rolling in the aisles at the convent, and that's where she will stay, thank the Lord for answering the many rosaries said on her behalf.

John Heffron says it's important to win immunity. I guess he doesn't want to get the sofa back wet again.

First up on the tour bus is Corey, who points out a house, asking if they know Chris Rock. The group of 13 gets excited, then Corey says it's Chris' cousin's house. Not many laughs with that one, and it only gets worse when he points out to the guys on the bus that they can find female companionship on the boulevard, making the couples on the bus cringe.

ANT comes on for his turn, and to his credit, doesn't tell them jokes, just gives them lots of Hollywood hoax. He's surprisingly good at this. It's like he's hosting a little party on the bus and he's loving it. He told a Tory Spelling joke about her getting work with her new nose job, after working for her daddy on 90210, and was generally entertaining to listen to. The vote was a total shut out of Corey, 13 - 0.

Corey returns to the bus with the other waiting comics and proclaims that it was a slaughter. Kathleen is up, and she's a bit nervous and negative, saying that all America looks alike, asks if there are any questions and gets yawns. ANT hands out a joker card with "Jim Carrey's signature" on it, lies about Marily Monroe's house, and then Lucy's house. The final vote is 12 - 1. I think that Kathleen's mom must have been one of the tourists. Kathleen admitted that she found herself having a good time during ANT's routine.

John is up and he establishes a rapport with the group by asking them if they are going to sit there with their arms folded the whole time. He says that being a tour guide sucked. Well, buddy, I've got news for you. Having you as a tour guide sucked for those people. ANT's schtick includes a bit about Dolly Parton having 2 houses next to each other, one containing her hair and makeup, with a tunnel between the 2 houses, so she can get herself made up without anyone knowing. Final vote: 12 - 1, ANT. John's mother must have taken this tour with Kathleen's mom.

NBC spares us some of the torture, but provides us with a few comments from the remaining challengers. Alonzo says, "It was a massacre." Jay Lo says that ANT overwhelms you. Gary gets trounced, 13 - 0. Todd was the last hope, but *coughTHE LOSERcough* didn't look at the tourist group most of the time and gave up about half way through it. ANT tells some more lies, this time about the Tommy Hilfiger store. Did you know that the chandelier in their lobby was once owned by King Louis XVI?

So ANT is the last tour guide lying standing, and thus wins immunity. He says, "All of that was crap. All crap. I'm going to hell. I know it."

Comedy lowlight or highlights, again, depending on which version of episode 6 you happen to be watching. A Mr. Hannah talks about how we used to get o-mail instead of email, as in "Oh, mail!"

ANT, even though he has just won immunity, is not immune from Corey's wrath. It starts when Todd uses a term that ANT finds offensive as a gay man, so ANT uses an analogy with a racial slur that offends the ghetto section of the bus. Corey is inflamed and ANT says the word "Clueless" in a falsetto voice a couple of times and tells Corey to 'Shut up'. Way to get your self hurt, little man. Things get tense, and Tammy leaves her seat next to Ant, the bus is stopped in traffic for some strange reason and suddenly Kathleen is complaining that she didn't sign up for the Real World. The editors use this joke, provide the Real World font, and point to ANT crying. That makes 2 men crying in the episode, or maybe 1 1/2. I won't tell you which one is the half, John or ANT, as that is kind of subjective, but either one works for me.

The next day ANT (wisely) apologized to Corey. Everything seems cool between the 2 roomies. In the meantime, Todd is trying to come up with a good set, because he knows he's toast tonight.

It's time to get into the booth and vote for the unfunny. It goes like this:

ANT: Todd Glass
Alonzo: Todd
Corey: Tammy (since he can't vote for ANT, she's the next best thing)
Gary: Tammy
Kathleen: Gary (embarrassed when this is revealed, for some reason)
John: Alonzo (the lone wolf vote)
Tammy: Corey (hmmm, she's part of an alliance, but she voted differently?)
Jay Lo: Todd
Todd: Tammy (thought she'd be easy pickin's, I'll bet)

Since it's a tie vote, Tammy and Todd do the head to head, much to the Mafia Princess' shock and dismay. As Tammy packs her clothes, and girls, she has some nice boots in that luggage, she comments, "This is the best possible match up I could do." Todd think's his chances are "50 - 50". A little off on those numbers, Todd, but you'll soon see what a difference 5 percent can make.

So, at the showdown, Jay Mo warms up the audience with a bit about how big his 17 month old son is and what he feeds him. Backstage, Tammy says she didn't come this far to fail, and Todd is (understandably) nervous. Tammy is up first, and does some of her Sicilian material, with some new stuff we haven't heard before about a girl asking her who did her boobs. She answers, "God". "Where is his office?" "Jerusalem, leave me alone."

Todd's set included the Mel Gibson/Fred Flintstone ugly baby comment about himself, commentary about people who stink, and late night commercials. He starts smoking during his set again, and raises his arms to reveal sweat marks on his shirt.

Tammy wins, with 55 percent of the vote.

The moral of the story: Participate during your free yoga sessions in the house. That, and don't act like such a total _____ ... um, trying to give up calling people names, so please feel free to fill in the blank on your own.

Next week time - I will be posting the Ep 7 summary shortly. Fester and I did a little trade and you will get 2 fun weeks of Fester-rific summaries while I fly off to Utah for 9 days. Enjoy!

Silvergirl
Last Mermaid Swimming, thanks Ice Cat - for the animation!