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"The Guilty Party: LL11 last gasp"
Posted by suzzee on 12-21-09 at 02:47 PM
LAST EDITED ON 12-21-09 AT 04:11 PM (EST)30The Guilty Party
That’s it, we’ve come full circle. the Gulag, the Trailer Park, Mysterious Island and finally to the Guilty Party. We will find out who did it, what they did (whether they remember or not) and if we care.
On the show Natalie takes home the million (I’ll forget her faster then last years New Year’s Resolutions). Russell refuses to believe he didn’t win and couldn’t bribe Jiffy for the “Lone Survivor” title, come on Russell 10 grand? Mick still has $300,000 in school loans and he’s 35 for Bob sakes. Hope he makes it, poor thing, doctors hardly make anything anymore.
As for the rest of the Ponderosa 9, they’re all banned for life from Loser Lodge. What a worthless, whiney bunch of do nothings. Besides we have standards here. Yes we really do, I saw them written on the underside of seat in outhouse #4.On with the show:
LL Awards and all that! applause But first a word from Kingfish, “Make that a double.” Thanks Kingfish, words to live by.
Seriously?
PS: These are from last week and unless you want to wait until the cows come home that’s it.
Well, here they come now.....
Loser of the Week(s) Award
Well, this isn’t a mystery but it took longer then usual. Your Game Mysteryess, bottomed out of MJ’s LOD. Finally. I believe it’s the 4th or 5th season in a row that I haven’t made it to the end in there. At least I’m consistent. Me and Shambo the same week, yikes.
Lodge Points and Awards 10
Daw of Both Weeks most posts per Loser is JBug . She is guilty of felony Dawism and if memory (swiss cheesy as it is) serves she’s pretty much been the big DAW most of the season. Congrats dearie and keep posting all those pictures!
Daw of Last Week and tied with JBug is Agman who also reminded us in his siggie tagline that he had 4 posts already in the thread. Tres Dawish Agster.
Pick up Artist Award goes to Tribe, Who seems to always be picking up after his two best little buddies and managed to visually educate all of us on what a Blue Carbuncle really is.
Best Siggie Tag Line Award goes to CTgirl for this one to Moley for picking her for his Mystery Date.”What? You mean you really just want me for my score?! Phhhbt!
Pied Piper Award goes to Kermit because she’s got ALL the guys following her around, it’s the tail ya know.
Best Mafia Accountant Award goes to Kingfish for his “create your own discount” tips AND providing us with Tribe’s charge card #. I lurve the internets]
OTR (Off the Radar) goes to Survivor Maniac and Bystander Bystander is gawdknowswhere and SM is hiding under a rock waiting for Russell to take a peek.
Finger Pointin’ Award goes to Molaholic quickly shifting attention away from himself (you are a banana yes?) the moment the heat was on.
The Diverting of Suspicion Award goes to Dakota last week it was disappearing, this week she’s named more suspects then anyone else. Mmmmmm, verrrry interesting.
Best One Liner Award goes to Wallflower for this one. “Guppy is the one who stole the beer. I found a vienna sausage in his drawers, so it has to be him.” Made me spray my coffee when I read it. snort
PTHTHTH Award goes to Live Finale I don’t know about you guys but it was a bit of a snore and I wonder about some of these people, they’re just weird – 2000 points and deleted from the LODGE!
The Loser Enquirer
Mysteries Revealed Suspects Named
I would beat around the bush and go with a big Sherlock Holmes but I’m afraid of who’s sleeping off the alcohol that it took to get through those three hours. Without further ado (a do do). But wait. No let’s do this, it’s like ripping of a Band Aid the only way to do it is quickly.
The winner of figuring out what the Mystery of Loser Island even was is………{preggo pause for dramatic effect}……
Agman!!
The Agster penned a highly entertaining and most probable mystery. I didn’t think I could drink all that beer and I was always falling into the can, I think we need lights in the bathrooms next season.
To refresh my memory and to keep us from having to dig back into the archives I cut and pasted the whole thing here:
The perpetual mystery which has been lingering about he lodge is this: who has been sneaking into the lodge late at night, drinking all the beer, and using the toilet without putting the seat up? THis has caused considerable distress for our female guests! WHo could be capable of such a devious and downright disgusting deed? Using my above average intellect(just don't ask me to spell anything correctly ) I say it can only be one person................That smiley old Bystander!....I came to this conclusion through the simple process of elimination. When it comes right down to it, what is Bystander? HE's nothing more than a faceman. No arms, no legs, not even a body to speak of. HE alone is the only lodge member with out arms and hands! Even our host, regal pescado(spanish for all the non english speakers in the lodge)at least has fins to accomplish the task of lifting the seat. But bystander? Not a way for him to do that! He does, however, have a very large mouth which with the use of a straw, can easily suck sip all the beer out of each bottle! I also know that Bystander did not work alone....He may have a great, diabolical head on his shoulders on the nightstand BUT, he still needed help with getting the straws into the bottles of beer, and someone to roll him back to his bed when he finished. Who other to turn to for help with this than Mole and Suzzee!!!!
We all know that Suzzee, while pretending to be a hostess, spends most of her time at the bar chugging sipping the spirits. Ample time and opportunity for her to provide 'stander with straws. And MOlE? It's common knowledge that Moles are nocturnal(in other words "up" all night) So it would be nothing for him to roll By back into his hut and lock the door!
Now to borrow a line from “Monk”, “Here’s the thing.” He solved the mystery of what the mystery was YET, in his haste he made hastier judgments on just who (whom) said guilty parties were.
Suspects!
Identified suspects for “Le Mastermind”:
Kermit (aka The Vix): Lovely Kermit swished her tail and distracted every single one of the guys but CTgirl was suspicious of the swishes.
Dakota (aka Frenchie La Maid): Everyone thinks the butler did it, nobody but Kingfish suspected the maid.
Bystander (aka Senor Noshow): Well he seems a likely suspect the way he’s always sleezing around somewhere else. Agman has him for the Mastermind.
Agman (aka abman): Moley thinks he’s da man but is he so clever that he makes up the mystery excluding his own name?
Kingfish (aka Guppy): The ladies are pointing at you Mr. Fish Kermit, Dakota and Wallflower are all comparing stories and it’s looking ugly.
Identified Suspects for “Henchpersons” (must be PC you know)
Survivor Maniac: Mysteriously popped up on the last entry and CT thinks you’re a part of the beer swilling trio.
Bystander: CT, Kingfish & Moley have him pegged for an accomplice. Not good appearing on multiple lists like that.
Wallflower: Dakota thinks you left the lids up to throw suspicion on the guys.
Kermit: Dakota points the finger at YOU!
Dakota: Kermit points right back at you, it true Survivor fashion.
Kingfish: Moley has you on the accomplice list. You are on both lists, highly suspicious.
Moley: Agman thinks you were in on the toilet seat caper.
Suzzee: WHO ME? No way, just because Kermit and Agman think so I was with Mark Burnett the whole time.
Well well, that’s it. I will count the votes carp channeling Jeff for a second there.
Accomplices Named!
Bystander and Molaholic, your punishment will be to assist the “Mastermind” in picking up all the beer bottles. That should keep you two out of trouble for a month or two.
Mastermind Identified!
By virtue {that’s the closest I’ve been to virtue let me tell you} of the powers left over in Tribe’s trunk I name KINGFISH
Yup he did it. Drank up the beer, left the seat up and he made most Losers lists so he must have done it. Besides I think he might have gone to Cuba to see how Fidel managed to live so well on an out of the way island.
Kingfish: you are sentenced to find all the swimsuit pieces and return them to the proper owner. There must be a couple hundred mismatched tops, thongs and bottoms out here. Do it quick S20 is coming up.
Whew.
Now for the Grand Prize Winner of Loser Lodge 11
CTgirl Way to go CT, you beat There’s no way I’m going to explain which points were gotten for what but this is it for LL11. 2nd: Suzzee~~1421 (all those penalty points through the season killed me off) 3rd: Dakota~~987 (you faded but I’m thinking you were off with the Guppy last weekend and thanks for hosting duties this season) 4th: Kingfish~~972 (closely behind Dakota (don’t stop too quickly Dak) as usual….) 5th: Kermit the Vixen:~~941 (I gotta get me a tail) 6th: JBug:~~830 (You’ve been my favorite picture peep this season) 7th: Wallflower~~817 (I promise you can have all the candy and cookies)heh heh heh 8th: Sir Tribe~~813 (I hope we didn’t wreck the Lodge too much this season, you sure left some big shoes to fill) 9th: Agman~~798 (Oh great man of Mystery and granting of favors) 10th: Survivor Maniac~~793 (you did great this last week, scary good) 11th: Molaholic~~743 (The Great Mullet of Shamboohoo d'Ringo-dingo>snort<) 12th: Bystander~~603 (Just shut the light’s off on your way out) Let's dance!!!!
My new-age thinking is... ending it early. My thinking is to have the official entry ending a week before the finale. Thereby the results (and full G.A.S. explosure) being presented while all the rest of the games are asking for their last entries. Of course, without a Loser Lodge Panel of Desperately Distinguished Losers there is no real way to propose, second, call to a vote and enact such a change in format. Alas, perhaps it's all sour-grapes over my Pick-up-artist superlative...all that picking up and not a single thong to take with me. *sniff*le* And what's with the jab at my Big Shoes? Anyhoos...Thanks a billion (in credit card debt) Gupsterino and the sockpuppet. I've made imaginary crowns for both of you to wear for the next month or so. Inscribed on each, "For performances worthy of Nepharious Loserdom...-tribe". Without you I wouldn't have debt, but I also wouldn't have had as much phun. I needed the lodge to go on and I'm ever so thankful for that. As far as next season. There are no real hard promises just yet, but within the next couple of weeks I should be clearer as to my hopeful return (even if in fits and starts) to the hosting rei For now, To all my fellow failing ones, a huge hug for the holidays and a slightly naughty smooch for the new year!
>smoochies<
BTW-- I still can't understand why Rupert wasn't voted the Sole Survivor last week.
Here's an Agave Kiss for you, Suzzee: Did I hear someone shout Make That A Double? Ok, here's another one for keeping this loosely knit bunch of Losers together for the season: I enjoyed the season and want to thank Suzzee and Kingfish for keeping the Lodge open, even if it is being remodeled and we still don't have the loan or the construction permits necessary to finish the job. It's the economy, stupid. We have about 8 weeks to get this resolved before Jiffy shows up on my TV again. I'm going to sit and have an Agave Kiss myself. Thanks again, Suzzee, Kingfish and fellow Losers.
OK. Guilty. Remind me next time that lying and finger pointing isn’t a very good blame deflector. But I did it. What was my tell? The crime? No, not the Blue Carbuncle, that was a Red Herring Study in Scarlett in Baskerville. Tribe is entitled to keep that carbuncle, he earned it, it's blue, and it’s his. Some of you might ask him the favor of a loan, but I’m guessing he’s keeping it in a safe place. Not his regular safe, but his back-up safe place, IYNWIM. And he paid for it with that credit card. Dakota tried her best to steal stuff and do dastardly acts, but since we applaud dastardly deeds and since her crimes were so cute, we forgave. We admit to being partial to French Maids, and advocate the position that as long as they are under (heh heh) the law, that there is no crime, none at all, not here, not there, not anywhere. Move along, folks. Salmonella Sally (aka June bug)? The alcohol killed the bugs, so while the intent to murder and maim was there, there was no harm thus no foul. (Please note, neither were there any fowl harmed in the shooting of this movie. That we knew of. That we will admit to. That we didn’t immediately consume) Wallflower? Yeah, she was secretive, took little notes, and looked all spy-ey and stuff. But since she tells all her secrets when she drinks, and since she’s always drinking, well, everyone knows she was just working Sudokos and has an eye-tic. We also have the nude photos she took of everyone, they are on display in the slide peep show room located off the main lobby (just follow the well worn path that Moley makes between that room and the bar). Speaking of the Mole…eh, let’s not. (Just kidding Moley old buddy, got any more of those special $20s? Ignoring the fact that the Treasury Department doesn’t give a fig about our currency peccadilloes, we might have to turn you in if we can’t pay our bar tab. Thanks.) No crime here. Suzzee? Do we think our trusty score keeper and accountant could have cooked the books and stolen all our hard won Band candy money as well as the proceeds from our bake sales and Girl Scout Bystander tried to make off with the beer. His “perfect” plan was to drink it all, go over to another less Loserly Lodge, regurgitate it, and sell it as warm English Porter ale. That was such a silly idea that it wasn’t low larceny so much as it was high comedy, and kept us in stitches for a week. So we owe him for that entertainment. Thank-yew! Have a Porter on me, I have an import deal with a Lesser Loserly Lodge. Did someone from the Less Loserly Lodge do something criminal? How would we know, Quien es mas Loserly than us? They could sell us fake Blue Carbuncles and we’d never know. (oops…I say, Tribe old bean…oh well, nevermind). Survivor Maniac? Is she responsible for our stay in the Gulag all those months ago? I’m going to blame her for that, … for our fun is what! Those romantic strolls through the exercise yard, those private moments in solitary confinement, not to mention all that gourmet slop…how can we thank you? Kermie? Did her tail conceal naughty secrets. I don’t know (darn you to heck, Moleman!), but I fervently hope so. And if there are secrets concealed in that bushy appendage, …well, I need to stop right here… and thank goodness for my boxers and loose fitting swimsuit. Oh my. CTGirl? We all know she’s guilty of something. I think she lost the snorkel in the bar and let the chickens boil too long. She however managed to place the blame on the ever Shambolicious one. Good job there. Agdude? Yes, he was sorta right. It was I. I left those toilet seats up (I have a compulsion to sit in toilet water, and I figured you all would enjoy it too), and it was I who persuaded Bystander that the drinking/regurgitation scheme was not totally insane. Ag-dude came close, and if he had bothered to watch something other than that bouncy bouncy boobage on the volleyball court, he might have nailed me for my real crime, the one I’m most proud of… I stole the TV remote and hid it in my bungalow, and I am guilty of making all of us watch reruns of Janice on “I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out of Here” and Joan Rivers win “Celebrity Apprentice”. I know, I should be shot, hung, and dipped in sheep s**t. Oh, well, I forgive myself. Now, don’t we all feel better? There. I know I do, anyway. Besides, I need new batteries… If Tribe gets back from his Knighting ceremonies in England (hey, he said a Queen was going to tap him on the head) and decides to get back in those clown boots, maybe the Lodge can ascend to its previous heights of depths of loserliness. If not we’ll have to plod on again. Hopefully we can be more focused next season. We really need help. Emy shone last season, and Suzzee was brilliant this season and and worked very hard, but they are just one person (one person each, not the same person, but two different people that are each one person, so, well, anyway...), but overall our organization is wobbly at best. So, if you want Suz (and CT and Dakota and the Bug, et al) to take on this Lodge and all the included losers next year (if Tribe is still pulling the old “Sabbatical” con), you better give them a lot of compliments now. I’ll help as I can, but I have a work related transition (voluntary and desired company relocation) going on, and time will tell how much time I will have. In any case, there is much wisdom in Tribe’s thoughts concerning the season ending Gala, but still, it was usually a marvelous success, wasn’t it? And when it wasn’t, weren't we just successfully demonstrating our Loser Lodge motto, “Under-Perform, Over-Indulge, and Go-Naked” (that’s how I remember it, anyway)? Thank you all for putting up with me, and Damit Agdude, where are those Sigs? (pay no attention folks, we kid each other like that all the time).
Next year we will find new ways to rock the Loser Lodge boat even more than before. By gosh, we'll flip the darn thing over and float home on Moley's back. Or Tribe's. Whoever floats the best. Me? I sink fast. Dibs on Shotgun. I promise, as God is my witness, an even Loserly day will come, and if we don't finally get the coveted RTVW banning for life for S20 LL, it won't be for lack of uncouthness. Are we together on this? (Cause, well, I mean, I don't want to get banned all by myself, and stuck in the electric room with no windows. I'd be lonely).
Congratulations to that Persistent Lounge Lovely off out the rest of us for the title and if you and the other Losers keep an eye on this post there will be a little something for you all to pick up later.
SCORES
1st: CTgirl~~1498 (we could have skipped all this since you owned 1st most of the season and thanks for hosting duties too)
That’s a wrap boys and girls, thank you for keeping the Lodge going this season and if anyone wants to pitch in for Loser Lodge 12 let me know. Now, let’s crack open the final vat of wine and celebrate in our own Guilty Party.
>thud< that’s all folks
Winterized and In Vogue by Agman 2009
Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: The Guilty Party: LL11 last gasp"
Posted by tribephyl on 12-21-09 at 04:25 PM
" looks up at counter"
Posted by jbug on 12-21-09 at 09:02 PM
Yea, guess I have become quite the DAW here
"last gasp...1st aha"
Posted by tribephyl on 12-24-09 at 09:07 PM
I'm having an aha! moment!
There is too much work put into the superlative awards show in order for it to suffer the lag of visits due to the end of the season. Previously, I tried dragging it out but that never worked. A few people show up early and ask "Where is it?" but the bulk come back nearer to the premiere of the new season. Weeks after the Gala Awards Show had been posted.
I mean, the only real reason for the last show is to present who is the Winner, right?
Well... we're losers. Why should we care who wins this stupid show? We forget who most of them are after a few days anyways.
But the losers live in our brains for eternity.
I mean sheesh... after all, you know what they say, right? Big shoes big...*ermmpffloppttthud*
It's nice but it doesn't substitute for a nice shiny thing to place upon my mantle.gns.
"RE: last gasp...1st aha"
Posted by suzzee on 12-25-09 at 08:12 AM
You Sir Tribe are having birthing pains. I think your "Ah-ha" is a moment to be treasured. Indeed if the luck of the universe and my Christmas wish comes true you will have the time and the patience to open the lodge next February. I, first and foremost, am a resident loser of so phabulous a place. I would have to stuff a Sunday edition of the New York Times into the space left in the shoes you left to Phyl. With fingers, toes and eyes crossed I wish upon a star that you will do the deed for S20.
Dr. Gonzo: Let's give the boy a lift.
Raoul Duke: What? No. We can't stop here. This is bat country.
Tribe Magic
"RE: The Guilty Party: LL11 last gasp"
Posted by Molaholic on 12-24-09 at 10:14 PM
What an honor -- the penultimate loser (and prime US loser!). Guess it just shows to go you that hard work, careful study of the personalities, and being extremely observant of the details of the interplay and editing of EPMB's endeavors will get you just what you deserve!
thanks once again to Slicey
"RE: The Guilty Party: LL11 last gasp"
Posted by Dakota on 12-26-09 at 12:08 PM
>BTW-- I still can't understand why
>Rupert wasn't voted the Sole
>Survivor last week.
>
Agman Dressed Me
"RE: The Guilty Party: LL11 last gasp"
Posted by Dakota on 12-26-09 at 12:03 PM
Hey, I was lucky I remembered the finale was on TV. Remembering to check here hourly to see if some Loser decided to do something cute, clever or nefarious is asking a bit much. I still can't remember the names of all the Survivors. I usually don't forget for at least a week or two. But I give Suzzee a A+ for her Awards and color commentary. Great stuff!
Agman Dressed Me
"RE: The Guilty Party: LL11 last gasp- AHA"
Posted by kingfish on 12-30-09 at 02:52 PM
LAST EDITED ON 12-31-09 AT 02:24 PM (EST)
pimping cookies? She could have. Hands down, no doubt about it can’t get much surer than that, she could have. If we had any money at all, she would have absconded with it all. As it is, well, better luck next year picking less of a loserly crime than that, Suz. But we love you anyway.
Speaking of…this season was kind of mishmash, we had to learn to go it without Tribe, our nepharious though esteemed leader, who was on sabbatical. We had to learn that coming up with hilarity, contests, and mind-altering drugs week after week is hard when sober, and dam near impossible when not. So, although Tribe went from beloved leader to Co-loser and besotted drunk and did unmentionable things to his monkey, we had to carry on. Suzzee was courageous and actually (once) passed on her shot of Tequila when time came to put the contest together, so please, all of us, a standing round of applause for the Suz-meister. 
Tribal art.
"RE: The Guilty Party: LL11 last gasp"
Posted by CTgirl on 12-30-09 at 10:01 PM
Thanks to Kingfish and suzzee and Dakota and Jbug and...
for keeping the Lodge open this season! Losers rock! 
Happy New Year
"RE: The Guilty Party: LL11 last gasp"
Posted by kingfish on 12-31-09 at 04:24 PM
There is applause due you also. And thanks.
"RE: The Guilty Party: LL11 last gasp"
Posted by qwertypie on 01-07-10 at 06:26 PM
I sure missed you guys. I'll be back for 12. Promise