I find it horrible when the housemates sit around and discuss another person.I am not a Kim fan but for everyone to sit around and discuss her does not seem right to me.I can see why she would fell attacked.Possibly they want her to hear.Just a thought.

• RE: Is it gossip or venting,SOHla, 11:21 AM, 03-22-06
  • RE: Is it gossip or venting,maudeadams, 11:25 AM, 03-22-06
    • RE: Is it gossip or venting,Baxtera, 11:47 AM, 03-22-06
      • RE: Is it gossip or venting,maudeadams, 11:54 AM, 03-22-06
• RE: Is it gossip or venting,sillybear, 11:55 AM, 03-22-06
  • RE: Is it gossip or venting,maudeadams, 12:16 PM, 03-22-06
• RE: Is it gossip or venting,DedeV, 10:51 AM, 03-23-06
  • RE: Is it gossip or venting,Baxtera, 11:10 AM, 03-23-06
    • RE: Is it gossip or venting,maudeadams, 11:32 AM, 03-23-06
• RE: Is it gossip or venting,JustBNMe, 12:37 PM, 03-23-06
  • RE: Is it gossip or venting,SeasonedRefinement, 04:49 AM, 03-24-06
    • RE: Is it gossip or venting,maudeadams, 10:18 AM, 03-24-06
    • RE: Is it gossip or venting,susan765, 10:52 AM, 03-24-06
      • RE: Is it gossip or venting,Baxtera, 11:28 AM, 03-24-06
      • RE: Is it gossip or venting,pinksparkleguitar, 12:10 PM, 03-24-06
• RE: Is it gossip or venting,eire_heart74, 12:42 PM, 03-24-06

When your talking about someone behind their back and it is something you can't say directly to that persons face, than it is GOSSIP!

I think they are all guilty of it.

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do
is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

The LC's should of nipped it in the bud at the very beginning.

The LC's created this "HOUSE OF GOSSIPY H$LL"

JMO

I agree that sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between venting and gossiping. Ideally, venting should be a precursor to calming down and having a discussion with the person that is frustrating you and shouldn't be done where the person you are venting about can overhear. That just causes hard feelings. It's also important that the person(s) you are venting to know that you are mearly just venting. This implies expressing frustrations and not just sharing horror stories or put-downs of the subject.

Many times venting leads to gossip and feeds the alienation of this individual.

Venting is letting out your frustrations and expressing your anger. When the other person responds with anything other than reflective listening I'm hearing, or uh huh, etc. it's gossip. In this house it's never reflecting back what the other person says I hear you say that your frustrated, it's yeah it ticks me off too. That moves it into gossip.

Exactly. As I remember one of the HGs got upset with Kim because at one point she stated she just wanted to vent her frustration (about Jill) and they thought this was unproductive. Whether or not it was her intent Kim was avoiding creating a gossip session.

Not sure how the LCs view venting; I for one think it can be healthy. Bottling things up sure isn't.

I guess what bugs me is this happens in the house quite often and the LCs do not seem to handle it.Ticks me off!!!

Vent Sillybear Vent!

I hear you. This has been quite the disfuntional season and several things the LCs have handled in the past seem to be glossed over this season. So often it appears the HGs are left to their own devices with sporadic visits from the LCs; is this drive-by coaching?

I agree with all of you, but after reading I asked myself if I would be one joining in or even starting the conversation. I hate to admit that I can see myself doing the same thing. Can you imagine being in that house with women that rubbed you the wrong way and no real way to escape? No tv, no nothing? Also, we all have a need to be right and have someone to validate that we are right. This type of behavior issomething I have struggled with my entire life and if we are honest with ourselves I bet I am not alone.

The problem is that the producers encourage it and the set up encourages it as well. In the first season we saw the guests with more activities that were long term and engaging. They got out of the house to focus on real life changes and not just making collagues and painting pretty little pictures, they were working on careers, etc. Now they are encouraged to sit around all day with nothing to do except gossip aobut each other.

And I see some of them seem to be trying to be fair; both Christy and Jody appeared to be making an effort to be balanced in how they responded to Kelly.

What bothered me the most about Kelly's complaint session is she was sitting in a room mere yards away from Kim fully well knowing Kim could hear every word. Not one of them got up and walked away making the point that this was not something they wanted to be a part of. My heart nearly broke for Kim. That has got to be a truly uncomfortable situation and just continues to make her feel like the outsider.

I definately get that this is a boiler room of emotion and tension (agree with the assessment that the Producers are feeding it) and people need an outlet but participating in the alienation of one individual repeatedly is just so wrong. I'm glad Christy expressed sympathy for Kim and recognized that Kelly is very harsh towards her I just wish they would avoid the "gang" atmosphere that makes Kim the victim.

I don't think the HG should be allowed to sit and talk about others behind their backs especially when it is things they don't/wouldn't say to the persons face. They have too much time on their hands IMO. They sit around doing nothing alot this season. Maybe instead of sitting and gossiping and calling it venting (or calling it stating their truth) they should get their fat a$$ outside and get some exercise and get their aggression out that way.

I'm a word lover. I like browsing through the dictionary (which I did on this one because I thought the original question was such a good one). I'm also a gossip hater (this board doesn't count, but that's one of those discussions that belongs in off-topic, lol).

I think most of the HG behavior falls under a broader definition: manipulation. According to The American Heritage Dictionary, manipulation is shrewd or devious management, especially for one's personal advantage. I think the SO house is a case study in manipulation. But this thread really concerns the more specific topics of gossip vs. venting. Is there a difference. If so, what is it? Are we watching these women gossip, or are we watching them vent? What we know for sure is that they do an awful lot of talking about each other, lol.

Gossip is "information" that is shared by someone about someone else to one or more people. Of course, the subject of the gossip isn't around when the "sharing" gets done - that's why it has such a negative connotation. We often connect gossip with lies, but it can also be factual. It can be trivial (Kim slammed the door) or sensational (Meg, SO season 2, allegedly made a sexual overture towards Karen). Whatever form it takes, gossip is always negative and hurtful. The gossip (person who gossips) isn't just the talker - the listener is just as guilty (ouch!).

An example of gossip was the Lisa & Internet Man scandal. Lisa lied to Rhonda when she said that she was no longer communicating with Mr. I. One of the women found out, and instead of taking the information directly to Rhonda, there was considerable discussion about it amongst the women. While it was a TRUE story that was circulating, the added input of "She's written him 500 emails!", "She's crazy!", and "Why doesn't she get it?" was just gossip. If Lisa had rounded the corner during one of these gossip sessions, the women would have shut their mouths or changed the subject, all the while hoping that Lisa hadn't heard them. THAT'S gossip! The truth finally found its way to Rhonda, but it took a few detours along the way.

Venting is a little different. The major difference concerns motive. A person vents because they want to feel better. A person gossips because they want to feel bigger. Venting generally feels bad - it is often forceful and dramatic. Gossip can be enjoyable - it can be done while snickering and laughing at the subject of the gossip. True, one can be as damaging as the other, but venting, done appropriately, is a healthy release of emotion. Journaling would be a great way for the HG's to get their feelings out. If someone is low enough to read someone else's journal, well...they deserve what they get.

Kelly appeared to be venting while lying on her bed today. Her coping skills are weak, and I think her anxiety is leading her into despair. While she was lying there, she was just running her mouth. Unfortunately, there was an instigator present who was ready to "support her"....it was Jodi. An instigator is someone who deliberately stirs up trouble, goads people, and urges them on. Rather than diffusing or calming Kelly's already overblown reaction, Jodi carefully instigated more drama with advice like, "You don't have to deal with Kim's crap" or "You don't have to support Kim 24/7 since she isn't returning that support". (Later on, Jodi was "supporting" Kim in the kitchen). An instigator may use a sympathetic tone ("oh...how awful....") or gasp in disbelief ("she did WHAT?) in order to stir the pot. Kelly didn't need to explore her feelings any more intensely - she was already wallowing in anger and self-doubt.

There was also a "venting session" concerning TJ a while back. In her absence, Lisa1, Jill, and Christina vilified her as "a f*****g psycho" who "needed to be smacked". It was loud, emotional, and intense, It was in response to something TJ had supposedly done. It was a lot of things - but healthy and healing weren't among them.

Another fitting word for some of their conversations is slander. Slander is verbal communication that is deliberately phrased in such a way as to call into question the motives and reputation of another person (absent, of course). People who have no reason to harbor bad feelings towards an individual can be negatively influenced if they allow their opinions to be swayed by slander. Slander is all about bad motives - plain and simple. IMO, a perfect example of slander is the often discussed Jill/Kim episode. Jill was insecure and anxious over the changes happening in the house. Instead of properly venting her feelings through journaling or speaking to a LC privately, Jill developed a plan. She wanted Kim to feel as bad as she did, so she put forth considerable effort to tell and retell her story until she was satisfied that her opinion was the prevailing one. Jill was methodical, persistent, and to a large degree, quite successful. IMO, this is the travesty of the season (with TJ's treatment a close second) - and it did not have to happen.

These are all negative and destructive behaviors (with the exception of healthy venting), and they are never related to harmony or understanding. It looks like the LC's and Dr. Stan would also like the women to vent in group where an adult is supervising, lol. I guess that's better than around the kitchen table, but it seems as though the pattern is set in stone.

Here's a sure way to cure a gossip. It's not easy, but it is effective. When you realize that you are about to get an earful, just ask the gossip if they shared this with the person in question. At the SO house, they can take it one step further by offering to go and get the person and bring them back to finish the discussion.

*******************************************

SeasonedRefinement, I really love reading your posts. Well said!

>>
>I think most of the HG
>behavior falls under a broader
>definition: manipulation. According to
>The American Heritage Dictionary, manipulation
>is shrewd or devious management,
>especially for one's personal advantage.
> I think the SO
>house is a case study
>in manipulation.

This is the heart of the matter. I think the Kim/Kelly fight is being carefully manipulated by the other women. I think they just want all of Kellys anger directed any where but on them. What better target than Kim who also drives them crazy.
I think Jodi is most at fault for egging them both on. Any sane rational person would have stayed out of the whole mess.

Actually I also think Kelly is a good target to keep Kim focused on as well. As long as the two of them work on each other they leave the rest of the house alone. Kim has been focusing more of her hostility on Kelly and Jodi's gotten fewer attacks.

ITA with you, the other women seem to me to be helping things along by going form one lady to the next encouraging them to not put up with each other and to get mad. They don't seem to be very good at diffusing, just making it worse. Jodi is the worst out of all of them. She truly goads Kelley on in becoming a 'team' with her and ganging up against Kim. She's just been waiting to get someone on her side.

I always thought that gossip was just dislike filled with judgement to rationalize feelings of insecurity. Seeing as why all those ladies are there, wouldn't that be a rather apt description of them? In their eyes, nothing is wrong with them, it's everyone else that's crazy.

I think venting is healthy if it's done the right way. "I feel frustrated, give me advice" kind of thing.