Realizing that this is mostly pointless 'cause this show is dead -- as dead as Voldemort's political career -- more dead than Ryan Seacrest's second brain cell -- a thousand times as dead as Susan's swimsuit endorsement deal -- but I just had to get it out of my system. It's just part of my systematic total Donald purge.From least to most loathed:
1. Michael. Came across as friendly, open, fairly honest, and a skilled salesperson who knows just what to say and when to say it. This is probably because he hasn't had any confessionals yet and has had no opportunities to turn into a total jerk -- but for now, he's giving off the Troy vibration. Probably out around #4, too.
2. Pepi. For no apparent reason whatsoever, gives off the impression of having just stumbled onto the set by accident, and now he's going to fake it until he either makes it or gets found out. Interesting...
3. Andrea. Might turn into a darker version of Pamela over the next few episodes, but seems more grounded than most of the group. Also has some interesting companies on her resume', so if anyone here is in touch with their inner lemonade stand operator, it's her. We hope.
4. Lee. It takes serious guts to speak your mind in the Boardroom, especially when you can never tell if Donald's in a 'How dare you not support your leader!' mood, as opposed to his occasional 'You're not going to backstab this guy?' Rode the coin flip and won.
5. Tammy. Came up with a decent idea, didn't cause trouble, and incited at least one solid Brent-rant. Since we're only going to get about sixteen Brent-rants before he's fired, we should cherish (and ignore) every one.
6. Dan. Seems grounded, but is probably on track for the classic father problem: if you're 'the parent', then at some point, everyone around you gets treated as 'the child'.
7. Allie. Take. A. Breath.
8. Lenny. Well, he does bring the open opinion, you've got to give him that. Could be the Voice Of Truth in the Boardroom if he lasts that long. Could be the Voice Of Russian Winter in the tasks, so probably won't make five episodes.
9. Roxanne. Will do something eventually, which will then be edited to make her look bad.
10. Stacy. Who?
11. Leslie. At some point, she's going to start talking, and then we're really going to hate her.
12. Sean. Okay. We get it. You have a charming British accent. Now shut up.
13. Charmaine. You can just feel the aura of conceit radiating from the screen.
14. Bryce: Are we sure this isn't Joe Schmo III: I Want To Stalk A CEO? He's going to sneak up to Donald's penthouse and try on all his clothes while practicing the signature and seducing Melania. (Although he might wait until he's done with the clothes on that one.) There's something scary about this one. Approach with caution.
15. Tarek. 'Hi, I'm Tarek, and this is my IQ score. Please ignore the small minus sign before the first digit.'
16. Theresa. Smug. Self-important. Know-it-all. Sanctimonious. (I could have saved a lot of time there and just said 'Therapist', but...)
17. Brent. We get it. You're loud. You're a fast talker. You're annoying. You're continually waiting for the bigger kids to beat you up. And you're making us wish them luck.Fired: Summer. Now serving canned contestant, lightly reheated, then set to simmer on the stovetop until it boils over at exactly the wrong moment. Next career path: puffer fish chef. Please sample all recipes yourself before serving.
Living on the West Coast, this is what I get to wake up to! We can always count on snarky, offbeat zingers from our resident anti-muse (or something like that) for a loud cackle in the morning. Thanks, Estee.