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Thread Number: 1308
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Original Message
""Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by Angelfood on 02-11-05 at 09:34 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-11-05 AT 09:42 AM (EST)


Teams, this was an Unbeliev-a-ble week!
"Wow. I've never been in this position before." again. like I said last week. Not even in that new-age couples Yoga class that Melania insists on dragging me to.

Dove body wash & Donnie Deutch wanted you to make a video commercial and think outside the box, and instead you went right to the backroom shelves. Oy ay ay. What's a DAW to do?

You're All Fired!
What? No? Can't do that? Not in the rules. oh, ok, then I'll declare all of you Losers and see you in the Boardroom.

Look people... you may wonder why you apply for a Management position, and are repeatedly asked to be Creative Marketing Geniuses, imagining and implementing a Visual Ad Campaign that would be far better than anything that the corporate advertising professionals have come up with. huh? right?
CUZ THIS SHOW IS ALL ABOUT THE CORPORATE SPONSORSHIPS!!!! Just like real-life business. So, much as the Apprentice Ad on my table at Burger King yesterday reminded me, I need Brilliant and Marketable Ideas and I need them now. (cause I have to recoup the money spent on my 3rd wedding extravaganza). kay?

Have any of you even USED body wash before? It requires water. You both got the product use wrong. I can't show a porno-looking gay cucumber ad on the air (not after Nipple-gate) and the joggers were just plain corny. And Michael - ends up looking like the sane one on Magna. Kristin was PM for Networth. Isn't that eerily similar to Danny last week? ok.

Kristin - everyone hates you and you don't know how to delegate or Lead people. You're as abrasive as a block of sandpaper.
Erin - you showed bad judgment with that horribly inappropriate commercial, but at least you held your team together well.

Kristin - You're Fired!
...
...
no, erin, you are ok this week.

Now go, all of you.


Now, gimme that Cucumber video and I'll take it back up to my suite for some... re-editing.

**NOTE** - Anyone not signed up as a character/Idol, is still invited to participate with us, just not as one of the characters. We love for you to make comments & ask questions about the characters or about posts - be yourself, or a cameraperson or other crew - be creative. (If any characters become available, I will put a Notice post in the thread.)

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by Surveysez on 02-11-05 at 10:53 AM
I have GOT to get a new steady pick up. I can't keep taking these fired idiots. Take today. That woman gets in and keeps talking so much about how Trump made a mistake that eventually my ears thankfully close and all I can hear is brak, brak, brak. And all the while she is so abrasive that I'm gonna have to have the seats recovered.


I child proofed my house and they still get in.

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by ARnutz on 02-12-05 at 09:29 AM
Oh come on! Don't we have fun bashing those candidates after they get out of the cab?

That is the best part of this job for me!


"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by Surveysez on 02-12-05 at 09:53 AM
Okay, I'll give you that dude, though some of them need real bashing. By the way, I liked the way you took her from applying for a job with big bucks to walking out to a cab with Exact Change on the roof. Kind of a sign of the life she'll have now, no?

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by ARnutz on 02-12-05 at 01:59 PM
Can you believe Kristin actually tried to get me to pay the cabfare? I mean she tried to tell me she didn't have exact change! Pffft!!!


"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by Estee on 02-16-05 at 04:48 PM
They took all my paper money from me when I went into the Boardroom for the second time. Something about getting rid of every possible weapon and death by paper cuts being a really painful way to go...

They did say they'd mail it back to me. Eventually. I guess they're waiting to see which asylum it has to be forwarded to first.

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by buckeyegirl on 02-11-05 at 11:13 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-12-05 AT 12:58 PM (EST)

**Gasp*** I can't believe that I barely spoke last night, in fact George you actually had more lines then I did. Of course, to pacify me Donald let me do the Promo for the new Dove commerical...


BEG's Summaries

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by jackandjill on 02-11-05 at 11:19 AM
Oh Donald! Can you lend me $33,467? The cucumber is listed on e-bay and I want it! I do! I want it now!


"Mr. Calamari's comments"
Posted by smokedog on 02-11-05 at 01:10 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-13-05 AT 07:31 PM (EST)

clears throat

I never really liked Jennifer, she...

slaps head and pulls cue cards from pocket

Mr. Trump, so far we have gotten rid of:
1- a guitar playing hippie
2- a control freak DAW with past reality show failure
3- a quitter
4- New Jersey Napoleon
5- a token faceless white guy

follows card with finger so not to lose spot

We have left, among others:

1- the token minority contestants who we don't trust to speak to a camera
2- a greasy Southern lawyer
3- a ticking time bomb who goes schizo at random intervals
4- an exemption abuser
5- Elvira
6- other faceless and nameless white men and women
7- John, your next Apprentice

reads last paragraph

Mr. Trump, is it too late to cancel this season and just have Apprentice All Stars?

Sincerely,...

checks cue card

Matthew Calamari


"RE: Mr. Calamari's comments"
Posted by Fishercat on 02-11-05 at 03:48 PM
Wow, I'm #3 on Mr. Calamari's list of people! I'm so impressed, thank you Sir, you piece of crap who I like!
---
"siggie for Calmari"
Posted by Angelfood on 02-13-05 at 06:28 PM
Sorry smokedog,

It's finally here! I can change the wording if ya want.
I needed a block of free time to find a pic of him - I also didn't know that his name REally is Calamari! LOL.

So, reply with quote and copy:

"RE: siggie for Calmari"
Posted by smokedog on 02-13-05 at 07:29 PM
Thanks, AF

"RE: siggie for Calmari"
Posted by Angelfood on 02-15-05 at 11:50 AM
bwahaha.

I like how you changed the white text - that's ok with me.

AF

"RE: siggie for Calmari"
Posted by smokedog on 02-15-05 at 01:41 PM
Thank YOU. Enjoying this BTA very much. Thanks for hosting.
"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by smokedog on 02-11-05 at 01:14 PM
Obviously John and I (the heart of the team and the best in this whole darn competition) know enough to stay away from the train wreck we call a team and let them take all the blame.

Can't believe they didn't get MY joke. Idiots.

Winner's circle, here I come.

"Craig... Dood!"
Posted by ARnutz on 02-12-05 at 09:32 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-12-05 AT 09:34 AM (EST)

I know I told you to stay UTR for awhile, but did you even say one word in this epsiode?

UTR doesn't mean don't speak. You are allowed to respond to John when you agree that Kristin handled everything all wrong.

You can speak from time to time, it's OK.

"RE: Craig... Dood!"
Posted by smokedog on 02-12-05 at 03:27 PM
Hey man, don't hate the player - hate the game. Just wait, the best is yet to come...

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by Estee on 02-16-05 at 04:51 PM
Someone made a joke? When? Was it funny?

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by BriarRosie on 02-11-05 at 01:24 PM
Whoa, did I actually have not one, but two confessionals
this time? Somebody pinch me, I do exist!

I still can't get over the incongruity of Bren, Mr. Republican
Conservative Good Ol' Boy, proposing that gay veggie porn idea.

Nobody else seemed to have any bright ideas, and you know I
wasn't going to stick my neck out. And geez, why didn't have
anyone to greet and handle the actors? Sure, we were not
professional, but don't actors sometimes need to wait around
at times?

Won't I be surprised to see all three of my teammates walk
through the door.


Under the radar...and diggin' it.

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by ARnutz on 02-12-05 at 09:42 AM
You are settling very nicely into the Amy Henry/Jen M. edit, huh?

~Speak occasionally, but intelligently.

~Don't volunteer to PM until around, say, task 7. Then win it.

~Go back UTR, for a few episodes to bide your time.

~Make it to the final four?


"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by kidflash212 on 02-11-05 at 01:26 PM
I was trying to be out of the box - really. When I don't get enough sleep visions of men washing each other just pop into my head. I still think it was better than the gooey joggers. I don't think my idea was a sign of any latent tendencies or anything - You saw the way I charmed the actress didn't you? I learned that right from your book Mr Trump - "How Funny Looking Men with Bad Hair Can Still Get Hot Chicks"



If I don't win I'm hoping to at least get a Brylcreem commercial - a lotta dabs'll do ya

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by BriarRosie on 02-11-05 at 01:33 PM
You're one of the best BS'ers I've ever seen. You're a
modern day snake oil salesman.

You defy reason at times, but you're not Danny. Don't
think I'm not grateful about that, either!



Bren is definitely not boring.

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by ginger on 02-11-05 at 02:30 PM
I wore a snappy hat. Did you notice?


So under that radar I need scuba gear.

"You too Tara..."
Posted by ARnutz on 02-12-05 at 09:37 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-12-05 AT 09:38 AM (EST)

As I told Craig, *points up*

you can speak every once in a while. Staying UTR doesn't mean acting like you don't exist. Respond to your team members every now and then.

Saying a sentence or two each episode will be fine.



"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by RollDdice on 02-14-05 at 01:56 PM
I learned that right from your book Mr Trump - "How Funny Looking Men with Bad Hair Can Still Get Hot Chicks"

Bad hair??! I'll have you know that my hair has made some crucial Trump Industries decisions and then it, uhh, I mean "I"... go on to score all of the hot chicks.

Can your fancy follicles match that?


Donald Trump's Hair: Paper or Plastic?

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by Jadzia2000 on 02-11-05 at 03:35 PM
My god. I couldn't believe they thought of this idea. Both of them..

If you're going to sell Body Wash, where's the one place you'd use it? In the bathtub/shower. Why not have a woman who's taking a relaxing bath, with cucumbers over her eyes and a glass of tea at the edge of the tub. Then when she reaches for the tea, she accidentally pushed it in the tub, sits up and the cuces drop in the tub too. Magically the water swishes together to generate foam and wala....the dove bottle floats out of the tub in a bubble.

It may not be thinking outside the box, but man, at least it would be explaining a product better. HELLOO!!!!

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by LakerLuv on 02-11-05 at 04:32 PM
>My god. I couldn't believe
>they thought of this idea.
> Both of them..
>
>If you're going to sell Body
>Wash, where's the one place
>you'd use it? In
>the bathtub/shower. Why not
>have a woman who's taking
>a relaxing bath, with cucumbers
>over her eyes and a
>glass of tea at the
>edge of the tub.
>Then when she reaches for
>the tea, she accidentally pushed
>it in the tub, sits
>up and the cuces drop
>in the tub too.
>Magically the water swishes together
>to generate foam and wala....the
>dove bottle floats out of
>the tub in a bubble.
>
>
>It may not be thinking outside
>the box, but man, at
>least it would be explaining
>a product better. HELLOO!!!!
>

Brilliant! You should be a contestant!

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by Fishercat on 02-11-05 at 03:51 PM
Today was an interesting week. I mean, both teams got called back, and after my tirade in the boardroom a couple weeks ago, I stayed under the radar and fairly quiet and it worked well enough, as my team is 2-1. Then those people in the boardroom told ME TO TALK AND I GOT ANGRY! I AM NOT COMFORTABLE IN PUBLIC SITUATIONS AND TALK ABOUT HOMOSESUANS! I HAVE NO PEOPLE SKILLS DAMNIT!!!

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by ginger on 02-11-05 at 04:39 PM
So are you gay, or not? I got confused in the boardroom.



"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by Fishercat on 02-11-05 at 06:34 PM
I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL!!!
---

Good job Chris, deny any relevance to us, let the straight reality freaks have you
Sincerely, Reichen
"George"
Posted by buckeyegirl on 02-12-05 at 12:57 PM
Where the heck are you? You finally got more lines then moi, and you're not going to brag about it??


BEG's Summaries

"RE: George"
Posted by ARnutz on 02-12-05 at 01:57 PM
Didn't you just love George during his confessional? He did a great job there, huh? The fans really wanted to see more of you two, so this season we're giving them that.

... and excuse me, but didn't you get to do the Dove ad with Donald? There is no way George could've sold that product! He just doesn't have that... ummm... let's just call it a "refreshed" look.


"RE: George"
Posted by RollDdice on 02-14-05 at 02:15 PM
Where the heck are you?

Perhaps he's having a haircut. (Or in his case, a hair re-arrangement?)


Donald Trump's Hair: Comb over and see me sometime.

"RE: George"
Posted by CantStandToLook on 02-19-05 at 01:54 AM
Well you have to remember that I'm old and forget very easily. I do confessionals all the time in the mirror, bathroom , closet...eh er..what was I talking about youngun.

Actually sadly, I still haven't seen last weeks episode

"RE: George"
Posted by RollDdice on 02-20-05 at 11:39 AM
Like that's ever stopped you before. Pfft.

"RE: George"
Posted by Angelfood on 02-20-05 at 03:41 PM
I know it's never stopped me before! ;)
If I missed, I just read the NBC site recap, and then would watch the weekend shows (which I don't even know if they are running this season).



"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by iwannabearealitystar on 02-14-05 at 07:55 PM
Sorry I took so long to comment, but I have been spending my Valentines weekend with my 2 best friends, Dove Body Wash and some firm hard cucumbers. How did I ever survive?! Thank you Bren for expanding my womanhood.

Thank God not only women, but apparently, Mr. Trump love them so gay porn, otherwise I would have been toast. Clearly, you and Malaria had a fantastic honeymoon. We really geared our campaign towards the Bravo folks (an NBC affiliate-I'm so studied).

The true lesson here is this...you can have a really crappy idea but if your team is happy so is Mr. T.

So, see ya Kristin--say hi to your "Director Boyfriend" and give me back my tweezers!

....Gotta love me some cucumbers!

"Jen's Commentary"
Posted by ARnutz on 02-15-05 at 02:31 PM
Well, I could be speechless over the performance on this task, but with my big mouth can I ever really be speechless?


I have three words candidates:

Oh.my.god.

Those so-called commercials were over the line guys. As Mr. Trump said, "disgusting"!

I don't think I can say it any better than he did... and you seemed like very promising candidates too.

I can't believe for the first time there was no winning team and no prize! It's a good thing Mr. Trump could only fire one of you.

On the next task, I think you should all go for redemption. Let's hit it out of the park!

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by Estee on 02-16-05 at 05:00 PM
What does Bren have on Mr. Trump? He should be in this taxi, not me. I did a good job! At least my commercial could have actually been put on the air! You could see what the product was, someone was using the product, they were visibly really happy to be using the product, and what did you think of my expanding diamond transition shot? My boyfriend taught me that one. It was all the rage in his Ed Wood 101 class. My commercial was a good commercial, and it only became the shining gem that it was because I was able to work around John and Craig's lousy idea to put my own individual stamp on what was, at best, a lump of shapeless wax waiting to be molded. What did the other team have? Cucumber pornography. And it was group effort steamy vegetables. They were all to blame! Thanks to my ability to take the helm of a sinking ship, only I stood to take the credit for my effort, which was -- again -- clearly a lot more successful than theirs.

And instead, I got fired.

Bren's blackmailing Mr. Trump. That's got to be it. If I can just find out how and where and with what, I can get to the material, destroy it, and get back in the game! Public apology -- several weeks' worth of automatic exemptions -- the right to stick Audrey's head on a pike... it can all be mine, and Suite #2 is the perfect place to do the research from.

Of course, if I find it, maybe I can blackmail Mr. Trump.

Hmmm.

I need to think about this for a while.

"RE: "Be the apprentice3" EP 4 - veggie porn"
Posted by kidflash212 on 02-18-05 at 03:42 PM
Blackmail?! Why, that's not nice little lady, What could I possibly use to blackmail Trump?



What pictures of Trump leaving the Hair Club for Men?

"Trump blackmail"
Posted by RollDdice on 02-18-05 at 04:06 PM
What? Pictures of Trump leaving the Hair Club for Men?

That's not blackmail. I was being honored as "Tonsorial Role Model of the Year". I'm quite proud of the ways I give back to the hirsute community.

Besides, Malaria likes lovingly running her fingers through my ... wait a second, I'm turning myself on.


Donald Trump's Hair: Complex Coifs Rule!