Ahh, the Pancake movie. Where should I begin?
Well, it was sixth grade, and Rye Country Day decided that this was the year to roll out the "WTF is happening to my body" videos; you know, the frequently crappy movies with a terrifically low budget that explain the apparent joy of pubic hair and monthly bleeding... but I digress.
The garbage that the lucky 11-year-old girls would watch was a cinematic masterpiece entitled "I Got IT!" For all of you lucky enough to have experienced your periods, doesn't this emotional outburst just totally sum up the joy you get when you cramp and bleed and wanna tear off peoples' limbs?
Me neither. But I digress.
Anyway, the plot centers on a girl, who we'll call Suzie. Suzie is going to a slumber party at her friend Becky's house, along with some other girl who says approximately 3 words, I'm certain which involve the word "period." Long story short, (too late! - brief side note: who else loves the movie Clue?) Suzie gets her period in the middle of the night.
Frantic to find something to stop her new... emm... womanhood from leaking all over the place, Suzie roots through Becky's bathroom, digging like a rabid badger to find some kind of feminine device.
Cue entrance of Becky's psycho mom
Becky's Psycho Mom, who we'll just call Mom, finds Suzie uprooting the bathroom, and asks insightfully, "Are you looking for something, Suzie?" Suzie states, loud n' proud, that she's looking for where Becky keeps her pads...
Mom ecstatically replies, "SUZIE?!? DID YOU GET YOUR PERIOD?"
Suzie politely nods, with an unenthusiastic yes. Clearly, she has noticed Mom's insanity. This will probably be the last time Suzie sleeps over at this house... Mom goes to prepare hot chocolate, and the two sit at the kitched table, presumably post Suzie's pad-putting-on, clinking mugs together in a celebratory fashion.
The next morning, Suzie tells Becky and no-speaky-girl about her period. No-speaky mumbles something about not getting her period yet and being jealous; Becky merely tells Suzie that she's lucky it didn't start while she was in class... How embarrassing! The girls then head to the kitchen for breakfast...
Warning: this is where it gets really grody. You've been given a heads up... I hope you don't like pancakes too much, because you'll never want them again...
Mom's hunched over the griddle making... something... she then calls the girls over; innocently, they think, oh good! Mom's made pancakes for breakfast. Well, they were right about that... except...
The effing pancake is shaped like the female reproductive system oh my god my eyes
As if this weren't bad enough, Mom then uses the pancakuterus to explain to the three now-traumatized girls how their period works. Frankly, if I were Becky, the only thing that could embarrass me more than this is if dad strolled in with a plate of sausages and eggs, ready to explain how penises work.
Then, in an ultimate moment of ecch-ness, the girls EAT THE UTERUS-CAKE
Now. I hope that delve into my emotional pain helped explain everything. This is the pancake movie, accept no substitutes.
Official OT lifeguard - Let's keep things PG-13, people.
