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Original Message
"It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by GG on 05-10-01 at 07:29 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-10-01 AT 07:46 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 05-10-01 AT 07:40 PM (EST)

In honor of my first post on OT, something mildly amusing (I hope). Warning: Lame-o-meter reading = high. Enjoy.

Voiceover:

Have you ever wondered why bum fluff is blue?
Have you ever wondered why Martha Stewart just isn't?
Have you ever wondered why Madonna can't act?
Have you have ever wondered why clowns can pick a fight in an empty room?
Have you ever wondered why Tina Wesson is so 'flat' that you could land an aeroplane on her?

Host: Well you've come to the right place, trivia pickers. We have assembled the most wordly-wise panel on the face of this earth to debate the most burning issues of the second. So without further ado, let's get straight into it. Let's begin with you Master Surviorerist. Sir..

Survivorerist: Amber

Host: I'm sorry?

Survivorerist: Amber

Host: Like the color?

Survivorerist: Amber, Amber, Amber, Amber....

Host: Um, yes. Ms. Kira?

VampKira: I suck.

Host: Well that's very honest of you.

VampKira: Literally I mean. Blood.

Host: I see, thanks for the clarification. I'll come back to you in a moment. Moving on to the lovely Ms Blu?

BluSavana: *lol*

Host: What's so funny?

BluSavana: Well...I..

Dalton: Oh shut it.

Host: That was kind of rude don't you think Ms. Dalton?

Dalton: Listen here nimrod. I haven't got time for lame ducks like you. I will say what is on my mind and I couldn't give two figs if you bloody like it or not.

VampKira: Mmmm. Blood.

Host: Let's not get hostile here.

Dalton: Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry.

Host: And what have we done to make you so irrate?

Idiotcowboy: Can I interject here host?

Host: By all means.

Idiotcowboy: Here's my take. OK, let's first use pseudonyms to protect the real identities.

Host: Of course.

Idiotcowboy: Well, take a woman we shall call, um, Scerry. Scerry is quite a b!tch and likes to whore herself by any means, foul or fair. Now let's add a gal called Not Fat Dizzy. She is the opposite of Scerri. Dizzy has a best male friend, Rubher, who in turn has a respect for a guy called Clobby. He respects him because he is strong and atheletic. Unfortunately, Clobby is not as bright as he would appear. You see, he recently turned down a million dollars because he really believed love makes the world go round. So a southern lass, Weener benefited instead. You following so far?

Host: er...

Idiotcowboy: Good. Now, Clobby has a thing for older woman. How is that relevant you ask? Well, Clobby's infatuation with Weener was only matched by his hatred for Scerry and her male equivalent, Cheech.

Host: Like Cheech and Chong ha ha

Idiotcowboy: Whatever. Anyway, Cheech thought he was the business. So Clobby decided to put him in his place. Weener helped him out. Last anyone's heard, Cheech is taking a lessons in false modesty and attending cooking staple foods CLASS 101. My point therefore is if Alicker pumps iron and you can't smell or see Bic, the dynamic is 4-3.

Host: Thank you Mr. Poke. Insightful as always. But that's only my opinion. What about the panel. Shall we put it to a vote?

BluSavana: Yes *lol* Gotta love the cowboy.

Dalton: Ask me if I care.

Survivorerist: Amber!

VampKira: I hate garlic.

DangerKitty: Two paws up!

DriveMyCar: Honk honk

Host: Ms Lisa, what about you?

ItzLiza: ItzLiza

Host: Yes. Lisa.

ItzLiza: Are you taking the piss? I said ItzLiza.

Host: Nevermind.

DangerKitty: Hey, that's my line!

ItzLiza: One more time. ItzLiza.

Host: Sorry folks. Gotta break for a commercial. Be right back. More fascinating chat ahead. Don't go away now.


HARDTALK part 2


Host: Welcome back to the debate. Nice to chat to you all as always. Let's hand the floor to Ms DriveMyCar.

DriveMycar: You can call me Ebug.

Host: Sure, whatever toots your horn. Sorry, couldn't resist.

BluSavana: *lol* Behave!

Ebug: I am the hostess with the mostest. I welcome all to the dark side.

BluSavana: Luke, I am your father. *lol*

Dalton: Oh, for the love of....

Host: I understand you're very social, especially in a bar.

Ebug: It IS a great bar. So if you want great company, come on down to..

Host: Sorry, gonna have to interrupt Ebug. We can't have free advertising on our show. But for anybody in our audience or at home who wants the name of the bar+grill, send us a SAE and tell us in not more than fifty words why you don't need to get a life. In the meantime, I see we have the owner and barkeep with us.

BadAs: That would be me. People call me Typo, man.

Host: Sorry, I'm confused.

BadAs: I suffer from Dual Personality Disorder.

Host: Is it serious?

Typoman: Hardly. Now pour me and my friends a drink woman.

Surviorerist: Amber is a true woman. Amber, Amber, Amber...

Host: I'm not a woman. And this isn't a bar I'm afraid.

BadAs: I own this joint. So there.

Host: Yes, we've established that. Let's just move on. Mr Icecat, you're very quiet tonight.

Icecat: Sorry. I was thinking about seafaring kangaroos.

Host: <stares blankly>

Icecat: Well, I can explain it to you better with visual aids.

Host: Um, sorry no time for that but...

Icecat: Would you like to see my catscan?

Host: I'd rather not.

Icecat: It's just a lot of hair really.

Host: Right. Time's almost up. Ms Dalton, care for a few last words?

Dalton: Bite me.

VampKira: Bite you. I will.

Survivorerist: I'd love to bite into Amb..I mean, a meatball sub.

BadAs: Come to my bar+grill.

BluSavana: Soap anyone?

Idiotcowboy: If ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas.

DangerKitty: Got milk?

Icecat: Who let the dogs out?

Host: Well it's been lively as always. Thanks for tuning in. If you would like to pose a question to our panel for future discussion get in touch. You can call our answerphone service on 1-800-DUH or email us at www.boresnoregowhore.com! Until next time, this is your host saying, GO KUCHA!!


P.S. It's all in jest. Promise!

EDITED FOR CONTENT

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"Wonderful Debut "
Posted by Drive My Car on 05-10-01 at 07:44 PM
GG, this is great!!! The Lame-o Meter should say 0.
Cracked me up.

Welcome to the Off Topic. Self control is up to you, we have no 12 step program here.

Honk Honk

EBug

"RE: Wonderful Debut .......comments..."
Posted by Dalton on 05-12-01 at 10:13 PM
We do have a METER @OT.....WEBBY!!! How else did we get
these lame ass catagories of DAW's nicknames.

Unfortunately Webby is
like an old Vegas downtown slot machine.....ya have to put
a TON of QUARTERS into him to get his attention; but when
the bells & whistles go off....step back!!! Hope it's your
Jackpot and not 100,000 volts of electricity frying your
butt off SB.com. for choking up the machinery with slugs.

And while many residents and visitors here on SB are/have been/should be/ in a 12-step program....a simple 3 strikes ---
ya go sit in the penalty box and quit yer whining or grow
another (hopefully better) personality. Heck, everybody
gets that!!

I always picture EBug sounding:
"Beep; pardon me."
"Beep; check your signal."
"Beep; happy to have you, but stay in one lane."
And since la Bugge is "oooh la la" the "beep" is pronounced in french rising to a question mark.

Dalton

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by Survivorerist on 05-10-01 at 07:46 PM
Great job, GG! Or, as you might say, a ripping good post!

>>>Scerry, Weener, Cheech, Clobby, etc.<<<

That was great!

>>>www.boresnoregowhore.com<<<

bwahahahaha!

================

Survivorerist

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by BluSavana on 05-10-01 at 07:53 PM
Woohoo! I knew ur first DarkSide post would be a keeper! *lol* U got me down pat, except for the other stuff. Tanks, BluSavana


God bless the Army!

Stop eye-balling me Recruit Lemon!

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by VampKira on 05-10-01 at 09:01 PM
Buwwwaaahhhh!
ROTFLMAO!!!!
Oh My! Welcome... Yes! Welcome.. to the Dark Side... You know us well...........

w.l.s.f.c.

Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska


"RE: Observation on Blu...Lisa....and the Vamp...."
Posted by Dalton on 05-12-01 at 11:10 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-13-01 AT 00:18 AM (EST)

These three Wonder Women of the Bar get away with doing
all the wild antics,
all the consorting with and confusing of....
but they are just nice, normal girls who are
trying to have fun!!! ROTFLMAO...MA!!!

Watch'em like a Hawk!!

Never say "bite" to the Vamp; Recognize when she needs
new "sources" of blood & snag another sucker/spoiler
w/funny blood.

Lisa JUST ITZ....very frequently and very well
(rumors abound here).

BluSavana is a riddle a day wearing a different hat! She is
hilarious when she's not being funny. The night Colby LOST... Blu let me wear her "HaHa Hat" in the Bar chat....aaaaawwww.

DangerKitty....Well, I have a theory DK is actually 4 people
instead of one!!! She's only been here a short time but she
is everywhere at once....and I admire that quality.

Dalton
PS. To DK & everybody else who sent stuff to my "Inbox". I'm
sorry I never replied...but I don't "click" much and inboxes
fall under never clicked thingies. Although GT did tell me
how to click to send email to one person if necessary.


"Great job"
Posted by AyatollahKhomeini on 05-10-01 at 10:04 PM
GG, not only did you do a great job trying to spoil vidcaps, but I think you have the O/T Board spoiled as well! Wonderful job of capturing everyone's personality in the game...
"RE: Great job"
Posted by Lightmage81 on 05-10-01 at 11:13 PM
man.....
and I was stuck on the other boards the whole time!
"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by IceCat on 05-11-01 at 04:35 AM
Damn!

I feel like I've been... exposed!

I feel like my true essence was there before me on the screen.

I'm like... 'yes, I'd say something like that... but then I would follow it up with a video reference - OMG!'

GG you have been paying attention very, very well....

Almost too well?


Keep em coming!

<click> Phase delayed OMG Counter

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by Cherberrie on 05-11-01 at 06:35 AM

OMG! <click>

That was super cala fragalistic fantastic, GT! Thank goodness I wasn't in the panel!!!


Cherberrie

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by George Tirebiter on 05-11-01 at 02:53 PM
>That was super cala fragalistic fantastic, GT!
Sorry, Cher--it was GG. . . and I agree it was a blessing to be excluded! (And you must know if I'd been responsible, you would've made at least one ass reference! )

GG--In defense of my supposed alter-ego, you got Dalton's smart-ass side down, but you forgot her humor! She is waaaaaay up there on the funny-meter, trust me.

Oh, the OT is shaping up pretty well, this off-season--see? we don't need no stinkin' Survivor to lively up THIS group! Welcome to The Dark Side, GG.

GT

(Oh, look! My next post will be 700! Woo-hoo!)

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by Drive My Car on 05-11-01 at 03:27 PM
Always 100 behind me

EBug

"eBuggy. . ."
Posted by George Tirebiter on 05-11-01 at 04:15 PM
. . . you smartass! Of course, your greeter job dictates more frequent posting. . . (I can't begrudge you your numbers, sweetie!)

And of course there's that old "quality over quantity" argument, so THAT'S my story, and I'm sticking to it!

Back to the Lame-o Show: Couldn't help but notice that we didn't get the answers to the original questions. . . I'm dying to know why bum fluff is blue (I'm afraid to look), and I don't wonder WHY Madonna can't act (or sing)--I just wonder why people keep acting like she CAN! Martha Stewart? (Ack.) She does it all with mirrors (and peons). The rest? My attention span disorder caused me to forget--but you can be sure I'll fall awake around 4:00 in the morning and be really pissed about not knowing the answers! (I HATE it when that happens. . .)

GT

See? I'm over 700 now--and supremely disappointed that I'm STILL in the Herbal Healing biz! Webby, why don't we change at every hundred?

"RE: eBuggy. . ."
Posted by Survivorerist on 05-11-01 at 04:19 PM
>>>See? I'm over 700 now--and supremely disappointed that I'm STILL in the Herbal Healing biz! Webby, why don't we change at every hundred?<<<

You just need 50 more and you'll be judging thong contests! C'mon GT, I know you can do it!

================

Survivorerist

"RE: eBuggy. . ."
Posted by GG on 05-12-01 at 02:50 PM
>Back to the Lame-o Show:
>Couldn't help but notice that
>we didn't get the answers
>to the original questions. .
>. I'm dying to know
>why bum fluff is blue
>(I'm afraid to look), and
>I don't wonder WHY Madonna
>can't act (or sing)--I just
>wonder why people keep acting
>like she CAN! Martha Stewart?
>(Ack.) She does it all
>with mirrors (and peons). The
>rest? My attention span disorder
>caused me to forget--but you
>can be sure I'll fall
>awake around 4:00 in the
>morning and be really pissed
>about not knowing the answers!
>(I HATE it when that
>happens. . .)

GT, I wish I knew the answers too! And don't feel bad; your exclusion this time is only because I'm just familialrizing myself with those on the OT board. You WILL get your day in the sun along with Cher, Leif, Supe et al. Coming soon to your local Lame-O channel......

+GG

"RE: YEAH.....What GT Said......"
Posted by Dalton on 05-13-01 at 01:29 AM
LLL (Life Lesson Learned) if *I* can stay out of a thread
here long enough..hehehe...GT will end up saying it all
for me!!! And thanks, Georgie....I agree; I'm at least as
FUNNY as I am MEAN.

BTW....GT and Dalton are two completely different women not
any "alter ego" crapola. Dalton, big sigh, is the one who
when she wakes up at 4am with the "answer" or the "question"
HAS to turn on the lamp and jot it down on the everpresent
notepad!!!

BTW....we miss GT in the Bar; maybe now that Sleeeeeeves is
hanging out there we may see more of Ms. G!! Has he told
you how he earns those extra "eee's" yet?? UMMMM?

OMG....did GG nail the picture perfect ScatCan/IceCat??
GG has the IdiotCowboy's 2 + 2 = 5 because 3 things can happen;
hence yakkety yak will result....down purty good....lol.

Lastly, "Freaks and Geeks" is way too "friendly & inviting"...
it'll just attract too many wantabees. I mean, geeze, we've
already got sig pics and other cuty-pie features.

Question I wonder about is......Why am I so RELIEVED that Survivor2 is OVER??

Dalton

"Thank Goda'mighty, I'm free at last! (well, almost)"
Posted by George Tirebiter on 05-13-01 at 12:26 PM
>BTW....we miss GT in the Bar; maybe now that Sleeeeeeves is
>hanging out there we may see more of Ms. G!! Has he told
>you how he earns those extra "eee's" yet?? UMMMM?
I have a newsflash of my own--my son just announced he's finally got his own ISP lined up (YEAH!), it's DSL (GRRR--jealousy!), and sometime later this month I will be free of our unholy (and probably illegal in some way) alliance to share one account. If I can keep the gag reflex in check whilst having to use Exploder, I will, indeed, be present more often at the old watering hole.

And I'm all a-twitter waiting for The Tale of the Extra vowels--is it a dirty story?

And I think we're all relieved that SII is over because those feebs outlasted our attention spans. I don't think 15 minutes is quite what it used to be.


GT

"GT..."
Posted by dangerkitty on 05-13-01 at 01:06 PM
I will be free
>of our unholy (and probably
>illegal in some way) alliance

After the Colbster-and- his-mom saga...please, GT, don't go there... you're asking for trouble on these boards...


If
>I can keep the gag
>reflex in check

You didn't be chance mean to type "gang", did you??


Just looking out for you, darling.

dangerkitty

"Nevermind" - Kurt Cobain and Emily Litella

"RE: GT..."
Posted by George Tirebiter on 05-13-01 at 05:36 PM
>Just looking out for you, darling.
teeheehee, DK! No--it's not THAT kind of relationship, cyber or otherwise! But it's good of you to look out for me.


GT

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by Cherberrie on 05-13-01 at 09:02 AM

Oh, look! My next post will be 700! Woo-hoo!

Congrats, GT! Here's a champagne toast to you! *lifts glass*

P.S.
I ever so quietly broke 900 yesterday. Now that I'm ahead of Leifsy, I'm just beside myself!



Cherberrie

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by idiotcowboy on 05-11-01 at 09:02 AM
GG

See now I told you this wasn't that hard!

OT is a fun place to be, glad your here in our own little "Freeks and Geeks" arena.

Finally, now that your here, don't be a stranger... of course come to think of it... I told you that about chat too, and... you've been there like every single night this week... and we're not talking drop in a say good nite were taking lock the joint up... perhaps... <psst, cowboy how do you know that?> ... ummm... nevermind.

Welcome aboard GG!!!

-ICB

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by George Tirebiter on 05-12-01 at 09:16 PM
>our own little "Freaks and Geeks" arena
Quick! someone give this boy a seee-gar! I think he's coined the perfect name for the OT!

GT

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by ItzLisa on 05-11-01 at 03:05 PM
I LOVE it when they get my name right!!! Hee hee! Nice one, GG!!!!

**************************************
W.L.S.F.C. - NY chapter

"RE: It's The Lame-O Show"
Posted by dangerkitty on 05-12-01 at 10:36 PM
I love this post. I love it, I love it, I love it!!

You are value-added for sure, GG. Keep 'em comin!

Especially loved your Dalton impersonation. Heehee!!!!


dangerkitty

"Nevermind" - Kurt Cobain and Emily Litella

"RE: Truly Terrific PluPerfect Adaptation of....."
Posted by Dalton on 05-13-01 at 02:17 AM
the loonies and looniness which is the OT Board...
WTG GG!!!

Just a few questions and observations:

What are/is "bum fluff"?? And why is "blue"....oh, nevermind!

Ya know what Martha Stewart, Madonna and Clowns have in
common? They all use too many props and too much paint &
glitz to cover for lack of originality and real talent!!

Helpful Hint....Real 'Mericans say "Airplane" not "aeroplane".
I admit that "humor" spelled "humour" is funny....but planes
that fly on "aero"?? I think not. What happens if the
enjuenes failo? Do aeroplaes fallo?

Da Nada and Via Con Dios.

Dalton

"RE: Truly Terrific PluPerfect Adaptation of....."
Posted by GG on 05-13-01 at 04:33 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-13-01 AT 02:04 PM (EST)

Dalton

I'm human. I'm British. I lapsed. What more can I say? Bollocks?

"RE: Truly Terrific PluPerfect Adaptation of....."
Posted by taginite on 05-13-01 at 05:59 AM
...and they're squinkin..

-woof on

"RE: Truly Terrific PluPerfect Adaptation of....."
Posted by dangerkitty on 05-13-01 at 01:00 PM
>Ya know what Martha Stewart, Madonna
>and Clowns have in
>common? They all use too
>many props and too much
>paint &
>glitz to cover for lack of
>originality and real talent!!

>Helpful Hint....Real 'Mericans say "Airplane" not
>"aeroplane".
>I admit that "humor" spelled "humour"
>is funny....but planes
>that fly on "aero"?? I
>think not. What happens
>if the
>enjuenes failo? Do aeroplaes fallo?

Dalton......ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!

You slay me, woman!!!! Bwahahahahahahahahahah!!!

dangerkitty

"Nevermind" - Kurt Cobain and Emily Litella

"Welcome GG!!!"
Posted by mistofleas on 05-14-01 at 02:54 PM
Damn you're funny boy!!! The first post on OT is always a little scary, but when you see what fantabulous people are here, you won't be able to stay away.
Welcome to the dark side, sit, stay awhile
You got everyone down in that post GG. (All you gotta do is add a Cha Ching every now and then and it'll be perfect!)

mistofleas