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Forum: DCForumID6
Thread Number: 38742
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Original Message
"Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 04-22-17 at 11:37 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-22-17 AT 02:18 PM (EST)

http://tinyurl.com/foonerville

We've found what could be Fooner's paradise. And, since we are all best friends, our paradise too.

For 3.5 Mill Mayor Fooner can cut the ribbon on a laid back existence in a tiny town surrounded by national forest in Oregon. With no silly illegal moonshining rules, no silly rules about loud music, and no stop lights.

All that is needed is a kickstarter campaign, and the easy life will begin.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"*Claps Hands Together* YES!!"
Posted by foonermints on 04-23-17 at 02:31 PM
My very own town! Dayuuum!
You are right! We'll set up the Town Still right behind my new office. A copper vat as big as the ones those girls used to bathe in on "Petticoat Juncction"!
No stop lights? You bet. Just a speed trap consisting of a log that falls on the car if it's going faster than I want it to, which is whatever I feel like. The "Speed Trap Log" will only fall near more expensive cars, which I will confiscate. The fine? Two years hard labor for the miscreant - In the local peach orchards (brandy) and Corn Fields (duh).
Now.. as to loud music.. I will expand on this

As Lieutenant Mayor, I appoint Kingfish, although I may kick him to the curb in favor of greenmachine. Who will step up? And who will fix that crooked rain gutter over my new store?

"Applying..."
Posted by kingfish on 04-23-17 at 07:47 PM
...for the position of town dirty old man.

I think I have a knack.

"RE: *Claps Hands Together* YES!!"
Posted by cahaya on 04-23-17 at 09:24 PM
Well, howdy, Mayor Fooner! I hear ya needs a new sheriff to trap them thar outatown speedsters in their fancy schmancy cars!

If you gots ya a sheriff awready, I'll happily serve as the tax collector and treasurer.

"applying for position of...."
Posted by jbug on 04-23-17 at 09:03 PM
? ummmmm..... what's available?


"RE: applying for position of...."
Posted by foonermints on 04-24-17 at 06:15 PM
What are you interested in, Ms jBug? No doubt a position of Authority! Deputy Mayor? Someone has to look after the shenanigans of The Official Dirty Old Man, and keep the new Sherrif under control with that new Red Tesla he got yesterday.

Hmm.. how did he afford that the first day on the job?

"RE: applying for position of...."
Posted by kingfish on 04-24-17 at 07:08 PM
Also, the position of Roving Reporter for the Foonerville Funtime News is open. In Foonerville, the news is not restricted by facts.

"Uh Oh!"
Posted by foonermints on 04-24-17 at 07:53 PM
The Dirty Old Man may be a spy for FOX.
Keep your eye on him, Sherrif!

Deputy Mayor jBug: Watch them both. As closely as we should have been watching that Suzzee girl, wherever SHE vanished to.

Is there a black hole located South of town?

"RE: Uh Oh!"
Posted by jbug on 04-24-17 at 10:01 PM
black hole? I don't know about that....
but I'm pretty sure there is a hangin tree near by if needed....

yes, I'm that kind of sheriff

"Co-Sherrif!"
Posted by foonermints on 04-25-17 at 06:48 PM
OK, you are Oficially Co-Sherrif with Cahaya. You look after the hangings, and anybody left can be delt with by your partner.

I hear he makes a mean Pasta Fazool.

"RE: Co-Sherrif!"
Posted by cahaya on 04-25-17 at 10:27 PM
Woo, I gots me a depetty, an' a lady at that, yeehaw!

Dunna worry, I'll give her plenty of rope.

"Remember"
Posted by foonermints on 04-26-17 at 03:26 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-26-17 AT 03:27 AM (EST)

The Dirty Old Man is protected from hanging by Mayoral Decree.
Plus, I think he hangs out near that tree waiting for entertainment, when he isn't guzzling moonshine at the Foonerbar.


My best customer, if he'd only pay his bill. Probably ony carries Quatloos or something.

"Foonerbar..."
Posted by cahaya on 04-26-17 at 10:34 PM
... ist wunderbar!
"RE: Co-Sherrif!"
Posted by jbug on 04-30-17 at 08:56 PM
smoochies....


"Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 04-28-17 at 03:29 PM
Does NOT need a new roof. Certainly not from spamming idiots.
"RE: Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 04-28-17 at 07:32 PM
We got a she-sheriff who was elected on the platform of making the hanging tree great again by hanging spammers.

Much more fun than hanging Chad, after the first couple of times old Chad kinda lost his entertainment value. And he sorta stunk too. Spammers are a lot more fun to watch turn blue and purple and green. They keep coming back, so we might as well and make use of them.

"RE: Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 04-28-17 at 08:23 PM
Fertilizer!
"RE: Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 04-29-17 at 01:44 AM
And no nail stylists, neither!
"RE: Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 04-29-17 at 03:46 AM
Unless she is cute, legal and will work next door to both the Foonerbar© and helps the girls "Upstairs" in the Kingfish Tavern". They need to look their best, claws and all.
"RE: Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 04-30-17 at 01:41 PM
Ye Olde Kingfish Tavern!

Home base for really really cute but raunchy girls of the upstairs entertainment corps. They do give parking validations.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville ©"
Posted by foonermints on 05-03-17 at 12:51 PM
Foonerville © will be updating The Kingfish Tavern "massage spa", complete with sauna and steam bath, and of course, hot tubs. This was possible due to all the "under the table money" generous kickbacks donations to the Mayor's reelection campaign. Which by the way is unneeded as he is the unopposed Fearless Leader of Foonerville© is greatly appreciated not to mention the side benefits.


As an addendum: Henceforth and Forever Dr Phil and similar Dodo Birds are banned from the town limits (although they may still be hunted with a size 12 boot and larger in the woods on the outskirts, for a good kicking.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville ©"
Posted by cahaya on 05-03-17 at 11:09 PM
although they may still be hunted with a size 12 gauge shotgun boot and larger in the woods on the outskirts, for a good kicking recoil.

Fixed.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville ©"
Posted by foonermints on 05-04-17 at 01:55 PM
Had a slight problem with my "train of thought" there. The Mayor appreciates your correction!

All Whoopi Goldbergs and even look-alikes are also banned to the size 12 woods out-of-town.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville ©"
Posted by kingfish on 05-04-17 at 08:42 PM
Just don't ban Miami beach babes. I would be sad.

"Foonerville ©"
Posted by foonermints on 05-04-17 at 10:29 PM
Your Mayor has only seen pictures. Miami Beach Babes are definitely welcome in MY town. As long as they are clothed in an appropriate fashion.
"RE: Foonerville ©"
Posted by cahaya on 05-04-17 at 11:59 PM
Miami Beach Babes are definitely welcome in MY town. As long as they are unclothed in an appropriate fashion.

Fixed.

The local sheriff here won't make any misdemeanor arrests for in decent exposure.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 05-05-17 at 03:03 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-05-17 AT 03:22 AM (EST)


The council is working on an official song.. I was thinking "Land Ho" by the Doors..
Emmylou Harris is also a possibility. I like to hear her yammering out of Ye Odle Kingfish Tavern. Yodeling?

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 05-05-17 at 01:36 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-05-17 AT 01:37 PM (EST)

Emmy Lou can wag her epiglottis in ye olde tavern any older time.

"Land Ho!"
Posted by cahaya on 05-05-17 at 10:05 PM
Grandma loved a sailor, who sailed the frozen sea
Grandpa was that whaler and he took me on his knee
He said: "Son, I'm going crazy from livin' on the land
Got to find my shipmates and walk on foreign sands"

This old man was graceful with silver in his smile
He smoked a briar pipe and he walked four country miles
Singing songs of shady sisters and old time liberty
Songs of love and songs of death and songs to set men free
Ya!

I've got three ships and sixteen men
A course for ports unread
I'll stand at mast, let north winds blow till half of us are dead
Land ho!

Well, if I get my hands on a dollar bill gonna buy a bottle and drink my fill
If I get my hands on a number five gonna skin that litlle girl alive
If I get my hand on a number two come back home and marry you
Marry you, marry you
Alright!
Land ho!



Piracy on the high seas and flying of the Jolly Roger by agman

"Cocaine"
Posted by foonermints on 05-06-17 at 00:15 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-06-17 AT 00:33 AM (EST)

Friggin' Ye Olde KingFish Tavern. If i ever hear Eric Clapton again, I'll have to buy concert tickets. Although I can live with "Sweet Home Alabama" Makes me want to Kalabash my size 12.

Oz Never Gave anything to the Tin Man, either.

"RE: Cocaine"
Posted by kingfish on 05-06-17 at 01:24 PM
Saved a little moonshine,eh?


"Long Gone"
Posted by foonermints on 05-06-17 at 04:52 PM
Might need a Summer Exchange. I'll host. Just quit SpecOps, but I am still the Goddam mayor of Foonerville ©
"RE: Long Gone"
Posted by kingfish on 05-07-17 at 08:07 AM
Who's in charge of getting possums out of the basement? Don't say me, I won't go near one of those monster rats. They got teeth. And they hiss.
"RE: Longer Around Than You"
Posted by foonermints on 05-07-17 at 03:17 PM
Will ever be. Marsupials, breeding thousands of new Rats in your basement. Pray to the Baby Jesus it gets tired of your company and Leaveth They Way It Came..
Remember, they ate the Dinosaurs. Who's next?

'Possums are now the Official Bird of Foonerville©

"Mayor Fooney Brown"
Posted by kingfish on 05-12-17 at 10:56 AM

There's a village hidden deep in the valley
Among the pine trees half forlorn
And there on a sunny morning
Mayor Fooney Brown was born

(bung, bung, bung, bung)
All the chapel bells were ringing in the little valley town
And the song that they were singing was for baby Fooney Brown
Then the little congregation prayed for guidance from above
"Lead us not into Boink-u-tation, bless this hour with a jar of Shine, Guide him to drinks on the house for all beach babes!!!!

"Chapel Bells Go "BUNG"?!"
Posted by foonermints on 05-12-17 at 07:42 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-12-17 AT 07:46 PM (EST)

Great Poetry, but where's the tune? I henceforth declare "Mayor Fooney Brown" the official poem of Foonerville © Could be sung with a garage band as backup. Kick out Jim Morrison. This is fresher, and he's dead anyway. *sob*

Where is my last cask of Mead?! More Mead!! More Mead!!!

Then I can design some funky sigpics for Foonerville ©

"Tilts cask and sucks last drops from bunghole.."
Oh wait, that doesn't sound quite right..

Cr@p, I need a mouthpiece to write these thins.. {/Ricky Ricardo}

"RE: Chapel Bells Go "BUNG"?!"
Posted by cahaya on 05-12-17 at 10:57 PM
I was thinking of a CCR tune with Fogerty at the vocal lead, rhythm and key something like Born on the Bayou, something kingfish (living in those parts) would dig.
"RE: Chapel Bells Go "BUNG"?!"
Posted by kingfish on 05-12-17 at 11:01 PM
Yes they do. French bells do. Bung Bung Bung Bung.

But that's a good decision, the FoonerVille Anthem.

I wrote it many years ago (in France, 1945 in Bastogne recovering from wounds suffered in the battle of the bulge - I had to use the pseudonyms Jean Villard Gilles and Marc Herrand for legal reasons) and later recorded by Roy Orbison;

http://tinyurl.com/foonervilleanthem

I let him record it because he could hit higher notes than I could. Of course I could have changed to a more accessible key, but, well, Roy begged so miserably that I let him have it. And did I get any royalties? Did I? No. I didn't. So I let the Browns try it. They did pretty well too.

The nun who nursed me back to health? Well, that's another story which coincidently also involved barrels of mead.

So Bring on the Mead, I declare this to be Sexy Beach Bunny Nun Day.

"Only The Lonely"
Posted by foonermints on 05-13-17 at 02:41 AM
Still gotcha some of that Blabtist Preacher Inya? God take me to Heaven and throw me back to Hell. Why is the Mayor of Foonerville © still on the Plant? .. or PLANET.


I believe we need some pretty women on the Beach.

"Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 05-07-17 at 05:13 PM
A nice day by the Foonerville© coast..

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 05-07-17 at 11:28 PM
It looks kinda lonely out there... where are the beach babes?

You need to appoint a Foonerville tourism board to generate some interest in this sleepy town.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 05-08-17 at 08:44 AM
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the sleepy little town of zrfoonerville, which is in the middle of a national forest, also has an ocean.

And also don't want no stinkin' tourists. The hanging tree was plenty good enough entertainment for our pappys, and it's good enough for us.

"Upon reflection,"
Posted by kingfish on 05-08-17 at 06:50 PM
...we do have a need for a beach babes tourists bureau.
"RE: Upon reflection,"
Posted by cahaya on 05-08-17 at 10:09 PM
For sure... we've already got enough beach bums around here, just not enough beach buns.


Ragtop Ride by foonermints

"The Foonerville Coast.."
Posted by foonermints on 05-13-17 at 03:02 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-13-17 AT 03:09 AM (EST)


Not quite Midnight in the Gaden of Good and Evil.

Gadsden? Garden? Fu*k ie Wookie! Obviousl I misSpoke.
I let my words speak for themselves. Your Mayor might need some zHrelp,

"RE: The Foonerville Coast.."
Posted by foonermints on 05-13-17 at 10:37 AM
Dad Gum It! Another "a" in "Gaden" and I could be John F. Kennedy!

No, your Mayor still hasn't sobered up.

"Foonerville © Filming Rights"
Posted by foonermints on 05-13-17 at 10:55 AM
Question: Should we allow Steven Seagull to film even worse than "B" grade movies in our town?
"RE: Foonerville © Filming Rights"
Posted by kingfish on 05-13-17 at 11:37 AM
I say yes, if he isn't in them. Pornstars welcome to dine in Ye Olde Kingfish Inn while in town. Just stary out of the basement, scary hairy big assed rats down there, plus that's where Seagull stays.
"RE: Foonerville © Filming Rights"
Posted by cahaya on 05-15-17 at 01:41 PM
But we will allow filming of the movie adaptation of Jonathan Livingston Seagull on our beaches. Such an inspirational story, even if it's only about seagulls.

What about the rumored Baywatch 2 TV series?

Or the other rumor of a Jaws V movie? Are there any sharks in our waters? Kingfish oughta know.

"RE: Foonerville © Filming Rights"
Posted by kingfish on 05-15-17 at 03:01 PM
I am the shark in these waters. But I only bite beach babes. And an occasional seagull (the birdy type).

Bring on Baywatch.

"Shark Attack! by The Surf Punks.."
Posted by foonermints on 05-15-17 at 05:50 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-16-17 AT 02:11 PM (EST)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD3ZyFWYlLM

You'll need to cut and paste, lazies!
Why? Your Mayor is somehow handicapped in the brain..


AAh! reminds me of 1969.

"Peace thru..."
Posted by cahaya on 05-18-17 at 11:41 PM

Courtesy of the Foonerville Sheriff's Department & Foonerville Militia Corps

"RE: Peace thru..."
Posted by kingfish on 05-19-17 at 10:19 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-19-17 AT 07:06 PM (EST)

The Militia Corps. Aka the regular sots at the bar of Ye Olde Kingfish Saloon. Aka, us.

"Foonerville Tourism Cordinator"
Posted by kingfish on 05-19-17 at 07:09 PM

He has access to free travel vouchers, I hear.

"RE: Foonerville Tourism Cordinator"
Posted by foonermints on 05-20-17 at 00:09 AM
As Long as that stinkin' piece of Chinese pottery can get Beach Babes. Temporary hire..

"He keeps his mouth shut,"
Posted by kingfish on 05-20-17 at 11:58 AM
and his eyes shut, and he can be weaponized. (that pointy head)
"Militia Tee Shirt.."
Posted by foonermints on 05-19-17 at 08:45 PM
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 05-21-17 at 02:49 PM
One of the many churches in Foonerville © is open.

We run a quiet and quaint little Ville here. Those who say we don't are lying, and they can damn well go to quieter places, like The Calgary Stampede, or freaking Sturgis during the Motorcycle Rally.
Enjoy South Dakota! Y'all wouldn't know a good time if it walked up to ya and smacked you in the face..

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 05-24-17 at 07:03 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-24-17 AT 11:39 PM (EST)

The latest Foonerville news will be published in the "Better Foonerville than Soonerville Daily Picayune" in the Survivor Basher's "Be The Survivor" thread.

"Fooner's retreat"
Posted by kingfish on 05-27-17 at 02:12 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-27-17 AT 02:39 PM (EST)


When Fooner needs a rest from the pressures of running the government of a busy metropolis like Foonerville (6 people, 6 chickens - oops, 5 chickens and a fresh batch of chicken fingers, one blind mountain goat and it's mate, an equally blind Yak, and a Skidoo), this is where you'll find him. If he manages to sober up and is tired of plowing the wheat fields as well as... ( well, 'nuff said), he parties hardy in the valley where the sun don't shine.

http://tinyurl.com/norse-canada

Welcome to Canada in Norway, where they both don't speak American.


"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 06-01-17 at 01:03 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-17 AT 01:12 AM (EST)

Foonerville ™ will now install speed bumps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOM0Vq28wVc

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 06-01-17 at 12:17 PM
The first ride in the Foonerville Fun Park, as well as Foonerville justice, and an alternate form of entertainment from the Hanging Tree.

Definitely not OSHA approved, but who needs those Nazis anyway?

"Gisele"
Posted by foonermints on 06-01-17 at 01:57 PM
Wasn't too hot, anyway. We're putting Wolfgang in the basement laboratory. Your Mayor requires a pet Frankenstein!
"So..."
Posted by kingfish on 06-01-17 at 05:25 PM
Igor is fired?

"RE: So..."
Posted by foonermints on 06-03-17 at 04:03 PM
I will be sending Igor out to procure organs..
"Do Not Disturb!"
Posted by foonermints on 06-04-17 at 04:58 PM
Your Mayor is watching one of the Classics..

The Neanderthal Man
(1953)
A scientist turns his maid into an ape-woman, his cat into a tiger and himself into an ape-man.
Robert Shayne, Richard Crane, Doris Merrick, Robert Long, Joyce Terry

"RE: Do Not Disturb!"
Posted by kingfish on 06-04-17 at 06:36 PM
Is the apewoman seeing anyone?
"Nah.."
Posted by foonermints on 06-06-17 at 10:34 PM
Ape-girl is accessable, but your Mayor has moved on to more intrigueing "High-Brow" contemplation..

Journey to the Seventh Planet
(1962)
An astronaut leads U.N. explorers to Uranus, where a giant eye feeds them images from their minds.
John Agar, Greta Thyssen, Ann Smyrner, Ulla Moritz, Mimi Heinrich

I'm sending Igor through the basement time machine to retrieve Greta..

"Speed bumps?"
Posted by cahaya on 06-03-17 at 10:59 PM
Hey, the local sheriff need those hurryin' speedin' outatown cars for revenue collection purposes, Mr FoonerMayor!


Ragtop Ride by foonermints

Nice flip there at the end!

"RE: Speed bumps?"
Posted by kingfish on 06-04-17 at 11:18 AM
Mo Money!


"RE: Speed bumps?"
Posted by foonermints on 06-07-17 at 11:50 AM
The Sherrif gets to go through their pockets immediately for any possible cash and credit cards ID, of course.
"Who's got Mail?"
Posted by kingfish on 06-05-17 at 10:42 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-05-17 AT 10:44 AM (EST)

OK, whose been stealing my mail? If I don't get my Publisher's Clearing House Entries I can't win the millions they say I've already won, and if I don't get rich I will be an unhappy camper.

Just a tip to the mail carrier, that grumpy old man sitting on the porch with a shotgun and a menacing look on his face is harmless unless you are a teenager cutting across my (I mean his) lawn, or that pesky squirrel that keep stealing pecans from MY tree (I mean his tree). Those are MY pecans (I mean his) and no cute little bunnies or pesky squirrels are going to steal them from ME (I mean him).

Changing the subject, I still want to meet that sexy apewoman. Long hairy arms and a liking for picking fleas off my back turns me on. And I have a room above Me Olde Tavern for kinky goings on, so she can make a few bucks on the side. Which ever side she prefers.

Nothing like a shotgun toting Apewoman millionaire SWOOP to start the morning with, I tells ya.



"Swoop!"
Posted by foonermints on 06-05-17 at 08:54 PM
The only one who remembers..

Obviously, all that Moonshine didn't kill off the last Braincell. Better work on that..

"RE: Swoop!"
Posted by kingfish on 06-06-17 at 01:41 AM
God bless that last brain cell.
"RE: Swoop!"
Posted by kingfish on 06-06-17 at 02:55 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-06-17 AT 07:05 PM (EST)

Also kinda waiting on the letter from a Nigerian prince. So where's my mail?

And how's my little Sugar Ape baby? Her name should be Ape-ril because she's the Ape-ril of my eye.

"RE: Swoop!"
Posted by cahaya on 06-06-17 at 10:19 PM
Fine swoop and you've got me beat in the race to 20k.

If you're truly investigative, you'd visit your Nigerian prince for who he is. The princess might interest me.

As they say, Ape-ril showers bring May flowers and your Ape baby might be having one of her own.

You're the town King Kong, Ape man!

"RE: Who's got Mail?"
Posted by cahaya on 06-06-17 at 10:24 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-06-17 AT 10:26 PM (EST)

PCH is a lottery scam, with worthless online time to play the game. If you're doing snail mail, you'll always hear from them except about any winnings.

"RE: Who's got Mail?"
Posted by kingfish on 06-07-17 at 12:04 PM
But, but...they said I've already won.
"Your Weight"
Posted by foonermints on 06-07-17 at 02:51 PM
In weiners? Gisele would be happy!

"RE: Your Weight"
Posted by cahaya on 06-07-17 at 05:06 PM
Hawt dawg!
"RE: Your Weight"
Posted by kingfish on 06-07-17 at 06:17 PM
That's a lot of wiener.

Enough to please even the Ape lady.

"Do NOT bring to Foonerville ©"
Posted by foonermints on 06-12-17 at 02:13 PM
The Angry Red Planet
(1959)
Believed lost, a manned flight to Mars returns with only two survivors, one of whom has an unkillable growth on his arm.
Gerald Mohr, Nora Hayden, Les Tremayne, Jack Kruschen, Paul Hahn
Les Tremayne? Where is his band of Re-Noun?
"RE: Do NOT bring to Foonerville ©"
Posted by kingfish on 06-12-17 at 04:19 PM
I returned from Boy Scout camp one year with something like that on my arm, too.
"RE: Do NOT bring to Foonerville ©"
Posted by foonermints on 06-12-17 at 05:26 PM
Your Mayor only got poison ivy. Deadly around the Santa Barbara mountains. I used to dance with Jumping Cholla too.

All such miserable plants are henceforth banned from Foonerville© Pulled up and shipped to Afghanistan.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 06-17-17 at 08:07 PM
As Kingfish is wandering in the caves dug by Amazing Race travel gnomes, in search of a piece of metal to poke Igor's foot so he can get some Moonshine, your Mayor is busy watching educational TV on a very pleasant Saturday..

Galaxina
(1980)
A blond robot policewoman patrols space in 3008 with a crewman who wishes she were human.
Dorothy Stratten, Stephen Macht, Avery Schreiber, William Sachs

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 06-18-17 at 09:33 AM
Sounds kinda raunchy. For a Saturday morning.

Which, as we all know, is an improvement.

"Y'all need to...."
Posted by jbug on 06-18-17 at 08:53 PM
wish me a belated happy birthday (it was Friday!)! Oh the days of the majestic b'day threads.



"Wishing you..."
Posted by cahaya on 06-18-17 at 09:35 PM
... happy birthday, jbug!

Thanks for sharing your experiences in the years gone by, you've gone through a lot, fine lady.


Surfkitten Summer sigshop 2008

"RE: Wishing you..."
Posted by jbug on 06-19-17 at 10:04 AM


"RE: Y'all need to...."
Posted by kingfish on 06-18-17 at 10:38 PM
H on the Bday, Bug.

(that's how the kids talk these days. I'm very hip.)

"RE: Y'all need to...."
Posted by jbug on 06-19-17 at 10:04 AM


"My My MY"
Posted by foonermints on 06-19-17 at 12:04 PM
How the years slide by


Happy Birthday JBug!


"June 16th"
Posted by foonermints on 06-20-17 at 12:43 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-20-17 AT 12:44 PM (EST)

Is hereby declared the first official Holiday in Foonerville©
It shall be forever known as "Happy Birthday JBug Day"

"RE: June 16th"
Posted by kingfish on 06-20-17 at 03:57 PM
Now that we have an official bug, we need an official flag, an official bird, and an official tree. Also, we need to come up with the official Fooversville cocktail with which to celebrate all the other official stuff.

It ain't official unless it's been celebrated officially.

"RE: June 16th"
Posted by foonermints on 06-20-17 at 08:44 PM
I'd better find some more minions to delegate to, Dammit!
"RE: June 16th"
Posted by cahaya on 06-20-17 at 09:55 PM
And that's official!

Let some o' the ol' patriotic folks in town pick out the bird and weave a flag.


Ragtop Ride by foonermints

You'll prolly find a retired ornithologist prof somewhere in town, lookin' for birds, an' a Betsy Ross lady too (and who knows, b'tween t' two of 'em, they might be moonlightin' it).

"RE: June 16th"
Posted by jbug on 06-21-17 at 09:36 AM
and an official cake! and cookies! and ice cream!

I feel so special

"RE: June 16th"
Posted by kingfish on 06-21-17 at 01:01 PM
Annnnd... Igor ish Floonervesville's official hunchback. Ish the righty thingy to do!

Whash? Ish not Porically Correct to name a hunshback an offishal shometing? Igor is my besh pally ever!

(It's better than official moomshine fetcher. Where's my jar?)

"RE: June 16th"
Posted by cahaya on 06-21-17 at 10:49 PM
That's cuz you are, sweetie.


Surfkitten's Summer sigshop 2008

"BOINK!"
Posted by foonermints on 06-22-17 at 02:39 AM
It's the correct thing to do.

Obey the LAW in Foonerville© !

"Official bird?"
Posted by kingfish on 06-22-17 at 03:34 PM
The Flamingo, of course!

Which is also the official Body Part.

.

"RE: Official bird?"
Posted by cahaya on 06-22-17 at 07:27 PM
Well played for the swoop block!


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

What's that bird lookin' for down there anyway?

"RE: Official bird?"
Posted by kingfish on 06-23-17 at 12:48 PM
I think he's (she's) lacing up his boots with his beak. He could probably use hip waders, he wouldn't have to hold his breath as long, but oh well.

"RE: Official bird?"
Posted by kingfish on 06-24-17 at 12:54 PM
What a plucky official symbol. I think we should call this the Official Plucky Symbol of Foonersville.

"Your Mayor"
Posted by foonermints on 06-25-17 at 12:56 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-25-17 AT 12:56 PM (EST)

It torn between BUTT-BIRD and BOOBY-BIRD. What a quandry! Why do my minions bother me when I used to have so many better things to do on a Sunday?

"RE: Your Mayor"
Posted by kingfish on 06-25-17 at 02:13 PM
Uh oh, QUANDRY ALERT! QUANDRY ALERT!

(Where are the quandary alert minions when you need them?)

Pass the jar, and let me think about that.

"Quandry, you say?"
Posted by cahaya on 06-25-17 at 09:01 PM
Do the Zen thing and unask the question. It is its own answer.

"RE: Quandry, you say?"
Posted by kingfish on 06-26-17 at 02:34 PM
OK. Unasking the question.

.....

Waiting.....

.....

That didn't work.


Minions are stupid.

"RE: Quandry, you say?"
Posted by cahaya on 06-26-17 at 08:37 PM
Minions are stupid.

Of course they are. They only take orders from and kiss the butt of the boss who buys them.

Just look at the Prez's minions.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by taffnic on 06-26-17 at 07:28 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-26-17 AT 07:30 PM (EST)

Passing through, seems like a nice weird place.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 06-26-17 at 08:50 PM
We're all passin' through someplace or other during our journeys and there's places we stick around a while, like our esteemed municipality of Foonerville.


Ragtop Ride by foonermints

Just along for the ride!

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 06-27-17 at 09:23 AM
You're right. It has become nicely weird. Or weirdly nice.

Probably could use some more weirdness, and less niceness, but maybe that's just me on an oddly weird day. Which is nice.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 06-27-17 at 09:55 PM
There ya go ramblin' again, nice 'n' all!


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast


"Taffnic"
Posted by foonermints on 07-02-17 at 12:09 PM
Is now our "Traffic Coordinator"
We have a lot of traffic in Foonerville©

Most of it is illegal in 159 countries.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 06-30-17 at 11:03 AM
The great wall of Foonerville, topped with concertina wire and anti-spammer personnel lawn darts.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 06-30-17 at 10:37 PM
And every moment of it recorded...


Tribe's *AutoHal in RECORD mode*

Fire at will!

"Foonerville © Sunset.."
Posted by foonermints on 07-02-17 at 12:25 PM
Evening out on the deck..

Time for a Jar!

"RE: Foonerville © Sunset.."
Posted by cahaya on 07-03-17 at 05:34 PM

"RE: Foonerville © Sunset.."
Posted by foonermints on 07-03-17 at 09:15 PM
Sunset clouds are pretty.
"RE: Foonerville © Sunset.."
Posted by kingfish on 07-03-17 at 09:17 PM
I agree, that is a jar worthy scene.

I'd say that about just any scene, but yeah, that's worth a second jar.


"RE: Foonerville © Sunset.."
Posted by kingfish on 07-07-17 at 06:50 PM
Just keep in mind, Jeramiah was a frog of the bull variety, and he was an old acquaintance of mine. Whatever he said, I didn't understand, but I imbibed of his moonshine.

"RE: Foonerville © Sunset.."
Posted by cahaya on 07-07-17 at 06:57 PM
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea!

Joy to you and me!

"RE: Foonerville © In Winter.."
Posted by foonermints on 07-08-17 at 08:17 PM
Lose your dreams and you'll lose your mind.. East face of Huascaran South in Peru.

1973. 22,205' Not bad.. Not bad..

"RE: Foonerville © In Winter.."
Posted by kingfish on 07-09-17 at 11:13 AM
Hay-zus!

"RE: Foonerville © In Winter.."
Posted by kingfish on 07-10-17 at 11:37 AM
One more place for my bucket list.

Not to climb, but to see from the porch of my heated chalet, while (of course) abusing the jar.

Very daunting. So, you're saying you climbed that wall in '73?

"RE: Foonerville © In Winter.."
Posted by foonermints on 07-10-17 at 10:57 PM
Only up the easy way. That face fell off and buried the town of Yungay, before I was there. Huascaran, like much of the Cordierra Blanca, was unstable and subject to massive earthquakes.
"Makalu"
Posted by foonermints on 07-10-17 at 11:04 PM
Was a different story. Your Mayor has been around a bit.
"RE: Makalu"
Posted by kingfish on 07-10-17 at 11:14 PM
A massive earthquake that buries a town is also on my bucket list. I've visited Pompeii, but that's old news, I need to watch it happen.
"RE: Makalu"
Posted by foonermints on 07-11-17 at 09:09 PM
Greedy in our old age, aren't we? With the salary and perks I am paying you, go on a Galapagos tour and watch Sea Turtles..

Or blue footed Boobies, although on Tower Island there are red footed Boobies. All Boobies are strange Birds..

"RE: Makalu"
Posted by kingfish on 07-12-17 at 10:29 AM
Blue footed Boobies? I'm excited, even though I didn't know that boobies had feet.

Viva la diferencia!

"Boobies.."
Posted by foonermints on 07-13-17 at 02:26 AM

Like all Boobies, the red footed ones are the most trouble.

Now please let your mayor go back to educational TV..

Motel Hell
(1980)
Farmer Vincent and his portly sister, Ida, put lost motorists in their popular smoked meats.
Rory Calhoun, Nancy Parsons, Paul Linke, Nina Axelrod, Wolfman Jack
2:00 - 4:00 AM KDOCDT4 (56.4)
I miss Wolfman Jack..

"RE: Boobies.."
Posted by kingfish on 07-13-17 at 09:55 AM
Those better not be Igor's feet.


"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by taffnic on 07-13-17 at 05:44 PM
Hard to keep up with the traffic laws here {Hic} as they change so much. Sometimes changing weekly, daily, or from one tick of clock {Hic} to the next. Oh well. I still don't know who that is speeding thru town morning, noon, and night in their shiny silver Maserati but no one has been hurt. {hic} I'll just sit here on my porch and finish{Hic} this bottle of {Hic} corn liquor someone left me. {Hic Hic} What a life.



courtesy of Cap'n2patch

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 07-13-17 at 08:33 PM
LAST EDITED ON 07-14-17 AT 12:33 PM (EST)

Ish not me. I've been doin' quality checks at Ye Olde Kingfish Tavern alllllllllllll day. Beshides, the copsh took my license and now I don't drive. But I looked in the ditch where I parked it after not driving it (wink wink) and ish not there.

Not naming names, but the current theory is that Fooner the Major Mayoral Felon is endangering the city road crossing turtle mascots.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 07-14-17 at 08:33 PM
Ayup, th' town dep'ty caughtcha DUI.

Now, she said she'd keep ya in line!

"Throw out the case, Judge...."
Posted by kingfish on 07-15-17 at 12:04 PM
LAST EDITED ON 07-15-17 AT 10:17 PM (EST)

...DUI ain't against the law in Foonerville.

In fact, it's against the law in Foonerville to be DNUI (Driving Not Under the Influence).

Just one more reason why Foonerville is just the GREATEST EVER!!!!

Another is, of course, this superb Moonshine Chablis. A background taste of salty sea spray, a hint of snow covered mountain laurel, a whiff of Silver Maserati exaust, and the knowledge that Igor's blood and sweat (literally) went into it. No toe jam though, Igor has been warned.

Just lovely.

(And the band breaks into a lusty Sousa piece with the piccolos leading the way).



Crabman

"Piccolos?"
Posted by foonermints on 07-17-17 at 00:16 AM
Really?!
"FishKing Is Correct!"
Posted by foonermints on 07-17-17 at 00:15 AM
Besides, you are granted a pardon from the Mayor.
I think I need to talk with you in my private office.
"RE: FishKing Is Correct!"
Posted by kingfish on 07-17-17 at 11:14 AM
I'm being called to the principle's office?


Igor did it. Igor did it.

"Welcome to Fooner Isle"
Posted by kingfish on 07-20-17 at 09:30 PM
LAST EDITED ON 07-21-17 AT 10:55 AM (EST)


Then, when the stresses of managing Foonerville becomes too much to bear, there is the retreat on Fooner Isle. For $325,000 pounds. That's English money. Easily affordable for a someone in Fooner's tax bracket.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/property/house-prices/idyllic-scottish-island-sale-just-325k-has-chilling-past/


Just like LA, you say? Well, we think so. No bugs, anyway. You need the ocean? Lots of that. You need mountains in the distance you say? Well, there are plenty of those too. Way way distant.

There is a Moonshine cellar. And a lot of water for a view. And a lighthouse. More you say, you want more?

Well, maybe you don't like neighbors playing loud rap music? You will not be bothered by that on Fooner Isle. In fact, the closest neighbors are on the mainland and would need to travel to Fooner Isle by boat (or helicopter, but these locals are way too broke to use helicopters) and since you are a sovereign nation on Fooner Isle (as soon as you secede from Scotland, a simple matter of a little paperwork and a field artillery cannon), you can blow any invading boats out of the water. It's fun for the whole family.

An afternoon's activity could consist of polishing off the keg (or hell, just bring it along) of 40 yo Scotch and practicing with the field cannon on any tax revenuers trying to tell you that seceding from Scotland is illegal. Ha. Just tell them that you have their "illegal" right here while grabbing your crotch. This is a legal argument that is derived from ancient times when King Arthur slew the dragon with his sword Ex-Cali-ber. They have to respect that. It's history dad gum it.

Did I mention the moonshine cellar? Which could also include Scotland's finest brew? I did? Well, it always bears repeating.

Finally, the pièce de résistance; a ghost. Apparently there's the ghost of a lighthouse keeper that was murdered there. No big deal really, just look at it as a built in housekeeper that requires no pay, can't die, and keeps burglars at bay (yeah, that was a pun).

.

"RE: Welcome to Fooner Isle"
Posted by kingfish on 07-26-17 at 02:06 PM
Another activity - Fishin' on the Dock of the bay? Right? haven't we always wanted to do that?

(Another stupid post designed to push scammers off the page. One more stupid step.)

"A Thank You from Your Mayor"
Posted by foonermints on 07-27-17 at 11:18 AM
I was quite surprised! Upon returning home and found that y'all have erected a Monument to ME. Very thoughtful, that.

I am now taking a junket to visit foonerisle©
"Now there's a..."
Posted by cahaya on 07-27-17 at 04:34 PM
... natural erection!

Fooner's Park, where you're free to hike and helicopter in and around.


Ragtop Ride by foonermints

Take your lady for a hike!

"AND"
Posted by foonermints on 07-31-17 at 02:19 PM
Pee on Spammers, who are the REAL "skunks".
"RE: AND"
Posted by cahaya on 07-31-17 at 03:37 PM
In highly coincidental timing, I saw a skunk early this morning from the upper deck of my house while I was having my wake-me-up coffee. He/she was in my yard nosing around down below and then hopped over under my neighbor's pool deck.

Skunks are kind of fun to watch, a bit playful, but don't get too close!

"Skunks"
Posted by foonermints on 07-31-17 at 07:06 PM
Actually make good pets. Deoderized of course. They are smarter than the people posting Spam, but then again, I like skunks a lot better.
"RE: Skunks"
Posted by kingfish on 07-31-17 at 07:27 PM
As an added treat, they are also rabies vectors.
"RE: Skunks"
Posted by foonermints on 08-04-17 at 01:53 PM
*Skunk Bump*
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 08-18-17 at 10:57 AM
OK, fess up! Who was trying to remove the statue of me from Foonerville Square?

Not nice.

"My Minions"
Posted by foonermints on 08-22-17 at 12:52 PM
Called it "Indecent", but I really liked it!

I never did understand what the goose was looking at, though..

"RE: My Minions"
Posted by kingfish on 08-22-17 at 02:20 PM
That goose was looking up my kilt.

Again, not nice.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 08-29-17 at 11:41 AM
bump
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 09-01-17 at 08:49 PM
Welcome to Fooner's ville. Home of the double dip bump.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-17 at 09:16 PM
I am kneeling in support of the Foonerville flag. And because Igor's latest brew has affected my ability to stand.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 10-04-17 at 10:04 PM
That Figures. Igor makes a mighty strong mix! Your Mayor has been a bit dizzy himself lately. Or was that the back pain meds? Hell if I know.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 10-13-17 at 01:29 PM
I'd like some clarification, is or is not Foonerville actually Crazytown? I can't find either on MapQuest.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 10-13-17 at 07:39 PM
It's all on the West Coast..
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 10-27-17 at 12:15 PM
Trolls are killed in Foonerville©
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 10-30-17 at 01:42 PM
Your Mayor is working on the corral..
"RE: Foonerville © Announces "
Posted by foonermints on 11-13-17 at 12:40 PM
A new Gas Station!


Handcrafted by RollDdice
We are all happier than the color of this, eh?

"Gun Control @ Foonerville©"
Posted by foonermints on 11-19-17 at 12:32 PM

Y'all are welcome.

Sincerely,
Your Mayor



Handcrafted by RollDdice

"Remember!"
Posted by foonermints on 11-29-17 at 01:48 PM
To go to Church!

"RE: Remember!"
Posted by kingfish on 12-09-17 at 12:55 PM
LAST EDITED ON 12-09-17 AT 12:56 PM (EST)

How about running naked thru the streets pulling out your hair and screaming "Oh Jesus"? Does that count? If so, I'm very religious.

"RE: Remember!"
Posted by cahaya on 12-11-17 at 11:53 AM
With all the modern technology being used these days for office workers to telecommute to work, don't you think churches would come up with a way for worshipers to telecommute to church?


Smurfy snowy holiday present by agman

Create a new account and get your password to Heaven!

"RE: Remember!"
Posted by kingfish on 12-11-17 at 12:50 PM
There are those TV preacher shows. Every day of the week, but especially on Sundays. Not much interaction unless you buy their worthless "Blessed" junk, though. But at least you can turn the sound off, and no one nudges you if you nod off.
"I Want"
Posted by foonermints on 12-11-17 at 01:24 PM
A Doughnut that looks like the Virgin.
With my Coffee, of course. Can't go around a Sinnin' without the two.



Handcrafted by RollDdice
How's about an Empañada shaped like the Baby Jesus?
Foonermints: Off to The Blazin' Down Under wi' you.
Yep, could be Austrailia.

"You got it"
Posted by kingfish on 12-11-17 at 02:45 PM
As long as you check that virgin's driver's license.
"RE: You got it"
Posted by foonermints on 12-21-17 at 01:49 PM
I will get out my Magnifying Glass!
"Time to get out the mop"
Posted by kingfish on 01-10-18 at 12:39 PM
Oh brother.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 01-11-18 at 10:26 AM
Your Mayor is still *Kicking*
"So I Missed Christmas"
Posted by foonermints on 01-17-18 at 02:19 PM
Your Mayor was searching for the WoodStock Baby..



Handmade by the incredibly talented Syren

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6itWCmSZv0c ← damn commies make you cut and paste!

"RE: So I Missed Christmas"
Posted by kingfish on 01-17-18 at 07:10 PM
Is there a resemblance?

They can't sue without DNA these days.

And was there good luck up there?

"RE: So I Missed Christmas"
Posted by foonermints on 01-18-18 at 01:18 PM
It turns out that there is a whole state populated by WoodStock Babies. It is called "The Promised Land" or "Oregon" by some such. Never been to a nuttier place.

"Woodstock baby?"
Posted by cahaya on 01-18-18 at 05:03 PM
Jimi had another name for that child...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MX_hnVNOQQ

"Makes me think.."
Posted by foonermints on 01-18-18 at 08:55 PM
Foonerville© also needs a doughnut franchise..

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 01-18-18 at 11:20 AM
Rumor has it that POTUS referred to Foonerville as a "sh*thole town" full of inhabitants who aren't rich, aren't white and don't believe in his vision of the American White Way.

Send the big white man some ExLax.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 01-18-18 at 01:25 PM
It might be a Sh*thole, but, by The Good Lord, I's be the Mayor, and it looks purdy good to me!

Get that pig outta the kitchen! Stop fiddlin' with those Road Apples! Dang place is a goin' to Hell in a Handbasket!

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 01-18-18 at 03:32 PM
So what if it was a long time before we had better accommodations than a trench shovel hole in the woods.

And at least we don't have anyone with a shithole for a mouth.

(Well, not too sure about Igor. He did eat rabbit pellets after Fooner told him they were brown M&Ms. Hey, it was a joke. We laughed and laughed.)

"Served Him Right"
Posted by foonermints on 01-18-18 at 09:03 PM
LAST EDITED ON 01-18-18 AT 09:20 PM (EST)

Little Monster has already tunneled under the site of our future doughnut shop.

"RE: Served Him Right"
Posted by kingfish on 01-19-18 at 01:49 PM
How much would it be if we just pay him in doughnuts for tending the still?
"RE: Served Him Right"
Posted by foonermints on 01-20-18 at 12:59 PM
There is a lot to choose from.

Perhaps pay him in Dirty Bastards?

"RE: Served Him Right"
Posted by kingfish on 01-20-18 at 09:07 PM
Save the Mango Tangos for me. And perhaps a Vicious Hibiscus.
"Plus Coffee"
Posted by foonermints on 01-21-18 at 01:24 PM
"According to a 2013 survey by the National Coffee Association, which has terrible breath and spends most of its meetings going to the bathroom, 83 percent of American adults drink coffee, averaging three cups a day. Generally speaking, the calorie counts of these coffees correspond to the stupidity of their names—if you’re uttering the words “caramel,” “supreme,” or “lotta,” you’re basically about to drink a small ham."

A favorite in Foonerville© :

"Dunkin’ Donuts: Frozen Caramel Coffee Coolatta (32 oz.)
Calories: 990
Here we have a breakfast milkshake. The thing seems to weigh several pounds and is neither the color nor consistency of something that would make you think, “I should put that in my mouth.” It looks like the fluid that comes out of your carpet cleaner. I do have to admit enjoying the taste, though. I mean, it’s hard to hate a chocolate shake.
Does this count as coffee? Hardly. Even starting it with the letter “C” is kind of a dick move."

Tribemints© by Tribey

"RE: Plus Coffee"
Posted by kingfish on 01-21-18 at 08:57 PM
Those guys in 2013 were behind the times. Now the trend is to blend coffee with whipping cream, butter, and pork lard.
"Good"
Posted by foonermints on 01-22-18 at 12:53 PM
For greasing truck axles, too.

"RE: Good"
Posted by cahaya on 01-22-18 at 02:54 PM
Not to mention tank treads, by the look of it!
"Soon With"
Posted by foonermints on 01-22-18 at 03:05 PM
Cannabinol oil and THC!

"RE: Soon With"
Posted by kingfish on 01-23-18 at 02:10 PM
I have an axle I'd like to grease!

(Again, don't aske me what that means, I don't know. But it does make me sound cool, right?)

"RE: Soon With"
Posted by cahaya on 01-23-18 at 02:57 PM
Try that line in a biker bar and you'll end up with some broken handlebars.
"RE: Soon With"
Posted by kingfish on 01-23-18 at 07:37 PM
So, you know what it means?
"Go Over To"
Posted by foonermints on 01-23-18 at 11:15 PM
The Foonerville© Pump and Polish and have them fill you in.
"RE: Go Over To"
Posted by kingfish on 01-24-18 at 12:33 PM
Hey, you know how to sound cool too.
(There's a girl from Bend tearing it up on Jeopardy).
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 01-25-18 at 04:55 PM
Your Mayor is at the foonerclinic for a shot today.


CTgirl Chupacabra!

"Shot?"
Posted by cahaya on 01-25-18 at 05:49 PM
Kind of looks like an alien itself, doesn't it?

"RE: Shot?"
Posted by foonermints on 01-25-18 at 09:30 PM
Nasty little bugger!

Me? A cortisone shot to the base of my spine. Love that propofol!

"RE: Shot?"
Posted by kingfish on 01-26-18 at 04:18 PM
Ouch!
"RE: Shot?"
Posted by foonermints on 01-26-18 at 09:30 PM
I was only passed out for three minutes, with a back full of holes. Almost a good Western!


William Johnstone, where are you?

"RE: Shot?"
Posted by kingfish on 01-26-18 at 09:52 PM
I think I heard you screaming from here. Or maybe it was just me after reading about it?
"me?"
Posted by jbug on 01-27-18 at 00:32 AM
got the cortisone shot in the joint between my big toe and the ball of my foot.
for pain free foot!

"Isn't it Good?"
Posted by foonermints on 01-27-18 at 10:14 AM
So far, my back appears to be 100% better! Cortisone works!


moonbaby
Don't flash those ankles at just anyone..

"SWOOP BLOCK"
Posted by jbug on 01-27-18 at 10:18 AM
Yep! Blocks the pain just like this post!


"Are You Sayin'"
Posted by foonermints on 01-27-18 at 11:42 AM
Kingfish's Post causes pain?

maybe..
"RE: Are You Sayin'"
Posted by kingfish on 01-27-18 at 03:02 PM
In a while Kingfish will be feelin' no pain.
"AhA!"
Posted by foonermints on 01-27-18 at 07:56 PM
Similarly, your Mayor will try not to explode (well, completly explode, so-to-speak).


"Not as scary..."
Posted by cahaya on 01-27-18 at 10:57 PM
as that H3N2 monster, but cortisone looks pretty cool.

"RE: Not as scary..."
Posted by foonermints on 01-27-18 at 11:01 PM
jBug and I are molecule appreciators.
"Then you'll appreciate this molecule..."
Posted by cahaya on 01-28-18 at 00:53 AM
"RE: Then you'll appreciate this molecule..."
Posted by foonermints on 01-28-18 at 11:59 AM
I use that molecule!

Go Away, Stinky Ben-Gay!


Moves by CrabMan
This stuff works!

"RE: Then you'll appreciate this molecule..."
Posted by kingfish on 01-28-18 at 02:31 PM
Hey man, you ought'a try this new stuff from Afranhanastran, one molecule will have you hearing God and seeing the Devil. It is sort'a confusing.

"From the poppy fields..."
Posted by cahaya on 01-30-18 at 00:07 AM

The British and Chinese went to war over this stuff.

"RE: From the poppy fields..."
Posted by foonermints on 01-31-18 at 11:50 AM
Opium OTOH, works!
Alleviated a lot of pain so folks don't have to suffer.

No one suffers in Foonerville©

Moonbaby
.. mostly because of Kingfish's Moonshine Still out in them thar hills behind town...

"RE: From the poppy fields..."
Posted by kingfish on 01-31-18 at 12:52 PM
Any and all episodes of staggering blindness or dropping down dead caused by drinking said moonshine was Igor's fault. He didn't mash the mash right. (Just for the record, in case it ever comes up in court).
"RE: From the poppy fields..."
Posted by cahaya on 01-31-18 at 04:55 PM
Sounds like he didn't know the difference between ethanol and methanol.
"RE: Then you'll appreciate this molecule..."
Posted by foonermints on 01-31-18 at 11:37 AM
Oh Hell, was't that just LSD? ← Click it! You know you want to!

"The transcendence molecule"
Posted by cahaya on 01-31-18 at 12:16 PM

Commonly found in past Grateful Dead concerts.

"Citizens of Foonerville ©"
Posted by foonermints on 01-27-18 at 10:52 PM
Remember how much your Mayor loves "Dunkin' Doughnuts"!

"On Thursday, Hallandale Beach Mayor Joy Cooper vowed to “vigorously fight” corruption accusations, including the claim that she was on the receiving end of a Dunkin’ Donuts bag..
filled with $8,000 in soon-to-be-laundered cash."
"RE: Citizens of Foonerville ©"
Posted by kingfish on 01-28-18 at 02:37 PM

Our proud Town Motto is "El Richos gettum Richero, El Pobercitos gettum Nada" which translates to "In lieu of taxes, we accept graft". (But we deny saying that).

(Bitchs be guilty!)

"RE: Citizens of Foonerville ©"
Posted by foonermints on 02-01-18 at 02:31 PM
*kick*
"RE: Citizens of Foonerville ©"
Posted by cahaya on 02-01-18 at 02:46 PM
As often as you kick, we'd think that you're a stubborn old plowshare horse stuck in the stall.

Need some horseshoes to go with those kicks?

"Fellow Citizens of Foonerville©"
Posted by foonermints on 02-04-18 at 02:27 AM
Although it appears that Los Angeles has had a Skyslide for a few years, we are not to be outdone!

I would like all interested foonerville© daredevil loyal cohorts to our latest attraction, which is free and just as scary.. ..or more so..


Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: Fellow Citizens of Foonerville©"
Posted by kingfish on 02-04-18 at 11:51 AM
I'll do it if someone else will clean up the brown streak I'd leave behind. And not mention they saw me crying.
"That's They Beauty of It"
Posted by foonermints on 02-04-18 at 01:26 PM
It's dark inside The FoonerTube©. No one can see you.
Unlike that dopey "Skyslide", where eveyone can see your skidmark, no one will know. PLUS we save money on cleaning!

Although someone needs to poke a stick down it once in a while to see if anyone got stuck. About every 10th Nutcase customer, I think.


Indecency by C2P

No really bad injuries reported, as yet. We don't count broken bones, or that person that landed on Oprah, stuck about 3/4 of the way down. He shouldn't have been let on wearing crampons. A no-brainer that SHE would get stuck anyway. Should have called the PokeyMon to clear her out, but for some reason, no one cared..

"RE: That's They Beauty of It"
Posted by cahaya on 02-06-18 at 12:34 PM
It's the new Olympic sport, 10 meter Dumpster Diving!

Go for the style points.

"RE: That's They Beauty of It"
Posted by foonermints on 02-07-18 at 11:05 AM
"Going down the Tube"..


It fits Foonerville© just fine.

"RE: That's They Beauty of It"
Posted by jbug on 02-09-18 at 11:32 AM
Don't you wish the scammers would go down a tube and get stuck?


"RE: That's They Beauty of It"
Posted by kingfish on 02-09-18 at 05:48 PM
Flush all scammers.
"RE: That's They Beauty of It"
Posted by cahaya on 02-09-18 at 10:56 PM
Pile them up in that dumpster and haul them off to the Foonerville town dump and bury them.
"Currently.."
Posted by foonermints on 02-10-18 at 08:54 AM
Called "Page Two". *Kicks* Spammers!
Fun to visit the dump and see them all corralled up. Maybe they talk to each other, if toilet scum can talk..


"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 02-11-18 at 11:45 AM
We are All waiting..

For another head-banging delivery of 2x4s from our Moonshine Artist.


I could get fried with that load of wood.

"Valentines Day @ Foonerville©."
Posted by foonermints on 02-14-18 at 00:12 AM
Just Thinking.
A place off The Lost Foonerville© Coast has a suite with these.


"RE: Valentines Day @ Foonerville©."
Posted by cahaya on 02-15-18 at 00:37 AM
Perfectly positioned so that you can see yourselves in the mirror, too!

Make sure those window blinds are fully closed!

"Fooneranch©"
Posted by cahaya on 02-15-18 at 00:47 AM
What we need in this here town is a house of disrepute, business-modeled after the Bunny Ranch of Nevada fame, the name of which establishment shall be the Fooneranch©.

The ladies will come from lands near and far, the familiar and the exotic, young, energetic and aiming to please, while earning their livelihood richly with free room and board.

Of course, the Foonerville town coffers will benefit with the 25% "goods and services" surtax charged by the municipal council.

Now all we need to do is fix up that old 12-bedroom 10,000 sq.ft. (reputedly haunted) mansion on the edge of town and put out some employment ads out on the world wide web.

"RE: Fooneranch©"
Posted by foonermints on 02-15-18 at 06:37 PM
There is this derelict on the outside of town. Perhaps Kingfish can find the correct kind of gal to manage it.

It's along The Lost Coast of Foonerville ©

"RE: Fooneranch©"
Posted by kingfish on 02-15-18 at 08:09 PM
I volunteer. I will need a couple of 275lb ex NFL linebackers to bounce the unruly. And to help Igor. No SS, no dental, but lots of side (and frontal, and rear), benefits.
"Well?"
Posted by kingfish on 02-19-18 at 04:34 PM
Ladies are waiting.

Do I have to do everything myself? I mean, there are only 24 hours in the day, and, well, sometimes I need a little me time.




Crabman

"RE: Well?"
Posted by cahaya on 02-19-18 at 07:41 PM
Whaddaya mean ladies are waiting?

Is business too slow? Advertise!

Come up with a catchy slogan with Fooneranch in it!

Plaster the countryside with more billboards than Wall Drug!

Post a photo op online! For example, see Today's Lineup for the Bunny Ranch.

Among others, you have your choice between a Mercedes, a Harley and a Kawasaki!

"Jeez.."
Posted by foonermints on 02-21-18 at 00:45 AM
What does the new manager do all day inside that Gingerbread Mansion? Drink Moonshine and smoke stinky 50¢ cigars?
Cahaya is right! Get off yer Duff and get some
Ins-PI-Ration. Appoint a Chef and get going with a MENU!

Lazy..LAzy.. LAZY!
Too used to sitting in a beach chair, by the Devil!
"Lazy is..."
Posted by kingfish on 02-21-18 at 01:18 PM
...as lazy does.

But, OK. Here's a menu:

Appetizer: Burbon soaked nachos served with a light apertiff by Maria (from Room 2G). Maria is wearing a pearl belly ring, and is all too happy to serve.

If you survive that (and who would want to?), then comes the cheese course: Blue balls cheese. Served with a mason jar full of plum moonshine Brandy by Betty Lou (room 4G) who says there ain't nothing Betty Lou won't do for you.

So far, no one has made it to the main course, but if they do, they will be served Weiner Snitchel stuffed with artificial chokes and a stein of Jägermeister accompanied by sides of Sauerkraut and Uberslaven (you being der slaven) by the ex-head of the Nazi Dominatrix council of Germany, Hilda (Room 5G), who will do what she will to you and make you like it as you lick it.

Then, just to make the menu complete and not because there's any chance anyone will make it this far, Desert. Rum Balls served with Rum. Simple and sweet. And with Mustang Sally (room 6G) on the slide guitar as a side dish.




Crabman

"Rather Lewd."
Posted by foonermints on 02-21-18 at 10:56 PM
I hope there is music.
"That's how I roll..."
Posted by kingfish on 02-23-18 at 12:19 PM
...and there's a Jukebox.

1950's Country-Western. But no line dancing allowed. While I'm sober. Which doesn't happen often.

"RE: That's how I roll..."
Posted by foonermints on 02-23-18 at 01:20 PM
Your Mayor hopes the line dancing includes "the bump".

It best be boy-girl-boy-girl..
"RE: That's how I roll..."
Posted by kingfish on 02-23-18 at 09:08 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-23-18 AT 09:11 PM (EST)

First bump is $100. The second we throw in free for frequent fliers.

We encourage repeat customers.

(BTW, Hilda prefers Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". She turns it up to 11. And it won't be just your ears that will be ringing.)

"RE: That's how I roll..."
Posted by foonermints on 02-25-18 at 02:10 PM
Can't disagree with the music. What about some country?

"RE: That's how I roll..."
Posted by kingfish on 02-25-18 at 04:49 PM
That's the good stuff.
"Loving this...."
Posted by jbug on 02-27-18 at 08:49 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-27-18 AT 08:51 PM (EST)

Can't remember how to code the link. It's the youtube of the Voice judges doing Vintage Vegas.

"RE: Loving this...."
Posted by kingfish on 02-28-18 at 02:15 PM
If I understand you correctly, just cut and paste the web address to a post.
"RE: Loving this...."
Posted by jbug on 03-01-18 at 09:28 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-DX7BSlkhw

This?

"RE: Loving this...."
Posted by kingfish on 03-02-18 at 01:16 PM
That works.
"For Instant Gratification"
Posted by foonermints on 03-02-18 at 02:01 PM
LAZIES!

Your mayor takes care of his constituents...

"RE: For Instant Gratification"
Posted by kingfish on 03-02-18 at 08:20 PM
Why son, in Foonerville, that there's a compliment.
"How to post a link"
Posted by cahaya on 03-02-18 at 05:37 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-02-18 AT 05:48 PM (EST)

This is probably in the Help forum somewhere but here goes.

This is your link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-DX7BSlkhw

You want to fix it up so that it appears as a underlined text that people can click on. Click on me!

1. First, put in a left square bracket "<" on the left and a right square bracket ">" on the right, like this. The posting software changes those square brackets to angle brackets when you preview it. So just remember to use the square brackets instead of the angle brackets, but you'll see the angle brackets here.

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-DX7BSlkhw>

2. Then, just inside the right bracket, add a vertical bar | and the text you want to appear for your link (or it can even be a graphic, as fooner has often done).

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-DX7BSlkhw|Click on me!>

3. Then replace the https:// with link:

<link:www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-DX7BSlkhw|Click on me!>

4. Don't forget, those angle brackets are really square brackets.

The final product:

Click on me!


"RE: How to post a link"
Posted by kingfish on 03-03-18 at 11:52 AM
Showoff.

(am bookmarking that).

"RE: How to post a link"
Posted by jbug on 03-20-18 at 09:48 AM
You're pretty amazing....
"Question:"
Posted by kingfish on 03-06-18 at 05:28 PM
1. Just how did we manage to get in this fix?

2. Just what fix are we in?

"RE: Question:"
Posted by cahaya on 03-07-18 at 03:54 PM
This sounds like:

1. Something a puppy would ask after a visit to the vet's office for a "fix".

2. Something a heroin addict on the street would ask.

3. Something a home appliance would ask after a malfunction and visit by the repairman.

4. Something kingfish would ask for the lack of a better question.

"Sure.."
Posted by foonermints on 03-07-18 at 04:58 PM
The Batwings fell off the Saloon Doors. I attribute it to dry rot out here in the stinkin' desert. Hell's Bells!
Frank's still over at the "Gingerbread House" *wink* and at least the Town Well hasn't run dry.
*watches tumbleweed blow down main street*
Dang if I know. We lack enough sarcastic volunteers, but not Dr. Phil or President Oprah. The Town kicks out longwinded blowhards.

GAH!

Respectfully,
Mayor fooner.

"RE: Question:"
Posted by kingfish on 03-07-18 at 05:07 PM
Ding ding ding....#4.
"RE: Question:"
Posted by foonermints on 03-07-18 at 07:17 PM
Never admit guilt. "ding"? Don"t do it and erase that post!
Mayor fooner: helping constituents in a lost world!
just try clicking that initial link!
"RE: Question:"
Posted by kingfish on 03-07-18 at 11:56 PM
I had to answer quick before a betting pool formed. That would have been REALLY embarrassing. What if Heroin had won? Or, what if a poor doggy's meatballs rolled out the door? What if Doggy fixing was a just metaphor for something more drastic? I mean, we all spend a large part of the day sleeping on the porch thanks to Igor's grog. Who knows what a self-appointed evil snip snip would do?
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 03-08-18 at 09:56 AM
Well, I was still on track for the Heroin, but more concerned with that cheap imitation Chinese Space Station falling on my head..

I wonder if Sun Myung Moon is aboard?

Oh wait, he's Korean (or was). Guess he was "re-unified" with the dirt a while back. Crazy bastaard.
Anyway, look to the heavens, and Your Mayor has listed a Travel Advisory for his snail-eating voters to Avoid France! until after the threat has passed.
For you Dummkopfs: go ahead with your schnitzel snarfing in Deutschland. Probably have a thick enough head to bounce off a piece of low-grade titanium anyway.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 03-08-18 at 10:32 AM
Titanium umbrellas issued to all of the registered voters who vote the Fooner ticket in Foonerville. Courtesy of our mayor.

Message approved by the Fooner for mayor committee, motto; "Let's drain our glasses of swampwater", the new drink invented by..., just who did invent this, anyway? I like it.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 03-08-18 at 05:50 PM
Well, if that spacecraft lands on US soil, Trump will charge them an extra 25% tariff on the scrap metal.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 03-09-18 at 08:39 PM
Cheap Chinese steel and what may pass as "Aluminum".
I prefer a Gold Mine to Bauxite, but who knew back when I was kicking a mule (Ol' Bessie) in the 1800's.
"Did you know that Foonerville had a creek? "
Posted by kingfish on 03-09-18 at 09:00 PM
That explains what I heard while I was strolling along the creek in Foonerville the other day. I wrote a song after hearing this:

"Well gol-dang it, Bessie, You ain't a nogood for plowin', you ain't a nogood for ridin', you ain't a nogood for a findin' gold. and you dam shore ain't a nogood for toting my pickax. And all you can to is poop in my bauxite mine. What'em I a gonner do with you, you stupid mule? You ain't nothin but a ole lazy mule, and you ain't no friend o' mine!"

.

"Bessie's Kick"
Posted by foonermints on 03-09-18 at 09:18 PM
Could send you "Up the Creek", (well, maybe a yard or two - your ribs will be hurtin')

Sheeit! I run across enough road apples not to worry 'bout no worthless ore.
Love that damn mule. Probably make some good steaks after she's put out to pasture for a month or so..

"RE: Bessie's Kick"
Posted by kingfish on 03-10-18 at 12:00 PM
Um boy, loves me some Mule steaks with fried mule ear chips.
"Burro"
Posted by foonermints on 03-10-18 at 05:29 PM
Is a nice chunk of meat. I like wild boar also.
Beef..BEEf..BEEF! Too much dang "beef" Makes me want to turn Vegan. (Not that I am advocating The 7th Day Adventists) *look of horror*

Your Mayor does NOT support Religious Sects. Unless they are TOTAL Crazies. Easier to bring in the foonerville© tank (bought surplus from Iraq) and have a Hootenanny. /evil

Ground out my first few molars on Mule Ear Chips when I was a boy.

"Rum thirty"
Posted by kingfish on 03-10-18 at 07:15 PM
And it's amazing that only in Foonerville has anyone figured out what to do with Daylight Savings Time.

It's always Rum Thirty in Foonerville, by proclamation of our mayor, a unanimous vote of the town council, and by a popular vote where no one voted against it. Or, as it also referred to, half past Rum, matey.

"RE: Rum thirty"
Posted by cahaya on 03-11-18 at 11:45 AM
I lost an hour of sleep last night due to that DST thing.

And I lost a few more hours of sleep thanks to my girl in the FoonerRanch.

All night long, baby!

"RE: Rum thirty"
Posted by kingfish on 03-11-18 at 05:52 PM
Stormy has a permanent no-cost pass to Foonerville.
"Suburbs"
Posted by foonermints on 03-11-18 at 12:55 PM
Looks like unwelcome folks have sneaked in a few city-like buildings and traffic ways near our peaceful, mildly sober Mecca.

Your Mayor will promptly have a meeting with Kim-Jong Doofus, (The Gladiator of The World, The Beloved of The Horde, and The Supreme Being) to enlist his help in Nuking It.

Idoubt the radiation will carry very far, although the South winds may leave some blisters in the Baja Cantina.

"RE: Suburbs"
Posted by kingfish on 03-12-18 at 11:15 AM
Who owns the concrete concession?
"RE: Suburbs"
Posted by foonermints on 03-12-18 at 03:21 PM
Jimmy Hoffa? He might be still conducting his orchestra from a steel barrel around there..


Ah Jimmy! The world was a simpler place back then! Shoot 'em and lose 'em.
"What you're looking for is..."
Posted by cahaya on 03-14-18 at 02:15 PM
... a magnitude 9.5 quake with the epicenter in the midst of that highway spaghetti bowl.


"RE: What you're looking for is..."
Posted by kingfish on 03-14-18 at 06:32 PM
Whoever designed the section that didn't collapse deserves a gold star and a pay raise.
"RE: What you're looking for is..."
Posted by kingfish on 03-15-18 at 06:14 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-15-18 AT 06:33 PM (EST)

And who ever designed this deserves an F-minus.

https://tinyurl.com/y95a3wcg

Also, Cahaya, please don't post anymore disaster pics. I mean, I'm not superstitious, but Fooner is, and well, we don't need him bringing in another witchdoctor to undo your jinx. Not that there's anything to jinxes, but still...

Oh, and the Florida International University Civil Engineering department gets an F too. It should have it's Civil Engineering credentials revoked. After the upcoming lawsuit, that very well might happen.

If you do, I'm not walking under anything.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 03-19-18 at 01:14 PM
Do not steal cars in Foonerville©

← click it! You know you want to!


Handcrafted by RollDdice


"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 03-19-18 at 03:19 PM
Wow. Coincidently I have been trying to get the bugs out of my thief activated seatbelt/stun gun invention. But yours is better, and besides, those bugs have been pretty painful. I can't take very many more test runs. And my volunteers have disappeared.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 03-19-18 at 09:30 PM
After reading the news today, I wouldn't trust those driverless Uber cars, either!
"Cyborg Cars"
Posted by foonermints on 03-20-18 at 12:16 PM
Are not people's friend, although I've been in a few stinky Über cars, and wouldn't mind if the driver took a bath at least once a month, or even hosed off.

BONK!

Bet they find that the car was drunk on cheap ethanol, after a terrible argument with it's girlfriend, a slutty little red corvette.
"RE: Cyborg Cars"
Posted by kingfish on 03-20-18 at 05:03 PM
It's amazing how folks in Foonerville are light years ahead of the rest of the world.

Our cyber cars are designed expressly to eliminate Jay walkers. Or walkers named Jay. Which ever comes first.

If you have a tool, use it like it should be used.

" Foonerville ©"
Posted by foonermints on 03-23-18 at 09:19 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-24-18 AT 09:16 PM (EST)

Is now inspired to place "bait boxes" on the front porch..

← click the leetle devil!

..so misunderstood.. so misunderstood..*sigh*
"RE: Foonerville ©"
Posted by cahaya on 03-24-18 at 03:44 PM
So what kind of fish is that bait for? Trout, bass, salmon, maybe even kingfish?
"RE: Foonerville ©"
Posted by kingfish on 03-24-18 at 05:21 PM
Kingfish ain't no bait. We is the bait eaters. That's why we're call the King of fish.
"Look UP ↑"
Posted by foonermints on 03-24-18 at 09:51 PM
Y'all don't want THIS bait box..
"RE: Now Look DOWN ↓"
Posted by kingfish on 03-25-18 at 01:43 PM
"I Reccommend:"
Posted by foonermints on 03-26-18 at 10:53 AM
Dr. Fulbright.

Sorry about your deformity. Who would know online? How in Hell do you manage a keyboard? That's the true mystery!

Hey wait, is that your 3rd Couisin, "Lucinda"? Might have dated her once, or a replica, like my ex wife.
"RE: I Reccommend:"
Posted by kingfish on 03-26-18 at 12:50 PM
That's what we're like as young pups. Awkward and gangly in our teeth growing years. Then we have a spurt and grow into our adult dentitions. We also learn to enjoy eating wader legs.

At the end though, we become more placid, and humble, as well as really ugly. And drooly.

At that point, we can make real money at kid's birthday parties. And you'd be surprised at how many women think the big nosed blob look is adorable and cuddly.

"Again, I Recommend:"
Posted by foonermints on 03-26-18 at 02:22 PM
←Click The Schnoz! You know you want to!
"RE: Again, I Recommend:"
Posted by kingfish on 03-26-18 at 03:04 PM
Yeah, thanks. But well, maybe the full body job.

Kids call this the Grumpy Old Man stage. They sit on their porches with shotguns across their laps. Even with their myopia, they can sometimes wing one or two of them dam kids.

"10 Gauge"
Posted by foonermints on 03-26-18 at 04:22 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-26-18 AT 04:35 PM (EST)

Foonerville will henceforth "mark" all appliances before recycling

Get the lead out!
"A Side Job"
Posted by foonermints on 03-26-18 at 05:25 PM
Since your foonerville©] mayor is gratisly doing his subjects a favor (lack of a steady paycheck) , he has a side job dorking with exotics.
*sigh* only wish it involved the wimmins..

OWW!

Yep, a level IIIA vest only protects you so much.

"RE: 10 Gauge"
Posted by kingfish on 03-27-18 at 12:38 PM
Forget assault rifles, a 10 gage shotgun loaded with buck shot is the real weapon of mass destruction.
"RE: 10 Gauge"
Posted by foonermints on 03-28-18 at 02:03 PM
This would work too. In a pinch.

..................................................................................................catch the Stage!
"RE: I Reccommend:"
Posted by cahaya on 03-27-18 at 09:15 AM
No wonder nobody shows up in these forums with scary pictures like that to frighten them off!
"Yes!"
Posted by foonermints on 03-27-18 at 11:49 AM
I wonder why this "Kingfish" has a fish obsession. Hmmmm.

Ah well, it kind of makes sense, depending on the amount of brain cells I have left. I guess they all need to spark at the same time.
"RE: Yes!"
Posted by kingfish on 03-28-18 at 03:32 PM
Because us fishes are the prettiest peoples.
"RE: Yes!"
Posted by foonermints on 03-28-18 at 04:22 PM
Not to mention the lack of The King's English.
"RE: Yes!"
Posted by kingfish on 03-29-18 at 12:26 PM
These fangs were made for bitin',
and that's just what they'll do,
One of these days these fangs are gonna bite them dam kids.
"*BOINK*"
Posted by foonermints on 03-29-18 at 01:02 PM
Hell's Bells! foonerville© has disappeared from the normal person's point of view. Guess we hijacked it into something like "Jumanji", but worse.
"Triple!"
Posted by cahaya on 03-29-18 at 10:42 PM
Swoop block!
"RE: *BOINK*"
Posted by kingfish on 03-31-18 at 11:57 AM
LAST EDITED ON 03-31-18 AT 11:58 AM (EST)

No wonder. If the cops in this town think that swooping down and blocking the entrance to the Easy Go Drive Thru Moonshine Saloon is a good way to be popular, they got another think coming.

"RE: *BOINK*"
Posted by cahaya on 04-01-18 at 10:17 PM
It's all in our imagination, this town. We believe what we want to believe.

Should we lose our imagination, foonertown will disappear with it.


Agman's Muse

Welcome to the alternate reality.

"RE: *BOINK*"
Posted by kingfish on 04-02-18 at 08:21 PM
I believe I just heard someone say that Foonerville isn't real.
"Oh, It's Real All Right"
Posted by foonermints on 04-03-18 at 01:18 PM
Just that my girl left town, probably never to be seen again.

Perhaps I drove her crazy. Nah, that's not a possibility! err.. is it? *sob*

"RE: Oh, It's Real All Right"
Posted by kingfish on 04-04-18 at 10:16 AM
If Foonerville didn't exist, would I be able to offer you a "lift your spirits" discount visit with Helga? Be sure and bring your "After ten Visits you get a freebee" card and we'll also punch it twice for you.

Of course not.

"RE: Oh, It's Real All Right"
Posted by cahaya on 04-04-18 at 02:47 PM
Here's a scarier thought for you.

If it wasn't for your own imagination, you wouldn't exist either.

Cogito ergo sum.

"RE: Oh, It's Real All Right"
Posted by kingfish on 04-04-18 at 03:22 PM
OK. You just gotta shut up right now!

(I mean that in the nicest possible way considering you're trying to imagine me out of existence).

"RE: Oh, It's Real All Right"
Posted by foonermints on 04-04-18 at 03:56 PM
As long as we get Moonshine from another dimension.

It better work, too!

"RE: Oh, It's Real All Right"
Posted by kingfish on 04-04-18 at 05:06 PM
That's the high priced stuff.

It glows.

"RE: Oh, It's Real All Right"
Posted by foonermints on 04-04-18 at 06:30 PM
Better than Helga?
"RE: Oh, It's Real All Right"
Posted by kingfish on 04-04-18 at 07:01 PM
Helga glows a lot. Especially during Moonshine season.
"RE: Oh, It's Real All Right"
Posted by foonermints on 04-04-18 at 08:31 PM
Helga is now my brightest Star of Hope.
"Helga!"
Posted by cahaya on 04-05-18 at 10:31 AM

Is that fooner's tank in the background, there?

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 04-06-18 at 11:37 PM
Foonerville © on Top Again!
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 04-07-18 at 10:33 AM
Helga is happy.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 04-08-18 at 01:16 AM
Helga © is on Top Again!

Which might put you on the bottom.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 04-08-18 at 11:14 AM
One could only be so lucky!

Tribemints© by Tribey

"Another Reward From Foonerville©"
Posted by foonermints on 04-08-18 at 01:55 PM
Get your name on The Sun!

Parker Solar Probe

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 04-13-18 at 10:16 PM
Foonerville wins! By *kicking* of course!
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 04-16-18 at 01:31 PM
Two things,

#1. I think we should require that every national leader candidate write his/her/it's name on the sun in person. Would solve so many problems.

#2. Fooner is the mayor of kicking. Goes without saying, but I said it anyway. Keeps our sidewalks clean, even though Page 2 is a mess. But that's alright.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 04-17-18 at 11:24 AM
Warning: Kick! This is what fooner will do to spammers.
"Your King"
Posted by foonermints on 04-18-18 at 01:00 PM
Mayor Totally approves of *Kicking*, including our kangaroo population.

As we all well know, there can be only one "King":

"RE: Your King"
Posted by cahaya on 04-19-18 at 04:29 PM
You're joking, right?
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 04-21-18 at 11:06 AM
*Boots* Moron out of Foonerville ™

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 04-21-18 at 04:47 PM
Kingfish has made the honorable community aware of his "Chicken Wing in the Couch Cushion" problem. Therefor, in his hour of need I have authorized use of Emergency Services to him posthaste. Foonerville© takes care of it's residents!

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 04-21-18 at 07:53 PM
I am so in need. Of attention. Immediately.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 04-22-18 at 04:47 PM
Two ladies. One cleans and the other rather distracts you from the lack of cleaning by the cleaning one.

Come to think of it, there are 4 distractions..
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 04-22-18 at 06:07 PM
That's why you're the mayor.

And why you'll get 100% of votes whenever someone decides that we should have an election. Which we really don't need.

"Election?"
Posted by cahaya on 04-24-18 at 00:01 AM
Foonerville has never had an election and never will. Look at how the town's offices were filled (see much higher up in this thresd).

Life-time volunteerism at work. No pay, but the perks are nice.

We maintain order, and disorder.

"RE: Election?"
Posted by kingfish on 04-24-18 at 01:44 PM
Wait! No pay?

I do like the perks though.

"RE: Election?"
Posted by foonermints on 04-24-18 at 03:03 PM
I might still have some bad scotch in the basement that I can't drink. Secret August Santa with two participants?! Well, Hell, At least it won't stress my deductive capabilities. Like Cannabis stocks in California.
"RE: Election?"
Posted by cahaya on 04-25-18 at 00:04 AM
It's time we open a dispensary in Foonertown.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

I can smell the sweet smoke wafting over from the Mayor's house.

"RE: Election?"
Posted by kingfish on 04-25-18 at 02:21 PM
Ok, you're on.

PM?

You want to be Prime minister too?

"RE: Election?"
Posted by foonermints on 04-27-18 at 12:25 PM
I think some McCallans would secure that.
"A Test.."
Posted by foonermints on 04-27-18 at 12:29 PM
Should we really allow this guy to slap his puss on his business in Foonervile©

You decide..

"RE: A Test.."
Posted by cahaya on 05-02-18 at 00:13 AM
Well, he does seem to be a rather bright fellow.

Or, then again, shocking.


Ghandi by smokeysmom

Or enlightened?

"RE: A Test.."
Posted by foonermints on 05-02-18 at 00:46 AM
It's the giant choppers that look like bathroom tiles, like he bit a 440 line and his dead rictus was frozen in a smile.

Reminds me of Jack Nicholson playing The Joker.

"RE: A Test.."
Posted by kingfish on 05-06-18 at 02:01 PM
Worse. He looks like an FBI agent. Run.
"RE: A Test.."
Posted by foonermints on 05-07-18 at 11:27 AM
Good thinking! He gets the boot!
Better yet, let's see if he short circuits in Foonerlake™
"The Outskirts.."
Posted by foonermints on 04-28-18 at 12:02 PM
Foonerville© will entertain The Medicine Show this Spring.. Girls!

Out on the Prairie. East side of town.

"RE: The Outskirts.."
Posted by cahaya on 04-29-18 at 11:56 AM
It looks like the FoonerRanch girls are appearing!

Dance, baby, dance!

"RE: The Outskirts.."
Posted by foonermints on 04-29-18 at 01:50 PM
I like Big Mama..
"RE: The Outskirts.."
Posted by kingfish on 04-30-18 at 01:02 PM
Big Mama looks like she knows stuff.
"Your Mayor"
Posted by foonermints on 05-07-18 at 11:56 AM
Was deeply engrossed watching a security film in case Foonerville© was ever invaded.. heartbreaking, but someone had to watch it.

Tribemints© by Tribey

"RE: Your Mayor"
Posted by kingfish on 05-07-18 at 01:02 PM
No nudity?
"RE: Your Mayor"
Posted by foonermints on 05-07-18 at 08:54 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-07-18 AT 08:59 PM (EST)

Your polite Mayor does not discuss such subjects as a naked Godzilla online, let alone a mechanical one.

"RE: Your Mayor"
Posted by kingfish on 05-07-18 at 09:36 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-08-18 AT 10:16 AM (EST)

Just asking because Igor wanted to know. He the pervert, not us.

Nude mechanical apes are ok with him, though.

"Godzilla in a tutu"
Posted by cahaya on 05-10-18 at 00:06 AM

He always was good at dancing around those Tokyo trains.

"In the Future.."
Posted by foonermints on 05-10-18 at 09:31 PM
Foonerville© will allow this for our more crazy residents. Personally, your Mayor has no problems..

"RE: In the Future.."
Posted by cahaya on 05-10-18 at 10:00 PM
Sure thing, Mayor.

I like bare wrestling with the ladies in the FoonerRanch.

"RE: In the Future.."
Posted by foonermints on 05-10-18 at 10:53 PM
Feisty, aren't they?


"Bare dare"
Posted by cahaya on 05-11-18 at 06:58 PM
"RE: Bare dare"
Posted by kingfish on 05-12-18 at 11:46 AM
Hey! Her fanny's showing!
"Bare Fanny!"
Posted by foonermints on 05-12-18 at 12:23 PM
It sure is!
"Butt.."
Posted by foonermints on 05-12-18 at 03:09 PM
It's blurry. Still PG 13. maybe
Better than do-it-yourself electrical wiring!

"RE: Butt.."
Posted by kingfish on 05-14-18 at 05:37 PM
Rock me Mama like a wagon wheel...
"Roll 'em..."
Posted by cahaya on 05-14-18 at 07:29 PM
Roll 'em, roll 'em, roll 'em
"Bare Fanny!"
Posted by cahaya on 05-14-18 at 10:01 PM
It sure is!

A 1917 painting by Amedeo Modigliani

All $157 million dollars worth of bare fanny!

"RE: Bare Fanny!"
Posted by kingfish on 05-16-18 at 05:49 PM
Attention all scammers, this thread is just for Fanny fetishes. If you don't have fanny fetish, please leave at once. By the back door! (<Pun).
"RE: Bare Fanny!"
Posted by foonermints on 05-16-18 at 07:24 PM
*moan*
"RE: Bare Fanny!"
Posted by cahaya on 05-17-18 at 06:50 PM
That pun was barely funny!

"RE: Bare Fanny!"
Posted by kingfish on 05-17-18 at 07:38 PM
It's never a good thing when you have to point out a pun.

But it's worse when no one gets it.

"RE: Bare Fanny!"
Posted by cahaya on 05-18-18 at 02:21 PM
It's even worse when everyone gets it.

10-4 back door!

"Butt it's fanny!"
Posted by kingfish on 05-18-18 at 03:45 PM
I'm gonna just come out and say it.

Amedeo Modigliani was a hack. He drew nice butts, but he couldn't paint a face to save his life.

The person/museum/whatever that paid $157M for that amateurish attempt have a lot of money to waste. I've seen drawings on refrigerator doors that were better.

"In the Anals of puns: "
Posted by kingfish on 05-18-18 at 06:43 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-18-18 AT 06:46 PM (EST)

This one stands out - Hoof Hearted?

Not a pun? Don't blame be, blame Hoof Hearted.

(A six year old gave that one to me. If you want to be the fun uncle/aunt, always remember that fart jokes always break kids up. Mommies not so much).

"Your Mayor "
Posted by foonermints on 05-24-18 at 01:48 AM
Is now dealing with Dead People.

"RE: Your Mayor "
Posted by kingfish on 05-24-18 at 02:47 PM
Nice clean saw cut skulls, Dr. Lector.
"Our mayor is... "
Posted by cahaya on 05-24-18 at 08:36 PM
... bad to the bone.

B-B-B-Bad!

"RE: Our mayor is... "
Posted by kingfish on 05-26-18 at 04:42 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-27-18 AT 01:36 PM (EST)

My thought for Memorial day:

It's not a sign of respect if you are forced to do it.

My respects to those brave men. And women.

"And dear not nice POTUS gets it wrong (again)"
Posted by cahaya on 05-29-18 at 00:26 AM
Happy Memorial Day! Those who died for our great country would be very happy and proud at how well our country is doing today. Best economy in decades, lowest unemployment numbers for Blacks and Hispanics EVER (& women in 18years), rebuilding our Military and so much more. Nice!

Do you think those Marines in Iwo Jima gave a damn about the economy or ethnic group employment figures?

Oorah!

"Oh, and... 25% off!"
Posted by cahaya on 05-29-18 at 00:36 AM
The Trump shop has a Memorial Day sale.

Use Code: FORGET

"RE: And dear not nice POTUS gets it wrong (again)"
Posted by foonermints on 05-29-18 at 10:16 AM
But I personally thank them for getting rid of Tojo and Adolph.

Come to think of it, ol' Tojo kind of had a little Hitler thing going on..


Handcrafted by RollDdice

"This just in! "
Posted by moonbaby on 05-29-18 at 07:19 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-29-18 AT 07:28 PM (EST)

How in the hell do they not recognize a chupacabra?

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/mysterious-furry-creature-shot-in-montana-and-even-wildlife-experts-are-puzzled-by-the-beast/

if the link doesn't work you'll just have to find it. I KNOW fooner you will let them know this important fact. That's why I'm here!

"RE: This just in! "
Posted by kingfish on 05-30-18 at 05:40 PM
Fooner knows his chupacabras. But you have to ask him when he's sober.
"RE: This just in! "
Posted by foonermints on 06-01-18 at 08:18 PM

....Never going to happen....



CTgirl Chupacabra!

"RE: This just in! "
Posted by foonermints on 06-04-18 at 10:41 AM
*sob*

Looks like my little sister! Savages.


CTgirl Chupacabra!

"Free Donut Day!"
Posted by foonermints on 06-01-18 at 11:22 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-18 AT 02:23 PM (EST)

June 1st! Free Donut Day across the FoonerNation!

"DOH!"
Posted by kingfish on 06-02-18 at 01:19 PM
.
"It's National _________ Day!"
Posted by cahaya on 06-07-18 at 01:50 PM
Moonshine!


Ragtop Ride by foonermints

"RE: It's National _________ Day!"
Posted by kingfish on 06-08-18 at 11:34 AM
Igor never sleeps.
"Watch out, Fooner!"
Posted by cahaya on 06-13-18 at 11:54 AM
There's a ballot initiative to divide California into 3 separate states!

What will they call the new states? Something unimaginative like California del Norte, California Costera and Sureste de California? Will Donald Trump insist the new state names be in ENGLISH?

And where will Foonerville end up on this map?

"Foonerville ©"
Posted by foonermints on 06-13-18 at 03:44 PM
Is in Oregon.
Unfortunately, your mayor's rich girlfriend dumped him. Fooner is now residing in the Red Zone, along with 13.5 million other Rummies, drinking his troubles away. *sob*

"RE: Foonerville ©"
Posted by cahaya on 06-13-18 at 04:06 PM
D'ya think we could take over one of those islands to the west of your position?
"Catalina!"
Posted by foonermints on 06-13-18 at 06:57 PM
It already has a Casino. BUT, foonerville© needs to restore the gambling and drinking! Plus wimmins..

Ballroom dancing? Where's the nudity and bubbles from the ceiling?

"Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 06-14-18 at 06:10 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-14-18 AT 06:11 PM (EST)

Loves Agman!


Snowglobe by Agman!

"Looking Out"
Posted by foonermints on 07-23-18 at 01:35 PM
Over the boardwalk, decided to put my sewing machine out in the fresh air.


Tribe!

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 08-07-18 at 05:50 PM
No reason why Foonerville ™ shouldn't be considered first.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 08-08-18 at 11:53 AM
That is, if the spreading California fires don't raze Foonerville!
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 08-08-18 at 05:34 PM
I am still waiting for them to die out so I can go hiking in the Sierras. Don't want your mayor toasted, do you?


Well, best not answer that. What? I look like a Quizno's sandwich?

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 08-10-18 at 09:15 AM
LAST EDITED ON 08-10-18 AT 09:15 AM (EST)

I thought being toasted is a requirement of Foonerville residents. Like saluting the flag.

Plus, Igor needs a job.

Plus plus, how would we ever get anyone to visit the Kingfish Bar and Grill and Boom Boom House if they aren't toasted?


You see, it's the circle of life.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 10-22-18 at 04:37 PM
Foonerville has a new favorite song. Well at least for the next thirty seconds..

>
Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 10-22-18 at 08:57 PM
Really nice. But I'm only hiring one of them to play at the Saloon.
"CHEAP!"
Posted by foonermints on 10-23-18 at 11:38 AM
But practical. I'll have to stop by and hope you got the guy that plays his hand like a kazoo.



Bounced by Icey!

"RE: CHEAP!"
Posted by kingfish on 10-23-18 at 04:22 PM
You bet cheap! He will also double up as bouncer. All four of them.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 10-31-18 at 00:53 AM
I am looking for this girl tomorrow night.

I hope she tricks or treats by the Mayor's hovel in Foonerville

"We would hire her..."
Posted by kingfish on 10-31-18 at 12:05 PM
...for the Comfort wing of the Kingfish Bar and Grill, if she'll promise not to eat anyone's face off.

(Or is that Helga underneath that? Hard to tell unless she shows her gold fangs.)

"Be Nice!"
Posted by foonermints on 01-13-19 at 03:22 PM
LAST EDITED ON 01-13-19 AT 11:24 PM (EST)

To KingFish Day...

After all, he wasn't the one that mispronounced something off the teleprompter whilst giving the weather in New Yak City.

Plus: Word-On-The-Street has it that the entire Empire of Bolsheviks is after him, and not only the wimmens.

"RE: Be Nice!"
Posted by kingfish on 01-15-19 at 11:34 AM
That woman has a nice Roe Hole.
"BOINK!"
Posted by foonermints on 01-15-19 at 05:42 PM
..think about it..
"sw00p"
Posted by ARnutz on 01-15-19 at 10:57 PM


I *lurk* in lurkerdom waiting to SWOOP!

"RE: sw00p"
Posted by foonermints on 01-16-19 at 09:37 AM
Gah!
"RE: sw00p"
Posted by jbug on 01-18-19 at 11:49 PM


"RE: sw00p"
Posted by cahaya on 01-21-19 at 09:29 PM
The Countess has a penchant for counting!

Only American roulette wheels come with the 00 pocket.

"Get Away!"
Posted by foonermints on 01-23-19 at 02:00 PM
Foonerville now has a vehicle to visit Kingfish, who sometimes lives offshore.
All we need is someone to play Captain Bligh, and of course - a few Tahitian girls who aren't shy..


Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: Get Away!"
Posted by kingfish on 01-24-19 at 03:23 PM
LAST EDITED ON 01-24-19 AT 06:47 PM (EST)

Yo ho ho! And a bottle (or two) of rum.

Should be no problem navigating the Panama Canal to get here. Or west to east thru the Magellan straits. They serve Kentucky Fried Penguin down there.

BTW, very cool.

(Chk messages).

"Cripey!"
Posted by foonermints on 01-26-19 at 11:17 AM
IT must have fallen off the Whiskey Wagon, and hit my porch! *shockey-face*


Thank you, Kingfish!
something might be coming back atcha
"RE: Cripey!"
Posted by kingfish on 01-26-19 at 09:18 PM
Be careful, mixing typing and whiskey seldom turns out well.

However, you're welcome. Appreciate your hosting the SS.

"Or Operating Machinery"
Posted by foonermints on 01-27-19 at 03:43 AM
I swear that the first time I stab my finger with a sewing needle I'm giving up - Permanently!

Just finished a job on another boat..


Quite a bit different than outfitting SpecOps. Everyone's butt must need a place..
"RE: Get Away!"
Posted by cahaya on 01-25-19 at 04:32 PM
Ahoy, there!

Let's see what else you've got stashed in your hold!


Piracy on the high seas and flying of the Jolly Roger by agman

"RE: Get Away!"
Posted by kingfish on 01-26-19 at 09:13 PM
Ck your messages.
"RE: Get Away!"
Posted by cahaya on 01-26-19 at 09:30 PM
Got it, thanks.


Smurfy snowy holiday present by agman

Never mind me, I'm just upping my post count towards that 20K milestone!

"Post Count?"
Posted by foonermints on 01-27-19 at 03:55 AM
Try bumping spammers into oblivion.
Actually, don't! It's rather unrewarding, and those idiots are still over in Hells Kitchen.
"RE: Post Count?"
Posted by cahaya on 01-28-19 at 09:12 PM
What size boot do you wear? I could use a pointy-toed pair of durable boots to kick with.


Caged by Snidget

Hell's Kitchen, you say? Stick 'em in the microwave!

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville/State of the Foonermen (and Gal)"
Posted by foonermints on 02-05-19 at 02:20 PM
I doubt I can top Trump, but really, who would want to?
As your loyal Mayor, I shall attempt to post the true conditions of foonerville, much to the delight of anyone not promoting ANY sports teams in Los Angeles,
.. or if you simply have "cabin fever" and feel like opening the door on your hovel in Saskatchewan and getting eaten by a bear - or a moose - or something.


Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville/State of the Foonermen (and Gal)"
Posted by kingfish on 02-05-19 at 03:28 PM
The Saints was robbed.
"Beer Bottle Flinging"
Posted by foonermints on 02-05-19 at 05:43 PM
"BBF" is prohibited in foonerville©.

Ah, the Good Old Days..


Well, dont get caught!

"RE: Beer Bottle Flinging"
Posted by kingfish on 02-05-19 at 10:41 PM
So, they were actually selling beer in bottles at the game? What could they have been thinking?


"Pee Bottle."
Posted by foonermints on 02-05-19 at 11:54 PM
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville/State of the Foonermen (and Gal)"
Posted by cahaya on 02-09-19 at 01:20 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-15-19 AT 10:24 AM (EST)

The only ones who have topped Trump are the ladies he paid off not to talk about it.


Passengers on fooner's crazytrain

No way they'd want be on the bottom!

"It's time to declare an emergency!"
Posted by cahaya on 02-15-19 at 10:27 AM
We need to build a wall around Foonerville to keep out undesirable aliens!

It's not in the town budget, but I'm sure Fooner can reallocate funds earmarked for something else.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Never mind that the Martians can simply fly over the wall and land their spacecraft in Foonerville Town Square!

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 02-16-19 at 04:40 PM
LAST EDITED ON 02-16-19 AT 07:12 PM (EST)

I got restless today, tired of swimming in circles and looking after the fry, so I decided to throw my hook on the shore to see if a human would bite. Nothing like fried leg of human, with a little parmesan and a light flour dusting.

Caught a Canuck. Threw it back. Prefrozen. Too mushy.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by jbug on 02-17-19 at 11:18 PM
I gave up on fishing

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 02-18-19 at 00:12 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-18-19 AT 12:45 PM (EST)

(We call it humaning)


You seem like a nice human. Why not take a bite of this delicious Chili Cheese Hot Dog? I promise, there are no hooks inside. Here, I'll jiggle it a little so that it looks even better.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 02-18-19 at 05:08 PM
You never struck me as being the hooker type.


Passengers on fooner's crazytrain

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 02-19-19 at 12:40 PM
How about that nice Hoagie lying there on the shore? Doesn't it look like something delicious that you could just take the biggest bite out of? Don't pay any attention to that monofilament line, it doesn’t have anything to do with anything. Or those sinkers. Or that cork.

Believe me, no one is going to yank a hook into the fleshy parts of your mouth and drag you flipping and flopping into this here ocean, soon to be dismembered into meal sized portions. That’s just crazy talk.

(come on take it, daddy needs him some fried person fingers).

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 02-19-19 at 12:51 PM
Thank goodness you didn't put "weenie" in that one *shudder*

How do you keep the bread crumbs on, even after frying?
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 02-19-19 at 07:28 PM
Beans and weenies? I don't have a PC response to that. No comment.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 02-20-19 at 10:10 PM
There's something to be said for being at the top of the food chain.


Foo dogs by tribe

As long as you avoid the lions.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 02-26-19 at 01:18 PM
What has happened down here is the wind have changed
Clouds roll in from the north and it started to rain
Rained real hard and rained for a real long time
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline

The river rose all day
The river rose all night
Some people got lost in the flood
Some people got away alright
The river have busted through clear down to Plaquemines
Six feet of water in the streets of Foonerville

Buzzard Island Basher Barry
Danger zone below when windy

"Rollin'!"
Posted by cahaya on 03-01-19 at 06:02 PM
Rolln' on the river!
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 03-02-19 at 10:43 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-04-19 AT 07:26 PM (EST)

Say, what's that ad at the top of foonerville? "Sex Stops Wrecks"?! That is sooo untrue for SO many reasons....
"RE:Rough Times!"
Posted by foonermints on 03-23-19 at 03:30 PM
Since the Meteor Strike, your Mayor has decided to live in an Ice Cave.
Scandinavian girls can come to the front entrance. I have furs!


So cold.. so cold! On the other hand I have Ice Cream!


Tribemints© by Tribey

"RE:Rough Times!"
Posted by kingfish on 03-23-19 at 07:51 PM
About that meteor strike... Sorry, that was me. Fell asleep in the silo and head hit the button.

Sorry. And sorry to anyone who was awakened at 3:00 am. Or killed.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 04-15-19 at 00:50 AM
When completing your tax forms, don't forget to the Foonerville tithe.

Moonshine doesn't grow on trees.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 04-15-19 at 04:35 PM
Looking at my paycheck, here's what's already being taken out:

Fed Withholdng
Fed MED/EE
Fed OASDIEE
State Withholdng
County Withholdng

Will you take an IOU?


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Tithe? Since when was Foonerville a religious organization? Just because we all pray Fooner is a good mayor doesn't make it so.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 04-15-19 at 05:47 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-15-19 AT 10:33 PM (EST)

No sir. Can't dodge taxes with semantics. A secular tithe is a tenth, and that's a tenth of your gross. Plus, since we just caught you attempting to get out of your fiscal obligations, now you owe two tithes.

Wanna go for three?

Besides, you can just omit the MED tax and buy a box of band aids instead. Boom.

And if you are paying county and state withholding, you should move to Florida where we set up a Foonerville OTB franchise. Boom Boom!

These helpful tips are provided to all Foonerville citizens free of charge. Costs for this service are paid out of the general fund. Which is where your taxes go. So, if you don't pay them, we have to revoke our friendly advice.


"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 04-16-19 at 11:49 AM
Can I deduct my tithes paid to the ladies at the FoonerRanch™?


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 04-16-19 at 08:49 PM
That's how I do it.
"That's the Beauty of it..."
Posted by foonermints on 04-17-19 at 09:18 AM
Your Mayor either gets it up front or behind. It's good either way....
"RE: That's the Beauty of it..."
Posted by cahaya on 04-18-19 at 02:22 PM
Welcome to Spoonerville!


Passengers on fooner's crazytrain

"RE: That's the Beauty of it..."
Posted by kingfish on 04-19-19 at 10:22 AM
Also referred to as Croonerville when Fooner drops a dime into E5 on the juke box and plays Bing Crosby's Christmas songs.
"Not Impressed"
Posted by foonermints on 05-02-19 at 09:25 AM
The gift of a new truck to foonerville©.
I think it can carry a crew of midget construction workers, meaning ONE. Oh! Plus an 1/8 of a sheet of plywood for the really big jobs.

*sigh* In this case the thought didn't even count..


IceBounce!

"RE: Not Impressed"
Posted by kingfish on 05-02-19 at 10:54 PM
Will a Large Pizza fit? 'cause, you know, we could use it for that.
"That Would Work"
Posted by foonermints on 05-02-19 at 11:30 PM
Best if it's a rectangular one, obviously, to maximize the cargo space. Cauliflower crust..4 cheese..hmm let me think..

No anchovies.. No no no!

"RE: That Would Work"
Posted by kingfish on 05-03-19 at 12:46 PM
Cauliflower crusts? (Californians, can't live with them...can't live without them).
"RE: That Would Work"
Posted by foonermints on 05-04-19 at 09:28 AM
*forgets rude interruption* (temporarily)

...and DUCK, a nasty, oily bird that adds that certain panache to the cheese blend of Asiago, Pecorino Romano, Chevre and Zamorano.
Humming bird tongues are too gauche and SO yesterday.

For fresh-sliced tomato I'll take Maori Warrior and Indigo Rose, with Atomic Fusion around the edge in a delightful, decorative fashion.

I need the dark meat duck arranged in a peace sign, or at the very least a happy face.
This being Californa and legal, perhaps a light dusting of "Purple Monkey Balls" or "Zombie Killer", although "Barack O Bubba" could also work depending on the mood.


WTH you have against Gluten-Free? Sheesh! damn hillbillies
←Clink the Smiley! You know you want to! freakin' savages...

"RE: That Would Work"
Posted by kingfish on 05-04-19 at 10:01 AM
...and shrooms! gotta have the shrooms. Fresh picked from the cow pasture.

(Hold the monkey balls though. Had them for lunch, and they backed up on me)

"RE: That Would Work"
Posted by foonermints on 05-04-19 at 03:53 PM
So - hold the Monkey Balls and add the Psilocybin?
"RE: Not Impressed"
Posted by kingfish on 05-08-19 at 00:21 AM
OK, so here's a portrait to hang on the wall.


Bogywoman! Don't dare look under the bed OR SHE'LL GET YOU!!

"Hep Me"
Posted by foonermints on 05-08-19 at 11:07 AM
Jesus!
"RE: Hep Me"
Posted by kingfish on 05-08-19 at 01:19 PM
No kidding.

This woman wrote children's books. If she included her picture on the cover of those books, heaven help those poor kiddies.

"RE: Not Impressed"
Posted by cahaya on 05-09-19 at 05:22 PM
During our trip to Italy and Greece in March, we saw a lot of very tiny cars, particularly in the older section of Rome and Bari and in small towns. Parking spaces and some alleys are so small you need a tiny car!

Ever see a car as small as the one in the middle here? I've seen kids' cars bigger than this!

"Really Fascinating!"
Posted by foonermints on 05-09-19 at 06:55 PM
When is a car really a motorcycle? And who would fit in @ 6"3"?
Guess I'm walking, or taking a Rickshaw.


Got to get the girls around somehow.

"Fooner: Age 6"
Posted by cahaya on 05-10-19 at 10:23 AM
From the Fooner family album...

"RE: Fooner: Age 6"
Posted by foonermints on 05-10-19 at 01:33 PM
Yep, same haircut!

The wonders of Jumping Bird

"RE: Fooner: Age 6"
Posted by kingfish on 05-10-19 at 10:36 PM
Same evil grin.
"That's Because"
Posted by foonermints on 05-11-19 at 10:42 AM
Of the bigger err.. Barrel. DUH!


The wonders of Jumping Bird
Cute kid's got potential!

"Back @ The Ranch"
Posted by foonermints on 05-11-19 at 06:51 PM
Planting time @ The foonerfarm©

"Brandywine Pink" "Black Krim" "Supersteak" "Big Rainbow" "Yellow Pear"

"RE: Back @ The Ranch"
Posted by kingfish on 05-11-19 at 08:47 PM
Thinking you'll plow those fields with that tank?
"RE: Back @ The Ranch"
Posted by foonermints on 05-11-19 at 10:49 PM
Better than that pizza delivery truck.
"RE: Back @ The Ranch"
Posted by kingfish on 05-12-19 at 09:33 AM
A pizza delivery boy's work is never over, dawn to dusk, and back to sawn again, in a teeny tiny truck or a pedal operated tank, he never stops.

Whereas the lay about farmer just plays in the dirt with horsies and cowsies.

Give it up for the pizza delivery boy. And let's hope he does something about that acne.

""and back to sawn again"?"
Posted by foonermints on 05-12-19 at 10:03 AM
Goddam Pizza Yo-Yo musta been edumacated by Los Angeles Unified Skools. Better to be raised by wolves. Smell better too.

"RE: "and back to sawn again"?"
Posted by kingfish on 05-12-19 at 07:17 PM
I don't know why, but I have the urge for a deep dish pizza with everything.
"Better Have a Cauliflower Crust"
Posted by foonermints on 05-13-19 at 01:05 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-13-19 AT 10:46 AM (EST)

Gluten Free!

eta:
Come to think of it, that pizza sounds sounds a lot better than this:

This one? not so bad, (with enough sour cream and green Tabasco) - but what idiot came up with the name?


Time to get your money's worth out of the "Power Bowl" gotta go!
"RE: Back @ The Ranch.. Again"
Posted by foonermints on 05-13-19 at 06:41 PM
Might have to get me a seed pack of these fancy-fangled pumpkins..

← Don't click on Little Lucy! You'll feel inferior!

"Jolly"
Posted by cahaya on 05-15-19 at 04:30 PM
It looks like those came from this guy...

Ho, ho, ho!

"You Win"
Posted by foonermints on 05-16-19 at 11:05 PM
The Match Game!

Ho Ho Ho Indeed - maybe even a few extra Hoes..


Never heard it called a pumpkin before.

"RE: Back @ The Ranch"
Posted by cahaya on 05-13-19 at 08:30 PM
"Brandywine Pink" "Black Krim" "Supersteak" "Big Rainbow" "Yellow Pear"

Whut?

These aren't of the Acapulco Gold, Blue Dream, and Purple Kush varieties?

"RE: Back @ The Ranch"
Posted by foonermints on 05-13-19 at 09:01 PM
Those are interspersed in foonerville's™ "Humboldt Woods".
Got to mind the Feds.
Going for "Dopium" and "Barack O Bubba" in the outback patches. In the future, we'll sneak in some Cannasutra" and of course, who doesn't love Hulk Bliss"??? Huh? HUH?


That last one is really spelled with a Pee.

"Getting Bored."
Posted by foonermints on 05-16-19 at 11:12 PM
Guess I'll go on a Vision Quest.

Who's got the sugar cube?

"RE: Getting Bored."
Posted by kingfish on 05-17-19 at 09:52 AM
Ah yes, Mr. Owsley, where are you?

White lightning is the game.

"So, you've got..."
Posted by cahaya on 05-17-19 at 12:51 PM
... the cajones for thujone!


Surfkitten Summer sigshop 2008

It comes from the wormwood!

"RE: So, you've got..."
Posted by foonermints on 05-18-19 at 09:56 AM
Actually, I like experimenting on other people.


You can never find a good Toad when you need one.

"Getcher boots on..."
Posted by cahaya on 05-28-19 at 03:29 PM
Da dicey spamma eez locked up in da slamma.


Caged by Snidget

"RE: Getcher boots on..."
Posted by kingfish on 05-29-19 at 08:05 PM
An mea thanksa for thatsa.
"*Sigh*"
Posted by foonermints on 06-06-19 at 05:26 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-06-19 AT 11:16 PM (EST)

So Many Channels to watch and I can only find Uranus.


At least there was a very bad commercial involving genital warts or something.

"RE: *Sigh*"
Posted by kidflash212 on 06-08-19 at 12:13 PM



Tribe!

"RE: *Sigh*"
Posted by kingfish on 06-11-19 at 02:17 AM
Nice one, Kid.
"RE: *Sigh*"
Posted by cahaya on 06-11-19 at 10:22 PM
And the prevalence of methane in the Uranus atmosphere points to an astronomically huge primordial fart.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

"RE: *Sigh*"
Posted by kingfish on 06-14-19 at 12:43 PM
Rumor has it that Saturn has irritable bowel syndrome. Just can't help herself.
"On The FoonerTrain©"
Posted by foonermints on 06-19-19 at 11:05 AM
Wonder if one of my citizens is happy enough riding the rails?




I AM KUKULGOD!

"RE: On The FoonerTrain©"
Posted by kingfish on 06-19-19 at 11:24 AM
I think he's waiting for the Fooner food truck to show up with his daily feed of grits and gravy.

Either that, or he's dead. But you know, with a plaid hoodie, if he was dead some Scottish guy would have stolen that from him.

(Do we allow Scottish thieves in Foonerville? That's a question for the next council meeting. Which means we need to start having council meetings.)

"RE: On The FoonerTrain©"
Posted by cahaya on 06-19-19 at 10:23 PM
Hear My Train A Comin'


Ragtop Ride by foonermints

Best Hendrix acoustic guitar song evah!

"RE: On The FoonerTrain©"
Posted by foonermints on 06-23-19 at 11:08 AM
Got to agree.

Maybe he's going for the cheap getaway?


Handcrafted by RollDdice

"Reports of the Rattlesnake"
Posted by foonermints on 07-03-19 at 07:18 AM
Are probably real. Remember, if you get bit in the elevator, no one will find you - well maybe after you croak, Stinky!

A cheap disclaimer from the foonerlawyers©Hey! You were warned! Try sueing the snake if you don't die!

"RE: Reports of the Rattlesnake"
Posted by kingfish on 07-03-19 at 11:37 AM
LAST EDITED ON 07-03-19 AT 12:03 PM (EST)

Dear Aunt Flappy,

Usually, when I go to bed, I'm seeing snakes everywhere. Is this normal?


Dear Kingfish,

Just do what the nice men in the white suits tell you to do.

"Quaky snaky"
Posted by cahaya on 07-05-19 at 03:48 PM
LAST EDITED ON 07-05-19 AT 03:48 PM (EST)

Maybe it's that recent 6.4 earthquake that jostled the rattlesnakes out of hiding in the elevator well.


Ragtop Ride by foonermints

Did you get a rolling tremor where you're at?

"RE: Quaky snaky"
Posted by kingfish on 07-07-19 at 09:10 PM
Speaking of which, what's shaking in the Fooner neighborhood?
"My guess?"
Posted by cahaya on 07-08-19 at 10:47 PM
His bed?


Passengers on fooner's crazytrain

(And not because of an earthquake.)

"RE: My guess?"
Posted by kingfish on 07-09-19 at 05:48 PM
I don't get that. Was that just another obtuse dig at his politics, which he as an American has a right to express, or was that just callous disregard for his proximity to the latest earthquake epicenter which was about 150 mi away from him when he's at home?

If it's the former, you should know that using this thread as a stage for expressing incessant criticisms of anyone gets a bit tiring. Let's just all agree that Presidents in general as well as politicians in general are all putzes and go on from there. Whatever you feelings are, you can express them at the ballot box in Nov 2020.

If you're just doing a Foonerville riff, well, although I don't quite get the punchline, I can accept that. In fact I encourage it.

"RE: My guess?"
Posted by cahaya on 07-09-19 at 10:22 PM
Perhaps the reference to a bed shaking (due to causes other than an earthquake) is a wee bit obtusefuscating for some.

The only one making incessant criticisms these days is the Prez himself, with the British ambassador being the latest target-of-the-day from the toilet seat.

To wit, "The wacky Ambassador that the U.K. foisted upon the United States is not someone we are thrilled with, a very stupid guy" and "a pompous fool".

Guess it takes one to call one, eh?


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Methinks Trump secretly wishes half of California would disappear into the Pacific Ocean.

"RE: My Half? Trump will Loose One Supporter!"
Posted by foonermints on 07-15-19 at 03:05 PM
I still like Donald Trump!

He has shaken up the Democrats, and under Obama there were the same policies in place for immigration, none of which was ever advertised with such vitriol. Lots of press BS.


Handcrafted by RollDdice
Yes, the hanging lamp in the living room was swaying for a long time. A 7.1 earthquake here.

"RE: My Half? Trump will Loose One Supporter!"
Posted by cahaya on 07-15-19 at 08:49 PM
Go back to where you came from until you appreciate what it is to be an American a Trumpian.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Or, if you prefer... Trumpkin.
Or, Trumpnik.

"Washington DC?"
Posted by foonermints on 07-16-19 at 06:11 PM
Or Austria?


Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: Washington DC?"
Posted by cahaya on 07-18-19 at 10:47 PM
They don't want him there, either.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Maybe he should seek asylum elsewhere, like of the insane variety.

"I'll Give It 50%"
Posted by foonermints on 07-19-19 at 11:04 AM
Only the bitter, resentful 50%, as they didn't get their Madwoman in.


You'll have to settle for the other mean, spiteful vindictive b!tch]

"RE: I'll Give It 50%"
Posted by cahaya on 07-19-19 at 06:06 PM
Which other mean, spiteful vindictive beyotch?

Pocohontas (aka Elizabeth Warren) or Bus Girl* (aka Kamala Harris)?


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

*I made that one up.

For the full list of actual Trumpian nicknames for his political opponents, look no further than here. Somehow, Kamala escaped his attention.

"Foonerville©"
Posted by foonermints on 07-19-19 at 07:26 PM
Still has a place for Nancy. She could take a refreshing swim at the top of a 600' waterfall, like Nevada Fall in Yosemite. Oops! See you later Nancy!


We don't even bother to look for them anymore.
Figure the fish will find her by the time she reaches a place like Fresno, but of course, much nicer near Foonerville™ Kingfish can take a bite.

"RE: Foonerville©"
Posted by kingfish on 07-20-19 at 11:25 AM
I'm on a minnow diet. Minnows and moonshine.
"RE: Foonerville©"
Posted by kingfish on 07-20-19 at 04:15 PM
LAST EDITED ON 07-20-19 AT 04:17 PM (EST)


And since this seemed to be swimming by, I'll have the 500 post "got cha" for desert. Or was it a Shazam! post? A Bazingka"? A "Schwoopsie?"(Getting old).

"RE: Foonerville©"
Posted by cahaya on 07-21-19 at 01:13 AM
500 is a nice round number.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

On a circular track like the Indy 500.

"RE: Foonerville©"
Posted by cahaya on 07-21-19 at 01:19 AM
Which Nancy might you be referring to?

a) High Tax, High Crime Nancy
b) MS-13 Lover Nancy
c) Crazy Nancy
d) Nervous Nancy
e) All of the above (according to Trump)


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Lately, it seems like she's more of a Antsy Nancy. I'm surprised Trump hasn't come up with that one yet.

"No More Politics in Foonerville."
Posted by foonermints on 07-22-19 at 07:31 PM
As your mayor decrees, so shall it be. Of course, there is a troublemaker trying to swoop his own post, and the groundbreaker for Foonerville©. Dreadful!
I will give him a "Cowabunga" for the 500th post.

Henceforth, we only hang out under the shade sails in the FoonerMansion And drink Cadillac Margaritas, whether you like a bit of Grand Marnier or not with your tequila. Yes, this is now the law (at least on the patio).

Looking at Tiki Torches through October.. Hmmm..

"RE: No More Politics in Foonerville."
Posted by cahaya on 07-22-19 at 09:34 PM
Okay, deal. I'll reserve my political commentary and "Jihad Squad" movie posters within the Trump and Mueller thresds, provided drinks are free on the Foonerhouse.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Along with some other legal recreational substances within the state of California.

"Completely Legal"
Posted by foonermints on 07-23-19 at 10:52 AM
I have no idea why it wasn't legal in the first place. No more back pain for your Mayor! Plus, the quality of the product is 100%. *goofy grin*

"RE: No More Politics in Foonerville."
Posted by kingfish on 07-23-19 at 10:53 AM
Cointreau works for me.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 07-31-19 at 09:19 AM
Godfather, Joke
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido,
has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00
His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job
in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would
not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing
$10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know
what you're talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol,
puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown
briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.
The Godfather asks the lawyer,
"What did he say?"
The lawyer replies,
"He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."


So life in foonerville™ gets a bit richer..

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 07-31-19 at 01:12 PM
Great joke.

Now, for news from the sports desk. There was no last minute trade for a starting pitcher for the Foonerville Flatfoots. The requirement that the pitcher double as a backup to Igor to make moonshine was apparently a deal breaker. That and the fact that Foonerville Flatfoots don't exist, except as a ruse to get Igor some help.

"Have you heard this one? "
Posted by kingfish on 08-01-19 at 10:30 PM
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees am attractive woman sitting alone at the next table

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls past the man who snatches it out of the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing" the woman says, and she pops the eye back into place. "I’m sorry to have disturbed you, let me buy you dinner to make it up to you?"

She is a stimulating funny conversationalist, and the man finds they have a lot in common.

He gets her phone number, and tells her "you are the most charming woman I’ve ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replied

"You just happened to catch my eye."

(yeah, I know, it's older than the hills)

"RE: Have you heard this one? "
Posted by foonermints on 08-02-19 at 09:15 PM
GAH! *laugh!*


Bouncy Gorn by Icey!

"Stand up night at the Foonerville Bar and Grill"
Posted by kingfish on 08-03-19 at 12:29 PM

...where the waitresses make it rain sunshine.

And where GAH is the highest praise.

"Of Course, It's Even More Interesting in the Western Saloon."
Posted by foonermints on 08-03-19 at 06:00 PM
Best to take the waitress upstairs for her consideration.

YEE HAW! ← click it, you know you want to!

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 08-08-19 at 08:17 PM
LAST EDITED ON 08-09-19 AT 10:38 AM (EST)

Dear Mayor,

Just saw some bats fly out of the town belfry. Thought you ought to know. They looked hungry.

I think it's time to elect a new bat-catcher.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville FUN!"
Posted by foonermints on 08-12-19 at 02:05 PM
RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.



Handcrafted by RollDdice
Now your Mayor is banned. *sigh* Well, I can always sneak in past the punk security guard.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville FUN!"
Posted by cahaya on 08-13-19 at 09:16 PM
I thought we banned Walmarts in Foonerville. And McDonald's too.

We've got our own Smalltown five-and-dime.


Passengers on fooner's crazytrain

And our own rail car diner where the buns are hot and soft!

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville FUN!"
Posted by kingfish on 08-14-19 at 03:22 PM
We need video of the guy doing the Madonna thing.

Also, the prime entertainment venue in foonerville is our walmart. Five and dimes got no class.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville FUN!"
Posted by cahaya on 08-14-19 at 09:26 PM
Just Google "Walmart shoppers" images. I dare you, no, I double dare you!

Oh, there you are!

"Bleh."
Posted by foonermints on 08-15-19 at 08:42 AM
I'd rather watch the hidden cameras in the women's dressing room.


What. no upskirt photos?

"RE: Bleh."
Posted by cahaya on 08-15-19 at 10:49 AM
Presumably for security and loss prevention measures, correct?


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

You never know when some lady will try to swap out her worn out Hanes underwear and bras for new ones on the sly!

"ttRE: Bleh."
Posted by kingfish on 08-15-19 at 02:47 PM
And just for the record I shop at Wal-Mart all the time and have yet to see those people. And I looked. And looked. All I do find are normal shoppers. Dammit.
"RE: ttRE: Bleh."
Posted by cahaya on 08-15-19 at 08:18 PM
All I do find are normal shoppers. Dammit.

Define "normal".

Appropriately dressed? Appropriately behaved?


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

And who the heck in Foonerville is "normal"?


"RE: ttRE: Bleh."
Posted by kingfish on 08-17-19 at 02:01 PM
LAST EDITED ON 08-17-19 AT 02:04 PM (EST)


I think you know what "normal" means. In this context it means that which you would normally find in any store, or gathering for that matter. And since the word "appropriately" is subjective, it isn't valid unless one is priggish,.

Internet users have made it a meme of Walmart, something to be made fun of. A lot of people who are inclined to find something to feel superior to will buy into these memes, but the truth is that in this case you can could go thru Walmart and not find any more examples of extreme dress or behavior there than in any other store.

I'd like to find examples of this anywhere, and I can't. Well, maybe they exist in California, but I'm guessing California isn't that much different than here.

Just as a side note, you do realize that this is a form of bigotry?

Another side note, I admire that guy in the lounger.

"RE: ttRE: Bleh."
Posted by cahaya on 08-17-19 at 09:39 PM
True 'nuf, you'll find (mostly) "normal" people everywhere, including your local WalMart, CVS, Kroger/WinnDixie and other retail and restaurant establishments.

Then again, from time to time, you'll also find oddballs in almost all the same places.

But why is Walmart, in particular, the butt (no pun intended) of most of the jokes and not some other national retail chain? Is there some kind of prevalent demographic characteristic common to Walmart shoppers? Or is it some kind of prejudice against Walmart itself as a megastore chain, due to its labor practices and plethora of Made in China products?

Deep questions that are probably best left on the shallow end of the pool.

"RE: ttRE: Bleh."
Posted by kingfish on 08-18-19 at 01:39 AM
Walmart gets a lot of bad press, so that probably plays into it.

But I think that someone just started it with Walmart, probably someone who disliked Walmart, and people saw those photos, thought they were funny, and posted more. I'm guessing that those photos aren't all from Walmart, but just posted as "photos from Walmart". Photos from Walmart just became a generic thing.

I still haven't seen any in person anywhere though. Just normal people shopping normally. Depressing. I'd be leery of taking a picture of them though.

"Walmart Hero"
Posted by cahaya on 08-18-19 at 09:34 PM
Meanwhile, El Paso law enforcement is looking for this Walmart shopper...

And not because the shoplifting alarm went off when he was strolling through the doors.

He is reputed to have saved several lives during the shooting there.

"RE: Walmart Hero"
Posted by foonermints on 08-19-19 at 11:09 AM
I'm having a hard time focusing here... Best your Mayor sees an ophthalmologist.


}I used to be 21 years old. Still might be. Wondering? It's above 21,000' on Noshaq in the Walkahn Corridor in Afghanistan. In the background are the four summits of Asp-E-Safed.

"RE: Walmart Hero"
Posted by cahaya on 08-21-19 at 11:20 AM
Wow, maybe I'm the one who needs glasses.

Is that you at age 21 in Afghan mountains? If so, what year was that? And what the heck were you doing there?


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

"Wakhan Corridor"
Posted by foonermints on 09-06-19 at 07:18 AM
Your Mayor has visited a lot of places.
It's funny, I used to walk over ridges by Mount Everest to find out if the Chinese had patrols at 20,000 feet. They did.
"RE: Wakhan Corridor"
Posted by kingfish on 09-06-19 at 02:11 PM
I can just picture a fist fight at 20,000 feet. Whoever coughs up the least blood wins.
"RE: Walmart Hero"
Posted by kingfish on 08-28-19 at 09:05 PM
Impressive mountains.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 08-30-19 at 11:40 PM
All residents of Foonerville get a free cat, compliments of the Foonerville ASPCA.

You will need a shovel.

.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 09-03-19 at 01:34 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-03-19 AT 05:31 PM (EST)

Apparently word of mouth or RTVW ads aren't effective. This cat is now listed on eBay for $5, or best offer. Shovel and auction fees provided by buyer.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 09-11-19 at 05:51 AM
LAST EDITED ON 09-11-19 AT 06:06 AM (EST)

Foonerville, unlike Massachusetts welcomes all firearms, Kinda like Texas, goddammit.

We are all peaceful here. Especially the violent ones on boot hill.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laGgH8p7XHU


This guy can shoot!

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 09-11-19 at 10:41 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-13-19 AT 03:17 AM (EST)


We need to be able to defend the homestead against the invasion of Norberts. I think No 89 just stuck it's nose in our tent.

And against those disbelievers that are trying to convince us that SBOT is dead. We're just resting.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 09-15-19 at 10:16 PM
Still resting.

We need our nap time.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 09-25-19 at 02:32 PM
Dreaming...

This year BB doesn't suck as bad as it usually does.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 10-06-19 at 09:24 AM
Where Spammers are *kicked*
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 10-06-19 at 09:46 AM
Your Mayor is back to making natural Day Packs..

*goofy grin*

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 10-08-19 at 11:43 PM
This just might put Foonerville on the map.

And it's residents are grateful to it's mayor for the cleanup.

Maggots everywhere.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 10-09-19 at 09:06 AM
Texas Growers Co-op? It's not even legal there.

What strain do they grow? Lone Star Super Silver Haze sativa?


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 10-14-19 at 11:47 AM
Marijuana is legal in Texas. Almost. Under 2 oz is now just a misdemeanor. And CBD is legal and available for narrowly defined medical uses. Besides, I think the point of the post was more that the fabric that is woven hemp, and the bill that Tex. Gov. Abbot signed excluded hemp from the definition of Marijuana. So Fooner's hemp is legal in Texas. Just a pity that it doesn't provide a high.

In my opinion people are making this issue more complicated than is necessary. Marijuana use does not pose a problem for society, certainly not to the extent that alcohol does. The laws against it were enacted for racial reasons and in religious ignorance and should be repealed.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 10-14-19 at 02:13 PM
And here I am in Indiana, where surrounding states Illinois, Michigan and Ohio have legalized it in some form or another.

Only the Kentuckian hillbillies south of us haven't legalized it, although I suspect there is plenty of illicit crop being grown there next to the moonshine stills.


"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 10-14-19 at 04:33 PM
I think that that's a pretty good bet.

Slowly but surely things are changing.

Are you saying it's been legalized in Indiana? If so, congrats. Or are you lamenting that just the surrounding states have it and you haven't?

Medical CBD has even been legalized here in deep south Bible belt Louisiana, licenses for growing pot have been issued, and outlet licenses issued. Living here for most of my life, this is a really stunning development. So the laws have been established and promulgated, but the final act of dispensing CBD hasn't quite been completed.

People here that desire pot are getting the smokable stuff the old fashioned way, driving to Colorado.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 10-15-19 at 11:49 AM
CBD is legal here and you see gas stations advertising outside that they sell it.

But the psychotropic kind? Na da. Never in Indiana unless it gets legalized by the Feds.

"SHOOT!"
Posted by foonermints on 10-17-19 at 03:44 PM
Foonerville© hereby approves of all illegal and harmless nonsense. A Sanctuary 'Ville!

Uh Oh!

Yep, going to Hell in a Handbasket.



Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: SHOOT!"
Posted by kingfish on 10-18-19 at 07:00 PM
Misery...Lust...Crime...Sorrow...whatever...shame...despair! Throw in wild parties, and wild orgies.

(Mind you not the regular kind of orgy, the WILD kind).

I hereby propose that the town motto be that, and that devil fingers be the town emblem.

I also second it.

And I vote it in, since I'm the only one at this meeting. This resolution passes 1-0.

And so it is, and so it shall be.

"Ukraine"
Posted by kingfish on 10-29-19 at 02:57 PM
Because with time memories fade, I should remind the world that we on these boards were the first to mention the Ukraine related problems.

And also, that Fooner shot Baghdadi who was hiding in the Spidey Hole behind the world famous Foonerville Indian Reservation Gambling and Hooker Hall. Right between those bushy eyebrows (obvious eyebrow wigs) it was.

"RE: Ukraine"
Posted by cahaya on 11-01-19 at 02:11 PM
*whisper*

Hey, you Ukrainians, have you got any dirt on Mayor Fooner?


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

"RE: The Entire Ukraine Knows"
Posted by foonermints on 11-02-19 at 10:41 PM
Your Mayor is as honest as the day is long.


Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: The Entire Ukraine Knows"
Posted by cahaya on 11-03-19 at 11:09 PM
Your Mayor is as honest as the day is long.

Which, at this time of year, is getting shorter and shorter.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

"RE: The Entire Ukraine Knows"
Posted by kingfish on 11-04-19 at 01:14 PM
But it just so happens that dirt is his specialty.

We're in luck.

"RE: The Entire Ukraine Knows"
Posted by cahaya on 11-04-19 at 03:20 PM
Are you calling Fooner a dirty old man?


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

"RE: The Entire Ukraine Knows"
Posted by kingfish on 11-04-19 at 09:41 PM
You bet. That was his platform when he ran for Mayor.
"The Dirt Platform!"
Posted by foonermints on 11-12-19 at 12:11 PM
Yes! I came from a long line of dirt. Not to mention the Nitty Gritty..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fqzNdzIt_s


"RE: The Dirt Platform!"
Posted by kingfish on 11-12-19 at 07:30 PM
It's all fun and games until he wants to date your daughter.

Then that circle gets unbroken.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 11-12-19 at 10:16 PM
Remembers Veterans Day..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5C4meGkNyc

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 11-13-19 at 05:48 PM
Yes.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 11-27-19 at 03:13 PM
In the national interest, I hereby condemn Bread and Butter to death by cooking in my oven.

I've heard enough Gobbledygook about freeing immigrant turkeys. No more I say, they should stew in their own juices after being stuffed to the gills.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 11-30-19 at 03:11 AM
And, by the way, Happy Thanksgiving to all.
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 12-02-19 at 05:25 PM
And here's to hoping you had a good Thanksgiving, too.

We had sort of an international gathering at my place on Thanksgiving, with some of DW's Malaysian compatriots joining us for an American style celebration with my signature prime rib roast as the main dish. Turns out Asians aren't too fond of turkey, so we switched to prime rib a few years ago.


Sherlocked by agman.

"Left Overs"
Posted by foonermints on 12-07-19 at 09:52 PM
At the end of the tax year the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books
of a synagogue. While he was checking the books, he turned to the Rabbi
and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the
candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to
the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of
candles"

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
"What about all these matzo (bread) purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to
trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send back
to the
manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of
matzo balls."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "What do you do with
all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up
all the foreskins and send them to the Internal Revenue Service, and
about once a year they send us a complete Dick."


Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: Left Overs"
Posted by kingfish on 12-08-19 at 10:56 AM
In these time of hate, fighting, and general disquietude, we should focus on those we really hate. The IRS.

Great joke. Will steal it for my Christmas after dinner speech. May alter "dick" to "pus dripping purple pole", but it'll still be essentially the same. Should be great.

"RE: Left Overs"
Posted by foonermints on 12-08-19 at 10:38 PM
LAST EDITED ON 12-11-19 AT 10:27 PM (EST)

You can always try this one too:

THE IRISHMAN AND THE MORMON
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said
"Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Whee!
"RE: Left Overs"
Posted by kingfish on 12-19-19 at 04:24 PM
Mormons know how to live.

But you would be pretty sore the next day.

"Time To Watch Old Movies!"
Posted by foonermints on 12-19-19 at 03:33 PM
"Journey to the Seventh Planet"

"Explorers find danger when they land on Uranus." John Agar, Greta Thyssen, Mimi Heinrich, Ann Smyrner.

We always knew that landing on Uranus was dangerous!

"RE: Time To Watch Old Movies!"
Posted by kingfish on 12-19-19 at 04:27 PM
I'll shoot you if you try landing on Myanus.
"So says the Man..."
Posted by cahaya on 12-20-19 at 09:28 PM
... from Planet X! (1951)

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 01-03-20 at 02:05 PM
LAST EDITED ON 01-04-20 AT 01:50 PM (EST)

And the sleepy little fishing village of Foonerville, founded by Fooner's whaling ancestor Ahab Fooner, wakes up two days after the annual New Year's celebration of the Mermaid Petunia, who legend has it was a Fooner ancestor that returned to the sea shortly after whelping the first generation of Fooners.

Hence the nickname "Those Whelping Fooners".

It's been lost to history whether the celebration was for Petunia's leaving (supposedly she did walk and swim in a cloud of eau de rotten fish toilette - and there definitely would have been a village celebration for that), or simply to finish off the year's supply of Skunkweed Moonshine. After a year in the basement of Helga's Wild and Wet Surprise Ending Massage Parlor, Skunkweed Moonshine begins to reek of the legendary Fooner ancestral smell. It really has to be consumed before the cloud of buzzards circling above in search of that rancid odor overcome their reluctance to take over the town.

Although there is nothing like the experience of having buckets of buzzard diarrhea rain down on ones head, experience had taught the citizens of Foonerville that avoiding said rain is a preferred action.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 01-05-20 at 10:00 PM
Whelp, I dunno what to say to that...


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

I think my phone is buzzarding.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 01-10-20 at 02:58 PM
One might say thank you for that historical perspective.

Or, one might say get out of town you lying blowhard.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 01-16-20 at 11:15 PM
Sorry, I'm the Sheriff in town (see Foonerville posts at top).

Now, you're not under arrest, you have the right to be vocal, anything you say can and will be used to be repeated as necessary.

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 01-17-20 at 07:47 PM
Yes! Thank you! Obviously there are royalty fees attached, so Thanks.

Happy Petunia the Mermaid Month, I mean we had such a blurry time that we decided to extend the festivities for a whole month. (We are considering calling 2020 the year of Petunia - will let you know how that develops. Igor's already got the still percolating, so leaning 'yes').

"This place..."
Posted by cahaya on 01-23-20 at 11:35 AM
This place is so deserted that I see tumbleweeds rolling down Foonerville Main Street.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Even the pigeons have abandoned the town square.

"RE: This place..."
Posted by kingfish on 01-23-20 at 04:12 PM
Probably everyone's still passed out from the Petunia festivities. Or dead. Or on move to SC.
"Your Mayor.."
Posted by foonermints on 01-26-20 at 06:26 PM
LAST EDITED ON 01-27-20 AT 06:48 PM (EST)

Advised by Attorney to delete this.

Yes, I hired a lawyer as soon as I got home.

"I stand corrected..."
Posted by cahaya on 01-26-20 at 10:44 PM
This place is so deserted that I see Fooner rolling down Foonerville Main Street.

Ouch!

"RE: I stand corrected..."
Posted by foonermints on 01-27-20 at 06:49 PM
Thanks! I am a mess.
"RE: Your Mayor.."
Posted by kingfish on 01-27-20 at 02:59 PM
Little did you know that not only was the universe out to get you, but that you had pissed off the student body of Loyola (New Orleans?) and that they had hatched an evil plan to steal your clothes. I suppose they were trying to embarrass you to death. As if running you over wasn't enough.

The fiends! However, as usual, Foonerville is to the rescue. Under the bar at Rosarita's Bar and Grill, home of the $5 Quickie, and located across the street from Helga's Wild and Wet Surprise Ending Massage Parlor, we have a s**t ton of clothes from previous patrons having to leave suddenly due to the unexpected appearance of divorce attorneys serving papers.

And we have a special place located under Helga's basement for a certain Loyola student as well as any so called witnesses who falsely claim they saw that you had just chugged from a jug of purported moonshine and were walking sidewise as well as regular wise. Complete with chains and alligators. Not the cute little ones, but the kind that eat horses in one gulp.

Get well Foon.

"RE: Your Mayor.."
Posted by foonermints on 01-27-20 at 06:51 PM
Will it help with the 8 stitches under my chin?
"RE: Your Mayor.."
Posted by kingfish on 01-27-20 at 07:33 PM
Yes.

See ole Doc Cahaya for a little white pill. Should be good for a script.

Leave any teeth on the pavement?

"RE: Your Mayor.."
Posted by foonermints on 01-28-20 at 02:52 PM
Still have mine to grind on.
"RE: Your Mayor.."
Posted by foonermints on 01-30-20 at 00:00 AM
LAST EDITED ON 01-30-20 AT 11:20 AM (EST)

Traumatized. Might need the little blue pill.

Stitches should come out today..

"RE: Your Mayor.."
Posted by cahaya on 01-30-20 at 11:49 AM
Welcome to Cahaya's Apothecary!

Take your pick, red, white or blue!


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Want some green with that, too?

"RE: Your Mayor.."
Posted by kingfish on 01-30-20 at 06:36 PM
Take one red, one white, and one blue.

(Either salute or place hand over heart for what happens next)

"Public Notice"
Posted by cahaya on 02-28-20 at 05:42 PM
Rapid Response Notice from Office of the Foonerville Sheriff

Due to the threat of Covid-19, the local Sheriff has instituted deputy checkpoints into Foonerville to screen out and turn back any international visitors from touring our beloved Ville.

Yes, this is a setback for our tourist industry and Helga's playhouse, but it's for the health and safety of our community.

Anyone showing symptoms of infection will face mandatory quarantine for 2 weeks in Kingfish's basement of horrors.

The general store still has a stock of face masks and gloves for those who think they might need it.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Note: We're just following orders recently received from VP Michael Pence's task force.

"RE: Public Notice"
Posted by kingfish on 03-01-20 at 10:29 PM
I ain't worried. Igor's homemade hooch pretty well immunizes us against anything. Except liver failure. And falling down stairs.

No virus has a chance against it.

But anyone wishing to self quarantine themselves - well, they should come on down. It's not guaranteed that anyone will remember to re-open it in 2 weeks, or forever, but the welcome mat is out.

"RE: Public Notice"
Posted by kingfish on 03-14-20 at 06:08 PM
Hand Sanitizer hack? Moonshine. 180 proof.
"RE: Public Notice"
Posted by foonermints on 03-16-20 at 09:18 PM
No Food Riots please.
"RE: Public Notice"
Posted by kingfish on 03-17-20 at 04:38 PM
Always ahead of the curve, OTers started social distancing before anyone else.
"RE: Public Notice"
Posted by foonermints on 04-30-20 at 04:55 AM
Late night entertainment:


Who can sleep, anyway?

"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by foonermints on 07-23-20 at 06:48 PM
fOONERVILLE FOREVER!

foonermint: Hooligan Enabler


"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by kingfish on 07-25-20 at 06:05 PM
When does the next lad of hooch arrive? (New address - Monkey tree)
"RE: Welcome to Foonerville"
Posted by cahaya on 07-27-20 at 02:23 PM
All aboard!


Passengers on fooner's crazytrain

Next stop, Foonerville!