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"Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by jbug on 06-24-14 at 10:32 AM
So, no. I don't know a thing about soccer.
Except that some of the players have "hot" bodies! Dated a soccer player once - or twice.

Anyway, what does all this tied game thing mean?
No overtime to determine a winner?
What's with this?



Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by kidflash212 on 06-24-14 at 11:06 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-24-14 AT 11:06 AM (EST)

I'm really the wrong person to answer as I've never quite been able to sit through an entire soccer match and I've never played. Just a bunch of guys running around on the grass kicking a ball back and forth. Other than the goalkeeper there appears to be no set positions for the guys in the middle to play.

I think the ties go like this, in the tournament, wins give you three points, ties give you one point and losses are no points. To get to the next round, you need to be the top two teams in points for your group. It's about earning points at this stage so playing to there is a winner is not necessary. I think in later rounds, they play overtime and have penalty kicks to determine the winner if at the end it is tied.


Tribe!

"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by jbug on 06-24-14 at 12:58 PM
Thanks Kid. That's as clear as muddy water.
Just kidding.
But why?
Sounds very confusing to me.


"As I lay dying, "
Posted by kingfish on 06-24-14 at 02:52 PM
This is what soccer is from my remembered perspective as a 4th grader. I did not enjoy it.

There are no teams. Just a bunch of kids, each going after the ball. All the kids on the playground go after the ball at once, no limits to team numbers. Everybody is in a tight soccer scrum that moves as a unit around an open area that has nets on each end. Everybody is going after the ball, and everybody is in tight proximity and kicking everybody else trying to get a piece of the ball.

Then, after you've found yourself at the center of the scrum, and you've kicked at the ball (you had no idea where you should kick it to, you just found it within reach of your foot) you find yourself coming back to consciousness after being gang kicked and left to die.

That is soccer as I remember it. They seem to do it differently on TV.

"RE: As I lay dying, "
Posted by jbug on 06-26-14 at 04:21 PM
ROFLOL

What's funny is that I can totally see you!
Now if we still had someone making siggies, you could have one of your kingfish persona kicking a soccer ball


"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by Estee on 06-24-14 at 02:07 PM
It's the #1 sport of Socialist Europe and Terrorist Islam, which means the only a good Republican like yourself should have to do with it is blocking funding on youth sport programs designed to corrupt innocent children while recruiting them for the enemy.

You're welcome.

"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by dabo on 06-24-14 at 03:51 PM
if ball on ground you kick it and run after ball, otherwise you just run at ball or go where you hope ball will go so you can kick it and run after it, if ball in air you hit it with head or with butt or with elbow and then run after it, if player from other team bump you you fall on ground acting very hurt violated, if you are guard of net you hop around net and stop the ball from reaching the net, everyone make noise so nobody understand nobody, if ball make a point the net it scream and is starting all over with ball getting kick
"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by Estee on 06-24-14 at 05:39 PM
Also, if you decide to bite another player, also fall down and writhe as if it was somehow his fault.
"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by dabo on 06-24-14 at 07:55 PM
Is to win the krones.
"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 06-24-14 at 08:05 PM
Only 175-to-1 odds? This Suarez really likes to chomp onto opposing players, huh?

Odds for just about every other player would be in the neighborhood of 100,000-to-1.

"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by Estee on 06-25-14 at 10:19 AM
Uruguay -- as a nation, or at least that nation's fourth estate -- is now claiming there was no bite and the whole thing was just a massive conspiracy by the English press to discredit their player and get him banned.

Which, given the English press, would normally have some credibility.

"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by Colonel Zoiderg on 06-24-14 at 06:26 PM
Put simply, score more goals and you win. Score an equal number of goals and you tie.

If it is not a tournament/elimination game (like a regular season game) then a tie is possible. If it is (like the playoffs) then teams play until there is a winner.

Typically, in "regular season" or "group round" games like the ones that are going on now, teams earn points for wins or ties - 3 points for a win, 1 for a draw, none for a loss.

In a "knockout" game, analogous to a single-elimination playoff, if a team is tied after regulation, they play an overtime, which, right now, is 30 minutes, no sudden death. If it's tied after that, they go to penalty kicks, like a shootout. (My analogies work better if you know a little about hockey.) Whoever scores the most wins.

Also, Americans are crazy about soccer for one month every 48 and barely know it exists the other 47.

"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by snidget on 06-24-14 at 09:10 PM
I don't know why some games allow ties (at least in regular season play, heck even American Football allows ties after what 3-6 hours or so of sudden death)

Maybe it depends on how much of the game you are actually burning serious calories and how likely you are to kill too many people if you play for way too long way too often. I mean baseball can go on forever and no one is going to drop from exhaustion. *ducks*

Well that and how long you have to make an overtime to expect that more often than not a team will score.

"Sorry, Jbug..."
Posted by Estee on 06-26-14 at 02:49 PM
...but I did try to warn you.

http://www.mediaite.com/tv/foxs-keith-ablow-knows-why-obama-loves-world-cup-this-is-to-distract-people/

http://www.mediaite.com/online/coulter-trolls-u-s-world-cup-fans-its-a-sign-of-the-nations-moral-decay/

"Aboard Air Force One..."
Posted by cahaya on 06-26-14 at 04:05 PM

"RE: Aboard Air Force One..."
Posted by kingfish on 06-26-14 at 04:32 PM
No fastened seat belts, I see.
"RE: Aboard Air Force One..."
Posted by cahaya on 06-26-14 at 05:10 PM
At least Obama is looking at a different field of battle than GWB did in his days.
"RE: Aboard Air Force One..."
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 06-26-14 at 05:54 PM
People usually unstrap their seatbelts once the plane is fully in the air. Don't you?
"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by cahaya on 06-26-14 at 03:46 PM
Well, soccer is one sport where you can still lose a game to another team and make it to the next round in the cup tournament.

USA loses today to Germany 0-1, but still advances to the next round. Go USA!

"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by kingfish on 06-26-14 at 03:53 PM
We lose strategerically.
"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by jbug on 06-26-14 at 04:25 PM
Thank you to the serious explanationa;
and thanks for the fun visuals
and Estee, you can go F yourself. I guess I forgot why I quit coming around so much.

"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by Estee on 06-26-14 at 04:34 PM
I'm not going to apologize for having predicted the future.

Oh, and from now on, pick your own lottery numbers.

"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by dabo on 06-26-14 at 05:42 PM
Sorry, but I can explain soccer exactly and only the way I can explain ice hockey, meaning I can't. Fun to watch, fast, not a lot of scoring. Water polo, on the other hand...
"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by kingfish on 06-26-14 at 06:07 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-27-14 AT 08:31 AM (EST)

Just what the heck are offsides and icing?

"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by dabo on 06-26-14 at 06:18 PM
Let me put it this way:
If you are asked whether you would prefer to study the line rules in ice hockey or quantum mechanics, choose quantum mechanics.
"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by starshine on 06-27-14 at 05:05 AM
There is a famous cliche that the definition of a man in the UK is someone who understands the off side rule.

Basically if an attacking player is further up the pitch than all of the defenders, excepting the goal keeper, and he is interfering with play (and what the heck are they doing on the pitch if they aren't interfering with play?) then they are offside...


Oh and apropos of other comments, we don't have ties in association football, we have draws!

"Miracle On Grass!"
Posted by dabo on 06-26-14 at 08:13 PM
http://www.mediaite.com/online/thanks-to-the-world-cup-piers-morgan-can-never-come-back-to-america/
"RE: Explain soccer to me please"
Posted by Sagebrush Dan on 06-26-14 at 08:23 PM
It was my favorite sport in PE. I was terrible at the PE sports, but this one all I had to do was run around like crazy and kick now and then.
I believe those are the official rules, too.


Aw shucks ma'am, my heart belongs to Tribe

"Dear Novak Djokovic,"
Posted by Estee on 06-27-14 at 11:27 AM
I'm sorry. It's just that during this part of the calendar, every time I see someone drop to the grass while clutching at their body in obvious agony, I kind of automatically assume they're lying...
"USA! USA!"
Posted by Estee on 07-01-14 at 07:48 AM
If you watch today's game, you hate the USA!
"Chocolate! Chocolate!"
Posted by dabo on 07-01-14 at 09:00 AM
It's all about balls.
"RE: Chocolate! Chocolate!"
Posted by cahaya on 07-01-14 at 10:12 AM
Let's hope the Belgians waffle about on the pitch.
"Thirteen minutes in..."
Posted by Estee on 07-01-14 at 04:14 PM
I won't say the game is boring.

I will say the announcers are.

"Halftime"
Posted by Estee on 07-01-14 at 04:49 PM
I have learned to hate the Brazil logo.

I've also created a new stat: Shots On God. This comes into play any time someone kicks the ball high enough to leave camera frame. There have been more Shots On God than Shots On Goal.

They're also more exciting. Because maybe the ball won't come back down.

"The USA/Belgium Experience."
Posted by Estee on 07-01-14 at 06:45 PM
So there's this guy whom all your friends seem to like. They're very passionate about him. They sort of pass him around. Every so often, they all go after him as a group. And you... just never saw the appeal. I mean, they keep saying how appealing and interesting and exciting he is just to be around, but none of that is registering with you. You've seen him with them and while they're clearly attracted, you could never figure out why.

However, they're your friends. You respect their collective opinion. And so, after a lot of stalling, you finally decide to give him a chance.

The date doesn't go all that well. In fact, he's kind of boring. Sure, he's sort of got a nice body, but intellectually, he talks a lot without ever reaching any points or conclusions, just moving the same facts around the vague core of the idea over and over again. It gets to the point where you sneak off in the middle of dinner and call your friends from the bathroom to ask if you're out with the right guy. And they tell you this is normal, but just wait until you get him into bed!

...all right. So maybe he's one of those guys who only comes alive in personality (and everything else) when he contacts sheets. And they're still your friends, and you trust them, so...

...actually, you're not even sure how you made it this far, but here you are in the bedroom with him. You make yourself comfortable, strike a pose. Look him over. He does have a nice body, for the very little that's currently worth. You have a very good view of it because he's standing about three feet away from the bed.

And then he starts chanting to himself. "We're going to have sex, we're going to have sex, we're going to have sex."

...all right. Some people need to psyche themselves up a little before they start. You can wait this out for a few seconds.

The chant goes on for forty-five minutes.

You adjust your position a few times, but he doesn't notice. He never really looks at you at all. You watch as he dances around the edge of the bed while never quite approaching you at any point. The chant never stops. At times, it becomes slightly lulling and you almost fall asleep, but then he randomly changes volume and jolts you awake again. You start to wonder if it's you. Maybe this is a really subtle way for him to say you're not even remotely his type. Thoughts of leaving occur. Repeatedly. Except that he's sort of dancing around on your clothes.

At that forty-five minute mark, he parks himself on your jacket and leans against the wall, panting a bit. You sneak off to the bathroom again and start dialing. Yes, he does this, your friends tell you. Isn't it exciting? He's just taking a break now, but he'll get going really soon now, we promise! And Just wait until he makes his move!

Working mostly on a sense of morbid fascination plus a vague feeling that you're being pranked, you return to the bed. The chant resumes.

This time, you do fall asleep. A few times. But he keeps changing decibel levels. And dancing around. Every so often, he falls to the ground and twitches for no reason, which means he's sweating on your jacket and it will never, ever be clean again.

At the ninety-minute mark, he stops again. This time, you make the call directly from the bed and are thus informed that when he goes on for this long without doing anything, the final result will be the single most exciting thing you've ever experienced.

After a quick check with the Guinness people and the sad discovery that what you are experiencing (or in this case, not) does not qualify for any record category, you begin to drift off again to a constant background lull of "We're going to have sex, we're going to have sex, we're going to have sex."

And then he shouts. "YEAH!"

You sit up a little. "What happened?"

"We just had sex!" he announces from about eleven feet away, already on his way out the door. "Wasn't it great?"

...

Two weeks later, after having gotten out of jail when the assault charges were ultimately dismissed by a laughing judge, you begin to remotely consider the tiny possibility of someday speaking to your friends again. And when you finally do so in early autumn, they stare at you in total confusion before informing you that they all loved it.

So in their group opinion, clearly there's something wrong with you.

"RE: The USA/Belgium Experience."
Posted by kingfish on 07-01-14 at 08:47 PM
Was that US sex? What shape were his balls?

Should have been two 30 minute periods that actually lasted 1-1/2 hrs each.

"About the Brazil vs. Germany match"
Posted by Estee on 07-09-14 at 09:14 AM
Huh.

Y'know, up until yesterday, I didn't know soccer scoreboards could go up to seven.

"RE: About the Brazil vs. Germany match"
Posted by starshine on 07-09-14 at 09:54 AM
This was two of the top three sides in the world playing, Brazil taught the world just how beautiful the beautiful game can be, players like Falcao, Socrates, Pele, Zico, Ronaldo and so many more are revered as demigods. Brazil had not lost a competitive match in Brazil for 39 years or any match for 12 years these boys are seriously good.

Basically this doesn't happen, in the group stages rubbish team from Asia or Concacaf might lose by five goals, but these days even that is unusual.

This is like a Superbowl ending 70-3 sure it could happen, but it never will.

Before last night I would not even have been able to conceive the idea that Brazil would lose by more than a couple of goals.

In 1950 Brazil lost 2-1 to Uruguay in the final of the world cup, every member of that team that played are vilified by Brazilians to this day, if you want to know more look up Maracanazo.

I've only been to one North American sporting event and was very surprised by the lack of atmosphere, so I will leave with a quote from the great Bill Shankly

'Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that.'

"RE: About the Brazil vs. Germany match"
Posted by newsomewayne on 07-09-14 at 11:23 AM
Yes, but what did he think about soccer?

BTW, I did like this quote:

The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not know the game.

Bill Shankly

Pretty much universal, that one.


School Spirit by Syren, 2005

"RE: About the Brazil vs. Germany match"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 07-09-14 at 12:02 PM
LAST EDITED ON 07-09-14 AT 12:04 PM (EST)

>Yes, but what did he think about soccer?

Bill Shankly was a Scot, so he'd be referring to football as the same sport as what we refer to as soccer, not the North American version. You know... As an American, I don't really care about what's happened or happens in other countries.

"RE: About the Brazil vs. Germany match"
Posted by newsomewayne on 07-09-14 at 12:14 PM
LAST EDITED ON 07-09-14 AT 12:15 PM (EST)

Yes, I knew all that. Hence the joke, that plays right along with the other one you mentioned.


Tebow Time is over. We prefer to win games in the 1st quarter.
Trade managed by GM Agman, 2012

"Still, some people don't get soccer "
Posted by cahaya on 07-09-14 at 05:08 PM
Germany's 5-0 "blitz" invites ignorant references to Hitler.

At least his Malaysian political colleagues (not to mention the Opposition) had the sense to thoroughly chew him out.

Loss of face. *tsk tsk*

"Argentina"
Posted by cahaya on 07-09-14 at 06:47 PM
... wins on penalty shootouts after a scoreless game and overtime. The Dutch were toast after going 1-2 on their first three shots at goal.
"ISIS and Ann Coulter find common ground."
Posted by Estee on 07-10-14 at 02:04 PM
Death to soccer.

http://www.mediaite.com/online/even-isis-wants-the-world-cup-in-qatar-cancelled/

No diversion from Islam. Ever, unless said diversion is military in nature. We knew they were banning music: it's pretty clear that sports will go too.

In other words, here we have a group which is steadily making North Korea look like a bastion of sanity. And that's hard to do.

"RE: ISIS and Ann Coulter find common ground."
Posted by cahaya on 07-10-14 at 07:51 PM
It's kind of like, be miserable like us and go out in a blaze of glory.


Pepe's summer 2013 sig blast

Qatar in 2022? We'll be seeing more official water breaks from the refs than we saw in Brazil.

"Poor Brazil"
Posted by Brownroach on 07-13-14 at 02:24 AM
Couldn't even scrounge up a (meaningless) third place finish.
"RE: Poor Brazil"
Posted by starshine on 07-13-14 at 05:21 AM
Sadly this may be the only time anyone cares about the third place game. Ask the Dutch in five years time and they will only be able to say they reached the semi finals. Ask the Brazilians though and I suspect they will still be angry about the 7-1 and will follow it up with, and then humiliated by Netherlands in the next game
"RE: Poor Brazil"
Posted by Brownroach on 07-15-14 at 06:24 AM
At least they got to indulge in schadenfreude at seeing Argentina lose the final.
"It's the World Cup!"
Posted by cahaya on 07-13-14 at 10:46 AM
Who do you think will win, Argentina or Germany?

I've watched most of the matches off and on with the American run. With the way the Germans trashed the Brazilians and Argentina's bare win on penalty kicks after a scoreless overtime game against the Dutch, I'll predict the scoreline 3-1 Germany-Argentina.

"RE: It's the World Cup!"
Posted by starshine on 07-13-14 at 11:35 AM
As Gary Lineker said Football is a simple game. Twenty-two men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans always win.

If Argentina allow Messi to play away from the centre circle 2-1 but not sure who to.

If they don't (and they won't) then I'm with you 3-1 to the Germans.

So, do I support a country that has been rumbling on about invading us again, or the team that always beats us?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYClSGINHyU

and for no apparent reason

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuIJqF8av6I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqD_UXXKlIg

"RE: It's the World Cup!"
Posted by cahaya on 07-13-14 at 11:58 AM
Hah! Okay, we'll go with the 3-1 scoreline from both American and British viewpoints. Place your bets, folks.

Even though the Germans are favored, it would be crazy to see the Cup go to South America.

Of course, you chaps across the pond have a bit of a quibble with Argentina over the Falkland Islands, so there's no love lost with either of these teams.

Operation Chastise was an attack on German dams carried out on 16–17 May 1943 by Royal Air Force No. 617 Squadron, subsequently publicized as the "Dam Busters",

"RE: It's the World Cup!"
Posted by starshine on 07-14-14 at 07:51 AM
Daa da da-da da-da-da-da And so on

I should have remembered that the final has been very cagey for a while now with both teams as desperate not to lose as to win.

Overall though a fair outcome, although I was surprised that Messi won the golden ball, I can only assume that the judges thought "I'm never going to spell Schweinsteiger correctly, let's go with Messi"

"RE: It's the World Cup!"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 07-13-14 at 01:55 PM
Don't really have a horse in this race, but I'll go with Germany over Argentina by a 2-1 margin.

Interesting article in today's Toronto Star about a local couple that has been married 44 years - wife is from Argentina and husband is from Germany.

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2014/07/13/playful_world_cup_rivalry_revived_for_scarborough_couple.html

"It's nil-nil at halftime"
Posted by cahaya on 07-13-14 at 03:57 PM
A lot of mid-field play, both sides having their chances. Higuain from Argentina gets an offsides call (correctly) on the one goal that almost looked good at 30 minutes. The Germans almost score to finish the half with a header ringing the post.

"It's still nil-nil"
Posted by cahaya on 07-13-14 at 04:56 PM
... after regulation time. The few Argentine strikes into German territory misfire and the Germans are intent on ball control with few chances to score against the Argentine defense.

It's time for the fatigue factor and a possible shoot out.

"Goal!"
Posted by cahaya on 07-13-14 at 05:35 PM
Schürrle, on the wing, whips a cross and finds Götze between two defenders in the box. Götze chests it down and volleys it in. A classic goal and one that will be long remembered barring a late surprise here.