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Original Message
"Manners on the Bus"
Posted by CSHS79 on 09-10-12 at 01:05 PM
I have a question involving mannerss on public transportation. Is it rude to ask a person who wants to sit beside me questions to see who's getting off first? I always do this, especially in the terminal downtown, so I can be on the outside if I'm getting off first.
Today when I asked two different ladies they looked at me like I was crazy and they just sat somewhere else. I wasn't saying no, just that I wanted to be on the outside if I was getting off first which I usually am. A man sitting near me asked why didn't I let the ladies sit on the outside. He piped up after the second woman who was rather large and was holding a baby commented how rude I was.
I said I was doing the polite thing vs disturbing the person once they got comfortable. I'll bet if I said nothing and let the person sit down I'd get a look of why didn't I something before we left the terminal once we got to my stop.
So who agrees with me? Am I right???
Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by Snidget on 09-10-12 at 01:21 PM
I have a really early stop (always the first one off in the morning) on a very crowded morning bus (usually we have to stop letting people on, which annoys the crowd at the place I exit the bus, because even letting one person off does not make room for anyone new to get on) so I often will say, rather than ask, I'll be getting off soon, why don't I let you get in first so you won't have to get up to let me out.

Although most of the time once we start to fill up I go and stand by the door. Otherwise even if I can get out of my seat I would still have to crawl over under and through a bunch of people to get to the door. Given it is mostly students with backpacks that makes it even harder to maneuver my way out.

I guess I find a quick statement with the why I'm asking seems better than just staring off with questions/negotiations. But that is me. So maybe just I get off at the _________ stop, do you want to swap seats would work rather than what stop are you getting off at.

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by kidflash212 on 09-11-12 at 09:01 AM
I agree with Snidget. Even if your intention is to be helpful, the other person's perception might be different.

Asking "what stop are you getting off" can be misinterpreted as "tell me where you're getting off the bus and I'll decide who sits where".

Whereas saying "I'm getting off soon would you prefer to sit inside?" gives them the choice.



Capn2patch put me in motion!

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by byoffer on 09-10-12 at 02:18 PM
Are you wearing your bus pants??

I like Snidget's suggestion about telling where you are getting off rather than asking where they are getting off. Despite your best intentions, people seem too often to assume the negative these days.

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by weltek on 09-10-12 at 02:22 PM
I just don't worry about it. While I TOTALLY get your reasoning, it's just not worth it, IMHO.

If it's getting full and I'm getting off in a few stops, I'll just get up and stand near the door and let others take the seat. If it's more than a few stops, I don't worry about it and just give the person a little heads up when we are nearing the stop that I'll need to get out soon. It's just easier for me to squeeze past than making a fuss about making sure people are seated in a logical fashion. I'm also not afraid to yell "wait!" if there's a delay in me or someone else getting out and the bus driver closes the back door prematurely.

I really hate riding the bus because it's disorganized and people are clueless (e.g., it's standing room only and 20 more people are getting on at this stop. Maybe you in the aisle should move back instead of standing there mindlessly. Expecially when on campus...I want to yell, "You are smarter than this!"). I dismiss the romantic notion of reading a book on the commute. My lines are always too crowded.


-Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by Snidget on 09-10-12 at 02:59 PM
*nods*

I sometimes have to suppress the urge to ask to no one in particular in a loud voice how the heck did any of these people score high enough on the SATs to get into a college much less this one. Riding the bus ain't rocket surgery.

The one that annoys me on the way back is I'm one of the last ones on. I have to stand. I'm short. There is a section near the front of the bus where I can't reach the darn bar over my head in any sort of comfortable way. A bunch of really tall dudes love to stand in the very front and will not budge for any reason. This is where there are lots of wonderful handholds for the short people. Or if they are in the tall people have it easy section they will stand so you can't get past them to the places behind the "in case someone on wheels gets on and has to be strapped in" section to the short people can hold on further back part of the bus.

Honestly, some days if they would let me just stand on the bicycle rack on the front of the bus it would be a lot easier.

Would it be bad to just demand the bus driver open the back door (we don't have to pay to ride) so I can get in where I can hold on without dislocating my shoulder or pack in like a sardine with the I have to be in the front 6 inches of the bus people?

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by cahaya on 09-10-12 at 03:03 PM
Honestly, some days if they would let me just stand on the bicycle rack on the front of the bus it would be a lot easier.

*laugh*

I was thinking the same thing, including what we've seen on TAR (and I've seen for real in SE Asia), riding on the bumpers and even the roof of the bus!

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by foonermints on 09-10-12 at 03:30 PM
I've ridden on the roof of a bus. I's fun!

One of the worst things I saw in South America was some poor gal who had the misfortune of having a seat underneath a pig someone had loaded on the roof.
She had her window open, but - when you gotta go you gotta go!

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 09-10-12 at 03:49 PM
>I'm short....A bunch of really tall dudes love to
>stand in the very front and will not budge for
>any reason. This is where there are lots of wonderful
>handholds for the short people.

*speechless*

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by kidflash212 on 09-10-12 at 04:08 PM
<snort>
"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by jbug on 09-10-12 at 10:05 PM
glad to see I'm not the only one who had that thought

then my next thought was that she could hook a finger thru their belt loop?

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by kidflash212 on 09-11-12 at 09:03 AM
Max and I are tall. Guess we should make room for Snidget on the bus.
"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 09-11-12 at 11:01 AM
If you don't mind the potential of losing your finger on the belt loop when the bus slams on its brakes after some driver has cut in front, or perhaps when the tall dude suddenly turns around and walks off...
"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by Snidget on 09-11-12 at 12:21 PM
...and I had already removed a few things that could be taken out of context.
"Yep, You are Right"
Posted by foonermints on 09-10-12 at 03:44 PM
However people aren't always that friendly.
People on the bus are sometime living in their own world.
No Talkie-Pokie!
Here in LA, you may be de facto crazy just for being polite.
Me? I carry my "polite knife" which is only 4" long. It's nice to be nice.
Not to worry, there are many glaucoma patients on the bus, and smell like it. Poor 13 year olds! Widespread genetic defect? Maybe Snidget knows?
"RE: Yep, You are Right"
Posted by Molaholic on 09-10-12 at 06:37 PM
Poor 13 year olds! Widespread genetic defect? Maybe Snidget knows?

Let me tell you about middle school here in the City of Angels ---

Several years ago, for some reason, they stopped having the kids shower after PE (the showers are non-functional, so even if the kid wanted to we're you-know-what out of luck).

Not only that, but many students play football, basketball, or just run around during nutrition and lunch. This makes for some significant stankiness during instruction. I've got a supply of room deodorizer but even then ...

"RE: Yep, You are Right"
Posted by foonermints on 09-10-12 at 07:27 PM
Maybe the marijuana works? No one seems to care!

Ooh Ooh! The Magic Bus!

Can't you just hose off the little buggers?

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 09-10-12 at 05:19 PM

I almost always sit in an aisle seat, but not because of when I am getting off the bus. One time back in the 70's I was sitting at a window seat, and I was just daydreaming.

I felt my skirt go up, and I pulled it down while still looking out the window. I felt it go up again, and pulled it down. Then a third time I felt it ride up, but this time I looked over and saw that the guy next to me was pulling on my slip to make my dress ride up. I hit him with my soft purse, and told him to let go, but he did not let go. He looked like he was on drugs, and I was upset. I thought about what I was going to do about it, when I saw a GF across the aisle. I waved to her and got up abruptly to go over and sit next to her. He had to let go.

I was still scared all the way home, and later that Friday night. I could not leave my apartment. A few months later, a man I saw on the bus regularly told me he saw what happened and thought I had dealt with it very well. I told him I was still scared, and did not know what to do. He told me he would have stepped in and helped me if something had happened.

I never take who I am sitting next to for granted, but I don't ride the bus anymore, either.

As for your situation, I agree that it's best to give them info instead of asking questions of them first. That way, they know why you want to sit on the outside, and not be boxed in.



"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by jbug on 09-10-12 at 10:12 PM
{{ hugs}}

Until we moved to San Fran (early '80s) I had never ridden a city bus - my only experiences were on school buses - & 1 Greyhound trip.

Anyway, I was fascinated by the buses; that I could hop on and off and on and off. I was fortunate to have never had to ride on an overcrowded one.


Tribe put my name in lights! 2012

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by byoffer on 09-11-12 at 12:14 PM
He told me he would have stepped in and helped me if something had happened.

Just what was your "friend" waiting to see happen? How far was he going to go before coming to your rescue?? Maybe he was worried about his own physical safety, but it would seem to me that "something" was already happening.

Those are scary stories, especially for females, and things I worry about for my DD (and DW if she ever rides public transit!).

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by dabo on 09-11-12 at 12:33 PM
Well, you know, interrupting a misdemeanor may get you a thank-you but that's about it, interrupt a felony though and you're a real big hero, you get your name in the papers, get to be a star witness at the trial, whole lotta fun!
"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 09-11-12 at 01:02 PM
I think that this man could probably not see that the guy next to me was still holding onto my slip. At least that is what I gathered from him saying that I had handled it well.

Tell your DD and DW to always pay attention to who is near them on the bus, and always be aware of anything around them when they are out and about. Ted Bundy was able to fool some of his victims because they were distracted.



"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by Molaholic on 09-10-12 at 06:41 PM
I say use the "I'm-too-nutzy-to-sit-near" method of seating. Go with the wild hair and a 70dB discussion with nobody on the merits of federally mandated cat neutering. (Take the con argument...)
"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 09-10-12 at 09:56 PM
Or do what a guy did when I was on a late-night bus home in Toronto after a night out on the town with some friends many years ago... pass out (or maybe fall asleep) on the seat, severely reeking of liquor and with his penis hanging out. The bus was completely packed, but nobody was willing to sit on either side of the guy even though we all were standing shoulder-to-shoulder from front to back on the bus.
"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by kidflash212 on 09-11-12 at 02:26 PM
Ahhh, my last trip to Toronto. Good Times.
"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 09-11-12 at 03:15 PM
That was you?


It has been a while, no?

"RE: Manners on the Bus"
Posted by kingfish on 09-10-12 at 06:47 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-10-12 AT 06:49 PM (EST)

I agree.

I normally engage fellow p[assengers (that seem to be normal), at least with a word or two, and a question like that is practical and should not be taken as an offense. Screw them if they are offended, you're right and they are wrong.

"Shaddup!"
Posted by foonermints on 09-10-12 at 06:57 PM
*sticks Kingfish with "polite knife".

Hah! Now, with a few breadcrumbs I have "Mrs Paul's Fish Sticks"

"RE: Shaddup!"
Posted by kingfish on 09-10-12 at 08:02 PM
I don't talk to wild eyed crazies. With fillet knives.
"RE: Shaddup!"
Posted by foonermints on 09-10-12 at 09:16 PM
Wait'll I get a half-pint of cheap vodka in me!

C'mere!

"RE: Shaddup!"
Posted by kingfish on 09-10-12 at 09:43 PM
I think I get off before you do.
"*Wimmin Voice*"
Posted by foonermints on 09-10-12 at 09:57 PM
Is this an admission of guilt?

You never made me happy anyway!

*pout*

"Question's moot."
Posted by Estee on 09-11-12 at 11:09 AM
Manners?

Public transportation?

*giggle fit*

There are days where I will walk five miles before subjecting myself to a bus for one. They are called 'Monday through Sunday'.