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Original Message
"Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by thndrkttn on 09-20-11 at 05:38 PM

Since I am 'friends' with most of my family, there are things I want to share but can't post them on Facebook. This one is very personal.

My brother is going to Afghanistan in a few weeks for a nine month deployment. He has been through one tour in Iraq and he was in a relatively safe location. Not so much this time. I was sick about this before but after what Tummy and Bre just went through, well the next nine months are going to be tenuous to say the least. I have expressed my fears to Tummy which to some may seem really selfish given what they are going through but who is going to understand it better than she?

In addition, he called me last week to tell me, of all things, that he has met the love of his life. WHUT????!!!!!!!!!! This kid has dated bikini models, high end financial advisors, doctors, etc. Then he meets the 'girl next door' who's a vet tech. He asked me, and this is hard, that if anything happens to him, I had to promise to fly to the west coast and tell her in person. No phone calls, emails, etc. It had to be in person. I have never met or spoken to her. That phone call was awesome and awful all in one.

What I want to share: OMG!!! I want to meet her so badly! I know when he comes home safely (thinking positive thoughts), he's going to marry her and I want to meet my future sister-in-law! No one except my parents, my DH and myself know about it in my family. And yes, I have stalked her facebook page to see what she's like. She has a female Dalmation that is like a child to her. Yippie!

Your turn. What can't you share on Facebook that you can here?

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by qwertypie on 09-20-11 at 05:48 PM
An sbsolute crazy cousin-in-law who sucks all the joy and energy around her. The Dementors are based on her super powers of suckiossitude..
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-20-11 at 07:01 PM
I want someone to volunteer to take my mother shopping some Saturday so that I can go by myself.
Every Sat I take her grocery shopping; it's sorta like taking a 3 year old who goes off with her own cart and has her own money & puts a lot of stuff in her cart that she doesn't need or will not eat.
And when we get home, I wash & roll her hair.
And on Sunday morning, I call to wake her & then go up to help her get ready for church.
And I fix her medications for the week; and I call her every night to tell her to take her meds.

I'd like a day to go off by myself - like I used to do when I lived in FL.

It's a very selfish want.
I should cherish every minute I have with her.

I really shouldn't post this, even her.
I may erase it later.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by kingfish on 09-20-11 at 08:11 PM
You need a place to make those posts, and this is the perfect place. Facebook wouldn't be a good place to do this if your family reads your page.

It may be a selfish wish, but it's very human and posting it is probably a healthy and beneficial thing for you, and ultimately for your Mom even though she'll never see it.

Good luck.

That'll be $150/hr. We should probably schedule 3 sessions a week, I need the money.

Dr. FreudFish.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Snidget on 09-20-11 at 08:18 PM
I agree with the fish.

I don't think it is selfish and when someone is in that kind of role you still have self-care needs and a day off now and then can do a lot to help prevent burn out.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by qwertypie on 09-20-11 at 11:52 PM
So true. Trust me on this one.
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 09-21-11 at 00:42 AM
I agree with everyone else. And I tell you something else, she may think the same thing.

When my father was declining and I moved in to help him, he used to say to me "you know, you don't have to chain yourself to me. Go out, have fun. Call someone else in if you need to."

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 09-21-11 at 01:29 AM
I couldn't agree with the guppy more!....It's just that he always says it first and better than I would!


"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 02-28-12 at 03:02 PM

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by weltek on 09-20-11 at 08:52 PM
You aren't being selfish, you are being human. Don't you think she thought "I wish someone else would come and watch jbug so I didn't have to take her to the store with me" when you were young?


-A Tribetastic Creation

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by samboohoo on 09-21-11 at 08:56 AM
LOL.


Samboobree, brought to life by Arkie


"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-21-11 at 10:19 AM
*snort*
good one!
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Starshine on 09-21-11 at 07:59 AM
Selfish? Pshaw!

You are just being human, we all do need a day or two to ourselves now and then.

Would you have time one evening to go shopping with your Mother? That would help free up a Saturday for you and you could wash her hair early on the Sunday.

If you have a sensible niece/nephew that is interested in history they might welcome the opportunity to speak to your Mater about what life was like when she was young and could help her fill her Saturday that way.

___

Speaking personally I do feel guilty that I didn't spend more time with my Grandparents and Pater, however when I think about it I know that I didn't desert them and maybe wanting more of their company is not a bad thing.

"I hear ya"
Posted by moonbaby on 09-21-11 at 09:07 AM
My weekends are not mine anymore and I do miss them. I went out to dinner this past weekend with a friend and it was such a treat to just relax. I felt guilty because I usually go to mom's and make her dinner. (She managed just fine without me).

jbug, your mom will still be around for good while. Allow yourself a break.

"RE: I hear ya"
Posted by jbug on 09-21-11 at 10:24 AM
LAST EDITED ON 09-21-11 AT 10:25 PM (EST)

{{hugs}} moonie

It's hard to take a break.
....... edited a tiny bit out,,,,,,,,

And besides, it's like I don't trust anyone else to do it the way I do (I'm this way at work too; if I want the job done right - meaning my way - I do it myself. )


Showin off my win! Thanks Cahaya-wonderful game!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-21-11 at 09:54 AM
Agrees with everything everyone else said. And if you think she would get upset with a disruption in schedule or get her feelings hurt I would tell her a few weeks ahead that on so and so day you have to work on Saturday but that you'll take her grocery shopping the next day after church. What arrangement did you guys have when you had to have surgery?

*hugs

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-21-11 at 10:28 AM
She knows I'd never have to work on sat! My boss? pay overtime? hahahahahahaha

She really doesn't have to have a lot of groceries; it's more just to get her out of the house for awhile. I think when I had surgery my sister picked up stuff for her at the store. I worried about her every day till I was able to get back up to her house every day - even tho she walked down to my house to see me.

We do have someone coming in to help every morning now; she makes sure she is cleaned up, fixes breakfast, makes her bed, does laundry, dishes, light housework. That has been a HUGE load off me! My mother worries about running out of money - we are paying only $100 week. She is more of a penny pincher than I am! LOL

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-21-11 at 12:42 PM
Sounds like your sister should give you "a day off" once a month.
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-21-11 at 01:12 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-21-11 AT 10:27 PM (EST)

She has to work every other Sat. But then she is always the one too who takes off work to take Moma to the doctor.
....a bit more edited out here.....

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-21-11 at 10:15 AM
thanks friends, and thanks kttn for giving me a place to vent


Showin off my win! Thanks Cahaya-wonderful game!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by qwertypie on 09-22-11 at 01:40 AM
Doing your best doesn't mean doing 100% all of the time.
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Snidget on 09-20-11 at 08:19 PM
{{{hugs}}}
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by weltek on 09-20-11 at 08:51 PM
It's good to see you here, tkit! I hope your brother and his soul mate can weather the difficult time apart. She sounds like a great addition to your family!


-A Tribetastic Creation

"RE: Things you can't post anywhere.."
Posted by foonermints on 09-20-11 at 10:17 PM
I hide it all behind a tree nowadays!

*smooch* See your

ps: Sandee's second career is "Vet Tech*. Nothing wrong with that!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by cahaya on 09-20-11 at 11:55 PM
Things I can't post on Facebook? Anything. Really. I don't have a Facebook account, nor do I intend to open one. Google my RL name and it gets about as many hits as Casey at the bat, and I'd like to keep it that way.

This is really the only forum where I divulge anything close to being personal online, and I'm fairly circumspect about even that.

I have DW, my dad, and a couple very close friends I can (and sometimes do) confide in when I need to get something off my chest.

Now DW is the other way around... she keeps in touch with her Malaysian family & friends and the local international student community through her Facebook page, with close to 100 family & friends linked to her account.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Sagebrush Dan on 09-21-11 at 01:21 AM
I'm in the closet on FB. A whole host of reasons, none the least that my real name is on there and there are a lot of crazies out there.


Phylled by Tribe

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 09-21-11 at 01:26 AM
As a teacher in a smaller town, I find that I have to be really crazy what I put up because sometimes I'm friends with the parents of some of my students and I don't want them to see anything wild. People really do make a lot of assumptions about you based on your wall. That's why I post so many pictures, keeps me out of trouble.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Max Headroom on 09-21-11 at 09:52 AM
Some of us like looking at your pictures.

Hey, I'll be back in Fresno next month. Need a road trip?

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 09-21-11 at 10:09 AM
Good luke finding them anymore with the "new" facebook!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Sagebrush Dan on 09-22-11 at 01:51 PM
"Good luke"? Is Luke your new boyfriend?????? Just can't trust anyone these days!


Phylled by Tribe

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 03-01-12 at 05:16 PM
Luke is short for Luca who happens to be my sister's husband's brother's dog. She usually can find anything. We have taken to calling her luke!



I wonder if you believe that load of crap I just fed you.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by suzzee on 03-01-12 at 05:02 PM
LOL, somehow I just don't think they'd understand Losers Lodge. bwahahaha.

LIKE!


Sweet! Thanks to Ag!


"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 03-01-12 at 05:20 PM
I don't think the majority of the population would understand Loser Lodge! . Only us weirdos

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by qwertypie on 03-01-12 at 10:45 PM
LAST EDITED ON 03-01-12 AT 10:46 PM (EST)

(is that a wink, or a weird facial tic I've recently developed?)

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 03-02-12 at 10:55 AM
yes
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by SpotTheDiffference on 09-21-11 at 05:56 AM
I'm currently working on a two-person project so team harmony is essential. However, while I seem friendly with my teammate, I really couldn't stand him for several reasons:

1. He acts as if he's superior to me. He checks every.single.line of code that I put in, proofreads any document that I write (although they always end up with at least five glaring grammatical errors that I have to subsequently correct), and tells me to take meetings that he's supposed to attend.

2. He's extremely homophobic. We have a friend at work who's gay who he constantly harasses, telling him that he can still change and that his "condition" is temporary. He also avoids passing by one particular building near ours, because it houses a lot of call centers, and "people who work at call centers are gay".

3. He also has a need to remind everyone that he has a girlfriend (this is particularly annoying; his relationship status somehow continually pops out of any conversation, regardless of how tangential the connection is). Somehow, I think this is related to #2.

Unless I take him and everyone else who knows him out of my Facebook friends list, this mini-rant will remain here (and in my head, where is he is slowly dying a painful death involving needles and branding irons).

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Starshine on 09-21-11 at 08:04 AM
Someone doesn't sound comfortable about their sexuality...

I hate those two person, one person projects when t'other person wastes most of their time trying to be seen as the leader (as sounds the case here) leaving me (or you in this case) to actually do the work.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by samboohoo on 09-21-11 at 08:55 AM
*hugs*

At the moment, I can't post much of anything on FB, because I can't figure out the new, easier, Facebook!!!

One thing I would love to post and can't is this:

It's a shame I can't open my freaking windows at night to get some good fresh air when I sleep because of all of the inconsiderate dog owners around me who don't seem to understand that if you're dog is continually barking, there might just be something wrong. Grrrrr. My neighbors are the reason I've become a "non-dog" person.


Samboobree, brought to life by Arkie


"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-21-11 at 10:31 AM
what is this 'new' Fb ya'll are talkin about?
I've seen a few changes but nothing staggering - well, except I tried to send a message to someone & I kept getting the chat box instead.


Showin off my win! Thanks Cahaya-wonderful game!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by qwertypie on 09-21-11 at 11:09 AM

It might be a rolling roll-out (that doesn't make any sense, does it?) I haven't seen any big changes yet, but I assume I will soon.
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 09-21-11 at 12:02 PM
?????? huh?



"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by dragonflies on 09-21-11 at 02:17 PM
I've had the new FB today only, and have determined that it svcks.

"oh...."
Posted by jbug on 09-21-11 at 10:20 PM
It made it to me today.
I agree - it svcks.


Showin off my win! Thanks Cahaya-wonderful game!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by moonbaby on 09-21-11 at 09:11 AM
I'll be thinking of your brother and you family, tkit, and praying for his safe return! And ask him if it would be OK to get in touch with his girl!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-21-11 at 09:30 AM
Hey Kttn,
I can't imagine the worry you must be going thru. We have a number of young men and women in our community who are in the service; several have been "overseas" but not in harms way.
I'll be praying for your brother.
You know you can post here in OT any time you are feeling the need to vent or fret.
I agree with others too; ask him if you can contact her now; if you can't meet face to face, maybe letters - even the old fashioned kind! - so you can get to know her.
many {{{hugs}}}
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-21-11 at 09:49 AM
I didn't find it selfish and if anyone else does they can just shut it. In fact if you want to talk every single day for the whole nine months it's fine with me. Your brother will be in my thoughts every day until he's home.

What I would suggest is having your brother introduce you to his girlfriend even if it's by phone. She's worried also and having someone to talk to that knows how she feels or how you feel will be a relief for you both. Become fb friends, send lots of messages even if you don't chat over the phone.

I've met a few of the girlfriends from this incident that feels like they have no place within the grieving families and it's not good. So knowing how much your brother loves her I'd reach out to her now. And at the end of his 9 months you'll be able to share the relief and joy with someone that feels EXACTLY how you feel. Double the pleasure.

I'm just a phone call away if you need to vent at anytime.
*hugs

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Breezy on 09-21-11 at 11:59 AM
I agree with everything Tummy said. *hugs*
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by byoffer on 09-27-11 at 09:31 PM
I agree with Tummy. Very thoughtful to think about the girlfriend's needs.

I will add, don't forget our needs. Now that you have inflicted this on us, I will also spend the next 9 months worrying about your brother, just as I worried about Bree the whole time she was gone.

Being a Canadian, with our relatively small military, I have actually never known anyone who was sent overseas for duty or is even serving in the military at home. I remember very well when Tummy told us about Bree heading overseas, and this was my first introduction to that terrible anxious feeling.

Just as Tummy's daughter is part of our OT family, so is your brother, Tkit. So Tkit, I will ask that you please come back here with some regularity and keep us updated. Help us through this process as we help you.

And let's all start counting down the days until his safe return.


"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Max Headroom on 09-21-11 at 09:57 AM
The svck factor of my life has been steadily increasing for a while now. If I post a continuous stream of gripey, venting commentary on Facebook, it's a downer for everyone, plus none of my friends can do anything to help. So I keep it all to myself.

With that said, my svck factor hinges on far less important things than tkit's brother being deployed to Afghanistan. *hugs tkit*

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-21-11 at 10:30 AM
Other than the obvious - the other most suckiest thing is that when Rob came out here for the funeral in Philly and the burial at ##### his workplace got a new manager. When he got back he found out he'd lost his set schedule, got put on nights and that she'd made everyone "less than" fulltime. Now he's looking for another job. Personally, I'd like to hit her. I really don't want to be worrying about that right now.
"Everything."
Posted by Estee on 09-21-11 at 10:31 AM
I can't say anything about myself on Facebook. I don't trust the operation. I don't trust their security. I don't trust the people roaming around looking for Next Victim Up. I don't like the way corporations are trying to use the thing for data mining. I don't respect the ownership. I don't like the invasive aspects of updating my life every five minutes. I. Don't. Like. The. Site.

I have tried to explain this to my circlemates. Most of them think I'm being, at best, silly. To which I just wait to see whose back hits the wall first when the code invasion comes.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by mrc on 09-21-11 at 10:50 AM
1. Telling your class that you didn't feel like grading over the weekend, then telling a class that you're canceling class to do the grading is not cool. Especially when your T.A. does all of the grading.

2. You aren't British, and no one is buying your newly discovered accent from childhood, so just stop.

A Slice of Manga

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by grit on 09-21-11 at 11:03 AM
I accidentally shared something on Facebook that I shouldn't have. I was thinking about going to Oregon to get some help for my sister. I've been talking to an attorney and a psychiatrist. We've been monitoring her blog and her mental condition seems to be deteriorating. I forgot to lock the post so that my niece (my sister's daughter) wouldn't see it. My niece saw the post and told her mother that I'm coming to Oregon. Now the stuff on her blog is even crazier.

My sister used to be in a cult until she was thrown out. Yes, she was actually ejected from the cult. She loved that cult and hates the fact that she was thrown out. She's been damaged from being in the cult. I suspect sexual abuse, as well. She claims that she doesn't need psychiatric help because she's healed but her blog shows otherwise.

I'm now leaning towards not going. Every attempt I've made to talk with her has failed. She blames me and my mother for her involvement with the cult. She blames us for not rescuing her, even though we made several attempts to get her to cut off all contact with the group. We had no idea at the time that the group was a cult. She's angry with me because I went off to college, met a great guy and got married, and have a nice life while she's had a really hard life because of her cult involvement. Family obligations only go so far. Why should I even bother? She's made it quite obvious she wants nothing to do with me.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-21-11 at 11:11 AM
Ack! *big hugs

I haven't talked to my sister in over a year and I still say good riddance, but mine is evil to the core. I say you do what your heart tells you to.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 09-21-11 at 12:05 PM
Tummy, I'm sorry to hear that you are even feeling like that about a member of your family! When things get that bad it's sad. I know this from experience.



"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-21-11 at 12:35 PM
I'm just glad I can pick my friends.
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Snidget on 09-21-11 at 12:46 PM
Tru Dat!

I have family I can't really deal with either. It is sad, but unfortunately all too common.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Max Headroom on 09-21-11 at 01:25 PM
I have family I can't really deal with

*sits with Snidge in the loser family section*

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 09-21-11 at 02:00 PM

D w hates my family and always tells me what losers they are. I have BIL whom I can't deal with, does that allow me to sit with you and Snidge?


"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Estee on 09-21-11 at 12:46 PM
And when you come out to get her, she will blame you for not arriving sooner.

I would make one attempt to get her into professional care. I would also consider making it clear to her that it was the last try. It's hard to help someone who doesn't want it, and she may fight getting better just from the resentment of your having said there was a problem. You arguably have to try -- but you don't have to let her drag you under with her.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Snidget on 09-21-11 at 12:53 PM
Hopefully she'll get the help she really needs, unfortunately sometimes everything that makes one need help also makes one really unwilling to get it.

I wish I knew what to say so she'll get help. I am reminded by the recent Steve O interview I saw about his 3+ years of sobriety for some reason (which took involuntary commitment in a psych ward to get it started). He said when it was his cast mates from Jacka** who were the ones pushing for the intervention that did finally give him the sign that maybe something bad was going on that needed professional help.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 09-21-11 at 12:07 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-21-11 AT 03:22 PM (EST)

I have a lot of little problems going on which I refuse to discuss on facebook, but nothing compared to your situation!.....suddenly mine don't seem all that bad. ((hugs))



"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Estee on 09-21-11 at 12:58 PM
A few days ago, a friend sent me a short story he'd written, intending to put it up on a fansite after giving it a final look-over. He wanted me to read it and give my opinion as to whether it was ready. And I, like a complete beyotch, turned into the worst thing possible for that situation: a cross between an editor and the most evil thing in the world -- the English teacher. I suggested switches here, word changes there, a potential punctuation trick somewhere else, and mailed it back as 'almost ready, but consider this'.

I haven't heard from him since.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-21-11 at 01:34 PM
Shame on him. If he didn't want the advice he shouldn't have asked.
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Estee on 09-21-11 at 01:38 PM
No, shame on me. I feel I took it too far. If I got a reply like that for something I'd written, taking a day or two for long thoughts would be at the low end of the list. There's a difference between honest editing and a bloody rewrite to taste.
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by kingfish on 09-21-11 at 02:01 PM
Replying to your question: Like Agman, I can't be as uninhibited on FB as I can be here. And that makes FB a place that just isn't as much fun. Or cathartic.

In addition, you can't really be as honest with your feelings or opinions on FB. People you know read it and to be really honest is to not care about the repercussions, and I think we all care about how we might affect others.

This is a place where you can adjust the veil of anonymity to your comfort level and act accordingly. And to a greater extent we can be straight forward with our opinions. That said, even here there are civility limits.

As to your situation TKit, I think that that was a bit unfair of your brother to lay that on you. Worrying about him during this rotation is bad enough, but adding to that the possibility that you might have to travel across the country and tell a perfect stranger that kind of thing while you yourself are grieving isn't what he would really want, I think, if he were to think about it and to consider what that would do to you. There's got to be way to get what he wants done that is a bit more considerate. Other than being gently honest with him (and maybe this is a time for honesty) I don't have a suggestion, but I hope a little sympathy for your situation helps.

As it stands, though, let's hope for the best and not assume the worst. Hopefully he will return when this is over and you will get to meet a wonderful woman and be introduced to a generous new in-law family that has season tickets to all the sporting events and a beach house in the Keys.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by dragonflies on 09-21-11 at 02:22 PM
I thought the same thing as the fish. Having been in a position to have to hop on a plane as my mom died, I wouldn't want to do that again.

That being said, I'm sending lots of {{hugs}} and well wishes for your brother!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-21-11 at 05:00 PM
As most of you may have realized, the FB account I share with all of you is not the same one I use for family and IRL friends.
Not that I want to keep anything about my life from you; rather the other way around;
DH & my sister & nieces know about this place. But, I have aunts (old people) on FB who are nosey.

Example: I have IRL life friends from FL, NC and CA who are on my FB page. Sometimes they might post in reply to something I posted, and then I have nosey aunts respond. Does that make sense?
I once posted about an event at our church, Oak Grove. The NC friend posted "what's Oak Grove?" One aunt got nasty about it being our church like he & everyone else should know that!
Sometimes they don't have a clue that not everyone on FB is one's immediate family or friends who live within 30 miles,. LOL


Showin off my win! Thanks Cahaya-wonderful game!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by dragonflies on 09-21-11 at 02:26 PM
I have my blog to post things I can't post on FB.

Since I am "friends" with several coworkers, I can't post on FB that I have a job interview on Monday. First one in almost 11 years. I'm very excited about it, but trying to remain realistic as well. Although since DH and I split, I've been very lucky in small ways. (won cream puffs, some summerfest tickets, State Fair tickets, etc) Maybe this will be a big one.

I have no interview type clothes anymore. Our office is business casual at best. Last night I went out and bought 2 new suits at Boston Store. Got a very good deal.

ps. I'm meeting an author friend today! Yes, that author friend

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-21-11 at 06:50 PM
Good luck with the interview!
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by thndrkttn on 09-21-11 at 02:28 PM
Thank you everyone for your thoughts (Tummy!) and to Fooner for the VERY generous pm. (I will get back to you shortly.)

He is planning on giving me all her information this week and I am supposed to keep her updated as much as possible so hopefully over the next nine months she won't be so much of a stranger. I have come this ---> || close to friending her on Facebook but wanted to wait for the go-ahead from him. No need to make bad first impressions. "Hey, I am the crazy stalker possible sister in law. HI!!!"

jbug, you need a break! No need to feel selfish at all. I guess since we don't really use our blogs anymore, I thought some of us might need a place to vent that is relatively separate from Facebook.

Funny how we keep coming back here even with the additions of Facebook and blogs...

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-22-11 at 08:53 AM
I love OT and get sad when it seems so deserted here. I've shared more of my feelings since 080611 happened with you all than with anyone else because I'm being the "strong" one IRL.

So glad you're going to "meet" before he leaves. I hope you become great friends before he gets back.

"A Facebook lesson to be learned.."
Posted by mom2bjm on 09-21-11 at 03:22 PM
Recently a niece indicated she was shutting her Facebook down, shortly after that, she deleted her blog as well - someplace where family could keep up on her kids, etc, since they live in the middle of the country!

I finally emailed and asked what had happened - her husband is/was in Pharmacy school, with a year left, and was working an internship at Walmart. He's a funny guy, and would occasionally post or tweet about people he came across. (VERY humorous at times!)

In the end, he was suspended from school in March and told to seek counseling for "his apparent obsession with social networking". They had also found a post he'd made on her blog, and then came more trouble - suspended for Fall Semester also. He had to complete six weeks of counseling and get a mental evaluation from a psychologist. They are nearly done with the paperwork to try to get him back in school for his LAST year ...

People DO watch what you post - most definitely


"RE: A Facebook lesson to be learned.."
Posted by agman on 09-21-11 at 03:27 PM
OMG that's awful! It's also very scary because you make an excellent point. I was reading an story on social networking and they were saying that when you apply for a job, many times they have someone go back through check computer sites and check out every post you make. Very scary stuff.


makes me glad I am careful what I post on FB and makes me wonder if what I post here is going to come back and bite me in the a$$!

"RE: A Facebook lesson to be learned.."
Posted by kidflash212 on 09-30-11 at 06:07 AM
They have instituted a social network policy at my job. So they do watch. A person was fired for posting a drunken picture of herself along with some comments about the company.

I mostly only go to play a few games.



Capn2patch put me in motion!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by kingfish on 09-21-11 at 05:59 PM
Great thread for why one should quit FB and blogging, and just post here.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-21-11 at 10:21 PM
where's that "like" button?


"Where"
Posted by foonermints on 09-22-11 at 01:49 AM
Is the "Make the purple dinosaur fall down a well never to be seen again" button?

←Now with more green!

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-22-11 at 08:54 AM
If there was a phone app for this place I'd probably never be on fb.
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 09-22-11 at 07:00 AM
Facebook? What's dat? Never signed up on there and don't have any plans to do so any time in the future. Pene was on my case for quite a while simply because she wanted to be able to link to me to show the world she has a spouse. She eventually changed the user name to include my first name...

Pene has learned to be more selective who she keeps company with on Facebook and what not to say after nosy people would come in and try to friend her even though she has no idea who they are, simply because they saw something they liked about what she said in response to a mutual friend's message. People can get rather snarky when you tell them "I don't know you so I'd rather not add you." It's a bit weird as well when your kids and parents are all also on facebook and seeing how you interact with your friends.

I'll just stick to being nosy into what OT people are posting and doing on here...

TKit... I think there's no shame at all in wanting to keep in touch with your brother's GF via FB, tell her exactly what's already been discussed here that you're sure that she might want to have an outlet to vent or commiserate about anything relating to your brother out there in Afghanistan. She should have no trouble at all understanding that and won't think of you as a stalker potential-sis-in-law type. I agree with the prior comment that your brother should introduce her to you by phone - just tell him "if you want me to fly out there and tell her in person, at least let me "meet" her via phone."

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by KeithFan on 09-22-11 at 07:50 AM
Dang, that's a heavy load to carry. Hope everything works out and you can all look back on it someday.

As for me, I wanted to post a picture of a nasty rash on my posterior, but my file size was too large Jenny Craig here I come.

"Travel Plans"
Posted by samboohoo on 09-22-11 at 08:41 AM
For obvious security reasons, but I had a funny thing happen early last year.

I went to Florida, and I made mention of it on FB, to which an OTer (coughcoughKingfishcoughcough) replied with something like, "That's not too far from me." As you can imagine, RL people were wondering why Alfred & I were going to be hooking up in Florida, so I had to quickly delete.



Samboobree, brought to life by Arkie


"RE: Travel Plans"
Posted by Tummy on 09-22-11 at 08:58 AM
*snort You should have just told them that you love seafood and let them figure it out.
"RE: Travel Plans"
Posted by moonbaby on 09-22-11 at 10:08 AM
I don't mention when I'm not going to be home for security sake, too- yet a friend seems to always post something like "Have a great trip!" Nice of her to wish me a great trip but I have asked her more than once NOT to do this.

My sister is the queen of "checking in." I told her it's nice of her to let a hundred people know when she's not home so they can go to her house and rob her.

"RE: Travel Plans"
Posted by Max Headroom on 09-22-11 at 10:39 AM
LAST EDITED ON 09-22-11 AT 10:47 AM (EST)

I hooked up with kingfish in Alabama a while back.

And photographic evidence can be found in the archives.
ETA: here.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Molaholic on 09-22-11 at 10:12 AM
My nephew's wife regularly posts stuff on FB that is indicative of some of the demons she has to deal with -- in one post she'll go on a rant about hating California, how her in-laws (my sister and BIL) treat her with no respect, how her kids are horrid (aged 3 and 1), etc. etc. etc.

Then, she'll post how much she loves her husband, how fortunate she feels about their new house, sharing some cute thing the 3-year-old just said, and the like.

She has friended and unfriended my sister several times...

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by agman on 09-22-11 at 10:14 AM

My in-laws live in town, if I went on some rant like that, I'd be dead!


"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-22-11 at 01:00 PM
Reminds me of a recent exp:

DH's kids stepfather died recently.
One of his daughters & her DH had moved there to help her mom take care of him. For as long as I have known them, the kids have always disliked him terribly - saying he was a horrible man, mistreated them, etc. The youngest - the son - moved out and came to live with us in CA when he was 13. He told stories of hiding under his bed to hide from his stepfather. The middle daughter had already moved out with her sister who had also left asap.
Anyway, while he was still sick, the daughter would call us and sorta vent - that was okay cause I knew she needed to get it out of her system & wouldn't speak ill of the man to her mother.

Then, after he died, both the daughter that was there and the son (who does not live near them) made posts on FB about the wonderful man who had died and how they would miss him!
I was shocked! I didn't say anything; what could I have said?
I'd met the man but only briefly.
I figured they were only trying to NOT speak ill of the dead.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Tummy on 09-22-11 at 01:38 PM
I think FB allows people to have fantasy lives. My niece has been married for a little over a year and has moved out three times and they fight constantly. Yet on FB it's "I love you baby", "can't wait for you to get home honey", "my man is the best" ect, ect. So sappy you want to gag. I often wonder if they forget that the majority knows what their life is really like.

Yes, I know I came off sounding mean just now, but I'm in a pissy mood and can't post that on facebook either.

"Another one"
Posted by Tummy on 09-22-11 at 12:11 PM
My MIL can be a complete beyotch sometimes.

She called and left a voicemail - all sugary "hi, this is your favorite mother-in-law"....and goes on to say she's just checking in.

And then she thinks she's hung up the phone.
Only she hasn't.

So the rest of the message is in this judgemental tone about how she knows this was a horrible thing and that the different memorials, funerals and burial were drawn out but to stay as loooong as I have is ridiculous. and then she realizes she hasn't hung up the phone because you hear a distinct curse word and click.

I'd like to punch her in the face. <---that's what I'd like to put on facebook but can't.

"RE: Another one"
Posted by kingfish on 09-22-11 at 12:21 PM
Hilarious.
"RE: Another one"
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 09-22-11 at 03:03 PM

How passive aggressive is that?

First of all, {{{Hugs}}} You, Bree, and Mike's family have all been through the wringer.

I wonder if what your MIL did could be called a "Freudian slip", in that she didn't hang up the phone, and therefore, maybe she wanted you to know how she really felt. It's sad that she does not have much compassion for your and Bree's situation.

As far as FB goes, I have separate pages that I've started for small groups of us who want to be free to say whatever we want to say, and not have everyone be able to read it. I also use a secure FB setting, so people can't hack into my account.



"Does anyone have the code book? I need to look up tatties and neeps." - kidflash212, 9/15/11

"RE: Another one"
Posted by weltek on 09-22-11 at 03:07 PM
I think she needs a postcard!

-A Tribetastic Creation
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by motormouth on 09-29-11 at 08:50 PM
Aww Tkit, my thoughts will be with you during this time. I agree with Tummy's advice on everything. So glad you have her to turn to! *hugs*

As for my own "secrets" from facebook, I'm happy to say I'm FINALLY coming out with my 'real life' there. I've been sheltering my kids, parents and I suppose even my ex-MIL from my new life. I've been dating a guy for a while now, and I knew I would get some flack for it. Well, he and I recently went on a camping/fishing trip and I posted the pictures. I'm grateful that so far, everyone has either been quiet, or supportive. I still haven't changed my status to reflect my being "in a relationship" (currently I have no status) but I don't care too much about that stuff. Just trying to be true to myself, finally.



Flashy sig by RollDdice

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by jbug on 09-29-11 at 09:01 PM
good for you!
Sometimes it's important to make yourself #1
"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by samboohoo on 09-30-11 at 09:18 AM
I have a certain "friend" on Facebook that I'm pretty much basically friends with because of mutual association with a group of people. Every time he posts, I cringe because almost every single thing he says makes him look like a complete fool. A stupid, stupid, fool. He has not changed a single bit in all of the years I have known him, yet I think a lot of my changes (especially as they relate to men and relationships) are because of the time I spent with him. I was young. I was naive. He is my first "mistake," and definitely not my favorite.

Anytime he posts anything, I want to say, "Really? You? You? I loved you?" At this point he is purely entertainment for me.


Samboobree, brought to life by Arkie


"BUMP!"
Posted by thndrkttn on 02-27-12 at 04:51 PM
Family Member A texts me and tells me, NOT ASKS, that she will be staying at my house in a week. She then goes on to tell me that her sibling, Family Memmber B, will be staying as well. I do not like Family Member B as she treats family Member A, like a servant. The text goes on to say that in addition to Family Member B staying, Family Member B's 3 year old daughter will be coming as well. In addition to that, I will need to watch said 3 year old all day Saturday while A and B play in a tournament and after dinner and drinks probably won't be back until 11:00pm. I have met said 3 year exactly once. I don't have kids but I know that if you drop a 3 year old off in a strange place with a stranger, it is not going to be pleasant.

So, um, no, no and no.

"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 02-27-12 at 05:08 PM

That should be not um, no, but He!! NOOOO! I would not let them think you will weaken your resolve when you say no. They will get over it quickly and move on to ask someone else to do it, and you will be happily off the hook.

It's very nervy to invite yourself to someone else's home to stay, and even worse to think the hostess will be willing to watch a baby. No, no, NO!


Snow globe sig and starfish globe by Agman 2011

"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by thndrkttn on 02-27-12 at 05:25 PM
The problem with this whole scenario is that I know B put A up to asking. B's whole family caters to B's every whim, including and mostly A. So A doesn't see this whole request as out of the ordinary where I am completley floored by the request. I would never in a million years text someone and tell them: I'm staying at your place in a week. I'm bringing my brother and his kid and you are going to watch the kid while my brother and I party all day.

And it wasn't just "Hell no" I was thinking. It was more of an "Over my effing dead body" kind of thing.

"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by cahaya on 02-27-12 at 05:35 PM
And it wasn't just "Hell no" I was thinking. It was more of an "Over my effing dead body" kind of thing.

Better yet... "Show up anyway and you're dead meat." kind of thing.

Speed dial 911 and call the coroner.

"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 02-27-12 at 05:40 PM
Just sweetly ask, "Are you *sure* you want to leave your three-year-old with me? There'll be lots of knives and stuff flying around as I've already got plans to whip up some OTCC stuff. Again, let me make it clear, are you SURE you want a child around me?"
"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by jbug on 02-27-12 at 05:31 PM
wow!

Technology is a way for people to try to take the easy road.
In many situations.
Don't let them get away with it.

I recently saw my brother's soon-to-be ex-DIL post an ugly comment on FB in reply to his supportive comment to his grand-daughter; her daughter.
Why do people feel it is ok to air all their dirty laundry in public like that?

"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by agman on 02-27-12 at 05:48 PM
Amen to that! Sometimes I think people are Highschool again with the way they act!


Of course, I'm perfect!

"My second cousin's kid's latest post"
Posted by qwertypie on 02-27-12 at 06:29 PM
Why do people feel it is ok to air all their dirty laundry in public like that?
Computer- fixed. Lawyer - obtained. Likelihood of charges being dropped - high. It's a good day.
"RE: My second cousin's kid's latest post"
Posted by agman on 02-27-12 at 07:43 PM
*roflmao



"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by agman on 02-27-12 at 05:38 PM
Get outta town!!!!..My response woulb be..."Oh he!! no!!!!!
"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by weltek on 02-27-12 at 05:52 PM
Yuck! My response would be, "sorry, that plan doesn't work for us. Perhaps if you ask next time in advance, we'll be able to accomodate you."


-Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by cahaya on 02-27-12 at 05:54 PM
Swoop block!
"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by agman on 02-27-12 at 05:55 PM
like
"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by thndrkttn on 02-27-12 at 06:14 PM
I would accomodate A and her kids if she asked in advance. It will be a cold day in hell before I ever let B in my house, let alone watching her child for her. B is the same woman who thought it was cute that she bought all of her kids, ages 7, 5 and 3... BB guns for Christmas. And she was so smug about the whole thing as though she was brilliant for getting her small children BB guns for Christmas.
"RE: BUMP!"
Posted by qwertypie on 02-27-12 at 06:23 PM
Except I would remove the "Sorry" from the response.
"What Facebook needs to add..."
Posted by cahaya on 02-27-12 at 05:52 PM
... in its Friends upgrade: Enemies.
"or............"
Posted by agman on 02-27-12 at 05:54 PM
losers!

monsteer thread, here you come!.....Like

"What Facebook needs to add again..."
Posted by cahaya on 02-27-12 at 05:55 PM
... in its Like upgrade: Hate.
"better yet"
Posted by agman on 02-27-12 at 05:56 PM
Do not want this person burried with my people.
"RE: better yet"
Posted by cahaya on 02-27-12 at 05:59 PM
-1
"RE: better yet"
Posted by agman on 02-27-12 at 06:03 PM
what??????? I thought that one was pretty good!

"RE: better yet"
Posted by PepeLePew13 on 02-27-12 at 06:05 PM
"burried" was the reason for the -1.

"RE: better yet"
Posted by agman on 02-27-12 at 06:07 PM
You poo head!
"RE: better yet"
Posted by cahaya on 02-27-12 at 08:09 PM
Don't Share

Tweet Twit.

"RE: Things you can't post on Facebook..."
Posted by Molaholic on 02-27-12 at 10:45 PM
We've been dealing with my nephew's wife -- she's got some serious stuff going on (major personality disorder & bipolar behaviors). They're currently living with my sister & BIL -- well, they are "residing" in the same house -- she's told their two darling little girls (ages 3 and 1) that "(name)" -- they're no longer allowed to call her "grandma" -- is "absolutely horrid, lies, and can't be trusted." The 3-year-old doesn't understand why when she can see that grandma loves her more than anything in the world.

She (nephew's wife) is a regular on FB and until recently, I was still on her friend list.

My sister & BIL have made the unbelievably difficult decision to have them move out -- their finances are tenuous at best -- but things have gone beyond reason. My nephew, for whatever reason, is unable to deal with the division and usually stands silently while his family is being devastated.

Whatever positive mojo you can spare would be greatly appreciated.

"To M & D, my single friends:"
Posted by weltek on 02-28-12 at 01:40 PM
Re: Your various home improvement requests over the last few years:

No, I don't think it would be "fun" to help you paint things in your house. I have painted many things by myself over the years, and despite having a husband, I still end up doing the painting by myself. No, pizza and beer won't coax me.

Don't even think about asking me to put up drywall when you make over $50K a year and take multiple vacations to exotic locales. If you made $30K and were skimping, I might understand you can't afford to hire someone with stronger arms, back and more skill. So, here's the yellow pages and your local newspaper. Find a professional.



-Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: To M & D, my single friends:"
Posted by jbug on 02-28-12 at 01:57 PM
Oh, I am so with you here.
I don't get asked to help with their at home work.
But I get to listen to complaints of how much it's going to cost to hire someone to do some work;
and yes, they too have taken many vacations & they don't shop at Walmart - IYKWIM.
"RE: To M & D, my single friends:"
Posted by agman on 02-29-12 at 10:47 AM
Would you like to help my kids with their homework?



"Tkit"
Posted by weltek on 02-28-12 at 01:43 PM
How is your brother?

Have you spoken to the girlfriend yet?


-Handcrafted by RollDdice

"RE: Tkit"
Posted by thndrkttn on 02-28-12 at 01:52 PM
I spoke to him on Thursday. He's doing fine. Less than four months to go and he's going to end up on the east coast for a year when he gets back. Haven't spoken to the gf yet. Last contact I had with her was an email right before Christmas. I suppose I should drop her a line to see how she's holding up. Her birthday is coming up in March and I am going to send her a card. Maybe I should include something from Charlotte for fun.

Oh and he's going to have his '68 Chevelle shipped to us to have our car guy do some major overhauling on it. So I get to drive his Chevelle once it's done. Woot!


Thanks for asking!!

"Addendum to the Bump!"
Posted by thndrkttn on 02-28-12 at 01:47 PM
Come to find out, through Facebook no less, that they were planning on bringing THREE kids and I was going to have to watch them all day Saturday AND Sunday. WTF??!!!!

I honestly cannot get over the nerve of these two.

"RE: Addendum to the Bump!"
Posted by cahaya on 02-28-12 at 02:20 PM
Well...

Why don't you just add a comment on the FB page, then? I mean, why even bother to call? And say in your FB comments...

"House closed. No vacancy. Find another place to stay. Thank you."

"RE: Addendum to the Bump!"
Posted by agman on 02-28-12 at 02:24 PM

"RE: Addendum to the Bump!"
Posted by qwertypie on 02-29-12 at 11:00 AM
LAST EDITED ON 02-29-12 AT 11:00 AM (EST)

Wow. Oh wow! Just to avoid unneccesary drama, maybe don't be around when they are planning to arrive.

"RE: Addendum to the Bump!"
Posted by agman on 02-29-12 at 11:06 AM
"Good idea"
Posted by moonbaby on 02-29-12 at 01:53 PM
I am AGHAST at the brass you know whats on them-truly- and that is a word I never thought I'd use. I hope they wouldn't just show up with the kids anyway and try to pull the old drop and run.

"RE: Good idea"
Posted by qwertypie on 02-29-12 at 02:12 PM
I am sure ding dong ditch is exactly what they would do.
"RE: Good idea"
Posted by thndrkttn on 02-29-12 at 05:31 PM
We will not be here when they are coming through. And if for some reason we can't get our acts together, I am going to take my car and park it at the pool so there's only one car in the driveway. All the blinds will be pulled and we will NOT be answering the doorbell. I already told them no, that we were busy. If they show up anyway, I am going to be more p!ssed than I am now but I don't think they will.
"RE: Good idea"
Posted by agman on 02-29-12 at 06:10 PM
Actually, Kinfish,Fooner and I will come over and offer to watch their kids. If that doesn't scare them off, nothing will!!!!!
"She broke up with him..."
Posted by thndrkttn on 04-01-12 at 11:56 AM

...beacuse she "couldn't handle the military life." Ignored him for a couple of weeks and then sent him an email saying that she was wrong and wanted to be together again. He said "Nope! Too bad, so sad".

I didn't post this before but something about her and what I saw on Facebook (so cheesy to even say that) didn't add up and I started having reservations about her somewhere around Thanksgiving. I never said anything to him about it and will never say anything to him about it. He's handling it well and will be home the last week in May/very beginning of June. As soon as he is done with his debriefing, we're renting a beach house in San Diego for a week.

"RE: She broke up with him..."
Posted by qwertypie on 04-01-12 at 01:11 PM
((((hugs)))).
"RE: She broke up with him..."
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 04-01-12 at 05:11 PM

It's better for your brother to find out what kind of woman she is now, instead of later. (((Hugs)))

Have fun at the beach house!


Looking forward to Spring!!