Joining there is very little you can do or say. If the huge wake up call of watching family with it doesn't work there often is not much you can do.

Although acting as if each time you see him might be the last and the whole lets do this thing before you die might be tempting. Unfortunately sometimes all the attempts to get them to take care of themselves seem to do is make them more committed to being self destructive.

In general, there isn't much you can do for him if he has that weird death wish thing going.

However, Mr Bob's uncle has diabetes and after 30 years he joined a diabetes group. They meet once a month, swap recipes, discuss treatments, compare medications etc..

Within a year he had switched medications and had his health in better control than ever. The knowledge base of the group was very useful. He knew what questions to ask his doctor and what symptoms he didn't need to put up with.

So for your friend, maybe you could hunt up a support/learning group and give him the information and offer him a ride. He sounds like he might turn you down, but, as a friend, you can try to steer him in the right direction.

Repeat once a year and let it drop the rest of the time.

However, Mr Bob's uncle has diabetes and after 30 years he joined a diabetes group. They meet once a month, swap recipes, discuss treatments, compare medications etc..

I know the group I've been involved with for gastric bypass/weight loss has had a huge effect on my success, so I'll definately shove this down his throat suggest it.

You know, in general, you can't really help people who are dead set on not helping themselves. (See the suicide thread for real examples on that)

In your friends case, you may be able to help. It sounds like he is modeling his medical treatments and how he deals with the disease after his fathers behaviour : Denial. He sounds like a defeated kid (I know it won't work so why try?)

We often model ourselves after our parents even when we know it didn't work. If he could meet some people who are coping successfully with their disease and living healthy, active lives, he may see another way to deal with things.

Now, I still agree with everyone else that you can't "save" him, but you may be able to help. I keep thinking how much happier and in control my uncle-in-law was after he started taking an active role in managing his diabetes (and he'd had it his whole life). It's worth a shot.

Arkie knows anything is possible

I agree that you can't "change" someone. IT won't work. However, whenever someone shares something personal with me (like their health issues) and we are friends? I flat out ask, "Are you sharing this with me just as a general topic of conversation, or because you want my help, as your friend, because you know I care about you?"

Listen to the answer. If your friend says "I'm just making conversation" then, you will alienate this person by pushing the issue. Modeling good behavior is the only thing you can do.

If they WANT your help, now they have an open door to ask for it.

I had a friend go completely blind from Diabetes. He wishes he had managed his Diabetes to the point where he didn't go blind. However, he STILL drinks alcohol and doesn't take care of himself. He's not gonna change. Alienating him by pointing out what he already KNOWS he's doing wrong, by pointing this out? just gives him one less friend while he's here.

LAST EDITED ON 07-17-06 AT 10:32 PM (EST)

You've given me a couple of ideas I'll try with my friend. Interesting that the phrase "model appropriate behavior" was used, since we're both teachers, we know about that technique of behavior modification.
But, yes, the real decision is his. If I can convince him to join some kind of support group, I'll consider the effort a success.

"Andre Dawson is listed as day-to-day. Come to think of it, aren't we all?" Vin Scully