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Original Message
"I'm about to become a mom, sort of"
Posted by mysticwolf on 05-10-06 at 05:10 PM
My 36 yr. old, unemployed, nephew is moving in with us tonight. He has a job offer from a Harley dealership in the area. They really want him badly. So...

On the one hand, if he gets the job, there will be at least 1 working adult in the household. But, that also means that he'll be living here until he can save enough money to get a place of his own.

On the other hand, if he doesn't get the job, he'll be moving back down to VA with his folks.

I love this kid dearly, but, quite honestly, I'm not sure which scenario I prefer.

On the bright side, it's forced us to finally start cleaning up the spare bedroom that we've been using as a closet extension and storage room. It's not gonna be completely finished by the time he arrives (because we only got 2 days notice that he was coming), but he should have a bed to sleep in. Figure he'll prefer that to the couch where the cats will walk on him all night and the rooster will wake him in the morning.


An Arkie curious cub blogging's scary
God, I had no idea how many shoes I'd collected over the years, or how much clothing we'd accumulated and stuffed into storage. I've found stuff I've looked for for two years. *hangs head in shame* No. I do not like to clean. Yes. I am a packrat. So's dh. It doesn't help.

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Messages in this discussion
"RE: I'm about to become a mom, sort of"
Posted by tribephyl on 05-10-06 at 05:43 PM
That's an awfully big baby you got there.


Pardon me for unloading a couple of things from my "spare-room" as well. Hope you have space for them.

"RE: I'm about to become a mom, sort of"
Posted by mysticwolf on 05-10-06 at 07:06 PM
Wow! Thanks!!! You can clear out your spare room anytime you like, sweetie.

ffont size="1"]Worst part about this is I'm gonna have to stay dressed all the time. That part svcks.


Puppy Lvoe from Tribe blogging's scary

"RE: I'm about to become a mom, sort of"
Posted by cahaya on 05-10-06 at 07:09 PM
Wait 'til he brings a Harley home (with a chick!).

I can see why you're in two minds about it, mystic. If all goes smoothly, it'll be an interesting and fun time. In my family, at least, that'd be a big 'if'.

We often have family guests for extended stays, particularly DW's mother who sometimes stays several weeks. I enjoy those times a lot, but I'm not sure if I'd want someone outside my immediate family living with us for a longer duration than that. You're braver than I am!


An Arkie Asian creation, with Foo dog images by Bob.

Good luck, both to your nephew and you & DH with the arrangements.

"Actually..."
Posted by tribephyl on 05-11-06 at 05:34 AM
I owe a big huge favor to my aunt for housing me for 2 months when I moved from Washington to California. (It was some years ago, but still noteworthy.)

Without the home and the love, Ida been lost.
It allowed me some time to figure out the "previously arranged" living-situation (which was a total bust) and offered me some more time to figure another living situation out. (Which I'm so thankful for.)

You'll inevitabley have to reapproach the time-constraints/workaroundthehouse load but he'll be forever greatful.

And at least in the case of my aunt and me ... we have so much fun together and found more than a couple of things that will remain as my favorite memories for a lifetime.

"RE: Actually..."
Posted by cahaya on 05-11-06 at 10:07 AM
I had a similar experience with my uncle. He took me in while I went back to the university to study the second time around, at a time when I was scrapping and working hard just to pay tuition. At the time, he and I were both single and the arrangement worked out really well. In retrospect, had he been married and with kids (as he later was), it probably would have been more difficult for both of us.


An Arkie Asian creation, with Foo dog images by Bob.

"RE: Actually..."
Posted by mysticwolf on 05-11-06 at 11:39 AM
Well, right now I'm vascillating between worried and furious, rapidly leaning more and more toward the latter.

He told me he would arrive late on Wednesday night. He said he would call if that changed. We worked our azzes off to get a room ready for him. His mom told me that he left their house before 8am and figured it would be a 10-11 hr. drive. By 4am we still had neither seen nor heard from him.

It is now going on noon. He still isn't here. He still hasn't called. Hell, the jury in the Father Robinson case didn't take this long. They started deliberations yesterday and just returned a verdict of guilty.

We actually were planning to go into Toledo to an IT job fair. But, if he decides to finally show up while we're gone he won't be able to get in. And, you know what? I'm starting to think that would be a good thing. >}



Puppy Lvoe from Tribe blogging's scary

"RE: Actually..."
Posted by Snidget on 05-11-06 at 11:54 AM
Yep, I'd leave a note with directions to the nearest coffee shop he can hang out at with your expected time of return and a sorry we waited as long as we could sort of thing.

This fits in well with the point I was going to make while I was reading the intial post.

Ground Rules Meeting.

As soon as possilbe have a meeting to discuss as a group of adults what the expectations, rules, etc. are going to be.

Like Minimal clothing requirments .

Basic things like what chores he will chip in on, what the quirks are that you like about how you live you really want him to follow (with room for negotiation on the points, he's and adult not a kid you can't dictate everything).

Just work out what you expect of each other so there isn't the simmering resentment, with the but you never told me you wanted me to do my own dishes kind of murder scene communication.

Imaginary friends by Bob!

"RE: Actually..."
Posted by mysticwolf on 05-11-06 at 10:51 PM
I don't think ground rules are going to be a problem. Let's see... He needs a place to stay and tells me he will be in late on Wed. night. If things change, he will give me a call. We bust our butts to make a place for him to stay, and get a house key made for him.

I know he left on a 10 hr. drive to here before 8am Wed. morning. I figure he stopped to visit friends (he lived in the area before), so I stay up until 4am in case he shows up. No show, no call.

We stayed around as much of today as possible before going to the job fair (which was a phenomenal bust and waste of time & gas). It's now 11pm Thursday. Still no show, no call. His parents haven't heard anything from him, either. (My sister was apologetic on his behalf, his dad is pissed & apologetic to us. BTW - He has my sister's car & calling card.)

At this point I figure that he either doesn't want our help (although he asked for it, himself), &/or he has decided he doesn't need our help. Works for me.

I have a mostly clean guest room, which I haven't had in a number of years. Which we rearranged our lives to arrange for him, on short notice. The house is vaccuumed and dusted, the bathrooms cleaned. We have gone through our wardrobes and actually stored our off-climate clothes, which we haven't done in a number of years - weeding out a number of things for resale or donation. I have an extra house key if I ever need it.

I'm betting that we won't hear from him until/unless he takes the job and wants long-term residence. Surprise! He may think he's avoiding inconveniencing us until he can pay rent. Sorry! If you pay rent them I have to accept whatever you want to do. Love ya, but, your rudeness just cost you. No key for you. Go stay with the friends that put you up so far. I'm not mom & dad, and you're not the cute little boy that was always secretly my favorite.

My former employees would tell you, I'm the most supportive and accomodating boss in the world - until you take advantage and piss me off one too many times. My diplomatic "good cop" persona may still come out on occassion on the SO Fora, but it's all "bad cop" here, at the moment. And, dh doesn't play "good cop" well.

It's high time for a no-longer-young man to grow up - and we're about to see that he starts.


Puppy Lvoe from Tribe blogging's scary
I just hope that it doesn't cost me my relationship with my favorite ds. And, she's probably not happy that I let his dad know that he's never showed up. But, he's his son, too.

"RE: I'm about to become a mom, sort of"
Posted by Lisapooh on 05-11-06 at 04:35 PM
a 36 year old unemployed Harley rider that's moving in with a reluctant relative?

I so have dated this guy.