*I hate the fact that Tripoli just lost $50 bucks, that is, if he is a betting man!We all know (well, at least me, True and Kira) that it's a Ram/Steeler Super Bowl this year. Perhaps we could offer you some cheesy poofs as a consolation priZZe, though! hehe
Ho..Ho..HO
<When my wallet was lost, I had to call my credit card companies. I found out that someone bought a couch. Arent I lucky? I bought a new couch. Wait a minute. It was a $4,999 couch. I think the CC company is going to murder me.>Um, Lee? When you find out the address of the perp who paid five grand for the couch, send me their address, okay? I have a great little set of end tables for only, uh, four thousand each that I'm sure would go real nice with the couch. Who the hell pays five thousand dollars (even if it's not their money) for a couch? I've never even SEEN a couch OR an ad for a couch that costs that much!
I hate renters! Good God, I hate renters! Now this doesn't really apply to you peeps that rent apartments. This applys to those sorry a$$holes that rent MY rental house and treat it like the worthless jerks that they are.I am so tired of jerks (gender-indifferent here) who:
1. Call me up at night and tell me they are breaking the lease and moving out the next day...or, have already moved! And have the nerve to ask, "Do you think I might get my deposit back?"
2. Have small children who can't keep their goddamned cool-aid or applejuice or whatever off of the carpets. And then allow it to just remain there.
3. Idiots that don't clean the house up when they move...do you really think I want to clean your nasty-a$$ commode and bathtub up when you never did?
4. Drag their furniture across my refinished hardwood floors, scratching them beyond belief after telling me in our interview how much you love hardwood floors?
5. Have ex-spouses who come to MY rental house and tear out shrubs because they think they're getting back at you?
6. Suddenly leave, taking only the neccessities and leaving all your junk for me to clean up and dispose of?
7. Dragging your washer and dryer over my brand-new kitchen floor tile and scraping the finish off of it?
8. Forgetting to call me to tell me that the kitchen sink is leaking until the floor is starting to sag, requiring major work (hence more new tile you a$$hole!)
9. Leaving God-only-knows-what kind of skanky crud in my brand new fridge that I put in right before you moved in?
10. Have ruined my countertops because you repeatedly put a flaming hot skillet or pot on top of them with no protection?
11. Snuck that fugging dog in AFTER signing a lease forbidding it, only to have little "precious" eat up my miniblinds and tear up half the kitchen tiles? (before new floor...whew, thannnnnnnk you! You MF!).
12. Never fixed the leaning mailbox that your stupid boyfriend hit with the moving van?
13. Put up more nails in the walls than are even holding the joists together?
14. Chipped paint off ALL wood trim...what were you doing, having midget-tossing contests?
15. And what IS that puddle amongst the crispy baked-on sh!t in the bottom of the oven of my new stove that you've left me to clean?
I am not a corporation or a conglomerate, simply a guy trying to get ahead. Why are you such scum? You are a renter and will always BE a renter because you are clueless. If you ever buy a house, you are the one whom will lose it to foreclosure. How do I know? Where do you think I got this house, you loser!
Sorry peeps, I feel a little better, but now I've got a lot of work to do during the holidays. What fun.
>I hate renters! Good God, I
>hate renters! Now this doesn't
>really apply to you peeps
>that rent apartments. This applys
>to those sorry a$$holes that
>rent MY rental house and
>treat it like the worthless
>jerks that they are.Hey now!! I tried to take care of the place.
>
>I am so tired of jerks
>(gender-indifferent here) who:
>
>1. Call me up at night
>and tell me they are
>breaking the lease
>and moving out the next
>day...or, have already moved! And
>have the nerve to ask,
>"Do you think I might
>get my deposit back?"
Well I needed the money to replace all of my pans.>2. Have small children who can't
>keep their goddamned cool-aid or
>applejuice or whatever off of
>the carpets. And then allow
>it to just remain there.
Hey that wasn't my fault! It was JV and Ebug's.(My all time favorite lmao thresd btw).>3. Idiots that don't clean the
>house up when they move...do
>you really think I want
>to clean your nasty-a$$ commode
>and bathtub up when you
>never did?We were trying to get mentioned on the poop website. Gimme a break!
>
>4. Drag their furniture across my
>refinished hardwood floors, scratching them
>beyond belief after telling me
>in our interview how much
>you love hardwood floors?
>Well I do love hardwood floors, they are so much fun to slide across. That's why we bought the sled!
>5. Have ex-spouses who come to
>MY rental house and tear
>out shrubs because they think
>they're getting back at you?Ok my uncles cousins brothers aunts dog was buried underneath the shrubs. My grandpappy found out about it and realized there was 'some damn good eats' just waitin to be found. End of story.
>
>
>6. Suddenly leave, taking only the
>neccessities and leaving all your
>junk for me to clean
>up and dispose of?I will have you know that the eight track player is worth some money if you can get the Achy Breaky Heart tape out of it.
>
>7. Dragging your washer and dryer
>over my brand-new kitchen floor
>tile and scraping the finish
>off of it?But we had sooo much fun with the spin cycle. I wish you coulda been there.
>
>8. Forgetting to call me to
>tell me that the kitchen
>sink is leaking until the
>floor is starting to sag,
>requiring major work (hence more
>new tile you a$$hole!)My kids were having too much fun playing in the water. It was a cheaper version of Schlitterbahn.
>
>9. Leaving God-only-knows-what kind of skanky
>crud in my brand new
>fridge that I put in
>right before you moved in?Oh don't worry that's just some of my breast milk that got spilled when we stored it. We didn't know how to clean it up and figured you would know best.
>
>10. Have ruined my countertops because
>you repeatedly put a flaming
>hot skillet or pot on
>top of them with no
>protection?Never been big on 'protection'. Hence the children..
>
>11. Snuck that fugging dog in
>AFTER signing a lease forbidding
>it, only to have little
>"precious" eat up my miniblinds
>and tear up half the
>kitchen tiles? (before new floor...whew,
>thannnnnnnk you! You MF!).
Wait til you see what the pony did in the bedroom closet or what the chickens did to the pantry. Boy are you gonna be pissed!!
>>12. Never fixed the leaning mailbox
>that your stupid boyfriend hit
>with the moving van?We were going with the slanted house theme. That's why we planted that oak tree right next to the porch. We also rehung all of your doors so they hang slightly and don't close all the way.
>
>13. Put up more nails in
>the walls than are even
>holding the joists together?
>We ran out of adhesive for the glow in the dark stars. What's a joist?
>14. Chipped paint off ALL wood
>trim...what were you doing, having
>midget-tossing contests?Actually yes. Shakes came over.
>>15. And what IS that puddle
>amongst the crispy baked-on sh!t
>in the bottom of the
>oven of my new stove
>that you've left me to
>clean?That would be chocolate covered grape nuts. How was I to know it would fall through the racks?
>
>I am not a corporation or
>a conglomerate, simply a guy
>trying to get ahead. Why
>are you such scum?
Speaking of scum you err.. haven't seen the shower yet have you??You
>are a renter and will
>always BE a renter because
>you are clueless.As long as all of my landlords are as great as you!! *anti-smooches*
>Sorry peeps, I feel a little
>better, but now I've got
>a lot of work to
>do during the holidays. What
>fun.
Sorry couldn't resist.Kismet
"Do you ever get down on your knee's and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?"
LMAO!!!! Kis, you are truly Satan's little helper. ALL of your replies were just sooooo funny!I imagine my previous renters must be from your clan...whooo hoooo!!
Sadly, its seems most people I rent to seem to actually think like your replies indicate *sighs*
But, life goes on....you've put a smile on my face today and I'll think about your evil ways while I'm painting this afternoon.
OMG!!!! This is TOO Damn funny!!!!!!!
Uhm, so when do I move in?
Visit my homepage: http://www.geocities.com/loudmouthlee/