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Original Message
"Moving Advice"
Posted by Coconut on 02-27-04 at 10:46 AM
Well, Luminou got a job offer this week which would mean moving to another city. For the life of us, we cannot decide whether or not this would be a good idea.

On the one hand, the job pays better than his present job and would help him develop different skills that would make him more marketable. The company offering the job is also more stable than his current company. However, it's a routine job, which means he would be bored inside two years. The new job would also be shift work instead of nine-to-five.

If we moved, I would have to start looking for work again. Right now (mainly due to a small talent pool, I admit), I'm the best non-permanent English teacher in the region. I can walk into any language school and most of the colleges and get a job. In the new city, I'd have to start from scratch at a time when I'd rather just work with half a brain and concentrate on my new family. I'm not sure I'm ready to stay home full time, especially without my own money.

Houses are twice as expensive down there. We'd have to give up this house, which we've spent three years renovating (and have almost finished) and move into a totally new home. That said, this house does have some serious design flaws, and we'd have the fun of putting a new place together. However, if I'm not working, will we be able to afford a reasonable house?

We'd be closer to his family. And we'd be closer to his family. If you know what I mean.

You may notice I'm leaning towards staying here. However, Luminou and I would both like to hear your thoughts on the matter. Help us decide, please!




Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by brvnkrz on 02-27-04 at 10:55 AM
I'm sorry, I don't know how old your kids are, but here is my input from experience. If the kids are under 10 years old, they will probably adapt easily enough, however if the kids are any older than that, keep in mind how they will adjust. I moved away from my home town when I was 11 years old and it wasn't until I was well into my 20's that I recovered. Alsokeep in mind the bored factor for the new job. There is nothing worse than picking up and moving and then 2 years down the line regretting it. However, I am a creature of comfort so that's just my opinion.
Plus there is the in law factor.
"Taking every opportunity..."
Posted by Coconut on 02-27-04 at 11:03 AM
We have one child, six weeks old today. Wanna see a pic?

Actually, I'm more worried about our five furry children, some of whom are used to going outside.


I agree about the moving and regretting it. We've always said we want to move before the baby starts school, and we knowthat we don't want to be in this city permanently. Another down point.


"RE: Taking every opportunity..."
Posted by brvnkrz on 02-27-04 at 11:08 AM
Well how cute are we? Put a smile on my face this morning.
I have to agree on the furry friends. I am stuck in my house for a while because kitties couldn't take the move.
"RE: Taking every opportunity..."
Posted by Schnookie Palookie on 02-27-04 at 11:31 AM



Oh yeah, I forgot to say ...
coochie coochie coo Dominou

He's just too adorable

"RE: Taking every opportunity..."
Posted by minitroll on 02-27-04 at 05:10 PM
Awwwwww, Dominou is getting so big! He is so adorable.

"I will take this opportunity..."
Posted by tig_ger on 02-27-04 at 05:33 PM
to say that Dom is tooooo cute. He is just so huggable.

About that other opportunity...will it move you closer to me?


A Kittyloaf Original

"RE: Taking every opportunity..."
Posted by Puffy on 03-01-04 at 03:01 AM
He's 6 weeks old already??!!??!! Time sure flies..so cute, very very cute.
"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by AugustGirl on 02-27-04 at 10:57 AM
The most important question you must ask yourself is:

Is there a Starbucks nearby? And is having a Starbucks nearby worth having his family nearby?


I'm not a very good advice giver. My pat answer is always go with your gut feeling. Good luck on the decision making. I know you two will make the right one, whatever it is.

"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by MTW1961 on 02-27-04 at 12:00 PM
Friends Don't Let Friends Buy Starbucks

(though I understand sometimes it's a best last resort)


Forever searching for the perfect "French Roast with a Shot"

"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by TechNoir on 02-27-04 at 10:59 AM
Two more things to think about. See if you can get a solid idea of expenses including housing in the new place. It may be that there would still be a substantial salary increase. Or, if they are high enough, it might represent a salary decrease.

Also what is the likelihood that he would find a similar or more desirable job elsewhere. Since he has been offered this opportunity, you might view it as evidence that he could find yet another more suitable job.


© J Slice, who rocks "Half of Tech's charm is that sometimes I have no idea what she's talking about" -- True

"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by Coconut on 02-27-04 at 11:07 AM
You've hit it. With the price of housing, and no job for me, we would be cutting our revenue in half. Also, our current house has an upstairs apartment that we rent; it pays 2/3 of our mortgage.

This same company has large mills in lots of other places.


I'm answering my own post. Which maybe is the point, eh?


"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by Schnookie Palookie on 02-27-04 at 11:16 AM



Yep, I think you just answered it there Coco. Cutting your revenue in half so that he gets new skills but ends up being bored and working shifts? Not very attractive.

We made a huge move when we left Quebec to come to Atlanta, but the advantages were numerous ... leaving Quebec and family


think of the kitties!!!

"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by probably clueless on 02-27-04 at 12:10 PM
I'l weigh in with Tech and Nookie on this.


A Kittyloaf®Original
*He ain't heavy, he's just clueless*


"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by frisky on 02-27-04 at 10:59 AM
I can almost read the answer in your post.

Pros: better pay, job stability, skills development

Cons: your heart is saying no (just my interpretation of your post)

I say go with your heart.

The thing that got me is the shift work. Shift worker couples that I know have completely different relationships. For some people, it works well because they don't get along. For the people who do get along, they miss each other's company.

Would he be working weekends? Weekends are really the only prime family time once the kids hit school, which is going to happen before you know it.

Can you go spend a weekend in the other city and just spend time there? Drive around neighbourhoods and look at the schools and the parks and the grocery stores and imagine yourselves living there and being happy there? Is being closer to family a good thing?


Card-carrying RBBRTFHLA/Sugar Ho Division
Non-Embezzling GAWKUR Treasurer

"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by Coconut on 02-27-04 at 11:37 AM

We know the city well and like it. We wouldn't be living in town; we'd try and find a house in the country.

And it's four days on, four days off. Eight days a month night shifts. We get along, so I'd think I'd miss him.



In-laws are a 50/50 split.


"RE: Shift Work"
Posted by MTW1961 on 02-27-04 at 12:07 PM
I started a business about 10 years ago that required my presence nights and weekends. With a young family it was a huge mistake that took years to recover from. The business finally folded - I couldn't concentrate on it fully AND be a Dad/Husband at the same time.

It almost cost me my marriage too. Be careful!



RBBRTFHLA/Sugar Ho Division/Gummi Candy Section - Marketing VP

"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by Tiggertramp on 02-27-04 at 11:00 AM
What does you gut say, when you cal yourself completely, get all the anxiety out, what does it REALLY say to you?

I know it is hard, fears crawl in with anxieties etc. Try to listen to your true inner voice, if that fails, eat a brownie.

"Two Words"
Posted by GrendelsMom on 02-27-04 at 11:53 AM
Thirty below.

Anyplace else has to be even a little warmer sometimes.

<==flashed by J_Loaf
Me? I'm moving on to a new level. One that has 4 digits.

"RE: Two Words"
Posted by Coconut on 02-27-04 at 11:54 AM

new city = same climate


congrats on 1000!


"RE: Two Words"
Posted by GrendelsMom on 02-27-04 at 12:05 PM
Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? Stay, then, because it's better to love your in-laws from a distance.

On the other hand, in-town in-laws make great emergency babysitters.

<==is wishy-washy today
Whew. I'm just glad I got there before you hit 6000. Otherwise, I'd have been embarrassed.

"RE: Two Words"
Posted by AugustGirl on 02-27-04 at 12:10 PM
Hiya Wishy-Washy.


*stalk*

"What's a Nutty Thread without"
Posted by GrendelsMom on 02-27-04 at 12:15 PM
*whack*

<==flashed by J_Loaf
Hi Auglet

"RE: What's a Nutty Thread without"
Posted by AugustGirl on 02-27-04 at 12:19 PM
*opens can of whupp-a$$*


Hi!

"You know,"
Posted by GrendelsMom on 02-27-04 at 12:24 PM
I've searched in several stores for the afore-mentioned cans of whupp-a$$ and can't find it anywhere. Where do you shop?

It's like scratch. People tell me about all the amazing things they make from it, and my grocery store doesn't carry any. Must be why I can't cook very well.

<==flashed by J_Loaf
"Don't take any course where they make you read Beowulf"--Alvy Singer (Woody Allen), Annie Hall

"RE: You know,"
Posted by AugustGirl on 02-27-04 at 01:43 PM
You just need to know where to look. Or who to know to look. Or something like that.


Let's just say it's a controlled substance, and leave it at that, ok?

And by the way, remind me to never eat any of your baked goods.

*stalk*

"RE: You know,"
Posted by GrendelsMom on 02-27-04 at 02:35 PM
It's not who you know, but who you look like you know.

Is that what you're trying to say?

<==flashed by J_Loaf
"Don't take any course where they make you read Beowulf"--Alvy Singer (Woody Allen), Annie Hall

"RE: You know,"
Posted by AugustGirl on 02-27-04 at 05:39 PM
What I trying to say is, it's not who you know, or who you think you know, or who you think knows you, it's who knows the people who think they know you.


huh?

"RE: What's a Nutty Thread without"
Posted by frisky on 02-27-04 at 12:47 PM


Card-carrying RBBRTFHLA/Sugar Ho Division
Non-Embezzling GAWKUR Treasurer

"*spew*"
Posted by GrendelsMom on 02-27-04 at 02:33 PM
that'll clear your hairballs

<==flashed by J_Loaf
"Don't take any course where they make you read Beowulf"--Alvy Singer (Woody Allen), Annie Hall

"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by Swami on 02-27-04 at 12:08 PM
What Tech said about balancing the salary increase against the cost of living in the new city.

Plus, you said he was 'offered' the job. Was he looking or was it a cold offer? Either way, it would be worth it to see what other opportunities may be out there for him that would be better locations for you.

I must admit, 4 days on, four days off sounds pretty nice to me in terms of family togetherness--it's way more than I have with my DH. These are 12 hour shifts?, so it's either day or night? Has Luminou ever worked alternating shifts? Because some people adjust easily & some become human zombies.

FWIW - Moving with a baby is a bit hectic but not traumatic. Moving with a toddler is way harder--on them & on you.
- It is nice to be within a few hours drive of family so you can fairly easily visit, be as involved as you want to be in each other's lives, and pitch in when there is an emergency. It is also nice to be far enough away that ILs don't just show up on your doorstep regularly/weekly/daily/whenever.


The King is dead. The Crown is tarnished. (Well, it's blurred anyway...)

"Wiggle room"
Posted by Tiggertramp on 02-27-04 at 12:42 PM
If it's an offer, how good is it?? Is there wiggle room?? Negotiate negotiate negotiate. Tell them you need moving costs, need more vacation, need more time up front for moving, (and adjustment due to baby and wife having to leave place she loves too).

World is YOUR oyster baby. You really have the power here. If they want him, you have wiggle room. Take a look at the toen, and prices of real estate, and your job market in the area, and day cares, and their prices, schools, crime, taxes, development. research research research.

This could be the beginning of something great for you all, or not. You just had an offer. Bow the work looking into that offer has to start. You have leverage, remember that. And no matter what remember that what you have now is great.

That brownie is lookin pretty good huh?

Hang in there sweetie!

"RE: Moving Advice"
Posted by Chrissy gal on 02-27-04 at 12:58 PM
Story time!!

When my oldest son was 18 months old and I was VERY pregnant with our second child, it became apparent that he was not seeing enough of his father. He would look for his dad during the day and be too tired at night to spend enough time with his dad to satisfy his need.

We decided that my husband should move to a job on swing shift so he would have more time with our son when the second child arrived. It was the BEST decision we could have made. My husband is very close to our sons because he had a lot of bonding time during their early years.

However (and there is always one of those), he moved back to day shift when our kids started school. My husband was fortunate enough to be able to find a day shift job when he wanted one, but things don't always work out that well.

Now for my advice - Remember that your baby's childhood is very short and he needs both of you to be there for him as much as possible. Choose something that allows for a good work-life balance!

"My two cents"
Posted by kiki_k on 02-27-04 at 05:41 PM
Big changes are always scary and people, by nature, are more comfortable with the familiar. So, you need to determine if your wanting to stay put is about staying "with the familiar" -- if so, you should go for the change. To me, the two big things I see here are: this job would make him more marketable. The company offering the job is also more stable than his current company. And remember, he wouldn't have to stay in this job forever -- when the "two year rut" sets in, he can move on. Also, with your qualifications, I really don't predict a difficult time for you getting new employment. Finally, even though I know exactly what you mean by you'll be "closer to his family," don't under-estimate the advantages that can spell now that you have a baby -- and I don't mean babysitting. It is important, imo, for kids to have a sense of a lot of "family" around them and to build on those relationships.
Anyway, whatever your decision, good luck!


compliments of GeorgiaBelle

All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way