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Original Message
"Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by geminirose on 05-23-06 at 03:13 PM
Did Jill ever explain why she chose not to contact her mom on Christmas? I know she spent the holiday with her dad, but why did she not speak to her mom?
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Messages in this discussion
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by Redbud on 05-23-06 at 03:58 PM
Well, I guess for all the work that Jill did in her 4 months at SOH what she learned was how to disrespect her mother on Christmas. Shame on you Jill...how hard was it to send your Mom a christmas card??? Seriously....
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by jonimoni on 05-23-06 at 04:28 PM
I realize that we do not know all that has gone on in the past between Jill and her mom, but, there is NO excuse to let Christmas go past without as little as a phone call. If Jill had really learned anything in her looooonnnnggg stay in the house she would have behaved as an adult and made some effort to contact her mother for the holiday.....sheesh!
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by mirage3033 on 05-23-06 at 04:29 PM
She ignored her Mom at Christmas, the mom who lost her housing due to a hurricane this year, the mom who spilled her guts on national tv, the mom that was castigated because she did not educate her daughter about jills sperm donor, the mom who;s beloved husband that helped raise jill was murdered and not even mentioned and all the other sh*tty things that jill does to her mother because..........she felt like it. isn't that what she said? jill has the emotional maturity of a gnat.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by Redbud on 05-23-06 at 04:34 PM
There's a fine line between taking care of oneself and being selfish. Jill has serious problems if she can't see fit to get to know her sperm donor while KEEPING a relationship with her mother. I don't blame the mother for her hard feelings....where was the father while Jill's mother was busy raising her?? Yes, that's right let's ignore Mom so we can bond with the one who dumped you....is that what she learned in SOH?
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by mirage3033 on 05-23-06 at 04:37 PM
according to the giant lizard yes. Iguana is the one that pushed Jill in contacting the sperm donor. I would not be surprised if the producers did not promote that story line and contacted Leonard just for a big teary moment. I did not like the fact the Iggy had to "MEDIATE" the phone call. Is this the first time Jill has spoken to her mother since Christmas??
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by Redbud on 05-23-06 at 04:46 PM
I thought that was odd also. After 4 months in the SOH and countless hours of "therapy" Jill can't see her way clear to calling her mother? She needed IV? How is Jill going to survive outside the house?
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by SOfan0221 on 05-23-06 at 05:57 PM
I don't think she is going to survive outside the house. How hard is it to call your mom and say, you know mom I made a mistake and I am sorry that I didn't send you at the very least a card on Christmas. You don't need a life coach to do the decent thing......that is why the Good Lord gave you a conscience. If you bother listening to it, it will serve you well. But then again, she didn't listen when she was shoplifting so there you go. Let's run to SO everytime a conflama erupts in her life. I liked one of the other posters who said she had the sense of a gnat. lol too funny.

If you want to bond with daddy, so be it but don't disrespect your mother in your need to be coddled, babied, pitied or whatever the emotion is your going for.

Jill needs to cluctch her pearls a little tighter and choke some sense into herself.

"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by Ujena on 05-24-06 at 03:12 PM
I must have missed this part of the show, it has been hit and miss for me this week. The only thing that I can think of after watching this show this year is that Jill is trying to pull away from her mother. I believe Jill talked alot about her mother leaning on her emotionally and I think financially.

No question about it, not contacting her on Christmas is shocking and sad. Keep in mind though, Jill is starting out with her father about the emotional age she was when he walked out. Oddly enough, she is an infant emotionally, in her dealings with him and she is now able to obsorb all she missed out on as a child. I believe, in time, healings will happen all around and there will be a time when Jill's dad will talk to her mother and explain and apologize.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by beckettrep on 05-24-06 at 07:30 PM
>She ignored her Mom at Christmas,
> the mom who lost
>her housing due to a
>hurricane this year,
>the mom who spilled her
>guts on national tv,
>the mom that was castigated
>because she did not educate
>her daughter about jills sperm
>donor, the mom who;s
>beloved husband that helped raise
>jill was murdered and not
>even mentioned and all the
>other sh*tty things that jill
>does to her mother
>because..........she felt like it.
> isn't that what she
>said? jill
>has the emotional maturity of
>a gnat.


The emotional maturity of a gnat?????? LOL.........Well said!! and I couldn't agree more.

"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by MizJazmine on 05-23-06 at 04:47 PM
I was thinking that it was probably something Jill and her mom didn't do (sending Christmas cards) because they lived together all those years BUT Jill could have called her. It was wrong for her to (what it looks like) cut her mom out to put her dad in! That's just silly and immature.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by alaholly on 05-23-06 at 05:05 PM
Apparently she didn't learn much during her stay at Starting Over. Sad.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by Shazbot on 05-23-06 at 05:25 PM
I agree wholeheartedly with the comments in this thread. How hard could it have been to send a card, a gift... make a phonecall, whatever. In fact I would even go so far as to suggest that out of respect for her mother, perhaps Jill should've picked another time in the year to spend with her father. Sorry Jill, but your mother was there... your father wasn't, whether you like it or not.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by geminirose on 05-23-06 at 05:31 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-23-06 AT 06:13 PM (EST)

>Apparently she didn't learn much during
>her stay at Starting Over.
> Sad.


she learned how to get her radio career back on track. if she wasnt on SO would she really have been able to afford to put her demo tape together? would the people she interviewed with really have interviewed her if the SO cameras weren't there?

i was just so surprised that jill could be so ignorant that she didnt realize (until IV pointed it out) that not calling her mom on christmas was cruel and hurtful. how selfish is she?!

i'm assuming that her mom was still uncomfortable with jill contacting her dad, and she was probably still upset that jill moved out (remember that her fear was dying alone), so where was jill's COMPASSION (the word they love to throw around in the house) for her mom?

she could have at least sent a card if she didnt want to speak.

"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by southern sam on 05-23-06 at 05:32 PM
I could NOT believe JILL... unreal to forget you mother on Christmas their is NO excuse..... NONE. All the years Jill mother raised her and kick in the teeth..... just the sperm donar. I cried for Jill mother. I am so sorry for you (Mother) to have such a unloving child and all you did for her. You do not deserve this so sorry. Jill colors are not nice just for her self, and selfish. Up to this point I liked Jill not anymore. Jill GROW UP before you grow OLD... Mother go on with your life and take this as what Jill really is as person. SO SORRY
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by young_black_sista06 on 05-23-06 at 06:10 PM
My heart broke for Jill's mother! I had a lot of respect for Jill up until that moment. How do you just casually forget about the person who was there for you when your "father" was off building a family of his own (important fact: that never consisted of you)? I understand the feeling that Jill's mother was feeling, because I think that any normal person would feel that way if their child did that to them. When Jill was first explaining that whole situation, I felt that she tried to portray her mother as the "bad guy." Now that I see the REAL picture, Jill is the real bad guy in this story. JMO
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by MovinOnUp on 05-23-06 at 07:52 PM
Jill did not send her mother a christmas card. Other than Jill, no one knows what the reason for that is...personally, I think it was an oversight based on being in new territory (first time they haven't spent Christmas together).

This, however, does not mean that she didn't call her mother or that she hadn't talked to her since then. IMO there is a difference between messing up and overlooking what might be considered common courtesy and "ignoring" her mother.

Remember that just because you didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen. The conversation with her mother today was a) much longer than what you saw and b) one of MANY conversations along the path to improving her relationship with her mother. There were many more acknowledgments and levels of ownership from Jill that for whatever reason did not make the show.

Yes I know Jill. Say what you will about her I can tell you that she has worked very hard at strengthening the relationship with both her mother and her father. I can not imagine trying to balance those relationships at this stage in her life...how do you build a relationship with a man you never thought you'd know? How do you do this without your mother feeling abandoned and betrayed? And how do you negotiate all of this while trying to grow your newfound "self-hood." Probably most significant is how do you wrap your brain around being a daughter with a present father when you've never had that experience?

Has she had some mis-steps? Yes. Will there be more? Probably. I, for one, think it takes courage to explore these things period...much less without the world watching.

All of this to say, bash her if you must for her inconsideration, oversight or whatever, but know the facts. She didn't send a christmas card. Everything else is speculation, rumor and untrue.

"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by geminirose on 05-23-06 at 08:32 PM
LAST EDITED ON 05-23-06 AT 08:35 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 05-23-06 AT 08:33 PM (EST)

you say that you're a friend of jill's and you know that she did not send her mother a card. on today's show, IV said that jill had NOT called her mother either (correct me if i'm wrong, guys)-- which was why IV was there to mediate a call between daughter and mother to discuss the matter.

so she didnt send a card or call her mom on christmas. maybe a way her mom wouldnt feel abandoned or betrayed by jill's decision to build a relationship with her father is if she acknowledged her occasions such as christmas.

"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by BlueCollar Blonde on 05-23-06 at 08:35 PM
>Jill did not send her mother
>a christmas card. Other
>than Jill, no one knows
>what the reason for that
>is...personally, I think it was
>an oversight based on being
>in new territory (first time
>they haven't spent Christmas together).
>
>
>This, however, does not mean that
>she didn't call her mother
>or that she hadn't talked
>to her since then.
>IMO there is a difference
>between messing up and overlooking
>what might be considered common
>courtesy and "ignoring" her mother.
>
>
>Remember that just because you didn't
>see it doesn't mean it
>didn't happen. The conversation
>with her mother today was
>a) much longer than what
>you saw and b) one
>of MANY conversations along the
>path to improving her relationship
>with her mother. There
>were many more acknowledgments and
>levels of ownership from Jill
>that for whatever reason did
>not make the show.
>
>Yes I know Jill. Say what
>you will about her I
>can tell you that she
>has worked very hard at
>strengthening the relationship with both
>her mother and her father.
> I can not imagine
>trying to balance those relationships
>at this stage in her
>life...how do you build a
>relationship with a man you
>never thought you'd know?
>How do you do this
>without your mother feeling abandoned
>and betrayed? And how
>do you negotiate all of
>this while trying to grow
>your newfound "self-hood." Probably
>most significant is how do
>you wrap your brain around
>being a daughter with a
>present father when you've never
>had that experience?
>
>Has she had some mis-steps?
>Yes. Will there be
>more? Probably. I,
>for one, think it takes
>courage to explore these things
>period...much less without the world
>watching.
>
>All of this to say, bash
>her if you must for
>her inconsideration, oversight or whatever,
>but know the facts.
>She didn't send a christmas
>card. Everything else is
>speculation, rumor and untrue.


And herein lies the problem with what the show has digressed to. The "editing" and some of the statements made made it clear to the viewers that Jill did not a) send her Mom an xmas card, b) did not call her on xmas, and c) I swear IV said that Jill had not even spoken with her Mother since before xmas, hence IV arbitrating their phone call.

I mean honestly, there was no other conclusion for the viewers to come to so if your information is correct, it is just plain wrong and totally misleading for the producers of SO to present the story otherwise.

You know perhaps the real "project" they should all conglomerate on is after their vow of silence contracts have ended, publish a "Behind the Scenes: The Real Stories of Starting Over".

"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by Redbud on 05-24-06 at 12:36 PM
Thanks for an interesting post. However, in my personal opinion there is NO excuse for not sending her mother a Christmas card at Christmas time, unless the holiday is something they don't celebrate. I don't buy the "well she relocated to a new teritory" excuse either. I simply cannot be convinced that a woman with only a part-time job did not have time nor presence of mind to send her mother, the first Christmas they are separated, a card. What I can believe is that Jill had some issue with her mother, and was being passive agressive in dealing with it.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by tac_2 on 05-24-06 at 02:17 PM
>
>Has she had some mis-steps?
>Yes. Will there be
>more? Probably.



I've been forgiving Jill's 'mis--steps' throughout her entire SO experience because I felt her intentions and motives were, for the most part, genuine. However, I see now that until Jill escapes from Iyanla's grip and influence my support is in vain.

Jill's mother was there for her during the good, bad, and ugly and by Jill's own admission remained her most ardent supporter and when her mother appeared on the show it wasn't hard to see they had a warm and close connection.

It was chilling to me when Iyanla first started pressuring Jill to track down her father - I knew what was coming and I knew that whack job wasn't going to let up until she forced the reunion. Had to be he!! on Jill's mother who, by that time, probably clued in to just how influential Iyanla had become in Jill's life. From my point of view and as a mother, I know I would be very scared for my child, grown or not.

So, it came down to Jill choosing her father over her mother at Christmas. It's already been said but hear my echo: WRONG


You know, as a daughter of a 'father' who was absent for over three decades I can understand the conflicting feelings Jill has had and can forgive her confusion as to how deal with her sudden discovery of this man. However, that her mother, whom raised and nurtured her being ignored at any time, just has to be about the most undeserved painful blow Jill could deliver.

Jill better get straight with reality and do it fast. Unlike the rest of her housemates, a few who apparently can afford to be delusional (at least temporarily), I don't see Jill as having that luxury.
I wish her the best but by that I mean within the bounds of reality, not under a trance of some New Age 'priestess' who evidently Jill worships more than her own mother.


"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by maryellennaco on 05-23-06 at 09:31 PM
Because she's a fart! No, really - she just is soo into herself obviously and her "tools" were put waayyyyyy in the back of the toolshed. What a skanky thing to do to the woman who gave birth to you IMHO
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by JustBNMe on 05-23-06 at 09:32 PM
Jill can't do 2 things at one time. It takes effort and energy which she can't do becuase she is such a fat a$$. Plus maybe her mom didn't join her fan club and thus she didn't get the engraved Christmas cardRemember Jill is a big star on tv and in radio now. Gag
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by Katie1985 on 05-23-06 at 10:58 PM
My heart broke for her mother as well. I try not to talk bad about anyone-even on tv, because I don't know these people and don't know what's cut out, but IV clearly stated that Jill did not send her mother a Christmas card. How cruel can a person be? Her mother, who is so afraid of being alone, spent her first Christmas without her without so much as a phone call? I don't know what kind of thought process a person could have to logically think that is okay???? I seriously hope that I missed a big part of the conversation and that Jill really wasn't that horrible to her mom.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by origsofan on 05-23-06 at 11:46 PM
All I know is Jill's mom raised her and loved her unconditionally for many years. Jill's "father" abandoned Jill and her mother. He's just a selfish PR..K. He couldn't even see Jill without his wife holding his hand with his grown kids in tow. If I were Jill I'd spit on him and treat my mom with all the more respect she deserves.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by origsofan on 05-23-06 at 11:48 PM
P.S. All Jill's father contributed to her was the fat genes. His two sons are heavy and Jill's mom was slim.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by snowflake2 on 05-24-06 at 00:01 AM
LAST EDITED ON 05-24-06 AT 00:19 AM (EST)

Jill must have been too busy to send her mom a Christmas card...too busy informing the State of California where to send her public assistance checks. Or maybe coming up with that absolute gutbuster of a line, "I won't eat a cupcake...but I will eat her 2nd cousin, a donut." <<eyeroll>> Yeah, Jill, and by the looks of you, also:

-her daddy the layer cake
-her mother the ho-ho
-her sister the twinkie
-her brothers, cheesecake and banana cream pie
-her grandma the cookie
-her grandaddy the fried dough

Jill mentioned her Dad has a pretty nice, big house...guess now that her mom lost all her $$$ sinking it into Jill's Failed Fat Suit business, Jill's gonna sniff around to see if she can sponge off her Dad.


Edited because I typed "butguster" instead of "gutbuster".


"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by SeasonedRefinement on 05-24-06 at 03:16 AM
And the fans continue to dwindle.

Strike two...

Like them or not, Rhonda and Iyanla are two legitimate television personalities who have talent management and publicists working in their behalf. Even if we have no intention of ever watching them again, most of us have wondered where their next career steps might lead them.

Jill, on the other hand, is a HG. As such, she has not been able to secure that type of serious representation. So, she substitutes reality show reappearances and blog entries for real publicity and career management. The result? Well, here it is: most posters are bashing Jill for snubbing her mother at Christmas. Even a post from someone who claims to know Jill isn't turning the tide.

I don't think it's working, but don't sweat it Jill. I have a feeling that come June, you won't have to deal with the stress of message boards or their miserable members...ever again.


"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by bikbruz on 05-24-06 at 02:04 AM
I think that no matter how much love between mother and daughter, with major life changes there are growing pains. I truly believe that, however wrong, Jill was plain 'ol afraid to hear the disappointment and lonliness in her mom's voice when she called home. She probably delayed and delayed, until she was too ashamed even to call.
Personal experience? Yep- I've got plenty. I'm an only daughter of an aging mother, and the hurt and martyrdom she conveys every time I make an independant, forward moving decision makes me feel so guilty I can't face talking to her. Then I'm so mad at myself for not facing her and being the bigger person, that I just avoid her. It's a downward spiral, and I'm working on growing up(thirty-two years old yesterday, maybe I'll grow up someday, LOL)
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by butterfly34 on 05-24-06 at 03:01 PM
> I
>think that no matter how
>much love between mother and
>daughter, with major life changes
>there are growing pains.
>I truly believe that, however
>wrong, Jill was plain 'ol
>afraid to hear the disappointment
>and lonliness in her mom's
>voice when she called home.
> She probably delayed and
>delayed, until she was too
>ashamed even to call.
> Personal
>experience? Yep- I've got plenty.
>I'm an only daughter of
>an aging mother, and the
>hurt and martyrdom she conveys
>every time I make an
>independant, forward moving decision makes
>me feel so guilty I
>can't face talking to her.
> Then I'm so mad
>at myself for not facing
>her and being the bigger
>person, that I just avoid
>her. It's a downward
>spiral, and I'm working on
>growing up(thirty-two years old yesterday,
>maybe I'll grow up someday,
>LOL)

I agree I think that Jill just was afraid to call. Then too much time passed by and she was ashamed. I don't think she is a heartless #####. She being human and made a mistake. The good news is that she said she was sorry and her mother forgave her.

"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by dopeydwarf on 05-24-06 at 04:55 PM

I don't think she is heartless either. I had a christmas where my son didn't call, but he called the next day--that day they had been on the tail end of a cruise, and he told me hewas coming up to my area in a few days. That made me happier--he and his wife work their own business, and just got away for a few days. We had Christmas then.

____________________________________________________________________________

I'd rather be at Disneyworld

"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by MizJazmine on 05-24-06 at 04:05 PM
What you described is what I was initially thinking happened, but I still think it was silly and immature on Jill's part.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by eire_heart74 on 05-24-06 at 07:33 AM
I was shocked when she said that! After all, didn't her mom come to the house and help support her in this process? Having an honest conversation about how they were going to stop blaming each other and start helping each other? She couldn't even send a card? WTF?

Her mom's feelings towards the father are completely justified and Jill needs to own that. Her mom also has to own the fact that Jill wants to find out more about dad as well. But for it to lead them to not talking even at a holiday, that's just a shame.

"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by Shazbot on 05-24-06 at 12:31 PM
"Personal experience? Yep- I've got plenty. I'm an only daughter of an aging mother, and the hurt and martyrdom she conveys every time I make an independant, forward moving decision makes me feel so guilty I can't face talking to her. Then I'm so mad at myself for not facing her and being the bigger person, that I just avoid her. It's a downward spiral, and I'm working on growing up(thirty-two years old yesterday, maybe I'll grow up someday, LOL)"

---------------------------------------------------------------
Bikbruz - I have the same problem with my mother... and I too am an only daughter (only child)... and my mother has never re-married. I have a hard time with it. I have used the exact same words - everytime I do something INDEPENDENT, FORWARD MOVING... It's as if I'm commiting a crime. But I'm realizing the biggest problem is in my head - which I'm working on. The advice I can give to you (I'm a little older) is to act like you care even if you don't... it just makes things go so much easier. Then - specific duty over - get back to what you like doing in life... at least that's my strategy!
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by bikbruz on 05-24-06 at 06:30 PM
Thanks Shaz, it's nice to know there are others in the same boat. While I KNOW my mother wants the best for me, I always get the feeling that 'the best' is what she wants for me, not what would make me happiest. Our relationship swings from comfortable to strained, and I guess I'm learning to avoid the subjects that strain it.
"RE: Jill Ignoring her Mom on Christmas..."
Posted by Shazbot on 05-25-06 at 01:09 AM
>Thanks Shaz, it's nice to know
>there are others in the
>same boat. While I
>KNOW my mother wants the
>best for me, I always
>get the feeling that 'the
>best' is what she wants
>for me, not what would
>make me happiest. Our
>relationship swings from comfortable to
>strained, and I guess I'm
>learning to avoid the subjects
>that strain it.

I think the distinction between 'the best' and 'happiest' is well put. And you're aware of it, so that's a big advantage. I believe my mother wanted to take me down so to speak and looked for ways to get under my skin... but she didn't know what worked when I ignored it. Ignoring it is hard but it works, eventually. I think space between us was a good idea too. I realize though that lately I've been trying to sort this out on a whole new level, in terms of the effect the whole relationship has had on me. I just know that fighting causes a whole lot more work, and some things will just never change. Well the best of luck to you Bikbruz.