Antonia's questions to Cassie were good for Cassie to think about, but her tone, manner, some word choice and body language were completely out of line. She still thinks her reaction to Cassie has anything to do with Cassie and Eric. It is so about Antonia and her father. The more important factor is that Antonia is that she likely spends to prove her worth to herself that she lost track of because of abandonment. She didn't look at bills when they came in the mail likely because she thought she deserved whatever the charges were for, so if she could not pay for it, it didn't matter. When her worth comes from within rather than without, it will be much easier for her to control her spending and stay out of debt.

My purpose for this post however, is that Cassie's reaction in the face of Antonia's onslaught was the definition of grace to me. She took responsibility for what had happened and would happen between she and her son, but did not attack back as Antonia deserved. Putting a child up for adoption can be the most courageous and loving thing a person does. Antonia says she should have gotten herself together for her son. It seems that Cassie had nearly no support system at the time she became pregnant. Climbing out of addiction is difficult and heart wrenching, and backsliding is pretty much a give. So, Cassie was supposed to put a small child through that process? No. For her, adoption was the best choice at the time. I have really come to understand from watching Starting Over that self confidence and standing in my own self worth means that I don't have to attack back when someone is mean to me. I can just take responsibility for what is my part in the interaction, and let the rest fall on deaf ears and dissipate. Cassie stayed calm and caring, without crying or taking on Antonia's issues.

Another post-er said that Cassie needs to be prepared for resentment from her son. It seems to me that she is ready to be rejected by every person she meets. What she needs to be ready for is to retain her self worth even if he says she is truly deeply evil. She needs to know who she is to matter what anyone else says.

That's my opinion, anyhow