Soft Kitty is for when you're sick.

This show certainly isn't making me feel well.

I'm not quite production assistant knocking on the door sick...

About the DreamGirlz... see this post in the Premiere thresd.

3 year old with a cold

Local Legend, Gloria Estafan comes to wish them luck.

Kaitlin Curtis Junior in High School, 16. Firework, piano version. Sound Board Cue in. Holy Vibrato.

Nicole I think there is room to grow. Simon says that is not good news from Nicole. Be in a group where you don't have to rely on a fantastic vocal. Simon, No. Nicole, just need somoene more ready, no. Paula says you have promise, don't break down. Paula goes to give her a hug.

This Ain't a Fairytale music to play her off.

Begging production that this is the worst session.

Nick Voss, 21. 7 people in a 3 bedroom house. They are concerned the talent isn't coming in. Simon wondering why they came here.

Dramatic music, heart beat and off to break.

Except that Simon has enough power to set up the performance schedule and may have deliberately set up a parade of incompetence to make the next Chosen One look that much better -- assuming anyone in the audience lives through the trampling feet. They're trying to make it look like Puerto Rico all over again -- but who's the one pushing the similarity?

This setup was a mistake. And even on a night when they need every viewer they can get, it still won't be a fatal one -- but they're bleeding Nielsens, and the wound won't seal.

Audition after the break.

He has been doing this since he was 5, I can't take the Vanilla Ice redux. Scary that he was dancing instead of directing traffic. Trouble by Elvis Presley.

Another sound board cue. and there why is the crowd going nuts, this is not good, but he is energetic.

LA-purely singing, not have great things to say, entertainment business, really brought it, got me excited. He is impressed. Nicole, confused at first, she ended up digging him. Paula, says keep being unique, but lose the Michael Jackson moves. If you can translate this to working harder on your vocals. Nick, loves him (probably because he'll bring the Jedward type of spectacle) this is something you really want.

Vote...4 yeses.

The sliced eyebrow is mildly hypnotic.

This is what we waited a quarter of the show for? Tell me he'd survive the runway stroll at an AI final cut. In fact, tell me he'd get past the gah-roups. Some amount of talent, but not superstar material and any recording is going to demand enough autotune to mask whatever they started with.

Maybe Miami really was that bad?

Ye gads, a whole half an hour gone and a few hundred words in a recap draft that really should be edited to just a few.

14 year old. She goes Ghost Hunting. She says she is different and that is what they are looking for (different like every other 14 year old Goth wannabe)

Simon says do you seriously see ghosts, and wants to hear only about Ashley's ghosts, not Paulers hallucinations. Paula sees ghosts too.

Simon would love for her to bring the ghosts with her.

LA fascinated by you, but the singing was the least of them. It is a pass.

Weird sound effects. Ghostbusters theme, and left an eerie imprint.

And a weird lights out thing happens.

Kevin Martin, channeling the Bee Gees,

More technical problems.

Marivana Viscuso, Summertime. Very Witchy costume. Simon says when I hear you I think of Wolves Mating she says it is the full moon, and she gets through. It was possessed but I loved it.

Because this show won't pay retail for anything. How many other shows have used this bit? How many did it work for? Whatever that number is, don't add one.

This is starting to move beyond sad and into that vast graveyard known as 'So what else is on?' And I'm just talking about the auditioners. The ghosts have the right idea: the sooner this place gets cleared, the better.

And if the ghosts happened to be one production idiot with his hand on a light switch? Take the hint anyway.

Loved the Summertime. Would have liked to hear the whole thing.

Good voice, but that blue flame coming out of her head is going to be a nightmare to work past building codes.

Like I would miss something???

You may have missed TCO, or at least TCOToMakeFinalFour. Simon loves her. The audience loves her. Reid feels she vindicates everything he in no way actually gave up. And I? Am already so tired of this show's audition structure that she'd have to go all over again for an audience of one to have a chance of getting my theoretical vote.

It's not her fault in any way. It's just that the editing on this show is going to wind up appearing on a turnoff list. In capitals.

So if you were one of the singers who got through who wasn't the Bridge Segment or the Hour Finale, wouldn't you be a little annoyed by your treatment? Forty minutes of failures (possibly including judge intros), eight of commercials, ten for those two, and then all of you put together got whatever was left over. Cannon fodder has seldom been so tightly packed into the barrel.

One hour later, I forgot who passed. In fact, I forgot if anybody passed.

Wonder how many times that one spaghetti-strap shaker will show up there.

4 girls actually pretty good.

They get all yesses, maybe the auditions have turned a corner.

Kendra Williams. Yep cornered turned, for the moment. All Yeses

Up beat background music.

Nicole wants Brendan O'hara. All Yeses, Simon says he could sell a ton of records.

Jeremiah Pagan, Male Soprano. Upper register a bit weak. Gets good crowd response. 4 yeses.

Friends and family support montage.

Melanie Amarro, College Freshman. 18. Listen by Beyonce. Audience on it's feet. She is pretty good. Standing O from the judges. Family is excited. LA Reid You have the gift, the soul, the swagger, the X factor. Nicole, this is why I do this. Paula. Have a unique ability, I don't think it is like anything I have ever heard in any audition. Simon. When I was asked why bringing show to America, hope we'd find someone like you. Everything I walked away from, you made it worthwhile. Made a believer out of Nicole, The Brightest Gift, Simon gets the whole crowd to give her the 4th yes.

Blown away by Melanie. Great stuff.

I wouldn't send him out in public for a while.

'Say, Jonny! The FOX network just destroyed your entire life! What are you going to do next?'

'I'm going to have every bully in town beat the carp out of me.'

*sigh* Poor kid. Exploited for five seconds of no-laughs followed by five years of recovery. And the show doesn't care about the later.

I can only wonder how much time he spends looking at his hair in the mirror.

Blistering Temps. Fast forwarding the crow shots.

First Act, Jonny Rogers, 17 years old. Spends a lot of time on his Justin Beiber hair, but he had it first. God they are letting him talk on and on, I hate him already. Barbie's Boyfriend, Ken not Justin Beiber. He is jealous of the Beibs.

Original song. Dances a lot at the begining, or what passes for dancing. Weird voice. Nicole shocked at the fake fall over at the end. LA liked the energy, you are entertaining. Nicole, loved the choreography. Paula loves surprises. Like a factory in China and given an order to make 10,000 Justin Beiber dolls but it kind of went wrong in production, wasn't quite right. No, No, Not right for this competition, Keep the enthusiasm up.

LAST EDITED ON 09-22-11 AT 09:20 PM (EST)

"I sold my truck to get here."

"I used my rent money to get here."

X-Factor: creating unemployed homeless stranded delusional people since 2011.

Nicole picked up the y'all and gone very Southern.

More than just your typical country boy Dylan from the boondocks and seems to be filling the stereotype completely but trying to wear the hat sidewise to seem street. Sold his truck to get to the audition.

What the frick is this? Is that supposed to be rap? Lying like he is dead on the floor. He lost the sponge.

Paula stuck on the sponge.

Paula stuck on the sponge.

I will never forgive you for this.

GACK!!!

LA Reid, why are you shouting at me?

Comical Music

Michael and Michelle, Michael is the least muscular personal trainer I have ever seen.

Kill Me Now.

Simon. Uncomfortable Nightmare.

More comical music.

Curtis Lawson friends call him Pheonix, dances with fire. He has a dream catcher on his waist band. Nicole being sent to the naughty step.

What is that. Paula scared and confused. Nicole feels a little violated. Simon wants him to sing in Human.

Strange day in Dallas.

I think I've figured out the pattern. AI presents the impression of flawed small gems in a field of mud. This show is going for gold coins in a swamp of sewage. They may be worth something -- but is it worth getting that dirty?

Oh, and the last audition will be a go-through that's supposed to make everything that went before worthwhile. It won't.

And, in retrospect, didn't.

Dexter Haygood 49. In platform heels. Had an album with the band he was in. Toured with Hall and Oates. Lost his ring.

Sexy Machine by James Brown. Simon knows what is coming.

Simon says a tribute act. Simon wants to hear him sing something else. 15 second a capella....dramatic music, and off to break.

Oh we get the sob story.

This is a man's World. Audience loved it. Simon says that is what is called Taking Your Moment. Audience is rooting for him. LA going out on a limb for you and says yes. Nicole, one of the funkiest cats, I have to say yes. Paula, I need you if you come back to come not like James Brown I want to know who Dexter is, then I am going to say yes. Simon says this is why we have an audience. Treated the first part as a bit of a joke, I don't know what is happened in your life and you can sing and you have soul, you have 4 yeses.

Well, he can strut and he can yell. I'll know if he can sing if he ever attempts it.

I know nothing about the man or his career, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what went wrong.

Something typical of a VH1 Behind the Music show?

Montage of people who made it.

They are making them talk in a white storage pod?

Next act desparate. Rugby Coach. Caitlin Cooke. Stop In The Name Of Love. Slowed Down Version.

LA Reid, that was really special. I like you a lot. Nicole an honor to work with you. Paula, great individual authentic voice. Simon, you almost lost control then controlled it and did something I've never heard before. All Yeses.

They are making them talk in a white storage pod?

They have to live somewhere until the next round starts.

Oh dear gawds, Cook's Law just kicked in. (But it's hard to risk telling a rugby player no...)

And now, the supposed showstopper, which I will appreciate only because at the end of it, they'll stop the show. Honestly: why are we watching this? There are other means of self-torture available and some of them come with snacks.

"They didn't just lower the bar, they burned it."

Like a band of zealous Prohibitionists.

Xander Alexander doesn't want to be limited to $5 million. His idols are before they "lost it".

Very picky about being called Xander. Might have a small bit of an ego.

Simon wants his real name and calls him Alexander. LA Reid trying to figure out what he's wearing.

I'll Be by Edwin McCain. No he hasn't performed in public but knows what his act would look like. Called Simon Simone.

Asks for a Mic Stand. He made me nervous. Paula says just sing.

Simon stops him and says the song is not working. Really nervous, starts another song.

He swears he can do it. LA Reid, Vocally not so much. Very entertaining. Simon says I quite like you. Lippy, Gobby, but interesting. I'd like to hear you without nerves. With a full production could be potentially good even though that wasn't a great audition. He is Paula's hero. Nicole asks if this means a lot to him.

Simon says to move it along.

LA-No, Nicole-Yes, Paula-No, Simon-You need three yeses. Where you blew this is the audience hated you by the end. The minute anyone criticizes you, you turn into a bitchy diva, it is over.

Cue. Too Late to Apologize.

So I was wrong: they closed on a failure. I wish Vols was here. He could say 'Girl needs to dial it back' and get away with it.

The only thing I got from the whole routine: it's majority vote. I had been expecting that Simon would have the power to break all ties, and it sounded like he was leaning towards letting Xander through. And I'm surprised Simon let that kind of power get away from him.

Total fail. Even by AI standards.

Whoever produced these two hours should be fired. And even then, it's too late.

Paula and Simon fight.

There's going to be a next week?

*snort*

Has any show ever foreshadowed that it was going to be cancelled by the end of the week in their editing of the next time on thingy?

TVTropes has a few announcing their cancellation on-air, but I'm not sure anyone's ever said 'Next week: an emergency airtime filler!' Twelve million is too high a number to pull the plug on anyway -- if they maintain that rating, FOX will keep them around because nothing they could swap ib would equal or beat it. But if the numbers don't rise, it'll still be a qualified letdown.

Now, if they pull a Pirate Master and the ship actively takes on water... I think FOX will be reluctant to pull the plug no matter how bad things get: the season will air all the way through whether anyone cares or not. But turning it into one-and-done is a very real option.

Still -- too early to tell. But unless they pull the American Susan Boyle out of a Pepsi cup, early results are not encouraging.

There was last night's recap and here is tonight's unrecyclable recrap.