LAST EDITED ON 09-11-01 AT 10:28 PM (EST)

Guys, please understand, this post is going to be a bit of a catharsis for me. Not lookin' for sympathy, because many other people witnessed far more horrors than I did today, but I did witness it, and I need to get it off my chest.

Most importantly for our little family here, SO glad we've heard from Kira and GG - where IS Moonie? Has anyone heard from her? I didn't mean to mislead on my other post, I thought someone had gotten an email or something? IS she okay?

Again, want to re-emphasize that those who emailed me, I love you all, but emailers, I'll get back in touch, I promise - Tink, got your emails, and I love you, lil' sis!

I hope this is not too upsetting to read, but upsetting enough so that maybe we all re-evaluate what we mean to each other around here, so here is my story...

Let me explain my office layout to you first. Our CEO is really big on showmanship. When he picked out our office space, he did so because it's in a spot with a fabulous view of the whole skyline of Manhattan. This is so when we parade clients through, we get to hear them gush, "OH! What a FABULOUS view of the Twin Towers, Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty!" At the front of our office at our reception area, the Twin Towers were ("were" - sound unreal, doesn't it?) right there, front and center (Sorry when I posted we were about 4 miles away - I think more like 20 blocks). Like I said, they weren't just some little blip on the horizon - to view them out our front window, they looked about two feet tall. Bear that in mind, how f.ucking CLOSE we were to see every horrific little detail.

I arrived at my office just at 9 AM, about five minutes after the first explosion. I walked in and saw about twenty or so of my coworkers up at reception, looking out the window. One of the girls turned around and her face was white as a sheet, and she was crying. I said "Kristen, what happened?" She said "A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center." I ran over with everyone else, and saw huge clouds of smoke billowing out of the side, and two huge gaping holes. We were close enough that I could see the flames inside the holes! We were all crying and very upset, when we spotted the second plane, a few minutes later. One of my coworkers said "That plane - he seems to be flying kinda too close to the hole, doesn't he?" At that exact instant, the plane flew into the side of the second tower and that HUGE ball of fire you all saw on the news during the second explosion? Front and center, right in front of us. Close enough that we could hear a very faint "PFLOOOMFFF!!" We all screamed, and everyone started crying and some running for the exits. I ran to my desk to try and reach Linda and Adam (my two bosses) who, thankfully had appoinments outside the city that they were at - Linda, taking her small son to his first day of Kindergarden in upstate NY, and Adam was at a client breakfast in NJ (Both are safe and I've talked to them since I've arrived home, so they're okay). I couldn't reach either one of them, and was frantically trying to find my brother, who works down around Wall Street (not in the Twin Towers, Thank God). I couldn't reach anyone all day except my sister in law, thank goodness, who was able to give me updates on whether or not she heard from my brother. Then one of the girls came running out of her office, in tears, saying that she'd just talked to her Dad, who saw on CNN that the Pentagon was on fire. At that point, around 9:45, they closed the building and began evacuating us. We got our things and headed back to reception, everyone still crying and scared. When we got to the front again, everyone was milling around, trying to decide who would go with who. I turned my back on the window for a second when everyone behind me screamed again - I turned around, and the whole top half of Tower 2 had snapped off and fallen to the ground. THAT was when everyone ran like rabbits. Some began running for the elevators, but one guy began yelling, "NO! The stairs! Take the stairs!" He rounded up a group of about 12 of us and herded us down the fire exit stairs, all 14 floors, we ran all the way down and outside. No subways were running naturally, and buses and taxis were gridlocked. Only choice - on foot. I was ready to walk to Queens I was so freaked out! We decided that the further north, the better (Wall Street is way downtown, and Queens is north of Manhattan, so this was fine with me). A co-worker, Erica, who works on 97th street invited those of us from NJ and outer boroughs who couldn't get home right away to come to her apartment. I just wanted to go home, but figured her offer was the best decision till the subways were running again. So, we hiked - from 16th street to 97th street. None of us broke a sweat or complained about sore feet - we were too numb to feel anything. Intermitently, I kept trying my sister in law on my cell - she finally heard from my brother, but he'd called her from a payphone on the street - before the top of the tower snapped off. So, we were back to square one about if he was okay or not.

The street scenes were surreal. An ambulance driving by, covered in soot and debris, with it's windows smashed, still driving pell mell through traffic to Roosevelt hospital. People stunned and crying in the streets. I heard later on that downtown, garbage trucks were taking loads of people to the hospital, and ambulances were packed with 11 people in them. It was like a war zone. It was like watching real live scenes from "Independence Day". Somewhere around the 45th street, we found out that both towers had totally collapsed. The World Trade Center is gone - wiped off the map.

We stopped at a deli to get sandwiches to bring back to Erica's apartment, and the food store was packed - 1/2 hour wait just in the checkout line. Finally, when we got back there, I managed to reach my sister in law one more time. Her secretary answered (he lives in NJ, and couldn't get home either), and said that my sis in law had gone to pick up my niece and nephew, and was WALKING home from Manhattan to Brooklyn with both kids! He also told me that my brother was safe, he'd called two minutes before I did and was on his way home.

Finally, around 3 PM, our Mayor (who is more willing than the President at this point to seriously kick some terrorist ass! Our mayor is PISSED!) announced that the subways into Queens were running, so I walked from 97th back down to 60th and Central Park West to catch the train back to Queens. I thought I was all cried out, but I guess not - I approached a police officer and asked him if the trains were really running. I opened my mouth to ask him and burst into tears. He calmed me down, and I just poured out my whole story to him that I did to you guys. Guess it was kind of a delayed reaction. Say prayers for him tonight, okay guys? His father works down around the Towers, and at that point in the afternoon, he hadn't heard about his Dad's whereabouts. So heavy prayers for this guy tonight, please! Once on the subway, I got home with very little trouble, and never thought I'd be so happy to see Queens as I am right now. They've closed our office for tomorrow, which is good - I wasn't planning on going in tomorrow anyway, not after today. I think we all need a break and a day to mourn the people lost here and in Washington.

Please guys - I don't mean to get smarmy, but there was so much hate and hurt that I saw today. Please, let's be good to each other here, okay?

Again, I love you all very much.

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• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,aymelek, 10:47 PM, 09-11-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,VampKira, 11:35 PM, 09-11-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,Drive My Car, 11:43 PM, 09-11-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,dangerkitty, 01:46 AM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,dabo, 02:15 AM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,Outfrontgirl, 02:44 AM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,PepeLePew13, 07:03 AM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,samiam, 09:38 AM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,SkyRaider, 09:57 AM, 09-12-01
  • RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,PepeLePew13, 11:12 AM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,LadyT, 10:32 AM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,Tinkerbell, 11:39 AM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,ItzLisa, 12:02 PM, 09-12-01
  • RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,PepeLePew13, 02:54 PM, 09-12-01
• Thanks Lisa,MakeItStop, 12:38 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,PeterTorque, 01:12 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,Dalton, 01:21 PM, 09-12-01
  • RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,ItzLisa, 04:02 PM, 09-12-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,taginite, 02:07 AM, 09-13-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,FreewayFlyer, 07:08 AM, 09-13-01
• RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,LadyT, 07:18 PM, 09-13-01
  • RE: I Need To Tell You What I Saw...,ItzLisa, 07:26 PM, 09-13-01

LAST EDITED ON 09-12-01 AT 07:16 AM (EST)

Lisa, I'm SOOOOOO glad you're safe & so sorry to hear what you witnessed. I can't even begin to imagine how it felt to see that.

*lights a candle & has a moment of silence for the victims, the grieving and our entire country*

*hugs Lisa for a good while*

"Come to me. Come to me because only I, and my like, can end the lonliness you feel." - The Vampire Lestat

Du ar min hjälte, Supermänniska

Lisa,
Baby, I cannot imagine what you have been through today, I have no words of comfort. You story is as surreal as all the news reports. I have nothing to say , except that I love you. I am so sorry, so horrified by what happened in your city. I want to HUG you, and make it all go away.
I can't make it better, our world has changed; I only want to hold you in my arms and say "it will be alright" I wish I believed that, I wish I could do that. I wish I could Hold everyone who was affected directly. Sh*t, again I ramble.
Bottom line, I am thankful to have you as my friend. I am just so happy to hear from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am thankful for all my friends here
I hope to hug you all someday
E

Thank you for sharing your story, Lisa. I knew you would be telling us your story of what you saw, even before we first heard from you. I knew that you saw, and my heart goes out to you. As devastating as it is it see it on TV, I can't imagine it being in front of you, in your home turf. Honey, I send you hugs and love and peace. This is your home, too, and many arms and hearts are open to you, always. I know you know that.

dangerkitty

*Big Hug* Lisa, Luv You Too.

I am still numb and shocked by what I saw (on TV) and heard today; the thought of all those innocent people, all the needless and pointless deaths.

*Big Hug* So glad you and Moonbaby and GG and Vamps came through this okay.

Feel free to cry on our shoulders or let it all out or whatever, whenever you need to (and not just you, Lisa hun, I mean that for everyone).

*Big Big Big Hug* We are a community, after all.

Lisa,
I already tried to send healing thoughts and empathy in your first post, so this to say thank you for sharing your experience with us. It's like you to apologize to us but you are doing us a favor by sharing with us.

I hope writing does serve as cathartis for you. I want you to know it has the same effect on me. For some reason, hearing a direct account helps me, because I (like others) am in shock from the images on TV, and the best or only way for me to get through these feelings of horror seems to be to listen as hard as I can to what happened, and to try to fully imagine it. Somehow I feel like I owe that to the victims--not to run away and hide from their pain but to think about them and mourn them.

Thank you, Lisa! I only hope you can find some rest soon. I'm sure you are totally exhausted on all levels.

Love,
OFG

Likewise, I echo OFG's sentiments in that writing about this being such a cathartic release for you instead of bottling it up and creating more turmoil inside yourself. It's going to take a long time to get past what you saw and the emotional scars may be there for quite a while so please always feel free to talk about it with us.

I thought almost exactly the same thing while watching some of the first images on TV -- it reminded me of the movie 'Independence Day' with the different cities and monumental buildings involved. I'm just glad that the devastation didn't spread to more cities and more national landmarks even if the damage already done was massive in itself.

Did you eventually get through to John up here in our neck of woods?

"Permit me to introduce myself. I am Pepe Le Pew, your lover."

Thank you, Lisa, for bravely reliving this horror to share it with us. The more of these stories we hear, the less likely it is that we will numb ourselves to the shock and outrage we felt yesterday. Although we are slowly resuming our daily tasks, we must never forget what these acts have done to us as a country, and to the families of those who died. If we forget, we risk it happening again -- and it must not.

LAST EDITED ON 09-12-01 AT 10:01 AM (EST)

Lisa,

Thank you for telling us about such a horrible experience. I read it three times yesterday evening and each time my eyes filled with tears. I read it again this morning and once more, tears.

I'm so grateful that you are safe and hope that this morning, the memory is a little less painful for you and that each day it lessens.

I realized late last night that I had forgotten that it was the anniversary of the death of one of my two children, my only son.

My prayers are with all the victims and their families. May God bless them and may God bless America

Sky

>I realized late last night that I had forgotten
>that it was the anniversary of the death of
>one of my two children, my only son.

A doubly tough anniversary for you, I'm sure, Sky. It is hard to fathom a parent losing a child like you have (I know I would find it tough to handle losing one of my two step-children) and there are now many more parents who have lost children needlessly yesterday to further someone else's "political agenda."

Love you Lisa.
My thoughts are still with all of you

Lis,
Thanks for sharing with us. It helps to be able to have a first hand account of someone I *know* instead of someone on tv. I am still a bit shell-shocked about the whole situation. I just keep saying over and over..."but, I was just there"

I am so glad that you are okay...but feel so awful that you had to witness something so horrendous. The mental health experts are saying that today is the day that it's really going to hit people...if you need someone to lean on...I'm here.

A little story to share about post trauma grief. One of my best friends was a 1996 graduate of Columbine High School. When that tragedy happened she had a couple of friends that she was still close with that were there...I called her about 2 hours after the carnage was over and she was JOKING about it. She seemed okay (she was in Colorado so I was talking to her on the phone) until the next day, when she realized that a girl who was like her little sister was the girl with her hands over her head crying in all the papers. Her "little sister" was in the library and the "little sisters" best friend was dead. We had a five hour converstaion that day...and she wasn't okay for a long time. I know that Columbine is nothing near the carnage that was perpetrated against our country yesterday...but for some reason I felt the need to share.

*says another prayer*

LAST EDITED ON 09-12-01 AT 12:11 PM (EST)

Sky, I'm so sorry about your son - yes, that does make yesterday's anniversary tough on two levels. (((Hug)))

Hugs to Tink - yes, alot of people were comparing the shell-shock to Columbine, Flight 800, Pearl Harbor, Oklahoma City...

Right now, just still processing it all, watching the news, getting the shivers whenever they re-show the second explosion that we all got a good eyefull of from our office. They're turing various areas of the city into makeshift morgues as they recover bodies...I'm still saying prayers for that nice cop's father to be found alive.

I slept with a light on last night - my sleep was sketchy, but no bad dreams. I was just too freaked out to sleep in the total dark - I'm sure I'll be okay about it tonight now that I've calmed down. Woke up around 6 AM when a friend from Habitat called to see if I was okay, because she couldn't reach me yesterday. After I talked to her, I went back to bed til around 10 AM.

Found out yesterday on the news why they hijacked four planes en route to California - because the b.astards knew they'd be filled to the brim with fuel, so the explosions would cause the most damage (I'm sure guys heard this already).

One thing I feel awful about in this big melting pot of a city... I feel so terrible for any regular, ordinary citizens who may be of Middle Eastern descent, people who are just living their lives and wouldn't hurt a fly and were just as horrified as anyone else about yesterday - because now they're going to be scrutinized wherever they go. Whenever they fly, whenever they walk down the street in NY - after yesterday, alot of people will always view them with suspicion because of their nationality. That's pretty sad.

Pepe, yes, I was finally able to talk to John around 11 PM last night. My phone service was sketchy - may still be. I was unable to reach a friend in Manhattan till I tried her number about three times. Family down in NJ and PA - I could reach my Dad and my sister, but not my Mom and my oldest brother. My brother eventually got through to me, and I eventually got ahold of my Mom after about 30 tries. I was never able to get ahold of John on my home phone, the lines just wouldn't connect to Toronto. Finally, around 11 PM, my cellphone was done recharging and I finally reached him at home - he couldn't phone me either. He already knew I was safe from two other people - when my phone wouldn't work, I figured whoever I couldn't call I could email if I was able to get online. I don't know how it happened so fast, but I connected like it was any normal day. There were a bunch of very worried emails, from you guys, from family and friends, and a very scared panicked one from John's parents. I emailed them and said "I'm okay, but please call John because I can't reach him on the phone - the lines won't connect!" Not knowing how soon they'd check their email, I kept trying him at work and at home. Finally, at his work, I was able to get through, but all the employees had left, except for a security guard. He sounded very annoyed and said "Well, I'll page him - (*SIGH!!!*) Who's calling?" I said "This is his girlfriend, from NY". All of a sudden, this guy's whole attitude changed! "Oh, my God!!! His girlfriend - he's been going crazy all day trying to reach you! Are you okay?" I said "Yes, I'm all right and I'm home, but I can't reach his apartment - if he doesn't answer his page, can you please call him at home and tell him I'm all right but can't reach him?" So he promised he would, and just went on and on about how relieved he was that I was all right because John was going out of his mind, he said! By the time I got John on the phone, his parents and the security guard had already phoned him. His parents emailed back this morning saying "He was frantic till we got a hold of him" - makes me sick to think he worried all day till that evening, because if I could have reached him, he'd have known by at least 10:15 AM, right after we evacuated, that I was all right. Same with my parents, same with everyone.

On a lighter note (if there can be one) - Mothers will always be Mothers, and my Mom is no exception. After determining that my brother, sister in law and I were all alive and okay, she stayed glued to the TV to see if the news teams interviewed us when they were asking passerbys and witnesses for their reaction! She said "Once I knew you were okay, I was hoping they might interview you or your brother on the street!" What can I say? We've always known she's had a little "Edith Bunker" in her!

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>One thing I feel awful about in this big melting pot
>of a city... I feel so terrible for any regular, ordinary
>citizens who may be of Middle Eastern descent, people
>who are just living their lives and wouldn't hurt a
>fly and were just as horrified as anyone else about
>yesterday - because now they're going to be scrutinized
>wherever they go. Whenever they fly, whenever they walk
>down the street in NY - after yesterday, alot of people
>will always view them with suspicion because of their nationality. That's pretty sad.

You got that right. My sister's boyfriend is from Iran and he fled the Ayatollah (the real one, not the one on here ) and his regime about 10 years ago. The sad reality is while he's one of the nicest and coolest guys you can hope to meet, his long wild hair, appearance and name will attract some unfair attention onto him.

>She said "Once I knew you were okay, I was hoping
>they might interview you or your brother on
>the street!" What can I say? We've always
>known she's had a little "Edith Bunker" in her!

This put a smile on my face. I've always liked Edith as the fave character on that show.

"Permit me to introduce myself. I am Pepe Le Pew, your lover."

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you will continue to be nightmare free.

I glad you're OK in the wake of this terrible tragedy.

Dear Lisa,

Trust me it is a good thing for your mental and emotional well-being that you share all your experience with us, your cyber family. There are many "phases" you will need to pass through in the days to come. It is a grieving process that can't be avoided or even skipped or rushed. And I know....it's painful.

Having lived through "Acts of God" (Tornados) and acts of perverted evil (Rape Crisis Center) you can count on me to offer any words of wisdom I can provide; if needed.

I'm only as far away as an email.

Right now Itz.....take care of YOURSELF and those you love. Those are immediate things you CAN control. As for all that other "outside stuff" over which you have NO control....LET GO AND LET GOD!

A warm blanket, a hot cup of tea and a long hug of strength from your friend in Texas.

Dalton

Thanks, Dalton - I'm praying for your loved ones in your other post. Have you heard from them yet, that they're safe? Please let us know.

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glad you and your family are okay lisa..

amazing story..it made cry last nite...again

*hug*

Lisa,

From someone who reads often but doesn't post I'm just so relieved that you made it out OK. You have been in my thoughts since the news broke. But I was too scared to check the board yesterday.

What horrors you've seen - the television pictures are so awful but to have witnessed it and to feel and smell it, I hope talking about it has helped heal you.

I'm sending you lots of really good thoughts and hugs.

FF

Itz, I hope you don't mind, but I am bumping this thresd up so my friend can read this.

I don't mind at all, Trish luv - go to it, everyone needs to remember this day for all the reasons we've all been talking about since Tuesday. To be careful, to never take our loved ones for granted, and to have faith that we're going to all be okay eventually.

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