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Thread Number: 14
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Original Message
"Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by tribephyl on 06-01-07 at 04:13 AM
*ding*ding*
Ahoy you ... you ... you . p p p ppp p i pi pire... I just can't.
Okay big breath.
Ahoy you ... enthusiastic yet sad bunch of DAWS! Let's get this adventure started!

Off you go, into a boat, no cars, no internet, no luxuries. (But I do have some eyeliner for everyone.) Toss in a couple of prop skeletons and a bucket of maggots and away we go.

Welcome to Dominica. A pirates paradise. Like my chest?
The chest of Zanzibar is nice too, eh?

After splitting you up into tribes teams you got to search for actual gold pieces, during the reward challenge first treasure hunt.
It would seem the red team is better... No wait. It would seem that John is better then everyone else. What exactly does a scientist/erotic dancer bring to the table that others do not? Muscle? Brains? Whispers? A Compass?

Back in the real world...
Good goin' on the promotion JD...er Cap'n JoeDon. You're off to a rousing start. And with 20,000 in your pocket and a chip on your shoulder, I'm already doubting your ability to hold onto the job for long. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Oh and nice job on the cushy side positions there Ben and Cheryl.
Shant be too unlivable eating a bigger share of the captians crumbs, ay?

What'd you all think of Pirates Court? A big shout-out to whoever did the lighting.
Perfect.
It was subtle but really showed off my shimmering lead head perfectly.

Sorry about the black mark/scare there Joy and Rupert...uh sorry. Joy and Louie. Black marks are ugly, but not always fatal.
As MB can surely attest to, we don't want to lose either of you just yet. So here's some dramamine for Joy and some positive editing for Rup...er Louie. *I gotta stop doing that.*

Okay everybody gather round, it's now time to give the old HeaveHo to John Geekdancer.
And what a moroni...heroic gesture to try and mutiny on the first night. hahaha. Uh sorry John. Mounting a mutiny isn't a solo job.
Cap'n JoeDon? Would you take the honor of slicing through the rope and setting the esoteric romancer adrift? The ship is sailing on without you, John.

Alas, I hardly miss ye'.


You can call me Daddo.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by ARnutz on 06-01-07 at 07:19 AM
I have crabs.



Aye, Matey, me booty has been tribed!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by cahaya on 06-01-07 at 10:41 AM
Arrr, me buxom beauty, even ye crabs won't keep me hands away from yer curvy bountiful chest!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by ARnutz on 06-02-07 at 11:00 AM
You? ...are a naughty, naughty boy.

Now go swab the deck!


Aye, Matey, me booty has been tribed!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by byoffer on 06-04-07 at 08:51 AM
Aye yes, swab and swab away. Me mighty deck is pulsing at the the very thought of a good swabbing.


And there's a little puke down me port side that could use some cleaning up also.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by emydi on 06-04-07 at 10:19 AM
pfft....


"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by cahaya on 06-04-07 at 04:40 PM
(*dumps a huge barrel of gatorade over the deck*)

Arrr, that'll do it.

Leave the rest of it to the bilge rat waterboy.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by qwertypie on 06-04-07 at 09:31 PM
Sorry! I've got my seasickness bracelets on now, shouldn't happen again.



I've been planked by Tribe!

"The executive producer speaks."
Posted by Estee on 06-01-07 at 07:35 AM
It's like this. I was getting really tired of waiting for a Survivor to drown. I deliberately cast people who can't swim, can't think, can't move, I'm sure at least two of them couldn't breathe -- and what do I get? Only a handful of injuries and no fatalities. The televisions gods hate me, because they know I'm taking over the whole pantheon as soon as I get up there.

So it's time for another patented Mark Burnett completely original idea. Let's see. We'll take the voting system from my own show and distort it a little. Next up, I'll just grab the Head of Household aspect from the Chenbot -- it's not as if she's ever known what to do with it, the idiot won't even notice it's gone -- and make it even more of a revenge-bringer by turning it into something long-term that protects the power-flushed idiot's closest allies. Might as well throw in this Coup D'Tat thing or however I'll convince the country it's spelled, get TAR's clue styles because I still owe them so much revenge myself, the tortured setup, prize style, and robotic host from the Lairdbot because I walked in on the artificial non-intelligences while they were trying to mate, and -- throw them all on a pirate ship! It's completely original!

Besides, it's not as if any of them have the money to sue me.

Yes -- yes, that's it. A little minimal training in sailing techniques, just enough that they'll believe it's real, and someone will get their fingers snapped off in a rope loop, or fall from the rigging, or just outright drown. And then the ratings will come. Oh yes. They will come.

Something for the winner? All right. They could get up to a million dollars. Not an actual million dollars. Just 'up to'. This time, I'll split the proceeds as we go, and we'll get all sorts of opportunities for bribing, stealing, and spending. Especially stealing. By me. And spending. By them. Four thousand dollars for a bag of Doritos. Opening the bidding floor...

Time to cast this thing. Egos? Check. Idiots? Check. Stereotypes? Check. Rupert wanna-be? Check. Attempt to prove that all strippers are morons? Che -- oops. How did that one get through? He's beating my challenge! He's making my sets look stupid! He even spotted the Disney logo under the skulls, and they have enough money to sue me! This is the worst casting disaster since -- well, we don't talk about that. We just don't. Or you're fired.

Got to get rid of him... good thing we were casting for egos first: his is already rubbing people the wrong way... All right, I can solve this. Just pull a few strings to make his biggest rival the captain, which guarantees he'll be in the first trio to get black-spotted, then watch the social niceties fly past his complete incomprehension of 'personal space'. Check. Check. Chec --

-- he did what with the compasses? And they voted him off anyway?

Brilliant! Now we can show the other idiots stumbling around in the jungle for days without finding anything! I'll get to keep all of the prize budget for myself! It's not like I wasn't going to get it back anyway, but now I don't even have to manipulate for it! I can just send the future corpses sailing around and around the perimeter of the same island for no money, plus every time they want to move in a new direction, I can use that 'thirty minutes later' banner and show off the ship again! Yes, let's get some more shots of the ship -- and still more shots of the ship -- it's my editing: we're showing off the ship. Nothing else is as important.

What do you mean, no one knows who these people are? No one cares who these people are. I certainly don't.

Look. It's like this. I can always get more future bodies from the casting department.

The ship has to go back at the end of the month.



As long as the ratings don't make it a three-hour tour...

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by KObrien_fan on 06-01-07 at 10:57 AM
May I be the first to say thank you Mark for casting me on the Picton Castle as the resident eye candy. I'll play this game UTR and be food for the soul as I smile my pretty smile that nobody will notice because they will be too busy looking at my oobies which are so very fine.


Playboy has already called and you didn't need to get out the peanut butter

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by Estee on 06-01-07 at 11:05 AM
It talks?

Who said it could talk?


"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by emydi on 06-01-07 at 11:07 AM
we need to thank Heidi and Deena, our role models..Nessa will have to thank Jenna M...

that Mark...he sure goes outside of the box when casting these shows...


I swab no man's deck

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by cahaya on 06-01-07 at 11:04 AM
As long as the ratings don't make it a three-hour tour...

What, you sayin' we ain' makin' it to the playoffs?

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by Estee on 06-01-07 at 11:11 AM
What would you know about making it to the playoffs?


"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by cahaya on 06-01-07 at 03:23 PM
Playoffs in '90, '91 and '92, dude. And AFC offensive player of the year in '89, as well as pro-bowler in '89 and '91.

And what would you know about football, Mr. B, apart from being a spectator of the pansy EPL?

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by emydi on 06-01-07 at 03:27 PM
dude....don't tell people what you really do....you'll never get any booty that way...I went to the Willard School of Law



I swab no man's deck

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by cahaya on 06-01-07 at 03:47 PM
Whispering: (*psst*) This is our secret!

Besides, I just got EPMB to admit a mistake. Mission accomplished.

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by Estee on 06-01-07 at 03:32 PM
My mistake. I meant to say 'What would you know about winning?' Or did you think this game was going to be your Super Bowl? Your old game has rules: I haven't even begun to set down the conditions under which you'll try to play. I can make a touchdown count for negative forty points and a fumble into the saving grace of your life. Or the receiving grave.

I've dealt with people who thought they were going to get a substitute for their ring fetish before you. One of them still whimpers whenever he hears the word 'sportsmanship'. You'll be nio different.

We don't talk about the other one.

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by cahaya on 06-01-07 at 03:56 PM
"My mistake. I meant to say..."

*Tweet!* Halftime.

If ya can't say whatcha meant, Mr. B, you'll never make it calling the audibles.

Even on the set plays.

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by Estee on 06-01-07 at 04:07 PM
*passes around salary statement for Christian's football years, unfairly translated into 2007 dollars*

Now that's a set play.



I do the cutting off around here. Generally at the knees.

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by cahaya on 06-01-07 at 04:18 PM

Ouch! (And trust me, I know how that feels!)

"Oh Admiral..."
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 06-02-07 at 07:18 PM
Speaking of pay ... You still owe us a themed cruise that doesn't require us to bring the equipment or put up with clones of past survivors.

Oh, and what's with getting me all excited with a Rupert wannabe? I loved Rupert. I knew Rupert. And this guy is no Rupert.

Nasty trick to play on your favorite Reporters!

"RE: Oh Admiral..."
Posted by Estee on 06-02-07 at 08:40 PM
...someone got paid? How did this happen? Obviously the accounting department forget to deduct the Honor Of Working For Mark Burnett Tax. Don't worry: we'll balance the books somehow. If you'd rather not deal in money, I believe Jeff's hair needs some fresh blood.

And of course the casting division decided to get you excited. Watching you get excited keeps the camera operators from wondering about the new Usage Of Oxygen Tax.

A cleanup fee for the carbon dioxide's not a bad idea either.

"RE: Oh Admiral..."
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 06-02-07 at 09:05 PM
You do realize that by making a deity your head cameraman, attempting to stiff him (and his Priestess/reporter) of their cruise could result in your little empire going the way of Greece, Rome, and Carthage, right?


pfffft at your casting department. It's not me that diverts Ra and Uncle Cameraman, it's all those overfilled bodices. lol

"RE: Oh Admiral..."
Posted by Estee on 06-03-07 at 06:33 AM
As a future god of television, employing lesser, deposed, virtually-powerless deities amuses me. (And he's also really good at getting those overhead shots.) Tell me, what's his believer count these days? 'Six', wasn't it?

There shall be no discrimination against bodices. It's the code of the sea.

"RE: Oh Admiral..."
Posted by qwertypie on 06-03-07 at 09:57 AM
(Well, Bunny and Ra seems to be doing very well with your On the Lot series. Just saying)
"RE: Oh sure..."
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 06-03-07 at 10:24 AM
If by "doing very well" you mean keeping Fisher and Marshall's coffee cups filled with Vodka, putting up with cackling actors in wacky cabs, actresses peeing in cups on buses, or watching a director convince his actor that the 2000 version of a nerd appears to have down syndrome.

Oh yeah, THAT'S a great gig.

"RE: Oh sure..."
Posted by qwertypie on 06-03-07 at 10:20 PM
Well, considering On th Lot is doing so poorly at the ratings that FOX is cutting back to one ep per week, I thought maybe you and Ra were focussing your energies to the Pirate Master Forum on the left and missed by a hair.
"RE: Oh Admiral..."
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 06-03-07 at 10:19 AM
"Tell me, what's his believer count these days? 'Six', wasn't it?"

Not in the summer, in the summer the count goes waaaaaaaaaay up. Especially among teenagers, and dermatologists.


No, the code of the sea is "render unto the Sungod what is due, or expect smiting to ensue"

"RE: The executive producer speaks."
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 06-01-07 at 02:59 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 03:12 PM (EST)

Thank you Mr. Burnett. I promise to become as popular as me long lost half brother. Just keep that positive editing coming.

"Houston Admiral, we got a problem....."
Posted by vince3 on 06-04-07 at 09:52 AM
*see post #71*

Your worst nightmare has materialized!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by rasslinmomma on 06-01-07 at 08:45 AM
Hello Mark? Are you there? This is Kendra. Remember me? You cast me for Pirate Master. Yeah, mmhmm. You see, I was kinda expecting a speaking role when you cast me. Markie, you got some 'splainin' to do before I mutiny!!!

Earring dude, I appreciate the arm you put around me as Cameron was explaining the rules of the game. You make me feel so safe, so secure, what was your name again? Lex?

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by Estee on 06-01-07 at 08:52 AM
Have we met?

No. We haven't. And do you know why we haven't met? Because meeting someone as insignificant as you would be a complete waste of my precious time!

Let me know if there's anything else you need cleared up.



I will let you speak on camera when you have something interesting to say. Or two mimutes before you're cut adrift. Whichever comes first.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by sporkman on 06-01-07 at 10:58 AM
Could I please have less camera time. It's hard for the pirate crew to not notice me when your crew keeps pointing the cameras at me. You're screwing up my game plan! I'm trying to be UTR!


Look over there, Christa's oobies!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by Estee on 06-01-07 at 11:09 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 11:10 AM (EST)

Let me know if any of this sounds familiar. 'My shoe! My shoe! I lost my precious shoe! I can't keep my foot in shape to play the toe-guitar without my shoe!' I'm not supposed to air that? Silly Ben: I air what I want, and the rest, I just make up.

Look, we both know you only wound up here because you were too boring to wind up in front of Jerry Springer, too feminine for Paula, and too masculine for -- for -- well, there must be someone. If you don't want camera time, lose the officer's coat and then get on the Raft To Nowhere. Or consider carefully who you're working for. You're tied to Don Joe at the hip, and they will all -- go down -- together...


"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by The Cake on 06-01-07 at 08:57 AM
Arrg, thar she blows someglass..........

If you looked closely, I was shown 3 times in the first 2 minutes. I be in the previews for next week, so I am here. You'll see, you all will see!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by jbug on 06-01-07 at 09:12 AM
Kendra? Laurel? Azmyth? We did not miss the boat, did we?
No, I was actually there. I saw myself a few times (what? you don't know there are mirrors around so we can check our make up constantly?) I am a make up artist you know. Hummmmm. thinking maybe that's why Mark brought me along.
Oh well, as long as I get my share of the gold (& by my share I mean the biggest portions).

Hey! Capt JD. You know all that gold ya got, you coniving swindler sweet hunk of burnin lvoe? Iffn it'd be pleasin ya, I might have something to share wid ya, iffn you could see yore way to slippin a few pieces my way.


Honored by Tribe
Back off gurls! I've got first dids on the Captn.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by KObrien_fan on 06-01-07 at 10:52 AM
Sorry girl friend, you don't have "dids" on Cap'n, I am his personal bed warmer.


I give good backrubs, I polish the deck, I don't get seasick, I do all things that I am told to do like a good little sweet innocent girl...

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by emydi on 06-01-07 at 11:14 AM
polish the deck....*snort*


I swab no man's deck

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by jbug on 06-01-07 at 04:26 PM
I called dibs first and I'll fight for what's mine!
Go ahead, warm his bed - BEFORE he gets in it with me!


With that head bouncing around, you'll get your share of seasickness - just hang around with Joy & enjoy!
"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by cahaya on 06-01-07 at 10:52 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 10:58 AM (EST)

Hey, coach, it's third and one and our signal caller can't hit the broadside of a frigate.

When am I gonna see some game time?

Trade me to the real Buccaneers.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by Estee on 06-01-07 at 10:56 AM
Careful. I've already destroyed a quarterback.

Or was it a landscaper? I can never remember.


"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by Snidget on 06-01-07 at 09:13 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 09:15 AM (EST)

Got my list, lets see.

Eyeliner, check
Hair do dads, check.

Oh.My.Heck. This is just going to be the best.job.evah.

Gold coins, check (do you think they'd notice if a few of these went missing, I could make like the cutest jewlery out of these)

Scarves Red and Black, check.
Cool stuff for the Captain's Quarters and Captain, check.

What's this????
Crabs, how many crabs, and I gotta pick 'em up and put 'em in where? Ick.

How many of these fake plastic skeletons do I have to scratch the "I stole this from Disneyworld" do I have to fix up?

Maggots!!!! MAGGOTS!!!! stuffed into WHAT???

*faints*

Prop Department Intern

"CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by vince3 on 06-01-07 at 09:30 AM
*stomp stomp stomp*

Avast ye scurvy dogs, get to your chores and no talk of Mutiny or I'll keelhaul ya just like Johnny (Depp) that's over there on the adrift wood!

Compass? We don't need no stinking compass? We sail by the stars at night and by the sun at day! Who cares if we passed that island 4 times today, I'm the captain, not a navigator! It's not my fault you kept the Rupert wannabe over the exoctic dancer who stole the compasses lying around........

Like my cabin? Because you're only gonna see it by invitation only! Arrgh.


"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by Estee on 06-01-07 at 10:19 AM
No self-control? Check.
No ability to visualize the future? Check.
No capacity for projecting possible consequences of his actions? Check.

Now this is a casting department at work!

Good news, selection crew! You can actually eat today!

"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 06-01-07 at 02:46 PM
Got a little something for that itch on yer back captain ...

How dare you black mark America's sweetheart! When me and my alliance of UTR wench’s strike, it will you who will be set adrift.

"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by vince3 on 06-01-07 at 02:58 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 03:41 PM (EST)

Ahem!

*points to John's adriftness*

and THAT was a unamious vote, Rupert Louie, if they really thought about it, (and maybe you also make a plea for it), they'd maybe sent somebody else adrift. Including *gulp* me! Apparently he who complains, gets set adrift, so watch your own back, mate!


"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by sporkman on 06-01-07 at 03:09 PM
I'm under the radar too! You didn't even see me standing there when you were talking about mutiny.


I'm so UTR I was stuck in the mud!

"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by piratepolly on 06-04-07 at 08:13 AM
AAWWKK! Polly see the cabin! Polly see the cabin! AAWWWWK!

"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by vince3 on 06-04-07 at 09:46 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-04-07 AT 09:47 AM (EST)

*finds the parrot treats*

*sets out a trail of treats to EPMB's the Admiral's cabin/trailer/whatever.....*

"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by Estee on 06-04-07 at 11:38 AM
...not again! Let's make something perfectly clear here, non-people. Are you listening? I. Don't. Do. Parrots. Not after -- we're not going to talk about that. But no more parrots. I am at my parrot limit. Once was more than enough and after what Jeff kept doing --

-- this one's red? You're sure?

All right, I suppose that's vaguely different. It can stay for now, at least until more evidence arises or someone graduates from the Clarence School Of Cookery. But I don't want to see it anywhere near me, I'm definitely not paying it, and I will make sure it gets abused at every possible opporunity.

So basically, it's now an extra contestant. Add one more letter to the black spot pile.



For some strange reason, I just got tired of being called an ignorant slut.

"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by piratepolly on 06-04-07 at 12:02 PM
Splat!

AWWKKK!!

"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 06-04-07 at 02:31 PM
Excuse me? You have subjected Ra and I to crocks, piranhas, snakes, spiders, vultures, bats and SHANE.

The least you can do is allow us to keep the parrot, dang it!


Besides, you cant abuse the Dominica National Bird, there will be law suits!

"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by Estee on 06-04-07 at 04:53 PM
It's a long story.

It's a very long story...

I cast one where half the group thought she was a stripper and they completely fail to vote her off first. I cast one where the entire group knows he's a stripper and he barely stays long enough to steal two compasses and cast a shadow. As far as I'm concerned, I'm vindicated.

http://community.realitytvworld.com/boards/cgi-bin/dcboard.cgi?az=show_thread&om=4421&forum=DCForumID4&omm=16


"RE: CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!"
Posted by piratepolly on 06-04-07 at 11:40 AM
BLAAWWK! BLECCHHHH! Polly wanna doubloon!

Captain's got rum! Captain's got rum! AAWWWK!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by sporkman on 06-01-07 at 09:52 AM
Arrrg! I be sailing under the deck-line. Just where I want to be. None of ye scallywags be noticing me! I be just another nameless face like that young lass over thar and that guy with the scruffy hair and what's his name, the ex-NFL player. Arrg!

AHHHH!! My shoes. I've lost my shoes. I'm just a poor college graduate. I can't afford to buy new shoes. I need my shoes. Forget about the treasure! Someone help me dig out my shoes! AHHHH!

Yup. I be sailing at water level. Pay no mind to me, me hearties.
I just want to blend into the crew wearing my new first mate's uniform. Just call me Ensign Irrelevant, matey. Don't be holding no grudges 'gainst me 'cause I got more grub and pieces of eight then ye. I be a poor starving college graduate. I need the treasure more then thee. Arrrg!



Where's the Booty I was promised?

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by emydi on 06-01-07 at 10:01 AM
Oh and nice job on the cushy side positions there Ben and Cheryl.
Shant be too unlivable eating a bigger share of the captians crumbs, ay?

I eat no man's crumbs...but I do get to write in the book with a big feather pen and I get this cool coat...and I know where JD keeps the loot

Poop deck-I swab no man's deck...that's what I have Louie for....



I need a new saying..."I swab no man's deck"

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by sporkman on 06-01-07 at 10:18 AM
Great job as senior officer. I'll let you do all of the talking, then maybe the crew won't notice that I'm an officer too.


I'm the Junior Junior Officer. Pay no attention to me.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by agman on 06-01-07 at 10:11 AM
avast ye scurvy mateys, I kept me a low profile last night I did. With Long John gone I be the lone pirate what has a pretty face.....The rest of ye shall walk the plank or be set adrift afore I lets ye have more pieces of eight. I likes to speak out of me arse.....arrrrrrgggggg

Keelhauled by tribe

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by qwertypie on 06-01-07 at 10:38 AM
Urp! Excuse me!!!!


I've been planked by Tribe!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 06-01-07 at 03:09 PM
Thar she blows!

Sweetie you're in over your head. As the only true pirate around here, crying is NOT very piratey.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by qwertypie on 06-01-07 at 03:38 PM
*wipes vomit from mouth*
At least the fish will eat well tonight.

Ahh, Pirate Louie what broad shoulders you have to cry on.

Yes, you are right, I am in over my head. %$^&^*%Mark Burnett promised my this was going to be the Love Boat. Didn't you see me do my best Julie impression as I tried to lead everyone in a rousing chorus of Kumbaya (with drum accompaniment no less!)



I've been planked by Tribe!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by Estee on 06-01-07 at 06:12 PM
If this was the Love Boat, I would have brought Rob and Amber in. You don't see them anywhere, do you?

Yet.



Now, where did I hide Rupert?

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by agman on 06-01-07 at 06:18 PM
]Now, where did I hide
>Rupert?


Me be wishin Rupert was here. He be a right good bucaneer


Keelhauled by tribe

"Arrrrrrrrrrrr!"
Posted by Scarlett O Hara on 06-02-07 at 07:37 AM
You call, EPMB? We come runnin', arghhhhhhh!



One nation, under Romber...
"Somewhere Under the Radar"
Posted by KObrien_fan on 06-01-07 at 10:39 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 10:40 AM (EST)

Batting her eyelashes and splashing water on her big fake oobies, we hear a gleeful little ballad from the foredeck:

Somewhere under the radar
Way down low
There's the place that I hope for
Its my spot on this show

Somewhere under the radar
Coins are gold
And the treasures that I speak of
Will be mine at last to hold

Some day I'll rise upon the deck
And shout to all the hired hands "lets mutiny"
Where men will melt like lemondrops
When my two lips on their "mast" stops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere under the radar
Way down low
Others fly under the radar
Why then, oh why can't I?

Some day I'll be a rising star
And the emptiness in my hands is far behind me
Where men will melt like lemondrops
When my two lips on their "mast" stops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere under the radar
Way down low
There's the place that I hope for
Its my spot on this show

If other little DAWS can fly
Beneath the radar
Why, oh why can't I?


One day my mateys you will find out that I am more than just eye candy, and then far you it will be too late! Consider yourself warned!


But seriously, my oobies stole the show, did you see them? How could you miss them. They are soft, lucious, and oh so sweet. Come here my Cap'n and I shall let you drink my wine...

"RE: Somewhere Under the Radar"
Posted by emydi on 06-01-07 at 10:52 AM
pfft....how many gold coins did they cost ye


I swab no man's deck

"RE: Somewhere Under the Radar"
Posted by KObrien_fan on 06-01-07 at 10:54 AM
Not as many as I will soon walk away from this game with...your booty included


"RE: Somewhere Under the Radar"
Posted by byoffer on 06-04-07 at 09:15 AM
When my two lips on their "mast" stops

Aye, lassie, yer enough to sink this here ship. Yer welcome to spend as much time as ye wants plying yer trade on me deck.


Stepping out of character, that was awesome KO. *applause*

"RE: Somewhere Under the Radar"
Posted by KObrien_fan on 06-04-07 at 09:27 AM
I lvoe a big deck as much as any other wench, but unless it can get me the treasure, there won't be much rummaging around yer parts me friend. Maybe after the show is over and I have claimed me rightful bounty, the two of us can sail off in the sunset alone...


"Um...."
Posted by Spanky68 on 06-01-07 at 11:33 AM
I would say something here...but I am not sure I am even ON the show. Did I get a single word on the air in Ep 1?

My hair was looking pretty tight, though, eh?

"RE: Um...."
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 06-01-07 at 02:51 PM
I the hair was tight, but what's up with that curly shaved look thing you do with your beard? Be a man and grow a full beard like America's sweetheart.


"RE: Um...."
Posted by emydi on 06-01-07 at 03:20 PM
shut up swabbie and clean my jr. officer's shoes


I swab no man's deck

"RE: Um...."
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 06-01-07 at 04:47 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 05:05 PM (EST)

Yes mam.

(low inaudible grumbling) oh I got a dagger for your back too captains kissazz. Just want fair pay.

"RE: Um...."
Posted by Spanky68 on 06-01-07 at 05:31 PM
FairPlay? Yeah, I guess I do kind of look like him.

Eiter I can keep my mouth shut, though, or MB edited all my speaking parts out.


"RE: Um...."
Posted by tribephyl on 06-01-07 at 06:00 PM

You have more then one speaking part?

And this whole time I thought we'd already set adrift our exotic dancer.


You can call me Daddo.

"RE: Um...."
Posted by Spanky68 on 06-01-07 at 06:40 PM
if you don't give me camera time, you'll never know, now will you.

When it speaks, it speaks with a mighty baritone voice.

"RE: Um...."
Posted by sporkman on 06-02-07 at 10:41 PM
Azmyth,
You can have some of my camera time. Next time the camera is pointed at me, jump in and say something to take the attention away from me. If you do that I'll give you some of my gold.


Stop looking at me

"RE: Um...."
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 06-03-07 at 00:56 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-03-07 AT 09:28 AM (EST)

Azmyth has not been ID'd on the show yet Ben. If you want less camera time, that gold needs to mysteriously show up in Ra's camera bag, or the secret compartment in my microphone. Both are big enough to accept many $500 gold pieces. Two will do, for starters.


"RE: Um...."
Posted by sporkman on 06-03-07 at 10:04 PM
You want two $500 gold pieces!?! Don't you know I'm a poor college graduate?!? I was going to give Azmyth a $20 gold piece and hope he could give me back some change.


"RE: Um...."
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 06-04-07 at 11:55 AM
Well, ok. Upon further reflection, Ra's decided to go easy on you since it's the first leg of the voyage. Two $20 dollar gold pieces will be sufficient this time. (Remember, you are paying to both stay out of camera range, AND to stay away from the microphone.)

But as this voyage continues, you will have to decide what it's really worth to you to stay UTR.


Humph, you are lucky we are such softies. Just don't tell MB.

"RE: Um...."
Posted by sporkman on 06-04-07 at 02:40 PM
Well there goes the money I was putting aside to buy new shoes. If I don't find any gold this week and I'm set adrift, I hope my $40 buys you lots of happiness. I just want you to know that I'll be marching with the community marching band wearing my mud filled shoes.

Aren't your followers buying enough ceremonial coconut oil? Does extorting a few dollars from an impoverished band geek make you feel like a Major Deity?


Picking a fight with the camera man, that should help me stay UTR.

"RE: Um...."
Posted by qwertypie on 06-04-07 at 03:59 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-04-07 AT 04:00 PM (EST)

Just remember, if any one should 'accidently' fall overboard, the camera and production crew are under strict orders not to help.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 06-01-07 at 04:38 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-01-07 AT 05:58 PM (EST)

Player hatin’ Dadeo? Just cause your C list acting career didn’t take off, don’t be jealous. Maybe if you took acting and voice lessons, you could have become as popular as your hero Russell Crowe. Instead, you’re a host of a summertime reality series, so sad really.

After last night’s premier, this is clearly my ship and my adventure. The rest of you scurvy dogs should just set yourself adrift now. I had more interviews (thank you Mr. Burnett, love ya), my loud booming laugh and voice could be heard in almost every scene, the wench's dig me, and the viewers love me most. And do you know why? Cause I am the only true pirate, for I am Louie!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by foonermints on 06-02-07 at 03:47 PM
Stinkin' bilge rat! Y'ain't no admiral of the black. Yer brother dinn't have much luck with his sand basement, and the sooner you see the deep forty, the better.
Avast!


RUM! I must have 'e more RUM!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 06-05-07 at 02:53 PM
Arrr but me half brother didn't need strategy to earn the gold! Being the fan fav is worth more.


"Louie wanna be pirate?"
Posted by piratepolly on 06-07-07 at 08:11 AM
LAST EDITED ON 06-07-07 AT 08:14 AM (EST)

AAWWWK! AWWWWK! Polly tell joke!


A man went into the pet shop. "I am playing Long John Silver in the local amateur dramatic society's Treasure Island and need a parrot to sit on my shoulder," he said.

"I don't have any parrots at the moment, but you wouldn't want a real parrot for that. It would squawk in all the wrong places, poop on your shoulder and generally be a nuisance. What you need is a stuffed parrot. Just as realistic and easily controlled."

"Are you sure a stuffed parrot would be OK?" asked the customer. "I want this performance to be as realistic as possible."

"I am sure a stuffed parrot would be fine," said the pet shop owner. "I have one at home. I'll bring it in and if you come back on Thursday you can have it."

"Sorry," said the customer. "I can't make it on Thursday. That's the day I'm having my leg cut off."



AAWWWKK?! Polly not a nuisance!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by qwertypie on 06-01-07 at 06:56 PM
Well, I for one am gald John is gone. I can't stand anyone who uses his hands to talk. Anyway, as soon as this gig is over, I am going over to Italty to host their IMC (International Mime Convention)



I've been planked by Tribe!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by jbug on 06-02-07 at 09:18 PM
Mimes? *I* could do the make up!


Honored by Tribe
"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by Glow on 06-05-07 at 08:49 AM
I be so glad that exotic scientist be set adrift. What a conceited jerk that guy be.
… so arrr. Fear nay me swabbie beauties, I be hopin’ with th' way MBP edits an' all, that th’days be numbered fer all them who hogged th' camera, (Loupert an' th' puker). *crosses fingers*


"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 06-05-07 at 02:48 PM
Just because you're named after the biggest planet, doesn't mean that you're going to be the biggest DAW. MB is a very smart man and recognizes and rewards his stars.


"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by agman on 06-05-07 at 03:00 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-05-07 AT 03:01 PM (EST)

aye DB, thars the reason I still be here. Fer I be the biggest star around! No son of a barnacle pirate be as pretty as me! Arrrgh them be me words matey!



Keelhauled by tribe

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 06-05-07 at 03:24 PM
DB? Who that? Oh yeah, I’ve heard of him, talk about someone completely full of himself. Would have loved to cast that guy adrift first.

You may be eye candy for the ladies, but you aint no true pirate prettyboy. To quote a Survivor pirate named Chris, you got the frame but not the brain!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by agman on 06-05-07 at 04:03 PM
duh...what?????...Oh now I get it that wazza insult right????See ya don't slide nothing past me......If I could just remember what my name is.....duh...

Keelhauled by tribe


"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by Bravehart on 06-07-07 at 02:53 AM
Avast Mates!

I's been busy wi da kin (me son and a daughter a few weeks apart) tyin da knots and all....till July 10th of this year of our riches. Please forgive this Capn of some time.

De Black Spot has been thrown to John, a good mate ah bye, be ye safe from Davey!

As fer the rest o' this miserable lot....I's be de only mate who's knows how ta run dis ship! I've be sellin on da land and knows how to parts a mate from 'is dubloons! Dey all be mine in da end!

Dat hornswaggler/mutineer Louie is a picaroon fer sure!

Ben is sure footed fer Jabob's ladder to be known! Christian was slag.

May we overthrow da rich JD fer da Capn wi da locks!

Arrr be darr me matees!

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by sporkman on 06-07-07 at 11:31 AM
AAARRRRRRGGGG!!
Don't be talkin' 'bout me! I don't want no scallywags knowin' 'bout me! Though I be wearin' an officer's kit, think no more of me then ye do off the seagulls that circle 'round the ship.
AAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!!

***Runs off screaming and hides in the captain's room***


"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by piratepolly on 06-07-07 at 12:26 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-07-07 AT 12:36 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 06-07-07 AT 12:26 PM (EST)

Look at his shoes! Look at his shoes! AWWKKKK!


Polly not a race traitor! Polly never think about seagulls! Never think about their thin elegant beaks! Never think about their delicate white and gray feathers, their rounded knee knobs! Never think about their cheerful call, their unbridled passion for white bread crusts! Never!

Polly need a cold shower...

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by Bravehart on 06-07-07 at 01:08 PM
Me hears you won't be wearin dat kit fer long mate! Watch yer back....

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by sporkman on 06-07-07 at 01:39 PM
Ye can't give me the black spot if ye can't find me!

***Hides under the Captain's bed***
"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by vince3 on 06-07-07 at 01:54 PM
LAST EDITED ON 06-07-07 AT 04:16 PM (EST)

Dude, something to consider:

We're about to go on the second treasure hunt. If they have us draw for colors again and you end up on the losing side? You're guaranteed to not be an officer anymore! I don't know what they're gonna do about the extra person on the boat, are they gonna have uneven teams? Have the captain, me, sit out? Someone draws the sit out marble?

And then, the winning team. Do they decide a new captain who chooses new officers? I'm still captain, but they choose new officers? I dunno.

I dunno. Amazing what you find in the captain's cabin for reading material, isn't there?

I've so far found Rudy B.'s "I dunno" book and Rupert's "How to be America's Sweetheart". I think I saw something about "Snakes and Rats" by a Sue H. and something about "How to pay taxes on winnings" by a Richard H........ Hmm. Maybe they got "How to teach an elephant to climb trees" or something like that by Yul......


pay taces? Oy.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by sporkman on 06-07-07 at 03:54 PM
Hey Cap'n JD. I didn't see you sitting at your desk when I ran in here. If anyone's looking for me, tell them you haven't seen me. Hiding under your bed may be the only way I can stay under the radar.

Have you found the Pirate Master rule book in that pile of books? Who says someone has to sit out? How do we know it will be just two teams of pirates, why not three teams or even four teams? If you do find the rule book, I bet you 1/2 a $20 gold piece that on the last page it says:
"the producer has the right to change or add rules any time he feels like it.()"
Yes, I even believe he would add the sticking-out-tongue emote to the end of the rules.


Shhh! I think I hear someone at the cabin door. Remember, you haven't seen me.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by dreamerbeliever on 06-07-07 at 04:02 PM
Arr I didn't know the captain could read, maybe there were pretty pictures to look at.

If you keep looking in that library you may find Brian H's "Hunting Puppies". Very informative book on how to stalk that elusive predator and it also has a great chapter on how to take a beating from a woman.

"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by agman on 06-07-07 at 04:29 PM
>Arr I didn't know the captain
>could read, maybe there were
>pretty pictures to look at.

Arrrggghhh, captain can't read matey. That be the reason the barnacle brain has books with pictures in em. arrrrrgggghhh



Keelhauled by tribe


"RE: Be The... Pirate Master 1.1"
Posted by vince3 on 06-07-07 at 04:33 PM
Pot.Kettle.Black


"HEY!!!"
Posted by RudyRules on 06-07-07 at 06:27 PM
How do I get me one of them fancy pirate sig-pics!

Argghhhh!


"Them people had to be pretty dumb to make their camp in a riverbed." - Rudy Boesch

"Rudy!!!"
Posted by Sunny_Bunny on 06-07-07 at 07:34 PM
How's my favorite Beagle man?

go to this link, and tell Tribe you would like to be a pirate.


"RE: Rudy!!!"
Posted by RudyRules on 06-07-07 at 07:40 PM
Thanks my favorite Bunny!


"Them people had to be pretty dumb to make their camp in a riverbed." - Rudy Boesch