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"Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by kingfish on 09-21-09 at 08:51 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-22-09 AT 09:20 AM (EST)


Location: Loser Island.

Inmates: Losers. You. And I.

Prospects: None. All is Lost.

We were bad, and this is our punishment.

This year you get no points. You are losers, so you’re been banished to the Lowest Loser Institution in Outer Siberia.

All points are the property of the State. They are confiscated before you receive them. To own points is a crime against the State. Penalties are severe.

The state is all powerful, you are the inmates. You also run the institution, but the state is too chinchy to pay anyone to do it, so you get no pay. No points, no fancy symbols, all is dreary, the only color besides a puke shade of gray in this somber place is teal, a remnant of some long lost custom no one actually remembers. Our brains are numb, we are automatons, and like all good automatons we obey, we just obey. We are bricks in the wall.

The name of the state is Loser Lodge. There are bars on the windows, coal mines where beaches once existed in prehistoric Loser times, and chains on the wall. The chains are a leftover artifact from when leather clad Amazonian Women ran the show and had fun games like “I’m gonna whip your butt and you’re gonna like it”, “Lick my spike boots and tell me you like it”, and “Your bed is that spiked Rack, and you’re gonna tell me how grateful you are that you’re allowed to sleep on your back”.

You walk to meals of roach soup with a side of rat intestine salad and Maggot bread, head bowed in gratitude for the 20 hour/day 7 day work weeks that it is the pleasure of the State to allow you to work.

Every month you will be required to shower in ice water showers with de-liceing chemicals, followed by nail trimming and hair cuts with a dull axe.

Only one visit to the latrine per week is allowed, which, considering how many bowls of roach soup you won’t be able to keep down, will be more than sufficient.

You will repeat the Mantra “The State is All powerful, the State is All Good, the State is all knowing, I love the state” every hour on the hour.

OK, now that we know the locale of our Lodge this week, and the overwhelming possibilities this place has for hilarious over-the-top-fun and shenanigans, we’re required to sign up. And all losers will detail first:

“What I did I do this year that I deserve this punishment. And what I am willing to do for or give Kingfish in order to get out of this hell hole.

There will be no judging, this will be purely cathartic. Well, we might judge you privately, but aside from a snarky remark or several, no judgments. Unless you break the rules of the state. Then..Brrrr…I can’t help you, nor can I possibly predict what dire fate awaits you.

And, since our old host (what was his name anyway, Tribble?Trisket? Bribe? Trouble From the word Go?) is mysteriously absent this year, we are going to have to take up the reins from week to week, and we’ll have to share those reins. Just PM the weekly host (this week it’ll be me) and volunteer for the next week. At least in this first week, I can’t think beyond one week. First Volunteer gets the job, and I'll pass the extra names to him or her, and send PMS to those concerned with status.

Since for that week you will be the absolute thread-master, anything goes. Anything. Throw the guidelines out the window. Blue Peeps aren't allowed unless they post naked pictures of themselves. Naked pictures of female inmates in intimate poses are also encouraged.

(Actually I just wanted to say that. But the guideline still have to be respected, at least to the extent that we have in the past. This is still RTVW).

The weekly host is responsible for whatever they want to be responsible for. Make up an activity, make up a game, change the climate, relocate the lodge, change the rules, rewrite history, rewrite the future, totally rewrite reality. Anything goes from week to week, and the weekly host is totally in charge. The only rule that is universal is that women are encouraged to disrobe and obey anyone named Kingfish at all times, but even that doesn’t have to be a requirement.

<conscience elf with horns on left shoulder> “Go ahead..make it mandatory..you know you want to…
<conscience elf with wings on right shoulder> “Now now, you know it wouldn’t be right…

OK, its highly encouraged, but not required. (Pesky conscience)

Men are required to kill spiders and be naked volley ball game score keepers. Read that anyway you wish, we can go commander. Or commando.

Oh yes, you are required to volunteer, so don’t try and avoid duty. You won’t like the punishment for that. You may volunteer repeatedly if you wish.

(OK, you don't have to volunteer to be a loser lodge loser. It's open to everyone without any requirement other than you have to be a loser. It would help, however to have a thread, a place to post, so all the volunteer has to do, the only and most basic requirement, is that he or she post the title. After that you're on your own to be as short and sweet or long and boring as you wish. The preference would be medium and witty, but Losers can't be chosers. If you want Graphics added to you post, PM Agman, he's eager to do you a job).

Agman has indicated that he would help with graphics. And, thanks to him, the good news about Loser Lodge this week is...EVERYBODY GETS A SIG PICS...Yeaaaaaaa! As we all know (you can check Ebay auctions if you need proof), Loser Lodge Sigs are the most valuable there are, they go for big bucks. I personally keep mine in a bank safety deposit box, and I'm sure there will be acrimony among my survivors when I die for who gets them.

I don't know if this will fly, but since we've had so much fun in the past letting our cyber-selves go wild, maybe we can keep it going one more year.

Now, get to posting your essay and volunteering for duty, first volunteer will be the first follow up host. This year it's not just a request. It's a demand. Except for Emydi. For her and her sub-doms it a plaintive request from a lowly insignificant spot under their high spiked heels.

I hope this half-baked attempt at keeping the loser tradition alive works.


Tribal art.

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by suzzee on 09-21-09 at 09:35 PM
Half or fully baked attempts are most welcome. Way to go Kingfish . Just a nod and a woo hoo this post but I'll be back to confess my sins.


Filthy Swine!

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-09 at 09:13 AM
You maggot bread will be fully baked this week.
"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by agman on 09-21-09 at 09:58 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-22-09 AT 10:02 AM (EST)

I can make some siggies for this particular installment of the game!


here's one for the ladies. Men's still to arrive a bit later


"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by suzzee on 09-22-09 at 10:52 AM
awesome!

I've been a bad girl

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by Molaholic on 09-22-09 at 10:03 AM
Of course I'll join the fun.

Don't forget, since I teach middle school, there is absolutely no torture that you can devise that will phase me in the least.

If you thought the Gulag was something, come to my 6th period. I dare you.


As for my siggie -- something light and airy, with a kind most-loving and understanding 2nd grade teacher type featuring my personal mantra: "Let's go teach them chil'in'!"


"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by agman on 09-22-09 at 10:45 PM
Okay Mole, go teach them Chil'in!


"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-09 at 09:24 AM
Your fearless leader should have known that tunneling thru coal seams would be fun for a mole, not the torture it was intended to be.

You will instead be sentenced to long days/months/years of having to stand in front of countless screaming children in a fruitless attempt to make them behave and learn something. Occasionally you will also be required to herd them onto long yellow Siberian transports for...

Field Trips
Brew haha!

(I am so evil I amaze myself).

Afterward, everyone is invited over to my house for cookies and punch, and we’ll play charades.

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by Molaholic on 09-25-09 at 06:17 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-26-09 AT 00:34 AM (EST)

Qu'est-ce que c'est "Field Trips"?

Don't you know those things cost money? And schools ain't got that stuff these days ya know.

unless, of course, you know of some kind little pescuito willing to make a donation?


another Agman gem

"No Soup for YOU!"
Posted by jbug on 09-22-09 at 10:36 AM
ewwwwww nasty soup!

I'm tired! too old for this kind of work!

"RE: No Soup for YOU!"
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-09 at 09:16 AM
As a reward for your efforts to spruce up the coal mine with brighter shades of dreary gray, you get desert. And as a special bonus, I won't tell what it's made of.

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by JazzyJax on 09-22-09 at 08:51 PM
...The State is All powerful
...the State is All Good
... the State is all knowing
... I love the state
... ommmmm

King Maximus, I confess my sins. I have the lamest siggie of all time. I am proud of being a big loser. A big big loser. And so far, RusHell is my favorite "character", even if he is a total a$$, and that's a big sin right there.

I'll come back to declare what I'll give you. This kind of butt kissing takes some thought...


Something trashy Agman!

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by agman on 09-22-09 at 10:21 PM
>Something trashy Agman!

You are sooooooooo in luck Jazzy because trashy is my middle name


"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-09 at 09:27 AM
Just because you got great cleavage, you can be my file clerk. And in charge of picking up those pencils I keep dropping.
"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by JazzyJax on 09-27-09 at 04:04 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-27-09 AT 04:09 PM (EST)

Always glad to make the King happy


"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by JazzyJax on 09-27-09 at 03:30 PM

Ahahah! Don't we know it

I like it!

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by Wallflower66 on 09-22-09 at 11:27 PM
I hear the train a comin'
It's rollin' 'round the bend,
And I ain't seen the sunshine,
Since, last season,
I'm stuck in Loser's Prison,
And time keeps draggin' on,
But that train keeps a-rollin',
On down to this hell hole .

When I was just a newbie,
By Yoffer told me, "Hon,
Always bring a good toy,
If you wantta have some fun,"
But I shot agman last season,
Just to watch him die,
When I see his torch not blowin',
I hang my head and cry.

I bet that roach soup I'm eatin',
Out of a filthy, nasty jar,
When we should be drinkin' rum punch,
And smokin' joints in the bar,
Well, ya know we had it comin',
But this just isn't me,
I think we should keep a-movin',
And stop torturing me.

Well, if they freed us from this prison,
If that luxury lodge was ours,
I bet I'd move over a little,
Farther down the line,
Far from Guppy's Prison,
That's where I want to stay,
And I'd give you a whistle,
To blow your Blues away.


"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by agman on 09-23-09 at 00:51 AM
Oh you're such you silly Wallflower,
you thought you shot me dead,
but the man you really shot,
was my first-cousin Fred,

Your shot was so pefect,
it really wasn't hard,
for a loser such as me,
to make you a prison guard!



"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by Wallflower66 on 09-23-09 at 08:34 AM
Thanks, aggie!
I'll hold off on the strip search (for now), since you hooked me up with the new siggie. Unless, that is, you want me to....


"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-09 at 09:45 AM
Yo Babs, Nice Cleavage. (hey, this is turning into a cleavage themed season, always a good thing). I saved you a seat at the head of the chain gang. I need you up here so I can admire that lack of tan line you got last year.

However, strip searches are still required, daily (one can't be too careful), and as head chain gang person your duty is to make sure I haven't smuggled anything in. On my person. Next to my skin. I prefer the lap dance strip search technique as I'm sure you remember.

And you just know that Agman is a smuggler too, so you can't let up there.

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by agman on 09-25-09 at 01:03 AM

>I'll hold off on the strip
>search (for now), since you
>hooked me up with the
>new siggie. Unless, that is,
>you want me to....


When can you start?


"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-09 at 09:21 PM
And Wallis Floweris (her formal name) gets a point for best country song with my name in it.

For a chorus, Ag gets .5 points. Also for the shoutout to my cousin Fred, he doesn't get many shoutouts these days. He's been sick.

(Points? Points? Expect the unexpected)

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by suzzee on 09-23-09 at 08:51 AM
I got this in my travel brochure and um, you are HOT!

My sins: Too numerous to list, the list would take hours to upload.

What I'd do for you: >nudge-nudge-wink-wink< I'll spend a week hosting but not right away, I'm way to chicken to be the first on the guillotine.

Agman: I've been a bad girl and deserve to be here for the duration.




Grrrr It's best to play dead when sock puppets attack

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-09 at 09:58 AM
You have indeed been bad, so bad we've renamed the extra low dungeon after you, since it's possible you will spend the remainder of your life there. The good news is that the new arrivals all have to be processed in thru there, so you get to do that. You assign a dreary number to their dreary selves, advise them that there is no hope, issue everyone neck, wrist, and ankle chains, and layout the daily activity charts for them.

Charts that consist of one activity, of course, and that offer no hope of enlightenment.

On a brighter note, you will be pleased to learn that you are given a tablet and a sharp stick so you can keep score this season.

There is the unacknowledged fact that a sharp stick, coupled with the soft mortar of the lower Dungeon walls might offer an enterprising scribe an opportunity to dig thru to the ancient underground caverns that go no one knows where, but since that fact is unacknowledged, we won’t mention it.

"Excellent bwahahaha !"
Posted by suzzee on 09-24-09 at 11:27 AM
A sharp stick wielding bureaucrat....that will strike fear into the candidates. Now to build my wretched staff and really run things from the Dungeon of Doom. BWAHAHAHA off to work, turn off the lights, I must plan.......


"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by Survivor Maniac on 09-23-09 at 10:14 AM
Looks like fun again! I'll join!

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-09 at 10:04 AM
Consider yourself joined. Chained that is. Chained to a life of unremitting toil, unless of course you can offer up some sort of entertainment for the inmates.

Your choices are painting classes in shades of dreary gray, monotoned poetry recitals, unenthusiastic mumbly-peg (yeah, I don't know what that is either) or interior design using teal and (you guessed it) shades of dreary gray. If a more strenuous activity is your wish, we always need a hand in the chain making foundry, there is an art to making really uncomfortable chaining implements and designing methods of torture, so there is that if that fits your personality.

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by Survivor Maniac on 09-25-09 at 07:45 PM
Any chance I could have a pink chain? Pink and sexy would be awesome!

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by CTgirl on 09-23-09 at 03:50 PM
LAST EDITED ON 09-23-09 AT 03:51 PM (EST)

Dahlink Guppie,

I love ze idea of a Loser Lodge again zis zeeson, but the Goolag? Leetle too Dostoyevsky for moi. No fear, however, I smuggle ze wodka and caviar to ze partee. But I not like ze ice bathes. I tink we move the Lodge out of ze Gulag and into ze sun. I not like fur to cover-up my dress.

Sincerely,
CTgirl Fatale

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-09 at 10:23 AM
Finally. A woman to mach my evilness, I have been running out of evil and cruel ideas, so we must get together for brunch sometime, talk over the old days, rattle the bones as it were. A Vodka and caviar party would be just the thing . I think moving the stalag might be OK, vat do you tink of Devils Island. Or I hear there is a lovely place in San Francisco Bay that might be available?

So..Natasha.. ver you been? Dat picture brinks back zo many memories, not all good, but not all bad. Moose and Squirrel nightmares have become rarer, you might be pleased to learn.

I remember fondly your fur parties. But I shall be discrete.

Vell, it's been nice talkink with you, now report to the lower dungeon, I tink there's an opening in de bat cave (HA, I kill myself). No, really, depending on your cleavage, which I trust is still as spectacular as ever, you will be assigned to some position under me. As a former partner in crime you may be placed immediately under me at least for now.

Dosvedanya!

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by CTgirl on 09-24-09 at 01:36 PM
Nyet! Ver is my vhip? I must azzume da top position.
"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by Kermit the Vixen on 09-24-09 at 10:43 AM
What did I do to deserve this? Honestly, I have no idea. I'm as honest as the day is long, pure as the white driven snow, and innocent as a new born baby.

Would these eyes lie to you?

What would I do to get out of here? Anything... as long as it doesn't tarnish my wholesome reputation.


Sinful is as sinful does.

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by kingfish on 09-24-09 at 07:13 PM
Kermie!

What could a cute little fox like you have done to get thrown in here? Have you been most sinful again?

What? You volunteered? Because you heard the regular gang was coming here? How sweet. And utterly misguided...We love you for your spirit, and I think it may just be rewarded as time goes on.

I know I mentioned there there were no points this year, but I have to award you 1 point for trying. Proud of you girl.

Now change into your Black and White stripey skin tight silk outfit and report to posing duty.

And get your sig from Ag-the-man. Some sort of furry musky foxy scented sig, maybe?

"RE: Loser Lodge XI: Stalag Archipelago: Sign up Thread."
Posted by Kermit the Vixen on 09-24-09 at 07:22 PM
How's this? (This outfit was really a great investment, I must say)


"All right all LL cons............."
Posted by agman on 09-24-09 at 01:29 PM
Please either pm me, or leave your request here on the board for what you would like your LL prison siggie to look like! ....I'm happy to make one for everybody, I just need to know what you want! Thanks, agman the icepick



Slicey kills coach

"Peeks head in door....."
Posted by bystander on 09-24-09 at 07:35 PM
Wow...I take a few seasons off and the place goes to H-E-double hockey sticks in a handbasket (whatever a handbasket is?).

Maybe I should go stand in the corner where I won't be noticed and just be an innocent bystander. Don't want to get caught up in any illicit activities.

Where was that nekkid volleyball?


"for Kermit....."
Posted by agman on 09-24-09 at 10:26 PM

"For Bystander...................."
Posted by agman on 09-24-09 at 11:30 PM

"RE: For Bystander...................."
Posted by bystander on 09-25-09 at 10:10 AM
Perfect! You're the best!
"WTF!?"
Posted by tribephyl on 09-26-09 at 05:53 PM
Stalag? Alcatraz?
Prison time? No sunbathing?
Pain and torture? No points?
Wow. I know losers are losers for a reason but to pile on the humiliation like a chocolate sauce on an otherwise despicable and debaucherous rum-soaked-sundae is perhaps going a bit too far.
Might I suggest a weeks vacay?
In the Yard, moving rocks from one pile to another.

Oh and since this is supposedly the season of the cleavage, make mine the hairy butt kind, please. It's my duty to show my nasty side.

"RE: WTF!?"
Posted by agman on 09-26-09 at 07:35 PM
Hmmmmmm......Hairy butt cleavage?...I'm not sure I can get behind that! That is an original request, butt since I'm not a posterior decorator, I may crack under the pressure!.........Okay, I'll tell ya what I can do so that you feel like I'm backing you on this most over the moon request.....I'll grant you prisons stripes rather than hair!



"RE: WTF!?"
Posted by tribephyl on 09-27-09 at 05:24 AM
Well, at least I'm hung like a horse.


Thanx, ag.