LAST EDITED ON 04-24-12 AT 08:27 PM (EST)

I'd like to visit Mole the Show.

Bob Dylan - Catfish

Lazy stadium night
Moley on the mound.
"Strike three," the umpire said,
Batter have to go back and sit down.

Moley, million-dollar-man,
Nobody can throw the ball like Moley can.

Used to work on Tribephyle's farm
But the Loser wouldn't pay
So he packed his glove and took his arm
An' one day he just ran away.

Moley, million-dollar-man,
Nobody can throw the ball like Moley can.

Come up where the Dodgers are,
Dress up in Survivor suit,
Wearing a custom-made buff,
Says the Lodge is a hoot.

Moley, million-dollar-man,
Nobody can throw the ball like Moley can.

LAST EDITED ON 04-25-12 AT 11:20 AM (EST)

Mainstage Open-Mic Night...

Sung to the tune of KC and the Sunshine Band, Get down tonight!

Moley, mole, let's get together.
Moley, mole, me and you.
And do the things, ah, do the things
That we like to do....
Dig a little hole, make a little burrow,
Get down tonight.
Dig a little hole, make a little burrow,
Get down tonight.
Moley, mole, I'll meet you,
Same place, same time.
Where we can get together,
Share a worm...it's no crime.
Dig a little hole, make a little burrow,
Get down tonight.
Dig a little hole, make a little burrow,
Get down tonight.
Get down, get down, get down, get down,
Get down tonight, Moley!

I decided to attend a taping of my favorite game show,

Where Is Moley?

Hello folks, and welcome to the show, the show where anyone can win a date with Mr. Mole to attend all the Dodger games (Moley will of course be comped gratis), splitting time between the owners sky box and first base field level seats. As a bonus, you will have first dibs an all home run balls. In addition, you will receive signed jerseys by all the ballplayers (including visitors) and all you can eat Dodger dogs and nachos will be furnished by the house and served to you in your seat by your choice of Dodgerette (or two? three? you and Moley will decide, or DodgerDudes, your choice) who may, if you choose, sit with you and Moley and giggle cutely while you explain why baseball is such an interesting and inspirational sport.

Does this sound fabulous? Sound like it's worth going for?

All you have to do is pick the right Mole hole. You see, Moley likes to spend his time doing various things, one of which is

A
indulging in his favorite alcoholic beverage, the Dodger Blue Gin Fizz, in the Watering Hole,

or B
watching his favorite Mole Pole dancer, Darling Darlene do de Dodger Twist at the Mole Pole Show,

or C
performing a function that becomes inevitable when one indulges in Dodger Chili, and when one needs a comfortable place of repose (with a strong vapor elimination fan), the Peeping Mole Pee Hole.

So which will you choose? Where is Moley now? Is he getting potted, or has Darling Darlene got his attention, or is he paying the price for indulging in that fabulous Dodger Chili?

Oops folks it seems that I've used up all the time in describing this wonderful entertainment package that a lucky winner and Mr. Moley will win, so let's cut to the chase. Look under your seats folks, if you are a member of that exclusive resort "Loser Lodge", you WIN IT ALL!!!. In an unprecedented gesture, Oprah Winfrey has pitched in and made this award possible to all existing members of Loser Lodge.

As I left the studio I remembered that mysterious letter from a Nigerian Prince named TribePhil telling me that I had won a membership at Loser Lodge, all I had to do was to send him $10 for shipping and handling.

I ran home, put my check in the mail and hurried over to

HUT CAM! Which (you guess it) is located in Moley's Pee Hole. It does have a 474 Jet engine for a exhaust fan however, after an unfortunate incident in week one. And again, I have to apologize, but boiled cabbage does it to me every time.

A. Loud Mouth: Name 1 survivor who will read aloud tree-mail (or any survivor message). Chelsea

B. No Respite: Name 1 survivor who Loses the Reward Challenge. Troy

C. Icebreaker: Name 1 survivor who is the first to SPEAK at TC. Troy

D. Disposable Vote: Name 1 survivor who is the first to VOTE at TC. kat

E. WITFIAGTVF?: Name the survivor whom Alicia gives her vote to, at Tribal Council? Troy

F. Damaged Goods: Name 1 survivor who Receives the Minority of Votes at TC. Kim

Losing has never known a finer moment than when it stood in the batter's box with
Casey At The Bat
A Ballad of the Republic Sung in 1888

And it has never appeared more appropriately. Because I intended to do a send up of the famous piece of literature for the Molaholic’s Special Episode. That is, I intended to do that after I gave up intending to do a send up of Green Eggs and Ham that substituted LA and Dodgers for the weird breakfast foods. And I gave that up because the further I got into it, the more I remembered just how angry I really was when the team that I had faithfully followed from my earliest memories of baseball had, in my sixteenth year, picked up bag and packed up baggage and turned their back on Brooklyn - and, by extension, my West Virginia hills - to move to Hollywood – for Pete’s sake! Hollywood!

So now I’m 0-2. And we all know how that's going to end.

So there’s that. And there is also the fact that Casey is a Loser of heroic proportions. He is so grandiose a screw-up that you can feel the strike and hear the sun duck for cover from the incoming. Casey is epic.

So, I hope you enjoy the poem, Moley. I know that it is very likely that you can recite its verses. But, I’m sort of glad that I’ve run out of time to alter it because I’ve also run out of inclination. Sometimes arrogance has already been perfected …

The Outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day:
The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play.
And then when Cooney died at first, and Barrows did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, if only Casey could get but a whack at that -
We'd put up even money, now, with Casey at the bat.

But Flynn preceded Casey, as did also Jimmy Blake,
And the former was a pudding and the latter was a flake;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of Casey's getting to the bat.

But Flynn let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
And Blake, the much despis-ed, tore the cover off the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and they saw what had occurred,
There was Jimmy safe at second and Flynn a-hugging third.

Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
For Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile on Casey's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Casey at the bat.

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Defiance gleamed in Casey's eye, a sneer curled Casey's lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And Casey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped-
"That ain't my style," said Casey. "Strike one," the umpire said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted someone on the stand;
And its likely they'd a-killed him had not Casey raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity great Casey's visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew;
But Casey still ignored it, and the umpire said, "Strike two."

"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered “Fraud!”;
But one scornful look from Casey and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Casey wouldn't let that ball go by again.

The sneer is gone from Casey's lip, his teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Casey's blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville - mighty Casey has struck out.

Bonus Lesson
There's a Hole in the Bucket

LAST EDITED ON 04-25-12 AT 04:52 PM (EST)

*taps the michrophone*....Hello, is this thing on! *covers ears while everyone shouts yes!

Okay, and away we go with the Ballad of the MOle.(Sung to the tune of the ballad of gilligan's Isle.

just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a hairy mole,
Who lives on this survivor Isle, inside a great big hole,

This mole is a big Dodger fan,
And he claims the Giants bite,
But the other moles who watch the games,
Say Moley just aint right.

So come and see this mole my friends,
cause he will make you smile,
The dude never changes anything,
so every 21 years he's back in style!!!!!

** tap tap ** Is this thing on? <<feedback>> WHOA!

Ok, so I can't sing and I can't dance, but I am fairly well-known for my stand-up routine. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm actually a little famous. <blushing>

Moley? This one's for you. I hope you are entertained!

Q: What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A: A bunch of Moleasses!

Q: What happens when a mole bites a dog?
A: He becomes Moleicious!

Q: What kind of test do student moles like best?
A: Mole-tiple choice. Get it? MOLE-tiple choice? *ha ha*

Q: What's the mole's favorite college football team?
A: The Florida State Semimoles

Q: Who is the the mole's favorite actor?
A: Mole Gibson!

Q: What's the mole's favorite brand of soda?
A: Coca-Mola!

Q: Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
A: It's mole-itically incorrect!

*SPLAT!* *SPLAT!**SPLAT!*

<wiping tomato off face, running off stage in tears>

*Steps up to the mike*
Let me give a big warm-up song before the main act arrives:

Hate Big Brother forums
They're cold and they're damp
And all the people dressed like monkeys
Let's leave The Bachelor to the Eskimos
That town's a little bit too rugged
For you and me you bad boy

Rollin' down the Imperial Highway
With a big nasty redhead at my side
Santa Ana winds blowin' hot from the north
And we was born to ride

Roll down the window put down the top
Crank up the Beatles baby
Don't let the music stop
We're gonna ride it till we just can't ride it no more

From the South Bay to the Valley
From the West Side to the East Side
Everybody's very happy
'Cause the sun is shining all the time
Looks like another perfect day

I love Mol-lay!. (We love you)
I love Mol-lay! (We love you)

Look at that mountain
Look at Tribe's house
Look at that bum over there, man
He's down on his knees
Look at these Dodgers
There ain't nothin' like 'em nowhere!

Survivor Boulevard (We love it)
Moley's high school (We love it)
Moley's Peewee football stadium (We love it)
The Amazing Race (We love it, we love it)

I love Mol-lay!
I love Mol-lay
(We love you)

And look who just showed up to sing this just for you Moley!

I Love LA!

LAST EDITED ON 04-25-12 AT 11:28 PM (EST)

After a tough day of hearing my 7th graders show just how much they need to learn about what's what, I enjoyed reading (and singing along when possible) all of your terrific posts.

So, here goes:

6th Runner-Up The Groovy Flowerpower

5th Runner-Up Fellow pedagogic provider Agman

4th Runner-Up It's Good to be Green Kermit

3rd Runner-Up That Wonderful Nutmeger CTgirl

2nd Runner-Up Our Knower of All Things Wise & Wonderful DearAbby

1st Runner-Up Miss Congeniality -- Clever-as-all-getout jbug

And

xxxxxThe

xxxxxxxxxxWinner

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxIs

x
x
x
x

BYOFFER

Mucho lurve to tribe 2012