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Original Message
""Be The Survivor" S38, Ep11: "Fasten Your Oxygen Masks""
Posted by RollDdice on 04-24-19 at 10:32 PM

Warthog is on the warpath after his brutal decision to bump off Kelley. He may think that he rules his alliance, but he may also get Joffrey'd.

Gavin, Julie and Victoria may be taking a second look at the Wardog, but Rick may have to work with the bossy law student to move forward, even going as far as saying, "We're each other's biggest threats and only hope." This may or may not be picked up as the next Star Wars spin-off rallying cry.

We'll have to see if alliances hold or if someone will let the Dog out.




Mark "Waiting for my Spa Day" Burnett
Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"GoFundMeKickStarter"
Posted by kingfish on 04-26-19 at 07:12 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-26-19 AT 07:27 PM (EST)

Today I am announcing my GoFundMeKickStarter campaign. Hi, this is your Spoiler Guru, Buzzard Island Spoiler Barry, international philanthropist, and I am desperately in need of lot of money in order to feed the orphans in Fiji. Poor little tykes, look at their eyes, so large and sympathetic, so hungry for a scrap of food this week, flies landing in their eyes and they don’t even blink, and so lost and alone. Won’t you be generous and send all you can to my GoFundMeKickStarter at fund headquarters, c/o Buzzard Island Basher Spoiler Barry. Right hand to God, only the bare minimum expenses will be deducted from the fund for stamps, pencils, pens and ink. And, of course a few other miscellaneous expenses too few to mention.

At least think about it, because if you do, you’ll find that you won’t be able to erase those loveable starving faces from your conscience, they will haunt you forever. As they should, for by avoiding your basic humanitarian responsibilities by neglecting to send me as much money as you can, you will show yourself to be a cad and a bad person, and an enemy of humanity. Like a Nazi. Ask yourself has any Nazi ever helped the poor starving children of Fiji? No, they haven’t. Because they are cads and bad people. And you will be just like those dirty rotten Nazis if you don’t go to the bank, drain your saving accounts, and send it all to:

Buzzard Island Basher Spoiler Barry’s GoFundMeKickStarter Campaign headquarters, LLC.
Tree 167
Crab Alley Road
Buzzard Island
Fiji

Email $$$Barry$$$@Fiji.com

Be sure to include the dollar signs in the address. Plus the dollars in your contribution.

Incentive. For every $10,000 we will send you your choice of a Bob Uecker Beer Koozie (one available), a hermit crab habitat complete with shell and live crab (caveat, or maybe a dead crab, depending on its will to live), or a souvenir dead shark killed by Dave’s E.coli (warning: you should wash your hands after handling E.coli, that stuff can kill you).

Our slogan is “Don’t be a Nazi, be a Yatzi and send me your Money-zi. Please-zi.”
(ed. Kinda cute, right? Credit goes to my student intern personal assistant who has this crazy lip thing going on. No money in it for her, but she does get to turn a disability into a creative outlet).

Meanwhile, thru rivers of tears streaming down my face (tears of sympathy, not, as I have been accused, tears of happiness at watching a scheme come to fruition - and how dare they accuse me of that anyway!) I will present this week’s super supreme spoilers, and not let the bad vibes of detractors shake me from the holy destiny that life has ordained for me. Which is not, I repeat, NOT, to scam people’s money, but to help abandoned orphans of Fiji obtain a basic standard of living. I think that it’s only fair that they should eat at least once a week, don’t you? One bowl of toasted palm frond stew with at least one hermit crab for protein? I also have a plan for orphaned 18-30 y.o. hot mamas with big chi-chis, but that’s a Kick Starter for another day.

And off we go:

Barry’s “Don’t be a Nazi, be a Yatzi” Survivor Spoiler #1: Warthog, a prime example of New York’s semi-intelligent feral porcine population, will root in the jungle sands for any excuse to blame someone besides himself for his abysmal challenge performances. He’s even trying to convince viewers that his failures are “strategic”. His grunting and growling, meant to intimidate his supposed alliance is wearing thin among said alliance, and a pit BBQ may be in the offing for him if he is sent to an EI full of angry and desperately hungry inhabitants. Kelly is already making the sand fly digging a Luau pit.

Warthog’s heading to the wrong platform will be yet another example of Warthog ineptness. Unless of course this also meant to be a “strategic” move.

And if that isn’t enough, there is this last tidbit. He will leave the game muttering that Ron’s vote was the deciding vote against him. That’s his calculation. Well, thanks for your service, Warthog, and I’m sorry the military didn’t make you a normally intelligent person.

Barry’s “Don’t be a Nazi, be a Yatzi” Survivor Spoiler #2: Gavin – sorry, the solar winds from his radiance wiped the hard drive on my computer, I got nothing. Well, almost nothing, he does have a new nick name, “Nightlight”. He and Victoria are the “Glow Twins”.

Barry’s “Don’t be a Nazi, be a Yatzi” Survivor Spoiler #3: Pippi Longstocking...

...aka Victoria, aka the slinky cobra Nagaina - with her stale opal stare and real as shit boobies - is slithering around, looking earnestly in everyone’s eyes, almost promising everyone that she is their friend yet never actually signing a promissory note. Always nurturing a hatred and a willingness to kill, and is just waiting to strike whenever someone offers a vulnerability, such as an exposed jugular or a soft underbelly.

Barry’s “Don’t be a Nazi, be a Yatzi” Survivor Spoiler #4: Momma Reem is back, ready to tuck in her nestlings in at night. Or in the day. And if they object, Mama’s shark grin comes out, along with her shark teeth, and it becomes apparent why she is named Reem. As in what she will do to you. This is one unlovely person, and unless her family back home that she’s so desperate to impress is like the Bumpus family in “A Christmas story”, they are being impressed way differently than she imagines. I only wish she could be voted off a few more times. I think and hope the odds are against her returning to the game.

Barry’s “Don’t be a Nazi, be a Yatzi” Survivor Spoiler #5:
Notice to castaways on Survivor Island: ”Caution, Beach Closure. Due to the septic pollution of the waters around Survivor Island by David the Shit Sprayer, these beaches are closed”.
Fiji EPA

Notice to castaways on Extinction Island: ”Caution, Beach Closure, Due to the septic pollution of the waters around Extinction Island by David the Shit Sprayer, these beaches are also closed”.
Fiji EPA

Barry’s “Don’t be a Nazi, be a Yatzi” Survivor Spoiler #6: Your loyal reporter (me) has just been advised that at low tide, when the land bridge between Extinction Island and Survivor Island was able to be waded, was wadable as it were, the inhabitants of Extinction Island executed a Panty raid on Survivor Island. Apparently they thought that the panties over there were in better condition than those they were wearing when they were booted, sitting in the sand grousing had worn butt-cheek holes in them. And since most of these Einsteins failed to bring their stuff to their respective last TC’s, they also wanted to reclaim their bags. Seems fair, right?

Buzzard Island Basher Barry
Danger zone below when windy

"Association of Certified Fraud Examiners"
Posted by Aruba on 04-27-19 at 07:18 AM
The Association of Certified Fraud Examiners (ACFE) have been called in to investigate the “GoFundMeKickStarter” campaign as an illegal Ponzi Scheme. ACFE was notified after the Better Business Bureau received a complaint from a donor identified as “Michel” who did not receive the Bob Uecker Beer Koozie after pledging his $10,000 donation.

A response from an intern law student who is representing Buzzard Island Spoiler Barry and goes by the name of “Wardog” spoke on his client’s behalf and vehemently denied the Ponzi Scheme allegations claiming the “GoFundMeKickStarter” campaign is set up more as a legalized Pyramid Scheme. Wardog went on to say his client received $10,000 CANADIAN Dolllars from the donor Michel. Given the current exchange rate, Buzzard Island Spoiler Barry has every intention of making good on Michel’s donation and will gladly ship out the Koozie upon receiving an additional $2,600 US Dollars to make up the exchange rate difference. The ACFE is dismissing the intern’s response because Pyramid Schemes require a large number of donors to form a solid base for the “Pyramid” and the Basher Forum would only result in a maximum of two donations. ACFE is currently searching the island of Aruba for a hermit crab habitat owner as a possible second donor.

If convicted, Spoiler Barry could face a maximum of 150 years in Federal Prison. Barry is unconcerned because worse case scenario bunking next to Bernie Madoff at Butner Federal Correctional Institution is far better than 150 hours with Reem on Extinction Island.

Survivor Spoiler #1: Warthdog’s dismal challenge performances ranks second in the history of pathetically embarrassing efforts slightly below Crystal Cox (Gabon) who was just as inept despite being a former US Olympian Gold Medalist. Warthdog need not make any personal excuses because Basher poster Michel has already made more than enough on his behalf from “strategic” moves to theorizing a military injury and doing so at the extent of even challenging our patriotism.

Survivor Spoiler #2: Perhaps focusing on Gavin’s tatoos may minimize any potential radiance from his pasty white skin. Butterface does not pose the same issue due to that darn shirt she’s always wearing...except when she’s standing around during a RC doing nothing.

Survivor Spoiler #3: Very appropriate image of Pippi Longstocking who is NOT making eye contact...resembling Butterface’s inability to look Aubry (who continues to have that uncanny and unexplainable ability to look better and better the longer she suffers, starves and dehydrates from the conditions of Survivor) straight in the eyes at the precise moment Vic plays the only card she has in the game—Lying.

Survivor Spoiler #4: Surprised Michel has not come to Reem’s defense theorizing her “unloveliness” is (you guessed it) a “strategic move” to force everyone into raising the mast so when the Win-back Challenge is ready to commence, she will walk out by herself and get back into the game by default. Truth be told, in the end it all comes down to eight simple words: You are...who you are...who you are!

Survivor Spoiler #5: The verbal diarrhea coming from Reem’s month produces more than enough sewage even without David’s Shit Sprayer. RID-X has signed on as a new CBS Survivor sponsor.

Survivor Spoiler #6: The only panties worth raiding at Vata are Lauren’s. Had Aurora known panty raids were one of the perks on Extinction Island, she might have volunteered to be voted out at the last TC.

"RE: Association of Certified Fraud Examiners"
Posted by kingfish on 04-27-19 at 11:06 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-27-19 AT 11:09 AM (EST)

I would like to thank the ACFE for their diligent efforts to uncover those dastardly attempts to impugn the reputation of and sabotage a very worthy charity. Those poor tykes. They say that a palm frond stew with a dash of hermit crab is a wholesome diet, and it sure is cheap as shit to make. We also deny any and all rumors that a percentage of the donations is being syphoned off to the ACFE for keeping good old Barry out of jail.

BTW, a certain law student intern has now been reassigned to North Korea to turn the infidels there into Baptists. I don't think we'll hear from him for a while.

Also, the ink for that autograph on that Bob Uecker signed Beer Koozie has begun to run, so I'll just have to sign it again I'll get Bob to resign it next time he drops by.

I would like to point out to anyone dissatisfied with the Bonus, that the Hermit crab comes in it's own fish bowl (a genuine old pickle jar, it just floated up on the beach the other day) complete with all the sand they can stand. Down here we got sand and hermit crabs (and palm fronds) out the Ying Yang, plus the Fijian EPA is making us do something with a lot of contaminated beach sand. (Thanks Dave, thanks a freaking lot!). We had planned to sell it to Disney World, but they took one whiff of it, and well, they bailed.

Good thought on Aurora and Lauren panty exchange. Am still thinking on that...


Buzzard Island Basher Barry
Danger zone below when windy

"RE: Association of Certified Fraud Examiners"
Posted by michel2 on 04-28-19 at 04:59 PM
I seem to be constantly on your mind.
"RE: Association of Certified Fraud Examiners"
Posted by Aruba on 04-30-19 at 06:55 PM
AHHH, well...like...yeah; in the Basher Forum you (and Kingfish) are “constantly on my mind.” Are there any others in here vying for my attention? LMAO!
"RE: Association of Certified Fraud Examiners"
Posted by michel2 on 04-30-19 at 10:42 PM
But your post was in response to Kingfish. I wasn't even involved in it yet you had the need to include me.
"RE: Association of Certified Fraud Examiners"
Posted by Aruba on 05-01-19 at 05:35 AM
When the three of us made a conscious decision to participate in this season’s Be the Survivor, any one of us becomes “fair game” on this thread regardless who is replying to whom.

Your confused interpretation of the Anti-Darwin Syndrome replying to a Kingfish post clearly is in reference to me. As you did on another reply in this thread specifically stating “Aruba.” And that’s perfectly fine because that's what I thought the concept of the “Be the Survivor” thread was all about.

"RE: GoFundMeKickStarter"
Posted by michel2 on 04-28-19 at 05:09 PM
Soory, I'll pass on your charity. If Survivor cannot show us any locals then maybe the whole thing isn't filmed in Fiji at all.

Spoiler #1: Funny how War Dog was considered a huge threat even if he couldn,t win a single challenge. I guess it's the anti-anti-Darwin Syndrome!!

Spoiler #2: If you got nothin' then it's not a spoiler. Have you ever had somethin'?

Spoiler #3: That's what she says but what has she done lately?

Spoiler #4: We've wasted enough time on that ugly person.

Spoiler#5: Could you repeat that?

Spoiler #6: Panty raids? This show has really gone downhill.

"RE: GoFundMeKickStarter"
Posted by kingfish on 04-28-19 at 08:43 PM
LAST EDITED ON 04-28-19 AT 08:56 PM (EST)

Giving to charity and helping hungry little orphans is a choice, and refusing to share in the largess you, you who had the luck of the draw to be born in a wealthy country take for granted, is a choice you can make. That is, if you happen to be a remorselessly cold hearted ungenerous person with not one iota of compassion. (It's still not to late to give - plenty of hermit crab/pickle jar terrariums left).

The boat designs and drivers are Fijian, as are the medicos and staff. And if you are attentive, you can deduce from the movements of the sun and corelate that to the time showing on Jeff's watch, that their location fits the Longitude and Latitude of the Fiji island chain. (Bet you didn't think to check that, did you?)

1. Even after 11 weeks after watching his abysmal challenge performances, most people would catch on to his inability to compete. Being first to drop in the endurance challenges, and heading for the wrong platform on that RC was pretty indicative to most normally intelligent people. Anyone left on the island or in the viewing audience that thinks otherwise is a lamebrain.

2. Oh man, you're in a bad mood today. Take a breath. I hope you don't own a pet, the Canadian ASPCA might have to confiscate it in order to protect it from being kicked.

3. She lays in wait, motionless until prey passes, then she strikes. Such is her reptilian nature. You did get that that was the metaphor, right? (Nagaina is the menacing female cobra in Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, but don't worry if you didn't get that, not everybody has read Rudyard Kipling's Jungle Book stories, one of the most widely published authors of all time).

4. I kinda of agree with that. Except that she's such a ugly person, it's almost our duty to spend at least a little time on her.

5. I actually did, as did the Fijian EPA for each island.

6. Totally agree.

Buzzard Island Basher Barry
Danger zone below when windy

"RE: GoFundMeKickStarter"
Posted by michel2 on 04-28-19 at 10:12 PM
Hey! How bad can it be living in Fiji? You should think of those kids living in squalor in both of our countries. However, If you fly me to Fiji, I'll go help those kids personally.

So many things on this "reality TV" show are fixed, don't you think Jeff could change the time on his watch?!! Anyway, determining the location's longitude would only work if the show was airing live.

#1- I'm not disputing the fact that he was horrible in challenges but you can't dispute the fact that he was considered the biggest threat out there.

#2- I'm actually in a great mood and reading you write that you've got nothin' added to my joy.

#3- You know, when a creature is laying motionless it could be that it's not dangerous at all.

#4- If you feel it's your doody, then go hold her hand but I'll pass.

#5- I know.

#5- I know.

#6- Do you remember when we had those rewards where the winning team was allowed to raid the other tribe's belongings? It used to be funny scenes. Why have they dropped that idea?

"RE: GoFundMeKickStarter"
Posted by kingfish on 04-29-19 at 11:25 AM
LAST EDITED ON 04-29-19 AT 01:06 PM (EST)

You pay for the ticket. As an additional incentive, I'll reduce the required donation for the Hermit Crab Shelter bonus to $500, and you get free palm frond leaf stew for a week. The frond leaves will be fresh and still on their stalk, you get the pleasure of food preparation.

You've never taken a course in navigation, have you? If you ever find yourself floating in the middle of the ocean, sit still, maybe someone will happen by.

1. Aurora (who is, IMO, the biggest actual threat), Devin, Joe, Aubrey, David, Ron, Kelly, and others have at different times been considered "the Biggest Threat". Usually, and especially in the case with Warthog, it's hyperbole and just a reason to point the finger at someone other than oneself. He stands out because of his loud mouth and bossiness, not because he's the biggest threat in the minds of the others. And, of course, with our front row seat to the game, his ineffectiveness is hard to miss. For most of us.

Plus, as if regularly being first to drop out of endurance challenges isn't enough, (caps on purpose> HE SWAM TO THE WRONG PLATFORM!!!).

2. Bringing joy to those unencumbered with a sense of humor is one of the things I take pride in doing. So you're welcome.

3. Or, it could be a reptilian strategy. You know, cold blooded and evily calculating? You've been consistently missing that reference. Also, dig out your library card, I think you'd enjoy reading Kipling sometime. He comes with high recommendations.

4. It's our duty, but you're right, it feels like doody. Well put.

5. and 6. It's against the law in Fiji to make fun of their warning signs. It's also against their law to make fun of those of us who are pointing out those signs in the interest of civic duty. They feel that since these signs are protecting the public from hazardous wastes, that everyone should pay them the proper respect. But of course, you are free to sling your misguided and disrespectful barbs from the safety of your home, thousands of miles away. Be forewarned however, there is an extradition treaty between Canada and Fiji. No, I won't rat you out, but this column is pretty widely read worldwide. They are probably reading this as we speak.

7. Barry’s “Don’t be a Nazi, be a Yatzi” #7; The biggest threat in the game will bring it back. Although it may be a mistake, I think we both will enjoy seeing that again.

Buzzard Island Basher Barry
Danger zone below when windy

"RE: GoFundMeKickStarter"
Posted by michel2 on 04-29-19 at 02:48 PM
>You pay for the ticket. As
>an additional incentive, I'll reduce
>the required donation for the
>Hermit Crab Shelter bonus to
>$500, and you get free
>palm frond leaf stew for
>a week. The frond leaves
>will be fresh and still
>on their stalk, you get
>the pleasure of food preparation.

You're quite cheap, I see.


>You've never taken a course in
>navigation, have you? If you
>ever find yourself floating in
>the middle of the ocean,
>sit still, maybe someone will
>happen by.

Yes, because trying to swim to reach someone is such a better idea.

>1. Aurora (who is, IMO, the
>biggest actual threat), Devin, Joe,
>Aubrey, David, Ron, Kelly, and
>others have at different times
>been considered "the Biggest Threat".
>Usually, and especially in the
>case with Warthog, it's hyperbole
>and just a reason to
>point the finger at someone
>other than oneself. He stands
>out because of his loud
>mouth and bossiness, not because
>he's the biggest threat in
>the minds of the others.
>And, of course, with our
>front row seat to the
>game, his ineffectiveness is hard
>to miss. For most of
>us.

The players themselves have called him the biggest threat and even Jeff pointed directly to him saying it must not feel good hearing that they are going after big threats. Until he made the stupid mistake of going for Kelley, War Dog was VERY effective.

As for Aurora, she'll make it to F3 but she's NOT a threat to win at all.


>Plus, as if regularly being first to drop out of endurance challenges isn't enough, (caps on purpose> HE SWAM TO THE WRONG PLATFORM!!!).

True but he still got to his own at the same time as Ron so no harm, no foul.


>2. Bringing joy to those unencumbered
>with a sense of humor
>is one of the things
>I take pride in doing.
>So you're welcome.

If you are proud when people laugh at you then I'll do it more often.

>3. Or, it could be a
>reptilian strategy. You know, cold
>blooded and evily calculating? You've
>been consistently missing that reference.
>Also, dig out your library
>card, I think you'd enjoy
>reading Kipling sometime. He comes
>with high recommendations.

I could receommend many of the French authors I enjoyed when I was a child. As fine as it probably is, I think I'm passed the age for kids book though.

>4. It's our duty, but you're
>right, it feels like doody.
>Well put.

Thank you.

>5. and 6. It's against the
>law in Fiji to make
>fun of their warning signs.
>It's also against their law
>to make fun of those
>of us who are pointing
>out those signs in the
>interest of civic duty. They
>feel that since these signs
>are protecting the public from
>hazardous wastes, that everyone should
>pay them the proper respect.
>But of course, you are
>free to sling your misguided
>and disrespectful barbs from the
>safety of your home, thousands
>of miles away. Be forewarned
>however, there is an extradition
>treaty between Canada and Fiji.
>No, I won't rat you
>out, but this column is
>pretty widely read worldwide. They
>are probably reading this as
>we speak.

This column is read in the USA, Canada and on the little island republic of Aruba but that's about it. But hey! extradition is a free trip to Fiji, isn't it? We've come full circle so I'll stop here.

"RE: GoFundMeKickStarter"
Posted by kingfish on 05-01-19 at 08:45 PM
Just being economical. And you’re just now noticing that about me? You’ve been reading this for years now, and you’re just now noticing. Oy vey! No wonder you can't see Warthog's ineptitude.

Good idea. Swim. With no idea which way to go, just swim. Well, my advice would be to just stay in the boat. Or maybe to pick up a few fundamental celestial navigation tips before you go to sea, never can tell when/if they would come in handy. But you probably know better. Yeah, you should just swim.

1. I’ll put my money on Aurora if you put your money on Warthog. And no, they call him the most annoying, not threating. You didn’t listen to Gavin’s, Lauren’s or Aurora’s confessionals? Or the jury’s hysterical reaction (especially Kelly’s) to his ouster? Or were you putting your fingers in your ears and going la la la la? Because, of course, you are in love with Warthog.

He annoyed the heck out of all of them, but, like most of us after witnessing his comical challenge performances, no one really thought he was any kind of threat.

2. It would be a welcome change.

3. If you are ashamed to admit you don’t have a library card, you can get the books cheap on Amazon. Some are available for free. They’ll even deliver it to your door or electronically if you have a reader, and there’s probably an audio edition if you can’t be bothered to move from your recliner or open your eyes.

Not being inclined to read the works of world-famous authors, either now or as a child is a choice you seem to enjoy defending. That’s much too literal a take of the “ignorance is bliss” concept. Well OK then. OK. I don’t get it, but that’s your prerogative. Enjoy your ignorance.

5. & 6. You conveniently forgot about our Indonesian, English, South American, and Australian board members. Not to mention the massive hoard of lurkers out there. That pretty much circles the globe. But it’s that Special Rendition Squad from Aruba that should be what causes you the biggest worry. Advice? When they come knocking, don’t resist. Lay flat on the floor, begin crying, and beg them not to hurt you. That usually works for me.


Buzzard Island Basher Barry
Danger zone below when windy

"RE: GoFundMeKickStarter"
Posted by Aruba on 04-30-19 at 07:00 PM
>Spoiler #1: Funny how War
>Dog was considered a huge
>threat even if he couldn,t
>win a single challenge.
>I guess it's the anti-anti-Darwin
>Syndrome!!


Having a pathetically inept challenge performer embarrassment being able to advance deeper in the game and possibly be given the win is not an “anti-anti Darwin Syndrome.” It IS a byproduct of THE Anti-Darwin Syndrome.