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Thread Number: 3175
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Original Message
"Back to basics."
Posted by Estee on 09-30-05 at 09:51 AM
LAST EDITED ON 09-30-05 AT 01:54 PM (EST)

Since the spoilers seem to be having so much trouble with this season, I thought we'd better review the things we know are going to happen before we go back to predicting what could happen.

Jeff, who loves to hear the sound of his own voice, will waste at least a minute doing a completely pointless recap.

There will be a four-act structure. Generlly, half the contestants will not appear in the fourth act.

At least two minutes will be used up in shots of local wildlife. This represents the fact that the contestants did nothing during the entire filming period which was interesting enough to fill two minutes.

Jeff will not start the reward challenge unless the tribes really and truly want to know what they're playing for. Plus they have to clap their hands and say they believe in fairies.

Somebody will go home. Or to Sequesterville. Or Loser Lodge. Or Jeff's giant freezer chest.

There's always at least one dissenting vote against the ouster.

Anyone with a lit torch is still in the game. Anyone with a lit body is probably Michael Skupin.

Some aspect of a challenge will try to reflect either the native culture or the history of the region. It will fail dismally. This will not prevent the producers from trying again in future episodes. And again. And again. And again.

All contestants are idiots until proven morons.

Jeff throws away all the player votes while he's supposedly tallying them, then puts in his own pre-forged parchment slips so he can get rid of whoever he feels like dumping. To date, no one has noticed.

The secret goal of every contestant is to get on Celebrity Poker Showdown. They will stop at nothing to achieve this.

At some point, someone will whine about how much weight they've lost. This will always include two pounds that have gone missing from the interior of their skull.

Despite popular demand, the power of mass prayer, and the potential ratings spike, no one will die. This includes Jeff.

Ulong still sucks.

Next?

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"Someone will"
Posted by moonbaby on 09-30-05 at 10:58 AM
call someone else a liar.

"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by noliferealityfan on 09-30-05 at 01:41 PM
oh.. and Steph will whine about losing all the time and how much better she is than everyone else!

(only applies to the current and last season - SHOULD just apply to LAST season!)

"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by Tahj on 09-30-05 at 03:51 PM
oh.. and Steph will whine about losing all the time and how much better she is than everyone else!

You forgot......"even if she wins the challenge."



Moves courtesy of Syren

"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by HistoryDetective on 09-30-05 at 02:04 PM
Jeff will not start the reward challenge unless the tribes really and truly want to know what they're playing for. Plus they have to clap their hands and say they believe in fairies.

Is it enough if they just believe in Rafe?


courtesy of Seana and Syren - thanks gals!
journal

"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by fedcamper on 09-30-05 at 02:11 PM
Or Brian?
"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by Tahj on 09-30-05 at 03:52 PM
or HD?


Moves courtesy of Syren

"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by Max Headroom on 09-30-05 at 02:15 PM
Jeff will show off his tape-watching prowess by asking loaded, pointed questions at Tribal Council.

Jeff will assume a "majestic" pose at some point during the episode.


"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by mrc on 09-30-05 at 03:25 PM
Jeff will not start the reward challenge unless the tribes really and truly want to know what they're playing for. Plus they have to clap their hands and say they believe in fairies.

Hee, hee!

A PhoenixMons(ter) Creation

"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by okaychatt on 09-30-05 at 08:37 PM
Someone will look directly at the camera and piously say, "I'm playing this game with my integrity intact."

At that point, the audience will have the opportunity to interact with the players by vomiting in conjunction with the male survivors.


Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by HistoryDetective on 10-02-05 at 05:05 PM
Someone will look directly at the camera and piously say, "I'm playing this game with my integrity intact."

Maybe Morality Maggie will get a chance to play Survivot some day now that she won Big Brother.


I'm nuts for Nutz ... and Syren too.
journal

"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by okaychatt on 10-02-05 at 07:27 PM
<Morality Maggie

Aw geez - just when I thought it was safe to venture back onto the RTW boards, you had to go and mention the Maggot.


Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

"RE: Back to basics."
Posted by Dakota on 09-30-05 at 10:39 PM
There will be a twist.

There will be at least two players who prompt the American public to say in unison, time zone by time zone, like a verbal "wave" : HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED THIS SHOW?

Estee, although you're synopsis is both hilarious and true, I must admit that the local wildlife is almost always more interesting than the Survivors. Except for the snake. The snake means something, but I think it might mean different things each season. And if I took notes, I'd put it all on Spoilers. But mark my words, people, the snake means something. Every.Time. Now the Howlers? They're just cool. And they don't like the hairless ones in their back yard. Not.One.Bit.
Charter Member: Club Anti-DAW


"And sometime in the first...."
Posted by Spanky68 on 10-03-05 at 00:06 AM
quarter of the season, the survivor I most like to look at will be voted off. Alas, poor Dolly, we hardly knew ye.


Keep the faith, sweetie.