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"****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by dangerkitty on 10-25-02 at 04:55 PM
LAST EDITED ON 10-25-02 AT 10:24 PM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 10-25-02 AT 06:38 PM (EST)

****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand: Episode 6

Banana, Balls, and Booted B's

Previously, on Survivor!

Somehow I missed the Suck Guy sequence; I’m sure it was fascinating.

On Chewy Gum: Ted and Brian swear fidelity, The boat gets lost at sea, They win immunity.

SUCK GUYS, DAY 16

Robb stares out to sea, looking despondent.

Robb: I feel like such an underdog!

Robb says that Penny told him that she was never thinking of voting for him, but he says that Ken told him that Penny told him that she was voting for either him or Steph. Neener neener neener.

Penny narrates in a head cheerleader, control freak kinda way.

We get the Robb-Kenn confrontation right off the bat:

Robb: Bleep! Bleep bleep bleep!!

Kenn: Bleep bleep! Staff! Staff! Bleepin’ bleep!

Robb: Trust is instilled early! Bleep!

Kenn: Bleepidy bleep! You’ve got some set of balls! Bleep!

Don’t knock it, Ken, that’ll come in handy at RC.

Robb: Bleep! I’m not bleepin’ stupid! Oh, wait….whatever.

CHEWING GUMS, DAY 16

Jan: Boo hoo! I hate that the boat is gone!

Ted, the boat loser, frets over the swimmers from his safe berth on shore.

News flash from Helen: the boat is gone. Boat, boat, boat. Thank you, Helen.

Helen: My face may never launch a thousand ships, but it sure sent one screaming away in terror.

Ted pleads with the boat to return. The boat refuses to take his calls and files a restraining order.

The boys suspect that a distant island has captured their boat. They swim off to rescue Princess Betsy from it’s evil clutches, as foretold by the Uncle BIL spoiler. Helen, ever the bearer of old news, informs us that they are not good swimmers.

Brian: Breast stroke! Breast! Stroke! Stroke! Oh, YEEESSSS!!!!! <Boomchickabowow>

Fortunately, a camera crew is nearby to catch every drop of action.

Ted: I’m swimming better every day. I’m at whale speed now.

Whales all over the world file lawsuits for defamation of character.

Clay: The more we swam, the farther away that island got. I think it’s avoiding me.

SUCK GUYS

The camera zooms in on the chickens - Robb’s only friends.

Robb: Cover me! I’m going for a banana!

He tenderly fondles the bananas in their sack, choosing one with just the right firmness. Stunned by his audacity, the rest of the tribe gathers to discuss his banana-grabbing ways. They had all agreed not to touch their bananas. Robb can suck down thirty bananas a day; Penny can’t hope to match that. Ken and Jake offer to tutor her.

Ken is appointed Banana Cop.

Kenn: You can’t have no bananas!
You can’t have no bananas today!

Robb: (despondently) I’m hungry! I don’t have to ask permission to eat a banana!

Kenn: You do if it’s MY banana! No one touches my banana before it’s ripe!

Shii Ann, cocky now in her strong position as just-barely-above-Robb-in-the-pecking-order, piles on. Penny sternly reminds her that she was not given permission to speak.

REWARD CHALLENGE

The following is a montage of near-verbatim Jiffy Probe quotes:

JP: Each tribe will select one “member” to be the ball launcher. The other four “members” will be out in various "positions" on the beach, paired up with “members” of the other tribe. Catch the balls launched by your ball launcher. That’s how you "score." At the same time, you’re trying to stop the other tribe from catching their balls. You can also swap "positions."

Back to the made-up stuff:

Jiffy Probe: Grab a pair of balls, pull back hard on the shafts, shoot towards your partners, and make sure I can see it!

Brian: Ooh, this sounds like my kinda game! <Boomchickabowow>

Robb is a whiz at this challenge. Must be all that practice holding the martini glass while the head bartender drops an olive into it. Meanwhile, Clay demonstrates the wrong way to…well, he just demonstrates wrongness in general.

Speaking of wrong, we get a shot of Erin’s boobs that make Sarah’s funbags look positively natural.

Robb is busy grabbing everyone’s balls, until Ted is sent in to start working him over. Once Ted starts knocking Robb’s balls around, it looks like he might grind out a victory for the Chewies. Until….

Time out, Suckies! Penny steps from the cheerleading sidelines right into the huddle, and with Dan Fouts-like fire in her eyes, commands her troops.

Penny: Hush, children, right now! I’m gonna shoot hard right up the middle, and I want all of your butts in there with your balls in a basket!

More JP quotes:

JP: Lots of action there, but no score. Brian takes out a pole! <Boomchickabowow> Getting hot… We’re all tied up, guys, next ball wins!

It’s down to the final ball. Penny and Helen each yank hard on their ball-launchers, and while the Chewy’s shot dribbles harmlessly down the beach, Ken rams his ball home. The Suckies win, and come together in satisfaction.

Jiffy Probe: Robb, in spite of being the underdog, you carried the team. Surely they can’t vote you off now.

CHEWY GUMS

Ted: I hate losing. Especially when I give 100 million percent, which is not an exaggeration for a guy my size. It’s no one person’s fault, certainly not Clay’s. Please don’t anyone take my grinding on you out there personally, it’s just the game, and besides, I thought you were my wife.

SUCK GUYS - REWARD FEAST

What do you suppose the first thing they said when they saw the food was, huh? Go on, just guess. If you guessed “OH MY GOD!!!!”, well… you’re right!!!

Penny: This tea is so good, I’m drinking it like it’s milk.

The only sense I can make out of this statement is that she’s bucking for the coveted “Got Milk?” Spokesperson status.

Robb: Wow, clean plates, forks, and napkins to wipe our faces with! Here, Shii Ann, let me teach you how to use them. Not that I’m a big prissy boy or anything.

Penny: If we could give out an MVP award, Robb would get it. Instead, we’ll give him the MBP - Most Bootable Person.

Hey, don’t forget Mouthy Banana Pilferer, Moronic Bolt Piercing, and Most Bleeped Phrases.

They all agree that this morning was ridiculous, silly and retarded.

And that would make it different from any other moment since this show started, exactly how?

Shii Ann: For a teensy second, it was almost like we could pretend that we didn’t totally hate each others guts. It was nice.

CHEWY GUMS - DAY 17

The boys are anticipating the merge. They pull out their calculators and slide rules to figure out complicated equations like, if they lose the next IC and then merge, how many players would each tribe have? Little do they know that their high-functioning math conversation is preparing them for the next challenge.

Brian and Ted describe their alliance in detail, which dooms it to failure. They feel that Clay may suspect something. Really? You mean the fact that they shush each other and stop talking whenever he walks up might have given something away? Nah.


SUCK GUYS

Now comes perhaps the most heavy-handed foreshadowing and imagery ever seen on a Survivor episode. As Robb and Kenn hike together, Robb waxes philosophical about all he has learned, all he appreciates about his experience, and his awe at being here in this amazing place. Meanwhile, snakes are everywhere. Snakes in trees, snakes on the path, snakes snakes snakes. Robb even finds a snake skin and shows it to Kenn, failing utterly to grasp the basic symbolism of the moment.

Actual quotes from Robb:

“Ken and I really squashed the beef.”

“He made me make sense of myself, and not many people have done that.”

Back to the made-up stuff (or is it?):

Robb: I’m savoring this one banana that my big brother let me have…

Kenn: You’re welcome.

Robb: …and this water that tastes like warm piss.

Kenn: You’re welcome again.

CHEWY GUMS

Jan: We have to have a funeral for this dead baby bat!

Helen: At first I thought, thank God, Clay has finally succumbed. But then I realized it was actually a slimy bat embryo thing, much more attractive than Clay.

Brian: She named it “Oscar.” I was once in a movie where my “co-star” was named Oscar - Oscar M. Wiener - so I immediately thought they might like to eat it.

I’d like to comment on Jan’s habit of bending straight over at the waist, or the way her bathing suit was riding up in the front, but I’m trying desperately to get those images out of my mind.

Jan: (sobbing as she buries the bat) Ah thought Ah finally had me an alliance!

TREE MAIL!

This episode title
Is The Power of One
So you’d better think clearly
Or your time here is done

Whoever decides
Which flags you are choosing
Had better be right
Or the idol you’re losing

Clay: This immunity is Extremely Important. It’s Extremely Important that We Win Immunity, because if we don’t, we’ll be picked off by the other tribe after the merge. No one wants to see that! Right? Right?

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Jiffy Probe: It’s a simple math challenge. <at which point I lost consciousness>

In a stunning move, the Suckies have Robb sit out the mental challenge.

And if there’s anything less funny than a math challenge, it’s a math challenge without Duuuude in it.

We are treated to the high drama of various survivors picking up various numbers of flags, and their futile efforts to do math in their heads. Riveting.

Shii Ann’s legendary smarts fail her, as she has to plead with the mental giants on her tribe to “help her think.” Perhaps she shouldn’t have had that second helping of chicken brains.

It turns out that Clay is the smartest person on the island. I think that statement speaks for itself.

Chewy Gum wins the not-at-all-biased Immunity Challenge!

SUCK GUYS - NIGHT 17

In a totally unrelated note, Tribal Council is not that same night. Isn’t TC usually the same night as IC? So the Suckies were drinking wine the night before the mental challenge IC, plus eating lots of fly-infested native food on weakened digestive systems. And now they have this night and all the next day together before going to TC. Plus a large amount of wine. Hmmm…a suspicious person might think that MB wanted the Suckies to be hungover, sleepy, and sick to their stomachs at the challenge, then have extra time and wine to either get sloppy drunk and make up, or sloppy drunk and fight.

Robb: My mind has been opened! I care about life so much! And bananas! Oh, how I cherish bananas!

Erin: He made all of us think, even me. Ow.

Robb: I used to only care about money and getting wasted. <takes a swig of wine>

All the Suckies have cathartic emotional outbursts about their love for each other and for “Skateboard Freak.” If saccharine blatherings uttered during a drunken sobfest could be bleeped out, we wouldn’t have heard a word. I think the CBS censors have their priorities all wrong.

Shii Ann, in the same spirit of honesty as her TC declaration that she loves this tribe, tells Robb that he’s a “really, really good guy.” Wow, I’m all choked up.

SUCK GUYS - DAY 18

Shii Ann informs us that, in spite of last night, they're still the Hate Tribe. Wah, and I was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside! Can’t we cuddle just a little while longer?

Jake: We love you, thanks for giving your ultimate for us. <CRAAAACK!!!!>

Shii Ann: Yeah, he caught a lot of balls, but too bad. Oh, you were talking to the chicken.


TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jiffy Probe: <beaming like a proud papa> You’re far less irritating to me than you were three days ago!

Erin: <she said a lot, I don’t remember any of it>

JP: Penny. The tone changed after the IC loss.

Penny: Yes, I went from bossy head cheerleader to bossy-but-sensitive head cheerleader.

JP: Robb. What’s it like for you, being the despondent underdog?

Robb: It was hard to watch them lose the challenge that’s getting me booted.

JP: I’m delighted at your experience, because I won my bet with MB. He was sure you’d be obnoxious brawling drunks, not sappy weepy drunks. See, he doesn’t rig everything.

Erin launches into another lengthy monologue. Remember when we were wondering if she could form a complete sentence? Don’t you miss those days?

JP: Time to vote.

Shii Ann: (voting for Rob) There’s an old proverb, and it goes something like this - a wise man knows stuff but doesn’t say much, he keeps quiet, speaks little, talks very sparingly; you know, he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t use too many words. The fool doesn’t know squat but says far too much, he just won’t shut up, goes on and on, yacking away, thinking he’s a real smart cookie and knows all the answers when he’s actually a clueless idiot; you know what I’m saying, he just talks and talks and talks. So anyway, you know what I mean. I was just starting to not completely loathe you.

Robb: Shii Ann, no hard feelings baby. Even though I’m writing my vote as Shit Head.

JP: I’ll go tally the votes, and end this excruciating suspense that the viewers have been enduring all show.

The tension mounts, as we wonder whether Clarence will get another vote.

JP: For only the second time ever, I have no idea who a vote is for. What’s this? (Holding up the “Shit Head” card)

Robb points at Shii Ann.

JP: For god’s sake, write a name! This could have been for any of you!

Next vote: Rob.

Robb: Two “b”s!

JP: Rob. Rob. Rob. Sorry, Rob, your two “b”s are not to be. Bring me your torch.

Robb leaves the Tribal Council area immediately, if “immediately” means after ten minutes of schmoozing and blubbering.

JP: Robb is responsible for your spiritual growth, and you voted him off. I guess you’d kick the Dalai Lama out of bed for eating crackers, huh? I’m disgusted with you all over again.

It turns out that Robb was the most spiritual person on the island. I think that statement speaks for itself.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


edited because I got my Suckies mixed up with my Chewies, twice

Table of contents
Messages in this discussion
"OMG--Am I FIRST?"
Posted by George Tirebiter on 10-25-02 at 05:34 PM
I really hate to come off like a kiss-ass, but this is another one where I'd have to copy and paste the whole damned thing, if I wanted to subject the world to my favorite parts. From Helen of Troy on, I truly was laughing my arse off. Out loud. (Ask my dog, who was startled out of a sound sleep, and is still acting paranoid. Then again, don't--I almost have her convinced her yelp is what woke her.)

And thanks to your insights, I now believe Dood would be a perfect foil for SeeBS's Dr. Phil: “He made me make sense of myself, and not many people have done that.” WTF? I can't wait to see what Letterman does with THAT clip!

GT

Who think nobody does witty inneuendo like DK. . .

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by I_AM_HE on 10-25-02 at 05:48 PM
dk, you rule
as always, I think your summary speaks for itself! but i'll list a few of my favorites anyway

loved the bananas and balls sections, the bleep fest,

>>Helen: My face may never launch a thousand ships, but it sure sent
>>one screaming away in terror.
rofl!! this is destined to become one of the classic lines in SB summary history! too perfect!!!

>>They all agree that this morning was ridiculous, silly and retarded.
>>
>>And that would make it different from any other moment since
>>this show started, exactly how?
i've got nothing

>>Shii Ann: (voting for Rob) There’s an old proverb, and it goes >>something like this - a wise man knows stuff but doesn’t say
>>much, he keeps quiet, speaks little, talks very sparingly; you
>>know, he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t use too many words.
>>The fool doesn’t know squat but says far too much, he just won’t
>>shut up, goes on and on, yacking away, thinking he’s a real
>>smart cookie and knows all the answers when he’s actually a
>>clueless idiot; you know what I’m saying, he just talks and
>>talks and talks. So anyway, you know what I mean. I was just
>>starting to not completely loathe you.

dk, once again, an absolutely brilliant summary!

"OMG--TOO FRIGGIN FUNNY"
Posted by Outfrontgirl on 10-25-02 at 06:09 PM

>>"two “b”s are not to be"

Alas, poor d00d, we knew you...

DK, this was so funny and ummm, wonderfully evocative of ummm, dirty stuff...

Loved:
the Jiffy instructions and the ball challenge. Cheerleaders ARE smart; they know you're supposed to shoot down the middle, sheesh, how do you think they all get pregnant in high school?

The MBP

the rampant snake symbolism

the importance of minding your own banana (ask Ken first)

tutoring Penny in banana-sucking

the whole boat sequence and EVERYTHING you lobbed Ted's way
SH's final words

the bet between JP and MB

Penny's new personality

Helen the frightener of ships and bearer of old news

your anti-saccharine crusade

the neck-snapping moment

the Dalai Lama eating crackers in bed (holy crumbs, Batman!)

the fact that you made it hilarious without even going to commercials...

And so much more.,,

The Goddess of Words has spoken!


"Man it really hurts when you get your "B" cut off"

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by anotherkim on 10-25-02 at 06:20 PM
Simply Perfection.

And I have to agree--this is one of the best lines ever:

"Helen: My face may never launch a thousand ships, but it sure sent one screaming away in terror.

BRAVO!!

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by toddE on 10-25-02 at 06:34 PM
Helen: My face may never launch a thousand ships, but it sure sent one screaming away in terror.

Ok, I Had already copied it before reading that the other posters loved it, too.

The words of Shii, ah finally got me an alliance, etc.

All super funny.

PS the TC is always a day after IC, so that the poo can hit the fan in-between.


"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Outfrontgirl on 10-26-02 at 01:59 AM
>>PS the TC is always a day after IC, so that the poo can hit the fan in-between.

Actually, Todd, most times Jiffy says to the losing tribe: "I'll see you tonight." The strategizing is usually done under time pressure. Although I hear things will shake up radically at some point this season.

Usually they get one day off without either challenges or TC, do they can do their heavy survival chores and/or go swimming and get bitten by rays, although sharks would be preferable.

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by toddE on 10-28-02 at 12:27 PM
Gee, that's true. He does say that. But didn't the big blow-up between Pappy/Neleh and Sean occur after Kathy won that particular IC?


"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by L82LIFE on 10-25-02 at 06:48 PM
Talk about hittin one out of the ballpark! DK, this sumamry was hilarious. I spent the whole read laughing. Here's a few faves:

Helen: My face may never launch a thousand ships, but it sure sent one screaming away in terror.

Ted pleads with the boat to return. The boat refuses to take his calls and files a restraining order.


Penny: This tea is so good, I’m drinking it like it’s milk.
The only sense I can make out of this statement is that she’s bucking for the coveted “Got Milk?” Spokesperson status.

Brian: She named it “Oscar.” I was once in a movie where my “co-star” was named Oscar - Oscar M. Wiener - so I immediately thought they might like to eat it.

In a stunning move, the Suckies have Robb sit out the mental challenge.

The entire summary was wonderful. DK, you ROCK!


"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Bucky Katt on 10-25-02 at 07:16 PM
You rock DK! You had a great week to work with as the Dood had so much air time, but you made the most of it. Fantastic!

"So anyway, that Burmese down the hall is avoiding me. I think she's hot for Bucky." BA

"Amazing -- Simply Amazing"
Posted by AyaK on 10-25-02 at 08:34 PM
"Goddess of Words." How could such a clueless poster in the Love Cruise Forum sum you up so well? You have a natural gift for the one thing I can't pull off in my summaries and so don't even try -- the made-up quote. (*You're also much better at setting up double entendres, but that's probably to be expected ...*)

The Helen of Troy quote is one of the all-time great summary lines. It's no wonder that everyone's cited it.

From the Robb-Ken fight ... to the boat retrieval ... to the ball game, with its members, shafts and positions ... to the banana ... to the timing of the wine ... to the sappy weepy drunks at TC ... this is great stuff all the way through.

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by fivestarwheezy on 10-25-02 at 08:49 PM
OMH!!!!
Funniest thing I've read in a long time!
My husband thinks I'm nuts--ROTFL--tears and all!
Thanks for the awesome summary.

Wheezer

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by OceanSkater on 10-25-02 at 10:55 PM

"Penny narrates in a head cheerleader,control freak kinda way."

well put!

"News flash from Helen: the boatis gone.Boat, boat, boat. Thank you, Helen."

LMAO, she had a pathetic moment there, huh?

"Helen: My face may never launch a thousand ships, but it sure sent one screaming away in terror."

This line will resurface in some comedians's monologue, somehow

"Ted pleads with the boat to return. The boat refuses to take his calls and files a restraining order."

More LOL!

"The boys suspect that a distant island has captured their boat."

Nice analogy!


"Helen, ever the bearer of old news, informs us that they are not good swimmers. "

Great use of sarcasm....lol!


"Whales all over the world file lawsuits for defamation of character"

Like Charles Barkley was gonna do to Tanya Harding for calling herself the Charles Barkley of ice skating. He dropped the suit when he realized he had NO character.....

I stop here, or I'll have to quote the whole thing.
All the sexual innuendos and double entendres were great. It was all very funny!!!!!Thank you!

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Gerbees on 10-26-02 at 01:53 AM
Great summary! Too many things that made me laugh to quote. I always look forward to reading your summary, good job!

Gerbees

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by dabo on 10-26-02 at 03:10 AM
LOL!!! x 10!!! 'RAY!

Best.Summary.Ever!

If we ever go back to having only one person do the official summaries, my vote is definitely for the Goddess of Words! Excellent, dk, just stunningly superbly magnificently excellent!

ARRRRRRR!!!!

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Silvergirl1 on 10-26-02 at 06:51 AM

Just when you thought it was safe to drink liquids while reading the lastest Survivor Summary - Oh, well, I'll spare you the drippy details.

Great job, Dangerkitty!

My favorite part:

JP: For only the second time ever, I have no idea who a vote is for. What’s this? (Holding up the “Shit Head” card)

Robb points at Shii Ann.

JP: For god’s sake, write a name! This could have been for any of you!

Ain't it the truth!


"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Swami on 10-26-02 at 01:29 PM
Great summary, DK! I love the way you can put a nasty sexual innuendo into any context - it's a gift! <boomchickabowow>

I loved it all, but especially Shih blabbing on and on in her 'wise man says few words' proverb, and JP telling Robb "your two “b”s are not to be." ROF


"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by NightScribe on 10-26-02 at 01:51 PM
Wow! dk, you still got it babe. Your claws are sharpened to a needle point, and you let each and every one of these bozos have it. Of course, I was laughing hysterically at every dirty minded reference and inuendo. Just what I needed to start off my weekend. I agree that this is the best summary I've ever read. Thanks for the laughs.



"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by AMAI on 10-26-02 at 02:35 PM
Dangerkitty - superb recap.

And I notice that some of MY favorite lines have not been rementioned, so here they are:


Robb (to the chickens): Cover me! I’m going for a banana!

Shii Ann, cocky now in her strong position as just-barely-above-Robb-in-the-pecking-order, piles on. Penny sternly reminds her that she was not given permission to speak.

Once Ted starts knocking Robb’s balls around, it looks like he might grind out a victory for the Chewies.

Jan: (sobbing as she buries the bat) Ah thought Ah finally had me an alliance!

Jiffy Probe: It’s a simple math challenge. <at which point I lost consciousness.> In a stunning move, the Suckies have Robb sit out the mental challenge. And if there’s anything less funny than a math challenge, it’s a math challenge without Duuuude in it.

Erin: He made all of us think, even me. Ow.

Robb: I used to only care about money and getting wasted. <takes a swig of wine>

Erin launches into another lengthy monologue. Remember when we were wondering if she could form a complete sentence? Don’t you miss those days?

Thanks DK and then there's all the stuff everyone else already quoted. And I had to leave stuff out - but you get the picture

THANKS A BUNCH - but I shouldn't have read this before doing my own. naughty AMAI but I couldn't help myself.

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Survivorerist on 10-27-02 at 00:58 AM
Yee hah! Glad to see a summary from you, dk! Don't tell anyone, but I always liked yours best... <shhhhh> My favourite line...

>>>Kenn: You can’t have no bananas!
You can’t have no bananas today!<<<

But only because it reminds me of this super cute commercial with monkeys and a cell phone


(Another IceCat original )

The Top 5 FLL Castaways

1. Neleh Dennis (11 weeks at #1)
2. Colby Donaldson (5 weeks at #1)
3. Amber Brkich (4 weeks at #1)
3. Lex Van Den Burghe (4 weeks at #1)
5. Elisabeth Filarski (3 weeks at #1)

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Outfrontgirl on 10-27-02 at 09:14 PM
LAST EDITED ON 10-28-02 AT 00:47 AM (EST)

I had to come back and read this gem over again...

So Surv, what's with this list under your sig?
Are you saying Lex is more popular than Lis? Wow.


*Poor Kim Powers. If she'd only had a beach, she could have been a top Survivor babe contender*

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by dabo on 10-29-02 at 12:11 PM
Sir E's list is his personal record from Fanatics Love Lists. Fanatics Forum has taken off the last two seasons and even the most cynical bashers might enjoy playing the PTTE and Anti-Bootie games. Not that I'm calling anyone cynical, mind you! Of course, it's not like there's anything wrong with that...

SMILES ARE FREE

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Drive My Car on 10-28-02 at 10:10 AM
Funny stuff Kitty! The Brian porn references were really funny.
Good job!

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by lionsroar on 10-28-02 at 11:58 AM
This summary again reminds me of why DK is my all time favorite basher! Superb as Always!
"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by MakeItStop on 10-28-02 at 01:33 PM
ROFLMAO I have one word for this summary: Boomchickabowow! Loved this summary from start to finish. I will list some of my favorite lines:

Ted pleads with the boat to return. The boat refuses to take his calls and files a restraining order.

Brian: Breast stroke! Breast! Stroke! Stroke! Oh, YEEESSSS!!!!! <Boomchickabowow>

Whales all over the world file lawsuits for defamation of character.

Brian: ... Oscar M. Wiener - so I immediately thought they might like to eat it.

It turns out that Clay is the smartest person on the island. I think that statement speaks for itself.

Robb leaves the Tribal Council area immediately, if “immediately” means after ten minutes of schmoozing and blubbering.

Also loved Robb’s only friends (the chickens), the banana-grabbing scene, Shii Ann's just-barely-above-Robb-in-the-pecking-order, Jeff's member/positions/score speech, the struggle for balls, and then the final satisfying climax, Ted's 100 million speech, Clay demonstrating wrongness in general, Robb the prissy boy (I guess he isn't mature enough to be a girly man), Helen thinking that Clay had finally succumbed, and Shii Ann’s legendary smarts failing her.

OK, I was trying not to repeat the WHOLE thing but it looks like I wasn't successful.


“She’s a beauty queen gone bad!” -- Marcellus about Amy.

"WOOOO!!! "
Posted by moonbaby on 10-28-02 at 03:12 PM
*lights lighter* WOOHOO DK! Loved this!!


"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Skiver on 10-28-02 at 03:37 PM
Great summary. "Ye cannae whack it," as some of us Scots might say (not me). Excellent, excellent. Genuinely laugh out loud stuff. I missed the first half hour of last week's program thanks to Chief Moose's self-indulgent press conference about how the cops and FBI worked really hard trying to find the snipers, up to - and even after - they tried to turn themselves in. Now I know what happened on Survivor - and if it didn't quite play out the way described, it should have.

Skiver

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Bebo on 10-28-02 at 03:57 PM
Loved it!

Add me to the list of folks completely hooked by the Helen line. I was particularly impressed by your use of actual dialogue.

Wayyyy too many funny lines to quote here!

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by FesterFan1 on 10-28-02 at 05:20 PM
DK,
Thanks, on behalf of those of us in the Balto-Wash area who missed about half of this episode because Chief Moose had to get home to watch Will & Grace and therefore held his press conference at 8:00. Based on the 30 minutes or so that I did see, I have no doubt that your summary was twice as good as the actual show.

I am continually amazed at your gift for words. I only wish I was half the woman you are (although I guess that would pretty much make me Erin).

You rock. The Basher Board needs more of you and less of me.

Fester

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Brownroach on 10-28-02 at 05:59 PM
Too hilarious, Kitty! Like GT, I'd have to repaste the whole thing to properly credit all the good lines. But my absolute favorite part is the whole tribal council sequence, especially Shii Ann, Robb (2 "b"s!) and Jiffy.

Now I'm hungry. Where's Ken the Banana Cop?...

"Where the hell is KALSTEAU?"
Posted by George Tirebiter on 10-28-02 at 10:12 PM
I figured by now he'd have shown up to proclaim this a masterpiece, in his entertaining, inimitable idiom.

GT

Appreciates a well-placed smartass remark.

"RE: Where the hell is KALSTEAU?"
Posted by OceanSkater on 10-29-02 at 09:37 AM
Is Kalsteau the person who replied to my rather cheery post "it doesn't take much to amuse you people"?

Qu'il mange du gateau!

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by Lisapooh on 10-31-02 at 01:33 PM
Oh how much do you rock!!!!! m

I can' t believe I didn't see this! DK - no one writes a summary like you - you are the best!

I knew there was a reason I named my cat after you - you are without a doubt the goddess of words for now and evermore!

"RE: ****OFFICIAL SB SUMMARY****Survivor 5/Thailand - Episode 6: Bananas, Balls, and Booted B's"
Posted by volmel on 11-02-02 at 01:03 PM
I'm late reading and replying to this summary, but it was just too good not to comment on. As always, DangerKitty has shown herself to be a true comedic genius. Some of my favs:

>Robb says that Penny told him
>that she was never thinking
>of voting for him, but
>he says that Ken told
>him that Penny told him
>that she was voting for
>either him or Steph.
>Neener neener neener.
>
>Penny narrates in a head cheerleader,
>control freak kinda way.
>
>Helen: My face may never
>launch a thousand ships, but
>it sure sent one screaming
>away in terror.
>
>Ted pleads with the boat to
>return. The boat refuses
>to take his calls and
>files a restraining order.
>
>
>Whales all over the world file
>lawsuits for defamation of character.
>
>
Penny sternly reminds
>her that she was not
>given permission to speak.
>
>
>Robb is busy grabbing everyone’s balls,
>until Ted is sent in
>to start working him over.

Please don’t anyone
>take my grinding on you
>out there personally, it’s just
>the game, and besides, I
>thought you were my wife.
>
>

>
>The boys are anticipating the merge.
> They pull out their
>calculators and slide rules to
>figure out complicated equations like,
>if they lose the next
>IC and then merge, how
>many players would each tribe
>have? >
>Jan: (sobbing as she buries
>the bat) Ah thought Ah
>finally had me an alliance!
>
>
>
>In a stunning move, the Suckies
>have Robb sit out the
>mental challenge.
>
Epic. I truly look forward every season to your summaries. Thanks for making me laugh!