I want to start off by saying that I still find myself giggling like a little schoolgirl every time Joan Lunden says Crafty Beavers. BWAHAHAHA! This is worth watching the show all by its self.Day four starts where last week left off…Darlene talking! Her voice is just like that shrill screeching noise a train makes as the brakes are applied. All I hear is BRAK BRAK BRAK dictatorship BRAK BRAK BRAK! Something tells me Darlene is getting ready to take the crown that Tom left when he departed.
Ms. Lunden interrupts breakfast to give them their new challenge. Crafty Beavers will get to choose first for winning last week. There are six envelopes to choose from. First set is red or white and Crafty Beavers choose red and Artisan gets white. Artisan gets next pick between big or little and they pick little leaving Crafty Beavers with big. Crafty Beavers go with American outside giving Artisan French inside. Darlene gives a shout of happiness due to something unknown to anyone. WTF is she happy about? I can just hear her brain screaming French on inside…American on outside! Idiot of mega proportions.
Joan goes on to explain that red/white determines the color of wine they will serve at a dinner party they have to throw. The big/little determines the kitchen they will be cooking in. Artisan isn’t happy because they made the decision for little and will be cooking in the much smaller kitchen upstairs wile the Crafty Beavers will boil water downstairs in the main kitchen.
French inside/American outside determines where the entertaining will take place. Crafty Beavers choose American outside and will serve their dinner party outside by the pool The American portion represents the type of entertainment…a team of American synchronized swimmers. Artisan will be serving inside with a French mime as the guest entertaining. Ok, I don’t know how this turns out but I am putting all my money on the beavers! Seriously, who the heck likes those pesky mimes anyway?
They must cook a 3-course meal and they have to make enough for 12 people. They will be judged on drinks/appetizers and then dinner/desserts. The judges will visit each place twice. The budget for each team is $2,500! WTF? Are they expected to serve caviar? I will cook the meal for them for $2,500 and they won’t have to do anything! They will be judged on creativity, presentation and the taste of the food.
The individual projects will consist of making a gift basket for each judge and the budget is $40 per basket. The two creators from the losing team with the least creativity will be up for elimination. They have 36 hours to complete their mission.
Whew! Ok, everyone still with me? That was the tough part and now let’s get to the drama of it all!
The Crafty Beavers are strategizing on what they are going to do. Mitch suggests plain and simple with modest decoration (50’ish style) and Denise says that she likes it when guest are allowed to prepare certain parts of their food. They feel as if they are part of the process. Are you freaking kidding me? Denise honey, stick to changing diapers! When you are going to spend on average $200/person you would hope the food would jump into the guest mouth! I understand that they have to decorate but let’s say they spend half the total on the food, $100/person is still a great meal with wine.
Team Artisan is shown talking and Michelle reveals that she knows French and she can cook a killer lobster. I have to give Darlene some credit here because she keeps her mouth shut and says she trusts Michelle. Team Artisan is going with lobster and lamb. I think this is a good meal but I think they should do something a little more French than this.
Mitch wants the Crafty Beavers to have an eloquent dinner. He says they should go with deviled eggs. They all keep discussing what they are going to do.
Heather and Diane (Crafty Beavers) call the offices for the swim team and ask if they make the team very nice robes would they wear them and serve appetizers. The team agrees and Heather says she is wearing a flowered swim cap! This is shaping up to be great if they can pull it off.
Denise decides it is time to tell Mitch that he isn’t letting her blossom. What’s wrong my little honeysuckle? Did that mean florist smack your wittle hand when you tried to add a branch to the display during the last challenge? WTF ever, just do your thing ad everyone will be ok.
Michelle and Margo go shopping and purchase their lamb and 12 lobsters. After buying everything they need for dinner, they have spent $1008.07. They didn’t even spend half the money and they bought lobster and lamb! However, when Margo and Michelle return and tells Darlene that they spent $1,000, Darlene explodes like one of the volcanoes MB showed us in Vanuatu! She can’t believe they spent that much. WTF? Darlene needs to stick to designing and decorating. Hell, is there anyone worth being on this show? The show is looking for someone PERFECT! None of these idiots are anywhere close.
Darlene also complains to Michelle that she needs to go buy fabric. Michelle gets irritated and tells Darlene that she is going to buy pots and pans and that Darlene will have to go buy fabric some other time! Darlene complains to the camera that no one ever listens to her suggestions. Um…Darlene, if you ever have a good idea I am sure they will listen.
Let the drama begin! Well, the two drama queens go at it during this little segment. The Crafty Beavers drama queens (DQ) Mitch and Denise have words. DQ Mitch (Nancy from here on out) decides to glue rhododendron leaves on the table to make a different textures (very creative IMHO). The little beavers are busy gluing while DQ Denise is cutting leaves off limbs with scissors. Denise berates Nancy for being loud and bossy and she is tired of it. She has to say something! As she is berating him, she is swinging those scissors faster than OJ was swing knives at Nicole! Nancy tells her to stop with the scissors but that just causes her to do it more. Could someone please take those scissors and poke out both their eyes! URGH!
Team Artisan is cooking and Michelle says that she is making dessert and everyone else is making appetizers. However, no one else is in the kitchen and Darlene says she wasn’t delegated anything to do. Michelle quickly puts Darlene to work on shrimp stuffed tomatoes. Are shrimp stuff tomatoes French? I’m not French but I think they are way off base with this one. Team Artisan is a train wreck just waiting to happen!
Everyone is scurrying around with 3 ½ hours left working on the individual projects:
Team Artisan:
Michelle: Chocolate truffles in a big cardboard box.
Dawn: A mirror and a candle wrapped in velvet (what? She couldn’t make something?)
Kimberly: Truffles in a wooden box.
Margo: French dessert wine
Darlene: Scented pillow
Crafty Beavers:
Nancy: Vinyl fishbowl with goldfish crackers
Mychael: Gift pail with Chili mix
That is all we are shown.
Back in the Artisan kitchen and the drama continues. Kimberly gets the lobsters out of the water and the meat is all mushy and looks gross! The lobster is ruined. These idiots can’t steam lobster! Kimberly tells everyone to not worry because the lamb will be great. Darlene tells Kimberly to make sure the lamb is cooked and Kimberly squawks back to her that it is lamb and doesn’t need to cook long and needs to be medium rare. It amazes me that these idiots can’t get anything right!
Over at the Crafty Beavers, Mychael is making the main course of beef tenderloin. She put a dry rub on it and is baking it. Heather makes cheesecake brownies for dessert. Um, Heather the brownies should not be burned around the outer edges and should not cut out of the pan with a knife! They look like chocolate chip cookies. Poor choice for this party!
The synchronized swim team that the Crafty Beavers were so excited about is a bust! A really BIG bust! The team arrives and lets just say that they are a tad overweight. Orca has nothing on these beached whales! BWAHAHAHA!
Artisan Darlene decides that the lobster can be saved by making a rue and dicing the lobster in it! Michelle lies to Darlene and tells her they have no flour even though there is a five-pound bag on the counter! My little lovely Darlene, you don’t put lobster in gravy! Will this team ever win a challenge?
The judges arrive at Team Artisan without Bobby Flay because he is stuck in traffic. Candace and David are offered champagne. Now, I think I am a bitter ole queen but Ms. Evangelista has me beat! The bitter one immediately complains that the champagne is warm and he hates warm champagne. He then says he doesn’t want to be a rude houseguest! Ms. Evangelista you have already crossed that line you old hateful wench! Then Michelle confessionals that she doesn’t like her guest because they are rude! Little idiot Michelle, their job is to judge you and decide a winner. Candace then goes on a rampage that the appetizers are not French (guess that answers my earlier question) and that Americans like to stuff tomatoes with shrimp and mayo! Michelle’s face is priceless as she realizes that is exactly what she did! LMAO! Darlene loves this too.
Things don’t get any better over at the Crafty Beavers. Queen Evangelista has a terrible time with her appletini! It has too much shaved ice in it! OH.MY.HECK! Come on Nancy, just put it in your mouth and swallow (I am sure you have heard that many times)! Candace can’t believe they have deviled eggs for appetizers and she doesn’t even like them. Candace baby, I don’t like deviled eggs either but why did you even take one?
The Crafty Beavers are rude to the guest because they tell Candace and Nancy to sit down at the table for the rest of the appetizers. Then the entire team goes to the kitchen and they leave the judges at the table alone! *Miss Manners please report to the bungalow by the pool* Nancy can’t believe that they are serving cold scallops and he is not going to eat them. He leaves the table to watch the beached whales roll around in the pool.
Dinner at Team Artisan and Bobby Flay shows up with the judges. Bobby asks for an appetizer and they have thrown them away! Bobby then explains how in the food industry someone always shows up late and an appetizer should have been kept. All the judges complain that the lamb is raw! I have to agree with them here. It looks like the meat is raw in the middle. YUCK! I guess Michelle doesn’t know what Medium raw looks like. However, she does serve three great desserts that look wonderful. Her desserts will win that category.
Mychael (Crafty Beavers) greets Bobby by telling him that she saved him an appetizer if he would like one. I guess she knows what she is doing! The judges love the dinner of beef tenderloin served over a vegetable medley. Candace even says it is perfect. Time for the dessert and they look terrible compared to the other desserts.
Time for the judges to select the winning team and they talk about Team Artisan having a great time, the presentation of the Crafty Beavers was wonderful and food was great. The judges confer and decide that the Crafty Beavers win! Someone from Team Artisan will be going home.
The judges were least impressed with the truffles in a tall box so Michelle is up for elimination. The second least favorite is the candle and mirror that was Dawn’s creation. Dawn vs. Michelle.
Darlene votes Michelle because she will not be lied to and let anyone get away with it!
Margo says that Dawn isn’t as strong of a player and that they may need Michelle down the road and votes Dawn.
Kimberly says that she is keeping the person that will help them the most in the long run and she votes Michelle!
Michelle is booted 2-1.
OH.THE.DRAMA!