LAST EDITED ON 03-01-24 AT 03:49 PM (EST)The TD Show
The season started with a sermon on the nature of Survivor. At first, we didn't know who was talking. The words could have been taken from Burnett's book on Survivor but Burnett has a distinctive British accent and here we definitely had an inner-city American accent. Before the end of this definition of what makes Survivor, we see that TD was speaking.
We had a season start with Carolyn who didn't even know what to do in confessional and here we have the polar opposite; someone who, we are supposed to consider, knows this game better than anyone else. Considering Carolyn made the Final 3, it seems we should already consider TD as this season's winner! He says he's ready for it.
Next we have our first caricature, I mean clown, hum; character: Nanu who came to America from the planet Ork and is happy with his life, having his American citizenship and, most of all, being on Survivor.
If you want to penalize anyone for embellishment then Nanu would spend most of his time in the penalty box.
Next Jest is practically telling us she should be voted out first.
She should.
Hunted is this season's hillbilly while Swifty is the Harvard nerd who disowns his school and Stiffany is a self taught bad artist who claims to be a Hustler Honey.
This season's Canadian, Venus-Mantrap, gives us an introduction that seems inspired by Gabon's Corinne: She is going to do some serious sh*t and will deal with the repercussions later.
We all remember that Corinne didn't live up to her big words.
This girl Kandie says she is ready to party.
That's another caricature player.
When the boats finally reach Jiffy, we hear from Club-Soda that she is ready to fizz. She wants to be a model for her young students.
Next we hear from Quintessential Burdette who tells us he has been playing football and doing track and Field since he was nine. Quarterback Burdette is ready for the ball.
Jiffy gives a bit of a twist to his lame intro, telling them that all 18 see themselves as eventual winners but that it was simply not true: 17 are wrong. He even adds that someone will go to the end but won't have a chance of getting the votes.
When Jiffy says the words: «Winner of Survivor 46, the camera focuses on TD who is holding his face with both hands and letting out a scream of joy. Expect to see the same thing on a Sunday evening in May when Jiffy solemly says for real that time «The Winner of Survivor 46...» Will TD be sitting to the left of Venus-Mantrap who in that instant looked as if she was containing her emotions? Is she the one that simply can't win? That's where I'm putting my money
Jiffy puts a name on each tribe:
- Purple with Quintillion Burdette, Jest, Stiffany, Nanu, Jello-sky and Kandie is named Janu (It's easy to guess why they called this tribe after one of the worst players ever!)
- Green with Swifty, Gloria Gaynor, Jam, Katman, Mama and Big Tim are called Seaguls.
- Orange with TD, Hunted, RamJam, Club-Soda, Venus-Mantrap and LizLiz (no, not that one) are called Not-Me.
They have their first challenge and, as expected, Not-Me win easily, Seaguls scrapes by while Janu loses. Not-Me get their supplies 3 days before the other two unless they can with either win the «Sweat» or «Savvy» challenges.
After the break, we join Janu where Jello-sky starts talking about being everything that he is about to show he isn't.
This Legend in his own mind has to be considered one of the worst players ever.
Jello volunteers for the «Sweat» task along with Quintessence Burdette. Jello fails miserably and even if there was plenty of sand left in the hourglass, he gives up to Quintuplet's dismay. Jello explains that SeeBS lied to them saying they would have several hours to complete the task which, for him meant seven hours! Dumba$$
In Seaguls, the tribe reads the «Savvy» clue. Katman and Swifty volunteer except, where Katman sees himself as Eddie van Halen, he thinks of Swifty as David Lee Roth who isn't quite Taylor Swift! At least they get the «Dumb-n-Dumber» alliance out of it!
While the two guys fail, we hear Mama Maria bonding with Big Tim since they both have kids.
Under a large rainbow, which can also be seen as a prelude to the pot of gold we join Not-me where TD is talking about watching «Andy Griffith» despite being only 24.
In another display of wisdom, TD tells us that LizLiz forgot that the game doesn't start tomorrow but that it started already.
Club-Soda makes fire and feels good about her tribe.
Despite having to admit their defeat to the other Seaguls, Katman still feels optimistic. He tells his tribe that they are the vibe-tribe. Big Tim tells us he likes Katman. Mama Maria says the same thing while Jam is happy to be Survibing.
Next we get to meet Gloria Gaynor who, in this version, is a geeky-dorky nerd who plays D&D and brews beer. Making connections is a struggle for her but she bonds well with the two other women of the tribe. They form a female alliance.
Nanu shows his tribe how to open coconuts. Quintus is happy but I wonder how Kandie feels when Nanu helps her by pulling on her poney-tail. She then tells us that she got a good feeling with fellow tattoed Jello but she doesn't get much from Jest. Kandie names the Janu alliance: Stiffany, Quintuple, Jello and herself.
Well that lasted a good 2 days!
Back at Not-Me, Club-Soda and TD are signing and dancing to camp songs. While Ramjam and LizLiz joined in, Hunted felt persecuted: Those damn camp songs keep following him around. A least Hunted feels safe around TD. TD tells us that the feeling is shared. They form the «Andy Griffith-alliance.»
We're treated to an image as if seen on a 1950s TV screen with a black & White picture of TD and Hunted.
With this much care given these two, I predict that this alliance will last a lot longer than the Janu alliance. Bad-mouths will point out that it already has lasted longer but I mean end-game length not just one cycle.
In confessional, TD tells us that he is an actor, that this is all a stage and all the players around are actors in this play. He vows that soon they will all know why TD says this is his island.
Back in Seaguls, Charlie reveals that he is a Swifty which makes Big Tim laugh. Looking at the numbers Jam and Gloria realize they need to pull in one of the guys to get majority. It seems that Charlie-Swift will be the 4th «girl»! They envision themselves as «Charlie's Angels». Charlie-Swift tells us he's been bossed around by women his whole life so why would Survivor be different?
The women's actions do not go unnoticed by Big Tim who knows how women operate. When he tells Katman and Charlie-Swift that they have to take out a woman, Swifty realizes that puts him in both groups. He enjoys that even if he realizes that playing both sides can be dangerous.
Not everyone is blind to the dangers of being the pivotal vote. It's not like Big Tom in the first All-Stars who was so happy to let everyone know he was the swing vote until the 4 others swung him out of the game!
In Not-Me, Venus realizes that the others see her as a «Princess». She's not happy about that because it puts her at the bottom «Screw it» she says, she won't go out without a fight. That sends her out on a search for the idol. It's interesting that her confessional included a remark about being in the Finals and telling everyone «Screw you» because that won't earn her many votes. She tries to pull in RamJam but he knows Venus is the number one threat in the tribe.
I guess we're back again to Season 6 where we learned from Jenna and Heidi that being young and beautiful is a handicap.
Ramjam tells Club-Soda about his bad feelings towards Venus-Mantrap. He is not afraid of her but she reminds him of Parvati. Club-Soda
Wanting to alert Club-Soda of the threat posed by Venus Man-trap, Ramjam only manages to warn her about himself. While Club-Soda goes very well in many drinks it doesn't go well with Ramjam. Naturally, Club-Soda tells Venus that Ramjam is after her. Venus sets her trap on Ramjam.
On day 2 we learn that LizLiz is allergic to about every food available on Survivor.
Why did she apply if she can't eat coconut or rice?
A Boat shows up at each camp and Jello once more insists on doing it for Janu. Nanu is pised off but he doesn't say a thing to the Legend.
Since he was designated by luck, TD is happy to be the Not-Me representative.
Mama Maria wins Rock over Scissors for Seagulls, Gloria is happy for her alliance mate but jealous that she isn't the alliance member taking the journey.
Jello tells us he's playing as if he's winning this game! Oh! The marvelous irony, the complete oblivion, the total lack of self-awareness!
The three are playing a game of chicken: Mama Maria, has holder of the «Torch» card, has to reveal it and then the other two have to convince her that they have the «Vote» card and not the «Skull» one. If Maria guesses right, she and the holder of the «Vote» card get an extra vote while the Skull card loses his vote. If Maria guesses wrong than only the holder of the Skull card has their extra vote, the other two losing theirs.
It only takes Maria's warning that she and the other player will tell their tribe mates about the liar's deceit to get Jello to turn to mush. This «Legend» admits he has the «Skull» card because he doesn't want the others to see him as a liar.
On day 2, Jello folded because he was afraid that the others would see him as a liar when it comes to the merger. OK, you have to think a few steps ahead in this game but you also have to think of the present. Players should always see others as potential liars so what does it matter if they think that later on? What about your tribe right now?
Good news: With Probe asking for people to send in casting requests, we're almost certain of having a Survivor 47. I always saw the over/under at 50.5. What do you think?
Of course we follow the Janu boat after the break: We have to see just how badly Jello played his journey. It only takes a quick explanation for Kandie and Stiffany to figure out the huge error Jello made: Who cares if the other two lose their vote? As Kandie said: «They aren't on our tribe so you didn't even fight for us? All you had to do was lie to strangers.»
While showing he was happy for Mama's extra vote, Big Tim is worriend that her extra vote could lead to World dominance by Woman.
We never saw Not-Me's reation to TD's return. Instead we had another confessional from Jest suggesting she may jest pull a «Hannah» and quit on day 3. Now we hear she hasn't slept in 3 days. That should tell the tribe that she will be useless going forward.
While Nanu tries hard to find the idol, it's Stiffany instead that first gets the «Beware» note. She ignores the warning, tells Kandie about her finding and reads the note. The clue sends her back to the discovery spot where a big box with a lock was buried. She will get a clue to the location of the key after the next immunity challenge loss.
Since her tribe had to lose a challenge for Stiffany to get her next clue, how do we know she really gave it her all in that challenge? Lost should never be rewarded but it happens all the time in this game. Hell! You don't have to win tribal challenges, you just have to avoid being last. And after a tribal swap, the ideal strategy could be to lose to vote out a member from the other tribe and keep your estranged allies safe. Often, to get the votes, you don't have to be the best, you just have to stink less than the other two. But Probe is oblivious to these flaws.
Stiffany tells Questionable Burdette about her predicament: She doesn't have a vote unless she finds an idol. Combined with Jello's lost vote, the alliance of 4 doesn't have much weight. Despite this, Stiffany, to her honor, isn't nervous: She'll figure it out she says.
The Immunity Challenge.
Before we get to it, Jiffy wants to know about the challenge results. Seaguls admit their defeat with a smile. Just one loss, they agree.
Janu, on the other hand, sees Jello raising a protest: They were supposed to have several hours to complete the task, they only got 4. He adds: «Last I checked, several means seven.» Jiffy is surprised: «Several means Seven?» Jello insists that it does because it is part of the word. Club-Soda teaches him that several means more than a couple but Jello insists his book is right.
The challenge had to be sponsored by Geico but once again, there wasn't much doubt about the result: Not-Me won with Venus and Soda doing the puzzle. They were followed by Seaguls who were anchored by Gloria and Mama. In a sign that they probably threw the challenge, Jello and Jest tackled the puzzle for the losers.
After the challenge, Nanu has the Kiss-of-death-confessional: He points the finger directly at Jello and Jest.
Jello is confident in his alliance. Stiffany and Kandie want to eliminate Jest but Quintus turns the table and insists on Jello.
Stiffany gets a secret message for the location of the key. She finds it in the rocks at the point. She hauls a$$ back to the hidding spot and finds her reward: A real Idol.
Quirinus wants hard work to be rewarded not Quitters.
Jest isn't comfortable, Stiffany would like Jest first, Jello second. Nanu and Kandie are undecided but TC is fatal for Jello.
As for my long term bet, I've got TD winning by a Touchdown and maybe even with a 2 point conversion for 8 points or rather 8 votes. Venus-Mantrap will be shut-out. Not sure who is the other finalist who would get at most 1 point if Jiffy's initial comments prove prophetic. Hunted is as good a bet as any and better than most except for mama Maria who also has a connection to TD but she would seem a more dangerous finalist.
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