Oh, The Horror!!!
Previously on Big Brother All Stars… Oh who am I kidding? Who cares! Ok, fine if you didn’t watch because you were incredibly bored with these so-called All Stars or if you didn’t read Estee’s summary or any of the 13 previous summaries, then I’ll tell you quickly while I stick a fork in my eye…
Kaysar and James are on the block because Janelle won the POV and took herself off after being nominated by this week’s HOH, Danielle, who is the first HOH, besides co-HOH Jase in week 1 that was not from season 6. *takes a breath* Before that, Janelle was HOH and nominated Diane and Erika. That week the POV was won by Booger (Yes, I call him Booger. Why? You got a problem with that?) who took himself off and was replaced by Diane…and before that Jase left after he replaced George who took himself off with the POV when he and Will were nominated by HOH James. *takes another breath* Prior to that, Nakomis, who was nominated by HOH Kaysar along with Diane, and neither was saved by the POV winner of that week, who was Erika, was evicted along with several tattoos, who were, in fact, also Big Brother All Stars voted back into the house, but nobody knows how they got there unless Mr. ChenBot aka Les Mooooooonves threw them in when no one was looking. *takes another breath* …and previous to that, when Jase and Janelle were co-HOHs they nominated Alison and Danielle to dispense with the evil in the house as quickly as possible, when Janelle won the POV and didn’t use it, they sent Alison packing. Am I babbling? Which brings us back to the beginning of this horrible drek they are trying to pass off as some big wonderful show by calling it “All Stars” when America voted to send a bunch of morons with no lives who can waste another entire summer doing nothing back into the house and CBS chose some others to throw in to make a supposedly more interesting fight over who rides the hamster wheel! *takes a breath* *puts down fork*
OK? Now you’re all caught up. Any questions? No? Good!
Soooo… Kaysar is not surprised by his nomination and James tells us he is a
pond pawn. Kaysar is shown talking to Erika in the backyard about her vote and reminds her of how he campaigned for her to stay in the house when she was up on the block. James reminds us he has the power to nullify an eviction vote. Kaysar then talks to George in the store room and afterward, to Booger in the bug room. He’s trying to get a feel for everyone’s votes and does some really lame campaigning to stay. His heart is just not in it this year. Maybe we should have brought Jennifer back to light his fire and give him the passion to stay! OK. Maybe not. *barf* *sticks fork in eye again*
…and now! Live! Directly from the living room! It’s the All Star Hamsters! *applause* Uh… I mean *yawn* ChenBot 7.0 has some lame, preprogrammed by the producers, questions. *yawn* *checks watch* *wonders if it’s over yet* Get on with the voting!!!
ChenBot 7.0 introduces us to Will and Booger’s mommies! WTF? Why are we seeing them? Don’t they usually show the nominated hamsters’ loved ones?
Anyway… Will’s mom tells us that Janelle’s flirty talk with her son is all just strategy. In other words, she ain’t planning no Big Brother wedding special for those two. Not just yet anyway, unless CBS foots a very large sum of money to do it. What? They did it before with Romber! Never put it past them. Will’s mom really wishes Howie would stay away from her little boy because, I guess in her eyes, Will just doesn’t swing that way. Hmmm… maybe she’s a bit afraid of what reality she may have to face if her boy decides to act on his feelings for Howie and perhaps even come out of the closet. KIDDING! Ok, maybe I’m not kidding. What are you going to do about it? *picks up fork again* *takes a breath* Yeah. I thought so.
Anyway… Booger’s mom tells us he was born when she was 19 (I think it was 19, I don’t recall because at this point I was wiping the blood from my eye), he didn’t have a dad around and he was a chubby kid. Then when he got older, he became an athletic supporter and lost a lot of weight. What? Ummm… She tells us Booger and Erika have a secret alliance! Gee. Does Will know about this? I think I saw Will giving Booger some bedroom eyes and he won’t be too happy when he finds out.
The ChenBot comes back on the screen and tells us… the votes are live… the votes are live… the votes are live… *kick* Whirrrr… Now let’s talk to Danielle, our current HOH… our current HOH… our current HOH… *kick* Whirrrr… excuse me…
*runs out of room, fetches ChenBot 7.1, replaces old model*
The new ChenBot gets through some lame questions about Danielle coming out too strong in the beginning and some stuff about James and whatnot. *yawn* Then we get some diary room scenes from Marcellas, Will, Howie, Erika, George, Janelle and the Booger. *yawn* Get on with the voting!!!
Now the nominees have a chance for their final words before the voting. They blah, blah, blah about their houseguests and how much of an honor it is to be here… *yawn* James has to enter the diary room to decide if he will choose to nullify anyone’s vote before they begin. James goes in and chooses to nullify Janelle’s vote. Finally the voting! Everyone votes to evict Kaysar except Janelle and Howie. DUH! So since James nullified Janelle’s vote, Kaysar is evicted by a vote of 5 to 1. On his birthday!!! Best.present.ever! He should be happy that they gave him the gift of never having to put up with their moronic stuff anymore! He’s free! He leaves and the houseguests stand around in silence. When he gets outside with the ChenBot 7.1, she tells him that James is in a secret alliance with Danielle, Will and the Booger called the Legion of Dumb! Uh… I mean the Legion of Doom! and gives him some direct quotes from James about Janelle. We can conclude two things from this: 1) Given this information, there is no way Kaysar will be stuck in sequester and be on the jury and 2) there is no way in heck he’s getting voted back into the house this year! Not that he’d go for it again, mind you. Then we see the houseguests video messages. *yawn* *picks up fork* *pokes at the ChenBot 7.1* Zzzzzap! Pop! Bzzzz… *puts down fork* Excuse me a minute…
*rolls in ChenBot 7.2*
The ChenBot 7.2 tells us the HOH competition is coming up and there will be some help from past houseguests who have come back to haunt them! Erika sees a glowing orange face in the kitchen mirror and screams that it’s Alison! The other hamsters don’t believe her and laugh at her, telling her she’s been on slop too long. Janelle is laying down in one of the bedrooms and sees a face in the mirror as well. Then, there’s another one in the bathroom mirror and a bunch of them see it. The “ghosts” of the past hamsters remove some objects from the house.
Danielle, dressed in
normal clothes for the witch that she is séance clothing, tells the hamsters about what they will see. The hamsterghosts come on a screen to tell the All Stars what they have stolen from the house and we’re on to the HOH competition! Finally!
ChenBot 7.2 tells the hamsters that they will be answering questions based on the hamsterghosts they saw at the séance. This competition will be part of the “blast from the past” week, which will be a series of competitions done with the aid of hamsters from past Big Brother seasons. For the HOH, they will be asked a series of true/false questions. If anyone gets the answer incorrect, they are out of the game. If everyone is right, the slowest hamster will be out of the game. Here is the rundown of the questions and eliminations:
Question 1: The devil duck was stolen by Alison. False. Everyone was right, but George the slowest and is eliminated.
Question 2: Holly paged Dr. Delicious. True. Everyone was right and Marcellus is the slowest.
Question 3: Bunky was sure Will could treat snake bites. False. Janelle got it wrong.
Question 4: The black knight was stolen by Eric. True. The ChenBot experiences a malfunction again and asks Howie for an answer. He says he hit it and hits it again, but everyone else had already answered, so he is the slowest.
Question 5: Josh said he loved Danielle like he loved bagels. True. Will is incorrect.
Question 6: The necklace that the chicken stole belonged to Janelle. False. Booger rang in last.
Q7. Bunky revealed himself before Holly. False. Erica is faster than James and is the new HOH.
Finally, the ChenBot 7.2 tells us and then the hamsters about the Coup d’Etat that she hinted about on last Thursday’s episode. For the next 3 eviction episodes, one hamster will have the power to overthrow the HOH’s nominations right before the vote. They will not be told what this power is or who has won it until next Thursday. Over the next few days, they will be given clues to a commonly used phrase in the house. They must give their answer in the diary room and each hamster has only one chance to answer. The first one to get it right will win the power, but they will not be told what the power is until next Thursday. The first clue is inside the house. The hamsters enter the house to find a sheep with a pink bow on it.
…and next week! It will be prom night in the Big Brother house! America can vote for certain categories such as “most likely to succeed” online at CBS.com. There is also text voting available for the titles of prom king and queen (at $0.50 per message).
A tribe original ©2006