LAST EDITED ON 06-20-08 AT 09:31 AM (EST)
…but there’s an “M” and an “E”, right Jen?
Previously on Hell’s Kitchen:
The wanna-be chefs teach some hot housewives to cook (someone forgot to ask me to be on the show, I’m hot!). The challenge comes down to Christina vs Corey. Surprise, surprise, Corey’s pissed that Christina won. We have more hot women during dinner service (again, someone forgot to invite me). Chef is pissed at Jen’s attitude and thinks Bobby is holding back. Chef singles out Christina as the best. She nominates Jen and Bobby. Christina says that everyone hates Jen’s attitude. She’s not a team player. Chef Ramsay asks the loaded question, “Who would you send home?” Christina says “Jen” but Chef, with a clever play on words, sends home Jen…eral Bobby. Chef was toying with everyone. Should Christina be worried that Chef Ramsay asked for her opinion and then ignored it? You betcha.
And here’s our Parade of Losers (Fire, woo woo woo woo woo woo, fire)
Petrozza – he’s shown first, is he our winner?
Shayna – couldn’t even get a job at a fast food restaurant because she’s too slow
Ben – shorting out someone’s entire electrical system as I type
Craig – You know he was wearing that toque not only for extra height but to cover up the huge scar he has on his head. One of his customers attacked him with a knife because his food sucked.
Rosann – the Fran Drescher of Hell’s Kitchen
Corey – God’s gift to men everywhere, that is if you consider Jason and LouRoss to be men
Dominic – has a rug that gives Donald Trump’s rug a run for the money
Jen – no TV screen in America is big enough to hold her head
Christina – helping to perpetuate the old stereotype that blondes are ditzy
Jason – President of the He-Man Women hater’s club
Matt – I wonder if he still has that migraine? I know I do.
Louross – He was smarter than Craig because Chef couldn’t ask him to take off his Mohawk so he still got a couple of extra inches of height over Craig.
Vanessa – hooked up with Mike Skupin from Survivor since they had something in common.
Bobby – General Bobby, court martialed by Chef Gordon
Sharon – kissing her career goodbye
Jen thinks everyone is threatened by her and that’s why you shouldn’t have friends. Then she tells Christina she appreciates her honesty. She acts all fake, telling everyone that whenever they need something she’ll be there. Nobody’s buying it. Corey says everyone’s out for themselves. Christina, who just got off the Good Ship Lollypop, says she hopes that Jen meant what she said. Corey knows better than Christina. She says Jen is fake and she’s done with what she says. She doesn’t care what Jen said, they’ve learned their lesson. Christina says she can’t trust anyone. Jen stomps around the room talking to herself, saying it’s not time to go yet.
Next morning, chef tells them they outlasted 11 chefs. He reminds them what they are fighting for, a chance to be executive chef at his new restaurant. So far these people haven’t even shown that they’re capable of being executive pot scrubber at his new restaurant. The competition has gone up another notch. Now it’s time for the “mother” of all challenges. They have to come up with a dish for 80 of the most demanding, finicky, customers. They should bend over backwards to make them happy. (Oh Chef Ramsay, I’ll be happy to bend over and make YOU happy.)
Jen’s imagination runs overtime and she imagines that it might be celebrities like Beyonce, JayZ, 50 Cent. Chef says you want to make them happy, their votes determine the winner. They have 1 hour.
Everyone runs to the kitchen.
Christina: island turkey sandwich with curried avocado and heart of palm salad
She’s afraid the customers will be children and might not like it but she makes it anyway.
Corey: grilled salmon BLT with vegetable chips
Petrozza: Monte Cristo sandwich with ham and turkey, topped with spicy sauce
He works like the devil whipping his sauce. He says it’s got a little zip but it has to appeal to the masses so he’s going to keep the zip toned down.
Jen: grilled grouper with rum butter sauce and mango salsa on the side
Chef tells Jen to cook her heart out.
Everyone’s freaking out because there’s not a lot of time. Corey can’t cut the skin off the salmon. She’s starting to look like Petrozza, making a mess everywhere. Christina is singing to herself, this is going to be cute, woo hoo! Corey is, you guessed it, pissed. She can’t stand that Christina is calm as a cucumber. We see Jen cooking her salmon and Petrozza dipping his sandwiches in an egg batter. His station looks messy as usual.
Jen says that Petrozza’s dish looks like a heart attack dipped in a stroke with a side of cardiac arrest. She thinks her dish looks a lot better (big surprise!). Petrozza gets his food in the oven – it’s do or die time. Chef compliments Petrozza on being so organized.
Chef tells them to start plating their food. Everyone is putting food at their stations except Corey. JP opens the doors to let the customers in. Corey’s afraid she doesn’t have enough food because she didn’t prep enough. Petrozza starts jumping up and down with nervousness. Corey sees who’s coming in and curses.
Cut to commercial
Chef: “I told you you’d be feeding 80. I lied. It’s actually 160 customers.”
In walk 80 pregnant women, well, according to Petrozza, 80 very pregnant women.
Chef: “I told you it was the mother of all challenges.” Oh Gordon you’re so clever!
Jen’s happy because pregnant women eat anything. I’m sure she’s hoping that old stereotype is true so that she has a chance of winning the challenge.
Here comes fake Jen again, “Oh, what are you having, a boy or a girl?” Christina reminds the customers she’s the green plate. Corey has to race back to the kitchen for more food. That left one pregnant lady a little put-out. “She still has to make it.”
Corey thinks that it if were men she’d have an advantage (because she’s God’s gift to men) but because it’s bitchy pregnant women she feels like she’s lost this challenge from the very beginning. Wow, I thought it was all about your cooking ability, not your ability to flirt with the customer. Maybe if she had enough food to feed the customers she would have a chance to win.
Christina seizes an opportunity and goes over to Corey’s to serve her dish. Christina is pimping herself (too bad Jason is gone already, he would make a good pimp). Petrozza works the crowd, talks about the zip in his food, the ladies like a friendly face. Perozza is a dad so according to the ladies he knows what he’s doing. My husband is a dad and he has no clue how to cook anything. Jen still acts all fakey fakey serving her grouper from the tray to the ladies. It’s weird watching Jen suck up to the customers. Jen says she has the most complicated dish. The others just have sandwiches so she deserves to win hands down. I wish I had a dollar for every time Jen has said that she deserves to win.
Chef goes into the kitchen and yells at Corey to get some food out. He doesn’t want them to give birth while they’re waiting for their food. Jen pimps her orange plates some more. Corey finally gets more food out to her table. More pimpage - “I’m yellow and I’m Petrozza.”
Everyone is eating. Chef loves to hear those yummy noises. Finally it’s time for Chef Ramsay to deliver the results. Chef thanks everyone for not giving birth.
In last place, Corey. Chef is disappointed. Well the girl had no food for the customers to taste so what did he expect? Corey likens herself to a roller coaster going down, down, down (oh, so THAT’s why she’s God’s gift to men!).
In 3rd place, Jen. Surprisingly, she’s shocked to get third. She feels she put a great dish out there today.
Chef announces this was the closest ever, only 2 votes separate the winner. Petrozza is dying. And the winner of the most demanding challenge is Christina. Applause.
Poor Petrozza – “2 votes, 2 votes, ah come on!”
The reward is a shopping trip in Beverly Hills. Jen feels she’s more of a fashionista by far than Christina and would have been better with that reward. I thought the reward was based on their cooking ability, not their fashion sense, no?
The punishment – clean the dining room, polish the silver and glass. Chef rubs it in with Petrozza about the close vote. Jen says she sees a lot of turkey plates for Christina to have won. Jen stuffs it in her mouth so apparently it’s not only pregnant women who will eat anything. They all complain about how they want to go shopping. Corey says Christina doesn’t even like clothes and we hear once again that Christina has no style. If Christina has such lousy fashion sense (and we find out later that she does) then this is the perfect reward for her to have won.
In the limo, Christina has her hair pulled back and has glasses on. She reveals to Gordon that her Grandma picks out her clothes. Chef loves Beverly Hills. They get to the Lisa Kline shop, where Lisa Kline herself will dress Christina. Chef is surprisingly animated. He seems excited to see Christina try on clothes. He keeps telling her how good she looks. Either Chef is faking it or he is kinda girly and loves clothes shopping.
Cut to the kitchen where the losers are still griping that they didn’t get to go shopping. Jen reminds us again that she is here to WIN! (Thanks for telling us that, sweetheart, I seemed to have forgotten because it’s been so long since you reminded us of that.)
Back in Beverly Hills, Chef tells Christina to take her hair down and take off her glasses. He tells her she looks like Elizabeth Hurley. Christina, “Chef stop flirting!”
Back at Hell’s Kitchen, Christina makes the huge mistake of showing off her winnings. Corey and Jen are really sarcastic. She shows them a $200 shirt. Jen doesn’t like metallic. As Christina goes off to change, Jen’s back in fakey fakey mode. “Alright, see you soon.” Jen says she could have done way better on that shopping trip. Then she does some weird Steve Urkel fake white girl imitation “Hi, guys” and does some weird wiggle of tongue, perhaps trying to unseat Corey as God’s gift to men. Petrozza loves that Corey and Jen are jealous.
The chefs start prepping for dinner while Christina gets changed. Christina shows up to help with prep and no one wants to tell her what to do. She has to ask 3 times what she can do to help. She said that it was a little cold and that winning the challenge may have put her closer to the chopping block.
Petrozza thought it sucked that Christina won challenge, but feels it’s not worth worrying about. Petrozza recognizes that all services are about teamwork and he’s the first to tell Christina what to do. Then Corey chimes in with her suggestions. She says it’s not about winning challenges, it’s about winning the entire competition. Finally, 2 people who really get it.
Chef pumps them up, reminds them again what they will (might) win, the stakes are enormous, you all equally deserve to be here, blah, blah, blah. He tells them to unite as a team, emerge as individuals. Chef is more excited than we usually see him. It must have been either the pregnant women or the shopping that got him like that.
Hell’s Kitchen opens, JP takes orders. The first order, one scallop and one risotto. We actually see Corey and Jen communicating, talking timing together.
Chef: “Corey” huge pause “…..nicely cooked, the scallops.”
Chef: “Jen” another heartstopping pause “….stunning, stunning risotto.”
Jen: “I rocked that risotto!” She kisses her hand to heaven and gets shoulder strain patting herself on the back.
Cut to dining room, shots of people having orgasms while eating their food. Chef says this is the best start we’ve ever had. The appetizers are flying out of the kitchen.
There’s a sudden change in mood. Chef yells, “Jen, pick it up!” Chef grabs the pan of risotto with a towel over the handle. The risotto is no longer stunning. The rice is mush. He starts screaming at Jen, “It proves you don’t taste what you send. Listen Jen! Have you switched off? The spoon is crushing the rice! Listen, Jen and concentrate!” Jen does not want to go home, chef is complaining she’s too slow and keeps riding her.
Now the risotto is excellent. “It’s amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it. You just confirmed how lazy you are. You can only do it when it suits you. You blow hot and cold.” Jen half-heartedly agrees with him, “Yes, chef.” You know she’s cursing him out in her head. “Stunning, bland, stunning, bland.” Wow, he’s really laying into her. In her confessional she actually admits she was inconsistent but couldn’t believe he wasn’t taking it.
The rest of the kitchen moves onto entrees. Corey does a good job with the salmon. Christina has a fire going on the stove. We see a camera shot of all the pots lined up on the stove with the handles turned out (which I learned waaaaay back in 6th grade Home Ec was a no-no but that’s another story). Chef calls for more salmon garnish. Christina brings the pot with a towel on the handle. She doesn’t leave the towel. In previous episodes, we always see Gordon grab the handle with his towel. This time he doesn’t use a towel. He burns hand on the handle and surprisingly enough lets out a string of curses. Christina looks mortified. Chef screams at Christina, “Don’t’ stop and look stupid like some thick cow!” He curses and runs his hand under cool water. He starts lecturing her that if the handle is over the stove, say something.
Jen: Chef was burned bad. Oooh Christina you’re in trouble! I’m telling mommy! She practically pees herself with excitement that someone else is in trouble and getting yelled at besides herself.
Corey tells Christina, “Don’t burn Chef.” That’s like telling someone after they’ve had sex, “Use a condom.” Chef tells Christina again if the handle is over the flame, say something. “One more time and you’re finished.” Christina assures us “it’s not gonna happen again, trust me.” So of course you know she will. Chef gets burned again, starts screaming, “I’ve had enough!”
Jen: “You could smell the skin burning across the room. I’m like “Damn!”” She doesn’t care that Chef Ramsay is burned, just that someone else is in trouble.
To demonstrate to Christina that pots do indeed get hot when you use them on the stove, Chef Ramsay pours water over the pot and the water sizzles. Chef thinks she’s doing it on purpose. One more time he tells her that if the handle is over the flame she should tell him. Christina is still in it, she’s not finished. Apparently Gordon’s like my husband, “do that again and you’ll be sorry” “I mean it one more time and you’’re gonna be punished” “Next time you’ll be sorry you ever did that.”
Now Chef Ramsay claps his hands and says let’s start over – apparently the burns aren’t too bad which makes me wonder if it was all a set-up. I burned my hand last week and it took ½ an hour for me to be able to remove my hand from the cold water. Maybe Gordon is made of tougher stuff than I am.
Corey and Jen are working to finish apps. She asks Jen to cook the eggs. It’s her job. Jen says no. She has to cook more risotto. Christina volunteers to cook the eggs. She says Jen is stirring ONE risotto. “You mean you can’t stir risotto and cook eggs at the same time? That tells me you’re not a team player.” She’s just discovering that now? I bet you Christina also believes a guy when he says, “Don’t worry, I’ll pull out.”
Corey runs to get more eggs. Chef says he’s standing there with his pants down. I rewound several time and didn’t see him with his pants down. I was very disappointed. Jen works slowly on her risotto. Chef reminds her that it’s all about teamwork, it’s not about her, it’s about the Hell’s Kitchen team. Here comes fakey fakey Jen again, “Yes, Chef coming right up.” and suddenly she’s cooking eggs. Corey’s mad because Jen acts differently around chef. She’s sneaky, she will do everything to make herself shine, and she doesn’t care who she hurts along the way. You’re just discovering this now?
Now it’s Corey’s turn to screw up. She can’t get the tandori done on time. She didn’t finish cooking it but put it up not completely done, hoping it would slide by. It passed by chef but not the customer. Corey admits that if you try to slide one by Chef it bites you in the a$$. Chef asks if Corey is going down like Jen. Well, she IS God’s gift to men…
Suddenly we see everyone working hard. Who are these people and where have they been for the last 10 weeks? Chef calls out Petrozza for being a pig. Petrozza says that Chef has been riding him since the first day about how messy he is. He can’t help it because he’s into his work. Petrozza delivers some filets to Chef, the filets are “absolutely beautiful.” Chef doesn’t care if Petrozza works like a pig, his meat is beautiful. Petrozza is happy because chef finally sees past the mess.
Everyone works hard to finish the service. They’ve served the dining room in record time. Now elimination is coming up and everyone looks worried.
Chef looks worried, “Oh dear, I don’t know what to say.” Fake! Suddenly he’s high-fiving everyone, “Tonight was extraordinary!” Petrozza loves to see Chef’s sense of humor after the cursing. It was a significant improvement. Best service in Hell’s Kitchen. Chef tells them to go and come to a consensus on which 2 are up for elimination.
Petrozza feels sad that they finally came together as a team, had a great service and still have to eliminate someone. Jen, “I’m actually getting a heart now.” Petrozza’s eyes pop out of his head, “You cold b!tch! You finally feel you have a heart? Why, because you think your a$$ is on the block?” Corey suggests that each person writes down 2 names. It can’t be the same name. Christina gets 3 votes. Corey asks Christina if she wrote down her own name. She says no. Corey says she didn’t write down Christina’s name, so someone wrote her name down twice. Jen and Petrozza don’t admit to voting twice. Hmmm, lets do the math, shall we? Who do we know who’s a lying, calculating witch who feels she deserves to win this competition and has no friends and would do anything to win? Anyone?
Okay, time for a sing-along. We all have heard this song before so we know the words,
Jen, why don’t you lead us in song?
I don’t think I need to be up there
I feel like everyone’s threatened by me
That’s why they continue to put me up
I can’t see that anyone deserves this more than me
The other 3 try to figure out who to put up against Jen. Corey feels she deserves to go up against Jen, but this could bite her in the a$$ (as happened earlier when she sent out undercooked food).
Chef thanks them for a good service but unfortunately someone is going home.
The first nominee is Jen – They don’t feel like the teamwork with Jen is strong enough. She’s the weakest link.
The second nominee is -
The second nominee is Corey. Chef seems surprised. Christina says it was based on the morning challenge and that the team would like to see more out of her.
“Corey, why should you stay?”
“Tonight I did come back. I am a valuable asset to the team. I spend a lot of time helping the team. Sometimes that puts me behind but I think it’s important part of learning and becoming a great chef.” Corey keeps reinforcing the team concept. Jen smirks and Chef doesn’t seem to like her answer.
“Jen, from the bottom of your big a$$, I mean, heart, why should you stay?”
“You can feel my passion in the kitchen.” (That’s not true – I’ve watched every episode and I’ve never seen Chef’s hand anywhere near Jen’s “passion”.) “This is a huge opportunity. This will change my life. Nothing like this has ever happened to me or anyone in my family or anyone I know in my entire ancestral lineage. I’m gonna fight for it. Like you said it will be a dream shattered. I don’t see anything else in my future except maybe Denny’s.”
“Corey, what separates you from Jen? – besides a restraining order, that is.
“I am more honest. She’s lied to us about eliminations. I don’t think that’s someone you want working for you.” Jen cuts in “about the teamwork thing, I’m definitely a team player.” WTF? I came up strong because it’s competition and I know how much I want to win.”
“The person leaving Hell’s Kitchen….” We get a replay of their screwups –
**We temporarily interrupt this summary so that grit can administer CPR to her stricken teenage daughter.**
Christina looks in need of some CPR herself.
“…say goodbye to Jen. Jen take off your fashionable jacket. Keep your head up high. You grew, you matured, you listened, finally.” WHEN? I was watching the whole time. I must have missed that!
Jen once again informs us that “No one has more passion than me. I knew I had a good chance of winning this.” Apparently not. “I need to improve my attitude.” You think? We get a replay of all her temper tantrums. “This is the end for me. I just have to stay positive and strong.”
Chef tells them to kiss and hug, they’re the final three. Christina is so happy Jen is gone, she looks ready to pee from the excitement. Chef says tonight was almost perfect, next time you have to be even better. Petrozza gets singled out by Chef as the last man standing, well done.
“A great chef should not only be consistent with cooking but also with attitude. I never knew what I was going to get with Jen. That’s why it was her time to go.” Which was a nice way of saying her ego was too big for her talent, she was a whiny obnoxious ##### and we milked it for ratings for several episodes before we finally had mercy on the other contestants and the viewers and sent her home.
Next time on Hell’s Kitchen:
The final 3 are shocked by a mystery guest. Could it be family?
Everyone gets a chance to run the kitchen.
Corey can’t get words out. Christina is in tears. One chef takes it out on one person and Petrozza is seen yelling at someone (although based on past seasons it may just be Petrozza acting like Chef Ramsay when it’s his turn at the pass).
Handcrafted by RollDdice
ETF something that made it past speel chek.