Trapped is a good word to use. So far I feel as though I have been trapped into watcdhing this show, by the promise of a good series and so far it has turned into the Diva Viviana show. Wait a second Diva + Viviana = Diviana. yay I made a new name up, I feel so, so, whats the word, oh yeah, not dumb.
we get a little re cap of last week. Victoria has a bad problem with math, and reggie wishes he wouldn't let Diviana over power him. Funny that is what he said about that kid in summer camp in the shower too.
This week we are going to focus on ACTING- Brilliant-Thank You!...Master Thespian
then we get into the heart of the show. We get what we movie types like to call a montage. that means a bunch of snippets of carp to strung together to make us get whats going on. You will never guess what is going on now. Apparently a lot of contestants on this show "love competition, hate losing and love to win"
Then we talk to our casting director Victoria. She helped cast "Castaway" you know. I think she was the one who went down to the sports store and bought Wilson, so she ended up getting a "casting" credit. She says "we are grooming them to be stars"
Do you smell that? Take a good wiff. Thats right I see a segway comming. Quick Duck!
Tina (our host) then introduces us to Brenda Cooper. Brenda hosts "Fashion Emergency" on E!. To me Brenda looks like a cross between Cher and Morticia Aadams. She is going to take them to a beauty salon so they can get...are you ready... segway is comming to a full and complete stop.....groomed.
Never saw it comming.
Brenda says that we are going to make pause for dramatic effect "Major Changes" in some people. Apparently the words did not sink into our band of action Wannabe's, because Cher, hears some laughing. Contestant John says "Let's do it". what do you expect from someone who looks like Jack Osborne?
We haven't heard from the star of our show yet Sam um I mean Diviana. Diviana starts to talk and we are introduced to the two costars of this episode, Diviana's breastesess.Morticia asks her not to touch them anymore, someone has Jugs envy if you ask me. Diviana needed to share her feelings with Brenda and the rest of the group because, well they needed to know her opinion. Diviana was telling everyone how she likes Blue eyes, and has contacts for them, she doesn't like her own brown eyes. this is where it gets good Ms. Fashion Emergency tells her "You need to be the best you can be with what you were given". WTF? Now everyone to the salon so we can change you, majorly change you with what you were given of course.
Diviana touches her Maracas again
But first Victoria has our partners for the week.
Sean and Linda
John and Corrine
Jared and Me`lisade
Mark and Jeanne
Greg and Michelle
Todd and Laura
Santino and Mae
Young and Krista
Matt and Somere
Harold (House) and Diviana and her cans
Before we get started again, I just want to comment on some of the contestants:
1.)Jared~ way to make that diet fame last more than 15 minutes
2.)Harold~isn't even close to the size of a house, so how did he get the nick name?
3.)Me`lisade~ what kind of name is that anyway
We get to the Salon and not the one on Bravo's (which is owned by NBC) "Blowout". Way to miss an excellent cross promotion network guys in charge of cross promotion and stuff like that.
At the salon we get the guys not wanting to be there., because well they are guys. Since House has no hair they have to just pluck his eyebrows.
Mae says she is scared of the getting a short haircut because she has had 4 bad short haircuts in her life. 4? It took you 4 bad haircuts to realize you didn't want short hair again. baby you need toget some sense, It took my mom just one time giving me a haircut that looked like it was a bowl cut, for me to never let her touch it again.
It has been three minutes and no Diviana so I guess it is time for her to show up again. this time we hear the sad story of a young ugly duckling who never felt she was pretty but now she is a swan, with the help of her friends Max and Factor.
House is screaming like a little girl when his eyebrow is plucked, but in his words he is still thugging!
Now the results! For the men, the MAJOR CHANGE was everyone, except House, gets spiked hair, and some turned blonde. For the women, short hair and some turned blonde. Apparently changing ones hair color is totaly different than putting in colored contacts because....ummm ...... Brenda said so?
Surprisingly Diviana isn't happy with her look. She feels that she was taken from an exotic bird to a "lookalike wannabe Salma Hayek". This is the first of two Salma refrences in this week's episode.
During the photo shoot we once again are shown Diviana's "girls". They are getting more airtime than a 747.
Let's all go to dinner now shall we? During dinner everyone starts to study their scripts titled "Trapped". Diviana and harold go off to a trailer that happens to be in the restaurant's parking lot? huh? They try to rehearse but Harold isn't into it and then it becomes a discussion of respect. Blah Blah Blah.
Jared didn't rehearse because he was tired and had a long day. Yeah getting my 1 1/2 inches of hair spiked at a salon all day tires me out too. I know where you are comming from Dawg!
We have an early call the next day and we are heading to the Howard Fine Acting Studio. I never knew the Three Stooges had an acting studio. this ought to be good, lots of slapstick!
WRONG! the Howard Fine Acting Studio was not named after the real last names of the Three Stooges, but after some real "actor" guy named Howard Fine. tina tells us that our instructor for the day is none other than Mr Howard Fine himself. GET OUT! with this we get a look of appathy from all the contestants. He has taught Brad Pitt and Salma Hayek. There it is the Salma daily double has been hit!If you picked her to come in first at the beauty salon and second at the acting studio you won $526.00.
When he walks out Jeanne has a dopey I am in love with him all ready look. Howie tells us that in acting the character is You and You are the character. Three minutes are up and it is of course time for Diviana to share with Howie and the class her feelings on this because howie and the class need to know her feelings.
Diviana feels that that the acting philosophy of Stanley Lowski is wrong. Now I for one did not know who Stanely or as his friends call him Stan slowski was, so I googled him. He is a maker of bowand arrow equipment. So Diviana doesn't want to take acting philosophy from a weapons maker? How stupid is she. Wasit Sir John Guilegood or Pauly Shore? one of the two, was a great catapult maker. And those guys know acting, so listen up Diviana.
And at this point we can tell that either 1.) Diviana is cold or 2.) she has two turkeys that are done baking. I heard they are going to replace the Olsen twins in the "Full House" movie.
They are given an excercise to express intamacy. they are going to touch each other. I think this is cheap porn for Howie. Jared lets us know that touching isn't groping but it is serious actor stuff. yeah right. actor stuff. No baby I wasn't taking advantage of you, I was "acting".
after we see a bunch of grown people touching each others faces, we hear Divian talking about respect again. Blah Blah Blah.
Now it is time for our screen tests. our Judges this week are
and Scot, poor guy can't even afford a second "T" in his name.
Random Comments from our Judges(it doesn't matter anyway NBC knows who will be going into the house):
Santino played injured best~Scot
Me`lisande was all over the map~Marki
Todd irks me~Marki
Matt kisses like a pro~Marki
That Diviana knows how to kiss~Marki
What is with marki and her kissing thing?
When Sean does his screen test with? do you remember his partner, are you paying attention to this summary? there will be a quiz later. The correct answer is Linda. But Sean has this dorky smile on his face the whole time, but the judges love it?
I guess Corinne and John had to have their screen test cut to make room for Diviana's chest this episode, their's is the only one not shown.
Before we get to the results has anyone else noticed that when they do that little promo shot of the guy idoing hi Matrix look and the woman doing her karate chop, with an explosion behind them, that at the end they have someone who sounds like they are doing a bad Eddie Murphy laugh?
IT is time for The Netzero Highspeed Recap
Michelle feels as though the weight of the Asian American Community is on her shoulders, I am Shure Shii Ann from Survivor was glad to finally pass it on to someone.
Here are the 14 that will be going into the house:
The Weight of the Asian American Community crushed Michelle, but don't worry you still have dat Phan from last season's Last Comic Standing to carry the torch!
Matt feels as though it was just another audition he didn't get except this time 3 1/2 million people saw him not get it. i think he has been to the Victoria school of math. no way 3 1/2 million people are watching this show. More people will probably read this recap than watched the show. My Tivo is laughing at me for putting this on there.
NEXT WEEK: looks like we get a brand new character! Diviana will bring in a new sidekick to compliment her Ta Ta's. We get to see Diviana's @SS!. that's right Diviana in a thong. Can't wait.
And now the actual disclaimer at the end of this show:
Contestans are informed of the rules and must meet eligibility requirements to receive announced prizes
pretty standard stuff there
Producers and NBC may have consulted on decisions regarding contestant selection and elimination and the awarding of retake and casting cards
here after known as the Brett Butler rule
Portions of this program not affecting the outcome of the competition have been edited
like both Corinne and John making it to the end and not showing their screen test
Contestants may alone or in concert, devise, discuss, or exchange strategies
Here after known as the Richard Hatch rule
The winners of this program contest were awarded a cash prize, in addition, they were considered for roles in a made- for -television movie for which they were ultimately selected
"considered" and "ultimately"? isn't this the whole premise of the show, that they would get to make a movie?
Until Next week kiddo's
Come in a stranger,leave a little stranger