Tonight on Survivor… 4 players, 3 Immunity challenges, 1 survivor! We’ll declare the ultimate survivor: Vanuatu. Okay, not us, but they’re out there somewhere, in another thread in another forum.
Don’t forget the Apprentice finale this Thursday. Who will win… Kelly or Jen? Be sure to communicate your thoughts with us leading up to the big ni... That’s NOT us either? Well what do we have here? My big fat WHAT? You’re kidding right? Oh… well then… yeah… Can I at least WATCH the Survivor finale? …Gotcha.
For the two of us remaining on Fox tonight I present the one the only: MY BIG FAT OBNOXIOUS BOSS EPISODE 5 SUMMARY EXTRAVAGANZA!!!! Complete with million dollar… idiots. Challenges that will test the contestants… stupidity, along with the viewer’s will power. Don’t miss a minute!... Could you at least pretend along with me for the sake of this summary? Thanks!
Previously on MYBOB (hehe, my bob, I like it!) I took liberties with the F, because this boss guy is anything but fat. Fat headedness is arguable… then again, he’s not really a boss, he’s an actor, just like everyone else. Well he’s not really an actor, but he plays one on reality tv. Hey, it’s a gig, right?
Anyway, previously on BOB (Now I took out the MY part, though I’m not why, since I’m sure it is mine, and mine alone.) /tangent. PREVIOUSLY on BOB: The teams were split into teams equally proportioned by hotness as defined by Mr. Paul John George Ringo and his gay sidekick, ##### Grayson (insert your own immature comment here). Basically they took two blondes, put them with a couple of guys, lather rinse repeat. Robert, who is still short, comments that his team is the “hottest” though I’m not sure I totally agree… teams being equally proportioned, of course.
After that, they receive their next task. They must sell completely useless junk, team who makes the most wins! Now was excited to see them go about selling this stuff mainstream, but instead they go to where any junk hording societial delinquent would go to get crap off their hands… A flea market! Naturally, they sell out completely… Actually, no one team did better than the other using the equally proportioned hotness they were equally handed out. Equally.
Then, in the boardroom, in truly Survivoresque fashion, it was men vs. women as Kerry and Tonia face the firing squad (ok, only one of them will actually GET to face the firing squad) as the one who placed 5th in the Miss Blonde Bimbo of BOB Competition gets dismissed, the other 4 remain to challenge for the throne. Who will get shot down in their dream of fake reality reality tv hall of loser fame? Find out now! Or stay tuned to Survivor: Vanuatu the Finale.
We begin with Kerry starting her day off with a roofie, and a smugness, that I cannot comprehend, for surviving for another round of Apprentice, We Ain’t. Her and Damien both comment about how much more cohesive a team they have than Team Jugs, despite the fact that Team Jugs just finished whooping the heck out of them at a flea market. Clip of team Jugs themselves wandering around in their p.j.’s, or underwear, whichever. It doesn’t matter, they could be naked, no one’s watching. Meanwhile, in Vanuatu Room 634, Chicago Iocorp Motel 6, it’s clearly boys vs girls, home edition! Nope, wrong show… Still here at BOB. Everyone’s claiming they need to win the next task. Hopefully it’s a suicide mission! At least it won’t be a tie, right?
TREEMAIL, the extremely old fashioned kind, where deliverer of said mail, gives said mail to a “runner”. The “runner” runs the mail to the “recipients” who receive the item. No use of Fed Ex, or even the Pony Express. Nope, everything stays in house, literally. It’s the 2000’s, doesn’t everyone have cell phones? Fax? Anything?
The mail tells the “contestants” that they are invited to a corporate retreat. But since there’s no corporation and they’re not running away, I find this an oxymoron… but then again, what do you call the only idiot viewing the show… They’re all excited about the retreat because it means team building and bonding and girl scout cookies! They’re all ready for a fun weekend of campfire meetings and trust firings, all within the cozy confines of a 4 star resort, just like any normal corporate retreat. Heh, little they know, it’s tents and bugs here, with a side of public humiliation they signed up for, and with a barrage of lawyers making sure they signed here, here and here, while initialing here, here, here, here, here, … here, here, and here… Oops, don’t forget here, never mind the fine print. Off to Disneyland we go.
First off they’re invited to a dinner with the boss. Everyone’s getting ready, and excited about sitting down for a little meal with the big guy. Everyone but Blonde Bimbo 1, who exclaims “there’s going to be drinks in 10 minutes.” Let’s hope so, they owe us that much. Then I remember that there’s no way Fox knows my address to give me a drink, and I must suffer through this sober. Thankfully college wasn’t so tough on me.
And dinner. No chairs, they must squat on the floor in typical Japanese custom, of course. Mr. Paul John George Ringo then delivers their next task. They are to speak freely about their thoughts of him, with no repercussions. Sure. Replies consisted of “too much greed and power, “no substance”, “too arrogant”, “I don’t get the company” (this guy’s going to win!), and two guys still have sour grapes about the golf outing and Mr. Paul John George Ringo staying with the women. Personally, I’d have stayed with the women too, but then again I’m not an executive, so what do I know. Mr. Paul John George Ringo only replied with “Thank you. I appreciate that” much to their chagrin.
COMMERCIALS!!!! A movie, Fo!?!?!) advertising the V-chip, Nanny 911, local stuff.
And we’re back. Boys day out! Bar-B-Q with open conversation about the company and business, until Mr. Paul John George Ringo brings up the women. Talk then opens up to breasts and etc. etc. You know, high school conversation. The Boy Wonder asked Blond Bimbo #4 about his work out routine until the other boys brought the conversation back to it’s rightful place… boobies. They then question Robin’s sexuality in confessionals. Meanwhile I question my own sanity.
Then the men on full stomachs play some hoops. 3 on 3, and Mr. Paul John George Ringo is faking a bad game, though apparently he played in the NBA back in the 60’s when white men ruled the game. After the game he challenges the men to a $1000 bet on a 1 on 1 game to 11. David, who obviously doesn’t know when he’s being hustled accepts. To me it seems pretty obvious that when the worse player challenges the best player to a game with money on the line, something’s up… But I didn’t go to Harvard, so I could be wrong. Robert decides to go half with David because being 3’7” means he isn’t willing to play on his own. Let the boys play! I’ll spare you the gory details, and just say halfway through Mr. Paul John George Ringo starts “trash” talking by calling David a girl and a biotch. He even makes sure to bring up the Ecopons that they sold last week. David takes it without a single comment in return, but loses focus, and ultimately the game 11-6. Therefore, if he or Robert get fired tonight he’ll be out more money than he’s set to be payed for finishing 8th place. Let’s hope for their sake they win the real task.
COMMERCIALS!!!! Genital herpes cream (yeah). Kevin Kringle. Burger King. Sprint. Fructis. House.
And we’re back, well me. Challenge time. The challenge we’ve all been waiting for (again, just me). They all get dressed up to the hilt. Team bosses, it’s Blonde Bimbo #3 for winning the board room, and Blonde Bimbo #1 picks Blond Bimbo #2 to nobody’s surprise. They are then given the task of taking a bullet for their boss, immediately the audience (me again) perks up at the prospect. Maybe there’ll be viewer participation!!! But no luck, it’s paintballs. They must get the boss through the office obstacle course without getting shot by Rambo, played by Mr. Paul John George Ringo in this film. We’re in the D movie range at this point.
Team Jugs is up first, and they’re glad that their boss is short, so she can hide behind the others. Too bad Robert wasn’t chosen as a boss for his team, they’re going to lose for sure now.
Let the games begin! Michael and Kwame lead the way, with the Bimbo’s behind them. They are being pelted, and the ratings (coming from my house soley) begin to rise with every green splatter that finds body. They shuffle their way to the limo and out the back side. From there they’ve got to maneuver their way to the desk where the boss must sign their forms of release for the teams one more time, make their way to the copier and make 3 copies (one for each of their lawyers “see, it’s signed, we got permission”). Pelt Pelt Pelt. Oh NO! Paper Jam “paper jam” “paper jam” It’s a party now, they’ve got to fix the paper jam while Michael (who apparently played a goalie in his last reality show) takes an onslaught of bullets. Finally they can move on to the filing cabinet to file the forms safely away for the Fox execs. From there they maneuver their way to the finish line. Oh no, the boss took a hit! Time penalty? Nope. They end there? Nope. They’ve got to go back to the last station and start again from there. Well shoot, now I wish they would have pelted the boss from the beginning. Oh well, we’ve got one more team to cheer on as this team crosses with 1 boss hit.
COMMERCIALS!!!! Verizon. I Robot (I enjoyed). Stand online. American Idol the next season. Ford. Local news brief. Friends reruns on Fox.
Team two goes through the same course in roughly the same fashion, minus the paper jam. Though this one is a bit more humorous since Bimbo #3 is so tall, and David is crawling on the ground the whole way. Robert comments about being a former marine, but never being shot at. He whines like a little biotch the whole time, even throwing things off the desk. Again the boss is hit on the last leg and they must start the final leg again. They do so without event and both teams finish with one boss hit. A tie, okay, so time must come in to factor now, right, poor paper jam team. NO! Grrrr. They will have a 10 shot shoot off. They each pick one guy to shoot, whoever hits the target the most times out of 10 wins. If there’s another tie, I’m going home… oh wait, I’m there. So they pick the ex-marine Robert and Michael to do the shooting. Robert is a shoo-in right? Well Michael goes first, and literally hits every other one for 5. Robert then shows us why he’s an EX-marine promptly coming nowhere close on the first 3 before getting a couple hits, a miss, a couple more hits then 3 nowhere close coming up short(pun intended) with 4. Team Jugs win again!!!
COMMERCIALS!!!!!!! PS2 Game. Taco Bell. Cingular rounding out the 3 cell companies. Finally something worth watching as 24 returns in January. News brief. Safe Auto. Pizza Hut. Trading Spouses.
And back at long last. The men plus Blonde Bimbo #3 and #4 enter. Mr. Paul John George Ringo firstly collects the $500 from each loser before he eliminates one of them. He says they were working together with loyalty, selflessness and trust. But trust friendship and loyalty are temporary assets. He trusts the 2 sitting next to him, and they’d take a bullet for him, but shoot him in the back to get ahead, that’s why they’re valuable. He “mistrust(s) them. That’s why (he) trusts them.” Let that stew, the editors did. Blonde Bimbo #3 is clearly shaken. Mr. Paul John George Ringo says further that in business you get betrayed, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Blonde Bimbo #3 decides to put up the two men and keep Bimbo #4 safe, those bimbo’s need to stick together.
So with just David and Robert left, Mr. Paul John George Ringo tells them that they must answer his questions in just 5 words or less.
What is your personal mission statement?
David: To impact people’s lives.
Who Cares? (that’s what we’ve been saying for a while)
David: I care, to fully utilize my strengths. ( a bit more than 5, must be new math)
Jamie actually buzzes him on that. That’s right, she buzzed him with the extra words, he must try again.
David: I care, and you care. (sure)
What’s your personal mission statement?
Robert: To have fun in life.
Why work at Iocorp?
Robert: To make lots of money.
Why do you want to work at Iocorp?
David: I now respect the boss
David: I like following good leaders.
David: To utilize our greatest strengths.
What do you wish you would have told me already?
Robert: In business, I’m your man.
David: I want more than money.
Me: I’m going to vomit.
They are excused to “talk over their decision”.
Mr. P: Time to see the boss. (wretch)
COMMERCIALS!!! News and weather brief. Dell. Subway. Collateral DVD. New Chevy.
Guess who’s back, back again.
Mr. P: Go get the young me.
Robin: Me go get them now. (is this even grammar?)
Mr. Paul John George Ringo now gets to openly criticize them asking them only to reply the same as him “thank you, I appreciate that.”
Apparently David’s got a good jumper, but he’s easily thrown off his game “Thank you. I appreciate that.” Robert’s got a good game, but he’s not a clutch performer. “Thank you, I appreciate that.” David is smart and handsome, but too nice(WTF?!?!) and nice guys finish last. “I appreciate that, thank you”. Robert’s a loose cannon and runs his mouth. Big mouths blow big deals. “Thank you. I appreciate that.” It’s been fun Bob, but you’re still short. Get the hell out of my office. Robert then invites him to Manhattan. David is now team boss, but can be eliminated due to only being 3 left in his team.
Robert doesn’t do business with people he can’t trust and threatens Mr. Paul Todd George Ringo with a paintball gun. Thank you, WE appreciate that.
Next time on BOB: Another rummage sale with trash becoming art. I see another flea market on the horizon!! So stay tuned, or not, it doesn’t matter, it’s Fox.
don't like sunlight, keep me away from water, don't feed me after midnight