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"Official RTVW Celebrity Apprentice Summary: Episode 3""
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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"

01-19-08, 04:12 AM (EST)
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"Official RTVW Celebrity Apprentice Summary: Episode 3""
LAST EDITED ON 01-21-08 AT 00:34 AM (EST)

Prove that you have what it takes to make it in my world.

14 Celebrities
14 Egos, (maybe a few more)
More drama than a soap opera

These interns have no assistants, no agents, just their own brains and wits. Who will make it through the toughest job interview to win their dream part, advance their career and win money to donate to their favorite charity?

Letís see how they did Last week on Celebrity Apprentice:

Both teams were asked to produce an ad for Pedigree pet adoption. Empresario ask us to love a good dog and help them find a home. Nely Galen took charge and pushed Nadia. Boo, hiss.

Gene Simmons was Hydraís project manager who felt he didnít need to meet with the clients. In his mind, he knew what the client wanted. Stephen Baldwinís direction of the commercial tells us we are a champ with a big heart if we adopt. Anyone with even a little heart will awww at the cute playful bulldog. (I even went out and bought a can of Pedigree for my dog. Now Iím a champ.)

The men won, while the women started attacking Nadia Comaneci. All I could see was this young woman clinging to a balance beam, bending her feet over her head and breaking into a large smile. Mr. Trump breaks into my daydream. Nadia I love ya, but youíre fired.

If you want to know more check out mattbenís summary for episode 2.

The Sorcerer and the Apprentice

The sun rises over the creator of this reality show, Mark Burnett and then New York. The creator watches from above. The celebrity interns walk across a dock in an old shipyard. A long black limousine pulls up. Ivankaís long legs exit first. The old sorcerer, Trump stands before them and ask; Vinnie how many bodies are buried in the river? I ainít squealing.
Ha Ha, laughs Mr. Trump. *everyone joins in*

That old sorcerer has vanished
And for once has gone away!
Spirits called by him, now banished,
My commands shall soon obey.

I will leave eyes and ears behind to watch over you. You all know my daughter Ivanka. I also will leave Jim Cramer who hosts the Mad Money show on CNBC.

How are you Nely, after shoving Nadia in front of the bus? I cried all night sir.

Gene, you were PM for the guys, come walk with me.

Every step and saying
That he used, I know,
And with sprites obeying
My arts I will show.

I must leave my workshop. I have a few chores for you to perform. Here is $20 $thousand$ for your charity. Itís mere pennies, but if you obey my key rules you will gain more. Who is your charity? Sir, itís The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation.

I like you Gene, thatís why I am personally training you. Just follow my words and you will receive the keys to the kingdom.

Key 1: People want to do you favors, even if it cost them money. If youíre smart you will use yourself as a commodity. But you still have to be out there working.

Key 2: Good leaders are born not made. With a few brains you can develop yourself into an ok leader. Good leaders are born not made.

Key 3: Always listen to the people paying the bills. Always listen to the client. Even if the client is wrong, listen or he wonít hire you. ALWAYS listen to the client.

The Sorcerer takes his hat of and sets it down.

*trump walks Gene back to the group*

Now hereís an option for you Gene. I would like to recommend you join Empresario's team as Project Manager. They really need some leadership because I havenít seen it. *the women scream as Gene walks over* Trump says: Now that has become an interesting team.

And you Sir are the Devil! Replies Gene.

The sorcerer, Trump turns to the assembled group: OK, letís get to the task. With me are two Kodak executives. Kodak has reinvented itself, it has gone digital...

Jim Cramer interrupts; I give it two thumbs up.

... and nobody takes better pictures than Kodak. Kodak executives, tell us the task.

You are to create a Kodak Mobil Printing Experience, or KMPE. We want you to create an experience that we can take worldwide. We will give you an Airstream trailer bus, cameras, and our new printer.

The winning team will be chosen on originality, brand messaging, and profit.

The old sorcerer starts to yell; tomorrow you will demonstrate your KMPE on the streets of New York. The winning team, *he looks at Gene* will get a big fat check for their charity. The losing team will meet me in the boardroom. And SOMEONE will get fired. The sorcerer swings around and takes off with all his minions.

Gene runs over to where the Sorcererís hat and broom stands.

Come, old broomstick, you are needed,
Take these rags and wrap them round you!
Long my orders you have heeded,
By my wishes now I've bound you.
Have two legs and stand,
And a head for you.
Run, and in your hand
Hold a bucket too.

*The sorcererís apprentice picks up the broom, holds it in the air and begins to chant*

This is the role I was born for.
Every man wants to be, but
Today I have become the King of women.

*and with that said he puts the hat upon his head*

Gene enters the van where Empresario waits.

Letís get one thing straight. I am the benevolent Dictator. The Sorcerer gave me that power. I am the team leader, do we all understand that? Omarosa gasp: What the ....? He has cast a spell on all the other girls. Am I the only one to see whatís going on?

Sir, may I call the executives to set up an appointment?
I can only allow two to go. Nely and Carol.
Sir, may I get you some water?
No thanks.
Sir, may I rub your neck?
Yes dear Nely. *she looks at him adoringly*

Gene tells us: Gene Simmons doesnít need to sit with executives and hear the party line. They are looking outside the box, so that means I am Mr. Outside the Box.

*Gene strokes his hat* Itís a Kodak world...

This task is over in 10 minutes, Checkmate in one move.



As Hydra prepares to meet with the executives, they make Tito Ortiz the Project Manager. Iím glad they saw the hard work Iíve put in. Letís listen to what Kodak has to say and what they want to push.

Hydra, Kodak wants to talk about the ink side of the business, along with our new printer. Bla, bla, bla, affordable ink, bla, bla, ink, bla, bla, bla, their ink, *points to a huge stack of paper* our ink * points to a quarter stack of paper* WOW!

Piers Morgan states: What you are really selling is the astonishing ink not the printer. The Kodak man says you are very astute and correct. We call it an ink revolution. Weíre in a battle. Piers states: Youíre in a fight and this is a knock out punch. He looks at Tito who tightens the knot on his tie.

Empresario saunters in next. Hi yíall, Iím Nely, I am, I mean we are just what you need to promote your product. Gene stayed home to create a great piece of work. When we set up our Airstream, do we sell or will you be there?

May I speak? Ask the executive. We can print this many photos with our printer and ink. Our ink is...Nely states: I didnít know you made a printer. I always thought about Kodak.....yada, yada, yada. Oh, Carol would you like to ask any questions? Carol just shakes her head no. She thinks to herself, weíve lost them.

Nely runs back to the apprentice king and tells him what she heard. This is the most important, they are selling printers. The buzz word is experience.

The apprentice king screams, NO! They are wrong. They donít know what they need. I have the sorcererís hat. I now think like the sorcerer. I know better than Kodak what they need. *he calms himself* Itís a Kodak world, welcome.

The apprentice tries to grab the broomstick. But it doesnít want to be caught. Now what was the key the old sorcerer told me?

Stop now, hear me!
Ample measure
Of your treasure
We have gotten!
Ah, I see it, dear me, dear me.
Master's word I have forgotten!

Can I never, Broom, appease you?
I will seize you,
Hold and whack you,
And your ancient wood
I'll sever,
With a whetted axe I'll crack you.

The apprentice strikes out at the broom with his long tongue. The broom splits into several parts.

Woe betide me!
Both halves scurry
In a hurry,
Rise like towers
There beside me.
Help me, help, eternal powers!

The brooms sweep into Hydraís workspace and wait.

Hydra is brainstorming when Ivanka walks in. Steven Baldwin has taken over the meeting. No one can stop him after 36 cans of an energy drink. He jumps on the table. Piers calls him out and swings in the air. We need a knock out punch. We have a deal that will knock out the competition. The boys will crush the life out of the girls. Tito and Lennox, you are the print ad. Steven jumps up and down. I got it. The ink revolution thatís going to knock you out

At Empresarioís bus barn, Gene has all the ideas, while the girls do all the work. Well not the physical labor. Thatís being done at Hydra by Vincent Pastore, Lennox Lewis, and Trace Adkins. They return home after a long day to find Steven up on a table tap dancing. I need you Lennox and Tito on the table with your boxing gloves. Thatís it. Thatís good. Now take off your shirts. When the shirts hit the floor, the brooms wake up and head to the opposite side of the table.

Thatís it we have it. As the two boxers slid off the table, the brooms give a little push. The table falls causing a large cup of coffee to spills onto the laptop containing many hours of artwork for the trailer. Steven says it reality. Piers states: The reality is we have lost all our artwork. The brooms snicker and leave the room. Steven exits soon after to find an all night printer to make some banners.

The Next day:

Omarosa coaches Empresario as to what they are selling. Itís Kodak EasyShare Gene. The sorcererís apprentice writes the name of the product on his hand. (The king writes on his hand?) Gene steps out of the van and states: My role is King of the women. The ladies are better equipped to seductively sell any product. God has given them beauty, so it would be an insult to God to not use it. Think of me as doing Godís work.

Jim Cramer walks up to Marilu Henner. Howís it going? Well, you can see, itís a Kodak world welcome. Gene strolled over and grabbed Jimís hand. Letís walk around my trailer. Itís a Kodak world, Welcome, Itís a Kodak world. This is our message. Jim didnít have any advice or comment. It was kudos, good job, and very professional. Heís right of course. I tell him heís a powerful and attractive man. We have this task in the bag.

Hydra sends Trace to wait for Jim Cramer while they try to cover their trailer with banners. They agree itís amateur and not much can be done. Someone picks up one of the magic brooms and tries to sweep. It just makes more of a mess. Tito hopes that the judges can see past the outside and look for the idea they ran with: ink!

Trace greets Mr. Cramer with; Iíve got a stock tip for you. Lay it on me Trace. When Iím done exposing the world to what Kodak EasyShare will do, the stock is through the roof. Alright show me around. Itís the ink Mr. Cramer.

Jim tells us that Kodak will love this, but Iím getting mixed images.

Look at their trailer. You tell me. Donít you want to dump garbage here?

While Gene is dancing with the women, Hydra is out selling the ink. As Stephen tells the crowd about the revolutionary ink, his brother Alec Baldwin makes an appearance. Stephen sells him two printers for $2,000.

The Kodak executives are a little concerned to enter the trailer but Piers convinces them. Itís all about ink, Ink, INK!. We want to send people the message that Kodak is ink at an amazing price. Use our knock out image to tell the world that you have a knock-out deal on ink!

Hydra congratulates each other as Piers tells them: We pulled it out of the bag. Kodak is a knock-out.

The Boardroom

Night falls over Trump Tower. All the apprentices enter the board room.
They wait for the old sorcerer, Trump to enter. All eyes are on the door.

The Old Sorcerer, Trump walks in, sits down and looks at Gene. I believe you have something of mine. May I have my hat back? The apprentice slides the hat across the table. He chants:

Off they run, till wet and wetter
Hall and steps immersed are Iying.
What a flood that naught can fetter!
Lord and master, hear me crying! -
Ah, he comes excited.
Sir, my need is sore.
Spirits that I've cited
My commands ignore.

The Sorcerer chants:

"To the lonely
Corner, broom!
Hear your doom.
As a spirit
When he wills, your master only
Calls you, then 'tis time to hear it."

The brooms return back into the sorcererís hat.

Now back to business. Gene, how did you feel leading the women? It was exhilarating. We connected immediately. How about it Omarosa? Mr. Trump, it wasnít immediate. He introduced himself as the benevolent dictator. Everyone laughs. Gene my apprentice, tell me why you did not meet with the executives? This disturbs me. *Gene takes his sunglasses off*

My strength lies in the big picture. I did not want to pollute my mind with the small box thinking of corporate. If I was in the management, I would turn everything over to me, because Iím the cream of the crop. The old sorcerer sighs.

Jim Cramer my friend, what did you see? Mr. Trump, the womenís team had a nice set up but they didnít get the big picture. Hydra on the other hand was a mess. But once inside their trailer, the message of value ink was every where. Hydra is the team that understood the client.

Kodak also liked you Tito. You also raised the most money. Hydra you are the winner. Tito who do I write the $20 thousand check to. My charity is St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, sir. I congratulate you, now go back to the war room and watch what happens, it should be interesting.

The Losing Team:

Gene, what went wrong. Sir, I believe I did everything right. Kodak is wrong. You are saying that the client is wrong. Donít you remember Key #3? Iím trying to help you here. Sir we got it spot on, Kodak is wrong.

Ok, Carol who would you fire? The executives did not like Nely because she talked too much. Nely shouts out, is asking questions talking too much? Gene tells Mr. Trump that it doesnít matter how you get there, just the end product. I stand by what you saw on the street. Itís a Kodak world. Welcome. You know Gene, thereís a winner and a loser. You are the loser. Pick two people to bring back with you. Can I bring back one? You can.

I choose Omarosa. Why would you do that? Sheís not the reason you lost. Iím trying to help you, why donít you pick Nely? OK, give me a second name Gene. *Gene scowls* Youíre doing yourself a disservice. Give me a second name. *music plays* boom boom, ting ting, boom boom.

The screen goes black. What? Commercials? We are back.

Give me another name. Say Nely, the executives didnít like her. Who else are you bringing back? *Gene is now glaring at Mr. Trump*

Miss Finch! No kidding? Ok everyone out. Iíll call you three back.

Jim shakes his head and shouts: Heís just crazy.

I just donít understand his decision, this could be his downfall.

Annette let them come in.

Gene what am I going to do with you. You brought back two people I told you not to. Iím giving you a roadmap. But you are an independent thinker, a great marketer who will do the opposite of what I say. I disagree! States Gene proving the Sorcerer Trump to be correct. Gene I canít fire Omarosa or Jennie, they did nothing wrong.

Gene, I have no choice

Youíre Fired!

Geneís final words: I am more qualified than the Kodak executives to make those decisions because Iím in the people business. I stand by my convictions and decisions. Every one of them.
*pulls out a magic broom from his cowboy boot*
And this will help my next endeavor.

Come, old broomstick, you are needed

Now he can get back to what he does best.

Thanks for taking the time to read my view of the Sorcererís Apprentice. If you would like to see what RTVW has to say about episode 3, use this link.

The poem is from The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 1779, translation by Edwin Zeydel, 1955

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Official RTVW Celebrity Apprent... Sagebrush Dan 01-19-08 1
 RE: Official RTVW Celebrity Apprent... mattben 01-20-08 2
   RE: Official RTVW Celebrity Apprent... kircon 01-21-08 3

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Sagebrush Dan 9824 desperate attention whore postings
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01-19-08, 01:19 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Official RTVW Celebrity Apprentice Summary: Episode 3""
Excellent work, Kircon. Very imaginative, creative, and readable. thanks.
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mattben 1265 desperate attention whore postings
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01-20-08, 02:25 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Official RTVW Celebrity Apprentice Summary: Episode 3""
LAST EDITED ON 01-20-08 AT 02:26 PM (EST)

Nice job, kircon.

I was wondering who'd get to a take on The Sorcerer's Apprentice. You wove it in very well.

Steven Baldwin has taken over the meeting. No one can stop him after 36 cans of an energy drink. He jumps on the table. Piers calls him out and swings in the air. We need a knock out punch. We have a deal that will knock out the competition. The boys will crush the life out of the girls. Tito and Lennox, you are the print ad. Steven jumps up and down. I got it. The ink revolution thatís going to knock you out.

And thanks for the back-ref link.

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kircon 3239 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Car Show Celebrity"

01-21-08, 00:44 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Official RTVW Celebrity Apprentice Summary: Episode 3""
When Gene called Trump the Devil, I knew he had to be the old Sorcerer, Trump. I couldn't see anything else. I'm always excited when the show tells me what the theme should be.

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