The Amazing Race   American Idol   The Apprentice   The Bachelor   The Bachelorette   Big Brother   The Biggest Loser
Dancing with the Stars   So You Think You Can Dance   Survivor   Top Model   The Voice   The X Factor       Reality TV World
   
Reality TV World Message Board Forums
PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't be fooled. Trying to get everyone to agree with you is like herding cats, but intolerance for other viewpoints is NOT welcome and respect for other posters IS required at all times. Jump in and play, and you'll soon find out how easy it is to fit in, but save your drama for your mama. All members are encouraged to read the complete guidelines. As entertainment critic Roger Ebert once said, "If you disagree with something I write, tell me so, argue with me, correct me--but don't tell me to shut up. That's not the American way."
"Thoughts on Novel"
Email this topic to a friend
Printer-friendly version of this topic
Bookmark this topic (Registered users only)
 
Previous Topic | Next Topic 
Conferences Off-Topic Forum (Protected)
Original message

BWB2 3 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"

05-19-13, 04:08 PM (EST)
Click to EMail BWB2 Click to send private message to BWB2 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
"Thoughts on Novel"
I wanted to get feedback on my novel,New Rome Rises: Dux Imperatorius, from this community. I am currently writing the second book in the series and wanted to get input. Here is a brief description of the novel:

Twenty-two year old Owen Badon becomes the King of England after the 21st century Roman Empire kills the rest of his family. He fights in the American Southwest alongside a young Green-Beret who is left for dead, a cowboy who was a former bank robber, and the youngest female sharp-shooting champion in U.S. history. In the United Kingdom Caesarís sixteen-year-old daughter is torn to between her loyalty to her father, and her subjects as the new Queen of England. All of this and more are in New Rome Rises: Dux Imperatorius.

Here is a link if you have a Kindle: http://amzn.to/Ss2SFq

If you have a Nook: http://bit.ly/Y4wGtR

Please let me know what you enjoyed about the book and what you would like to see in the next book. I appreciate any feedback you may have.

  Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 So Where Is The Book? foonermints 05-20-13 1
 RE: Thoughts on Novel Estee 05-20-13 2
 RE: Thoughts on Novel kingfish 05-20-13 3
 RE: Thoughts on Novel cahaya 05-20-13 4
   RE: Thoughts on Novel BWB2 05-23-13 20
       RE: Thoughts on Novel cahaya 05-23-13 22
 RE: Thoughts on Novel KeithFan 05-21-13 5
 RE: Thoughts on Novel Starshine 05-21-13 6
   RE: Thoughts on Novel foonermints 05-21-13 7
       RE: Thoughts on Novel kingfish 05-21-13 8
           Righto! foonermints 05-21-13 9
               RE: Righto! cahaya 05-21-13 12
                   RE: Righto! foonermints 05-21-13 13
   RE: Thoughts on Novel Starshine 05-21-13 10
       RE: Thoughts on Novel cahaya 05-21-13 11
           Cowboys vs. Aliens? foonermints 05-21-13 14
               RE: Cowboys vs. Aliens? cahaya 05-21-13 15
                   RE: Cowboys vs. Aliens? foonermints 05-21-13 16
                       RE: Cowboys vs. Aliens? cahaya 05-21-13 17
                           RE: Cowboys vs. Aliens? foonermints 05-21-13 18
           RE: Thoughts on Novel Starshine 05-22-13 19
       RE: Thoughts on Novel BWB2 05-23-13 21

Lobby | Topics | Previous Topic | Next Topic

Messages in this topic

foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-20-13, 05:03 AM (EST)
Click to EMail foonermints Click to send private message to foonermints Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
1. "So Where Is The Book?"
And more importantly, where is my "Critics Fee"?

If you think I'm spending $1.99 for something I get for free at the Library, you're nuts! (You know it's true, Nutzy).
Who do you think I am, Midas? Sheesh.

Tribemints© by Tribey
At least so far you have ducks in your book. I like ducks. Crazy little quackers..

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-20-13, 05:39 AM (EST)
Click to EMail Estee Click to send private message to Estee Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
2. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
This site has already produced one bestselling novelist.

That fact does not improve the odds of making it two.

Worst marketing plan ever.

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-20-13, 08:12 AM (EST)
Click to EMail kingfish Click to send private message to kingfish Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
3. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
LAST EDITED ON 05-21-13 AT 10:27 AM (EST)

I liked the part where Theodora makes corned beef hash with Brian's brains, all the while singing a naughty version of the national anthem. I actually shed a few tears.

But the ending should be switched for the middle, the middle the beginning, and whatever's left should be put at the end.

Then, the ending (You should know up front that the maid and the butler did it) would make sense.

Also not revealing the secret identity of the bridge troll (yeah, it was a Hantz) would have made that more of a surprise.

(There is no mercy in SBOT-land).

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-20-13, 09:35 AM (EST)
Click to EMail cahaya Click to send private message to cahaya Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
4. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
LAST EDITED ON 05-20-13 AT 09:36 AM (EST)

I am an avid reader, averaging about three books a week, both fiction and non-fiction.

Checking out the Look Inside on Amazon, I read what was available at the beginning of the book.

I see some issues with the writing style and format. Paragraphs are longish, with too much detail about things we have not yet been introduced to, making for plodding reading in trying to absorb all of it. Also, dialog paragraphs are indented when the second line should be on the margin, making it difficult to sense the flow of dialog. This book needs an editor to work out these issues.

The content of the prologue and first chapter and a half are not enough to hold my attention. It all seems contrived, although I realize this is an alternate future work. Too much is thrown at the reader in too little space, making it seem like a bit of a jumble. Things and characters need to be introduced more slowly to allow the reader to grasp what the future world is like and connect with key characters. The Prologue is an attempt to describe it, but it doesn't stick to the reader's memory.

Advice: Slow down, introduce things more gradually, shorten the paragraphs, format the dialog correctly. I would find reading 270 pages of this quite difficult, at best, regardless of how good the plot and characterization might be.

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

BWB2 3 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"

05-23-13, 01:48 AM (EST)
Click to EMail BWB2 Click to send private message to BWB2 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
20. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
>LAST EDITED ON 05-20-13
>AT 09:36†AM (EST)

>
>I am an avid reader, averaging
>about three books a week,
>both fiction and non-fiction.
>
>Checking out the Look Inside on
>Amazon, I read what was
>available at the beginning of
>the book.
>
>I see some issues with the
>writing style and format.
>Paragraphs are longish, with too
>much detail about things we
>have not yet been introduced
>to, making for plodding reading
>in trying to absorb all
>of it. Also, dialog
>paragraphs are indented when the
>second line should be on
>the margin, making it difficult
>to sense the flow of
>dialog. This book needs
>an editor to work out
>these issues.
>
>The content of the prologue and
>first chapter and a half
>are not enough to hold
>my attention. It all
>seems contrived, although I realize
>this is an alternate future
>work. Too much is
>thrown at the reader in
>too little space, making it
>seem like a bit of
>a jumble. Things and
>characters need to be introduced
>more slowly to allow the
>reader to grasp what the
>future world is like and
>connect with key characters.
>The Prologue is an attempt
>to describe it, but it
>doesn't stick to the reader's
>memory.
>
>Advice: Slow down, introduce things more
>gradually, shorten the paragraphs, format
>the dialog correctly. I
>would find reading 270 pages
>of this quite difficult, at
>best, regardless of how good
>the plot and characterization might
>be.

Thank you for your input. I think the biggest issue with this book is the prologue. My mistake was using two different styles, one for the prologue, and another for the rest of the book. It gives the impression the entire book is that way, which it is not. I was trying to lay out the premise for the return of the Roman empire, but I was too technical with it.

I really appreciate your time in looking at this.

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-23-13, 10:18 AM (EST)
Click to EMail cahaya Click to send private message to cahaya Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
22. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
You're welcome, and I wish you luck in your writing career!
  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

KeithFan 7414 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 09:41 AM (EST)
Click to EMail KeithFan Click to send private message to KeithFan Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
5. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
It was ok, it could have been better. Maybe if Owen had a sheepdog named "Rory" it would have been better.
  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Starshine 4934 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"

05-21-13, 03:59 PM (EST)
Click to EMail Starshine Click to send private message to Starshine Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
6. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
I may be your target audience, I read (non vampire) fantasy, have a great interest in the Roman empire and a bit of an interest in alternative history.

However without having read your book...

On page 15

Actually cowboys generally wore what you would call a Derby, Stetsons came along a little later


Lovely cheese Mooney

Where are Voice of the Beehive when we need them?


  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 04:48 PM (EST)
Click to EMail foonermints Click to send private message to foonermints Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
7. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
What did the cowboys call a "derby"? A hat?

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 04:57 PM (EST)
Click to EMail kingfish Click to send private message to kingfish Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
8. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
They called it a Duck.

I'm pretty sure...

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 06:15 PM (EST)
Click to EMail foonermints Click to send private message to foonermints Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
9. "Righto!"
It WAS a "duck" wasn't it? But they had big hats. So I guess it must have been "ducksimus maximus" or something.. Wait! :

Imperatorius Dux!

So this whole story is about a hat? Dayuuum. the writer must be a genius!
An #####-kicking hat! Who would have known? I'm waiting for the movie.

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 07:22 PM (EST)
Click to EMail cahaya Click to send private message to cahaya Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
12. "RE: Righto!"
What we need now are dudes with John Deere and NRA caps and Winchester lever-action 45's riding on the back of Ford 150's with a fully loaded rack of Mossberg 935 and Remington 1100 shotguns mounted on the rear cabin window.

It's duck season.

I'll take the rights to the movie script.

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 07:50 PM (EST)
Click to EMail foonermints Click to send private message to foonermints Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
13. "RE: Righto!"
Benellis, you cheap####.
What, are we funded by fruit loops?
  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Starshine 4934 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"

05-21-13, 06:19 PM (EST)
Click to EMail Starshine Click to send private message to Starshine Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
10. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
That's a little odd. I'm sure I had changed my critique considerably, and dropped the bit on the hats and giving a British royal a surname.

Generally (from a very cursory reading, the sentance structure hurt my head) my issues were, this is set in 2050ish, but the cowboys seem to come from the 19th century? Why would Italy invade the US? there are easier targets with better resources a lot closer (and they don't generally have nuclear weapons). A Roman Emperor giving his daughter overt political power? With the devaluation of the term Caesar under Diocletian surely a new Italian emperor is more likely to style himself Augustus?

OTOH I think that the economic collapse has started, but all this seems to mean is that suddenly the Germans and my pension own everything, and it certainly isn't showing up in my pension statements.

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 07:13 PM (EST)
Click to EMail cahaya Click to send private message to cahaya Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
11. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
I read a lot of history and I play PC games like Total War: Rome (Rome II is due out soon), reveling in the strengths of the legions after the Marius reforms. But, hey, that was like two millennia and two centuries prior to the date of this story's plot line. Even the cowboys are out of it by a century or two.

I can get it if the times are still without fledgling democracies with imperial rulers still holding an iron fist over their empires, provided that science and industry have been suppressed for a few more centuries, the Enlightenment still yet to come.

It makes me wonder what the Chinese and South Asian Indians have been up to in the meantime, as the other major cradles of civilization (oh, there's another great game, Civilization).

Lever-action cowboys vs Roman legions, now that'd be an interesting tactical scenario to play out.

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 07:54 PM (EST)
Click to EMail foonermints Click to send private message to foonermints Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
14. "Cowboys vs. Aliens?"
I've got to watch that one.

Dux ImperativeOObie!

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 08:09 PM (EST)
Click to EMail cahaya Click to send private message to cahaya Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
15. "RE: Cowboys vs. Aliens?"

Wee, hah! I got me a fooner weapon in th' other wrist!

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 08:50 PM (EST)
Click to EMail foonermints Click to send private message to foonermints Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
16. "RE: Cowboys vs. Aliens?"
Plus a butt crack to die for.
  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 08:58 PM (EST)
Click to EMail cahaya Click to send private message to cahaya Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
17. "RE: Cowboys vs. Aliens?"
We kick butt.

Semper Fi.

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-21-13, 10:04 PM (EST)
Click to EMail foonermints Click to send private message to foonermints Click to view user profile Click to send message via ICQ Click to check IP address of the poster
18. "RE: Cowboys vs. Aliens?"
Imperialistacus buttikis?

Woah, I'm not even into the whiskey yet..

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Starshine 4934 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"

05-22-13, 05:27 PM (EST)
Click to EMail Starshine Click to send private message to Starshine Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
19. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
Well...

China would have remained insular, one dynasty would have fallen but another would eventually take its place, and we could argue that's what happened anyway.

Unfortunately I know quite a bit about South Asian history so I can't be quite as glib. I'm thinking not dissimilar to what exists now, but made up of ten or twelve countries instead of one unified state.

Civilisation V was such a disappointment

One fiery pig should sort out those cowboys!

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

BWB2 3 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"

05-23-13, 02:17 AM (EST)
Click to EMail BWB2 Click to send private message to BWB2 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21. "RE: Thoughts on Novel"
>That's a little odd. I'm sure
>I had changed my critique
>considerably, and dropped the bit
>on the hats and giving
>a British royal a surname.
>
>
>Generally (from a very cursory reading,
>the sentance structure hurt my
>head) my issues were, this
>is set in 2050ish, but
>the cowboys seem to come
>from the 19th century? Why
>would Italy invade the US?
>there are easier targets with
>better resources a lot closer
>(and they don't generally have
>nuclear weapons). A Roman Emperor
>giving his daughter overt political
>power? With the devaluation of
>the term Caesar under Diocletian
>surely a new Italian emperor
>is more likely to style
>himself Augustus?
>
>OTOH I think that the economic
>collapse has started, but all
>this seems to mean is
>that suddenly the Germans and
>my pension own everything, and
>it certainly isn't showing up
>in my pension statements.


Thank you for taking time to look the preview over. I can see now that the way I went about laying everything out in the prologue,using a different style from the rest of the book caused a problem.

With the regards to the cowboys, they are comfortable riding horses, as many cowboys today still use horses. The cowboy hats are still popular in the southwest, and in places like Utah and Nevada; I was suggesting the hats would still be worn in the future.

The surname for the member of the British Royal Family is dropped after its initial use in the book, I wanted to establish that it was not a child or grandchild of the current royal family.

In the book, the Roman Empire has seized most of Europe and the Middle East, and the only real threat to them is the United States. At the time of the invasion there is a belief the by the U.S. Administration that peace can be found with Rome, ala Neville Chamberlain with Germany. Caesar (Giovanni Caprera) is a megalomaniac plain and simple, so he prizes the United States as part of his legacy. He knows the United States would not use nuclear weapons because of the fallout that would descend on its allies. I donít want to reveal too much of the plot, but all options are on the table for the United States after the invasion.

Caesar's daughter is special, and he does not have a son. By his own laws a woman cannot be Caesar, but he loves his daughter and knows she would be somewhat accepted by the British people. It may sound a bit off, but it makes sense in the book.

With regards to the title Caesar, Caprera has chosen to use both Caesar and Augustus. He has made other adjustments to Roman tradition, but for the most part he follows post Julius Caesar, pre-Constantine structure and traditions. There are some practices taken from the Third Reich as well.

I really appreciate your questions, thank you so much for taking the time to ask them!

  Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top


Lock | Archive | Remove

Lobby | Topics | Previous Topic | Next Topic

p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e - p l a c e h o l d e r t e x t g o e s h e r e -
about this site   •   advertise on this site  •   contact us  •   privacy policy   •