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PLEASE NOTE: The Reality TV World Message Boards are filled with desperate
attention-seekers pretending to be one big happy PG/PG13-rated family. Don't
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As entertainment critic Roger
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"The saga of the live Christmas tree."
Max Headroom 9932 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"
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12-07-12, 06:18 PM (EST)
 
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"The saga of the live Christmas tree." |
Let me start by saying that the "let's get a live tree" idea came entirely from DW. As someone who has had artificial Christmas trees for almost his entire life, the concept of paying money to subsidize someone cutting down perfectly good trees makes no sense. I paid a fortune earlier this year to get three live spruce trees added to the back yard, yet a cut spruce Christmas tree only costs $28 at Costco? The economics just don't work for me. Artificial trees last a long time, are always symmetrical, never need water, and are easily stored in a box-- a much better solution.My opinion notwithstanding, DW decided this year that we had to have a live Christmas tree. Given that I had another commitment this past Sunday afternoon, DW and DS picked out a tree and brought it home without any input from me. Having forgotten to get the tree stand down from storage above the garage before I left for my appointment, I was in the doghouse when I got home, meaning DS and I were on our own on getting the tree into the house and mounted into the stand. And neither DS nor I had ever dealt with a live Christmas tree before. No worries, how hard could it be? So we set to work. I got the stand down from storage and set it up, DS and I did a little cosmetic pruning of the tree, then we carried the tree into the house and shoved it into the stand. I got out the Shop Vac and cleaned up the ten billion loose needles, and we were good to go. The tree sat there in its stand until this morning, when DW wanted to start decorating it. And then it started. "It's crooked. And it's leaning. And it needs to be fluffed up." DW turned into a whirling dervish with the pruners, rotating the tree this way and that while clipping away. When the tree finally passed inspection, she had me add water to the base while she put lights onto the tree. When the lights were done, I got out the Shop Vac and cleaned up the ten billion loose needles and then left the room. A few minutes later I heard a muffled crashing sound from the other room. The tree had fallen over. As I was hopelessly trying to stand the tree back up, DW marched into the room, gave me a rousing critique of all the things DS and I did wrong when putting the tree in the stand (despite us having no prior experience), and told me to hold the tree base while she laid it down to redo the entire thing. So I laid down on the floor and held the base, while she tugged on the tree and then proceeded to drop it on me. At that point she announced it needed more pruning, so off she went to get the clippers, which were summarily handed to me since I was stuck on the floor anyway. A little pruning around the stump later, the tree was installed back into the base and the tree/base combination was stood back up. And it proceeded to swivel, wobble, and then fall over again. At this point I declared that the lightweight plastic base was too small to hold the tree. This earned me a scornful look from DW, but she agreed that we needed something to hold the tree in place, so (leaving me holding the tree) she went to the basement and got several bags of decorative rocks. She then proceeded to stuff the rocks into the base around the tree stump to wedge it in place. I had her add more rocks to provide ballast, and then it was the moment of truth: Time to let go of the tree. And this time it stayed upright. I had one more turn with the Shop Vac to clean up the ten billion loose needles, and the kids later decorated the tree with ornaments, and it's still upright. We'll see how long it lasts. Happy holiday preparations to everyone. May you have a better success rate than I did. 
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Puffy 6504 desperate attention whore postings
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12-09-12, 03:29 AM (EST)
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11. "RE: The saga of the live Christmas tree." |
No problem with the menorah this year. 
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