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"Bear Spray"
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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 03:22 PM (EST)
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"Bear Spray"
I had to clobber some mook last night. A Latino and his buddies who thought it was cool to tweak in front of my house.

*Sigh* They never learn, or else there is a new crop that don't learn the rules: Tweak @ home - not in your car in
front of my home
.

I live in a classic middle class (circa 1946) neighborhood. Yep, If you didn't buy then (10k per patch of ground) now you have to pay the big bucks. So goes life.

Sure, I had two squad cars and 4 officers come over, about 3 minute response time. Not bad at all. They laughed at the bear spray, but it's all I had. I think they laughed because I had some blowback in my face. It was pretty red! One of the officers asked me if I got the bad guy. I said: "Yep, better than me." They grinned.

I also wasted a half gallon of milk washing my beautiful face off.

Now I start to wonder about that Bennelli. Except it'd be like whacking a mouse with a baseball bat, and even then, I'd miss on purpose.
If you are Quaker, life is full of inconsistensies.
Dang.

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Bear Spray kingfish 08-01-12 1
   Jail foonermints 08-01-12 11
 RE: Bear Spray Estee 08-01-12 2
   RE: Bear Spray kingfish 08-01-12 3
       Be careful... Estee 08-01-12 4
           RE: Be careful... Snidget 08-01-12 5
               RE: Be careful... Estee 08-01-12 9
                   RE: Be careful... kingfish 08-02-12 24
                       RE: Be careful... Estee 08-02-12 25
                           RE: Be careful... kingfish 08-02-12 30
 RE: Bear Spray jbug 08-01-12 6
   RE: Bear Spray Estee 08-01-12 10
   RE: Bear Spray dabo 08-01-12 17
   RE: Bear Spray Sagebrush Dan 08-02-12 20
 RE: Bear Spray cahaya 08-01-12 7
   RE: Bear Spray foonermints 08-01-12 12
       RE: Bear Spray cahaya 08-01-12 13
           Bare Minerals? foonermints 08-01-12 15
               RE: Bare Minerals? Estee 08-01-12 16
                   RE: Bare Minerals? foonermints 08-01-12 19
                       RE: Bare Minerals? Estee 08-02-12 21
                           RE: Bare Minerals? kingfish 08-02-12 22
                               RE: Bare Minerals? Estee 08-02-12 23
 Next time moonbaby 08-01-12 8
   RE: Next time foonermints 08-01-12 14
   No No foonermints 08-01-12 18
 RE: Bear Spray Tummy 08-02-12 26
   RE: Bear Spray foonermints 08-02-12 28
 RE: Bear Spray Dakota 08-02-12 27
   RE: Bear Spray foonermints 08-02-12 29
       RE: Bear Spray cahaya 08-02-12 31
           Bath Salts foonermints 08-03-12 37
       RE: Bear Spray Dakota 08-03-12 32
           RE: Bear Spray foonermints 08-03-12 33
               RE: Bear Spray kingfish 08-03-12 34
                   RE: Bear Spray Dakota 08-03-12 35
                   RE: Bear Spray foonermints 08-03-12 36
           RE: Bear Spray agman 08-04-12 38
               RE: Bear Spray Dakota 08-04-12 39
                   RE: Bear Spray foonermints 08-04-12 40
                       RE: Bear Spray Dakota 08-05-12 49
 RE: Bear Spray kidflash212 08-05-12 41
   Excuse me. Estee 08-05-12 42
       RE: Excuse me. kidflash212 08-05-12 43
   RE: Bear Spray Dakota 08-05-12 44
       RE: Bear Spray kidflash212 08-05-12 45
           Look Out foonermints 08-05-12 46
               RE: Look Out kingfish 08-05-12 47
                   RE: Look Out foonermints 08-05-12 48

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kingfish 14401 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 04:33 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Bear Spray"
That bear spray does sound like a good way to handle people like that.

A big barreled Benelli also would have pretty good preventive effect. But you can't shoot a bullet or a slug or even buckshot because of background problems. Dove shot is much less of a problem. And at close range will tear a nasty hole in a miscreants ass. And with only a little aim correction you could make the rest of his life very uncomfortable. The bear spray is good, but you need the shotgun for porch sitting.

Glad you survived, that the tweaker wasn't heeled, and that you didn't get thrown in jail. Again.

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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 09:15 PM (EST)
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11. "Jail"
I generally avoid it, but it's easier to get out of than the Qasi Deh valley in Afghanistan. Stupid Walkan Corridor.

Most of these guys are punks. They just think they found a hidey-hole. Sure Yah - one with a dragon in it. That is if I'm awake. I'm a very lazy dragon. *yawns*

I try not to discharge a firearm at a person because it makes such a mess, but I've got to learn to stand back from the mook before I hit him with the spray. Too much of me wants to pound him into the ground, which is not seemly for a gentleman. Does provide some laughter from the cops, though.

Gotta build me a decent porch so's I can be a-sittin out thar wif my Bennelli buddy come more o' these lemonade sippin eve'nins...

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Estee 51903 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 06:16 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Bear Spray"
LAST EDITED ON 08-01-12 AT 07:08 PM (EST)

So what does bear spray do to a human? Eye irritant, skin colorant, contact poison, attracts bears to mate with them, all of the above plus a film crew?

I will dig out a Mook trope tomorrow in your semi-honor.

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kingfish 14401 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 06:43 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: Bear Spray"
It's pepper spray, good for 25-40 feet shots. Actually a pretty good solution for urban problems too.

And we want a inflatable elevatable breast trope too. With pictures.

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Estee 51903 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 07:04 PM (EST)
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4. "Be careful..."
You don't really want me linking you to body inflation fetish sites, do you?

*smiles sweetly*

P.S.

Snidget, I know what you're about to do. The word you want to avoid is 'pop'.

Perhaps Kingfish would like some of the post-'pop' pictures?

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Snidget 41371 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 07:26 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: Be careful..."
Hers never popped

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/11/worlds-largest-breasts-102zzz_n_1665638.html

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Estee 51903 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 09:09 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: Be careful..."
That's just plain old ordinary genetic macromastia -- something which very much actually happens. (She's also fairly overweight after you factor breast mass out, but her body is predisposed to gain/store weight there. And it's possible to have significant skin issues from very rapid growth: she either had a workable pace or lucked out.) Body inflation is pumping air or liquid into the human body in order to produce a sphere of flesh. A full-body sphere, maybe with hands, feet, and head sticking out. Think Violet Beauregarde and the blueberry scene, which is a touchstone for that fetish (and blueberryism is just about a sub-fetish of its own). Obviously not much of a real-life event.

Well, body inflation can happen in real life -- but for the results, see 'pop'. Most practitioners go with stretchy airtight body suits and a tire pump.

I would travel to meet her corsetiere. And may.

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kingfish 14401 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 09:07 AM (EST)
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24. "RE: Be careful..."
LAST EDITED ON 08-02-12 AT 09:14 AM (EST)

Ok, seriously (you in the back row, quit giggling) people inflate body parts? Women inflate their breasts and (I suppose) men inflate their penises. So there's a little Schrader valve tucked away somewhere, and they carry a pocket version of a bicycle pump around with them?

"Pull over into that gas station, My right breast is down a couple of PSI".

Takes the "Blow me" request in a different, more literal and initially more confusing, direction.

When I saw the red carpet picture of Kat (mucho respecto for her promotional skills, BTW) the thought of inflation did come to mind. But I thought from the cleavage surface texture and balloon like appearance that a body suit was the best bet.

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Estee 51903 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 11:19 AM (EST)
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25. "RE: Be careful..."
*sigh*

No, people fantasize about inflation, and it's generally whole-body. For females, specific parts can be involved. Males are just about full body or nothing. The only cases I've heard of for actual male genital inflation weren't fetish or fantasy, but prosthetics that went rigid via air pressure. (Genital enlargement for men is another fetish entirely.) It's also theoretically possible to take a saline breast implant and gradually fill it using subdermal ports, but good luck finding a doctor who'll allow you to try. So they use special clothing and roleplay it. However, your gas station scenario would probably appear in a few of their fantasy stories.

The few actual cases of body inflation on record tend to be accidental and fatal. Research at your own extremely bloody risk.

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kingfish 14401 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 10:30 PM (EST)
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30. "RE: Be careful..."
Hah! Made you sigh.
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jbug 16143 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 09:03 PM (EST)
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6. "RE: Bear Spray"
how many of you are gonna laugh or not believe me when I say I had to google to see what the fooner meant by tweak?


Agman brightens my life May 2012

jbug: always the last to know

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Estee 51903 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 09:11 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: Bear Spray"
Did you download the free Windows tweaking application?
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dabo 23541 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 11:18 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: Bear Spray"

So, why keep us waiting, what's it mean, I mean we're wai-ting, this is just cruel, evil and cruel, what are you trying to do to me, Ahhhh!!!
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Sagebrush Dan 9700 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 00:19 AM (EST)
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20. "RE: Bear Spray"
Me too.


Transcribed by Sharnina

So you're not always the last to know.

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cahaya 17529 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 09:04 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Bear Spray"
Grin and bear it, as they say!


Passengers on fooner's crazytrain

Grin and bare it is better!

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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 09:19 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Bear Spray"

»Grin and bare it is better!

Is this Dirty Talk?

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cahaya 17529 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 09:26 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Bear Spray"
Well, from a security viewpoint, either they'll run to you or they'll run away from you!

Call it the bear essentials.

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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 10:28 PM (EST)
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15. "Bare Minerals?"
free associative thinking is a terrible thing to waste

So now it's girly-talk?

GAH!

Whisky, barkeep.

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Estee 51903 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 10:37 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: Bare Minerals?"
On the plus side, you just quintupled the potential post count on this thread.
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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 11:31 PM (EST)
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19. "RE: Bare Minerals?"
Not with that booby-pop threadjack.


That scares the birds away

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Estee 51903 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 08:31 AM (EST)
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21. "RE: Bare Minerals?"
It's Kingfish's fault.

And Snidget's.

And Guinness for always ignoring that for this and many other categories, the world record holder is frequently just the person who wanted to be in the book.

And whoever thought 102" was an underbust measurement.

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kingfish 14401 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 08:36 AM (EST)
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22. "RE: Bare Minerals?"
The dog did it!
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Estee 51903 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 08:40 AM (EST)
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23. "RE: Bare Minerals?"
Which is what I plan on telling the police happened to you after I send out my mooks.

I learned the origin of the word 'mook' today. It was interesting.

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moonbaby 16723 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 09:08 PM (EST)
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8. "Next time"
fooner please say you will stay IN the house and let the police do what they gotta do. Because people carry guns these days and they use them. A lot. And bear spray against guns is not an equation I want to think about! Sound good? OK!

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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 10:08 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: Next time"
Did I mention that it was almost a full Moon? There's two of them this month, and a blue one is only fitting for my birthday-month. Not that I'm sad or anything. I just like color.

You were looking quite nice across the golf course with all those palm trees, I should mention, but you must stop driving men insane.

*smooch*

> Now with music!

It's a miracle I've lived so long with my ornery attitude, but Hey! I'm a pacifist. that's the correct spelling, I'm sure..

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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-12, 11:29 PM (EST)
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18. "No No"
LAST EDITED ON 08-01-12 AT 11:30 PM (EST)

Whoops!

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Tummy 3418 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 11:26 AM (EST)
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26. "RE: Bear Spray"
Face mask. *face plant
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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 02:04 PM (EST)
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28. "RE: Bear Spray"
Right. I should keep my welding mask handy. Then I'll just have to worry about the choking gas.

Oh well, a little choking is better than shooting at anyone. You think I'm going to risk a bullet (even a leetle low-powered weensie one) putting a hole in my wonderful new garage door?
No Way!

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Dakota 5489 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 11:59 AM (EST)
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27. "RE: Bear Spray"
Glad you're ok. Hope they're not. I doubt they'll be back, but if they return, watch yo' back. Punks don't like anyone standin' up to 'em.


Agman's Spring Fling '12.3

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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 02:17 PM (EST)
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29. "RE: Bear Spray"
I call the cops instantly if I ever see them again.

Btw: Is this crazies week? Right now there is a beat up old black Mercedes parked across the street that I've never seen before. It's been there since this morning with some kid in it sitting in the back seat either trying to play 'possum or staring blankly out the window, not moving. For hours.

Ah well, got to bother the police again and check to see if he's breathing.

I'm not getting near this one.

Why do the nuts gravitate towards nice neighborhoods? Maybe we should move to a more peaceful place. Like Mexico City. Or Syria.

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cahaya 17529 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-12, 11:02 PM (EST)
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31. "RE: Bear Spray"
It's the bath salts.
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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-12, 11:16 PM (EST)
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37. "Bath Salts"
Is this turning around to Bare Minerals again?

What happened to the good old days when you threw them in your hot tub to attract naked women because they made the water so nice?

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Dakota 5489 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-12, 01:04 AM (EST)
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32. "RE: Bear Spray"
Well you did move closer to Agman. I've wondered about that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm getting nervous. Like they sent someone in a stolen Benz to check you out.


Agman's Spring Fling '12.3

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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-12, 08:34 AM (EST)
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33. "RE: Bear Spray"
No,no one would steal a junker like that. Just some kid getting loaded in his car where he thought no one would see.
*Buzzer Sound*

Good, now I can blame Aman for everything!

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kingfish 14401 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-12, 09:35 AM (EST)
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34. "RE: Bear Spray"
So, a kid parks on a street in a strange but serene neighborhood, and does something (just about anything except an opiate) that produces paranoia as a side effect, and spends his high time looking out the window.

What fun.

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Dakota 5489 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-12, 02:53 PM (EST)
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35. "RE: Bear Spray"
Kids today. What ever happened to laughing hysterically and getting the munchies? Sheesh!


Agman's Spring Fling '12.3

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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-03-12, 09:40 PM (EST)
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36. "RE: Bear Spray"
To tell the truth he looked kind of paralyzed. I took pity on the dingus and went over to the market. When I got back, he had bailed out*.
Later on, I felt guilty. I sure wouldn't want Sandee or anyone else out there on the road with him. Oops.

*Maybe it was the stink-eye.

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agman 10665 desperate attention whore postings
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08-04-12, 11:57 AM (EST)
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38. "RE: Bear Spray"
>Well you did move closer to
>Agman. I've wondered about
>that.

Yea, I live on the "Mean" streets! bwahahahahah


spelled out by Tribe

We got these really tough kids who go near our front yard and.....talk, then they Jay walk to the other side of the street....little punks!

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Dakota 5489 desperate attention whore postings
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08-04-12, 12:59 PM (EST)
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39. "RE: Bear Spray"
I thought he moved there to keep an eye on you.


Agman's Spring Fling '12.3

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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
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08-04-12, 01:24 PM (EST)
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40. "RE: Bear Spray"
I wonder if Agman's rat-hole costs more than $575 a square foot?

I'll just watch him on the computer from a space satellite.

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Dakota 5489 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

08-05-12, 09:51 PM (EST)
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49. "RE: Bear Spray"
Good idea. Those NVG aren't a good look for you.



Agman's Spring Fling '12.3

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kidflash212 2968 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest"

08-05-12, 01:33 PM (EST)
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41. "RE: Bear Spray"
I'm jealous. I'm sure Bloomberg already made the fun stuff like bear spray illegal in NYC. He probably squeezed it in between the death penalty for smokers and making baby formula illegal.



Capn2patch put me in motion!

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Estee 51903 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

08-05-12, 01:46 PM (EST)
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42. "Excuse me."
Did you pay your $6.50 Internet Post Tax on that comment?
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kidflash212 2968 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest"

08-05-12, 01:50 PM (EST)
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43. "RE: Excuse me."
Why do you think I've been posting less often recently?


Darn, there goes another $6.50.

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Dakota 5489 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

08-05-12, 01:53 PM (EST)
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44. "RE: Bear Spray"
Kid, step away from the large Coke. *waves taser*



Agman's Spring Fling '12.3

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kidflash212 2968 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Howard Stern Show Guest"

08-05-12, 01:56 PM (EST)
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45. "RE: Bear Spray"
But, but must get codes to help Estee!
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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

08-05-12, 06:40 PM (EST)
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46. "Look Out"
There's a double-barelled Taser now. Unfortunately, the ambidextrous safety has a tendency to "turn on" in the holster. Kills off the battery.
Whoopsie.. BRRRRZAp
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kingfish 14401 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

08-05-12, 06:42 PM (EST)
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47. "RE: Look Out"
Don't want to give Barney two shots.
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foonermints 11097 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

08-05-12, 06:54 PM (EST)
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48. "RE: Look Out"
Sure you do.

Happy Liberated Barneys!
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