I did not list is as the official since I have not heard from I_AM_HE and he may well be doing the official one but I thought it would be nice to have a summary posted nonetheless:
I must say that even though I loved the original Joe Schmo show and had no idea how they would pull it off again, they outdid themselves and gave us an amazing second season which was more fun than the first IMO. You made me laugh, cry and learn some new porn terms and I am grateful. Kudos to Stone Stanley and all the people who made it possible for me to be so entertained in my own home. If anyone can pull it off for a third season, I believe you can do it.
Ingrid figuring it out: $100,000.00
Tim and Amanda not figuring it out: PRICELESS
We see the previews of the show we are about to delight in. I won’t go into detail because, well, I will do that as it unfolds.
Next is Rhett Reese telling us what Joe Schmo is “ The JS show is two things, one, it’s a parody. It’s looking at something in the world that is borderline ridiculous and making fun of it. Number 2, it’s a practical joke. It is ,um, essentially, um, putting someone into a ridiculous situation and screwing with them.” Well thank you for clearing that up for me Rhett
We then see footage of Tim and Ingrid and all the suitors arriving at the beginning of this adventure. We are in recap mode here as we see the gift exchange, with reactions and commentary by Tim and Ingrid (as well as our smarmy host Derek), the first falcon twist, with commentary by Derek (who actually was in awe of having it land on his arm and said it was “cool”) and we see Montecore footage, landing on Derek’s arm and hitting the glass doors.
Derek goes on to explain that this year is a little bit broader, more absurd as we see footage of Ingrid in the lap dancing mode and Cammy in the bathtub with pork and beans. And of course the pearl necklace ceremonies, from the very first when Ingrid has the look on her face like something is amiss with the rehearsed speeches to Austin giving the necklaces to the guys (the footage was of him giving it to Gerald)
Gerald stating the one thing they couldn’t have accounted for was Ingrid questioning everyone around, with footage of her after the first pearl necklace ceremony asking if the other girls knew about the speech and the next day saying she thought she was on the Truman Show, with scenes of “oh sh!t” by Rhett and the control room people in between.
Then the “Cammy almost blows it” scene where she pulls Ingrid into the bathroom to bare her soul about having done the soft core porn. But since Ingrid is one smart cookie who is driving them to bad nail biting habits, they reveal the truth and invite her onto the dark side. And, while she accepts the challenge, they are left with only one “mark” and to correct it for the premise of the show we see Amanda’s arrival.
Then of course we see footage of Amanda with her face buried in mashed potatoes and sausage before Rhett tells us that we are back on track with our new wide eyed woman who is buying it all and…………. wait!!!! Is that Matt Kennedy Gold? Why yes it is!!! And he whispers “what is going on” and laughed, having been there, done that, won the shirt, and moved on. Well come on, ya gotta show the original Schmo, but ya coulda given us a little more. I would venture to say that a cameo appearance is better than none at all (for the sake of us MKG lovers) and he looks great BTW.
Ahhhh, but then Rhett tells us that this season had a doubly difficult assignment for two of their actors, which is a segue to footage of “the parents” and the introductions to the guys as Piper’s “rents” and to the girls as Austins’. They explained playing opposite roles to each party of victims. The dad being a “hard a$$” to the guys and footage of Tim stumbling over his words when asked if he had been sexually active, and reversing roles as Piper’s dad and fawning all over and drinking shots off of Cammy.
Then we hear how, as the game progressed, Tim and Amanda got more sucked in by it, with footage of Amanda doing the “heart light switch” and Tim trying to resist Cammy in the blood pressure game. And my what a long tongue he has! Sorry, I digress.
Derek says that at this point they are able to get a little more crazy and naturally we go to footage of Bryce trying to hypnotize Tim and TJ as well as Piper and his whispering “mockingbird” during his eviction. Tim’s facial response to said whispering were priceless. Then he discusses this with TJ.
Then we see Eleanor losing it when she doesn’t get the date and discovers a coupon missing from her book. Bad Cammy and Austin, bad, bad. But here, the reactions of both Tim and Amanda are the best of the segment. Eleanor really was beautiful as we see her telling Austin what to do with his jewelry, as was Tim and Amanda’s reactions. Well, okay this show IS about them and so it stands to reason that most of what we are seeing is a montage of their reactions. So, with that in mind, I won’t stress it anymore.
Now we will go into the next plot, “dead grandfather”, and Gerald saying it is uncanny since this is about the fourth reality show this has happened on this year. There is footage of Ingrid as well as her thoughts on how to play it and Austin evicting her and her return.
Then we go through the “banner flying ala BB” so Bryce could keep up his stalking, his return, the screaming of love, the fight over Everett’s demise, culminating in kicking Tim off his own show, brought back so Bryce could be booted again, through evictions that bring us to the final 4 of Tim, Amanda, Ingrid and TJ AND the end of “last on Joe Schmo 2” and the recap that brought us through the first 45 minutes of the finale.
Rhett giving praise to TJ and the rest of the cast, “very funny stuff”. He goes on to say “We’re no longer eating bread crumbs, the desert of our meal of deceit is soon to be eaten, so we’ve come a long way and there’s not much more to go, I know we’re all smelling it (I paused it here and the look on Ralph’s face looked as if he were smelling something more foul than TJ’s diarrhea, too funny) it’s so fun to be this close, we just have to keep after it. Get out there and act like the reality contestants that you are not”.
Breakfast finds Tim and TJ chatting, Amanda joining them wherein Tim conspires to point out Austin’s shortcomings so that he still stands a chance. Amanda says “the last chance before we take the walk down the road to the cliff where we should just pitch ourselves off” BWAHAHAHAHA. She’s just too cute for words. Ingrid joins them and Tim, being the gentleman he is, stands and gives her a hug. He may have the mouth of a sailor (but then so do I so I’m okay with this) but you have to admire a guy with manners. Piper and Austin join the group.
Tim confronts Austin who says it is Pipers choice. Derek joins them and tells them they will have one on one time with Piper and Austin to plead their cases. Ingrid offers Austin a copy of her résumé and letter of recommendation, in case the parents may need it.
We go to Austin and Amanda having their lunch “one on one” time where she tells him “where the other girls are concerned, she can’t say anything bad about them” and where he is concerned she thinks he’s “awesome”. He asks if she is there just for fun and a good time or “this”. She says she is into him but hides her feelings and is hard to read.
Tim says he hopes Austin DOESN’T choose Amanda because he thinks “he (Austin) is a pompous pr!ck and she can do a lot better than that”. We have to cut Tim some slack here because he still thinks it is real and only wants the best for Amanda. He did not add, however, that he hoped that Piper didn’t either.
Tim meets with Piper, who doesn’t know how to feel right now. Tim says he has had the feeling that everyone is in on a joke he has been left out of. Shocked faces in the control room.
Derek meets with the final four and says Piper and Austin have made their decision on who the final 2 will be, outside there will be 4 limos and when they arrive, each is to get in the one with their name on it. If Austin and Piper are in their limo, they will move on in the game, if not “you’ll be going on rejections hopeless trip to purgatory”.
Amanda’s arrives first and off she goes, then Tim’s and away he goes. Their limos are empty. Tim looks saddened and says he is so bent outa shape right now and Amanda asks if she is going to the airport since Austin is not there. Tim goes on to say “it was fun, I had the fvcking time of my life, thank you all”. Amanda says she had a great time, it was an awesome experience and she is ready to go home.
Back in Tim’s limo, the window to the front comes down and lo and behold Piper is there. Tim has a look of complete and utter shock and then lights up like the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center.
Over to Amanda’s ride she says she questions Austin’s sincerity a little bit but other than that the worst part about him was that he wasn’t meant for her. Once again the window comes down and Austin says “can I get anybody a beer back there?”, whereby Amanda breaks out in laughter. She too is elated.
Tim tries to get his heart rate down and tells them they are masochists for what they have done to him but gives them kudos.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Derek, Ingrid and TJ say their “goodbyes” since their characters are basically over, and Derek tells them their new scene is: you’re thrilled that you didn’t get picked and you’re totally into each other, so you’re happy you didn’t end up with Austin and Piper”.
Our limos arrive back and Derek greets them and congradulates them and “in the words of a young lady named Virginia Slims, you’ve come a long way baby” nearly causing me to choke on the one I was smoking. But it’s not over yet. Since they had the opportunity to spend time with Austin and Piper’s parents, they thought it only fair for P&A to have the same experience. So Piper will be spending time with Tim’s family and Austin with Amands’s. Tim tells Piper not to be nervous since his fam is as laid back as a lawnchair, and Amanda says something to Austin that we can’t hear. Off go P&A.
Tim says they are left there to be tortured and Derek says no, Tim’s cousin Tom and Amanda’s cousin Amy will be there. We see Tim’s wheels turning trying to place a cousin Tom with a confused look on his face. Derek says okay you don’t have said cousins but we hired the best disguise artist in Hollywood to transform you into your cousins so you can see how they act when you aren’t there, even though you will be. Tim and Amanda agree “this is just FAN TASTIC”.
Off they go to be disguised, Tim into a beach bum who resembles Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High (though Amanda said Sean Penn from same movie and Tim liked the reference) and Amanda into a very overweight person even she doesn’t recognize in the mirror (and commented that she became “the fat Monica from Friends”).
Rhett says they were out to disguise them to see if they could fool the other actors, who knew they were doing it.
We come back to Tim with his brother David and Michael, his best friend. He gives them a rundown on Piper, Bryce and his antics, the falcon twists. It has been the craziest 2 weeks of his life but the best time, without a doubt.
In comes Piper and asks a few questions. Tim tries to stay out of it, talking about the food and the cameras. She asks him if people mistake him for Owen Wilson. But Derek comes for Piper and the guys agree she is a “jackpot”.
Next we have Amanda with her mom and friend Stephanie and they can’t believe it’s her. In comes Austin and starts with his questions. Austin asks if he asked Amanda to marry him how long it would take her to answer. Mom starts drinking and Stephanie and Amanda/Amy look shocked. Derek takes Austin away and mom says she likes him.
They all reconvene to the lawn and Derek says to prepare for the last chance for love badminton challenge and everyone grab a shuttlecock to which Tim says “he said cok”. Okay, after I was done rolling on the floor laughing, they were already at play. It looked like fun until Amanda fell, but Austin, in helping her, sees that her “face is peeling off” and the jig is up. Austin looks genuinely shocked.
The next morning, Tim and Amanda have a morning sit down and chat about how it is almost over, before Piper and Austin join them. Derek comes out and says they all have decisions to make and a final falcon twist. But first we need some special effects since people have a hard time looking at his arm with no falcon on it. Enter the FX person who wires a stuffed creature onto Derek’s glove. I say stuffed creature since it is a creation that looks as if someone went a tad crazy with glue and feathers at the last minute. It really was hysterical and I highly recommend getting a copy of the show, just to see it.
Okay, falcon secure on arm, the contestants pretending the falcon is flying in and…….. wait a minute, can someone get it off Derek’s arm now? Back comes the FX person, who wires it to Montecores perch.
The falcon twist is revealed to P&A that what they haven’t known up to this point is that Tim and Amanda have been playing for $100,00.00 and if either were chosen by P or A that they would receive that amount of money. “That’s right Austin, if you choose Amanda she will win 1/10th of a million dollars. Piper if you choose Tim, he will win well over 1/3 of a quarter of a million dollars. That’s quite a platter of food for thought, so I suggest you grab your forks and dig in. The falcon has spoken.” Oh and speaking of food you get one final meal with your suitors.
Tim meets Piper in the hot tub and Piper meets Austin in what looks like a tent. Piper wants to know if he is here for the money or love. He said they didn’t know about the money until the 2nd day they were there and he plans to donate to charity. Austin asks Amanda and she says she does want money, lots of money, but not at the expense of hurting another person.
We then join the final production meeting with the entire cast. Rhett tells them “I have waited so long to say it’s not a marathon *raises voice* it’s a sprint!” Derek confesses he is very nervous about the reveal to Amanda and Tim. Rhett says “hopefully they’ll be going oh my god this is great, if not, then just do what, you’re outa character at that point, so just be yourself and console them or just try to duck when the punch comes so whatever it is. If they try to go to I love you’s, diffuse that”.
Gerald says it has got to be a real mind bender to find out all these people aren’t the people you thought. Ingrid says she is looking forward to it being over so she can be honest with them. Ambrosia says her concern is Tim not getting hurt and Piper says where do you draw the line, what is going too far, when real emotions are coming into play.
Tim and Amanda say they signed up for the experience.
P&A take the walk down the stairs to an alter and Tim and Amanda join them. Then the rest (well almost all of them) of the cast come down as well. Amanda recognizes Rita and says so, Piper says NOOO!! NOT NOW! (in an interview, not on the current scene) and everyone froze like deer in headlights but Tim didn’t notice or question it.
Austin gets to give his choice first but was a tad frazzled because his speech went out the window when Amanda recognized Rita. But he goes on:
“Amanda, the brief amount of time we spent together has taught me a lot about myself, what I’m looking for in a woman. You’re the perfect combination of beauty and grace and a lot of fun, BUT
Piper, we had 4 emotionally wonderful years together, we’re obviously very compatible, and through the times you’ve always been there for me, BUT
Amanda, I’m looking forward to building those times with you as well. Getting to know you better BUT
Piper, you’ve been there for me my whole adult life and it makes me feel empty to not have you part of my future BUT (at this point Tim is getting agitated by all the buts)
Amanda, I also look forward to building that future with you, I see it as exciting and hopeful, BUT (Tims head swings and I think he is getting nauseous)
Piper, you are my past, present and future all wrapped up in one, especially future and I look forward to that future”
Since he stopped with the “buts” Derek says “So, just to clarify, you have chosen Piper?” Austin says yes. We now will hear from Piper:
“Austin, this experience has brought up feelings for me that I thought were long dead BUT
Tim, you’ve made me tingle, she giggles, and I thank you for that. And there’s something exciting about the freshness of a new relationship and our future is wide open BUT
Austin and I have a long history and I’m proud of that history and it’s a history that I don’t wanna forget BUT
Tim, your honesty and openness have been a beacon of light. You are my lighthouse. You’ve shown me the way and you’ve helped me to clear my vision and see that I belong with…………………Austin.”
Derek congratulates them and says BUT it’s not over yet. He has a proposition for them. They are standing there before their fellow soldiers of love, you’re obviously in love and what better way to demonstrate that love than to enter into the holy state of matrimony? Right here, right now. Piper says it’s all so sudden. Derek says they will add a dowry of $100,00.00………….each and they can’t wait to get married.
Derek says bring in the parents and no one questions the fact that there is only one set of parents. Derek does the do you take, yada yada but before I pronounce you is there anyone here who has any reason why this holy union should not take place? Anyone at all? Speak now or forever hold your piece. We hear a scream “WAIT” and Bryce comes running in. Piper says “OH sh!t” and Tim says “holy, jeezus, can I please punch him?” Derek says no, no let him talk”
Bryce says “ you can’t marry Austin, you guys don’t even love each other! You can’t love Austin, your love isn’t real. He’s not real, see Austin’s fake, he is an actor pretending to be in love with you. Just like you’re an actress pretending to be in love with him. Just like I’m an actor pretending to be in love with you. We’re all actors.”
Derek: “Bryce, wait a minute. If there are any actors here, you can raise your hands now” and Bryce throws his up in the air first, Tim says “hell of a job pal” and is followed slowly by the rest while Tims face shows shock and Amanda’s looks like she is lost while it sinks in, till finally, lastly and slowly, Piper raises hers. Tim says “You! Jackpot” and Amanda laughs. The control room breaks out in laughter and much relief and Derek explains as he pulls the fake teeth out of his mouth that the whole show is about them and they are the only thing that is real, and they scoured the country looking for 2 people who were (Amanda says "gullible", Tim says "that are so moronic") and Derek says that were worthy, real, genuine, and deserving and wonderful. Oh and all the vacations and money you really won it all and was real too.
One final falcon twist, just to let you know no animals were harmed in the making of the show here is Montecore and Everett is here too. The falcon twist, this is gonna come as a surprise (Tim says “I’m gay and Gerald says “I’m not”) Oh yeah and one other person was originally a contestant and (they guess correctly) it was Ingrid but she drove them crazy so she was invited to the dark side and she gets $100,00.00 too.
Amanda asked if they really looked all over the U.S to find the three most gullible people in DC and Derek said what are the odds.
It’s off to the control room to meet all the people who put them through hell then back to the mansion to share a video montage with a split screen, half showing our schmos’ antics and messages from the actors as themselves and the other half showing Tim and Amanda (and some of the actors) watching the video.
Then Piper losses it. She is struggling as a person because it was a job but she feels bad if she hurt him. Tim is very cool about it and toasts the actors and thanks them for the best birthday and best time of his life. Amanda thanks them all too and then Ernie gives Tim a gift. He opens it and it is T-shirts with a clover and “Tee Dubs pub”.
Derek recaps and says Newcastle out.
Fish and Game Officer of G.A.W.K.U.R's of OT
Handcrafted by RollDdice, who rocks my world as much as IceCat.
I would have gone into the personal messages in the montage vidoe but I was already well on the way to 4,ooo words so chose not to make it any longer than it already was.
remember to say only things that, if it were the last words another person were to hear, would not have caused harm